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Dacă dragostea ar putea gândi: cum să-ţi foloseşti mintea pentru a-ţi ghida inima
A groundbreaking book about why the one thing we all fear-ambivalence--is the one thing we must accept to find lastinglove.
"If Love Could Think" is an entertaining and practical book that addresses with warmth and intelligence the age-old question relevant to any stage of a relationship: whydoes love go wrong, and what can we do to make it right?
After many years of treating patients with relationship problems, psychologist Alon Gratch has identified seven common patterns of failed love.These patterns include, for example, narcissistic love, when a person has so idealized the partner and the relationship that they can't possibly continue to measure up; one-way love, when a person loves someonewho doesn't return that love; triangular love, when a third party, be it a mother, an affair, or a job is involved in the relationship; and forbidden love, the kind of relationship that is generally off-limits, such as when a teacher dates a student. In "If Love Could Think," Gratch shows us that all of these patterns stem from one fundamental problem-our own ambivalence.
With histrademark combination of depth and humor, and using many individual stories as engaging examples, Gratch walks us through the ways we get stuck in these patterns. In each case we are looking for perfect or ideal love.Every pattern creates an obstacle so we don't have to face our own ambivalence about the relationship or the other person. But humans aren't perfect, so no matter how wonderful love can be, there is nosuch thing as pure love. Ambivalence implies the existence not only of love but also of anger, disapproval, or disappointment. As Dr. Gratch shows, there are really only two choices: accept ambivalence as part of anyloving relationship, or continue to repeat the patterns of illusory love. Happily, using a simple yet powerful three-step approach, " If Love Could Think" helps readers to use their own minds to break thesepatterns of failed relationships and find real and lasting love.
"If Love Could Think" is an entertaining and practical book that addresses with warmth and intelligence the age-old question relevant to any stage of a relationship: whydoes love go wrong, and what can we do to make it right?
After many years of treating patients with relationship problems, psychologist Alon Gratch has identified seven common patterns of failed love.These patterns include, for example, narcissistic love, when a person has so idealized the partner and the relationship that they can't possibly continue to measure up; one-way love, when a person loves someonewho doesn't return that love; triangular love, when a third party, be it a mother, an affair, or a job is involved in the relationship; and forbidden love, the kind of relationship that is generally off-limits, such as when a teacher dates a student. In "If Love Could Think," Gratch shows us that all of these patterns stem from one fundamental problem-our own ambivalence.
With histrademark combination of depth and humor, and using many individual stories as engaging examples, Gratch walks us through the ways we get stuck in these patterns. In each case we are looking for perfect or ideal love.Every pattern creates an obstacle so we don't have to face our own ambivalence about the relationship or the other person. But humans aren't perfect, so no matter how wonderful love can be, there is nosuch thing as pure love. Ambivalence implies the existence not only of love but also of anger, disapproval, or disappointment. As Dr. Gratch shows, there are really only two choices: accept ambivalence as part of anyloving relationship, or continue to repeat the patterns of illusory love. Happily, using a simple yet powerful three-step approach, " If Love Could Think" helps readers to use their own minds to break thesepatterns of failed relationships and find real and lasting love.
"From the Hardcover edition."
238 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
16 people are currently reading
180 people want to read
About the author
Alon Gratch
15 books5 followersDr. Alon Gratch is an Israeli-born, New York-based clinical psychologist, organizational consultant, and author. He has been on the faculty of Columbia University and worked with clients such as Pepsi, Chase Manhattan Bank, Nikko Hotels International, and the NFL. Dr. Gratch is the author of The Israeli Mind to be released September 2015, the international bestseller If Men Could Talk, which was translated into 25 languages, and If Love Could Think. He has written for both academic and popular publications, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and USA Today.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
January 10, 2021
I did not expect to like it this much. As i was gazing in a bookstore, i saw the cheesy title and the pinkish cover and i opened it being convinced it would make me laugh. And the first thing that i read was like it was written about me. Then again. And again. At that point i was wondering what is going on. Then i read on the back of the book that it is about love patterns (bad ones ofc) and i realised i have been looking for these answers in a while, incapable of finding them out on my own. And then I decided that this book must go home with me.
Now I would recommend it for everyone. I think it is hard not to be touched by any of these patterns and the book will for sure give you some good insights.
Now I would recommend it for everyone. I think it is hard not to be touched by any of these patterns and the book will for sure give you some good insights.
July 9, 2008
I liked this book. I found some interesting thoughts in it.
March 2, 2012
"The guys main point, only point, is love is giving." I actually thought it was "be the person over try to find the person.' But, this will be your job to figure out.
September 3, 2020
Am avut norocul să dau peste cartea asta pe la 18 ani, când am plecat la facultate și am am dat peste multe persoane noi.
Mie mi-a fost de folos; au fost ca niște sfaturi bine explicate, despre cum să nu te arunci cu capul înainte și să-ți păstreazi luciditatea.
Sau, cum să-ți temperezi prietenii : )
Mie mi-a fost de folos; au fost ca niște sfaturi bine explicate, despre cum să nu te arunci cu capul înainte și să-ți păstreazi luciditatea.
Sau, cum să-ți temperezi prietenii : )
October 20, 2017
Great read!
It helps to clarify many feelings, thoughts, experiences.
I am looking forward for my friends to read this book, so that we could debate on it.
I recommend it no matter if you are alone, in a long-time relationship and so on.
I wish I had read this some years back...
It helps to clarify many feelings, thoughts, experiences.
I am looking forward for my friends to read this book, so that we could debate on it.
I recommend it no matter if you are alone, in a long-time relationship and so on.
I wish I had read this some years back...
January 19, 2024
Great and useful content, bad translation. The english version could be better.
January 23, 2024
A refreshing and easy to apply approach on love and human relationships.
April 16, 2009
Alon Gratch, based on "If man could talk" I'm really interested in knowing more about his views and soul/psychologic analyzes and insights. Soooo "LOVE" is the perfect ground since it is "the" MAJOR subject in ones life!!! ;-)
Dr. Gratch: Can't wait to open that one!
P.S.: I bit disappointed about the fact that 95% of the book is about what goes wrong ...
Dr. Gratch: Can't wait to open that one!
P.S.: I bit disappointed about the fact that 95% of the book is about what goes wrong ...
August 16, 2019
It has been an interesting experience reading this book. It reminded me that selfish fantasies are of no use, that love has to come from both parts and that I should not be in love with an image of love. One should use one's head to understand the other. And yes, love can think .
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews