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The Cross in the Closet
Timothy Kurek, raised within the confines of a strict, conservative Christian denomination in the Bible Belt, Nashville, Tennessee, was taught the gospel of separation from a young age. But it wasn’t long before Timothy’s path and the outside world converged when a friend came out as a lesbian, and revealed she had been excommunicated by her family.
Distraught and overcome with questions and doubts about his religious upbringing, Timothy decided the only way to empathize and understand her pain was to walk in the shoes of very people he had been taught to shun. He decided to come out as a gay man to everyone in his life, and to see for himself how the label of gay would impact his life.
In the tradition of Black Like Me, The Cross in the Closet is a story about people, a story about faith, and about one man’s “abominable” quest to find Jesus in the margins.
Distraught and overcome with questions and doubts about his religious upbringing, Timothy decided the only way to empathize and understand her pain was to walk in the shoes of very people he had been taught to shun. He decided to come out as a gay man to everyone in his life, and to see for himself how the label of gay would impact his life.
In the tradition of Black Like Me, The Cross in the Closet is a story about people, a story about faith, and about one man’s “abominable” quest to find Jesus in the margins.
352 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 2, 2012
46 people are currently reading
751 people want to read
About the author
Timothy Kurek
1 book29 followersTimothy Kurek is tackling some of the front burner issues of our day. His unrestrained style of immersion lends a uniquely empathetic perspective, engaging his audiences with empathy, humor, and refreshing candor. His first book, The Cross in the Closet, released October 2012 and became a critical success, not just nationally, but internationally as well (it is currently available in Hungarian and Chinese, with plans for more translations in the works). Arch Bishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu places his seal of endorsement on the book, saying, “The Cross in the Closet is a gift to us all.” Timothy is also an internationally sought-after speaker (including TEDx University of the Aegean), lecturing at colleges, conferences and churches in Australia, Italy, Canada, and all over the Continental United States. He has been featured on ABC’s The View, Fox News Alan Colmes, CNN, The BBC, Canal+, MSNBC, CTV, HLN, The New York Post, The Guardian, The China Times, Sirius/XM and hundreds of other national and international radio, television and print media outlets.
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September 3, 2015
Straight, white, Christian pretends to be gay for a year, gets a book deal.
I am having some complex feels about this.
edit 3 Sept 2015
Having read the book, I can see Kurek is just so darn young when he did this (21-22) that pretending to be gay for a year seemed like an awesome idea to him, and he had absolutely no frame of reference in which to understand the deeper ramifications of what he was doing. He does at least seem to be honest about his own prejudices around anything that is not Southern American middle-class heteronormativity, like the fact he was a complete shit to gay people prior to his "experiment."
I'm kinda equally perturbed by how he frames his experiences with women. He loves women, he tells us; has "always been fascinated by their mystique and beauty." Well, no, based on that, Kurek doesn't love women. He loves a particular kind of performance of femininity, and that's a completely different thing. Partway through the "experiment" he tries to go to a church where he is unknown, but is forced to leave by "the visuals, the temptation" of scantily clad women in "skin tight jeans, short shorts, short skirts, and short shirts, and midriffs . . . exposed everywhere . . . Staying in church would be tantamount to self-flagellation, self-torture." (p. 94)
I'm left feeling that Kurek's initial reaction to "gays" - disgust and horror - is very much because he fears gay men will regard him the way he regards women. He does admire their interior design skills, though; "Revive is perhaps the coolest java spot in the city, and the idyllic bohemian decor meshes nicely with the flare [sic] that gays seem to bring to everything they touch." (p. 73).
The writing is bland and there's no attempt to do more than tell the chronological sequence of events.
Overall, not a very interesting book, for all Kurek does seem to genuinely try to change his outlook, though, and challenge his preconceptions. My heart goes out to 'Shawn,' his "fake boyfriend" for the duration. I hope he has found happiness.
I am having some complex feels about this.
edit 3 Sept 2015
Having read the book, I can see Kurek is just so darn young when he did this (21-22) that pretending to be gay for a year seemed like an awesome idea to him, and he had absolutely no frame of reference in which to understand the deeper ramifications of what he was doing. He does at least seem to be honest about his own prejudices around anything that is not Southern American middle-class heteronormativity, like the fact he was a complete shit to gay people prior to his "experiment."
I'm kinda equally perturbed by how he frames his experiences with women. He loves women, he tells us; has "always been fascinated by their mystique and beauty." Well, no, based on that, Kurek doesn't love women. He loves a particular kind of performance of femininity, and that's a completely different thing. Partway through the "experiment" he tries to go to a church where he is unknown, but is forced to leave by "the visuals, the temptation" of scantily clad women in "skin tight jeans, short shorts, short skirts, and short shirts, and midriffs . . . exposed everywhere . . . Staying in church would be tantamount to self-flagellation, self-torture." (p. 94)
I'm left feeling that Kurek's initial reaction to "gays" - disgust and horror - is very much because he fears gay men will regard him the way he regards women. He does admire their interior design skills, though; "Revive is perhaps the coolest java spot in the city, and the idyllic bohemian decor meshes nicely with the flare [sic] that gays seem to bring to everything they touch." (p. 73).
The writing is bland and there's no attempt to do more than tell the chronological sequence of events.
Overall, not a very interesting book, for all Kurek does seem to genuinely try to change his outlook, though, and challenge his preconceptions. My heart goes out to 'Shawn,' his "fake boyfriend" for the duration. I hope he has found happiness.
January 12, 2013
I really wanted to like this book because it seemed--at first glance anyway--a courageous effort on the author's part. But I ended up disliking it, for two major reasons.
This seems like an honest book, sometimes painfully so. I also think Mr. Kurek is sincere in his desire to understand people he used to hate as well as why he was taught to hate them. I don't doubt the journey.
The first reason for my dislike is that Mr. Kurek is almost obsessive in his reminders to the reader that he's not actually gay. He doesn't quite holler I'M NOT GAY!! on every page, but in parts of the book he comes close. After a while, I found myself rolling my eyes and thinking, "Yes, yes, I get it; you're not gay; okay, okay." I felt like he was proclaiming lingering homophobia with these zillion or so reminders.
My second reason is the thing that was making me feel ambivalent in the first place: How dare he infiltrate the lives of those he used to persecute, gaining their confidences, listening to their secrets, and fooling them? It was dishonest; combine it with the continual I'M NOT GAY!! reminders and the picture just doesn't look nice at all. That same dishonesty is practiced on his family and friends, too.
Put all this together with a melodramatic writing style and I feel like what you get is an exploitative book rather than the spiritually enlightening one I'm sure Mr. Kurek wanted to write. I think he meant well. He just didn't pull it off.
This seems like an honest book, sometimes painfully so. I also think Mr. Kurek is sincere in his desire to understand people he used to hate as well as why he was taught to hate them. I don't doubt the journey.
The first reason for my dislike is that Mr. Kurek is almost obsessive in his reminders to the reader that he's not actually gay. He doesn't quite holler I'M NOT GAY!! on every page, but in parts of the book he comes close. After a while, I found myself rolling my eyes and thinking, "Yes, yes, I get it; you're not gay; okay, okay." I felt like he was proclaiming lingering homophobia with these zillion or so reminders.
My second reason is the thing that was making me feel ambivalent in the first place: How dare he infiltrate the lives of those he used to persecute, gaining their confidences, listening to their secrets, and fooling them? It was dishonest; combine it with the continual I'M NOT GAY!! reminders and the picture just doesn't look nice at all. That same dishonesty is practiced on his family and friends, too.
Put all this together with a melodramatic writing style and I feel like what you get is an exploitative book rather than the spiritually enlightening one I'm sure Mr. Kurek wanted to write. I think he meant well. He just didn't pull it off.
October 17, 2012
I am a married woman, and I haven't been a churchgoer for years. I loved this book. A former member of a very conservative Christian church, I never could understand why gays were so ostracized by our church and so many others. Knowing many gay men and lesbian women over my life, I never bought into the theory that your sexuality is a choice. Of course, acting on it is, I suppose, but I don't believe you can control what gender(s) you are attracted to.
This was such a great idea for a memoir, and very courageous on the part of the author--a self-proclaimed homophobe. What impacted me most about this book was a change in MY way of thinking--I found myself internally cheering along as Tim came to realize how wrong his bigotry in the name of his faith had been. But wow, when he also realized his pendulum had swung too far and he was condemning Christians for their point of view, he realized he was no better. I definitely saw myself in that. Christians are supposed to love. Period. Good advice for people of any (or no) faith.
This was such a great idea for a memoir, and very courageous on the part of the author--a self-proclaimed homophobe. What impacted me most about this book was a change in MY way of thinking--I found myself internally cheering along as Tim came to realize how wrong his bigotry in the name of his faith had been. But wow, when he also realized his pendulum had swung too far and he was condemning Christians for their point of view, he realized he was no better. I definitely saw myself in that. Christians are supposed to love. Period. Good advice for people of any (or no) faith.
October 11, 2012
If I had an unlimited supply of money I would order this book by the case and pass it out to everyone I know. Timothy Kurek's account of his year living with the label "Gay" is one of the most powerful testimonies I have ever encountered of the reality of God's continuing ability to change hearts and minds about "the Other" as well as a powerful rebuke to those of us within the Christian church about how we treat those with whom we disagree. In the tradition of "Black Like Me", Tim's immersion in the GLBTQ world in the city of Nashville, Tennessee is a fascinating read. I highly recommend it.
July 2, 2016
As soon as I heard about this book, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Tim Kurek's book, The Cross in the Closet, is a book I have been spreading the word about since I read the very first page. It is the story of how Tim went from being a Devout Christian who was very anti-gay to a fierce LGBTQ+ advocate in 12 months by simply having the courage to question his religious upbringing, and the compassion to walk in the shoes of the people in the LGBTQ+ community -- starting with coming out to his friends and family as a gay man and forcing the straight/christian side of himself to live in the closet. Think about that for a minute -- He went undercover as a gay man, for 12 months, in the bible belt, to better understand US. In my book -- that makes him an unbelievably amazing human being. Coming out is hard, but living in the closet is worse... most of us go into the closet to protect ourselves, he went in to breakdown the walls of judgement inside himself.
He purposely and willingly put himself in the same heart wrenching situations we LGBTQ+ people deal with when coming out (like the depression that follows when we are ostracized by friends and family who don't take the news well) and was willing to deal with the consequences of his actions in order to truly understand what it is like on our side of things. He went into this with an open heart,and came out on the other side with a much better understanding of not only OUR community,but of his own within the Christian church.
Reading about his inner turmoil through out the book had an amazing affect on me. A big part of me felt like I was reading a story about someone who was visiting my hometown. It pleased me greatly to know that my LGBTQ+ brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings were helping to guide Tim's heart in the right direction, but it also did something I didn't expect...it softened my heart in regards to the Christian community.
For most of my life I have been aware of the invisible wall between the Christian community and the LGBTQ+ community,and even though society becomes more open to the idea of equal rights with each passing year,I have always felt that it was no thanks to the devout Christians who spend most of their time proselytizing to us rather than practicing the love for others that they preach about. Tim's book changed all that. He opened MY heart so that I was able to see that there are people out there who ARE willing to practice what they preach,people who go out of their way to understand,accept,and love those who are different from them.
This book isn't about being gay or straight, Christian or agnostic,its about overcoming the prejudice and inequality learned from a young age,and the freedom that comes with opening your heart to everyone.
He purposely and willingly put himself in the same heart wrenching situations we LGBTQ+ people deal with when coming out (like the depression that follows when we are ostracized by friends and family who don't take the news well) and was willing to deal with the consequences of his actions in order to truly understand what it is like on our side of things. He went into this with an open heart,and came out on the other side with a much better understanding of not only OUR community,but of his own within the Christian church.
Reading about his inner turmoil through out the book had an amazing affect on me. A big part of me felt like I was reading a story about someone who was visiting my hometown. It pleased me greatly to know that my LGBTQ+ brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings were helping to guide Tim's heart in the right direction, but it also did something I didn't expect...it softened my heart in regards to the Christian community.
For most of my life I have been aware of the invisible wall between the Christian community and the LGBTQ+ community,and even though society becomes more open to the idea of equal rights with each passing year,I have always felt that it was no thanks to the devout Christians who spend most of their time proselytizing to us rather than practicing the love for others that they preach about. Tim's book changed all that. He opened MY heart so that I was able to see that there are people out there who ARE willing to practice what they preach,people who go out of their way to understand,accept,and love those who are different from them.
This book isn't about being gay or straight, Christian or agnostic,its about overcoming the prejudice and inequality learned from a young age,and the freedom that comes with opening your heart to everyone.
November 4, 2012
Will gays—loving, suffering, blessing—show us how to be more Christian? In the tradition of undercover experiments like Nickel and Dimed, Black Like Me and People of the Abyss, Tim Kurek, a young Southern conservative Evangelical, decides he is going to experiment with the experience of being labeled ‘gay’ for year. This is no light-hearted “My gay year”; Tim comes out to his family, leaves his church and foreswears girls. He takes on a “boyfriend”, works in a gay coffeehouse and protests with Soulforce, the gay Christian group. Tim’s narrative is strongest where we learn about the pressures of the closet, the traumas of discrimination and the varieties of gay culture. The story weakens when it lingers on his personal chaos, his emotional and spiritual growth. There are many moments of nausea, backrubs and tears; sins of youthful writing. Though it could have been better edited (lots of typos) this is an important book for young Christians needing to reconcile faith and queer identity.
November 29, 2012
I have read a lot of LGBT literature in my time; both fiction and non-fiction. This book is one of the most powerful I have read. Timothy Kurek, the author, is a heterosexual man who was raised in conservative Christianity. He was raised to hate and shun gay people and admits to his own entrenched bigotry. When a friend comes out to him and tells him that her family has disowned her, it challenges Timothy's belief system. He then embarks on a year-long journey to learn "what it is like" to be gay. He lives for this year pretending to be a gay man, even so far as "coming out" to his family, friends, and minister. This journey forever changes him on a very deep level, his views on LGBT people, and his views on religion. This book is painfully honest and presents a great story of the power of knowledge to heal our human hearts. I highly recommend it. My only "criticism" is that it is not proofread very well and it contains a lot of grammatical and spelling errors (which I admit is a pet peeve of mine!).
October 30, 2012
What happens when a very conservative Christian decides to spend a year as a gay man in order to understand the enemy? Not unexpectedly, he gains a great deal of insight and becomes a strong ally in favor of equality. That's the story told by Tim Kurek in "The Cross in the Closet", a book I recommend highly.
Tim grew up in a very religiously conservative family in Nashville, Tennessee. While attending Liberty University, the largest, private, Conservative Christian college in the US (if not the world), Tim encountered someone from SoulForce, a liberal religious organization dedicated to non-violent and peaceful demonstrations in favor of equality. Tim's faith was shaken when the SoulForce representative said that despite their differences, he loved Tim. Some short time later, Tim was set back on his heels when a friend of his came out as lesbian and was summarily kicked out of her home by her conservative religious parents. Tim knew that his Christian responsibility at that time was to condemn her "choice" to be lesbian and to counsel her to return to Christ, give up the lesbian nonsense, and all would be right. But he found he could not. He found himself wondering what kind of parent would do that to someone like his friend, a person he cared for deeply.
Tim had a crazy idea that seized him entirely. He needed to know how life would be different if he had the label "gay" applied to himself. So, he decided to "go gay" for a year. No, not fully gay, but to tell people he was, including his friends and family. On New Year's Day, he "came out" to his brother (though lying to his brother caused him to be physically ill all over their back porch). Word spread quickly, and Tim's mom heard before Tim had a chance to talk with her. Then his church friends learned. It started easily enough, but kinds spun out of control. Tim says that the worst part was having so many of his friends just turn their back on him, not even attempt to change him back. He was dead to them.
He started spending time in the local gayborhood, presenting himself as gay. To keep himself safe, and to learn how to give a more convincing act, he entrusted a gay friend of his with his secret, and they became "boyfriends" for the duration of the experiment. (Ultimately, that didn't go as well as it could be hoped.) He took a job as a barista at a predominately gay coffeeshop, went to gay karaoke, joined a gay softball league, and spent a lot of time reading books with gay themes, very much like many gay men just out of the closet.
It didn't take him too long to realize that most of his stereotypical views of gay people were entirely wrong. Gay people led normal lives, formed stable relationships, supported each other in times of crisis, and made deep friendships.
The experiment went in some interesting directions, and the section of the memoir where Tim joined up with SoulForce for a peaceful demonstration at the Vatican Embassy in New York was a powerful message of redemption. He also ran into devastating problems with his brother and other family members. Along the way, he discovered that he had transferred the hate he used to have for gays onto conservative Christians, and went through a process of reconciliation so that he could truly love all people despite their differences.
I found the book to be truly compelling. I am not Christian, but I am gay. I know what life is like in the closet and as an oppressed minority. I have a LOT of respect for someone like Tim willing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. He came out of the process a changed man, still a Christian, but a truly loving one. If I ever meet him, there's no way he's not getting a big hug. I highly recommend reading this book about a journey from ignorance to understanding, from hatred to embrace, from a fear of "other" to a more universal love.
Tim grew up in a very religiously conservative family in Nashville, Tennessee. While attending Liberty University, the largest, private, Conservative Christian college in the US (if not the world), Tim encountered someone from SoulForce, a liberal religious organization dedicated to non-violent and peaceful demonstrations in favor of equality. Tim's faith was shaken when the SoulForce representative said that despite their differences, he loved Tim. Some short time later, Tim was set back on his heels when a friend of his came out as lesbian and was summarily kicked out of her home by her conservative religious parents. Tim knew that his Christian responsibility at that time was to condemn her "choice" to be lesbian and to counsel her to return to Christ, give up the lesbian nonsense, and all would be right. But he found he could not. He found himself wondering what kind of parent would do that to someone like his friend, a person he cared for deeply.
Tim had a crazy idea that seized him entirely. He needed to know how life would be different if he had the label "gay" applied to himself. So, he decided to "go gay" for a year. No, not fully gay, but to tell people he was, including his friends and family. On New Year's Day, he "came out" to his brother (though lying to his brother caused him to be physically ill all over their back porch). Word spread quickly, and Tim's mom heard before Tim had a chance to talk with her. Then his church friends learned. It started easily enough, but kinds spun out of control. Tim says that the worst part was having so many of his friends just turn their back on him, not even attempt to change him back. He was dead to them.
He started spending time in the local gayborhood, presenting himself as gay. To keep himself safe, and to learn how to give a more convincing act, he entrusted a gay friend of his with his secret, and they became "boyfriends" for the duration of the experiment. (Ultimately, that didn't go as well as it could be hoped.) He took a job as a barista at a predominately gay coffeeshop, went to gay karaoke, joined a gay softball league, and spent a lot of time reading books with gay themes, very much like many gay men just out of the closet.
It didn't take him too long to realize that most of his stereotypical views of gay people were entirely wrong. Gay people led normal lives, formed stable relationships, supported each other in times of crisis, and made deep friendships.
The experiment went in some interesting directions, and the section of the memoir where Tim joined up with SoulForce for a peaceful demonstration at the Vatican Embassy in New York was a powerful message of redemption. He also ran into devastating problems with his brother and other family members. Along the way, he discovered that he had transferred the hate he used to have for gays onto conservative Christians, and went through a process of reconciliation so that he could truly love all people despite their differences.
I found the book to be truly compelling. I am not Christian, but I am gay. I know what life is like in the closet and as an oppressed minority. I have a LOT of respect for someone like Tim willing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. He came out of the process a changed man, still a Christian, but a truly loving one. If I ever meet him, there's no way he's not getting a big hug. I highly recommend reading this book about a journey from ignorance to understanding, from hatred to embrace, from a fear of "other" to a more universal love.
February 7, 2013
The author is an Evangelical Christian living in a conservative part of the United States. After some encounters with gay people he met, he realized his own bigotry and decided to embark on a year long experiment where he came out as gay and lived and worked in the local gay community.
Kurek is an excellent writer whose prose makes you want to keep reading. He doesn't hold back with his feelings and embarrassing moments. There is some mention of sex in the book, but it's mild. Although he had a "beard", a fake boyfriend who was in on it, he didn't date or sleep with anyone (male or female).
It's a famous book now and Kurek has been giving interviews and discussing his experiences. What I hear is that much of the LGBT Christian community is not pleased. There is a history of straight allies writing books, publishing articles, doing the hard work for decades, and they get no recognition. Not even in the post-publication interviews and media coverage.
While I sympathize with that frustration (or even anger), I still think the book stands on its own and is important. No, Kurek doesn't acknowledge the work of straight allies who have gone before him (except for a couple mentions), nor does he spend much time with LGBT activists who have worked to build bridges with the straight community, either in or out of the Christian community (and there are many of all of the above).
As someone who is not Christian and knows very little about Evangelicalism, I found Kurek's journey fascinating. I'm pretty familiar with the LGBT community (though my coastal experiences over the last few decades aren't completely similar to those in modern-era Tennessee) so it was the Christian one I learned more about. Nor had I experienced very much of the blend between the communities. It has always been strong and has been getting stronger and larger as the years go by.
Despite Kurek's lack of historical perspective and failure to acknowledge those that went before him...and despite the fact that this was a "stunt" and he knew pretty early on he'd be writing a book about it, I do recommend the book.
Kurek is an excellent writer whose prose makes you want to keep reading. He doesn't hold back with his feelings and embarrassing moments. There is some mention of sex in the book, but it's mild. Although he had a "beard", a fake boyfriend who was in on it, he didn't date or sleep with anyone (male or female).
It's a famous book now and Kurek has been giving interviews and discussing his experiences. What I hear is that much of the LGBT Christian community is not pleased. There is a history of straight allies writing books, publishing articles, doing the hard work for decades, and they get no recognition. Not even in the post-publication interviews and media coverage.
While I sympathize with that frustration (or even anger), I still think the book stands on its own and is important. No, Kurek doesn't acknowledge the work of straight allies who have gone before him (except for a couple mentions), nor does he spend much time with LGBT activists who have worked to build bridges with the straight community, either in or out of the Christian community (and there are many of all of the above).
As someone who is not Christian and knows very little about Evangelicalism, I found Kurek's journey fascinating. I'm pretty familiar with the LGBT community (though my coastal experiences over the last few decades aren't completely similar to those in modern-era Tennessee) so it was the Christian one I learned more about. Nor had I experienced very much of the blend between the communities. It has always been strong and has been getting stronger and larger as the years go by.
Despite Kurek's lack of historical perspective and failure to acknowledge those that went before him...and despite the fact that this was a "stunt" and he knew pretty early on he'd be writing a book about it, I do recommend the book.
November 20, 2012
Based on this book, Timothy Kurek seems to be a pretty incredible person. Raised as a very conservative Christian, he has an epiphany during his college years and decides to confront his hostile and judgmental view of gays. He 'closets' his straight nature and comes out as gay to family and friends. This serves a dual purpose: he experiences the ongoing difficulty of keeping his true nature closeted for a full year, and he is immersed in both the camaraderie of gay culture and the ostracism by people who valued him when he was a devout straight Christian.
I admire the ways in which Tim challenged himself; he seems to honestly desire to love all people and to give them the benefit of the doubt. He seeks to love even the most blatantly unlovable: Westboro Baptist Church members. To be honest, he takes open and nonjudgmental to a level that would be a challenge for most of us, and I can't help but respect that.
This was a good read for someone like me who has grown skeptical of Christianity due to the hate and superiority so often expressed by vocal fundamentalists. It is a helpful reminder that there are loving, thoughtful Christians out there--and I wish they were the more vocal ones. (Thanks for speaking up, Tim.)
This would have been a five-star book if it hadn't been for the poor editing. I usually remove a half star for a book that has more than minor typos, but there were so very many in this book (usually homophone problems: sew/sow, hostile/hostel, shutter/shudder, etc.) and they became so distracting that I felt obligated to deduct a full star.
Although I wish this book were required reading for all rigid Christians, I think it will be most effective for those moderate to right-leaning religious folks who want to be open-minded and to understand and love others beyond their own worldview. It might also prove helpful for GLBT folks who are trying to heal from a Christianity that handed out vitriol and shame rather than compassion and inclusion.
I admire the ways in which Tim challenged himself; he seems to honestly desire to love all people and to give them the benefit of the doubt. He seeks to love even the most blatantly unlovable: Westboro Baptist Church members. To be honest, he takes open and nonjudgmental to a level that would be a challenge for most of us, and I can't help but respect that.
This was a good read for someone like me who has grown skeptical of Christianity due to the hate and superiority so often expressed by vocal fundamentalists. It is a helpful reminder that there are loving, thoughtful Christians out there--and I wish they were the more vocal ones. (Thanks for speaking up, Tim.)
This would have been a five-star book if it hadn't been for the poor editing. I usually remove a half star for a book that has more than minor typos, but there were so very many in this book (usually homophone problems: sew/sow, hostile/hostel, shutter/shudder, etc.) and they became so distracting that I felt obligated to deduct a full star.
Although I wish this book were required reading for all rigid Christians, I think it will be most effective for those moderate to right-leaning religious folks who want to be open-minded and to understand and love others beyond their own worldview. It might also prove helpful for GLBT folks who are trying to heal from a Christianity that handed out vitriol and shame rather than compassion and inclusion.
October 22, 2012
As soon as I saw this book reviewed in the news, I couldn't wait to read it! It not only lived up to the reviews, it went well beyond what I expected!
Timothy Kurek was raised in Bible Belt, and brought up in an extremely conservative church. He was taught the Christian fundamentals of bigotry and hatred toward anyone that didn't live up to the Evangelical standards. But he knew something wasn't right; he felt it in his core. So he set out to see if he could learn what his inner voice was nagging him about, and he did so in one of the bravest, most unorthodox ways imaginable: he walked in the shoes of those he'd been taught to abhor. He redefined the phrase, "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you judge them."
I was impressed not only by his courage, but also his strength during his year long experiment. He made me wish I'd known him personally. As one of those "others" that he used to hate, I now see him as one of my heroes. I am a bi-sexual woman who lost family and friends when I came out of the closet, so I know exactly how he felt, and what it meant to him to face the possibility of losing those that meant the most to him.
As an atheist who also grew up with fundamentalist Christian views, I'm now someone who borders on anti-theist because of that upbringing. I could also relate to the hatred he encountered by his fellow Christians, just for not believing the same way they did. He touched a very deep nerve within me, and showed me that it's possible for someone like that to change for the positive if they truly want to.
The only downside to this book were the spelling and grammatical errors. I read the Kindle version, so I don't know if these editing mistakes were unique to the e-book or if they were among all versions. There were too many of them, which is why I dropped a star off of my rating.
Timothy Kurek was raised in Bible Belt, and brought up in an extremely conservative church. He was taught the Christian fundamentals of bigotry and hatred toward anyone that didn't live up to the Evangelical standards. But he knew something wasn't right; he felt it in his core. So he set out to see if he could learn what his inner voice was nagging him about, and he did so in one of the bravest, most unorthodox ways imaginable: he walked in the shoes of those he'd been taught to abhor. He redefined the phrase, "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you judge them."
I was impressed not only by his courage, but also his strength during his year long experiment. He made me wish I'd known him personally. As one of those "others" that he used to hate, I now see him as one of my heroes. I am a bi-sexual woman who lost family and friends when I came out of the closet, so I know exactly how he felt, and what it meant to him to face the possibility of losing those that meant the most to him.
As an atheist who also grew up with fundamentalist Christian views, I'm now someone who borders on anti-theist because of that upbringing. I could also relate to the hatred he encountered by his fellow Christians, just for not believing the same way they did. He touched a very deep nerve within me, and showed me that it's possible for someone like that to change for the positive if they truly want to.
The only downside to this book were the spelling and grammatical errors. I read the Kindle version, so I don't know if these editing mistakes were unique to the e-book or if they were among all versions. There were too many of them, which is why I dropped a star off of my rating.
October 22, 2012
My hat's off to Timothy Kurek - whatever your take is on the ethics of his idea, I think it was a pretty bold experiment. When I saw the trailer for the book and heard him speak so humbly and eloquently about his experience, I was interested enough to buy it.
I'm a non-Christian lesbian, so I suppose I'm not the intended audience for this book. I certainly enjoyed reading about Kurek's crisis of faith and his subsequent desire to experience what it is to be "the other" in a way that most straight white guys never will. I enjoyed reading about his welcome into the queer community and how it was difficult to navigate and I appreciated that he made an effort to see the people beyond the stereotypes. About halfway through the book, I thought "Well...good on you, buddy."
Towards the end, though, I felt like the story became really repetitive. I found myself just skimming through the last half of the book as Kurek gets depressed and self-indulgent, gets over it somewhat and basically tells the story of him relating to every LGBT person he meets while reiterating that they're just people who deserve to be loved. I barely finished the book.
As a big homo myself, am I offended by his experiment? Not really. To be honest, any attempt that anyone makes to really understand and empathize with other human beings is okay in my book. But for me, it was preaching to the choir, so I lost interest.
HOWEVER, I can see how this book would feel pretty healing for a queer person who grew up with fundies and lost everything and felt like an outcast when they came out. If that's you - read the book! If not, save your time and money and read an interview with Kurek instead.
I'm a non-Christian lesbian, so I suppose I'm not the intended audience for this book. I certainly enjoyed reading about Kurek's crisis of faith and his subsequent desire to experience what it is to be "the other" in a way that most straight white guys never will. I enjoyed reading about his welcome into the queer community and how it was difficult to navigate and I appreciated that he made an effort to see the people beyond the stereotypes. About halfway through the book, I thought "Well...good on you, buddy."
Towards the end, though, I felt like the story became really repetitive. I found myself just skimming through the last half of the book as Kurek gets depressed and self-indulgent, gets over it somewhat and basically tells the story of him relating to every LGBT person he meets while reiterating that they're just people who deserve to be loved. I barely finished the book.
As a big homo myself, am I offended by his experiment? Not really. To be honest, any attempt that anyone makes to really understand and empathize with other human beings is okay in my book. But for me, it was preaching to the choir, so I lost interest.
HOWEVER, I can see how this book would feel pretty healing for a queer person who grew up with fundies and lost everything and felt like an outcast when they came out. If that's you - read the book! If not, save your time and money and read an interview with Kurek instead.
November 3, 2012
What better way to get as close as possible to truly understanding what members of the GLBT community go through than to attempt to replicate the process. Tim did a wonderful job of being respectful of the process and emphasizing that he now understands the variations of all coming out stories and experiences. He gracefully acknowledges that his story could have been worse and that there are many out there that are worse.
Aside from the occasional typos and the conversation with his Pharisee, (necessary for him to address some points I am sure; however, it reminded me too much of the "inner goddess" dialogue that drove me crazy in 50 Shades of Grey) Tim did a wonderful job writing his book on such a sensitive topic where language and descriptions are of the utmost importance to ensure complete understanding of his point of view.
I am very happy that I completed his story and see that people really cam change. It is safe to say that Tim Kurek restored a sliver of my hope for humanity.
Aside from the occasional typos and the conversation with his Pharisee, (necessary for him to address some points I am sure; however, it reminded me too much of the "inner goddess" dialogue that drove me crazy in 50 Shades of Grey) Tim did a wonderful job writing his book on such a sensitive topic where language and descriptions are of the utmost importance to ensure complete understanding of his point of view.
I am very happy that I completed his story and see that people really cam change. It is safe to say that Tim Kurek restored a sliver of my hope for humanity.
October 16, 2012
Initially, when I heard about this book, I was concerned that a social experiment that has gone a-gay. Why would a minister want to solicit his best big black friend to pretend to be his lover? Then I began to read more and it proved to be a learning experience for me as well. Timothy Kurek makes a powerful statement as a straight man that places his hetero sexual life in the closet so that he can understand how another may live.
It is not an experiment for the weak at heart but a lesson in learning and tolerance. All the adages and clichés can be applied to walk a mile, drinking from the other fountain….grass, green, other side, yadda yadda, but what Mr. Kurek does is put all of those things into play and truly experiences humanity while he finds that his faith may have been stifling his path to enlighten.
I give this memoir, four pens.
It is not an experiment for the weak at heart but a lesson in learning and tolerance. All the adages and clichés can be applied to walk a mile, drinking from the other fountain….grass, green, other side, yadda yadda, but what Mr. Kurek does is put all of those things into play and truly experiences humanity while he finds that his faith may have been stifling his path to enlighten.
I give this memoir, four pens.
October 18, 2012
I thought this was a very thought-provoking book. It certain twisted my world view around especially when it came to my own prejudices against extreme fundamentalist Christians.
The biggest compliment I can give this book is it was about religion without being preachy. As I am not Christian, I was hesitant to read it because I had feared it would spend a lot of time trying to convert me, but the opposite is true. In fact, the author himself comes the realization that proselytizing is not the answer.
The only down side is the Kindle edition I read is just chock-full of spelling mistakes and bad editing (such as word omissions or word duplication), which is why I docked it a bit in my rating.
The biggest compliment I can give this book is it was about religion without being preachy. As I am not Christian, I was hesitant to read it because I had feared it would spend a lot of time trying to convert me, but the opposite is true. In fact, the author himself comes the realization that proselytizing is not the answer.
The only down side is the Kindle edition I read is just chock-full of spelling mistakes and bad editing (such as word omissions or word duplication), which is why I docked it a bit in my rating.
November 13, 2012
Northampton, Massachusetts. Where I live and work, where I drink and eat, where I walk and gab and play and read. I’m really starting to like this town. Folks are friendly, kind, peaceful. Not quick to judge you at face value. People seem much less obsessed with their appearance here compared to back home. Folks are very comfortable with who they are. They don’t feel the need to hide behind make-up, the right clothes and that bright I’m-always-this-happy smile.
Of late, my reading selections have changed to reflect the demographics of our little city. Smith College and other nearby universities add a lot of younger faces to a mix of aging hippies and working class Western Massers. Piercings and tattoos are nearly the norm in our fair city. Did I mention how Amelia and I initially felt naked for not having any ink when we first visited? Perhaps there is a uniform, just one with which we’re not very familiar. Our friend Sam once reflected on her own choices and the similarity to the Noho standard: “Oh, you’re a vegetarian? How original.”
Northampton is also the unofficial lesbian capital of America, a fact that even Wikipedia deigns to mention, and it’s readily apparent everywhere in the city. It’s something we noticed when we moved, if only because it wasn’t the norm back home, and it’s a fact that is proudly announced in bookshops and cafés and on many bumper stickers: Northampton, where the coffee is strong, and so are the women. Young and older couples alike can be seen holding hands or arm and arm, walking down the street from shop to shop.
Some would describe the way of life in Northampton as counter-culture (that sounds condescending and… stupid) or subculture (that’s just insulting). There isn’t a word I like that fits what I’m describing. This book review concerns rejecting labels, and though that’s putting the cart ahead of the horse, we’ll have a go at it from the beginning. The book in question is The Cross in the Closet by Timothy Kurek. The premise is straightforward, though that’s where the simplicity ends: Tim, who was raised Baptist in Nashville, Tennessee and studied at Liberty University, came out to his family, his friends and his church to experience firsthand the label of being gay. Though straight, Tim recognized that he treated people differently based on their orientation, and his response was to spend a year in the shoes of a openly gay man, fresh out of the closet. His book documents a year of both pain and healing, of love and hate, of understanding and rejection.
I first heard of Tim’s book through a tweet from Derek Webb, a songwriter and artist that I’ve admired for a number of years. Derek’s music has consistently challenged my conception of music, message and story. In one of my favorite albums (Stockholm Syndrome, a very personal and beautiful work), he directly addresses the failure of the Church in regards to the treatment of the LGBTQ members of our communities. His song, What Matters Most, strikes at the heart of this crisis. One of the lines of the song refers to the quiet, unassuming danger of silence. This, in essence, was the breaking point for Tim, as he was unable to give any comfort to a friend in the pangs of separation and isolation from her family. Thus begins the journey described in his book.
Institutionalized animosity towards the “different” and the “not like us” is nothing new. It is nearly as old as the hills we walk on. The problem addressed in this book is the source – a group of people who claim grace and yet withhold it, who claim truth and yet ignore it, who claim unconditional love for those who look and act like themselves. For a few years now, I’ve thought it my place to refrain from judging someone in favor of appearing sympathetic and kind. Silence is deafening. When I read Tim’s story, I immediately identified with his response and thought back to the many friends for whom I offered no comfort because I could not get past my own misgivings. It is the epitome of selfishness; it is the anathema to Christ.
Tim’s story swings from describing the new distance between himself and friends and family and the new relationships that spring up from his queer connections. He spends free time at a gay bar and lands a job in a café adjoining a bookstore in Nashville’s gay district. He chats with couples, with high schoolers, he plays catcher in a gay softball league and frequents karaoke night. His stories are often funny, though more often heartbreaking. The account of his first AIDS charity walk and the absence of the Church strikes a unnerving chord. “Why aren’t they here?” Tim asks himself. It is a travesty that we feel the need to ignore the pain of our fellows – many of whom are our own brothers and sisters – in favor of self-serving moral superiority.
This book is a beautiful story about leaving labels behind. It’s how Tim ends the book, as himself, stripped of the need to identify as straight. He shows that as we peel back our prejudice, we are finally able to look our gay friends in the eye for who they are – people who have the same desires for love and acceptance that we do. While reading this book, I was briefly able to share in the joy of two mothers whose adoption paperwork finally cleared. Their elation and love for each other and their new child was no different from other couples I know who have gone through the same process. I stepped out of my shell, out of my prison, and saw them for who they are – new parents equally high on the thrill and fear of a new member in their family. It was a beautiful moment, a memory that I’ve now tucked away for remembrance, an Ebenezer for my own life.
Of late, my reading selections have changed to reflect the demographics of our little city. Smith College and other nearby universities add a lot of younger faces to a mix of aging hippies and working class Western Massers. Piercings and tattoos are nearly the norm in our fair city. Did I mention how Amelia and I initially felt naked for not having any ink when we first visited? Perhaps there is a uniform, just one with which we’re not very familiar. Our friend Sam once reflected on her own choices and the similarity to the Noho standard: “Oh, you’re a vegetarian? How original.”
Northampton is also the unofficial lesbian capital of America, a fact that even Wikipedia deigns to mention, and it’s readily apparent everywhere in the city. It’s something we noticed when we moved, if only because it wasn’t the norm back home, and it’s a fact that is proudly announced in bookshops and cafés and on many bumper stickers: Northampton, where the coffee is strong, and so are the women. Young and older couples alike can be seen holding hands or arm and arm, walking down the street from shop to shop.
Some would describe the way of life in Northampton as counter-culture (that sounds condescending and… stupid) or subculture (that’s just insulting). There isn’t a word I like that fits what I’m describing. This book review concerns rejecting labels, and though that’s putting the cart ahead of the horse, we’ll have a go at it from the beginning. The book in question is The Cross in the Closet by Timothy Kurek. The premise is straightforward, though that’s where the simplicity ends: Tim, who was raised Baptist in Nashville, Tennessee and studied at Liberty University, came out to his family, his friends and his church to experience firsthand the label of being gay. Though straight, Tim recognized that he treated people differently based on their orientation, and his response was to spend a year in the shoes of a openly gay man, fresh out of the closet. His book documents a year of both pain and healing, of love and hate, of understanding and rejection.
I first heard of Tim’s book through a tweet from Derek Webb, a songwriter and artist that I’ve admired for a number of years. Derek’s music has consistently challenged my conception of music, message and story. In one of my favorite albums (Stockholm Syndrome, a very personal and beautiful work), he directly addresses the failure of the Church in regards to the treatment of the LGBTQ members of our communities. His song, What Matters Most, strikes at the heart of this crisis. One of the lines of the song refers to the quiet, unassuming danger of silence. This, in essence, was the breaking point for Tim, as he was unable to give any comfort to a friend in the pangs of separation and isolation from her family. Thus begins the journey described in his book.
Institutionalized animosity towards the “different” and the “not like us” is nothing new. It is nearly as old as the hills we walk on. The problem addressed in this book is the source – a group of people who claim grace and yet withhold it, who claim truth and yet ignore it, who claim unconditional love for those who look and act like themselves. For a few years now, I’ve thought it my place to refrain from judging someone in favor of appearing sympathetic and kind. Silence is deafening. When I read Tim’s story, I immediately identified with his response and thought back to the many friends for whom I offered no comfort because I could not get past my own misgivings. It is the epitome of selfishness; it is the anathema to Christ.
Tim’s story swings from describing the new distance between himself and friends and family and the new relationships that spring up from his queer connections. He spends free time at a gay bar and lands a job in a café adjoining a bookstore in Nashville’s gay district. He chats with couples, with high schoolers, he plays catcher in a gay softball league and frequents karaoke night. His stories are often funny, though more often heartbreaking. The account of his first AIDS charity walk and the absence of the Church strikes a unnerving chord. “Why aren’t they here?” Tim asks himself. It is a travesty that we feel the need to ignore the pain of our fellows – many of whom are our own brothers and sisters – in favor of self-serving moral superiority.
This book is a beautiful story about leaving labels behind. It’s how Tim ends the book, as himself, stripped of the need to identify as straight. He shows that as we peel back our prejudice, we are finally able to look our gay friends in the eye for who they are – people who have the same desires for love and acceptance that we do. While reading this book, I was briefly able to share in the joy of two mothers whose adoption paperwork finally cleared. Their elation and love for each other and their new child was no different from other couples I know who have gone through the same process. I stepped out of my shell, out of my prison, and saw them for who they are – new parents equally high on the thrill and fear of a new member in their family. It was a beautiful moment, a memory that I’ve now tucked away for remembrance, an Ebenezer for my own life.
October 21, 2012
I saw a very brief piece on CNN about Tim Kurek's book. I felt compelled to purchase a copy from Amazon immediately (Kindle version). My first concern with Tim's book was how it might make people who are identified as LGBT feel, having sort of a trespasser or "spy" among them, thinking he was being authentic with them and later finding that he'd lied... however good his intentions might have been. By the end of the book, that concern had disappeared, probably because that same concern seemed to weigh on his mind throughout his chronicles.
The Cross in the Closet is a very thoughtful, thought-provoking, and well written book. There are many typos, usually in the form of misspellings or missing words. I chalk this up to the editors, tho. Another, similar issue is the name of a recurring character: Lance or Ben -- I think both names apply to the same character; if not, then I'm even more confused.
When Tim initially discusses his "coming out," he notes that people he had thought of as friends had taken the easy path of judgment and had done so "using the impersonal and soulless tools of social networks and email to do the dirty work." Which might be fair to say except that he indicates he used email to tell his former pastor, Jim, as well as others. Generally, when I receive email, I typically respond in kind. Tim also describes being hurt not only by Pastor Jim's response, but by the fact that it was sent from the pastor's phone. Email is email, and personally I would have felt honored that my church pastor stopped everything he was doing and replied to my email from his phone.
Halfway through Tim's journey, he accidentally "outed" himself as straight to his brother's friend at a party. Apparently the friend asked Tim, "But don't you miss boobs," and Tim responded without thinking, "Yeah, I do." After which he came clean to this friend and swore him to secrecy... But, really? Maybe it really did go down this way, but it sounds kind of lame. Surely Tim could have come up with an excuse or played it off as a joke.
But I don't mean to sound harsh; these criticisms aside, I think this is an outstanding book, and I highly recommend it. The tone is casual, conversational, and Tim's journey is enlightening. It's a very engaging read, and I felt connected to Tim almost all the way through the book.
I hope Tim continues on his path. I'm looking forward to the next book he writes (I hope his editors are a little more attentive next time around).
Read
November 2, 2012The Cross in the Closet by Timothy Kurek
The Cross in the Closet is an excellent book, simliar to Black Like Me in which the author comes out as gay for a year to experience what it is like for L/G/B/T/Q's. He lived in Nashville and was open and honest about his struggles with discrimination and his own inner struggles with his theology. His book underlines how difficult it is for L/G/B/T/Q people to be open in their lives and the sacrifices they make. It underlines how the Church is one of the key elements in discrimination and oppression.
For me the book reminded me of my own journey--the difference being I can not go back--I am out of the closet as gay. I have lost family and friends over coming out and have created a new life for myself, a complete new idenity and way of living. This book presents a challenge of living within the straight community. The majority of my friends are liberal, straight people, but basically ignore queer sexulaty and issues--after all as they say it is "not an issue for them.
The author illustrates how painful it is for a young person. I was walking yesterday and a young man asked me: "Is it ever safe to be gay?", and that is in San Francisco, California.
As I read this book I thought of St. Augustine's quote about the Church: "She is a whore, and yet she is my mother." I have found my way back to the Church as a priest, on the fringe, but it is difficult, very diffcult. I read this book on All Saints Day and now it is All Soul's Day and the words of Frederick Buechner speak to me in these reflections:
"On All Saints' Day, it is not just the saints of the church that we should remember in our prayers but all the foolish ones and wise ones, the shy ones and overbearing ones, the broken ones and whole ones, the despots and tosspots and crackpots of our lives who, one way or another, have been our particular fathers and mothers and saints, and whom we loved without knowing we loved them and by whom we were helped to whatever little we may have, or ever hope to have, of some kind of seedy sainthood of our own." Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!
The Cross in the Closet is an excellent book, simliar to Black Like Me in which the author comes out as gay for a year to experience what it is like for L/G/B/T/Q's. He lived in Nashville and was open and honest about his struggles with discrimination and his own inner struggles with his theology. His book underlines how difficult it is for L/G/B/T/Q people to be open in their lives and the sacrifices they make. It underlines how the Church is one of the key elements in discrimination and oppression.
For me the book reminded me of my own journey--the difference being I can not go back--I am out of the closet as gay. I have lost family and friends over coming out and have created a new life for myself, a complete new idenity and way of living. This book presents a challenge of living within the straight community. The majority of my friends are liberal, straight people, but basically ignore queer sexulaty and issues--after all as they say it is "not an issue for them.
The author illustrates how painful it is for a young person. I was walking yesterday and a young man asked me: "Is it ever safe to be gay?", and that is in San Francisco, California.
As I read this book I thought of St. Augustine's quote about the Church: "She is a whore, and yet she is my mother." I have found my way back to the Church as a priest, on the fringe, but it is difficult, very diffcult. I read this book on All Saints Day and now it is All Soul's Day and the words of Frederick Buechner speak to me in these reflections:
"On All Saints' Day, it is not just the saints of the church that we should remember in our prayers but all the foolish ones and wise ones, the shy ones and overbearing ones, the broken ones and whole ones, the despots and tosspots and crackpots of our lives who, one way or another, have been our particular fathers and mothers and saints, and whom we loved without knowing we loved them and by whom we were helped to whatever little we may have, or ever hope to have, of some kind of seedy sainthood of our own." Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!
January 2, 2015
I think that this is a book everyone - EVERYone - should read. It's hard for me to rate it, however, because while I think the concept and topic are critical reading for everyone, the writing itself is not terrific. It's a book written by a "not a writer" writer, so it suffers from the limitations of its author. But its message is important and the concept behind it is more than noteworthy.
I admire and applaud Tim Kurek for leading us along the pathway the I honestly believe Jesus wants us to travel - that of love and acceptance.
It's the same concept as the classic "Black Like Me" written back during the Civil Rights Movement era - a man goes underground to understand the culture of a group that is marginalized, oppressed, and hated. And through his journey he discovers the flaws in himself and becomes an advocate.
Tim's desire to live for a year in this experiment is courageous. His willingness to share his journey is heartfelt and admirable. I wish he'd been better able to express himself, but the words on the page are his and that's enough, I think. It's not horrible reading, it's just a little overly simplistic, but maybe it needs to be because the group he's trying to reach suffers from its own simplistic thinking.
I only wish there was a way to get this book into the hands of the people who need most to read it, but I don't think there's much chance of any of them ever picking it up. Still - I can do my part by recommending it, and that's what I'll be doing with my friends.
I admire and applaud Tim Kurek for leading us along the pathway the I honestly believe Jesus wants us to travel - that of love and acceptance.
It's the same concept as the classic "Black Like Me" written back during the Civil Rights Movement era - a man goes underground to understand the culture of a group that is marginalized, oppressed, and hated. And through his journey he discovers the flaws in himself and becomes an advocate.
Tim's desire to live for a year in this experiment is courageous. His willingness to share his journey is heartfelt and admirable. I wish he'd been better able to express himself, but the words on the page are his and that's enough, I think. It's not horrible reading, it's just a little overly simplistic, but maybe it needs to be because the group he's trying to reach suffers from its own simplistic thinking.
I only wish there was a way to get this book into the hands of the people who need most to read it, but I don't think there's much chance of any of them ever picking it up. Still - I can do my part by recommending it, and that's what I'll be doing with my friends.
October 26, 2013
A fantastic idea! I first read about this book in an article on salon.com and had to give it a read. I identified with the writer's background, though I didn't have to go through his incredible journey before coming to similar conclusions. Anyone who believes being gay is a choice- a sin- should read this book.
The only draw back, and reason I give this book 4 instead of 5 stars, is the terrible editing. His editors should have been fired! Maybe it's just me who is bothered so much by it, but it went from a fantastic and entertaining read to a chore as I tried to correct countless mistakes throughout the book. A second edition (with better editors) could make things a lot better for this story and what it's trying to accomplish.
The only draw back, and reason I give this book 4 instead of 5 stars, is the terrible editing. His editors should have been fired! Maybe it's just me who is bothered so much by it, but it went from a fantastic and entertaining read to a chore as I tried to correct countless mistakes throughout the book. A second edition (with better editors) could make things a lot better for this story and what it's trying to accomplish.
December 1, 2012
I loved this book! (I won't synopsize it, as many others have quite adequately done so.)
Author Timothy Kurek is one of the most courageous people I have read about in a very long time. He lost so much by living as a "gay" man for a year; yet as a result he gained a deeper and more authentic faith. I wish that more evangelical Christians had the openness of heart and mind that Tim has. I hope that many of them will be led to this book, and that through reading it find the courage to truly love their neighbor-- even their gay neighbor-- just as Jesus taught. This is a very important and potentially transformative book-- and a fascinating read. I couldn't put it down!
Author Timothy Kurek is one of the most courageous people I have read about in a very long time. He lost so much by living as a "gay" man for a year; yet as a result he gained a deeper and more authentic faith. I wish that more evangelical Christians had the openness of heart and mind that Tim has. I hope that many of them will be led to this book, and that through reading it find the courage to truly love their neighbor-- even their gay neighbor-- just as Jesus taught. This is a very important and potentially transformative book-- and a fascinating read. I couldn't put it down!
November 27, 2012
The idea behind this book was relatively interesting but it was very simplistic and the writing was poor with so many typos. I think it would have been better if the author took a more objective stance than injecting personal emotion into every aspect of this book, turning it into a schmaltzy cringe fest and undermining some of the more poignant moments. I think it is great to confront some of this issues associated with the conservative churches but I found it hard to finish this book due to the writing style even though the subject matter is something I feel passionate about.
August 30, 2015
Excellent experiment or life adventure to honestly attempt to understand someone who is totally different from you or maybe just like you. This book helped me in my own journey to better understand my daughter and how to relate back to her as she has recently come out. I tire of the quickness of people, myself included, to judge someone without hearing their story. It's so easy to stereotype people and treat them like they are subhuman instead of seeing through the eyes of the gospel of grace and mercy. Thanks Tim for taking a risk that has benefited many on all sides of the issue.
January 10, 2013
This is a stunning book: raw, honest, gutsy. Living through the year of his experiment changed Tim Kurek's life -reading this might just change yours. It has given me a bigger sense of life without prejudice, of accepting and loving people as they are.
November 1, 2012
An absolute lifechanger of a book. I laughed, I cried, I was completely humbled. I plan to do a huge review at some stage, but I don't have time today.
January 9, 2013
Take a deep breath.
Breathe in ... A bit more ... Let it out slowly ... And relax.
The gay issue.
I told you to relax, didn't I? Breathing just that bit faster? Teeth and fists clenched? Tension rising?
Breathe deeper.
The gay issue.
There's the problem, why there's so much tension in churches about this. Right there.
The clue is in one of those three words:
the gay issue
Did you spot it?
I lied. Sorry.
The clue's in at least 2 of the words. Maybe a third.
'The' - the definite article. Making it, whatever 'it' is into something defined, boundaried, something you have to be fixed on. There's not much room for manoeuvre, debate or questions there.
'Issue' - what is an issue, in this context? Relevant dictionary definitions talk of, for example, "a point in question or a matter that is in dispute ... " (dictionary.com). Is there a 'point' in dispute here? Well, yes. Maybe. Really what's at stake is how some people relate to, have fellowship with, receive authority from, interpret the Bible with, other people. If it is an issue, then it's a relationship one. Relationship, or a word that implies it would work better.
'Gay' - who does that include, actually? Those who practice same sex intercourse? Those who feel oriented that way but choose not to? What about transgendered people? We could go on. The frequent abbreviation is LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender). Sounds more like a personality profile type, but there you have it.
I propose something like ... I don't know. The LGBT relationship dynamic.
Or not. Not quite what I was aiming for. At the moment I'm stuck in the problem.
Then along comes a book like Timothy Kurek's The Cross In The Closet. It helps me; then again it doesn't. The author lives in the Deep South of the USA, buckle of the Bible belt, where Christian sub-culture is often seen in one of its more conservative and vocal incarnations. He was, by his own admission, raised in and comfortable with it; he imbibed and then expressed a conservative approach to homosexuality. This book tells the story of his journey. A journey where he feels God is calling him, a single heterosexual male, to live as if he's gay for a year.
We follow his coming out to his friends and his family, the resultant alienation from people he thought loved him, conversations with what he describes as his inner Pharisee, finding Jesus in unexpected places, being 're-outed' before he was ready to his family as not really gay, the experience of what it really means to live in the closet - as a heterosexual man in a homosexual sub-culture ... and much else besides.
It's a startlingly honest and brave book (occasionally let down by some careless editing - not the author's fault). He willingly puts himself through all manner of stress and trauma, and ends up realising the issue of judgement runs far deeper in him than he ever dreamed. It's a prophetic and challenging route to dealing with 'the gay issue', by removing the 'issue' and definite article, redefining it all as a series of relationships which challenge and stretch and disturb the comfort of all.
If you're like me, you have a series of questions at this point. Is it fair, ethical, right to lie to people so deeply like this, even if it is in service of something bigger, maybe even just? How were the friendships he formed within the gay community (whatever those last 4 words mean) affected when he came out again as heterosexual at the end of it all? What's his exegesis of key Bible passages? The first question is danced around, thought about. The second you get walked through what happened. The third - it's not that kind of book.
Those, and a few more question besides.
The questions reverberate around my head for a time.
Then I'm reminded of a few other things.
I'm reading another book at the moment. It's a brilliant work of more academic theology called Exclusion and Embrace, by Mirsolav Volf. He talks of the need for truth to embrace and walk in the shoes of the other in order to heal division; and he talks of not sacrificing truth to do so. That says much to those questions, as does the whole of Volf's book (though it's a more dense piece of theology set alongside Kurek's narrative).
The other thing I'm reminded of is something about a man who became sin yet was without sin, and who asked me to take up my cross.
Of course, for some just using the terminology 'sin' there is unhelpful. The heart of the issue, you might say.
The Cross In The Closet will probably not shed new light on your understanding of the Bible. It's not trying to. It won't make you change your mind, wherever your mind is at the moment. I don't think it's trying to do that either. It's trying to make you think about how you think, which may be a much better place to start.
This book is by no means the last word. There are many, many more words written and not yet written to help us explore and define or redefine or whatever it is we need to do. What The Cross In The Closet gives us is a very, very important new first word.
Breathe in ... A bit more ... Let it out slowly ... And relax.
The gay issue.
I told you to relax, didn't I? Breathing just that bit faster? Teeth and fists clenched? Tension rising?
Breathe deeper.
The gay issue.
There's the problem, why there's so much tension in churches about this. Right there.
The clue is in one of those three words:
the gay issue
Did you spot it?
I lied. Sorry.
The clue's in at least 2 of the words. Maybe a third.
'The' - the definite article. Making it, whatever 'it' is into something defined, boundaried, something you have to be fixed on. There's not much room for manoeuvre, debate or questions there.
'Issue' - what is an issue, in this context? Relevant dictionary definitions talk of, for example, "a point in question or a matter that is in dispute ... " (dictionary.com). Is there a 'point' in dispute here? Well, yes. Maybe. Really what's at stake is how some people relate to, have fellowship with, receive authority from, interpret the Bible with, other people. If it is an issue, then it's a relationship one. Relationship, or a word that implies it would work better.
'Gay' - who does that include, actually? Those who practice same sex intercourse? Those who feel oriented that way but choose not to? What about transgendered people? We could go on. The frequent abbreviation is LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender). Sounds more like a personality profile type, but there you have it.
I propose something like ... I don't know. The LGBT relationship dynamic.
Or not. Not quite what I was aiming for. At the moment I'm stuck in the problem.
Then along comes a book like Timothy Kurek's The Cross In The Closet. It helps me; then again it doesn't. The author lives in the Deep South of the USA, buckle of the Bible belt, where Christian sub-culture is often seen in one of its more conservative and vocal incarnations. He was, by his own admission, raised in and comfortable with it; he imbibed and then expressed a conservative approach to homosexuality. This book tells the story of his journey. A journey where he feels God is calling him, a single heterosexual male, to live as if he's gay for a year.
We follow his coming out to his friends and his family, the resultant alienation from people he thought loved him, conversations with what he describes as his inner Pharisee, finding Jesus in unexpected places, being 're-outed' before he was ready to his family as not really gay, the experience of what it really means to live in the closet - as a heterosexual man in a homosexual sub-culture ... and much else besides.
It's a startlingly honest and brave book (occasionally let down by some careless editing - not the author's fault). He willingly puts himself through all manner of stress and trauma, and ends up realising the issue of judgement runs far deeper in him than he ever dreamed. It's a prophetic and challenging route to dealing with 'the gay issue', by removing the 'issue' and definite article, redefining it all as a series of relationships which challenge and stretch and disturb the comfort of all.
If you're like me, you have a series of questions at this point. Is it fair, ethical, right to lie to people so deeply like this, even if it is in service of something bigger, maybe even just? How were the friendships he formed within the gay community (whatever those last 4 words mean) affected when he came out again as heterosexual at the end of it all? What's his exegesis of key Bible passages? The first question is danced around, thought about. The second you get walked through what happened. The third - it's not that kind of book.
Those, and a few more question besides.
The questions reverberate around my head for a time.
Then I'm reminded of a few other things.
I'm reading another book at the moment. It's a brilliant work of more academic theology called Exclusion and Embrace, by Mirsolav Volf. He talks of the need for truth to embrace and walk in the shoes of the other in order to heal division; and he talks of not sacrificing truth to do so. That says much to those questions, as does the whole of Volf's book (though it's a more dense piece of theology set alongside Kurek's narrative).
The other thing I'm reminded of is something about a man who became sin yet was without sin, and who asked me to take up my cross.
Of course, for some just using the terminology 'sin' there is unhelpful. The heart of the issue, you might say.
The Cross In The Closet will probably not shed new light on your understanding of the Bible. It's not trying to. It won't make you change your mind, wherever your mind is at the moment. I don't think it's trying to do that either. It's trying to make you think about how you think, which may be a much better place to start.
This book is by no means the last word. There are many, many more words written and not yet written to help us explore and define or redefine or whatever it is we need to do. What The Cross In The Closet gives us is a very, very important new first word.
July 18, 2013
This is a gripping, emotional narrative of one man's journey from being a homophobic theocrat to an ally for the LGBT community. It contains well-written prose that makes the book difficult to put down.
I was especially moved by the author's heart-rending account of his past flippancy toward his (now deceased) gay supervisor, Todd. This book is partially the author's attempt at making reparations for that incident, and I appreciate the courage it must have taken to include that in the story.
The section describing the traumatic childhood of Angela, a transgendered woman, also serves as a poignant highlight from the rest of the text.
As a gay atheist, I take issue with the author's repeated praise of (the Christian) God. His incessant grovelling seems to gloss over the one factor that is responsible for causing so much needless suffering to LGBT people — faith-based thought. I will list a few examples here. I use location numbers because I have the Kindle version of the book:
3719: "[…] the powerful truth that our God is not vindictive."
Except for God's pesky genocidal tendencies in the Old Testament, eternal damnation in the New, and his own admission to the contrary in Hebrews 10:30, right?
We inhabit a planet where everything appears exactly the way we would expect it to if there were either a vengeful God, or none at all. Timothy Kurek might have found relative peace in Nashville's gaybourhood, but the world is still awash with hostility toward those who don't fit the sexuality or gender moulds.
The rising tyranny of the Ugandan and Russian governments, the savage murders of Eric Ohena Lembembe, Mark Carson, David Kato, Vladislav Tornovoi, and Steven Simpson, and the suicide epidemic that ravages LGBT youth serve as just a few indicators that Timothy's God is either powerless to help us, apathetic to human misery, or non-existent. One will also note that the majority of anti-LGBT crimes occur in regions that are steeped in religious paranoia and suffer from low affluence (and thus, poor science education) according to a 2013 Pew report entitled "The Global Divide on Homosexuality". The attrition of religion benefits the lives of sexual minorities.
3906: "[…] this lone angel [Shawn] of goodness whom God has brought into my life to make me a better person."
How fortunate Timothy must feel for God to have intervened so exclusively! However, one wonders why God hasn't brought similar people into the lives of Vladimir Putin or Robert Mugabe. Such an act would liberate far more gay people in a shorter period of time. And what of "free will"? Aren't we regularly told by Christians that God's apparent apathy is His way of respecting one's autonomy? Wasn't the author's freedom violated by God here?
4120: "[I] thank God for the things and people He has shown me."
Again, one assumes that God's energy would be better spent softening the hearts of conservative mega-church pastors. Far more suffering would be alleviated efficiently that way because they enjoy a larger audience than the author does.
4346: "I am sure of my God, who I believe more than ever sent his Son for me…"
How does Timothy know this, and why would God only send Jesus to an illiterate Iron Age tribe of Mesopotamian men in an era without video cameras rather than present Him to all people in all generations? The evidence for these claims is as tenuous as that for a young Earth. I suppose old habits die hard.
Such assertions cheapen "The Cross in the Closet" somewhat. They betray the author's struggle to rationalize the experience of being raised to believe things that are not true.
Notwithstanding this important caveat, Timothy's work still stands on its own. His attempts to understand LGBT people are nothing short of admirable and ultimately successful, even if he carries remnants of his burdensome childhood dogma. I recommend the book to everyone who cares about humanity.
I was especially moved by the author's heart-rending account of his past flippancy toward his (now deceased) gay supervisor, Todd. This book is partially the author's attempt at making reparations for that incident, and I appreciate the courage it must have taken to include that in the story.
The section describing the traumatic childhood of Angela, a transgendered woman, also serves as a poignant highlight from the rest of the text.
As a gay atheist, I take issue with the author's repeated praise of (the Christian) God. His incessant grovelling seems to gloss over the one factor that is responsible for causing so much needless suffering to LGBT people — faith-based thought. I will list a few examples here. I use location numbers because I have the Kindle version of the book:
3719: "[…] the powerful truth that our God is not vindictive."
Except for God's pesky genocidal tendencies in the Old Testament, eternal damnation in the New, and his own admission to the contrary in Hebrews 10:30, right?
We inhabit a planet where everything appears exactly the way we would expect it to if there were either a vengeful God, or none at all. Timothy Kurek might have found relative peace in Nashville's gaybourhood, but the world is still awash with hostility toward those who don't fit the sexuality or gender moulds.
The rising tyranny of the Ugandan and Russian governments, the savage murders of Eric Ohena Lembembe, Mark Carson, David Kato, Vladislav Tornovoi, and Steven Simpson, and the suicide epidemic that ravages LGBT youth serve as just a few indicators that Timothy's God is either powerless to help us, apathetic to human misery, or non-existent. One will also note that the majority of anti-LGBT crimes occur in regions that are steeped in religious paranoia and suffer from low affluence (and thus, poor science education) according to a 2013 Pew report entitled "The Global Divide on Homosexuality". The attrition of religion benefits the lives of sexual minorities.
3906: "[…] this lone angel [Shawn] of goodness whom God has brought into my life to make me a better person."
How fortunate Timothy must feel for God to have intervened so exclusively! However, one wonders why God hasn't brought similar people into the lives of Vladimir Putin or Robert Mugabe. Such an act would liberate far more gay people in a shorter period of time. And what of "free will"? Aren't we regularly told by Christians that God's apparent apathy is His way of respecting one's autonomy? Wasn't the author's freedom violated by God here?
4120: "[I] thank God for the things and people He has shown me."
Again, one assumes that God's energy would be better spent softening the hearts of conservative mega-church pastors. Far more suffering would be alleviated efficiently that way because they enjoy a larger audience than the author does.
4346: "I am sure of my God, who I believe more than ever sent his Son for me…"
How does Timothy know this, and why would God only send Jesus to an illiterate Iron Age tribe of Mesopotamian men in an era without video cameras rather than present Him to all people in all generations? The evidence for these claims is as tenuous as that for a young Earth. I suppose old habits die hard.
Such assertions cheapen "The Cross in the Closet" somewhat. They betray the author's struggle to rationalize the experience of being raised to believe things that are not true.
Notwithstanding this important caveat, Timothy's work still stands on its own. His attempts to understand LGBT people are nothing short of admirable and ultimately successful, even if he carries remnants of his burdensome childhood dogma. I recommend the book to everyone who cares about humanity.
April 9, 2013
Wow. I'm not much of a nonfiction reader but this book was just excellent. The premise at least. Sometimes the writing was a bit underdeveloped and a copy editor was desperately needed. But the premise of a conservative Christian deciding to spend a year as an out gay man to see what things are like is just fascinating (for lack of a better word). Reading the book was like experiencing the closet all over again but at least at an arm's length this time. It's been eleven years for me and I don't often think back to that experience in order to safeguard my sanity and sense of well-being. But this just brought it all right back. Both for his outing and the experience of living in the closet as straight; I can't imagine doing both at the same time. I respect Tim for that.
It was also an eye-opener in other regards than just the experience of coming out. It reminded me that I can get caught up in labels as well just looking in the opposite direction. I like to think I'm pretty good about equating people as people and recognizing when I'm focusing on a label or a facet of life but this book made me re-evaluate one group. I've always been leery of parents who aren't accepting of their children coming out as gay; I was lucky myself. Through this book, I was able to see how it isn't a lack of love, it's genuine concern for a loved one. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's entirely misdirected but I'm better able to empathize after hearing of the experiences.
And I know there are reviews out there lambasting this from both sides of the aisle. It was very disheartening to hear one reviewer complain about how only one transgendered person was mentioned and she had been abused as a child which was just so stereotypical. Well, guess what, stereotypes happen. And Tim even admits that his darker side, the Pharisee, made this connection but his better side was able to look past the stereotype and remember that she had realized her differences before those incidents.
Now I don't agree with Tim's religious views by any means (devout atheist here) but I am impressed by the man and would gladly buy him a drink if I were to ever meet him. And I'll think about the last little line about the rainbow being the gay symbol because it represents beauty and we all want to be beautiful in our own way.
It was also an eye-opener in other regards than just the experience of coming out. It reminded me that I can get caught up in labels as well just looking in the opposite direction. I like to think I'm pretty good about equating people as people and recognizing when I'm focusing on a label or a facet of life but this book made me re-evaluate one group. I've always been leery of parents who aren't accepting of their children coming out as gay; I was lucky myself. Through this book, I was able to see how it isn't a lack of love, it's genuine concern for a loved one. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's entirely misdirected but I'm better able to empathize after hearing of the experiences.
And I know there are reviews out there lambasting this from both sides of the aisle. It was very disheartening to hear one reviewer complain about how only one transgendered person was mentioned and she had been abused as a child which was just so stereotypical. Well, guess what, stereotypes happen. And Tim even admits that his darker side, the Pharisee, made this connection but his better side was able to look past the stereotype and remember that she had realized her differences before those incidents.
Now I don't agree with Tim's religious views by any means (devout atheist here) but I am impressed by the man and would gladly buy him a drink if I were to ever meet him. And I'll think about the last little line about the rainbow being the gay symbol because it represents beauty and we all want to be beautiful in our own way.
December 25, 2012
I must admit, when I first heard about this book and the concept behind it, I was rather irritated and offended. I found something patronizing in the whole idea of this experiment-as though my friends and I are like some interesting new species of insect one studies in a biology lab, rather than fully formed human beings. THe idea of a straight man pretending to be gay to study the LGBT experience-it had a whole "life among the savages" feel to it I found distasteful. And I must admit, when I read the HuffPo interview about how he had to "understand" the discrimination and rejection LGBT people when they come out, I thought, "Couldn't he have gotten the same result by, say...thinking about the subject for five minutes?"
But I found myself moved by Tim's sincerity and his dedication to the project. His memoir of the year he spent "out" is poignant and the lessons he learned ring true. The writing itself won't win any Pulitzer prizes, but what it lacks in sophistication it makes up for in honesty and frankness. Perhaps Tim really couldn't understand until he had experienced it for himself-and I'm glad to read an interview with him where he acknowledges that he still can't truly know the GLBT experience since in his mind there was always a clock running till when he could go back to his old life, something the rest of us don't have. And I must admire his dedication to doing the experiment wholeheartedly-coming out to friends, family (though they found out the truth before the experiment was over), his minister, and living and working in a gay neighborhood and being with gay friends. Gimmicky as the concept of the book sounds, he truly did try to make the experience as real as possible, and I give him credit for that. Besides, Mel White, one of my gay heroes, blessed and encouraged the project, so who am I to reject it?
Mr. Kurek, I had my doubts, but you won me over with your honest, thought provoking efforts. I'll be recommeding the book to my friends and family. We could use more straight allys like you.
But I found myself moved by Tim's sincerity and his dedication to the project. His memoir of the year he spent "out" is poignant and the lessons he learned ring true. The writing itself won't win any Pulitzer prizes, but what it lacks in sophistication it makes up for in honesty and frankness. Perhaps Tim really couldn't understand until he had experienced it for himself-and I'm glad to read an interview with him where he acknowledges that he still can't truly know the GLBT experience since in his mind there was always a clock running till when he could go back to his old life, something the rest of us don't have. And I must admire his dedication to doing the experiment wholeheartedly-coming out to friends, family (though they found out the truth before the experiment was over), his minister, and living and working in a gay neighborhood and being with gay friends. Gimmicky as the concept of the book sounds, he truly did try to make the experience as real as possible, and I give him credit for that. Besides, Mel White, one of my gay heroes, blessed and encouraged the project, so who am I to reject it?
Mr. Kurek, I had my doubts, but you won me over with your honest, thought provoking efforts. I'll be recommeding the book to my friends and family. We could use more straight allys like you.
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