I Only Want to Get Married Once: The 10 Essential Questions for Getting It Right the First Time

by Chana Levitan

There is no rule that says heartbreak must be a prerequisite for good judgment. If you don't want to be a divorce statistic and are ready for a long-lasting relationship, this book's for you. In today's divorce culture, too many people have stopped trusting their ability to build a loving and lasting marriage. Now renowned relationship coach and counselor Chana Levitan reveals the 10 essential questions everyone should ask before saying "I do." Readers will learn how spot long-term potential; know the difference between infatuation and love-how they work against each other and yet how they can work together; reevaluate their approach to love and what they really need to succeed in building a loving marriage; gain the confidence to steer through the decision making process of dating; and more. Filled with real-life anecdotes and insightful advice, I Only Want to Get Married Once helps readers get it right the first time.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction, Marriage, Judaism

143 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 11, 2013

Reviews

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

straightforward discussion of some reasonable considerations for anyone considering getting married (do you respect one another, do you like how you are with this person, are you able to communicate clearly and compromise when needed without losing yourself, do your friends/family see serious red flags.....).

aside from one brief mention of Gottman's stuff on ratio of +/- in healthy marriages, next to nothing about research. Driven mainly by anecdotes from the author's counseling practice, which were suspiciously neat and underdetailed -- typical case involved the patient (usually female) having some doubt or concern about a relationship, being asked one penetrating question or given one crisp bit of feedback by the author, implementing the explicit or implicit advice, and then "as far as I know, they are still in a very loving marriage".

would give 2.6 stars if available. it's not bad stuff, but neither is it so readily doable, and it is not novel if you follow the literature on couples distress at all.

[Lacey Haskell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this after my divorce. But I only wanted to get married twice 😅 so I read it and think it’s very helpful for keeping your head on straight while you’re dating. I want all my kids to read it before they get married.

[Hana Bilqisthi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes people equate a good marriage with no arguing. What they don’t realize is that when people squash and deny their negative feelings, they end up numbing their positive feelings as well. And they also build up resentment. The truth is, a certain amount of arguing, when done right, can lead to great communication. Some arguing and disagreeing is normal and even healthy. The question then is how much? Also, if people fight often, why in the world do they continue dating? Let’s explore the answers to these questions. How much arguing and disagreeing is okay? Dr. John Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, has done extensive research clarifying that there is a certain amount of negativity that any marriage can have and still be considered successful. According to Dr. Gottman, “Across the board we found there was a very specific ratio that exists between the amount of positivity and negativity stable marriage. That magic ratio is 5 to 1. In other words, as long as there is five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there is negative, we found the marriage was likely to be stable.”16 According to Dr. Gottman, it is preferable for the ratio not to drop under 20 to 1.17 However, if the ratio is at least 5 to 1, the couple have the potential for building a happy marriage.

[Shira Kavita · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. It takes you through ten questions you should be able to answer before marriage and it provides me with insights on the kind of things you should know about yourself before making the decision to share your life with someone else. I had a really good time reading this book and would recommend it to anyone considering marriage, or anyone wanting to work on themselves.

[Kelli · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some useful tips--I especially liked the chapter on values, and the difference between values, goals, and interests. Not all of it was relevant and lots of the advice I had heard before or was common sense, but overall has a list of good questions to ask yourself before getting married.

[Zac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of deeply important messages.

[Stephanie Brennan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains a lot of helpful advice. She clearly articulates 10 questions that should be asked when considering a relationship with someone. She uses a lot of real-life examples to illustrate her points, which helps to effectively communicate her ideas.

The main reason why I didn't rate this book higher is because the questions and ideas presented are pretty basic. None of the advice was particularly new for me and she doesn't address important topics like children/family planning or finances.

Overall I feel that this book offers an important starting point for thinking about what you value in a partner - but it is also only that: a starting point.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a helpful read: I would suggest it to any single. However, I much preferred The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas, which is on a similar topic. However, I would still recommend Chana Levitan's book, as well.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really, really wish I had read this book in HIGH SCHOOL. Especially the analysis on infatuation.

[Dani · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is informative, but must more geared towards people who are still dating.