When Depression Hurts Your Relationship: How to Regain Intimacy and Reconnect with Your Partner When You're Depressed

by Shannon Kolakowski

When you are feeling depressed, having a loving, supportive relationship with your partner can help you in your path towards healing and creating a happier life. But often depression interferes with your relationship, distancing you from your partner during your time of need.

If you are in the midst of depression, you may worry that you aren’t good enough for your partner, or become irritable around them. You may even push them away when you feel like your emotions are beyond your control. In addition, your sense of intimacy may diminish, and your sex life may fizzle as a result of fatigue, medications and feeling disconnected from your partner. The hard truth is that feelings of isolation, worthlessness, and tiredness can all take a hefty toll on your love life. But you don’t have to let depression be the demise of your relationship.

Using an integrative approach based in mindfulness, interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), When Depression Hurts Your Relationship offers practical skills to help readers with depression reignite intimacy with their partners.

If you suffer from depression, this book is a must-read to help keep your romantic relationship healthy, exciting, and rewarding for you both.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Relationships

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2014

About the author

Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD is a psychologist and author of "Single, Shy, and Looking For Love" and "When Depression Hurts Your Relationship." Dr. Kolakowski's articles have been published in Scientific American MIND, Business Insider, and The Huffington Post. Her work has been featured in Redbook, The New York Post, and Women's and Men's Health Magazines, as well as online at Forbes, Shape Magazine, and Good Morning America. She lives in the Sarasota area with her husband and daughter.

Reviews

[Jennifer johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't wait to receive this book. My husband deals with major depression so I hope this is helpful. Review to follow! :)

[Angel Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a lot of good information that those who really want to figure out how to keep their depression from controlling or hurting their relationship can find. There were some exercises the reader can do, which I personally think can help for a number of reasons. I find these kinds of books have a better success rate at getting their point across to their readers.

I admit that there was one section of the book that made me sit up and take notice. I am going to be implementing some of the thoughts and ideas the author put forward to see if it helps in my relationships.

This book talks about the painful emotions, and the triggers. These are things that are necessary to understand if you wish to help bring your depression under control. This book is not always easy to read, because it deals with a very real emotion and something many of us want not to think about.

Overall, my impression is that this book can be very helpful to its target audience. It's worth the read

[Princessjay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very helpful in parts. However, more a workbook than analysis of processes or patient's descriptions of their subjective experience, which I am more interested in.

[Leanna Manuel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really helpful book - well written and full of concrete tools that anyone can use to strengthen a relationship.

I received this book in a goodreads.com giveaway and I'm very glad I did. I'm always looking for resources to use with my clients and this one caught my attention. I really liked the cover design.

I do think this book sells itself short by marketing itself as a depression and relationship book because the exercises and insights would strengthen any relationship, not just those weakened by depression.

The chapter on Reigniting Your Sexual Desire will be a great help to many clients. The practical suggestions for Managing Painful Emotions were top notch.

[Louise Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Depression' is perhaps too strong a word. Good for people whose relationships with anyone have been affected when they are going through a difficult time.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pragmatic helpful way to look at behaviors that stem from depression within a relationship. Unfortunate that this comes after the relationship broke-up.

[الاء · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a recommended book for individuals with depression who started to feel shame and/or guilt as they think that they are no longer “good enough” partners for their lovers. If relationships are threatened by depression and partners feel fear, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, this is a good resource. This book will not replace seeking professional help and getting treatment for depression.

[Reta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although it is written more like an analytical Doctoral thesis and less like relationship-centered counseling, this book has some solid advice and exercises for couples who are struggling with situational or episodic/clinical depression.

[Karla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommended for both members of a couple

Both the depressed person and their partner should read it for greater clarity. Insightful and useful tools and exercises to work on together.

[Stephanie Thode · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has given me some tools that I can share with my husband to help us fight back against my depression that has threatened our marriage.

[Terry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical on a great many levels. This book contains more details than some will want or need, but it also contains bite-sized tasks.

This is not a feel good book or a miracle cure book, but it is a valuable self-help tool which provides hope from a realistic perspective. I highly recommend for either the one who is depressed or one who lives with someone who is.

Disclosure: I was randomly selected from among numerous GoodReads readers to receive an advance copy of this book; I have read it and this is my honest evaluation. I have no connection with this author or publisher and have received nothing from anyone in consideration for publishing this review.