Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall: How I Learned to Love My Body by Not Looking at It for a Year

by Kjerstin Gruys

A scholar, fashionista, and bride-to-be spends a year without mirrors to get a better view of herself, her life, and what’s really important. When Kjerstin Gruys became engaged to the love of her life, she was thrilled—until it came time to shop for a wedding dress. Having overcome an eating disorder years before, Gruys found herself struggling to maintain a positive self-image as her pending nuptials imposed a new set of impossible beauty standards. She decided to embark on a bold plan for boosting her self-esteem while refocusing her attention on the beautiful world around her.

A memoir of discovery, Mirror, Mirror, Off the Wall charts Gruys’ awakening as she vows to give up mirrors and other reflective surfaces, relying instead on her friends and her fiancé to help her gauge both her appearance and her outlook on life. The result? A renewed focus on what truly matters, regardless of smeared makeup, crooked eyebrows, or messy hair.  In the honest, witty, self-aware voice that has made her blog so popular, Gruys explores what it means to be a feminist in a society where femininity is subject to destructive ideals of beauty and sex appeal. Having worked in the fashion industry before becoming a sociologist, Gruys draws on her frontline expertise to explore the gender inequities created by society’s obsession with a flawless female body image.

Putting a human face on an important issue with humorous and poignant scenes from Gruys’ life, Mirror, Mirror, Off the Wall sparks important conversations about body image and reclaiming the power to redefine beauty.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Feminism, Health, Book Club, Autobiography

320 pages, Hardcover

First published May 2, 2013

Reviews

[Kjerstin Gruys · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, okay, I did write this book, so I am tooting my own horn here. Rather than tell you that my book is "perfect," which is impossible (hence, 4 stars, though I wish I could give it 4.5!), I'll just say that I wish I had read a book like this years ago. I'm proud of having lived the story, I'm proud of the research I did to situate it within a broader context for the book, and I truly think that any woman (or man!) who has dealt with poor body image will enjoy and learn from the book.

Anyway.... I've copied several pre-publication reviews below!

“Kjerstin Gruys writes with honesty, insight, and humor about her struggle to maintain sanity and self-confidence in a world where women are besieged with messages about the importance of beauty and image. Kjerstin’s story will speak to anyone who is seeking to make peace with what she sees in the mirror and discover her own inner beauty.”
—Peggy Orenstein, author of the New York Times bestseller Cinderella Ate My Daughter

“Kjerstin turns her thoughtful gaze to the complex nature of feminism and beauty in this gripping memoir. I couldn't put this book down—as I flipped through page after page, I found myself nodding along with Kjerstin's astute observations. It's high time we stop picking ourselves apart and start focusing on what really matters: something deep inside, beyond what any mirror can reflect.” —Caitlin Boyle, author of Operation Beautiful: Transforming the Way You See Yourself One Post-It Note at a Time

"Kjerstin nimbly deconstructs the internal struggle between the desire to accept ourselves and the desire to be accepted by others. Her story is an important reminder that what we see in the mirror is not just our reflection but a reflection of the society in which we live." —Golda Poretsky, author of Stop Dieting Now: 25 Reasons to Stop, 25 Ways To Heal

“Gruys is an engaging, empathetic, and insightful storyteller, and her story needs to be heard. In a world full of conflicting messages about women's beauty and worth, it can be difficult to trust our own feelings about our bodies. Her year-long experiment illustrates how unchecked self-scrutiny can aggravate existing body-image issues, and how mirrors often play multiple roles in a woman's interior life. The media machine instructs women to control and monitor appearance at all costs, but Gruys shows us that there is freedom in letting go.” —Sally McGraw, author of Already Pretty: Learning to Love Your Body By Learning to Dress it Well

“Mirror Mirror off the Wall is not just about Kjerstin Gruy's 365 day mirror-less odyssey. It's also about the psychological cataclysm that results when So-Cal bride meets feminist sociologist inside the mind and heart of the same person. Gruys grapples with the ubiquitous wedding ‘shoulds’ and puts her own body image advocacy to the ultimate test. She emerges with powerful lessons about trust, friendship, love, and being at peace with your own body.” —Cynthia Bulik, PhD, FAED, Director, University of North Carolina Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders

"Mirror, Mirror off the Wall is an engaging and entertaining read. Kjerstin Gruys strikes the perfect balance between much-needed social criticism and honest self-reflection. Gruys reminds us that in an image-obsessed society, something as small as looking in a mirror—or not—can be a political act." —Natalie Boero, Ph.D., author of Killer Fat: Media, Medicine, and Morals in the American Obesity Epidemic

“Would you have the courage to give up looking in the mirror for a year—including your wedding day? Kjerstin Gruys did, and in doing so, learned to question her assumptions about appearance, trust, feminism, and the wedding-industrial complex, all of which she shares in this thought-provoking and honest account of her year without mirrors.”
—Lynn Peril, author of Pink Think: Becoming a Woman in Many Uneasy Lessons

“The body issues, the issues about having body issues, the balancing act of genuine self-care: Kjerstin Gruys, quite simply, gets it. Glimpses of her interior life were articulated so honestly and with such precision that at times I felt like I was in her head—or, more accurately, that she was in mine, and that of every woman who has ever looked in the mirror and seen not how we look, but how we feel. Without offering an easy solution to the anything-but-easy body image concerns that plague so many women, this book functions as a model of possibilities of what might happen if we looked more critically at our body narratives.” —Autumn Whitefield-Madrano, founder and editor of The Beheld

"In Mirror, Mirror off the Wall, Kjerstin Gruys lets us in on a fascinating social experiment. Combining smart, insightful research on body image and the politics of appearance with deep honesty about her own personal struggles, Gruys is a great guide through the sometimes funny, sometimes treacherous waters of women and appearance. By describing her year of looking away from mirrors she helps us turn our attention toward deeper, more meaningful, and more enduring sources of beauty." —Lynne Gerber, author of Seeking the Straight and Narrow: Weight Loss and Sexual Reorientation in Evangelical America

“Through Gruys' thought-provoking storytelling, the cerebral reader and the lover of self-help books will find satisfaction in this unique memoir. For many years, I have personally witnessed women and girls being torn apart by our culture's desire for them to fit someone else's idea of ‘perfect.’ Kjerstin wrested herself from this peril and has lived to tell about her journey to the center of herself. Kjerstin lived in the gray areas of uncertainty as she uncovered important truths -- not just for herself, but for women living in mainstream society. Every woman -- of every age and background -- can learn something profoundly meaningful about herself from Kjerstin's desire to separate herself from appearance obsession.” —Jennifer Berger, executive director of About-Face

“Kjerstin Gruys holds a critical mirror up to weight prejudice, revealing how it distorts our lives and our society. Her year-long experiment and powerful insights point the way for people of all sizes to reject such distortions in favor of already-available fabulousness.” —Marilyn Wann, author of Fat!so?: Because You Don’t Have to Apologize for Your Size

“Kjerstin Gruys has written a frank, intimate and entertaining account of how she tried to overcome her body image insecurities by not looking at herself in a mirror for a year. Interspersing this personal account with insights from sociology and psychology research, Gruys shows how her own struggles are taking place within a broader social context, thereby holding up a mirror to contemporary American society. Highly recommended for anyone who has felt herself peering a bit too intently in the mirror.”—Abigail C. Saguy, author of What’s Wrong with Fat?

[Liaken · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I first heard about Gryus' project to avoid seeing her reflection in any way for a full year, I was intrigued and ordered the book from my library. The set up was interesting, seeing how she, as a recovered anorexic, was falling apart in trying to find a wedding dress (and getting four of them in her efforts to be the perfect bride), and reading the research about how over-focusing on appearance actually impedes brain function. But, well, ultimately, I felt like I kept waiting for the book to happen (this is a common problem with books written after blogs, I think).

There is a TON of detail in this book about where she went, who she went with, what happened, the clothes she bought, what she drank, what others drank, and so on ...

But there isn't really much detail about the true inner workings. She'll write something like, "This really struck me. I took the morning to journal about it for a few hours." And that's it. I would rather have read the journal entry than the chapter. The chapter was mostly filler, where I'm guessing the journal entry would have had some actual content, shown me the real thrust of how this was affecting her.

Also, I think she was nervous that she wouldn't have enough to write about, so she set herself up to have an over-abundance of experiences to keep herself busy. I mean, why else did she decide to do that extensive "how to be the perfect bride" list that pushes toward the whole "bridezilla" thing when what she said she wanted was to turn her focus AWAY from the insanity? Wasn't she was supposed to be trying to relax and learn to enjoy herself?

I found myself aghast at how she regularly went to have things done that she couldn't see or approve: the makeovers, the false eyelashes that she ended up pulling out along with most of her own real lashes, the hairdos, the extensive facial peel thing, the bleaching/neoning of her hair. I mean, what the hell was she thinking?? The only thing I can come up with is this: "Oh, this will give me something to write about for my experiment." Otherwise, I truly cannot account for her. It's like she didn't trust her project, so she had to push it over the edge.

She baffled me. I had the hardest time seeing her motivations as well as her personal drive toward pretty much anything, which kept the book on the surface. For this book to have had the impact it could have had, she would have needed to open up on a different level. Maybe if I could have seen how her insecurities were driving her toward these various ill-considered ideas, maybe then I would have been able to have some empathy.

I was hoping this book would give me some serious food for thought. But instead, mostly I got an over-detailed look into the author's daily life, but not into her experience, not into how she was truly changed by this project. Alas.

I admire her for doing her project and seeing it through to the end. I wish her editor had leaned her toward a deeper writing of the experience.

[Karin · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars rounded down to 2.

Kjerstin Gruys doesn't actually go without mirrors for a year, but makes the decision, plans how to do this, practices doing her makeup & hair with out a mirror, etc for a couple of months before doing this. A post-anorexic feminist & scholar, she was working on her Ph.D. & planning her wedding during this time. Much of the book deals with how she labours over her torn desires between society's expectations of looks & being healthy at all sizes as well as her relationship with her family, etc. During this year she also kept a blog about this, and although it's not mentioned until the info after, she had a book deal in the works the entire time. She also shares an eye-opening point that she was medically diagnosed with anorexia & her body suffering while technically at a healthy BMI; I thought she should take a lesson from Jenny Runk (size 14 model who is healthy) , because health at any size includes those naturally lean as much as those naturally voluptuous.

I expected to like this book a great deal more than I did. While I understand the conflicts women face daily, I also have a minor in women's studies & like most women have grappled with the hating my body or the way parts of it are shaped issue, etc. I found myself disagreeing with many of her stances, especially her decision to disagree with what is now called "choice feminism" (ie that any choice a woman makes of her free will of how to live her life is a good one, whether it be to have a career outside the home or not, etc). Having studied the history of feminism very closely, I can't agree, but, more importantly, here is a woman who was trying to break free of the "prison" of societal expectations of beauty who believes it right to place women in a different "prison" of only one acceptable feminist ideal of how women should lead their lives (ie a woman who chooses to stay home & raise her family over a career outside the home). Not that she sees it as a prison, but if it's telling women that choosing to stay home & raise your children is the wrong choice, she's done just that. It makes me wonder if she'll feel the same if and when she has children. She might, of course.

While I understand the concept of "health at every size," I thought it ironic, since she was obviously not healthy while anorexic (one size) and while she accurately points out that you can be healthy and "overweight," she completely ignores the high health risk when weight soars out of control. Better to say "any size is good where we're healthy," and she's right that that varies a great deal. I also agree that we need to love ourselves regardless of our shape (who has a perfect shape who hasn't had surgery and/or been photo-shopped???) or healthy size.

That said, I did learn a great deal reading this, and she has obviously done a great deal of research in many areas.

[AlwaysReading · Rating 3 out of 5]

I commend the author for putting herself out there and doing this project in the eyes of the media and the often cruel public. As a woman who is recovering from an eating disorder, who has had a poor body image, and who is learning to love my body, I was intrigued with her project. I would love to go without mirrors for the rest of my life. It's very personal to me. I plan to do so soon, but will do it quietly, without all the attention.

There are many things that the author did during her year without mirrors that I simply cannot relate to and I don't understand. I cannot judge her for it. As she wrote when she referred to her mother-in-law's choice to have plastic surgery: "Both of us had embarked on quest to make peace with our bodies, but we are taking different paths. Her confidence was built from self-knowledge, and her choices were shaped by you her unique history, values, and priorities."

[Anita · Rating 2 out of 5]

This painfully reads like a teenage girl's diary full of angst about her appearance and relationships. I kept waiting for it and her to mature (and only finished it for a book club discussion); thought the rambling writing was labored and unfocused. For a book supposedly about less navel-gazing, it demonstrated how completely self-absorbed the author is. Enough of the year-long experiment genre!

[Michael Ackermann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given a pre-print copy, and glad I picked it up. It was a really fun read that was LOL funny at times. This book really pulls it off: a great story , and an informative education that feels like it comes for free. Definitely a must read for any woman or anyone who spends time with one! Inspiring.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book based on a blog, so it reads like a bloggy memoir-y account. It also wears in studies and media to support and inform the story (similar to Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love style in my opinion). If you like her and the project, you'll probably enjoy the book. If your views differ vastly on the complex issues she takes up (feminism, relationship norms, the wedding industry, the impact of perceived attractiveness on societal acceptance) you may not.

While I didn't line up with Gruys all the time, I found the book more thoughtful than my judgy self expected from a neon pink cover and some early stories about shopping- apropos of the interesting examination of judgment within. I appreciated the openness of a very personal story (to include family tensions, breakdowns and intimate disagreements) of someone who tries to be both in fashion and one who struggled to constantly reject the negative impacts fashion sales can have. Overall, it reads quickly and adds interesting nuance to a tough conversation.

[Mira · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the academic side of this book and of Gruy's work with and advocacy for healthy body image and size acceptance. The personal narrative side I can appreciate for its lack of self-censorship regarding the author's own relationship to health and body image. But overall it was an emotional burden to me to be along for the ride as she navigates her body image discomfort and constant need for approval. I'm glad she made that journey, and I don't doubt there will be people for whom it can be either good entertainment or a useful roadmap, but I am not one of them.

As a physician, I also couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at how many times medications ("can't you just take a beta-blocker for that?" she queries her fiancée when he expresses concern about wedding day anxiety) or alcohol are cast as viable coping mechanisms for internal discomfort. At times it seems like Gruys is, however inadvertently, advocating for "two glasses of champagne" in lieu of her disordered eating behaviors she has given up.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immersion journalism mixed with memoir and sociological information about body image? Yes, please. This book was interesting and I love its positive message. I admit I wasn't riveted by the story of her wedding planning, but that's due to my dislike of wedding planning, not her writing. And her information about what weddings in American culture was interesting. I definitely recommend this book!

I forgot to mention that Gruys is donating 5% of the royalties to
About-Face, "a nonprofit organization that helps girls and women develop tools to combat harmful media messages" (her words). How awesome!

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Smart read - references a lot of studies and scientific research. Raises a lot of interesting points about women in society, feelings about body image, perception of beauty, validation, judgments, influence of the media. Got much more out of this book than I could have anticipated considering I grabbed it out of the giveaway bin in the office kitchen!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this!

[Alyssa Stager · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started to read this book in 2013/2014 and for some reason put it down. I was only 1/3 of the way done and I have no problem picking it up again. Since a very young age I’ve been interesting in psychology, sociology, and feminism. This book mends all three which I love.

My sophomore year of high school I used some stats in it for a research paper. The general theme was about society’s fault finding outlooks that exist in the modern self conscious women’s reflection of herself. I highlighted a lot of other quotes for the first 1/3 of the book that I liked. One of these is: “if I truly wanted thoughts about my looks to take up less space in my brain, I needed to find more interesting and worthy passions with which to fill it.”

The author is very real and I like how she touched on the fact that feminism is about choice and there’s nothing wrong with liking feminine things or rituals (not obsessions or habits). I always feel empowered when I feel like I look good and am using fashion as a creative outlet. & there ain’t nothin wrong with that!

However, it’s important to remember not to focus on our appearance too much. Since no one ever attains “perfection” and when they do it’s fleeting as the years go by. Like. Im legit gonna peak at 25 and will have laugh lines by then. But thats not gonna make me laugh any less. It really is all about how you perceive yourself. I, a white tall blonde woman, am not immune to feeling self conscious about myself. Even though that may be society’s idea of a good looking woman. I can’t imagine how a woman who is under represented feels. I could be too tall, too large, too pale but I still don’t give a fuck. No one will ever live up to the expectations that society sets.

I wouldn’t say it is a life changing book but it was one of my favorites this summer bc I like books that make you think. I would recommend also if you’ve made it this far in the review make sure to give me a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel thank you Allison and Jordan this one goes out to you

[Jillian · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book was interesting, and I appreciated Gruys bits of scientific research included. It begins to touch on the very complicated relationship between feminism, vanity, and the very patriarchal roots of the wedding ceremony and events leading up to it. And I think that I wanted an answer for how to mesh all of these things together, which isn't really fair to ask of someone. We all have varied experiences and figure it out in our own way. One thing that I didn't love is that I felt like sometimes Gruys' sarcastic comments about body image that were clearly just for laughs, could be a little more gently phrased. Because even if we're both in on the joke, terms that may have been used as critical comments in other contexts still sting.

[candide_in_ohio · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first issue I have with this book lies with the style. Even after you accept that you're reading a blog rather than a memoir, and stop expecting any sort of literature out of Gruys' extremely plain writing, you still cringe at the appallingly bad prose. I don't know if, being a PhD student, she was afraid of being too theoretical to be accessible to a wide audience, and made extra efforts to dumb everything down, but she definitely overdid it in that regard.
I almost gave up after a hundred pages, but then I decide to keep reading because I was curious about the project and its outcome. But that part was also a disappointment. It seems like Gruys' doesn't have a firm theoretical grasp of her own project and the decision to give up mirrors taken in isolation and without altering other aspects of her relationship with herself and the Beauty-industrial complex seems rather meaningless of arbitrary. Her choice to follow the Knot's "countdown to beautiful' list of crazy bridal aesthetic commandments seems ridiculous and incomprehensible in light of her decision to forgo mirrors in order to escape the 'bridezilla' cultural pressures. It almost looks as though she overcompensated for the frustration of being mirrorless by going overboard in other aspects of her beauty practices. Thus, the reader is taken through endless tales of eyebrow waxing, eyelash lenghtening, clothes shopping written with very minimal critical analysis and the author's oblivious conviction that these extremely boring stories are in fact thrilling and valuable. Gruys is definitely honest and wants to tell it all, but sometimes, we do not need to know that her kidney function is A-OK.
Finally, from a theoretical standpoint, the book remains rather superficial. She does bring in some valuable data from her readings, but she doesn't do much to analyze them in depth. Most importantly, she does not seem to truly grow or learn from her experience, as she seems to be just as torn by the conflicting demands of her ethics vs Mainstream culture at the end of the book as she is at the beginning. She is always on the brink of an epiphany, but never really reaches a point where she can make radical changes and truly adopt a different mindset/attitude. Up to the very last pages, I was hoping for a radical critique of the beauty-industrial complex, of heteronormativity and of patriarchal demands made on women's bodies that would result in her feeling truly liberated, but it never happens. She just comes to the bland, underwhelming, cliche conclusion that "i am beautiful because i feel beautiful' without questioning the very notion of Beauty and its implications with power and gender roles. Utterly disappointing.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. Kjerstin is confident, bold and quite funny. I laughed out loud and was constantly nodding my head an agreement as I flipped from page to page. The amount of research Kjerstin put into Mirror Mirror was just wonderful and I walked away with such a greater understanding of our culture and this relentless drive towards beauty.

I will admit that we're on very opposite ends of the political spectrum; however, that didn't keep me from reading (or wholeheartedly believing that these issues/concerns regarding vanity are true.) I appreciated her honesty and bravery in Mirror Mirror because it has really shifted and affected my perspective in regards to this false pressure I place on myself. I know things don't change over night but this book has really equipped me with some mental tools to fight these negative perceptions I have been dealing with for the last twelve months.

Again, I highly recommend Mirror Mirror to any woman that has ever struggled with body image or the pressures of living in such a beauty obsessed culture. Though I originally borrowed this book from the library, I can confidently say that I'll be adding it to my personal bookshelf! Well done Kjerstin!

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got as far as page 132...I just couldn't take any more detail of the mundane. I never expected it to have so little research and so much detail about shopping and other boring stuff. It was far too chatty and needed a strong edit to lower the amount of meaningless detail and instead boost the research, facts, and larger implications of this experiment. I hate to abandon a book but I was miserable. I relate to the dilemma of being self critical about body image, but I don't relate to people who get so excited about shopping or fashion or following magazines for tips when counting down to a wedding. I've never even been in some of the stores she frequents. I got this book from an academic catalog and let's just say it was described far differently than it turned out to be. If I'd seen the word fashionista in the catalog I would have steered clear.

[Tanya b · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderfully vulnerable memoir of a woman living life for one year without looking in mirrors. And can I add, it's during the year that she gets married! A lesson in detachment of the physical self while focusing on loving the inner self, Kjerstin candidly shares her ups and downs in a year of reflection and "no reflection" all the while moving from LA to SF, working on her doctorate degree, and planning a wedding.

An interesting, fun read AND I learned even more about body image, being healthy at any size, how our families can impact us and how we see ourselves, and how we can become saner by letting go of what we think of as approval/acceptance by others through "beauty."

[Bridget · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a whim when I saw it at the library, and I thought I remembered reading about the author online. This was a really interesting reflection on body-image. I was also pretty interested by her comments on feminism and "choice feminism". At times, the book felt a little repetitive, but I am a fiction reader mostly and often feel this way when I read non-fiction. Certainly an interesting read though, although I couldn't shake the feeling that Book Club Heather (BCH) was the author. I heard her voice the ENTIRE time I was reading it.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a person who doess't buy books very often (usually opting for the library route), after reading this i have made it clear that a portion of this months budget will definitely go towards a copy for myself! Gruys honesty made this an amazingly helpful and inspiring read for a person who is still on the search for her best self.

[Nat · Rating 3 out of 5]

The content is very good, lots of info about feminism and body image, but the writing is a little rough, as other reviewers have pointed out. I feel like a quarter of the word count could have been edited out.

[Addie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love the idea of this book, but the writing style really bothered me and I didn’t care after 20%. Did not finish.

[Nathalie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Gruys’ experiment in itself could be an antidote to the looks-obsessed society we live in, helping us to FEEL our bodies more, instead of just considering the body in terms of how “good” (or “bad”) it looks. I’m here for that.

In saying that, I found the book itself disappointing. Early on, introducing her experiment to some of her academic friends, Gruys comes to the conclusion that her project is ‘autoethnographic’, meaning that she’ll consider her own experience in a broader social, political and cultural light. This, unfortunately, never truly and fully materializes in the book. I wanted to scream when the author described picking up dozens of (fiction and non-fiction) books about the history of mirrors and the different meanings attributed to (looking at) one’s reflection, and then NOT TAKING US ON A DEEPDIVE INTO THE THINGS SHE LEARNED. Instead, we get sucked into endless anecdotes about, for instance, her numerous shopping sprees and the huge importance she attaches to make-up. All the while we’re made to work through sentences that are written in a CosmoGirl tone-of-voice and that all too often end with an exclamation mark. I’m definitely not here for that.

But the sentiment that stayed with me most of all, is that I just couldn’t understand why Gruys threw herself into all these “beautifying” and ED-triggering experiences, when all she wanted from the start was to free herself from vanity and her negative body image, and to find out what her true values are. To me, a lot of her choices felt confusing, triggering and just grazing the surface of what this topic/experiment potentially could offer.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a thought-provoking look at one woman's experience at trying to improve her body image by not looking at her body for a year. I wasn't sure that I would love this book at the outset: I have a very different outlook on beauty than the author, I have different struggles with body image, and many reviews I read in advance indicated that there was too much personal reflection at the expense of scientific exploration.

I walked away from this book having had all of my preconceptions challenged. While Kjerstin does not exemplify every woman in America, she tells her story in a relatable way that highlights the feelings that many woman experience, even if the root cause of said feelings varies. In addition, I thought she did an excellent job of providing personal detail and incorporating research. As a scientist and writer myself, I know firsthand how difficult it is to synthesize a broad area of research into its relevant core tenets, communicate these points in an easy-to-understand way, and seamlessly tie the scientific evidence into personal experience. While I'm not sure I'll be swearing off mirrors anytime soon, I'll still be thinking about this book for some time to come.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt like Gruys’ moral qualms were straight out of my own mind. I would love a how-to guide of applying all that she learned straight into my own life. This is the first book I have read about body-positivity and the sciences behind it and I am excited to dive into the field!

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book. I really liked it but lost some of my attention towards the end. Still, I learned from this book, and I'm really grateful for the lessons I learned.

[Manaar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bold, honest, interesting and entertaining.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually really liked this memoir about her year long intriguing challenge. I learned a lot from her story!

[Drew · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great idea, poor writing, missed opportunity.

[Em · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm posting the review of this book that I wrote on my blog. It's a little more personal in nature, but then I did feel like I personally connected with this book. If this isn't the type of review you like to read, I recommend that you read the review from my friend Rina.

When I was a senior in high school, my parents splurged and let my sister and I get our hair done at the salon for prom. This was a big deal because we never spent money on that type of stuff. Up-do's were in back then so that is what I got. After we got home, I spent some time admiring my snazzy new hair in the mirror. I felt really sophisticated and classy; that was until I turned to the side and saw that there was this one itty-bitty lock of hair at the nape of my neck had managed to escape all the hairspray and bobby pins holding everything up. For some reason the mirror somehow managed to magnify this lock of hair so that it looked like a giant rat tail to me - something that no girl wants on their prom night. Being the totally sane teen that I was (and by sane I mean anything but), I took a pair of scissors and cut that lock and a bunch of other hair at the nape of my neck off, leaving me with a mini neck buzz cut. As you can imagine, it wasn't a great look and the only way to fix it (and by fix I mean hide) was to take my hair down and use my mom's hot rollers to give it a little body (and by body I mean a football helmet made of hair). I still count this as one of my most bone-headed moments of all time, and frankly I feel that my hair still hasn't forgiven me for that. The point is that while most of the time we can take our reflections in the mirror for granted, we sometimes let them distort our reflections and cuase us to leave sanity behind.

Kjerstin Gruys found herself in a similar situation with a mirror about six months before her wedding. Daily try-ons of her wedding in front of her mirror ended up transforming it from the perfect wedding dress into the wedding dress from hell - prompting her to buy 3 other wedding dresses. While some people may call this buyers remorse, Kjerstin (a recovering anorexic) recognized that there was more to it than that. In an effort to regain control of her life, she decided to spend the next 12 months trying to live without looking at her reflection and blog about it.

In the end, she was able to turn her blog into the book Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall: How I Learned to Love My Body by Not Looking At It For a Year (this is the actual title). In addition to being a bride, Kjerstin was also a PhD student in Sociology at UCLA specializing in appearance and social equality when she undertook this project. This allowed her to combine the events recorded from her blog with current, relevant research. This did three things for me: 1.Helped me relate to her. Here is a body image expert who is struggling with her own body image issues just like I do. She can at least empathize with my problems (which I don't necessarily get that feeling from my doctor or gym trainers). Or put another way, I said to one of my college friends when describing the book, "I think we would have been friends with her if she had gone to school with us."
2.Give me tools to help me identify some of my problems. She fully admits along the way that she is trying to puzzle out a lot of things and that at the end she is still left with a lot of questions. While reading, I found myself asking myself the same questions.
3.Pointed me in the right direction to find my own answers. She is able to break down sociological issues into plain language as well as suggest places to look for answers.

This book covers a wide gamut of topics, including: today's Western bridal culture, psychology of marketing, how we define health, fostering female friendships, and trusting others. While I know that some people who have read the book preachy, I found it very informative. I will admit that I connected more with the part of the book that dealt with her life after her wedding as opposed to berfore (having never been a bride myself). Ultimately, I think this was a very good book for me to read and I would probably recommend it to people who may be dealing with body issues and their not sure where to start looking for information without feeling judgement.

[Rina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I honestly expected to hate this book. I was surprised by how much I didn't hate it. In the end, the book wasn't really my sort of thing, but I'm glad I read it anyway.

Here's a few things I learned:
1) What Justin Timberlake's song "Mirror" is actually talking about. No joke. Right before I started reading this book, I was complaining about calling his lady his mirror. WTF kind of romantic song/compliment is that? Apparently, a deep one. A person who you love and trust can show you the best in yourself and the best you can become. It's cheesy, but I like that there are people that give you a reflection of yourself and your potential.
2) I'm a choice feminist. I didn't know that was a thing, but its cool.
3) Literature reviews can be interesting. I didn't really care for large piles of research with an anecdotal aside as a book, but I did find many of the studies and theories Kjerstin presented to be fascinating.
4) How insecurities and disorders from teenage life can stick with people for a long time, continuing to be a struggle even when (from the outside) they should have it together.
5) I'm lucky to have people in my life that would give me honest feedback, not empty compliments or empty criticisms. They would do so because they love me and want me to be happy. They know when I need a pick-me-up and when they need to tell me something tough before I embarrass myself.

My main problem with the book was that I just didn't see a narrative. Sure, it followed her time without mirrors, but was just so research-heavy that it was hard to see the story. It felt more like a collection of lessons learned that make sense in the context of all this research.

The book felt all over the place at times with what she was seeking, her goals, and what she learned. However, I actually find little fault with that because it was an honest description of what was going on with her. I think she only knew that she was struggling with how she felt about herself when she looked in the mirror and the pressures of a wedding only make it worse. She took mirrors out of the equation and let herself be guided by how she felt and tried to be guided by the people she trusted. She tried other things along the way, questioned her values and how she acted on them, and challenged herself from time to time.

Yes, there were plenty of cheesy moments in this. But, based on who she is, what her challenges were, and the causes that were important to her, it made sense for her. Once I realized that this story was about what she needed to go through and not a good guide for someone else or a story in the traditional sense of a narrative, I could appreciate it.

I thought the author was a great write with a good, conversational tone. It was easy to read, even with all the academic stuff. The content just made it easy to get distracted. I think I may have enjoyed this more as a blog. I'd love to read a story about Sherri (Sherry?) with only 5% of the academic stuff that was in this. She sounded so interesting and like she'd lived a lot of life. Maybe for Kjerstin's second book?