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Vein Fire
One ordinary day, in one ordinary summer, Matt disfigured a childhood playmate with a cinder block. Five years later, he is released from a psychiatric facility and his circle of friends overlap with those of Hannah, the girl he maimed. He finds himself drawn to her, sadistically at first, but after Jared, an acquaintance from the hospital, covets her for his own disturbing uses, Matt struggles to protect her. Hannah's an outcast, not only because of the scars Matt gave her, but because of the ones she's given herself, too. Matt's heroin addiction and the way he exploits her body harm her in places sharp objects can't touch. Fearful that a dark secret will be disclosed, and with his addiction to heroin worsening, Matt chooses to abandon Hannah, allowing her to fall prey to Jared. Jared is a sociopath obsessed with a fantasy that Hannah can fly...a theory he plans on forcing her to test, even if the cost is her life. Vein Fire gives a startling portrait of Hannah, a young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. This dark, voyeuristic story exposes the dysfunction she surrounds herself with as a method of self-harm. Its beautifully written passages will haunt the reader, compelling them to learn the fate of the girl who couldn't say no. Vein Fire is a stunning debut novel by Lucia Adams which editors have proclaimed, 'redefine the transgressive fiction genre'. "One of the great things about ‘Vein Fire’ is its bravery and directness. It’s a dramatic and enlightening story of drugs, abuse, and the grey-areas of society; it shines a brave light on facets of humanity that the media tends to either glamorise, satirise or completely ignore. It is also a compulsive and pacey read. Ultimately, this is a manuscript that demonstrates a significant level of craft and originality." -- Harper Collins UK
368 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2012
7 people are currently reading
1428 people want to read
About the author
Lucia Adams
3 books46 followersLucia Adams is an American Transgressive Fiction author. Her first novel released, Vein Fire, received numerous unsolicited full manuscript requests from both large and small publishers as well as literary agents based upon the initial rough draft. One proclaimed that she has, “…redefined the Transgressive Fiction genre…”
Lucia began writing when she was a child, starting with screenplays and moving on to short stories and poetry. She has written many novels in the transgressive fiction genre, but has also penned novels in the horror, young adult fantasy, contemporary women’s fiction, and non-fiction genres. In Spring 2013, Season of the Dead, co-authored with three other authors, was published by Spore Press. Lucia is taking a break from publishing her work while she pursues opportunities in other forms of media. Her work appears in several anthologies and literary publications, for which she’s won awards.
During her spare time, Lucia designs and sews couture gowns, hikes in the forest to her favorite swimming hole, reads fairy tales to her puppy, and she may or may not have a clandestine chemistry lab set up in her basement. She often:
Writes about the difference between want and need and broken people
Stares at her palm, trying to rearrange the destiny lines
Contemplates the social consequences of being poisonous
Lucia lives in Pennsylvania, somewhere between a forest and a river.
Lucia began writing when she was a child, starting with screenplays and moving on to short stories and poetry. She has written many novels in the transgressive fiction genre, but has also penned novels in the horror, young adult fantasy, contemporary women’s fiction, and non-fiction genres. In Spring 2013, Season of the Dead, co-authored with three other authors, was published by Spore Press. Lucia is taking a break from publishing her work while she pursues opportunities in other forms of media. Her work appears in several anthologies and literary publications, for which she’s won awards.
During her spare time, Lucia designs and sews couture gowns, hikes in the forest to her favorite swimming hole, reads fairy tales to her puppy, and she may or may not have a clandestine chemistry lab set up in her basement. She often:
Writes about the difference between want and need and broken people
Stares at her palm, trying to rearrange the destiny lines
Contemplates the social consequences of being poisonous
Lucia lives in Pennsylvania, somewhere between a forest and a river.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
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April 6, 2016DNF @ 8%
. . . .Please DO NOT let my quitter shenanigans deter you from reading Vein Fire. I'm not a fan of angst riddled storyline and in my humble opinion the beginning of this novel had enough drama to feed a theatrical army.
Angst lovers rejoice as you've just hit the jackpot ... as soon as you one-click the title of course.
Lucia Adams, I wish you much success. Sorry your story didn't work for me :-(
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February 26, 2013
I do not possess the skills to unravel the complexity of the thought process behind Hannah’s need to continually self harm. I can only watch voyeuristically as each choice she makes leads her further down the path to self destruction. The complicated relationship between the three main characters, Hannah, Matt and Jared, each of them as complex as the other, all of them needing one another for different reasons and all of them mutually destructive to one another.
Then there is Hannah’s inability to say no to any situation or anyone. Her need and desire to be liked and accepted for who she is, not even loved, just accepted, the irony being, the real person is deeply buried beneath layers of self loathing and shame that the front she presents to the world is far removed from who she really is, a mask to hide behind, just as the self inflicted scars on her skin are nothing compared to the ones on the inside, because she does not even like herself.
Lucia Adam’s portrayal of Hannah is so vivid and skilfully done, you feel you have known her all your life by the end of the book. Her descriptions are raw and real, often brutal. The drug taking and sex does not hide behind any romantic notions, it is not about making love on a rose covered bed, it’s about wet patches on the couch. I don’t think any other book ever touched me so profoundly as Vein Fire. The story itself is compelling but the way it is told leaves a mark on your soul.
An absolute stunning debut by an author, I am sure, we will hear a lot more about in the future.
Then there is Hannah’s inability to say no to any situation or anyone. Her need and desire to be liked and accepted for who she is, not even loved, just accepted, the irony being, the real person is deeply buried beneath layers of self loathing and shame that the front she presents to the world is far removed from who she really is, a mask to hide behind, just as the self inflicted scars on her skin are nothing compared to the ones on the inside, because she does not even like herself.
Lucia Adam’s portrayal of Hannah is so vivid and skilfully done, you feel you have known her all your life by the end of the book. Her descriptions are raw and real, often brutal. The drug taking and sex does not hide behind any romantic notions, it is not about making love on a rose covered bed, it’s about wet patches on the couch. I don’t think any other book ever touched me so profoundly as Vein Fire. The story itself is compelling but the way it is told leaves a mark on your soul.
An absolute stunning debut by an author, I am sure, we will hear a lot more about in the future.
November 29, 2012
An exquisite view of a disease troubling millions of people. Impossible to put down so I read this all in one sitting even though it carried me late into the night hours. Never quite read anything like this. That has to be a good thing to be so unique.
December 1, 2014
I have so much to say about this book, I'm not sure where to start. I guess the first thing I want to say is: Whoever shelved this book as "Young Adult" was a fucking idiot and never to be trusted for any reason. This book is not for anyone under the age of 18. Hell, maybe under the age of 21. Seriously.
Reading this, right from the get go, you think damn...how much worse can it get for this poor girl? But it gets worse. It always gets worse. Every chapter. Hannah is sick, and in a lot of ways she's just as twisted as Matt and Jared are. And together, in any combination of the three, things just constantly go from "oh my god" to "holy........shit...." at the speed of light.
There are no likable characters in this story. There are no heroes. No one comes to rescue Hannah. But the twisted part is that for a little while, this book works its way so far into your head, that you start thinking, like Hannah, that hey...maybe it's not so bad. And then you take a step back or turn the page and realize nope, it is 100% exactly that bad.
If you're looking for a mind fuck that you can't put down until it's over, here it is. If you're looking for a happy ending... Go somewhere else.
EDIT: I wanted to add this because it really bugged me when I read the book. This has either never seen an editor or was seen by the WORST EDITOR IN THE HISTORY OF TIME. It is FULL of typos and errors, one on almost every single page.
Reading this, right from the get go, you think damn...how much worse can it get for this poor girl? But it gets worse. It always gets worse. Every chapter. Hannah is sick, and in a lot of ways she's just as twisted as Matt and Jared are. And together, in any combination of the three, things just constantly go from "oh my god" to "holy........shit...." at the speed of light.
There are no likable characters in this story. There are no heroes. No one comes to rescue Hannah. But the twisted part is that for a little while, this book works its way so far into your head, that you start thinking, like Hannah, that hey...maybe it's not so bad. And then you take a step back or turn the page and realize nope, it is 100% exactly that bad.
If you're looking for a mind fuck that you can't put down until it's over, here it is. If you're looking for a happy ending... Go somewhere else.
EDIT: I wanted to add this because it really bugged me when I read the book. This has either never seen an editor or was seen by the WORST EDITOR IN THE HISTORY OF TIME. It is FULL of typos and errors, one on almost every single page.
January 4, 2013
I loved this book! It's been a long time since I've read a book that I didn't want to put down. The story of Hannah is dark and depressing, but, wow! what a ride! Lucia Adams is an intelligent and riviting writer and I will be watching to read more of her novels. If you want to know what Vein Fire is about, you can read the overviews on various places selling this book to find out. I don't want to regergitate that here. I feel MY job as a reviewer is to give you my opinions and feelings that I get from reading a book, not in giving you another overview. This book disturbed me, shocked me, and made me think. Low self-esteem can be more devastating and harmful than any other emotional/mental problem, and hope can save save you.
December 6, 2012
The author crafts a new world in a genre that is both stark and challenging. Characters are woven and tangled in this story that pulls poetry from the ordinary and obsessive. I find myself thinking of this story again and again- a sure sign of this book and its writer's unique talent.
December 13, 2012
A story that navigates the seams in society through characters frenzied, flawed and fatal. Undeniable talent and vision. Would make an incredible screen play.
July 5, 2014
The first thing I have to say is that this book is incredibly graphic. If non-consensual sex and/or self-harm bothers you, put the book down now. I read reviews prior to reading, so I was somewhat prepared but I don't think anyone can fully prepare you for this book.
Hannah is an emotional trainwreck, to put it lightly. Her neighborhood "friend" Matt crushed her legs in an act of rage when they were thirteen, and Hannah has been self-harming and unable to say no to anyone or anything since. After Matt is released from the institution he has been committed to for the past five years, he is reunited with Hannah and introduces her to his world of heroin and other drugs, while eventually trying to protect her from a former acquaintance from the institution, the disturbed Jared who is fixated on Hannah and wants to make her fly.
This book was fascinating to me; all the characters were greatly disturbed but I found myself having moments where I liked each of them. I don't know if you can call Hannah the heroine as much as you can call her the damsel in distress, but the moments where she took control where the best parts of her story. I found myself extremely drawn to Matt, someone who knew he had issues but tried to overcome them in order to somewhat protect Hannah from Jared. Although he would protect her from such harm, he still encouraged her drug use and sexually objectified her. Jared, although wanting to essentially kill her in his twisted way of appreciating Hannah's beauty, seemed to be the most gentle and loving towards her, even discouraging her from drugs. This is one of my most favorite things about this book; there is so much chaos and complexity underneath the surface chaos of each character. I was hooked on this book and couldn't stop reading, not necessarily because it was an amazing read but because I had to find out what happened to these twisted characters. As far as the ending goes, I don't think it could have ended better.
Hannah is an emotional trainwreck, to put it lightly. Her neighborhood "friend" Matt crushed her legs in an act of rage when they were thirteen, and Hannah has been self-harming and unable to say no to anyone or anything since. After Matt is released from the institution he has been committed to for the past five years, he is reunited with Hannah and introduces her to his world of heroin and other drugs, while eventually trying to protect her from a former acquaintance from the institution, the disturbed Jared who is fixated on Hannah and wants to make her fly.
This book was fascinating to me; all the characters were greatly disturbed but I found myself having moments where I liked each of them. I don't know if you can call Hannah the heroine as much as you can call her the damsel in distress, but the moments where she took control where the best parts of her story. I found myself extremely drawn to Matt, someone who knew he had issues but tried to overcome them in order to somewhat protect Hannah from Jared. Although he would protect her from such harm, he still encouraged her drug use and sexually objectified her. Jared, although wanting to essentially kill her in his twisted way of appreciating Hannah's beauty, seemed to be the most gentle and loving towards her, even discouraging her from drugs. This is one of my most favorite things about this book; there is so much chaos and complexity underneath the surface chaos of each character. I was hooked on this book and couldn't stop reading, not necessarily because it was an amazing read but because I had to find out what happened to these twisted characters. As far as the ending goes, I don't think it could have ended better.
October 16, 2013
I'm surprised I didn't leave a review on this book! I hardly ever use this account and came in to leave a review on another book and can't believe I didn't review this.
So, onto it!
This is undoubtedly one of the best books I've ever read. It is sitting right by my computer and will always hold a central place on my bookshelves.
Reading this book, I really felt for Hannah, sometimes wanted to scream at her to watch what she was doing and who she was trusting... ultimately always wanted her to survive, come out on the better side of things.
As for the other central characters, Lucia Adams does a fantastic job of making you even want one of the nastier characters to somehow come out of the mire and turn out good. You're pulling for Hannah, you're pulling for the other characters, even though they at times are really horrible. Adams shows you the human side of them, making the reader realize how they became the people they are and making you have empathy for them.
This novel is direct when it comes to abuse, drugs, and the areas of society that we'd rather not see. You see them, hear them, and feel them when reading this novel. You will not want to stop reading, even when you wish you could.
So, onto it!
This is undoubtedly one of the best books I've ever read. It is sitting right by my computer and will always hold a central place on my bookshelves.
Reading this book, I really felt for Hannah, sometimes wanted to scream at her to watch what she was doing and who she was trusting... ultimately always wanted her to survive, come out on the better side of things.
As for the other central characters, Lucia Adams does a fantastic job of making you even want one of the nastier characters to somehow come out of the mire and turn out good. You're pulling for Hannah, you're pulling for the other characters, even though they at times are really horrible. Adams shows you the human side of them, making the reader realize how they became the people they are and making you have empathy for them.
This novel is direct when it comes to abuse, drugs, and the areas of society that we'd rather not see. You see them, hear them, and feel them when reading this novel. You will not want to stop reading, even when you wish you could.
April 7, 2013
It’s a rare debut author that can lay claim to what Lucia Adams can: Vein Fire was written in ten days, and that first rough draft prompted major publishers, agents, and film executives to court her. I doubt this rare treasure of an author can keep herself hidden away much longer.
This is transgressive fiction at its best. It’s a direct and raw look at cutters, drug abuse, and sociopaths. This story is so real, after you’ve read it, you will know someone’s lived it. Perhaps the best part is Lucia’s unique writing style. You can’t even compare it to anyone else’s. I predict she will be the one others will attempt to copy.
This literary novel will shake your soul and it’ll never be the same afterwards. This fast-paced read isn’t bogged down with experimental writing or fantasy elements. You simply get a story worth reading.
This is transgressive fiction at its best. It’s a direct and raw look at cutters, drug abuse, and sociopaths. This story is so real, after you’ve read it, you will know someone’s lived it. Perhaps the best part is Lucia’s unique writing style. You can’t even compare it to anyone else’s. I predict she will be the one others will attempt to copy.
This literary novel will shake your soul and it’ll never be the same afterwards. This fast-paced read isn’t bogged down with experimental writing or fantasy elements. You simply get a story worth reading.
July 4, 2015
Sometimes you go through things in life and it's a little more than you can emotionally handle. That's the truth about life and it's written in this book. Hannah is a broken and scared woman. She was once a girl who, like most of us, experimented and learned from the lessons that came from the things that we tried out while growing up. This is more than just a coming of age story about a girl who struggles with dealing with trauma, chronic pain, mental illness and drug abuse. This is a story that may disturb you, shake you, break you, trigger you and make you feel all mixed up inside. However, you may just feel something. And if that is what you want, then this is it. 3.5 stars for Hannah. - Review written by Felicia Johnson, Author of "HER".
September 1, 2013
There really aren't words to explain this novel. It will leave you feeling disturbed and yet wanting more all at the same time.
I felt a deep connection to Hannah. Many times I wanted to reach through the book and smack some sense into her. Of course I know it isn't that easy.
My own personal family deals with some of the issues that this book touches on. It is a hard subject to discuss, read, and especially to deal with.
Something that happened toward the end of the book is one of my own personal horrors (read it and you will know what I am talking about) and I will have nightmares JUST about that part for a long time.
Kudos to the author for tackling such a difficult subject in such a great way. Thanks for writing this novel and I hope to see more from you in the future.
I felt a deep connection to Hannah. Many times I wanted to reach through the book and smack some sense into her. Of course I know it isn't that easy.
My own personal family deals with some of the issues that this book touches on. It is a hard subject to discuss, read, and especially to deal with.
Something that happened toward the end of the book is one of my own personal horrors (read it and you will know what I am talking about) and I will have nightmares JUST about that part for a long time.
Kudos to the author for tackling such a difficult subject in such a great way. Thanks for writing this novel and I hope to see more from you in the future.
December 17, 2017
What BS was this? Neither protagonist had a single redeeming quality. Matt was a evil son-of-a and Hannah was a pathetic, spineless character if ever I saw one.
I waited though. I waited for Hannah to grow courageous. I waited for Matt to grow a conscience.
And when neither happened and I couldn't tell who was more vile, I lumped the book over my head and yelled NEXT!
I waited though. I waited for Hannah to grow courageous. I waited for Matt to grow a conscience.
And when neither happened and I couldn't tell who was more vile, I lumped the book over my head and yelled NEXT!
March 6, 2013
So disturbing, but so good. I couldn't put it down...such good writing and loved the story being told from three different perspectives!
September 25, 2013
Wow! Review to come.
May 15, 2014
I really enjoyed reading this book! It was a deep and emotional read for me as I could understand a lot of what was going on here. Highly recommended.
June 10, 2015
Review to come
March 9, 2026
First and foremost, whoever flagged this book as YA is fucking sick in the head.
This book should NEVER under no circumstances be read by teenagers.
YES, the story happens to teenagers (a small portion of it, then it's young adults), but the author clearly did not intend to have a younger audience when she wrote this story.
There are no filters, and everything is depicted graphically. Very heavily.
This book is destroying me.
It's destroying me so much so, that I am currently starting this review at page 66, something I have never done before.
So, at page 66, I've already cried three times, as well as cursed the entire planet and yanked the book closed in anger more times than I could count.
Hannah does not deserve that.
I feel for her, but the worst is that I also feel for Matt, even though I hate him, but I can't help but feel for him as well.
They're both mentally sick and need help; help they obviously are not getting.
I'm scared to think I still have 300 pages to go.
Flagging a few things as spoilers, but take it that the entire review is a big spoiler.
Also, need to mention the only downside of this book is the many typos scattered throughout the entirety of the story.
I didn't mind as much as I would have with another book, though.
Update page 134 :
Yep, my soul has left my body.
Page 166 :
I am suffering through this book, scared every time I turn a page, of what's to come.
I feel for Hannah so much, fucking hell.
How much worse can a book get ??
(Spoiler, much, much worse.)
Re:page 166 :
I had only read one paragraph when I wrote my first update.
Now I've read the entire page and I'm crying, again, because FUCK , this description of
and I had to put the book down for the rest of the day, and start another one, the fluffiest romance I could find on my shelves (there was one, by some great miracles lol, this book knew its time would come), cause my soul needed comfort for a bit.
Continued the next day, and it seemed like even the author thought, 'right, that was a bit much lmao sorry guys', and toned it down for the next few chapters.
Reaching page 300, and I'm just here, frothing at the maw, cause this book has me in a complete chokehold ; the story has made it to a perfect balance, where a few small actions could take Hannah both ways : towards a happy ending or absolute utter despair.
Maybe the author feared for every reader's heart, cause I think we're gonna have a happy ending ??
Do I dare hope, 50 pages from the end ??
Cryingggggggg
And then I hate myself for crying, cause THE FUCK, I cannot ship them, Hannah needs stability, not fucking Matt !
But then.. I don't knowwwwww.
The way he calls her Angel, in regards of the carpet angels she makes when she's high.. Yep, I'm that easy to be won over.
Also, absolutely love the repetition of some sentences, coming back later in the story, slightly modified, either to accentuate that nothing has changed, or on the contrary, everything has.
THREE FUCKING PAGES LATER, Lucia Adams took my hope for a somewhat happy ending, crushed it, spit on it, then set fire to it.
This is fine.
Everything is fine.
I haven't talked much about Jared, but don't worry ; the guy has been cursed for generations to come through annotations of exquisite taste, such as :
-Back off, fucking creep.
-Get fucked.
-What a fucking asshole.
-Why don't you fucking die.
and so on and so forth.
The last 45 pages had me in an absolute rollercoaster of emotions : how can a book affect someone that much ??
Fuck you, Lucia Adams.
With all my deepest admiration and awe at what you created.
This book should NEVER under no circumstances be read by teenagers.
YES, the story happens to teenagers (a small portion of it, then it's young adults), but the author clearly did not intend to have a younger audience when she wrote this story.
There are no filters, and everything is depicted graphically. Very heavily.
This book is destroying me.
It's destroying me so much so, that I am currently starting this review at page 66, something I have never done before.
So, at page 66, I've already cried three times, as well as cursed the entire planet and yanked the book closed in anger more times than I could count.
He sunk himself in deep, but she was bottomless, like him.
Hannah does not deserve that.
I feel for her, but the worst is that I also feel for Matt, even though I hate him, but I can't help but feel for him as well.
They're both mentally sick and need help; help they obviously are not getting.
I'm scared to think I still have 300 pages to go.
Flagging a few things as spoilers, but take it that the entire review is a big spoiler.
Also, need to mention the only downside of this book is the many typos scattered throughout the entirety of the story.
I didn't mind as much as I would have with another book, though.
Update page 134 :
Yep, my soul has left my body.
Page 166 :
I am suffering through this book, scared every time I turn a page, of what's to come.
I feel for Hannah so much, fucking hell.
How much worse can a book get ??
(Spoiler, much, much worse.)
Re:page 166 :
I had only read one paragraph when I wrote my first update.
Now I've read the entire page and I'm crying, again, because FUCK , this description of
and I had to put the book down for the rest of the day, and start another one, the fluffiest romance I could find on my shelves (there was one, by some great miracles lol, this book knew its time would come), cause my soul needed comfort for a bit.
Continued the next day, and it seemed like even the author thought, 'right, that was a bit much lmao sorry guys', and toned it down for the next few chapters.
Reaching page 300, and I'm just here, frothing at the maw, cause this book has me in a complete chokehold ; the story has made it to a perfect balance, where a few small actions could take Hannah both ways : towards a happy ending or absolute utter despair.
Missing Hannah pulled at his gut, but wanting her pulled everywhere else.
Maybe the author feared for every reader's heart, cause I think we're gonna have a happy ending ??
Do I dare hope, 50 pages from the end ??
Hannah wasn't bottomless and this view was something no one had seen before—she belonged to him.
Cryingggggggg
And then I hate myself for crying, cause THE FUCK, I cannot ship them, Hannah needs stability, not fucking Matt !
But then.. I don't knowwwwww.
The way he calls her Angel, in regards of the carpet angels she makes when she's high.. Yep, I'm that easy to be won over.
Also, absolutely love the repetition of some sentences, coming back later in the story, slightly modified, either to accentuate that nothing has changed, or on the contrary, everything has.
THREE FUCKING PAGES LATER, Lucia Adams took my hope for a somewhat happy ending, crushed it, spit on it, then set fire to it.
This is fine.
Everything is fine.
I haven't talked much about Jared, but don't worry ; the guy has been cursed for generations to come through annotations of exquisite taste, such as :
-Back off, fucking creep.
-Get fucked.
-What a fucking asshole.
-Why don't you fucking die.
and so on and so forth.
The last 45 pages had me in an absolute rollercoaster of emotions : how can a book affect someone that much ??
Fuck you, Lucia Adams.
With all my deepest admiration and awe at what you created.
July 30, 2024
(Trigger warning // drug addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, self harm (cutting), physical abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault/exploitation including gang rape, etc.)
••
...Wow. I'd been really wanting to read this novel in, like, forever. The overall concept just sounded so compelling (and plus I'm all for supporting independent writers and discovering hidden gems under the literary radar). And thanks to my Mom for ordering this for me from Amazon on my 25th birthday (thanks, Mom!), I finally got the chance to get my hands on this book and the wait was definitely worth it. Now, onto my review!
This novel was really...something. From the 1st half of the book, introducing us to Hannah and Matt and the rather toxic relationship they had--the way Matt treated her was awful--to the moment when Matt, in a fit of rage, brutally disfugures Hannah by smashing a cinder block over her legs, my attention was instantly grabbed. A CINDER BLOCK. Does anyone know how heavy and unforgivingly steely a cinder block is?? And that's what Matt uses to literally slam Hannah's legs with almost to a pulp! (And apparently around 4 times too. Just...my goodness. 🤦🏾) And the imagery Lucia Adams uses in this particular chapter is raw, gritty, visceral, shocking and grisly, sparing us nothing. From that moment on Vein Fire grabbed me and did NOT let go.
Oh, and since we're on the topic of Lucia's writing quality and style, let me just say this: her writing is not only excellent, using vivid imagery and engrossing me within the minds and POVs of all the characters and overall story, but it's also so addictive writing wise, as in a dark type of addictive. I'd describe Lucia's writing as dark, elegant, raw, visceral, poetic, gritty, ornate, steely, twisted and at times dreamy and ethereal with a grainy black and white or sepia-toned, bittersweet nostalgia but not before quickly plunging back into darkness. Now I'm a synesthetic and this is usually applied to music. For me this can apply to music as well as writing depending on the mood, and the colors for me that I see are dark red, crimson, mahogany, deep wine, violet, dark purple and black; and all this next to the other descriptions for Lucia's writing definitely go together in a symphony of a beautiful nightmare. You want purple prose? This is it, folks, though I'd personally classify this as purple prose on Xanax and steroids with steel razors, placed over red and white roses drizzled in blood and arsenic with the same type of feel I'd get from a grunge or nu-metal song. It's beautifully sick and sickly beautiful (okay, I'm starting to ramble a bit, but I think I got my point across lol. Plus, since the topics of grunge and metal came in, I also think it's pretty cool that Lucia set this part of the story in the late 80s and then the latter part in the early 90s, namely 1994, the year yours truly was born! 😉😊).
All that out of the way, onto the main characters: each one of them were equally compelling, well written, complex, complicated, gripping and very well developed as well as satisfyingly four-dimensional. No clichés, no shortcuts, no caricatures, no none of that. Yet these relationships were also so...so...bizarre. Twisted. Sick. Abusive. Dysfunctional. But these are dysfunctional, troubled souls we're talking about here: Matt's a victim of an abusive household and I understand and feel for him in seeing where his anger issues and need for love, warmth, comfort and companionship comes from and why Matt uses drugs and alcohol at that point. But Matt is also very cruel and abusive, with the way he exploits Hannah sexually and emotionally, gets her into doing drugs and alcohol, lowkey blames HER for what Matt himself did (just...no), just had me shaking my head. One scene in particular where Matt verbally abuses and berates her, SPITS on her (TWICE) and douses aged urine on her...just no. Absolutely disgusting and unacceptable and I think any sympathy I might have had for Matt was gone by that point.
Now, Hannah. Oh my goodness did I want to shake some sense into this girl yet also give her a gigantic bear hug, take her home, wrap her up in a blanket like a sushi roll with some snacks and a drink, curl up in front of the TV with some movies and just protect her at all costs. Of course this wouldn't automatically solve anything but this would've given her comfort and solace from this cold, cruel world. Hannah's backstory is just extremely haunting and heartbreaking. She was just constantly dragged through the wringer, and that didn't stop with just Matt disfiguring her with a cinder block. Granted, her legs got reconstructed and she got her ability to walk and stand but Hannah's self esteem and self image was just destroyed and from that point on her life just downspiraled. She was constantly looking for love and approval from men to ease the aching loneliness and extremely low self esteem which culminated in her promiscuity, inability to say no, then being dragged into drugs and alcohol, cutting herself, being caught in an almost never ending black pool of depression, self hatred and emotional and mental turmoil. Then her co dependent abusive relationship with Matt and even an incident of being gang raped while high just added to her pain. All of this was so wince-inducingly painful to watch. My heart just really hurt for her and this is the most realistic, nuanced depiction of Borderline Personality Disorder I've ever seen.
Now Jared. ...Ya'll. Jared truly scared me at many times. On the outside Jared not only had the appearance of innocence (with blonde hair and brown eyes), but also sweet, charming, polite, well spoken, friendly, funny--the type of boy you'd take home to Mom and Dad. But look closer without rose colored glasses and there's nothing but darkness: Jared was also sociopathic, cunning, sinister, homicidal, etc., and carried a real sick fantasy of trying to make anyone he became obsessed with and deemed as special fly. Which by the time Matt meets Jared upon being sent to a mental institution, Jared's already acted on this which cost a young girl her life. And not to mention Jared also kills another boy named Danny by poisoning his grape juice, establishing Jared as pure evil. Fast forward to 94 when Jared's out and eventually meets Matt again and also meets Hannah, who becomes his next target as well as an object of his sick sexual obsession, and the deep, vivid peers into Jared's mind and thought process are extremely frightening, and more so regarding Hannah as I knew that her life was in literal danger. Yet, I also felt for Jared at times too! Jared was also a deeply fragile and troubled soul who felt emotionally trapped by the wounds from a neglectful upbringing and how birds and their ability to fly as shown in one flashback ties into Jared's MO of killing: it's both dark, sinister, menacing and disturbed yet also very sad and understandable in context; Jared feels stuck so what he does is, I don't know, help others find freedom, in a weird way (even though I don't excuse it).
I could go on and on about the story, characters, writing, plot, etc., and other moments in this book that really stood out and left an impression on me. But I'll just wrap this up and say that this is one of the most well written, compelling, gripping and haunting novels I've ever read with an extremely and beautifully eye opening, realistic look and examination of one the most complex, misunderstood mental illnesses out there (Borderline Personality Disorder), and I can proudly say that I own this gem of a novel. And kudos to Lucia Adams for not glamorizing, romanticizing, sugarcoating and/or glorifying mental illness, addiction, self harm, abusive relationships, sexual assault, etc. She wanted to show mental illness from the inside out and she definitely accomplished that. ❤
EDIT: Just created a playlist inspired by the book; it's a mixture of 90s grunge and nu metal songs as well as some early to mid-00s alt-rock/emo songs as this book's got that vibe that could cross over into and actually fit the current new wave alternative generation too just as the novel very much fits in the grunge generation of the 90s.
Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
Alice In Chains - Would?
Breaking Benjamin - The Diary of Jane
Red - Let Go
Papa Roach - Last Resort
Three Days Grace - Pain
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Nirvana - Something in the Way
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold
Alice in Chains - Rotten Apple
Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
Pearl Jam - Jeremy
Alice in Chains - Them Bones
Nirvana - All Apologies
Deftones - Change (In the House of Flies)
Chester Bennington - System
Alice in Chains - Nutshell
Linkin Park - Easier To Run
••
...Wow. I'd been really wanting to read this novel in, like, forever. The overall concept just sounded so compelling (and plus I'm all for supporting independent writers and discovering hidden gems under the literary radar). And thanks to my Mom for ordering this for me from Amazon on my 25th birthday (thanks, Mom!), I finally got the chance to get my hands on this book and the wait was definitely worth it. Now, onto my review!
This novel was really...something. From the 1st half of the book, introducing us to Hannah and Matt and the rather toxic relationship they had--the way Matt treated her was awful--to the moment when Matt, in a fit of rage, brutally disfugures Hannah by smashing a cinder block over her legs, my attention was instantly grabbed. A CINDER BLOCK. Does anyone know how heavy and unforgivingly steely a cinder block is?? And that's what Matt uses to literally slam Hannah's legs with almost to a pulp! (And apparently around 4 times too. Just...my goodness. 🤦🏾) And the imagery Lucia Adams uses in this particular chapter is raw, gritty, visceral, shocking and grisly, sparing us nothing. From that moment on Vein Fire grabbed me and did NOT let go.
Oh, and since we're on the topic of Lucia's writing quality and style, let me just say this: her writing is not only excellent, using vivid imagery and engrossing me within the minds and POVs of all the characters and overall story, but it's also so addictive writing wise, as in a dark type of addictive. I'd describe Lucia's writing as dark, elegant, raw, visceral, poetic, gritty, ornate, steely, twisted and at times dreamy and ethereal with a grainy black and white or sepia-toned, bittersweet nostalgia but not before quickly plunging back into darkness. Now I'm a synesthetic and this is usually applied to music. For me this can apply to music as well as writing depending on the mood, and the colors for me that I see are dark red, crimson, mahogany, deep wine, violet, dark purple and black; and all this next to the other descriptions for Lucia's writing definitely go together in a symphony of a beautiful nightmare. You want purple prose? This is it, folks, though I'd personally classify this as purple prose on Xanax and steroids with steel razors, placed over red and white roses drizzled in blood and arsenic with the same type of feel I'd get from a grunge or nu-metal song. It's beautifully sick and sickly beautiful (okay, I'm starting to ramble a bit, but I think I got my point across lol. Plus, since the topics of grunge and metal came in, I also think it's pretty cool that Lucia set this part of the story in the late 80s and then the latter part in the early 90s, namely 1994, the year yours truly was born! 😉😊).
All that out of the way, onto the main characters: each one of them were equally compelling, well written, complex, complicated, gripping and very well developed as well as satisfyingly four-dimensional. No clichés, no shortcuts, no caricatures, no none of that. Yet these relationships were also so...so...bizarre. Twisted. Sick. Abusive. Dysfunctional. But these are dysfunctional, troubled souls we're talking about here: Matt's a victim of an abusive household and I understand and feel for him in seeing where his anger issues and need for love, warmth, comfort and companionship comes from and why Matt uses drugs and alcohol at that point. But Matt is also very cruel and abusive, with the way he exploits Hannah sexually and emotionally, gets her into doing drugs and alcohol, lowkey blames HER for what Matt himself did (just...no), just had me shaking my head. One scene in particular where Matt verbally abuses and berates her, SPITS on her (TWICE) and douses aged urine on her...just no. Absolutely disgusting and unacceptable and I think any sympathy I might have had for Matt was gone by that point.
Now, Hannah. Oh my goodness did I want to shake some sense into this girl yet also give her a gigantic bear hug, take her home, wrap her up in a blanket like a sushi roll with some snacks and a drink, curl up in front of the TV with some movies and just protect her at all costs. Of course this wouldn't automatically solve anything but this would've given her comfort and solace from this cold, cruel world. Hannah's backstory is just extremely haunting and heartbreaking. She was just constantly dragged through the wringer, and that didn't stop with just Matt disfiguring her with a cinder block. Granted, her legs got reconstructed and she got her ability to walk and stand but Hannah's self esteem and self image was just destroyed and from that point on her life just downspiraled. She was constantly looking for love and approval from men to ease the aching loneliness and extremely low self esteem which culminated in her promiscuity, inability to say no, then being dragged into drugs and alcohol, cutting herself, being caught in an almost never ending black pool of depression, self hatred and emotional and mental turmoil. Then her co dependent abusive relationship with Matt and even an incident of being gang raped while high just added to her pain. All of this was so wince-inducingly painful to watch. My heart just really hurt for her and this is the most realistic, nuanced depiction of Borderline Personality Disorder I've ever seen.
Now Jared. ...Ya'll. Jared truly scared me at many times. On the outside Jared not only had the appearance of innocence (with blonde hair and brown eyes), but also sweet, charming, polite, well spoken, friendly, funny--the type of boy you'd take home to Mom and Dad. But look closer without rose colored glasses and there's nothing but darkness: Jared was also sociopathic, cunning, sinister, homicidal, etc., and carried a real sick fantasy of trying to make anyone he became obsessed with and deemed as special fly. Which by the time Matt meets Jared upon being sent to a mental institution, Jared's already acted on this which cost a young girl her life. And not to mention Jared also kills another boy named Danny by poisoning his grape juice, establishing Jared as pure evil. Fast forward to 94 when Jared's out and eventually meets Matt again and also meets Hannah, who becomes his next target as well as an object of his sick sexual obsession, and the deep, vivid peers into Jared's mind and thought process are extremely frightening, and more so regarding Hannah as I knew that her life was in literal danger. Yet, I also felt for Jared at times too! Jared was also a deeply fragile and troubled soul who felt emotionally trapped by the wounds from a neglectful upbringing and how birds and their ability to fly as shown in one flashback ties into Jared's MO of killing: it's both dark, sinister, menacing and disturbed yet also very sad and understandable in context; Jared feels stuck so what he does is, I don't know, help others find freedom, in a weird way (even though I don't excuse it).
I could go on and on about the story, characters, writing, plot, etc., and other moments in this book that really stood out and left an impression on me. But I'll just wrap this up and say that this is one of the most well written, compelling, gripping and haunting novels I've ever read with an extremely and beautifully eye opening, realistic look and examination of one the most complex, misunderstood mental illnesses out there (Borderline Personality Disorder), and I can proudly say that I own this gem of a novel. And kudos to Lucia Adams for not glamorizing, romanticizing, sugarcoating and/or glorifying mental illness, addiction, self harm, abusive relationships, sexual assault, etc. She wanted to show mental illness from the inside out and she definitely accomplished that. ❤
EDIT: Just created a playlist inspired by the book; it's a mixture of 90s grunge and nu metal songs as well as some early to mid-00s alt-rock/emo songs as this book's got that vibe that could cross over into and actually fit the current new wave alternative generation too just as the novel very much fits in the grunge generation of the 90s.
Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
Alice In Chains - Would?
Breaking Benjamin - The Diary of Jane
Red - Let Go
Papa Roach - Last Resort
Three Days Grace - Pain
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Nirvana - Something in the Way
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold
Alice in Chains - Rotten Apple
Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
Pearl Jam - Jeremy
Alice in Chains - Them Bones
Nirvana - All Apologies
Deftones - Change (In the House of Flies)
Chester Bennington - System
Alice in Chains - Nutshell
Linkin Park - Easier To Run
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 8, 2020
Mixed feelings about this one. I really enjoyed the story as a whole, but it is HORRIBLY edited, so I struggled to get through it.
December 29, 2016
Wild ride of a read! I liked it.
June 8, 2014
This was an interesting book that dives into the mind of someone who can't say no, and is subsequently brought into many situations that may be hard to read. The supporting cast are also full of their own problems and how they use the main character to their own ends.
So I definitely thought this was a thought provoking book, makes you think from a viewpoint most of us will not experience. The only reasons I wouldn't suggest reading it to my friends is because it does use an excessive amount of sexually charged scenes (of which are still following the idea this girl can't refuse peoples advances so it follows that aspect of the book) some of which are coupled with substance abuse where she is unaware of what is happening. However the second problem is that she is so passive a lead character. I understand if you choose to have a main character who makes decisions, or reacts to others decisions, but she doesn't seem to do either.
All that being said, it was well written and enough to make you want to continue reading to see how what you expect (or fear) to happen will play out.
So I definitely thought this was a thought provoking book, makes you think from a viewpoint most of us will not experience. The only reasons I wouldn't suggest reading it to my friends is because it does use an excessive amount of sexually charged scenes (of which are still following the idea this girl can't refuse peoples advances so it follows that aspect of the book) some of which are coupled with substance abuse where she is unaware of what is happening. However the second problem is that she is so passive a lead character. I understand if you choose to have a main character who makes decisions, or reacts to others decisions, but she doesn't seem to do either.
All that being said, it was well written and enough to make you want to continue reading to see how what you expect (or fear) to happen will play out.
December 10, 2018
Reading this book for me is akin to witnessing a train wreck. And I'm only half-joking. You feel giddy, sick, want it to stop and yet you can't look away. You know the outcome is going to be bad, but you can't stop turning the pages to know what happens next. And you don't know what exactly the pull or the allure is about this book. The characters are mostly broken to the core and can hardly be saved. It's like a wretched hand which grabs you and pulls you down into the deep darkness of the tortured souls.
Honest opinion: Do I like the story? No. Do I like the characters? No. Do I find the book highly captivating for some reason? A definite yes.
Honest opinion: Do I like the story? No. Do I like the characters? No. Do I find the book highly captivating for some reason? A definite yes.
August 19, 2013
I can't decide how I felt about this book. It was a page turner, and I can't say that I didn't like it, but I don't know that it was really my thing. I'm usually a fan of protagonists who aren't particularly likable, but Hannah just didn't do it for me. I couldn't root for her or anyone in the book. Maybe this is just a different kind of book than I'm used to. I did think the depiction of Hannah's mental illness and her struggles were genuine and refreshing for a book that says it deals with hard-hitting topics, most of which fall pretty flat. I think I'll give this book another shot some day.
March 20, 2013
Depressing, Disturbing, Addicting. But over all...this story is just WOW!
August 18, 2013
this was one f*cked up story! I got a little bored towards the end but overall I give it 3 1/2 stars.
December 31, 2013
One of the sickest book I've read this year.
April 30, 2013
This book will stay with me for a long time. For me, this is the highest of complements.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews