Staring at Lakes: A Memoir of Love, Melancholy and Magical Thinking

by Michael Harding

Winner of the Irish Book Awards' National Book Tokens' Non-Fiction Book of the Year and The  John Murray Show Listeners' Choice Award, a candid memoir of a middle-aged man on the verge of disaster—and how love brings him back from the brink Michael Harding gives a brutally honest and beautifully written account of his journey through life, and his failed attempts to find meaning which brought about a long period of depression. But this is a love story and Michael comes to realize that all things are sustained by love and this is where real meaning resides.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Irish Literature, Biography, Philosophy, Book Club

304 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2013

Reviews

[Frank Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the end of the first week in November we have a rather grandly titled Literary Festival in my home county. I say “grandly” because, unlike other such events which span a full week or at least a whole weekend, this one starts on Friday night and runs through Saturday. The best thing about it, however, is its geographical spread with events in several of the county’s smaller towns as well as the county town.
The opening event on the Friday night was an evening of readings and music in my local library. Michael Harding had star billing for that event. His reading from Staring at Lakes was a stunning performance.
That it was so much more than the usual reading would not have surprised me had I known as much about the man as I now do. He trained for the priesthood. His practice in that profession included the writing and delivery of sermons. He has written and acted in plays. Public performance is second nature to him. He does it well.
A significant portion of the book tells of how he became ill whilst touring a one-man show which he wrote and produced. It was during this physical illness that he became aware that he had been suffering from depression for most of his life and the book provides an eloquent and often moving account of that mental illness and its treatment.
But it also has much to say about religion; not just Catholicism and his disillusion with the Church, but Buddhism with which he became enamoured in his thirties. Several chapters deal with a journey that has all the hallmarks of pilgrimage. Harding does not use that word. He doesn’t need to; his descriptions of the places he visited and the people with whom he shared the experience is enough.
There are elegiac passages about parenthood and the passing of friends and relatives. But, though the underlying theme is the spiritual and mental loneliness of depression there are many moments that made me laugh, just as I laughed during his performance in our local library. Harding’s mastery of humour, his ability to see the funny side of even the most tragic of events, make his insights all the more illuminating for the reader.
I can unhesitatingly recommend this book. It is a deserving winner of the Bord Gais Energy Irish non-fiction Book of the Year award and should go on to win many more accolades.

PS the same event last year (November 2012)included Niamh Boyce reading from "The Herbalist". She lives in the next village and won best newcomer in this years awards. Am I not privileged to live in such a place? C S Lewis' birth place is just down the road.

[Vanda Bromwich · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was given to me to read by a friend. I found it a rather boring book -I just wanted to shout at him to realise that he was not the only person on the earth. I know this was a memoir written by a depressive, but he was just so self centred, no wonder he was so depressed.

[Gearóid · Rating 5 out of 5]

An audio book read by the author himself.
Such a great voice and so natural hearing him read his own story.
He is so honest and open about his life experiences.
Very interesting and dark in parts but tells it as it is.

[Bill FitzGerald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really liked this book.
It was one I could return to at any point and it never failed to make me laugh a little despite some serious subject matter.
It really is a beautiful and raw description of aging and coming to terms with change both in your body and surroundings with a view informed by both Buddhist and Christian teachings.
Very very good.

[Adrian White · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Sorrow' by The National

Sorrow found me when I was young,
Sorrow waited, sorrow won.
Sorrow that put me on the pills,
It's in my honey it's in my milk.
Don't leave my hyper heart below
On the water,
Cover me in rag and bones, sympathy.
Cause I don't wanna get over you.
I don't wanna get over you.

Sorrow's my body on the waves
Sorrow's a girl inside my cave
I live in a city sorrow built
It's in my honey, it's in my milk.
Don't leave my half a heart alone,
On the water,
Cover me in rag and bones, sympathy.
Cause I don't wanna get over you.
I don't wanna get over you.

[Cliona Kearney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is beautifully written and offers a real insight into depression. It is not formally structured but rambles along to the end when the various strands of the story are pulled together. Really enjoyed this book and couldn't put it down.

[Heelqueen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know what possessed me to read this book because even the back of it didn't really appeal me me. This book is a memoir of a man who's remembering his life and all the highs and lows of it. Mainly it's just pages and pages of him harping on about every mineute detail that has ever happened in his life. Seriously BORNING read

[Mary Mcgrath · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's the nature of the book to be introspective but have to say I found it self indulgent. While some passages were lovely in their descriptions and character portrayals , it was also repetitive. Is the lusting after young women an insight into the male psyche or a reflection on writers mid life crisis?

[Aisling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gread insight into depression and the inner life of an author. Beautifully written book and a tribute to the human spirit.

[Monica Flynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this. A very humbling and ultimately joyful account of coming to terms with oneself and depression. The darkness giving way to pleasure in small things. Good for the soul.

[Mairead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the courage and humour in this book. I wish you every happiness in your future, Michael Harding. Your willingness to light the way for others is much appreciated.

[Anthony Flynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written. It took courage to write about his depression and other illness he suffered, colitis , times spent in his room. Also the priesthood.

[Lady Drinkwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really unusual book. An ex priest turned writer telling us about his loves, life and thoughts. It takes us from Irish towns to the himalayas. Very poetic with a lot of reflections on love, ageing and spirituality.. as well as getting older and staring at lakes. I found the description of his short period in the priesthood and why he left it particularly engaging. Its the first time I've really got in the mind of a priest. It was also particularly interesting to hear about the hopefulness Vatican 2 brought to a generation, and the disillusion afterwards. Above all its a very Irish book with a great analysis of the Irish psyche.

[Paula Scollan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots to talk about and much to admire. There is an honestly to Harding's writing that I like. He doesn't shy away from things. A rich, searching and enthralling book. A pot of emotions.

[Sally45 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well done Michael Harding. I knew he lived in the “hills above Lough Allen”, which is where I was born and reared, but I had never got around to reading any of his writing. I have read all John Mc Gahern and Brian Leyden also from this area but had given up Irish writers a long time ago. Then I read Michael Harding’s story in the Irish Times - the lights go out on another solitary country life and I was smitten.

My opinion on Staring at Lakes – incredible. To be honest, I never thought I would enjoy a book about a depressed ex priest but I loved it. I read it in 4 days, but savoured the beautiful writing and that is unusual for me as I have not read a book for ages. It’s a nice light and at times laugh out loud funny read. Certainly the bit about the phone call to the Bangalore customer support line when his iPod broke down left me with tears of laughter. The book was so honest – the dog farting –– the depression – the colitis - the Author’s thoughts of past failures even the dishwasher struggle, but as he wrote these words they were never dark, John Mc Gahern was dark but Michael Harding is not. One criticism of the book though, the story was all over the place, but then so was his mind as he was on a personal journey and it happened over many years. I will certainly be reading more of his books.

[Anne McLoughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautifully written and honest memoir. He bares his soul, something that takes a lot of courage to do, and gives the bad with the moments of good. Wonderful cameos of his encounters with people throughout the book and at times being jolted out of his depression by observations of other humans. As a priest - how he'd ignored the old woman he saw every morning until she disappeared and was found drowned - thereby wakening him up to the necessity for more involvement with his parishioners. Bridget, the old woman in the mountain cottage, and her husband in a wheelchair in hospital..... her memories of her love for him when she met him.
Sometimes I wondered if the depression caused his drunkenness and lack of any sense of responsibility towards others or if it was because of this behaviour that he became depressed.
I loved the book and the sometimes lyrical descriptions, although how he managed to make Mullingar sound like the most exciting place in the world I'd have to question. I've knocked off one star because there were times I wanted to give him a kick up the arse - however, a wonderful book.

[Kiril · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book switches between different episodes of the author's life, most of which are quite beautifully described. Overall, there is little magical thinking happening, rather a careful optimism after the author overcomes terrible phases of depression and suffering. I do wonder if the author managed to recover without the help of anti-depressants, as he describes bad spells of debilitating depression, but also describes how on one occasion he was offered anti-depressants, which he refused to take.

[Terry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard Michael Harding on the Ray Darcy Show (RTE) and he just seemed to be someone who’s work I’d like to read. Staring at Lakes is about Harding’s struggle with depression, but it’s more of an autobiography -- I found it really interesting as he’s lead quite the life. This had the potential to be pretty depressing and heavy, but Harding keeps it light; he’s got quite the sense of humor.

[catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

really enjoyed it

[Ken Mannion · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. A great self reflection on his journey through life. Like his weekly article in the Irish Times, it also contains plenty of humorous moments.

[Valerie Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moving

[Roisin Meaney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great. Easy to read, compelling, original. Timeline a bit confusing at times, but overall really enjoyed it. Would like to have dinner with Michael Harding.

[S.L. Beaumont · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book club read for me. I am not big on self indulgent memoirs, although this was beautifully written. I guess I was left feeling rather melancholy.

[Shane Campion · Rating 5 out of 5]

A profound read, thought provoking and uniquely Irish. Leaves you thinking about life and what's important to the individual.

[Sean ODonovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

"...the fear of death that lies at the root of all depression."
Uplifting in its meanderings and concretely real in its honesty.

[Jennifer B. · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. I'm reluctant to really write the ugly truth of what I thought about this book, seeing as it's a memoir, written by a human being about his own self, and not a character or a story that can be critiqued without attacking the author.

I saw the mixed reviews, but I thought I'd give it a chance. After all, I enjoy memoirs, and they usually have a lot to teach us about how other folks live and cope. As a person with first hand depression experience, that was also a draw, to see how this man deals with it, and what wisdom he could offer.

Firstly I'll say that it's a fast read. The font used makes this practically a large print book. Also, it's not heavy reading, despite what you'd presume. So, there's the positive part of my review.

That's really all I can say without delving into the negative and why I really didn't enjoy this book. I didn't even like the writing style. He kept zigzagging in time, and it didn't work. I don't mind time hopping in books even if it's hard to keep up, but that wasn't the issue here. It was just a matter of "oh God, are we HERE again? Didn't you already beat this dead horse?" There were paragraphs, even pages that I read and thought "didn't I just read this?" Again, I've no problem with these devices when used well, but it was not the case here.

As for the "beautiful", "funny", and "sad" moments I was hoping to savor, zilch. Sure, this guy had some disappointments in his life, and that's sad. He made some jokes but I didn't laugh, not even inside. He tried to wax poetic on the inevitable futilities of life, but I'd heard them all before. They were trite. Maybe it's not his fault. Maybe I've read too many books and think too much myself. But I've the feeling if I had to spend more than 30 minutes in a room with this guy I'd have heard everything he's ever thought and I'd be the one depressed.

In fact, I don't think he even really suffered from depression. He's just bad at life. That and he has his head rammed so far up his arse that he can see out the other side.

[Whimsical Bear · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Snow was a chance to check out of life, to abandon the empty self, to forget history, to leave aside every feud, wound, hurt, or disgrace and begin again to play like a child and construct a new identity with frozen fingers in the big white wonder of a world made new".

Michael Harding is a lyrical writer, an observer of things big and small, while discussing his marriage, child, and the effects of depression and religion in his life. The book does not follow an entirely chronological path, which might cause some confusion, so it is best approached as more of a stream of consciousness ramble.
I don't know that I always liked the author. At times he seemed self-pitying, at other times philandering (I wondered how the Beloved and his daughter felt about some of the revelations in the book), and there is an almost Shakespearean baldness to some of the discussions about physical illness. And yet, for a book that features so much of the melancholy in the subtitle, there are flashes of hope and beauty. A book for meditators, thinkers, lovers of nature, and those who wonder what life is about and who they are in its midst.

[Frances · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read a review which said Harding is like Marmite - you either love or hate him. I think that is pretty accurate. Although I enjoyed some aspects of the book and acknowledge his battle with depression, I found him to be self-absorbed and careless with the feelings of others. There is humour and insight, but I don't expect to read more of his work.

[Ann-Marie Ng · Rating 1 out of 5]

very frustrating as the author's maddeningly self involved (but maybe that's the point, that depressed people frustrate) and his insights aren't particularly great or deep either. just full of emotions and even more emotions (not uplifting ones though)

[Maia O'Connell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the language this book used to talk about the human experience, especially about depression as having a contrary second part of yourself that "refuses to engage".
This man lived a very interesting life and writes about it in a very engaging way.