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Xylophone
Daren Boothe's most significant secret centers on an unlikely a xylophone. That secret led him to develop his professional alter-ego, a sensual, androgynous dancer. When Dare begins his second (and considerably more wholesome) job playing clarinet in a polka band, he meets a young man who takes his grandmother out dancing. But Dare knows the man has his own secret. Jonah Day immediately recognizes the clarinetist. Three years earlier they crossed paths in a therapist's office, but they both abandoned that route to mental health. Neither was ready then to open up about the psychological traumas that haunted them. In an attempt to heal their wounds, Dare and Jonah turn to each other. Understanding and empathy come instantly, accompanied by ambivalence about their growing attraction. But the repercussions of victimization are many. Soon, the very experiences Dare and Jonah share threaten to drive them apart.
162 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 11, 2012
2 people are currently reading
752 people want to read
About the author
K.Z. Snow
57 books273 followersThis says it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH7rt4...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 101 reviews
December 25, 2012
K.Z. Snow has tackled heroin addiction (Visible Friend) then religious theme (A Hole in God's Pocket) and now she brought child molestation into her stories ... and once again, she blew me away. I would love to write poetry on how beautiful this story is but I can't find the words. Val's review is the best in capturing what I think of the story.
Dare and Jonah are two wounded young men, who find each other, and heal each other with their love. I appreciate how K.Z. tones down the angst and the darkness of the past of these two wonderful soul. It doesn't mean that the story downplays the issue, but I find both Dare and Jonah don't pity themselves. The way that Dare creates the persona of Pepper Jack is an extremely keen display of his thoughtful mind. The way that Jonah survives his ordeal and alcoholism shows his silent strength. And when they make love ... so gentle and tender.
Slow is best, he kept reminding himself over Jonah’s pleas. Slow says, “I treasure you. And this opportunity to let my senses delight in you.”
And as you can read from that quote above, the writing is gorgeous, as always.
Dare and Jonah are two wounded young men, who find each other, and heal each other with their love. I appreciate how K.Z. tones down the angst and the darkness of the past of these two wonderful soul. It doesn't mean that the story downplays the issue, but I find both Dare and Jonah don't pity themselves. The way that Dare creates the persona of Pepper Jack is an extremely keen display of his thoughtful mind. The way that Jonah survives his ordeal and alcoholism shows his silent strength. And when they make love ... so gentle and tender.
Slow is best, he kept reminding himself over Jonah’s pleas. Slow says, “I treasure you. And this opportunity to let my senses delight in you.”
And as you can read from that quote above, the writing is gorgeous, as always.
April 16, 2014
It's interesting...with all the discussion going around these days about the pros & cons of 'content warnings', I happen upon a book that touched on topics highly emotional for me and my past and that I wasn't expecting...and led to a sleepless night, nightmares, and a weekend wasted with tears. Would I have read this book if I had known? Nope . Am I glad that I did? Actually... nope . I'm a bit traumatized, to be honest, but I'm glad that this book...exists. I can see how it would be helpful and therapeutic for some. In this circumstance, I most assuredly would have appreciated some kind of warning. If it weren't for some of the reader-selected genres in Goodreads and some of the reviews I checked first, I wouldn't even have clearly known from the blurb that this had abuse in it. (<-I don't find this to be a spoiler...if you do, my apologies...)
In any case...Xylophone is a book about 2 young men broken by their pasts and struggling to recognize what happened, find support through sharing, and moving forward in life. Daren...a clarinet player in a polka band ("let's polka!!!") AND a an androgynous dancer at a gentlemen's club unexpectedly meets Jonah, an insurance guy (I think?) and they forge a friendship based on some deep pains from their childhoods. Both Dare and Jonah are clearly damaged by these traumatic years and what this book does very well is get into the cavernous but layered & lasting effects of abuse...the emotions, the guilt, the shame, the fear, the disgust, the confusion...
What Xylophone does sorta differently, in my mind, than most other books about this topic is...well...it plays out the abuse, not just the more common healing-via-romance, on page. And for me that was HIGHLY difficult to read. Again, this is not a spoiler of the plot, but I think it's crucial that the reader knows what they're getting into. The abuse is described via flashback and written solidly so that I felt a bit like I was there...even now, I have a bitter taste in my mouth and what feels like a huge rock in my gut. Not graphic details...but the details remembered in a child's mind...and that's even more traumatic, in my opinion.
What the two are able to do is find some healing through honest sharing and with attraction and affection, find ultimately happiness together. I liked Dare and Jonah both so much. But, it was harder, despite the effort to do so, to associate or know their adult selves. Maybe it was me and my own issues, but I was so attached to their young, abused selves, I felt a bit disconnected from the present day pages. (I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day with this review alone!) And then the ending came suddenly, a bit over the top, and I almost didn't even recognize the characters.
I think the writing was solid and the story...important. But, I was too removed by my triggers (<-I kinda hate this term) to really get into the book. And that makes it neither helpful as a reviewer nor entertaining as a reader. I kinda just wish I hadn't read it. I've seen some reviews say it was angst-lite. Possibly so. Again, I'm probably the wrong person to ask...because it felt like a mack truck ran me over. Now pass the wine and the ice cream...
Read
December 15, 2012When I was 10 - 12 years old, a man called our house when I was alone. He said he was my father's friend which was believable since my father had a lot of friends and even more acquaintances through his job. the man was kind and asked all the right questions: how was school, did I learn anything interesting, etc. I've heard those a hundred times before. I remember a vague sense of pride because I was talked to like an adult. I wanted to be able to tell my father when he came home that his friend called and that I talked to him like a big girl. Only, the man didn't give his name. And he started spewing filth. I knew something was wrong even if I didn't understand everything. When I came to myself I disconnected. I never talked about it to anyone. Why? I was afraid and I was ashamed. I felt defiled. Like I did something wrong. In retrospect, I know the man wasn't really my father's friend. If he knew anything about my overprotective father, he would have been afraid for his life. In retrospect, I know I didn't do anything wrong. But, that doesn't change the way I felt at the time. 25 years later, this remains one of my worst memories.
Now, take my experience and multiply it by a thousand at least and you get somewhat close to the experiences of Daren and Jonah, the two young men abused by pedophiles. They are struggling with their experiences (which include family rejection) any way they can: Daren by creating an alter ago in exotic, androgynous dancer and Jonah by completely cutting himself from intimacy. Their accidental meetings, first in doctor's office and three years later during the dance where Daren's band plays, trigger the need to try and deal with their traumas, with each other's help.
The lack of heavy-handed angst is a huge plus for this book. The fact that author counts on readers' intelligence and imagination makes reading this very difficult though. I have a very vivid imagination. The sense of dread, especially when the men tell their stories to each other, is permeating and overwhelming. She doesn't spell the events for you but your imagination fills the blanks easily. The men's guilt, shame, hurt, the masterful manipulation by these human monsters - all these things are here in the story without being flung at readers. I was especially pleased that the men recognized in the end that they couldn't deal with everything without some professional help. But, they started each other's healing process and found strength and support in each other. The men's strength amazed me. Anyone going through that trauma and still walking straight is a hero in my eyes.
Their love-making scene was incredibly gentle and sweet and worked wonderfully with the rest of the book.
Daren's band - Bouncing Bob's Polka Doodles - provided the necessary lighter touch to the story. I think Val said it the best: "Their interactions with, and gradual understanding of, Dare will give you hope for the inherent decency and fair-mindedness of the human race." Bob's conversation with Dare about Jonah was both hilarious and touching.
The author displayed both courage and sensitivity in dealing with the subject of child abuse. It's hard for me to rate this story, partly because I feel that giving rating to it devalues the subject and partly because I tried to protect myself by distancing myself from the story and its protagonists, since I expected much more angst and more explicit description of abuse. I sort of formed the bubble around me while reading the book, so much so that I didn't even notice the writing. However, I feel that "absent" author is another plus for this book. I will have to think about rating and, maybe, give it later. Now that I know how the subject was handled, I'll maybe hold the rating until I reread the book.
However, for those who want to read the sensitive account of abuse consequences as well as the beginning of sweet love story, Xylophone is highly recommended. Anne Cain's cover is perfect too.
Now, take my experience and multiply it by a thousand at least and you get somewhat close to the experiences of Daren and Jonah, the two young men abused by pedophiles. They are struggling with their experiences (which include family rejection) any way they can: Daren by creating an alter ago in exotic, androgynous dancer and Jonah by completely cutting himself from intimacy. Their accidental meetings, first in doctor's office and three years later during the dance where Daren's band plays, trigger the need to try and deal with their traumas, with each other's help.
The lack of heavy-handed angst is a huge plus for this book. The fact that author counts on readers' intelligence and imagination makes reading this very difficult though. I have a very vivid imagination. The sense of dread, especially when the men tell their stories to each other, is permeating and overwhelming. She doesn't spell the events for you but your imagination fills the blanks easily. The men's guilt, shame, hurt, the masterful manipulation by these human monsters - all these things are here in the story without being flung at readers. I was especially pleased that the men recognized in the end that they couldn't deal with everything without some professional help. But, they started each other's healing process and found strength and support in each other. The men's strength amazed me. Anyone going through that trauma and still walking straight is a hero in my eyes.
Their love-making scene was incredibly gentle and sweet and worked wonderfully with the rest of the book.
Daren's band - Bouncing Bob's Polka Doodles - provided the necessary lighter touch to the story. I think Val said it the best: "Their interactions with, and gradual understanding of, Dare will give you hope for the inherent decency and fair-mindedness of the human race." Bob's conversation with Dare about Jonah was both hilarious and touching.
The author displayed both courage and sensitivity in dealing with the subject of child abuse. It's hard for me to rate this story, partly because I feel that giving rating to it devalues the subject and partly because I tried to protect myself by distancing myself from the story and its protagonists, since I expected much more angst and more explicit description of abuse. I sort of formed the bubble around me while reading the book, so much so that I didn't even notice the writing. However, I feel that "absent" author is another plus for this book. I will have to think about rating and, maybe, give it later. Now that I know how the subject was handled, I'll maybe hold the rating until I reread the book.
However, for those who want to read the sensitive account of abuse consequences as well as the beginning of sweet love story, Xylophone is highly recommended. Anne Cain's cover is perfect too.
November 24, 2013
Hello K.Z. Snow!
You sure do know how pack a wallop with just your words, huh?
"Xylophone" is chock full of metaphors, beautiful, pain filled words, wounds that can't heal, voices that never got a chance to announce themselves, a message about an unfortunate everyday occurrence of predators and the vileness that they spread in their wake, stains and scars that they leave on their victims.
Seems dark and icky right?
Surprisingly, the story is not as dark though it touches about a definite trigger, child sexual abuse. (If it is a trigger for you, stop right here, go find something else, okay?)
Daren is 26, cross-dresses as Pepper Jack in a strip/drag/club of sorts. It's a shield to hide the abuse he went through over 10 years ago. He gets a second job because not only does he love to dance, he's also a musician and plays part time for a polka band.
At a polka gig, he meets Jonah for the first time. Or so he thinks. Both men met before in the past, under stressful circumstances. And they learn about their painful pasts, share...heal.
Reading Jonah and Daren's trauma...my gut hurt from reading their scenes. The author not only portrayed the men well with their stories, she did not downplay their reactions to rush to a HEA. (Thank you!)
Both men needed time and they made it. This might have been one of the few romances where I actually did not want the MC to sleep together. both men are living, breathing scars that cannot fix any of their lingering issues over night.
And they didn't.
I enjoyed not only the way these two processed their trauma with sharing but also the feelings that developed for each other. It was pure and sweet.
Epic? No.
But a wonderful realistic twist about two damaged souls finding their own version of happiness.
*hopeful sigh*
You sure do know how pack a wallop with just your words, huh?
"Xylophone" is chock full of metaphors, beautiful, pain filled words, wounds that can't heal, voices that never got a chance to announce themselves, a message about an unfortunate everyday occurrence of predators and the vileness that they spread in their wake, stains and scars that they leave on their victims.
Seems dark and icky right?
Surprisingly, the story is not as dark though it touches about a definite trigger, child sexual abuse. (If it is a trigger for you, stop right here, go find something else, okay?)
Daren is 26, cross-dresses as Pepper Jack in a strip/drag/club of sorts. It's a shield to hide the abuse he went through over 10 years ago. He gets a second job because not only does he love to dance, he's also a musician and plays part time for a polka band.
At a polka gig, he meets Jonah for the first time. Or so he thinks. Both men met before in the past, under stressful circumstances. And they learn about their painful pasts, share...heal.
Reading Jonah and Daren's trauma...my gut hurt from reading their scenes. The author not only portrayed the men well with their stories, she did not downplay their reactions to rush to a HEA. (Thank you!)
Both men needed time and they made it. This might have been one of the few romances where I actually did not want the MC to sleep together. both men are living, breathing scars that cannot fix any of their lingering issues over night.
And they didn't.
I enjoyed not only the way these two processed their trauma with sharing but also the feelings that developed for each other. It was pure and sweet.
Epic? No.
But a wonderful realistic twist about two damaged souls finding their own version of happiness.
*hopeful sigh*
January 8, 2013
4.45*
First I have to say KZ Snow somehow manages to snag very interesting and beautiful covers for her books.
Second, she has a way of tackling very serious and dark subjects without them weighing the story down and making it dark, yet still treating the situation with finesse and respect.
Dare is working at the 'Sugar Bowl' as Pepper Jack and plays the clarinet in a polka band. Jonah is working as an insurance salesman.
They meet (again) at one of Dare's polka performances, but Dare doesn't remember their first meeting and when Jonah reminds him of it, it starts them on a path, I'm not sure if it's healing or not, but it leads them to a much better place.
The writing is as usual sweet without being sugary or sappy in anyway , somehow quiet and understated.
First I have to say KZ Snow somehow manages to snag very interesting and beautiful covers for her books.
Second, she has a way of tackling very serious and dark subjects without them weighing the story down and making it dark, yet still treating the situation with finesse and respect.
Dare is working at the 'Sugar Bowl' as Pepper Jack and plays the clarinet in a polka band. Jonah is working as an insurance salesman.
They meet (again) at one of Dare's polka performances, but Dare doesn't remember their first meeting and when Jonah reminds him of it, it starts them on a path, I'm not sure if it's healing or not, but it leads them to a much better place.
The writing is as usual sweet without being sugary or sappy in anyway , somehow quiet and understated.
November 13, 2025
✰ 3.5 stars ✰
It was strange how certain instances of trivial or mundane aspects were described with euphemisms that were far more advanced than the everyday vocabulary. It was only upon reading the About the Author which cited that the author is over-educated, did I let out an audible ah, it all makes sense now. 💡
I know, I'm weird.
This was an emotional read - every minute reading it, my heart ached for how twenty-six-year-old Dare and twenty-four-year-old Jonah, polite, doting-grandson, bonded over their shared trauma, how they're trying to move on from that painful past, which they felt would forever define them. 🥺 The ghost of their own personal Xylophone haunting their every existence, preventing them from making a meaningful connection with someone that feels honest and real and who kept the same secret. 🤧
The transition between the first-person narrative for their confessions was so chilling; as they unloaded their pain and shame from their predators, how they held one another to heal the anger and pain inside, reflect, understand and forgive. 🫂 I felt it - it in my heart. A raw honesty that was more than just Jonah being an anomaly and dare being a tad horny. It was more than just Daren Webster Boothe aka Dare, gender-defying performer at the Sugar Bowl, and Clarinetist Ordinaire of Bouncin’ Bob’s Polka Doodles.
“I treasure you. And this opportunity to let my senses delight in you.”
It was both of them reaching out for one another to forgive themselves, not entirely forget but to forgive themselves. I didn’t do anything wrong. Something wrong was done to me. For someone who has also walked down that dark lonely path and found a way back into the light - searching for one who has felt that unspeakable loss of innocence. I was swept away by their aching vulnerability, plus their chemistry. 🥲
Their level of intimacy was curiosity and desire - yearning and passion, tinged with a hesitancy of taking too much for granted. True joy no longer seemed quite so elusive. Jonah's doubts, Dare's daring, but still meeting at a point where they felt comfortable and safe in the softness of a caring and gentle embrace or a moving dance that stirred all the contentment forgotten and never found. ❤️🩹❤️🩹 I liked how Dare never was ashamed of his job or his sexuality, how Jonah saw the error of his thoughts, and even during Jonah's own breakdown, Dare was there to lift him up.
“Fascination turned to love was the last line.”
Some of the spark, however, faded towards the end when it veered into too much syrup for me to swallow; mainly because I wanted more development to their relationship status. 🤷🏻♀️ The balance between the romance and angst was too short-lived, and how it rushed into happy hour did not allow me enough time to savor their healthy relationship growth. I also struggled with Dare's family, but his Polka family was wonderful. The comfort and support they offered the two of them, the little joys in giving the two of them was enough to brighten their hearts and my day for a read that was satisfying, even with its flaws. 🤍
“I was attracted to you. And tonight I realized something that rattled me even more. You really fuckin’ turn me on, Dare. And it scares the hell out of me.”
It was strange how certain instances of trivial or mundane aspects were described with euphemisms that were far more advanced than the everyday vocabulary. It was only upon reading the About the Author which cited that the author is over-educated, did I let out an audible ah, it all makes sense now. 💡
I know, I'm weird.
This was an emotional read - every minute reading it, my heart ached for how twenty-six-year-old Dare and twenty-four-year-old Jonah, polite, doting-grandson, bonded over their shared trauma, how they're trying to move on from that painful past, which they felt would forever define them. 🥺 The ghost of their own personal Xylophone haunting their every existence, preventing them from making a meaningful connection with someone that feels honest and real and who kept the same secret. 🤧
The transition between the first-person narrative for their confessions was so chilling; as they unloaded their pain and shame from their predators, how they held one another to heal the anger and pain inside, reflect, understand and forgive. 🫂 I felt it - it in my heart. A raw honesty that was more than just Jonah being an anomaly and dare being a tad horny. It was more than just Daren Webster Boothe aka Dare, gender-defying performer at the Sugar Bowl, and Clarinetist Ordinaire of Bouncin’ Bob’s Polka Doodles.
“I treasure you. And this opportunity to let my senses delight in you.”
It was both of them reaching out for one another to forgive themselves, not entirely forget but to forgive themselves. I didn’t do anything wrong. Something wrong was done to me. For someone who has also walked down that dark lonely path and found a way back into the light - searching for one who has felt that unspeakable loss of innocence. I was swept away by their aching vulnerability, plus their chemistry. 🥲
Their level of intimacy was curiosity and desire - yearning and passion, tinged with a hesitancy of taking too much for granted. True joy no longer seemed quite so elusive. Jonah's doubts, Dare's daring, but still meeting at a point where they felt comfortable and safe in the softness of a caring and gentle embrace or a moving dance that stirred all the contentment forgotten and never found. ❤️🩹❤️🩹 I liked how Dare never was ashamed of his job or his sexuality, how Jonah saw the error of his thoughts, and even during Jonah's own breakdown, Dare was there to lift him up.
“Fascination turned to love was the last line.”
Some of the spark, however, faded towards the end when it veered into too much syrup for me to swallow; mainly because I wanted more development to their relationship status. 🤷🏻♀️ The balance between the romance and angst was too short-lived, and how it rushed into happy hour did not allow me enough time to savor their healthy relationship growth. I also struggled with Dare's family, but his Polka family was wonderful. The comfort and support they offered the two of them, the little joys in giving the two of them was enough to brighten their hearts and my day for a read that was satisfying, even with its flaws. 🤍
January 4, 2013
Before I begin my review of this book, I need to say something about myself. When it comes to literature, I am an emotional reader, an emotional writer, and an emotional critic. The books I choose to read are those that I think will give me a certain feeling. If a book moves me emotionally, I generally regard it as being a powerful read, a good book. When I am writing, I evaluate my own work on the basis of how gripping and emotionally moving it is. When I am looking for books to buy, I choose those whose blurbs touch me in some way.
I think it is this characteristic of myself that explains why I'm such a huge fan of K.Z. Snow.
Only a few times when reading or watching a movie have I experienced such an emotional roller coaster as I did with this book. This experience led me through an even rarer phenomena that was quite riveting. Laughter through tears.
At one point in the book, a very intense scene where I was gasping, tears streaming down my cheeks, the mood shifted, and a character was so hilarious that I then burst into laughter. Bawling and laughing my ass off simultaneously, I could barely continue!
Oh my God, there is so much I could say about this story. (And as much as I love KZ and this story, unfortunately not all of it is positive.) Overall, though, it is an amazing story that tackles a HUGE topic.
I loved the central characters, and I love that they were presented so realistically. I loved that neither of them was snarky or mean like so many popular authors are casting their characters these days. I loved that their romance was gradual. I loved the secondary characters. My favorite character in the book was neither of the MCs. It was "Bob". He cracked me the hell up every time he opened his fat mouth.
On the negative side, there was a lot about child sexual abuse that was NOT said. I understand this. I know you cannot deal with everything in one book. But there was nothing about the terror, the shock that a victim goes through where they leave their conscious self and hide in a safe mental place. There was nothing about the physical pain. There was very little about the repression of memories.
Maybe I should be glad that the author did not include all of these elements. Honestly, I AM glad. This book is important. It is truthful, but it is not the be-all and end-all when it comes to abuse. I doubt the author intended it to be though.
Thank you for this story. Thank you so much.
I think it is this characteristic of myself that explains why I'm such a huge fan of K.Z. Snow.
Only a few times when reading or watching a movie have I experienced such an emotional roller coaster as I did with this book. This experience led me through an even rarer phenomena that was quite riveting. Laughter through tears.
At one point in the book, a very intense scene where I was gasping, tears streaming down my cheeks, the mood shifted, and a character was so hilarious that I then burst into laughter. Bawling and laughing my ass off simultaneously, I could barely continue!
Oh my God, there is so much I could say about this story. (And as much as I love KZ and this story, unfortunately not all of it is positive.) Overall, though, it is an amazing story that tackles a HUGE topic.
I loved the central characters, and I love that they were presented so realistically. I loved that neither of them was snarky or mean like so many popular authors are casting their characters these days. I loved that their romance was gradual. I loved the secondary characters. My favorite character in the book was neither of the MCs. It was "Bob". He cracked me the hell up every time he opened his fat mouth.
On the negative side, there was a lot about child sexual abuse that was NOT said. I understand this. I know you cannot deal with everything in one book. But there was nothing about the terror, the shock that a victim goes through where they leave their conscious self and hide in a safe mental place. There was nothing about the physical pain. There was very little about the repression of memories.
Maybe I should be glad that the author did not include all of these elements. Honestly, I AM glad. This book is important. It is truthful, but it is not the be-all and end-all when it comes to abuse. I doubt the author intended it to be though.
Thank you for this story. Thank you so much.
December 14, 2012
This book is my favorite by K.Z. Snow so far and I loved the other books I've read from her. The writing was just beautiful, well crafted. When I started this book, I wasn't sure how it would turned out when Dare and Jonah turned to each other to heal their wounds. I was impressed with how she handled the abuse the MCs suffered was just right without being too much or unnecessary angsty. At the same time, it wasn't all dreary. There were a lot of funny moments between the MCs and secondary characters. I love the polka band. Overall this is a very thoughtful and well written story. Highly recommended!
February 15, 2013
Dare and Jonah are both in their twenties, and both still recovering from the aftereffects of being sexually abused in their early teens. When they meet and recognize each other from a passing moment in a therapist's office, they also recognize kindred spirits. They want to help each other heal, but each of them secretly hopes for more.
Childhood abuse is always a tough topic to include in a novel, especially a romance novel, if you're going to treat it with more respect than just a generic angsty background event. It's a delicate dance to show how much that experience can affect the survivor in a myriad of ways, and yet convey enough healing and hope to have a romance that seems more than co-dependency. KZ Snow does a very good job with this novel.
This is a short book, and so there is perforce a little less depth to it. It is more about finding love and recovery than about the past trauma. And there was one aspect which allowed the author to make this a much quicker, cleaner story, but which took some of the most difficult parts of recovering from childhood abuse off the table. However there is still plenty of pain to go around. Their relationship is sweet, and the healing is helped by sharing experiences. In the process, the author offers comfort and commonality for abuse survivors in a way that manages to feel almost natural and not preachy. it's well done.
There is one scene of explicit sex. I imagine the author thought about that quite a bit, because this is definitely a book I could see giving to a teenager, especially one I thought might have some personal interest. Buried in a stack of other books perhaps, but lurking to provide explanation, exoneration, comfort and fellowship. In a way, that sweet explicit sex is good. It says, "You are not spoiled for life. You will enjoy sex again. It will be this good. It will feel natural." At the same time, the level of description could give me a little pause in suggesting a younger teen read this. Always a judgment call in books that could be YA.
This book managed to avoid wallowing in angst. There were some funny moments, especially with the polka band. The range of characters, from a wonderful grandmother to a supercilious gay brother, was interesting. And the HFN was sweet.
Childhood abuse is always a tough topic to include in a novel, especially a romance novel, if you're going to treat it with more respect than just a generic angsty background event. It's a delicate dance to show how much that experience can affect the survivor in a myriad of ways, and yet convey enough healing and hope to have a romance that seems more than co-dependency. KZ Snow does a very good job with this novel.
This is a short book, and so there is perforce a little less depth to it. It is more about finding love and recovery than about the past trauma. And there was one aspect which allowed the author to make this a much quicker, cleaner story, but which took some of the most difficult parts of recovering from childhood abuse off the table. However there is still plenty of pain to go around. Their relationship is sweet, and the healing is helped by sharing experiences. In the process, the author offers comfort and commonality for abuse survivors in a way that manages to feel almost natural and not preachy. it's well done.
There is one scene of explicit sex. I imagine the author thought about that quite a bit, because this is definitely a book I could see giving to a teenager, especially one I thought might have some personal interest. Buried in a stack of other books perhaps, but lurking to provide explanation, exoneration, comfort and fellowship. In a way, that sweet explicit sex is good. It says, "You are not spoiled for life. You will enjoy sex again. It will be this good. It will feel natural." At the same time, the level of description could give me a little pause in suggesting a younger teen read this. Always a judgment call in books that could be YA.
This book managed to avoid wallowing in angst. There were some funny moments, especially with the polka band. The range of characters, from a wonderful grandmother to a supercilious gay brother, was interesting. And the HFN was sweet.
March 20, 2014
Can you heal from abuse or does it always temper your life, your choices? This is a richly woven story about just that.
Dare's persona is as an androgynous dancer. Jonah leads a conservative life with his grandmother. Both have chosen different paths to deal with their painful memories. Dare joins a polka band that is playing the night Jonah takes his grandmother to dance. Dare cannot take his eyes off of Jonah, who realizes they have met several years before. Their past becomes the magnate that draws them together.
This is a beautiful, loving story that shows Dare and Jonah the power of together. It shows that hope, trust, and love can bloom even under the worse circumstances. I give it a "Fascination" waltz of stars.
"It was fascination
I know
And it might have ended
Right then, at the start
Just a passing glance
Just a brief romance
And I might have gone
On my way
Empty hearted
It was fascination
I know
Seeing you alone
With the moonlight above
Then I touch your hand
And next moment
I kiss you
Fascination turned to love"
Nat King Cole version http://youtu.be/UGiB1myCCOU
Dare's persona is as an androgynous dancer. Jonah leads a conservative life with his grandmother. Both have chosen different paths to deal with their painful memories. Dare joins a polka band that is playing the night Jonah takes his grandmother to dance. Dare cannot take his eyes off of Jonah, who realizes they have met several years before. Their past becomes the magnate that draws them together.
This is a beautiful, loving story that shows Dare and Jonah the power of together. It shows that hope, trust, and love can bloom even under the worse circumstances. I give it a "Fascination" waltz of stars.
"It was fascination
I know
And it might have ended
Right then, at the start
Just a passing glance
Just a brief romance
And I might have gone
On my way
Empty hearted
It was fascination
I know
Seeing you alone
With the moonlight above
Then I touch your hand
And next moment
I kiss you
Fascination turned to love"
Nat King Cole version http://youtu.be/UGiB1myCCOU
October 25, 2013
3.5 stars
KZ Snow is an automatic-buy author for me, she’s up there on the ‘most books read’ shelf with some great storytelling. I approached this book with some trepidation, though, because of the subject. The topic of sexual abuse is a dark path to go down and it takes a certain mind-set for me to walk down it.
First of all, kudos to the author for taking a tricky subject and treating it with care and understanding in these two characters. Daren and Jonah both carry the scars of past child hood abuse well into their twenties. They’ve never really undergone professional counseling for it, either. When they meet, there is a mutual physical attraction and they share a love of dance and music, but it is their shared background with the abuse that really draws them together. They walk through their history of abuse and find some solace in each other and they build a rapport based on it.
The author also integrates another important issue of how Daren is processing who he is sexually. Offsetting his day job as a musician in a polka band-- how could you get more wholesome than that?-- is his night job in a sleazy dive club. The author nicely includes an exploration of gender-fluidity into the story. Daren has re-invented himself as the androgynous Pepper Jack, sensual, self assured, and sexually provocative. He can wrap his audience around his finger while maintaining a chilly distance. But, he has shame too. Has the sexual abuse caused a need in him for self debasement, or is it a nose-thumbing at it?
The romance aspect of the story doesn’t quite work for me. I’m far more interested in Daren and his issues (one being his obsession with physical appearance) than in Daren and Jonah as a couple. Daren is better drawn and more fully realized, while Jonah remains more of a sketch to me. And far too often, the author’s voice intrudes in the delicate balance between the two guys. It feels as though we see Daren and Jonah through a third party rather than through their eyes. So I feel removed from them as a couple and it made it difficult to connect with the characters as much as I would have liked. I admire their fight towards ‘normalcy’ with each other but I didn’t feel like I could ‘get under their skin’ enough.
It’s difficult not to give this a more enthusiastic endorsement. The subject is an important one and the writing, if flowery at times, has moments of real inspiration.
As a character study of Daren, this was a good read. As a romance, it missed the mark for me; not one of my favorites from this author.
December 29, 2012
K.Z. Snow is one of my favorite authors, and such an artist. Her (?) prose is so beautiful without being pretentious or overdone. She delicately handles a very uncomfortable subject without exploiting it for shock value, which I hate. The abuse in the characters' pasts is sufficiently horrific while being respectfully handled. It just amazes me how the right small detail used at the right moment can evoke so much. Certain small details just made me shiver, sometimes with revulsion and sometimes with happiness. Its almost like reading poetry in how distilled everything is, every word is significant. Like real life, the story doesn't get mired down by the past trauma, there is also humor, contentment, beauty, and especially hope. I loved the resilient but fragile smart-ass and sexy character of Dare. I loved the old men in the polka band. I'm so glad everything progressed realistically and the conflict was old and internal instead of being exploited. Not every author can create so much interest and emotional investment in the characters in so quiet of a story. Nothing over the top here, just two emotionally injured men trying to find a way through life together, and its beautiful.
If I have one small criticism, its how neatly and quickly everything wraps up in the end. But it wasn't so bothersome because I felt like the characters were still growing at the end, like they still had some stuff to work out but could do it with each other's support. I still would have liked to see a little more of how they came to understand each other and work past their issues on camera.
K.Z. Snow is one author who never lets me down, and this is no exception.
If I have one small criticism, its how neatly and quickly everything wraps up in the end. But it wasn't so bothersome because I felt like the characters were still growing at the end, like they still had some stuff to work out but could do it with each other's support. I still would have liked to see a little more of how they came to understand each other and work past their issues on camera.
K.Z. Snow is one author who never lets me down, and this is no exception.
December 14, 2012
Unimaginably beautiful. I find I am leery of abuse stories. Any kind of abuse. I can get ridiculous with anger that stays with me too long. One of my maxims: "be kind to babies, be kind to animals, be kind to yourself." I just have a hard time with abuse if any kind.
I wasn't sure what made me read this story honestly. I just read the blurb and I just fell in.
This story falls under 'be kind to yourself.' And it was wonderfully painful and uplifting, and it was kind.
The abuse won't stay with me after reading this story but the kindness will and for that I am supremely grateful to K.Z. Snow.
If I could give a rating with extra stars, this story for me, would be worth them.
I wasn't sure what made me read this story honestly. I just read the blurb and I just fell in.
This story falls under 'be kind to yourself.' And it was wonderfully painful and uplifting, and it was kind.
The abuse won't stay with me after reading this story but the kindness will and for that I am supremely grateful to K.Z. Snow.
If I could give a rating with extra stars, this story for me, would be worth them.
May 28, 2013
I liked this book. It wasn't the best book in the world, and maybe it was just me but I couldn't get into the book as well as others I've read. 3.5 stars because I liked the read. I can't really give anymore.
December 23, 2012
I admit to being nervous about reading a story where the main characters are actively dealing with past abuse issues.
However after reading the synopsis and a brief sample off Amazon I was pulled in, so I read on cautiously.
I am glad that I did as I found Xylophone was a treasure to read. While there were touching moments in this story, I do not feel it was an over emotional read.
While the story does covers the abuse issues, it does so without focusing on the 'acts of abuse' but rather on the lasting after affects of abuse on the Main characters, their relationships, self identity and how the survivors move forward.
But it was not a heavy hand approach, more like this (issue) is here, this is what happened, this is where they are at now, and this is how they progress through the story.
The subject gently and tactfully expressing the characters feelings without over expressing their individual trauma.
The bulk of the story is about our main character Daren (Dare) as he struggles to find his place in life, develop bonds of friendship, redefine his family, and find love.
I felt touch by the friendship and slow build up of the romance with the two MC's.
I wasn't sure how the erotic scenes would be played out but found them to be appropriate for the characters relationship (at the time in the story line) and filled with emotional and physical passion.
I have to say I cried a bit at the end. (Happy Tears)
I full-heartedly recommend this book to Adult MM Romance readers, Yet advise that there is adult content.
However after reading the synopsis and a brief sample off Amazon I was pulled in, so I read on cautiously.
I am glad that I did as I found Xylophone was a treasure to read. While there were touching moments in this story, I do not feel it was an over emotional read.
While the story does covers the abuse issues, it does so without focusing on the 'acts of abuse' but rather on the lasting after affects of abuse on the Main characters, their relationships, self identity and how the survivors move forward.
But it was not a heavy hand approach, more like this (issue) is here, this is what happened, this is where they are at now, and this is how they progress through the story.
The subject gently and tactfully expressing the characters feelings without over expressing their individual trauma.
The bulk of the story is about our main character Daren (Dare) as he struggles to find his place in life, develop bonds of friendship, redefine his family, and find love.
I felt touch by the friendship and slow build up of the romance with the two MC's.
I wasn't sure how the erotic scenes would be played out but found them to be appropriate for the characters relationship (at the time in the story line) and filled with emotional and physical passion.
I have to say I cried a bit at the end. (Happy Tears)
I full-heartedly recommend this book to Adult MM Romance readers, Yet advise that there is adult content.
January 29, 2015
This is the my second read by KZ Snow, and again, I am left underwhelmed while reading about horrible, tramautic, unimaginable events and their after effects. I know it should be squeezing my heart--and I want it to--but with both this book and
I just didn't feel the emotional gravity and devastation that I was expecting and hoping for. I went through them both, got to their respective ends and thought, well that was a good story...but that's it?
I don't know why it is, but that's how it is, and sadly I just didn't really connect to either book. I'll keep trying since a couple of Snow's other books look good, though.
I just didn't feel the emotional gravity and devastation that I was expecting and hoping for. I went through them both, got to their respective ends and thought, well that was a good story...but that's it?I don't know why it is, but that's how it is, and sadly I just didn't really connect to either book. I'll keep trying since a couple of Snow's other books look good, though.
February 1, 2024
Phew, finally!
I have this mental block about books with musician MCs. I don't know why, I just do. If not for a certain challenge, I would've never gotten around to read this book, which actually frustrates me, no seriously. I wanted to read a short book with two characters recovering from abuse and helping each other. This one was the perfect fit, and reading the reviews, I really wanted to read it. Then when it was picked for that challenge, I chickened out and had the strong urge to ask for a re-pick but held myself back. Then when it was picked for yet another one, I was like, "time to pull my big girl panties and read it," and you can't believe how glad I am that I did.
Up to chapter three, it was kinda hard to get through. After that, it was really good. My mental block crumbled to dust, couldn't put it down until I finished it. They were super adorable and gave me butterflies. The brother, Carver, was an unbearable jerk. Totally an ass and an ugly one at that. So immature. I admired Dare for being such a forgiving person. He would attempt to talk to his brother time and time again. I don't know if I would have it in me to do the same if I was put in Dare's shoes.
And last but not least, how they dealt with their pasts, which was the main reason I picked up this book, was so good. How they gave it time, how they shared their pasts, mending each other's wounds, and helping the other face his demons. Acknowledging what they went through, accommodating and trying to manage it. Perfect
I have this mental block about books with musician MCs. I don't know why, I just do. If not for a certain challenge, I would've never gotten around to read this book, which actually frustrates me, no seriously. I wanted to read a short book with two characters recovering from abuse and helping each other. This one was the perfect fit, and reading the reviews, I really wanted to read it. Then when it was picked for that challenge, I chickened out and had the strong urge to ask for a re-pick but held myself back. Then when it was picked for yet another one, I was like, "time to pull my big girl panties and read it," and you can't believe how glad I am that I did.
Up to chapter three, it was kinda hard to get through. After that, it was really good. My mental block crumbled to dust, couldn't put it down until I finished it. They were super adorable and gave me butterflies. The brother, Carver, was an unbearable jerk. Totally an ass and an ugly one at that. So immature. I admired Dare for being such a forgiving person. He would attempt to talk to his brother time and time again. I don't know if I would have it in me to do the same if I was put in Dare's shoes.
And last but not least, how they dealt with their pasts, which was the main reason I picked up this book, was so good. How they gave it time, how they shared their pasts, mending each other's wounds, and helping the other face his demons. Acknowledging what they went through, accommodating and trying to manage it. Perfect
“He worked on your mind until you thought you needed him, maybe even loved him. Part of you believed he understood you better than anyone else—understood your loneliness and frustrations and fears—and still wanted you, in spite of all your shortcomings.”
"Caring is the greatest healer. But ” —and here she’d raised a crooked, cautionary forefinger— “only if it’s patient and knows its limitations. Give yourselves time, and don’t be ashamed to look beyond each other for help.”
did-not-finish
August 24, 2023DNF @ 5%
I don't know if it's me or the book, and I frankly don't care. In fact, the reason I quit reading was the overwhelming sense of "I just don't fucking care" seeping into my brain as I kept reading more and more descriptions of unimportant details.
I don't care if a fake fingernail popping off looks like a tiny sail flung to the sun. I don't care how Dare manages to keep his hair colour coordinated (wash-out dye, duh, that could have been said in less than a run-on sentence). I don't need four paragraphs to accomplish what one could convey with regards to Pepper Jack's preference for appearing androgynous. And I especially could not care less about the slew of characters being introduced rapid-fire, many with two names to keep track of.
Normally, I'm not this bitchy or picky when it comes to extraneous details, so I can't tell if there's something about the writing style annoying me or I'm just in a crappy mood. Either way, given the subject matter of the story delves into very heavy territory, I'm not willing to fight through the distaste just to see what happens. Maybe if it were fluffy, I'd take the chance, but nah.
I don't know if it's me or the book, and I frankly don't care. In fact, the reason I quit reading was the overwhelming sense of "I just don't fucking care" seeping into my brain as I kept reading more and more descriptions of unimportant details.
I don't care if a fake fingernail popping off looks like a tiny sail flung to the sun. I don't care how Dare manages to keep his hair colour coordinated (wash-out dye, duh, that could have been said in less than a run-on sentence). I don't need four paragraphs to accomplish what one could convey with regards to Pepper Jack's preference for appearing androgynous. And I especially could not care less about the slew of characters being introduced rapid-fire, many with two names to keep track of.
Normally, I'm not this bitchy or picky when it comes to extraneous details, so I can't tell if there's something about the writing style annoying me or I'm just in a crappy mood. Either way, given the subject matter of the story delves into very heavy territory, I'm not willing to fight through the distaste just to see what happens. Maybe if it were fluffy, I'd take the chance, but nah.
January 28, 2013
I've been avoiding this book for awhile due to the mention of child abuse in the plotline, but I'm glad the need for a "X" in a current reading challenge made me get to it.
The first thing to say about this book, and K.Z. Snow, is that the writing is just on another level than what is normally encountered in the m/m romance genre. K.Z.'s wording and description are of literary quality. I read the first sex scene over a few times just marveling at how unique and beautifully worded it was-- having read dozens of such scenes in other books, the way the author made this one completely fresh and stunning without resorting to pornographic descriptions was really impressive.
The plot does involve two young men who both had abuse in their past, but I never felt the author was just beating the characters over the head with pain as I've felt with some books, and the angst was never too much. There were plenty of lighter moments in the book. I loved the descriptions of Bob and the polka band and the drag queens at Sugar Bowl.
Highly recommended.
The first thing to say about this book, and K.Z. Snow, is that the writing is just on another level than what is normally encountered in the m/m romance genre. K.Z.'s wording and description are of literary quality. I read the first sex scene over a few times just marveling at how unique and beautifully worded it was-- having read dozens of such scenes in other books, the way the author made this one completely fresh and stunning without resorting to pornographic descriptions was really impressive.
The plot does involve two young men who both had abuse in their past, but I never felt the author was just beating the characters over the head with pain as I've felt with some books, and the angst was never too much. There were plenty of lighter moments in the book. I loved the descriptions of Bob and the polka band and the drag queens at Sugar Bowl.
Highly recommended.
August 19, 2014
This story is certainly a romance, and a satisfying one at that, but it also deals with the very weighty subject of the sexual abuse of young boys 15 and under. With a subject like that, I might normally run the other way, but this was KZ Snow, so I gave it a try. The difficult subject matter was handled so delicately that I had no trouble dealing with it other than to be incensed that it happened at all.
Both Jonah and Dare find the help they have needed to get past the trauma in each other. I really liked how the author handled their recovery and path to finding love and acceptance. Really, really, enjoyed it!
Both Jonah and Dare find the help they have needed to get past the trauma in each other. I really liked how the author handled their recovery and path to finding love and acceptance. Really, really, enjoyed it!
January 8, 2013
Although this wasn't my favorite book of hers, it still was a very good read. Both guys, Dare and Jonah, have lived through terrible experiences that still haunt them. Their accidental meeting is the beginning of their road together to a better place. Starting out as finding someone to talk about the past, it soon developed further.
October 6, 2013
I'm in the minority on this one. Unfortunately, there were just too many things that didn't work for me. I just couldn't connect with the characters.
June 27, 2015
This is a beautiful story between two survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and the damage it caused in their adult life.
Dare hides behind his androgynous persona, Pepper Jack, in a adult entertainment bar, while trying to suppress the memories of his time with the perpetrator of his abuse.
Jonah wants to release his demons, and recognising Dare from a short meeting at a therapists office three years prior, he requests to meet and discuss their ordeal, in the hopes of healing some of his tortured past.
I loved the way these two slowly built their relationship, and the self reflection that was triggered by remarks or revelations. I liked the flash back style into their abuse. It wasn't too much, but enough to set the story, and bring on the healing words they needed.
I was especially impressed that there was no quick fix, no diving headfirst, that triggers were considered, and time was taken to get them to each point.
A very well thought out story, untangling the past, releasing some, and knowing that their healing journey was far from over. The first steps in reclaiming themselves, and finding some sense of happiness while they navigated the first stages of a fragile but strengthening relationship.
Dare hides behind his androgynous persona, Pepper Jack, in a adult entertainment bar, while trying to suppress the memories of his time with the perpetrator of his abuse.
Jonah wants to release his demons, and recognising Dare from a short meeting at a therapists office three years prior, he requests to meet and discuss their ordeal, in the hopes of healing some of his tortured past.
I loved the way these two slowly built their relationship, and the self reflection that was triggered by remarks or revelations. I liked the flash back style into their abuse. It wasn't too much, but enough to set the story, and bring on the healing words they needed.
I was especially impressed that there was no quick fix, no diving headfirst, that triggers were considered, and time was taken to get them to each point.
A very well thought out story, untangling the past, releasing some, and knowing that their healing journey was far from over. The first steps in reclaiming themselves, and finding some sense of happiness while they navigated the first stages of a fragile but strengthening relationship.
March 1, 2014
Jonah and Dare are both damaged and coping in their own way. They reconnect and find coping together is better. I had no idea what either's secret was before I started reading (I hadn't read any reviews and there was no warning on the title) so be forewarned there is child sexual abuse discussed, thankfully not in horrific detail. But what isn't said is easily inferred.
It is the re telling of the abuse that got to me. It wasn't graphic but you could feel the shame felt by both men, the fear and hatred they kept bottled up.
I liked that these two were able to help heal each other but that sex wasn't used as a "cure"
I liked that the supporting cast helped keep this book light with out being frivolous or dismissive.
I will have to check out more by this author!
It is the re telling of the abuse that got to me. It wasn't graphic but you could feel the shame felt by both men, the fear and hatred they kept bottled up.
I liked that these two were able to help heal each other but that sex wasn't used as a "cure"
I liked that the supporting cast helped keep this book light with out being frivolous or dismissive.
I will have to check out more by this author!
November 15, 2013
Two men who've had their lives turned upside down by pedophile abuse are drawn together over their common issues and slowly begin to help each other to heal. I like the way the author handled the telling of their stories through limited flashbacks and emotionally healing and helpful discussion with each other. And I liked the fact that both men admitted eventually that they did need to seek further treatment and therapy and couldn't just rely on the healing they've found with each other.
Dare and Jonah are a great couple, one of my favorites, and I was left feeling very hopeful for their future both individually and together as a couple.
Dare and Jonah are a great couple, one of my favorites, and I was left feeling very hopeful for their future both individually and together as a couple.
October 3, 2013
KZ Snow is quickly becoming a favorite author of mine! I did not really know what I was expecting of this book when I first picked it up and maybe that was a good thing. The subject or topic of this book was a very painful and emotional thing to read about but despite that...the book was powerful or should I say empowering!
Dare & Jonah are survivors, they may not be completely over what has happened to them but they've come to realize that they don't have to try and get over it....they are learning to 'live' with it and they are doing it together.
Dare & Jonah are survivors, they may not be completely over what has happened to them but they've come to realize that they don't have to try and get over it....they are learning to 'live' with it and they are doing it together.
January 7, 2018
This was different in tone from the books that I typically read. It was darker than my usual fare, with recovery from abuse as a central theme. While it was inevitable that the storyline visit the origins of the abuse that plagued both Jonah and Dare, I appreciated the fact that the focus of the story remained on redemption through love and forgiveness...even for victims surviving abuse at the hands of a monster, the shame can be so overwhelming that they find it hardest to forgive themselves.
Beautiful and heartbreaking with an uplifting, sensual and gratifying conclusion.
Beautiful and heartbreaking with an uplifting, sensual and gratifying conclusion.
October 6, 2013
Heartbreaking but not full of angst. And so damned sweet. The flashbacks were hard to read but so powerful and the way the supported and helped each other was amazing. Loved GG and really kinda hated Dare's douche bag brother. What a tool. Not much sex but when it happened it was so sweet and moving. Loved this story!
March 28, 2013
I want to hunt like David, I want to kill me a giant man, I want to slay my demons, but I've got lots of them, I've got lots of them.
I've read this book and couldn't get that Noah Gundersen's song out of my mind. It fits perfectly.
Xylophone is a beautifully written book and I highly recommend it for everyone.
I've read this book and couldn't get that Noah Gundersen's song out of my mind. It fits perfectly.
Xylophone is a beautifully written book and I highly recommend it for everyone.
December 13, 2012
5*. That was as great as I thought it would be. Flawless writing. The topic of the story has a huge potential for lots of angst and drama, but here it is masterfully written.
Thank You for a beautiful story
Thank You for a beautiful story
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