By Bob Selden What to Do When You Become the Boss: How New Managers Become Successful Managers

by Selden

What to Do When You Become the How New Managers Become Successful Manag...

Genres: Business, Leadership, Management

Paperback

First published November 1, 2007

Reviews

[Jung]

Stepping into a managerial role often comes with a mix of excitement and uncertainty. For many, the promotion marks a reward for past performance, yet it also opens the door to a world where success is measured differently. The expectations change overnight — no longer is it just about technical expertise, but about leading others, managing priorities, and navigating interpersonal dynamics. Bob Selden’s "What to Do When You Become the Boss" aims to guide new managers through this unfamiliar terrain by offering practical, experience-based advice on how to thrive in leadership.

Early in the managerial journey, many realize that the skills that earned them the promotion don’t necessarily equip them to lead. Being good at your job is not the same as being good at managing people doing that job. The shift requires a new mindset. Selden emphasizes that effective management comes down to two main elements: focusing on results and focusing on people. While most new managers already understand how to get tasks done, it’s the human element — motivating, building trust, resolving conflict — that typically requires more attention. This dual focus forms the foundation of good leadership.

Understanding the type of group you are managing is essential. Some managers lead a team that must collaborate deeply; others oversee a collection of individuals working independently. Recognizing this distinction helps shape the right approach. For collaborative teams, the goal is to build connections, create shared responsibilities, and promote cross-functional learning. This might involve pairing team members, encouraging knowledge sharing, or rotating responsibilities. For groups with more independent roles, the emphasis should be on clear communication and individual alignment. Regardless of the setup, understanding how people interact — and how they prefer to work — gives a manager the insights needed to make meaningful improvements.

Once you’ve started to understand the team dynamic, the next step is ensuring that everyone knows what is expected of them. One common pitfall for new managers is assuming that being approachable and supportive is enough. While these traits are helpful, they don’t replace the need for structure. Employees want to do well, but they need clear benchmarks and role definitions to guide them. Selden suggests framing roles not by their activities but by their outcomes — focusing on what successful performance looks like rather than just listing responsibilities. This shared understanding, developed through conversation rather than dictated top-down, ensures that both manager and employee have clarity.

Establishing performance standards is another essential part of setting expectations. These standards should include measurable elements such as quantity (e.g., output volume), quality (e.g., error rates or satisfaction levels), and timeliness. With clear criteria in place, employees can better gauge their progress, and managers can provide more precise guidance. However, setting expectations is just the beginning. Feedback — frequent, focused, and clear — is necessary to keep performance on track and morale high.

When it comes to feedback, many managers fall into the trap of mixing praise with criticism in an effort to soften the blow. This 'feedback sandwich' often causes confusion and dilutes the intended message. Selden recommends separating positive reinforcement and constructive criticism into distinct conversations. Doing so allows each message to stand on its own and be understood clearly. Furthermore, using language that avoids blame — such as focusing on observable facts rather than judgments — makes it easier for employees to accept feedback without becoming defensive. Managers should also acknowledge and reinforce improvements, not just mistakes. Recognizing specific actions that led to success helps employees understand what to continue doing.

People don’t stay in the same roles forever, so managing transitions is a key responsibility for any manager. Hiring well means more than selecting someone with the right résumé. It involves identifying the key challenges of the role, defining must-have attributes, and structuring interviews around past behavior rather than hypothetical scenarios. Getting the right people into the right roles sets the stage for long-term success. On the flip side, letting someone go is one of the most difficult aspects of management. However, when done thoughtfully and only after performance improvement efforts have failed, it’s sometimes necessary. Documenting issues thoroughly and handling departures with compassion helps maintain team morale and integrity.

Managing a team isn’t just about overseeing direct reports — it’s also about working across and upward. Collaborating effectively with peer managers requires coordination and, often, negotiation of competing priorities. Understanding how your team fits into the broader organization ensures smoother interdepartmental relationships. When managing upward, clarity is just as vital. New managers should seek to understand their boss’s expectations, communication style, and priorities early on. Avoiding surprises, being transparent, and coming prepared with solutions rather than just problems helps build trust. Adapting to a manager’s preferred way of working — whether they focus on big-picture strategy or detail-oriented execution — enhances communication and boosts effectiveness.

Amid all this external focus, there is one relationship that often gets neglected: the one with yourself. Many managers, especially new ones, fall into the trap of trying to do everything. They work late, skip breaks, and take on responsibilities that could be delegated. This constant overextension leads to burnout and, ironically, undermines their leadership. Self-management begins with self-awareness. By tracking how time is actually spent, managers can identify habits that lead to unnecessary stress. From there, they can establish real boundaries — such as turning off email notifications outside of working hours — and model these healthy practices for their team.

Delegation is another crucial part of sustaining both personal well-being and team growth. By understanding the strengths of team members and assigning tasks accordingly, managers not only free themselves up for higher-level work but also foster a sense of ownership within the team. Strategic thinking and professional development — often pushed aside in the rush of daily demands — deserve space in a manager’s schedule. These activities may not be urgent, but they are vital to long-term success.

Selden’s book is ultimately a roadmap for anyone stepping into a leadership role and wondering how to do it well. Through relatable examples, practical frameworks, and a no-nonsense tone, it dismantles the myth that great managers are born, not made. With a clear focus on developing both people and systems, and by managing relationships in every direction, new managers can navigate their roles with greater confidence. And by not forgetting to care for themselves in the process, they can avoid the burnout that derails so many early in their leadership journeys.

In conclusion, "What to Do When You Become the Boss" offers a refreshingly honest and useful approach to becoming an effective manager. It recognizes that while the challenges of leadership are real, they are also navigable with the right mindset and tools. By focusing on clarity, communication, consistency, and care — both for the team and for oneself — any new manager can grow into a leader others trust, respect, and are inspired to follow.

[Sarah Cupitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

When your styles differ, adapt thoughtfully.

back story:
- so, you’ve been promoted to management. Congratulations! The pay is better, but the job? That’s another story. (lol)
- the markers have shifted. Your technical skills got you here, but suddenly, you’re juggling team dynamics, unclear expectations, and conversations no one trained you to have.
- Such moments of doubt are part of every new manager’s journey. The sleepless nights worrying about how to motivate that underperforming team member or navigate conflict between colleagues? Completely normal. Every successful manager has stood exactly where you are now, feeling that same uncertainty

notes:
- he bad news: most people are promoted to management because they’re great at something that isn’t management. Then the job hits – with budgets to balance, reviews to run, strategy to lead, and conflicts to sort out. It’s a lot, and it hits fast.
- managing effectively really boils down to just two components: task focus and relationship focus.
- How do you build a team, you might be asking? But here’s another question: Do you even have a team? You might be in charge of a team that needs to collaborate. You might also be managing a group who work independently. This team-group distinction should inform your management approach.
- Talk to each person about what drives them. Then, where it makes sense, align their personal goals with your team objectives. For example, when someone wants to develop specific skills, create opportunities for them to practice within team projects.
- when you understand both the group dynamic and what motivates each person, you can create an environment that brings out the best in both.
- Your people genuinely want to perform well. But even the most talented employees need structure and guidance to succeed. As a manager, it’s your job to define team roles and make sure each person understands what’s expected. How can you do this?

on feedback:
- When you schedule distinct conversations for both positive and constructive feedback, you create space for both messages to land properly. Your team members won’t develop anxiety every time you call them into your office, wondering what bad news is coming after the obligatory compliment.
- Once you’ve established this clear framework, you need to watch your language. Using “I” messages transforms your feedback from accusation to observation. For example, don’t say, “You’re always late with your reports.” Instead, say, “I noticed the last three reports missed their deadlines.” The first approach creates defensiveness. The second opens the door to collaborative problem-solving.
- And when someone improves, acknowledge it. Instead of just saying “good job”, try something like: “When you helped that new team member learn our systems, it accelerated their productivity and demonstrated the leadership qualities we value.” Now they know exactly what made the difference – and how it mattered.
- By transforming feedback from dreaded encounters into valuable conversations, you’ll unlock your team’s potential. Done right, it builds trust, boosts motivation, and helps people grow in real time.

decent example?
- Sarah was recently promoted to team manager based on her stellar performance as a marketing specialist. Excited about building relationships with her new team, she focuses on creating a positive atmosphere and being approachable. But then comes the surprise. Her boss says the team is underperforming.
- Confused, Sarah talks to her team. That’s when she uncovers the real problem: people don’t know what’s expected of them. They’re unclear on priorities. They don’t know what good work looks like. And they aren’t sure how they’re being measured.
- Despite her best intentions, Sarah skipped a core part of management: setting clear expectations.

on change:
- growth? It doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Teams change. People move on. Which brings us to the next element of leading well – managing transitions
- the dynamic nature of teams means people will inevitably come and go
- Ask them about critical situations or challenges that someone in this role typically faces. These insights will illuminate the truly necessary attributes, experiences, and behaviors required for success, beyond what might appear on a typical job description.
- write compelling job descriptions and recruitment strategies that attract the right candidates – not the most
- Unless you’ve been promoted straight to CEO – kudos if you have – you’ll need to manage more than just your direct reports. Managing sideways and upwards is equally important for your success.
- Sideways means working with peer managers from other departments who rely on your team’s cooperation. You might coordinate with marketing on product launches, align with finance on budgets, and collaborate with IT on system upgrades affecting your workflow. These partnerships require skillful negotiation, especially when priorities compete.
- Looking upward, senior managers evaluate your performance, allocate resources, and make decisions affecting your team. Your boss likely faces pressure from their own manager, creating expectations that cascade to you.
- By managing yourself with the same care you bring to managing others, you’ll build a foundation for lasting success that benefits both you and your organization.

wasn't too fond of:
- If the team feels disconnected, that’s your signal to step in. Do team members work in their own bubbles? If so, create projects that mix people from different areas and set up regular show-and-tell sessions. When people work alone too much, connect their deliverables so they have to collaborate. And where you observe knowledge gaps, pair up team members so they can learn from each other.

[Synthia Salomon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Practical wisdom from experienced managers

Take clearer steps from the start

becoming a successful manager requires mastering the balance between tasks and relationships while navigating challenges in every direction—downward, upward, and inward.

“building a cohesive team by assessing dynamics and aligning individual goals with group objectives. Clear expectations and structured feedback are key to unlocking performance, while thoughtful hiring and compassionate transitions maintain team excellence. Managing sideways and upward is just as critical as leading your own team, requiring adaptability and proactive communication. Finally, self-management – setting boundaries, delegating effectively, and prioritizing well-being – ensures you sustain success without burnout. By applying these principles, you’ll create a thriving environment where both you and your team can excel.”

[Joe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was going to be awful, just full of generic rubbish that is either very obvious or would never quite work in real life.

This book very pleasantly surprised me.

Some of the advice on communication, time management, not checking e-mail first thing was advice I had heard before, but I feel it is all the more important once reaching a higher level of responsibility as it is even more important to focus on key tasks and not get distracted.

The matrix showing the different levels of authority of team members was also very interesting.

1) Doing what they are told, when they are told to do it
2) Performing responsibilities but referring anything unusual to you for a decision.
3) For anything unusual, making suggestions of what to do, but letting you make the decision.
4) Making a decision and informing you what action they took.
5) Updating you once a week/month/as necessary with how things are going.

Not only is this vitally important when managing a team, but it is also very useful when looking at your own role.

By working at level 4 or 5 you are showing more initiative and freeing up your bosses time. Likewise helping develop your team to the same level on their responsibilities will free up your time and should increase job satisfaction.

This point alone, although obvious to some, was the key point that I will be taking away. It also touches on Stephen Covey's urgent/important matrix.

I've kept the book in my drawer at work to refer to if needed.

[Dave Neary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was first pointed at this book by Jonathan Blandford, and I am forever grateful. Even though I am not currently a people manager, I feel like this book makes me a better employee.

I really liked his approach of "If you learn this way, read this book this way". An awareness of your target audience and the learning styles and working styles of people is what makes this book good. My personal favourite learning style was "buy another book, give it to a colleague, and organise a lunch to discuss shared learnings".

[Nathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this: full of down-to-earth practical advice for the new manager. He divides the job into leadership, management, and operations. He talks about how to motivate other people, how to set performance standards, how to hire, how to fire, how to manage your boss, and more. None of it is theory only--he talks about what you want to achieve, and then shows the meetings and steps you'd take to achieve it. I'm going to keep referring back to this one until I have it under my skin.

[Jeremiah Graves · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good not great. There was some stuff that was good to read and helpful, but for the most part it's just common knowledge stuff like "Hey...you just became the boss, don't be a dick. Nobody like's a dick."

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

Useful insights. I'm suspicious about some of these books and their sometimes pop psychology. However this book referenced authors I had already read through my post-grad studies, relating to organisational culture, behaviour and motivation of yourself and your employees/colleagues.

[Juliana Viana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is awesome, I learned so much from the first page to the last, I absolutely recommend it for new leaders! Make sure you take lots of notes!

[Abhishek · Rating 3 out of 5]

Best parts of the book are its chapter summaries, checklists and anecdotes.

[Christal Sohl]

Some useful things here, especially on what motivates people.