Loving Someone with PTSD: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner after Trauma

by Aphrodite Matsakis

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can present with a number of symptoms, including anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and trouble sleeping. If your partner has PTSD, you may want to help, but find yourself at a loss. The simple truth is that PTSD can be extremely debilitating―not just for the person who has experienced trauma first-hand, but for their partners as well. And while there are many books written for those suffering from PTSD, there are few written for the people who love them. In Loving Someone with PTSD , renowned trauma expert and author of I Can’t Get Over It! , Aphrodite Matsakis, presents concrete skills and strategies for the partners of those with PTSD. With this informative and practical book, you will increase your understanding of the signs and symptoms of PTSD, improve your communication skills with your loved one, set realistic expectations, and work to create a healthy environment for the both of you. In addition, you will learn to manage your own grief, helplessness, and fear regarding your partner’s condition. PTSD is a manageable disability. While it isn’t your responsibility to rescue your partner or act as his or her therapist, this book will help you be supportive and implement strategies for lessening the negative impact of PTSD―not just for your partner, but for your relationship, and, importantly, for yourself.

Genres: Psychology, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Personal Development

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2014

Reviews

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been working through this workbook for the past year. There was no neon sign when my boyfriend experienced his first post traumatic episode. What I didn't know about loving someone with PTSD is that it will often present itself in disguise. It's not just difficult to love someone with PTSD, it can be difficult to recognize triggers, symptoms, and learn how to help.

This book transformed me into someone who was angry, distant, and emotional to someone who is patient, empathetic, and kind. It helped me understand how PTSD effects my partner and what my role is. Sometimes I didn't understand his words and actions. I would occasionally do things to trigger him by accident (i.e. dropping a plate and swearing). We didn't always know how to manage triggers, or what I could do to make him feel safe again if he is triggered,

I partnered this book with a journal because it does give a bit of homework. I think that recording events, how we felt, and how we tackled situations played a huge part in strengthening our relationship. I also purchased a separate workbook called The PTSD Workbook, 3rd Edition, by Willims Poijula for him. He kept his own journal, which he would often ask me to read, and bringing these things to therapy together was key.

For me, it was my boyfriend. For you, it may be a close friend, relative, or child. No book is perfect in terms of mapping out the inner demons a person with PTSD battles against, but this was my favorite of all the books I read. It truly helped both me and the person I bought it to help.

[Shelley Diamond · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title of this book is accurate. It covers the important issues for people in that situation. It addresses the daily ongoing issues of reacting to triggers and needing help to calm down, as well as crisis situations that are dangerous.

If your partner has a history of any kind of trauma, including abuse, rape, war, immigration, victim of crime, witness to violence, etc. this book is likely to be useful to you.....

[Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loving Someone with PTSD: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner after Trauma
by Aphrodite t Matsakia
learning how to save yourself, how to find your connections with those who have gone through challenges and hardships

[Britnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never read a self help book with so many examples and suggestions for healing! Loved this book so much! Found so many insightful ways to help with not only PTSD but with basic healthy communication for many different relationships.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is a helpful introduction but will need following up for me. It took a lot of simple concepts that I was aware of in my situation and added some more explanation to it so that I felt like I could understand some of the struggles I was encountering a little more.

That being said, I really felt like it made me want more in-depth science into how PTSD can affect an individual. This book definitely focuses on how you can show support through words and actions. Considering this is the first book I've read about PTSD, I think it was a good jumping off place and I'll be more prepared to dive into more complex books later on.

If you are reading this because, as the title suggests, you love someone with PTSD, then be prepared. It was an emotional struggle for me to bring forth all of these things and think about them deeply. And then it made me feel worse to think about how I felt just from secondhand exposure.

[Gala · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ще одна хороша книга, яку в варто б перекласти українською. Починає атворка з того, по пояснює що таке ПТСР, переходить до навичок активного слухання і ведення переговорів, але з поправками на цей стан. Останні дві частини - про кризові моменти (панічні атаки, вибухи гніву, суїцидальні наміри, тощо) - як іх розпізнати та що робити до приїзду швидкої чи поліції, та психотерпаію - як на неї вмовити, як занйти спеціаліста, тощо.
Вся книга написана з глибовю повагою до близької людини постраждалого. Авторка повсякчас підкреслює що, партнер(ка) того, хто страждає на ПТСР також знаходиться в тяжкому становищі, наголошує на важливості турботи про себе і на обмеженнях відповідальності, які може нести близька людина.
По всьому тексту є примітки за яких ознак потрібно звертатися по допомогу.

[Trudy Nye · Rating 3 out of 5]

Matsakis offers a number of nteresting insights for anyone in any kind of relationship with a survivor of trauma. Her commitment to showing that the PTSD sufferer can be a man or a woman is admirable, but to do this she constantly switches between he/him-she/her pronouns and ends up with a rather confusing mess. This book would be made clearer by using the ungrammatical, but increasingly accepted, pronouns they/their whenever referring to a person of unknown gender. Use her exercises with caution. Some could be helpful, but others might be very awkward depending on your personal situation. This is a good starting point, and it should give anyone food for thought.

[Amanda]

I didn’t rate this book, because it wasn’t as helpful for me as I was hoping. However, it could still be useful to someone else. I felt it was more geared toward those with very severe and prolonged trauma. Also, the communication ideas were common sense to me. I did still glean some good information and I liked that she had more resources at the back on specific topics.

[F. Lester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent introduction into the devastating world of PTSD

An excellent introduction to the traumatic effects of PTSD on the victim as well as the caregiver and family members. If you are faced with the prospect of caring for someone suffering from a traumatic event or want to better understand what PTSD is, I strongly recommend this book.

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful for me personally. To help me deal with my PSTD. Good communicating exercise in it. If a person would really like to understand people that have PTSD this is a good place to start. I recommend this book to any person who has or knows someone who has PTSD.

[Rena · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is not a bad book. It is somewhat technical. I loved the part describing what PTSD is and the last chapter on treatment options was very good too. Some of this did not apply to my situation. But I still found it helpful overall.

[Fred Stegmeier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is well written book with lots of useful ideas on loving and living with someone with PTSD. I am the sufferer and learned a lot about the effects of my illness on my wife. She found many useful ideas on how to live with me and how to recognize when I was not having a good day.
R

[L. E. Arbor]

Favorite quote: "Indeed the first goal of trauma therapy is to ‘normalize’ PTSD by assuring survivors that PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of stress.”

This was a really high quality book from an action-based perspective on how to navigate PTSD in a loving relationship.

[Rebecca Ann Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

It the first time I’ve heard explanations ways for partners to be empowered to u defat and and work through this together.

A must on the book shelf as a tool for anyone living with or loving someone with the challenges.

[Michael Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would highly recommend this book if your partner has PTSD and you are looking for help, the next steps, or a better understanding. Loving Someone With PTSD is written by Aphrodite T. Matsakis, PhD, who is an internationally recognized expert in trauma. So, needless to say, this was not written by somebody unqualified.

I appreciated how clear and direct this book was, with actual steps on how to help yourself and your partner if they have PTSD. This book is split into reading sections and note taking sections, so it can be a lot emotionally to sort through and work through.

[Megan · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are better books out there that provide advice and support. Some of my issues with this book were that it was overly clinical in some parts. I also did not love that with the use of pronouns the writer leads the reader to assume that the gender of the person who has PTSD is male. I found the advice and resources to be less than stellar and would recommend checking out other books on the topic for more accessible and application information and guidance.

[Bre · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a life saver. Aside from being incredibly insightful about PTSD causes, symptoms, and triggers, it also included sound advice for general communication and self care around delicate and difficult conversations.

Matsakis did a phenomenal job in quickly and effectively elaborating on a complicated mental illness that quickly helped me change my mindset, attitude, and actions for my loved one.

[Jillian Leff · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I did really find the practical advice, journaling, and discussions with my partner useful and helpful. I do think an update of this book is needed. It was published in 2013, and some of the language is outdated. Also, the author mentions at the end about how the book focused mainly on taking care of your partner and more time pages could've gone towards taking care of yourself, I would have had no problem reading those pages.

[Joyce Haworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is aimed at spouses/significant others. My beloved traumatized one is another sort of family member -- but still the advice and techniques were good and mostly applicable. This was a good introduction for living with and loving someone with PTSD. It makes an excellent starting point for understanding trauma and determining what you can do to love and support someone going through it.

[Rebecah Hatchel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book and desperately wish I had found it sooner. So much heartache and grief could have maybe been prevented if I knew what I have now learned from reading this. Highly highly recommend for anyone whose partner has PTSD. It’s the guidebook I didn’t understand I needed until maybe too late.

[Kayla Dunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re interested in learning more about how PTSD affects loved ones and thus your relationship with them, I think this is a great place to start. At the very least, it establishes a solid foundation on the topic and clear next steps that you can tailor for your specific journey.

Not every topi felt applicable or exhaustive, but what a privilege it is to love and to learn to love better.

[Sinclair · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one could be useful

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not usually a huge fan of nonfiction, but I thought this book was very insightful and was able to provide a real world application to my life.

[Marina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review to come!

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very dry/academic resource, with lots of how-to’s interacting with someone who has PTSD. Maybe helpful for someone with no background knowledge

[Angel Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

As a person who is married to a PTSD survivor and as a PTSD survivor myself, I knew this was one book I wanted a chance to review, and am thankful the Publishers decided to allow me to do so.

This book uses examples throughout to help illustrate what it is trying to say. I believe it is what keeps this from being a dry, text book read.

I found it helpful in many ways, and the author gives us a bit of homework to do at times, such as writing down things that can be helpful to remember as you try to love a survivor with PTSD. It isn't easy, loving us. We often have some emotion problems that cause our loved ones to question if we love them at all.

My biggest problem with this book is something that is in the publishers hands, not the author's. The formatting of the book. Like a number of books I have been reviewing for NetGalley, the publisher appears to have taken the Print ARC and stuck it into a file and labled it a digital ARC...except that's not what it is. It becomes a hot mess when you do this. While not as horrible as several other books I have just reviewed, or am reading now, it makes it difficult at times to read this book.

Loving Someone with PTSD has so much to offer the reader, that the publisher needs to take the time to have a proper Digital ARC created for reviewers, so that we have one less thing to count against a book. Formatting matters, it affects who easily we can actually read the book you have put in our hands.

[Carlos Vasconcellos]

This guide is very informative in living with a person with PTSD and techniques in communication as an active listener and speaker. The subject matter is a current hot topic while getting older and interacting with family and people, I have to learn how to communicate with my loved ones who were victims of a very Traumatic experience. I am seeing many similar patterns with my 40+ peers that grew up with tons of tuff love in Jamaica,Queens amongst heavy family drug abuse, violence resulting from additions to drugs and in some cases due to selling the drugs. The little people that were exposed to all these evils in the 80s were forced to carry the repercussions.

[Ellie C · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a solid primer for people in relationships where a partner has PTSD. The writing is straightforward and empathetic, and there are lots of homework exercises. Reading through it, however, I feel as though many of the communication and behavioral modification tools would be best implemented in conjunction with therapy. PTSD is not an easy walk for both the person with a past trauma nor those who love them. Having additional support to process the work would be beneficial.

[Kendra Nichols · Rating 5 out of 5]

I May not have someone in my immediate family at this time with PTSD but my friend does and her family is like my second one so I read this because I was interested in learning all I could. I'm glad I did too because now when I see them interacting its easier for me to understand the situation. I definitely recommend this book to anyone that has a loved one with PTSD.

[Sherril Sipes · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think, as with most books that address these types of sujects, it was helpful. I myself tried to use the suggestions, but my attention span these days is "Short", unless it is a book that takes me away in my mind..;)

As for the people in my family I was hoping it would help more......they did not finish reading the book yet.

So, I do not think I can give a valuable review.

Thanks

S