The Parent Backpack for Kindergarten through Grade 5: How to Support Your Child's Education, End Homework Meltdowns, and Build Parent-Teacher Connections

by M.L. Nichols

Finally, a book that demystifies our daunting education system by giving parents the insights and strategies they need to build positive relationships with teachers and connect to their children’s learning in productive ways.
 
Involved Parents = Better Students

How do you ensure your child gets the best education possible when U.S. schools have become overburdened, test-driven institutions that rank only average worldwide? Decades of research confirm that when parents engage with their children’s learning, kids do better in school—and life. This straight-talking guide helps

• understand the critical role you play in your child’s education,
• connect with educators in respectful ways,
• encourage a love of reading in your kids,
• minimize homework meltdowns and disorganization,
• support students who struggle academically,
• help children navigate social situations and bullying, and
• fuel your child’s mind and body for learning.

Parent involvement looks different for every family and every child. Packed with real stories and tested strategies, The Parent Backpack demystifies our complex education system and gives you the insights you need to help your kids thrive.

Genres: Parenting, Education, Nonfiction, Family

320 pages, Paperback

First published July 23, 2013

About the author

http://www.theparentbackpack.com/abou...

Reviews

[Kimberly Hughes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really was expecting more, but I recognize that while there aren't any surprises and each topic is not really in that much detail, it is a great resource and overview for how to handle different areas of your child's education. The title and the book is geared through fifth grade, but really the information is good through middle school. I think it's a great first book for a parent looking to support their children through the public school system and will definitely give parents an idea of where to begin further research if they need more info on a particular topic.

There are a few issues that I had with the book. One is that it was way too optimistic about a teacher and staff's willingness to help you, but regardless of that, it certainly has the best method of dealing with them. Another issue I have is that it doesn't really tell you how to deal with the reluctant teachers of kids with disabilities and the inevitable help you will need or direct you to sources of such (http://www.wrightslaw.com/). A third issue that I have is that it assumes that you are going to always make the best decisions for your child using these methods and therefore need no guidance on how to correct problems or even how to recognize them when they arise. The last thing that slightly irritated me is that the government changes are all assumed to be fantastic improvements and that the only issue with them are the parents and teachers that have a hard time adjusting to change.

Overall, I would recommend the book though, especially for parents that are new to the system or whose children have just begun to have issues at school. It is filled with good advice, while most of which is common sense, is very useful and important to parents and because of the parent's emotional investment in their children might be having a hard time seeing on their own.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

(probably, 3.5) As a child of a teacher, I found a lot of this to be common sense. Still good reminders and it was interesting to learn a bit about how the standards have changed since i was in grade school. I did really like the take aways at the end of each chapter, since this made it helpful for skimming.

[Miriam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ch 5: words that work w Teachers
The Power of P3: Be Positive, Professional, and Persistent
"think about the outcome you want and make affirmative statements that move the situation forward. Agree on some action steps...Asking teachers what you can do to help at home will often motivate them to develop a plan or a strategy that will help the child beyond what they had considered before...be polite and respectful in your observations and feelings...In your discussions, be sure to restate next steps or the agreed-upon action. If you decide to go above the teacher, always tell the teacher your intention and that you're unsatisfied with the outcome of the situation...In your discussions, be sure to restate next steps or the agreed-upon action. If you decide to go above the teacher, always tell the teacher your intention and that you're unsatisfied w the outcome of the situation." (pg 93-94)

Ch 8: Balancing Academics w Connection and Confidence
"connect to an accepting adult...child needs to have a buddy, a similar-aged friend or relative w whom he plays and navigates the social and emotional waters of life from kindergarten on...a competence, a strength or interest." (pg 154)

"a friend w whom she can start to understand what a two-way loyal, trustworthy relationship means." (pg 157)

STAC Your Praise
STAC your praise on your child's efforts and progress. This will help you keep your language focused on the hard work and effort your child puts in rather than the outcome or his smarts. If the theory holds, motivation, competencies, and grades will follow.
S: Be specific in what you praise.
T: Keep it timely
A: Be authentic. (Don't praise effort when there was none.)
C: Praise only what your child can control. (pg 160)

Dr Hallowell shares in his book 'The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness' the five steps that he believes lead to a confident, connected childhood
1. Connection: The process begins w a child who needs to feel a close, satisfying relationship w an adult, and feel taken care of, understood, and loved unconditionally.
2. Play: Children need to play to learn to sovle problems, discover their talents, and learn how to maneuver socially.
3. Practice: To make progress, children must practice the same skill again and again. According to Dr Hallowell, 'The connection kids feel in making progress is more important than where the child ends up.'
4. Mastery: 'Mastery is a feeling, not an achievement', says Hallowell, 'when a child achieves a new skill and feels good, he feels motivated to tackle new challenges. This leads to increased self-confidence, positive self-esteem, and a can-do, optimistic attitude.'
5. Recognition: Recognition is needed to link the bridge from mastery back to connection. 'It instills personal pride and connectedness, which kids need to feel competent.' (pg 163)

Multiple Intelligences
-Linguistic
-logical-mathematical
-musical
-bodily-kinesthetic
-spatial
-interpersonal
-intrapersonal (pg 164)

Ch 10: The Social and Emotional Realities of Bullying
Your Support System
-communicating w your support system before she speaks to her daughter. "dealing w a bullying situation, no matter how your child or your family is involved, is intimidating, difficult terrain - and doing it alone is even scarier. Before you react to your child's situation or contact the school, lean on a spouse, friend, or another family member for emotional support.' (pg 191)

Coaching kids to speak up for themselves and others
"As long as there are others nearby, standing up to a bully in a nonreactive, unemotional way can be very effective. This is much more effective than ignoring the behavior or walking away, which research suggests often makes the aggressor more persistent...If the bullying behavior doesn't stop, gets out of control, or puts your child's safety at risk, coach your child to go to an adult or a teacher and explain the situation. If your child isn't comfortable doing this, do it together...A child who bullies wants power. If your child stands strong, speaks up to an aggressor w other children around him for support, the bully will usually move on and hunt down a weaker target. Here are some assertive words to teach your children once they understand why bullies do what they do,...look the aggressor in the eye and use the person's name:
-"Annie, that's not a nice word.
-Sandy, why are you cutting into the line?
-Alex, why are you picking on a little kid?
-Haley, it's mean to grab from someone.
-Rachel, you can use this monkey bar when I'm done.
-sorry, Ben. I still have ten more minutes on the computer. It isn't your turn yet.
-Sara, I don't like what you did (said). Please don't do it again.
-Jamie, it's not okay to say these mean things. Wee all want you to stop-now.
-Hey Will, I've had enough of your jokes for now. I need you to back off." (pg 199)

What to say and do
Giving our kids the tools of technology without training
1. Set limits: Be clear w your children that if they want the device or social media, they need to provide you w their passwords and account names. This alone is enough to keep some kids from sending threatening or mean messages.
2. Know what sites your kids visit and what they post. You wouldn't let them play at someone's house unless you knew where they were. The same holds true on the internet-w much more at stake
3. Teach them how to take a stand against bullies and speak assertively or approach the victim later, privately.
4. Teach them what respect, empathy, and tolerance means. Ask 'How would you feel if your friend Jamie sent you a message like that?'
5. Remind your kids often that what is put out into cyberland is out there forever.
6. no such things as "anonymous"
7. Don't ever call the parents of a child who is suspected dof bullying or cyberbullying
8. Teach your child that sexts and sexting is against the law for anyone under 18 and has sent some kids to juvenile jail.
9. Show your children sites that do nice things.
10. explain the difference between "tattling" and "telling" to your children. Telling is okay when someone's safety or character is at risk, including your own. Tattling on trivial, small issues that can be worked out among kids isn't necessary.
11. Spend as much time as possible as a family to counteract the social networking frenzy (pg 202)

Ch 12: Guiding Hw, Projects, and studying
The right place and time to do homework will depend on your child
Your child's temperament, learning style, and what day of the week it is in your fmaily schedule, are all factors that need to be considered in creating the hw schedule. many kids need to decompress from a day in structuredcd activities to just play. This is how they process their day. Hw battles often come abouut bc parents push kids to do hw when it's conveninet for them, not when it's the best time or place for the kids. Ask your kids what they think: when would be the best time to do your hw and where? A child +8 yr old or older cna probably think logically about this question and come up a w a great plan ..making sure your child understands that hw is a priority is just as important as where and when it's done. (pg 228)

How much time is too much?
The general rrule of thumb is 10 mins per day multiplied by the grade, with daily reading assigned as an extra.
If a child is spending more than 10% over the recommended hw time on a regular basis - minus their breaks, enlist the child of monitoring their time. Ask them to begin an assignment at the beginning of the hour. Have the child check the clock when they finish an assignment, add the mins up and write it down on the back of the paper. This keeps kids focused on finishing their work.

Split into sections
Encourage them to identify and start w the hardest section first when their brain is the least tired. This may take some convincing, but it's important. Tell them that you'll work alongside them and pay some bills for ten mins or empty the dishwasher while they do their hardest part. This also helps them see how much they can accomplish is a short time...Teach your child how to take a break just when they figure things our or they're at an easier section. This may seem counterintuitive, but it will get them back to the work faster. They won't dread it. Remember, kids like to conquer work. They want to feel competent and repeat it until they master it.

Check in w them
Checking on your kids' progress, rather than them coming to you or calling out to you regularly, keeps them focused on their work rather than getting you over to their side. If your child is seven, tell her you'll check back in seven minutes..then honor your commitment. This lets them know that you're paying attention, and it keeps you focused on when to check in. First and second graders will need more guidance than fourth graders. By fifth grade, kids need to be doing hw almost independently. Your eleven-min check might become a twenty-min check instead. (pg 231)

Praise their progress, not the result
Keep the praise specific and focused on what they can contol such as handwriting, showing their work, or giving theirr best effort...A child who believes she is hardworking is more likely to complete her homework w a positive attitude and not get frustrated.

Make connections to what your kids are learning (pg 232)

board games w kids ages 5-10 has a significant impact on math achievement (pg 237)

Ch 13: fueling your child's brain and body
Exercise trigers more nerve cells to bind together, which encourages more synapse connections and more leearning. Exercise causes new nerve cells to develop and creates even more connections in the brain. Studeies have also shown that processing speed and cognitive flexibility (the ability to shift our thinking from one thought or subject to another) is also improved w exercise. Playing a musical instrument and reading music, will fire nerve cells in math and other areas."

effects of Breathing and gum chewing on learning.
Just taking the time to breathe deeply and slowly for a few mins before taking a test or before starting hw can have a positive impact on concentration and motivation...chewing improves blood circulation in the brain, increases memory, and decreases anxiety."

Sleep and brain biology
the sleep hormone, melatonin, begins to release about an hour later as your child moves through puberty. This is called a delayed sleep phase. So by the time they reach high school, most teens cannot physically fall asleep before 10:30 or 11:30pm...Ideal start times, all kids would start school around 8am....Enforce regular bed times in the elementary ages so kids get the recommended 10-11 hours of sleep to optimize mood and learning. (pg 255-260)

Executive Dysfunction
What skills when?
K-2nd Grade (age 5-8)
-follow 2 to 3-step directions
-tidy bedroom or playroom
-perform simple chores w reminders (make bed, feed dogm, or take out recyclables)
-complete hw in a[proximately 20 mins
-remember to bring papers to and from school
-decide how to spend money
-control behavior (follow safety rules, rais ehand before speaking, keep hands to self)

3rd - 5th grade (age 8-11)
-follow directions/run errands (remember to do something after school)
-tidy bedroom or playroom w some vacuuming or dusting
-perform chores that take 15-30 mins (dinner cleanup, rake leaves)
-remember to bring books, papers, and assignments to and from school
-keep track of belongings when away from home
-complete hw assignments in less than 1 hr
-plan simple school projects (select book, read book, write draft and final report)
-keep track of changing daily schedule after school
-save money for desired projects
-self-regulate behavior (behave when teacher is out of class; refrain from temper tantrums, bad manners, rude comments)
(pg 263)

Initiation refers to the ability to recognize when it's time to start something or do a task that will spark a response.
When do you know you need to (do this chore)?
-I can't find my paper right away
-clothes are on my floor (pg 264)

Impulse control is the ability to stop and think about what you might say or do before acting.

Self-monitoring refers to a person's capacity to step back and observe her own behavior, to see and judge what is working or not working a in a social, emotional, or intellectual capacity.
Step back and think about how you feel in this situaiton vs how you wnat to feel what you do control.

PAVE the way to organization
P: Picture It
A: Agenda = action
V: Visual Maps
E: External Structures

start by teaching your child that any object that helps you organize your life (backpack, cubby, desk, purse, agenda, or closet) is a like a pet. It needs to be taken care of, meaning it needs some attention every day. Show your child how to put everything in its place. Let your child decide what goes where, but reiterate that this its permanent home. It lives there so you can find it again...Once everything is in its place, take a picture (or a few) of the open backpack and place the photos where they will serve as a reminder. Ideally, wherever your child packs her backpack every night, post the pictures in that place. (pg 267)
..take the photo by a face clock so your child associates it w the time to be ready.

Self-advocacy begins w a healthy dose of self-esteem, and healthy self-esteem comes from a child feeling loved, connected, and cconfident...catching your children doing things right and genuinely praising the progress they make and the effort they put in fuels their self-esteem. Learning how to set boundaries, stand up for what they need and want, and speak up when they don't understand adds to kids' feelings of competency.

If you're not sure where your child stands on the self-advocacy scale, observe him at a playground. Watch her in a group of friends. Does he approach other kids and initiate conversations or offer ideas? Does she express what she wants to do rather than acquiesce to what the other friends want? Observe your children in a store or at the library. Are your kids comfortable asking a store clerk or librarian a question to get more information? This is all part of the process and the earlier they get started, the easier it will be." (pg 273)
The first sstep to self-advocacy is raising a child's self-awareness level and understanding of her social, emotional, and physical needs.
The second step in self-advocacy is to have your child think about goals. What does she want to be beetter at? What does he want to achieve?
SMART: specific, measureable, achievable, relevant, and timely goals
Third step is about asking questions to get what you needs...comfortable talking...be sure to make your child aware of other existing resources that could answer the question (pg 275)

Don't write notes to your child's teacher when your child can handle the issue themselves; some children are ready to advocate for themselves as young as second grade.

[Thomasin Propson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't part of the public school system and find myself deeply distrustful of (and perhaps hostile to) the entire idea. The value I found in this book was not a "Hurrah, now school is going to be awesome!" way, but instead learning more about what is considered "good" parent/teacher relations.

I agree with Ms. Nichols' valuation of effective written communication (she provides ineffective emails/letters as contrast), but anyone familiar with business writing will already know those basics (nothing new).

According to The Parent Backpack, we should all accept that our children will have 15 mins of homework an evening for every grade level (next to none for Kindergartners, 15 mins for a 1st grader, 30 mins for a 2nd grader, etc.); if it takes them less time, we should be concerned that our kids aren't being challenged. That seems like FAR too much homework to me. I don't believe in homework at all, though. I am anti homework and am not comforted by knowing what to expect as the years progress, but instead feel angry at the very thought that my girls may never know the joy of a three hour "school" day as I enjoyed in my own child-led/unschooling history. I am not sure how to reconcile the fact that they will be in a public school and I hope they learn all they can and love learning with the fact that I dislike nearly everything about public schools and the manner in which they will be taught and fully expect them to hate it too.

I am fearful of the system, and while The Parent Backpack has some encouraging thoughts on how to connect with teachers and work in an imperfect classroom, I remain dubious about this entire situation.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid advice for interacting with schools and supporting kids in their academic journey through elementary school. The content is well organized so it's easy to skip over familiar content. The section on supporting your child's learning at home was focused on nurturing skills valuable in academic, personal and professional settings.

[Marc Geraldez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good advice to try and incorporate. Definitely bookmarked and highlighted a lot of passages here for future reference.

[Ross · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent overview of K-5 grades and what to expect (since, yes, so much has changed since we parents were in school...).

Bottom line - be a good parent and care about your kids. If you're reading this book, you're at least interested in being a good parent for your kids, so props!

Good for some pointers, what to expect and how to begin to handle various situations like bullying and technology.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this books on Good Reads. I so far have just briefly skimmed through it. As an educator, I definitely think it will be helpful for parents that need to add consistency and stability to their family life. I'll write a more concise review when I'm finished reading it! I'm sorry school started and then I was ill. I think this book makes the important point that education isn't just about sending your child to school but as parents you have responsibilities also. Find ways of bonding over homework instead of making it punishment. Parents need to be involved in their child's education especially at this time when they are forming a foundation.

[Taylor Troncin]

I entered in a goodreads giveaway contest and did not win a copy of this book. I was (and still am) interested in this book as my son just started kindergarten. I am studying to be a secondary education teacher - but there's a big difference between a high school student and an elementary school student (despite what some research implies).

[Ryan Work · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there were no major surprises, this book does a good job describing good practices for a parent with elementary age kids. It was very timely for me as my oldest just started kindergarten. The information covered was also very up to date especially where it discussed recent changes in teacher evaluations.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a parenting book stressing the school journey is a partnership with child, parent, teacher, school. When school shopping, parents should put this book on the must read list. Clear, concise, info bubbles and written to be understood and thought about. Highly recommend this work. Excellent job!

[Cara]

Really modern and helpful resources for parents of elementary age students! Wish I'd had this when my son started kindergarten but am grateful to have found it before my daughter began her journey through elementary school. Highly recommend for any parent trying to think about the type of school and activities for children entering or in K-5.

[Yolanda Gordon]

This is a great book by one of my fellow Mom Congress Delegates. Every parent should have a copy of the Parent Backpack before their child begins school. This book is chocked full of valuable information.

[The Suburban Eclectic · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Parent Backpack is a nice template if it is your first rodeo with your child and formal school system, but if you're looking into real insight on how and why a school (administrators, district, teachers) makes the decisions it does I don't think you're going to find it here.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent reference for anyone with school aged children, this will be on the shelf and I am sure used many times over the next few years.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book helpful as my son starts First Grade this year.

[Kelly Schlicher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative for parents of elementary students.

[Joann · Rating 4 out of 5]

A useful "common sense" approach to guiding your family through the elementary years. I thought the info about learning styles, how to study and some of the more tip based information was valuable.

[Tawni · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great ideas of how to deal with elementary school-homework, teachers, politics. Proves to me why it is good to be involved with your children's education.

[Sarabjit · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is helpful for me to learn a lot of things as a parent of first grader .

[Vid Babu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful- a great insight into where educations is today and what is expected of our kids and parents.

[Cami · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't feel like I learned anything from this book, though I agreed with her approach.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this book is common sense, but I thought some of the final chapters on facilitating quality study habits, attitudes and responsibility useful.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read about guiding your child through the elementary school years. It gave the basics for learning, interacting with teachers and how to build a solid foundation for your child's school years.

[Laura Kay Bolin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Filled with Common Core propaganda.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was an excellent overview of the educational system today and a parent's role in it. Worth a read if your only experience in public education is your own schooling.