We'll Be the Last Ones to Let You Down: Memoir of a Gravedigger's Daughter

by Rachael Hanel

Rachael Hanel’s name was inscribed on a gravestone when she was eleven years old. Yet this wasn’t at all unusual in her world: her father was a gravedigger in the small Minnesota town of Waseca, and death was her family’s business. Her parents were forty-two years old and in good health when they erected their gravestone—Rachael’s name was simply a branch on the sprawling family tree etched on the back of the stone. As she puts it: I grew up in cemeteries. And you don’t grow up in cemeteries—surrounded by headstones and stories, questions, curiosity—without becoming an adept and sensitive observer of death and loss as experienced by the people in this small town.

For Rachael Hanel, wandering among tombstones, reading the names, and wondering about the townsfolk and their lives, death was, in many ways, beautiful and mysterious. Death and mourning: these she understood. But when Rachael’s father—Digger O’Dell—passes away suddenly when she is fifteen, she and her family are abruptly and harshly transformed from bystanders to participants. And for the first time, Rachael realizes that death and grief are very different.

At times heartbreaking and at others gently humorous and uplifting, We’ll Be the Last Ones to Let You Down presents the unique, moving perspective of a gravedigger’s daughter and her lifelong relationship with death and grief. But it is also a masterful meditation on the living elements of our cemeteries: our neighbors, friends, and families—the very histories of our towns and cities—and how these things come together in the eyes of a young girl whose childhood is suffused with both death and the wonder of the living.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Death, Biography, Biography Memoir, Book Club, Grief

194 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

I'm a writer and associate professor of creative writing in southern Minnesota, where I was born and raised. WE'LL BE THE LAST ONES TO LET YOU DOWN is my first book for adults. I have written more than 20 books for the children's educational market. My book, NOT THE CAMILLA WE KNEW: ONE WOMAN'S PATH FROM SMALL-TOWN AMERICA TO THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION ARMY, is forthcoming in December 2022 from the University of Minnesota Press.

Reviews

[Kristin Thompson ashland · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't typically like memoirs because I feel like the author is using the platform to justify their behavior. This memoir, however, is more a story of growing up in a small town trying to figure out this big, complicated world. The writing is insightful, quirky, and fully relatable. I read it in a day and a half, which hasn't happened in awhile! I thoroughly enjoyed it!

[Lori Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading about all the different stories contained within the pages of this memoir. I don't often read memoirs, at least not the ones of normal, everyday, non-famous midwesterners. I found the stories about all the different cemeteries and the stories behind the tombstones entertaining. When we walk or bike or drive through a cemetery, how often do we stop to consider all the things that go on behind the scenes? Or about the people buried there? I used to enjoy riding my bike through the large cemetery in the town in Iowa I lived in at the time. The different stones, the different names, etc. and wonder, or imagine. And who hasn't heard at least one creepy cemetery story? This book is more than a book about graveyards. It's about family and communities and how we are all intertwined and how death affects us all in different ways. I was especially fascinated by the chapters on how she wanted to communicate with those who had passed on and the Ouija board. I also found interesting her curiosity about death and tragedy. Not a particularly riveting read, but entertaining and well-written just the same.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always been fascinated by cemeteries and the stories they hold, so I had a good feeling that the author and I would be somewhat kindred spirits on that concept.

And We’ll Be the Last Ones to Let You Down: Memoir of a Gravedigger’s Daughter did not disappoint.

Rachael Hanel’s respect and reverence for those buried at the cemeteries her parents cared for anchor this memoir while her personal experiences, memories, and photographs pull the reader in on a personal level as they are both gripping and touching. Hanel’s writing is smooth and engaging, and her willingness to really dig deep (no pun intended) makes this one of the best memoirs I’ve read in a long time.

[Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow. This was an amazing read! I had to stop and take breathers on occasion because it was just so powerful. Cheers to Rachael for writing a book that can be so insightful and uplifting about life and death without the depressing edge that is so innate to death and dying.

[Wayne McCoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

We'll Be The Last To Let You Down is a memoir by Rachael Hanel. It's a series of shorter stories in which she talks about her gravedigger father and life and death in a small town. The larger discussion is about how we deal with grief and death.

Rachael grew up playing among the gravestones in small cemeteries around her small town. Her father dug graves and her father and mother cut grass and tended the graveyards. Rachael grew up knowing the stories of the people who died, but grief never really hit home until it happens very close to her. Her stories alternate between some function of her father's job and a story of one of the departed. There is the man who lost his wife and children in one horrible accident, or the grave with the picture of the young girl, gone but frozen in time at that age.

The book features photos from Rachael Hanel's family. I really enjoyed the book and found the stories very personal, interesting, and worth reflecting on.

I was given a review copy of this book by University Of Minnesota Press and Netgalley in exchange for a fair review. Thank you for letting me review this book.

[Dianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

WE'LL BE THE LAST ONES TO LET YOU DOWN is an encapsulated view of a rather unconventional childhood growing up in a family whose business was tending to cemeteries, digging graves for the deceased. As a child, she was unafraid of death, played among the headstones, learned to respect the lives of those who had passed, because each had a story to tell that was more than the eye could see.

Rachael Hanel has shared beautiful moments and memories of her life growing up as the daughter of "Digger O'Dell," the name her father gave himself as a gravedigger. Some are funny, some sad, but each snippet is always told with love.

This ARC copy was provided by NetGalley and University Of Minnesota Press in exchange for my honest review. Publication date: March 19, 2013

[npaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pleasant surprise book that Meat Eater found at AWP. I am so happy I got the last copy. Well written, even paced, personable but universal enough that I totally related. Great balance.

[Karlynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very moving book, but especially so for me because my family and I lived in this town around the time this book takes place. Many of the people are very familiar to me, some close friends to my parents. The places are all part of my siblings and my growing up. But the book embraces a far more universal scope, that part of life that can not be ignored.....and that is death.

[Anna Burns Whooley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir lays out the evolving nature of the way we understand life, death, grief, loss, and family. As a Waseca County native, I identified with the central themes in the context of the small, Midwestern farming community that we share. I found myself recalling details of stories her mother shared with her as they are stories my mother and father shared with me, recognizing names, places, and people as I read. Though the rhythm of the vignettes took some time for me to become familiar with, I enjoyed Rachel’s writing style. I found myself emotional at our shared experiences in the complexity of humanity in our small part of the world.

[Pchu · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure why this book has a somewhat low star rating - is it because the title makes it seem like it will be a humor memoir, when this one is more sparse prose attempting to unpack the messiness of grieving a parent one lost as a teen? I personally really enjoyed it, even though I would also describe it as dry. There were still very poignant emotional moments and I appreciated the way the author traced the arc of her family tree.

[Tania Pryputniewicz · Rating 5 out of 5]

We know going into this memoir that death and grave digging will be central subjects, but far from casting a grim pall, both serve as a matter-of-fact means for seeing deeply into the narrator’s heart as she comes of age. In a series of perfectly paced vignettes, Rachael Hanel brings us into a world where tales of the harsh circumstances of ancestors mingle with the life and death stories of strangers one headstone at a time—stories she’s privy to at a much more intimate level because of the family occupation. Most of the book dwells on the arc of her role from early childhood to adolescent grave-digger’s helper as her father’s daughter. I loved the way Hanel moves from scene to scene; she gives us just enough room to breathe between intensities and gifts us an unflinching look at the way loss impacts the core of family and identity. I am eager to read Rachel’s next book!

[Jessica J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

An enjoyable memoir of what it was like to grow up in 1970s Minnesota, well-written but a little lacking in focus.

Rachel Hanel's father was a grave digger in their small town, so she grew up somewhat unfazed by death and cemeteries. These were all simply part of her day-to-day life. She writes about what that was like, while also giving us a peek into her family's history and exploring some of the losses therein. I liked reading Hanel's story, but I wish she had further plumbed some depths as I ultimately wasn't left with any real takeaways.

[Linda Kenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great title for this book. I was really interested in the perspective of growing up around cemeteries and the stories that were behind the tombstones. If you grew up in a small town the cemetery is a reflection of the lives of your neighbors and your own family. I too knew a couple who bought their headstone ahead of time and invited us all to go and see it. Eventually the grave was occupied but the story is told every time we pass them. I enjoyed the history; the look at life in a small Minnesota community.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fantastic read and a very interesting memoir of death in small town Minnesota. The story was so hypnotic and I could not put it down. It really touched me since I lost my Dad a few years ago. I loved reading about how she felt about the land because I feel exactly the same way. I long for wide open spaces. We know a lot of people who live in and around Waseca, MN so it made this book extra special. Highly recommended.

[Johnna Horton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hanel's prose is lyrical. LOVED it.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sweet, somewhat sad story of a girl and her family life.

[Loren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rachael Hanel's father was a small-town gravedigger and cemetery caretaker. As a child, she helped him by removing silk flowers so he could mow around gravestones. Her mother told her stories about the people buried nearby. Rachael liked the morbid stories the best, especially the murders. She studied other people's grief and thought she was comfortable with it. Then, when she was 15, her father suddenly died of cancer and her family completely fell apart. Three years later, her mother asked her to move away from home so she could start a new childfree life.

In many ways, Hanel's life was very typical before the internet changed everything. She and a friend fooled around with a Ouija board. Rachael bought a copy of Helter Skelter at a garage sale and read it far too young. Even the Midwestern distrust of emotions she grew up with is very familiar to me.

That stoicism, honed by an adulthood of working as a journalist, steals some of the resonance from this memoir. Hanel doesn't grieve at her father's funeral because she can't allow herself to become an object of pity. She doesn't get angry at her mother for abandoning her; she just moves out and finds another family to become part of. The detached way she recounts her life doesn't welcome the reader in. Instead, it's up to the reader to make emotional sense of what's happened to her. Reading this book twice -- before and after my own father's death -- has completely altered the way it affected me, because of what I'm bringing to the story this time around. Be aware if your own grief is still fresh.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down for long, so engaging and insightful. Hanel, the author, peals back the layers of her experiences, primarily with the subject of death. Her father was a gravedigger, making her familiar from a young age with the mortality that faces all humans sooner or later or unexpectedly. Through a series of growth spurts in her life, Hanel probes and uncovers what most in society repress, which makes for therapeutic reading. She takes on the deadly serious with frankness, an embracing and healthy perspective not commonly found in American society. Not only that, but she implements concrete sensory details in her descriptions that make the reading all the richer. I, too, connected with her pop culture references from my 1970-1980 generation, along with references truly pivotal from other important generations, such as: the British Romantic era and classical music. Set in small town Waseca, Minnesota, Hanel captures the vibe of rural town living. Her memoir impacted me profoundly. She connected with the top shelf of my schema, and brought me into the dark recesses of my mind as well with death the interloper, making think about dying, which makes me embrace living day-to-day.

[Holly Ristau · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm from Janesville, Minnesota, ten miles from Waseca, and I recognized the names and stories of some of the people in this book. In fact, Janesville is mentioned several times.

But I also recognized the pace of life in the small towns in my teenage years, and I enjoyed this trip down memory lane. When I read "The Hager kids would have jobs, not careers." I knew exactly what that meant. When the author talked about driving down the gravel roads, I couldn't help but remember the miles and miles of almost deserted roads, and parking off side for some passionate snuggling back in my teenage years. My sister was older than me, too, but we became best friends as adults, and I honestly never felt lonely like Ms Hanel. I think we also shared the reverence for our fathers which made time spent with them almost magical, even if we just went for "a drive." (Deadly boring, but sometimes ended at the Dairy Queen. You couldn't take the chance!)

I have no idea where I found this book. It's been on my shelf for years and I just grabbed it to read on an airplane while traveling. What a pleasant surprise to find such a good book that was right here all along!

[Virginia Van · Rating 3 out of 5]

Growing up in the small Minnesota town of Waseca where her father was the grave digger, Rachael Hanel grew up playing in cemeteries among the headstones, becoming a sensitive observer of death and loss as experienced by the people in this small town. But when her own father—Digger O’Dell—passes away suddenly when she is fifteen , she is forced top realize that death and grief are very different. This book is both heartbreaking and amusing, capturing the life in s a small mid-Western town in the 1970s and '80s but also the shattering affects of grief.

[Roxanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one day. It made me want to hug the author and never let her go.

I felt very connected with the author as a young girl. Innocent and needing much more love and guidance after her father's unexpected death.

I loved the photos that were included in the book. It felt like I was welcome into the author's life and felt I needed to be present to hear what she needed to share with me.

[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book took me back to my childhood when my family lived in Waseca. There were many familiar names, some dear family friends; I could relive my early growing years and be reminded why those years in Waseca and the surrounding area..visits to friends’ farm, Clear Lake, the sound of loons on the lakes, huge snowbanks, ice skating at the school, and the warm sunny days of endless summers were my favorite.

[Tim Timberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a whim and was surprised by how easy it was to read. I like reading stories about people, and the author provided many of the about people from her town and from her own extended family. Most of the stories were about death, which shouldn't be surprising given that her family business was cemetery maintenance.

[Joni Sensel · Rating 4 out of 5]

An entertaining, well-written, and unusual memoir with intriguing insights about a family's relationship with death and dying as well as life. The ending seemed to fall off a bit in my view, as though the author struggled to relate those insights to her present or future life, but a quite good memoir overall.

[Angie]

I picked this one up not so much for the quirky title as for the fact that I currently live in Waseca. Most of the places mentioned are familiar to me, as well as many of the surnames and a couple of the stories. Although I could see that the author was telling her story through the stories of the deaths of others, the narrative is not very cohesive.

[Therese Dotray-Tulloch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Local Waseca author writes her memoir centering around the tragically early death of her father who dug graves and maintained cemeteries for a living. A good read with some nuggets of truth to keep you reading.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a storyteller's memoir, beautifully crafted and full of universal insights while also deeply personal. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and read it in only two sittings. I simply could not put it down.

[Marie Zhuikov · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you've ever walked through a cemetary and wondered about the stories behind some of the gravestones and the people bured there, you'll find this Minnesota memoir of interest. It captures the feel of growing up in a small town and the heavy impacts that death has on families and communities.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perceptive and insightful exploration of death, grief, and a culture's effort to ignore the impact that a death leaves on those left behind. Hanel's book is not depressing (though it should be), but it does challenge the norms of how one is "supposed to act" when a death occurs.

[Wendy Johansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This "creative nonfiction" book made me cry of course, but also made me laugh and feel quite happy to be alive. It gave me a different perspective on the rituals surrounding death, and affirmed my personal feelings of grief.