The Practicing Happiness Workbook: How Mindfulness Can Free You from the Four Psychological Traps That Keep You Stressed, Anxious, and Depressed

by Ruth Baer

Everyone wants to be happy, but somewhere along the way, they fall into OC trapsOCO that prevent them from reaching their potential, their goals, and the lives they want. In this important new book, internationally-recognized mindfulness expert Ruth Baer explores four most common psychological traps that ultimately lead to unhappiness: rumination, avoidance, emotion-driven behavior, and self-criticism, and offers real solutions for overcoming them. Inside readers will learn to transform their lives using an innovative transdiagnostic approach to managing stress, anxiety, and unhappiness so that they can live a truly satisfying life."

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Health

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2014

About the author

Hello! I'm the author of a new book about mindfulness and how it will help you find true happiness and well-being. The book is based on my experience as a researcher, teacher, clinical psychologist, supervisor, and practitioner of mindfulness and mindful yoga. It's called:

The Practicing Happiness Workbook: How Mindfulness Can Free You from the Four Psychological Traps that Keep You Stressed, Anxious, and Depressed (published in the US by New Harbinger Publications).

I'm a Psychology Professor at the University of Kentucky. I do research on mindfulness and publish articles and books for academics and professionals. I also teach and supervise mindfulness-based treatments and give talks and workshops.

Mindfulness is so beneficial for so many people that I wanted to share what I've learned in a book for the general public. Practicing Happiness was written for anyone who would like to reduce their levels of stress, anxiety, and depression and find more meaning, satisfaction, and happiness in life. It explains how practicing mindfulnes can help you reach these goals. The book is written in clear language, with no jargon, and is full of worksheets, exercises, and personal stories of people who've benefitted from practicing mindfulness. I hope you find it useful!

The book is also published by Constable and Robinson, in the United Kingdom, with a slightly different title:

Practising Happiness: How Mindfulness Can Free You from Psychological Traps and Help You Build the Life You Want.

Reviews

[Yvonne Stegall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book in a First Reviews giveaway. I am not quite done reading it yet, but I am in love with it. This is a great book that teaches a wonderful lesson of mindfulness and happiness. As a life coach, I plan to share what I learn with people I help- and point them towards this book. As a human being, I plan to integrate the lessons taught in this book into my life. I suffer from social anxiety, and this book was written for people just like me!

[Kat Riethmuller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mindfulness calls for consciously keeping your thoughts in the present.
It lets you address events around you with an “attitude of friendly curiosity.”
People who study and use mindfulness report feeling fewer psychological challenges.
Accepting your negative emotions can help you avoid the “psychological traps” of “rumination, avoidance, emotion-driven behavior and self-criticism.”
Rumination means worrying excessively about a problem, which can make you feel worse about it.
When people try to avoid something, or not think of it, they think of it even more.
Emotions played a significant part in human evolution.
The emotional weight of sustained self-criticism can sap your ability to press forward in your life.
Mindfulness applies kindness – not criticism or self-criticism – even in difficult circumstances.
To accept unpalatable feelings, see them honestly without evaluating them.

Unable to Cope
Those who feel anxious, overburdened, unhappy and unable to cope with personal or work-related stress can pursue mindfulness to help them build a greater sense of contentment and peace of mind. Practicing mindfulness helps people concentrate on the immediate present and address problems and events with an “attitude of friendly curiosity.” No matter how people define happiness, mindfulness can help them access it.

“Mindfulness is a distinctly different kind of awareness. It’s nonjudgmental and compassionate, even when the present moment is stressful and difficult.”
People who study and apply mindfulness techniques develop insights into what really matters to them and improve their ability to manage difficulties and find fulfillment.

Going Round and Round
When most people say they know all about their problems, they mean they think about them all the time. Often, they don’t get all that far in resolving what troubles them. They switch tracks and try not to think about their challenges. Shutting off their worries becomes so difficult that they try to distract themselves or work even harder. Such responses can cause even more troubles. With mindfulness, people learn to approach problems without self-criticism. They adopt an attitude of kindness, even if the circumstances don’t look promising. Mindfulness can help someone identify and deflect damaging thought patterns that foster unhappiness.

“Compare thoughts and feelings to waves in the ocean. Depending on weather conditions, the waves vary in size and strength, but they’re always present.”
For example, Glenn doesn’t like addressing groups, but when his boss asks him to run a meeting, he can’t refuse. The morning of the meeting, Glenn wakes up feeling apprehensive. He worries that he might conduct the meeting in some disastrous way. After fretting for some time, he goes to the office and worries some more. He runs the meeting but fears the attendees find it boring. Filled with apprehension, he cuts the meeting short. He worries about what to tell his boss about his failure to cover all the items on the agenda.

“Problem-Solving Mode”
When you face a challenge, you probably approach it in a problem-solving frame of mind. This mode of thinking focuses on the differences between the current situation and the ideal situation you want to achieve. It helps you think about what you want to accomplish and which steps you need to take. This kind of thinking can help you manage challenging tasks – for instance, refurbishing your home or mapping out how to structure a book.

“Acceptance of unpleasant feelings means observing them without judgment and allowing them to take their natural course, rather than trying to change or get rid of them.”
You probably use this logical approach – or something similar – to handle problem solving every day without even thinking about it. Yet sometimes it just doesn’t work. Hanging onto this habitual strategy can lead you to try to figure out how to change a situation, even when pushing for change is clearly an impractical tactic. You may need to acknowledge and acquiesce to adverse conditions and work within them. Using mindfulness, you can learn to live in peace with situations you can’t change. That can help you change your situation in a more balanced way.

“Psychological Traps”
Falling back on old problem-solving strategies can lead you into four problematic thought patterns or psychological traps, but mindfulness can help you set them aside. They are:

1. “Rumination”
Glenn thought excessively about the meeting, but that didn’t help him. Psychologists call this mode of thinking rumination. Using it made things worse for Glenn. The more he thought about the meeting and how it could go wrong, the more worried and upset he felt.

“Mindful acceptance does not mean saying, ‘I guess I just have to accept this’ and resigning yourself to hopelessness and passivity. It’s not weak or spineless, and it doesn’t mean you don’t care.”
People tend to ruminate about how badly they feel or how hard their challenges are. They dwell on events and outcomes that went wrong in the past. They stew about what could fail in the future. While people ruminate about different issues, the pattern of thinking remains similar and consistent. People fret over their problems but can’t make progress toward resolving them. Dwelling on how sad you feel can make you even more depressed. If you think too much about how angry you are, you can intensify your sense of outrage. The psychological trap of rumination can make it harder for you to remember better times, to get going and to focus on the future.

“Mindful observation of emotional experiences helps us recognize their components, including bodily sensations, thoughts and urges.”
You might erroneously believe that overthinking a problem should help because paying more attention to it could deepen your understanding. In the short term, yes, chewing over something can protect you from negative feelings. For example, if someone offends you, you could work yourself into a fury about it to divert your attention from your “hurt feelings.” But in the long run, stoking your anger could prevent you from examining your contribution to the conflict or addressing it. If you run an escalating mental loop, repeating again and again the particulars of an infuriating incident, you won’t be able to consider what you could do to improve the situation.

A Simple Strategy
The 13th-century Persian poet Rumi wrote a poem called “The Guest House.” To draw on its spirit, imagine that you own a small hotel. You may have guests who become irksome because they expound on their strong opinions. You can’t offend them by objecting to their conversation, so you take care of them each morning and go back to your own work. You may hear what the troublesome guests say, but you let their words flow through you and they don’t offend you. Use this idea of owning a guest house as an analogy for how to conduct yourself. Your guests include everything you think and feel. Some of these thoughts may trouble you. Perhaps you’re running yourself down with repetitive self-disparagement. In time and with practice, you learn to greet these undermining, unproductive thoughts, acknowledge them and let them go.

Addressing Rumination
When you notice that you are ruminating, acknowledge your ideation. Be aware when you’ve started thinking critical, evaluative thoughts. Spot them and let them go. If you begin worrying when you start an activity, such as driving or washing the dishes, bring your attention back to the sensations involved in that activity, like the feeling of running water on your hands or the vibration of the steering wheel. Or, perhaps you began fretting while you were resting at home. To break the pattern, draw your attention to another activity, something that gives you a feeling of achievement. If ruminative thoughts come back to your mind, recognize them. With kindness toward yourself, return your attention to your present activity.

2. “Avoidance”
Glenn initially contemplated telling his boss that he didn’t feel well enough to run the meeting. Instead, he used a covert method of avoidance. He focused on his notes and didn’t look at his colleagues’ reactions. When he saw someone yawning, he assumed everybody was bored.

“Mindful observation helps you see what’s actually happening in the moment. [Observing] mindfully will help you make wiser decisions about what to do.”
Psychologists have studied a curious phenomenon: The more people try not to think of something, the more they think about it. Trying not to think about a subject only strengthens the impulse to think about it. For instance, you might try not to fret about situations where you are apprehensive or to worry about people who intimidate you. Initially, this could increase your sense of well-being, but if you do it over a period of time, you could make matters worse.

“When you notice unconstructive self-critical thoughts, imagine they’re coming from a radio in your mind that’s stuck on a station that features criticism of you.”
Keeping track of your thoughts on a worksheet can help you notice when you’re using avoidance behaviors. Being able to refer to a written record can clarify what causes you to act like this. You can identify why you thought that avoiding something might help you and develop insight about how it could harm you in the future.

“Self-validation is useful in several ways. It helps us feel better and see situations more clearly. It helps us get out of psychological traps.”
To stop avoidance, mindfully observe what you’re trying to avoid. To prevent falling into the avoidance trap, draw on your worksheet to analyze your avoidance methods – the tactics you use to push away unpleasant situations and thoughts. Don’t castigate or criticize yourself. Instead, use mindfulness to watch your behavior. Once you’re aware, you can shift your thought patterns.

3. “Emotion-Driven Behavior”
When you let your emotions drive your actions, you behave rashly. To evade troubling thoughts and feel better, you could decide on a course of action without thinking about the consequences. When Glenn spotted people who appeared uninterested, he ended the meeting prematurely. He felt briefly consoled, but became apprehensive about the consequences.

The Ebb and Flow
The movement of people’s emotions resembles the ebb and flow of the sea. People have distinct emotional patterns: some experience feelings more intensely, and others have more subtle sentiments. Experiencing various emotions affects each person’s mind and body differently, even though people’s facial expressions tend to remain similar when they feel emotions like “happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust and surprise.”

“Everyone has their own emotional style. Some people have very intense emotions, both positive and negative. Others have mostly mild or moderate emotions.”
Feelings can create an impulse to react. For instance, if you feel terrified, you might sense your heart pounding and your body stiffening. You could tell yourself to leave such a scary threat immediately – and act on that impulse – or you could decide to restrain yourself and try being mindful. Your emotions give you vital signals about your current situation. For example, fear tells you to watch out for danger. If you feel aggravated, someone could be taking advantage of you. Feeling guilty could signal that you’ve treated someone else unfairly. Heed such clues to help you deal with a sense of fear in a productive way.

“Emotions evolved to be useful, yet they often cause trouble…Emotions are often triggered quickly. Bodily reactions and impulses arise before we have time to think.”
Emotions play a significant part in human evolution, but they can cause trouble. They can trigger automatically, without conscious thought. Emotion-driven impulsive reactions may work on your behalf if you face an attack in the jungle, but they won’t help you give a speech or ace a job interview. You want to stay calm, but your body tenses as it prepares for conflict.

“The inner world of thoughts and feelings is a busy place. We all have constant streams of sensations, emotions, thoughts and urges passing through our minds and bodies.”
To manage your emotions, acknowledge them. Use a worksheet to help you understand what you’re experiencing. Note when you have an intense experience and what causes it. What did you feel? How strongly did you feel it? What did you think about when it was happening? How did your body react? What did you feel impelled to say or do? If you decided to act, note what you did. If you prevented yourself from acting, note that as well. Did you feel other emotions? For instance, did you berate yourself for getting aggravated? Did you feel sorry you felt like that?

“Practicing mindfulness teaches us how to accept the things we can’t change.”
If you feel overwhelmed by emotions, you may wonder if practicing mindfulness could be counterproductive. Remember the difference between mindful acceptance and problem solving. When you observe your feelings mindfully, you look at your emotions with interest but no criticism. Consider your urges. Pay attention to simple activities like brushing your teeth or scratching your nose. If you feel like scratching your nose, watch the impulse to see if the desire gets stronger or weaker. If you decide to scratch, do it with mindful attention.

4. “Self-Criticism”
Self-criticism can help if it offers you a way out of a current predicament. However, Glenn evaluated himself only in the most general terms. He called himself an “idiot,” an insult he felt he deserved for not performing better. He’d had similar thoughts for many years. Sustained self-criticism sparks a range of negative feelings. It could sap your ability to press ahead, cause you to delay working on tasks you need to do or keep you from seeking help.

“Understanding Acceptance”
To manage such unhelpful feelings, see them clearly and separately without evaluating them or trying to change them. Western societies condition people to believe they shouldn’t have negative feelings and that they can rise above such a state of mind. Accepting your negative emotions, instead of trying to avoid them, has two benefits. First, acceptance helps you stay out of psychological traps like rumination, avoidance, emotion-driven behavior and self-criticism. And, second, it can help you take on challenges like quitting smoking or exercising more.

[Jung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mindfulness has gained significant attention in recent years as a tool for reducing stress, improving mental well-being, and fostering a deeper connection to the present moment. In "The Practicing Happiness Workbook", Ruth A. Baer provides a hands-on guide to using mindfulness to escape common psychological traps that keep people feeling anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed. Rather than being a fleeting emotional state, happiness is presented as a skill that can be cultivated through mindful awareness and intentional action. This book explores how mindfulness helps individuals detach from unhelpful mental habits, including rumination, negative self-talk, and impulsive reactions, allowing them to make choices that align with their values and long-term goals.

A key insight in Baer’s work is that negative thoughts and emotions cannot always be eliminated, but they can be observed without allowing them to dictate behavior. She introduces a powerful metaphor called 'Passengers on the Bus' to illustrate this concept. Imagine that life is a bus journey, and the driver—representing an individual’s conscious self—is navigating toward a meaningful goal. The passengers on board are internal thoughts and emotions, some of which are discouraging, self-critical, or fearful. These voices may insist that failure is inevitable or that a challenge is not worth attempting. The instinctive response is often to fight back against these thoughts, attempting to silence or suppress them. However, Baer argues that trying to force these passengers off the bus is futile; they will always be present in some form. Instead, mindfulness teaches individuals to acknowledge these voices without giving them control. By allowing them to exist without engaging with them, their power diminishes, and focus remains on the journey ahead.

A major psychological trap addressed in the book is rumination, the tendency to dwell on past mistakes, current worries, or imagined future failures. Unlike constructive problem-solving, which leads to actionable solutions, rumination creates a cycle of negative thinking that amplifies stress and anxiety. Baer explains that rumination masquerades as useful introspection, tricking people into believing they are working through their issues when they are actually reinforcing them. The consequence of this mental loop is an increase in negative emotions, a loss of motivation, and even physical symptoms of stress. She outlines a two-part mindfulness strategy to counteract rumination. First, individuals must recognize when they are caught in this pattern by labeling it: “This is rumination.” Simply identifying the thought process helps create distance from it. Next, attention is redirected to the present moment by fully engaging in an activity. Whether it is feeling the warmth of dishwater while washing dishes or focusing on footsteps while walking, shifting attention from the mind to physical sensations helps break the cycle of rumination. If the negative thoughts return, they are acknowledged without resistance and gently set aside again.

Mindfulness also plays a crucial role in managing emotional urges. Emotions naturally generate impulses, which are often beneficial. For example, fear prompts self-preservation, and joy leads to expressions of connection. However, in modern life, some impulses can be counterproductive, such as responding to anxiety by avoiding responsibilities or reacting to anger with aggression. Baer suggests that mindfulness allows individuals to separate the feeling of an urge from the action it prompts. By practicing with low-stakes urges—such as delaying the impulse to scratch an itch or swallow while brushing one’s teeth—individuals can develop greater self-control. Observing an urge without immediately acting on it builds awareness of its temporary nature. Over time, this skill translates into more significant situations, such as resisting the urge to lash out in anger or give in to avoidance due to anxiety. By pausing, acknowledging the urge, and choosing a response deliberately, individuals gain greater agency over their emotions.

Another fundamental aspect of mindfulness is the practice of fully experiencing the present moment. The human mind frequently operates on autopilot, especially during routine activities. Instead of savoring the sensory details of daily experiences, people tend to become lost in thought, replaying past events or planning for the future. Baer presents research demonstrating that individuals are happiest when they are fully engaged in whatever they are doing, regardless of the activity itself. By practicing mindfulness in simple tasks, such as eating, walking, or listening to music, people can cultivate an increased appreciation for life’s ordinary moments. She introduces an exercise known as the 'raisin meditation', in which participants take a small, everyday object—a raisin—and examine it as though they have never seen one before. They observe its texture, color, and scent before slowly eating it, noticing the sensations in each stage of the process. This exercise highlights how mindfulness transforms routine activities into rich experiences by fostering deeper attention and awareness.

A particularly valuable insight in the book is the role of acceptance in overcoming strong urges and cravings. Many people try to suppress unwanted impulses, such as the desire to smoke, eat unhealthy food, or procrastinate. However, Baer points to research indicating that suppression often backfires, making the urge stronger. Instead of resisting cravings forcefully, mindfulness encourages individuals to observe them without judgment. In a study involving smokers, participants who practiced accepting their cravings without reacting to them ended up smoking fewer cigarettes compared to those who attempted to ignore or fight their urges. Acceptance does not mean giving in to harmful behaviors but rather acknowledging the sensation, experiencing it fully, and allowing it to pass naturally. This technique, known as 'mindful pausing', involves stopping in the moment, noticing the sensations associated with an urge, and choosing a response intentionally. By learning to observe rather than react, individuals gain control over impulsive behaviors and make choices aligned with their long-term well-being.

Ultimately, "The Practicing Happiness Workbook" presents mindfulness as a powerful tool for navigating life with greater clarity and resilience. Rather than promising a life free of negative emotions, Baer teaches that mindfulness helps people develop a healthier relationship with their thoughts and feelings. Through practical exercises, she demonstrates how observing mental patterns, redirecting attention, and accepting emotions without resistance fosters inner peace and intentionality. Over time, these skills lead to reduced stress, improved emotional regulation, and a greater sense of fulfillment. By cultivating mindfulness, individuals can step out of habitual reactions and move forward with greater awareness, confidence, and purpose.

[J Crossley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mindfulness (keeping your thoughts in the present) has many advantages. You view the world around you with an curiosity. You may experience fewer psychological challenges. In order to better deal with negative feelings, view them honestly without evaluating them. Remember that when you try to avoid thinking about something, you end up thinking about it more. Don’t allow the emotional weight of self-criticism to cause you to not move forward with your life.

[Sarah Cupitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Why is it so hard to be happy?" mood. really liked the part on rumination. this book made me think about how i really need to slow the fuck down.

notes:
- changing how you relate to your thoughts and emotions, especially the difficult ones
- didn't mind the bus analogy (youre driving somewhere but there's others with you etc, and the passengers represent your thoughts and you question the ability to reach the destination etc, the passengers arent going anywhere)
- It’s about acknowledging them without judgment.
- Ultimately, mindfulness is about staying in the driver’s seat.
- rumination is a psychological trap (obvs but yes)
- Rumination can show up in different ways. You might stew over why you feel so down, obsess over vague questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” or build a mental case against someone who hurt you. The result? Negative emotions get amplified. Sadness deepens into despair. Anger turns into rage. It’s not just emotional, either; rumination can mess with your focus, drain your motivation, and even stress out your body, raising your heart rate and muscle tension.
- So, why do we do it? One reason is that rumination feels like it’s helping. You think you’re analyzing the problem or gaining insight, but in reality, you’re just going in circles. For example, focusing on anger when someone hurts you might feel empowering – it keeps you from connecting with the deeper pain of rejection.
- Label it: “This is rumination.” Simply calling it out helps you see it more clearly. Next, redirect your focus to the present moment. Tune into whatever you’re doing. Washing the dishes? Notice the warmth of the water, the sound of the suds. Walking the dog? Feel the ground under your feet, hear the sounds around you.
- If you’re stuck in an unproductive activity, switch to something more engaging. Maybe read a book, call a friend, or tackle a small task.
- doesn’t silence rumination overnight, but it shifts your focus
- Emotions come with urges – impulses to act in specific ways. When you’re angry, you might feel the urge to shout or slam a door. When you’re anxious, you might want to avoid a situation altogether.
- Pay attention to how the urge feels and decide deliberately when to spit. Or the next time your nose itches, observe the sensation without immediately scratching. Notice whether the urge grows stronger or fades. If you decide to scratch, do it mindfully, noticing the movement and sensation.
- Research shows that people are happier when they focus on the present moment, regardless of what they’re doing.
- Even unpleasant moments, like eating something you don’t like, become easier to tolerate when approached with curiosity and non-judgment.
- Practicing mindfulness transforms ordinary moments into opportunities for connection and insight.
- accepting urges you dislike can help you beat them
- Society often encourages us to eliminate negative emotions as quickly as possible. But attempting to suppress or escape feelings often intensifies them.
- By accepting feelings without judgment, we create space for them to pass naturally.
- To practice mindful pausing, start by stopping what you’re doing and creating a moment of stillness. Adjust your posture to reflect openness – straighten your spine and relax your shoulders. Observe what’s happening in your body and mind. Tune into sensations, emotions, and thoughts. It can help to label them gently, such as “tension in my chest” or “a feeling of frustration.” Focus on your breath as it moves in and out. If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breathing.
- “It’s okay to feel this. Let me notice it.”

[Nesibe Başaran · Rating 4 out of 5]

It gives some informations about mindfullnes. İt's like a full of passengers into bus. Your thoughts have that seats. Mindfulnes is not fighting or convincing or trying to change the customers. This book gives you tips how to deal with them and how to not let them controlling you. I advice.

[Angela Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought this was very good

[Helen Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

The exercises are helpful but it's mostly about practicing mindfulness.

[Suhasa · Rating 3 out of 5]

(Read via Blinkist)

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up at my local library based on the cheerful pink cover with the happy white daisy on the front. I also feel like mindfulness is the new kale in health trends, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to learn a little about it, just to be cool. I was surprised by how much I really liked the book and the fact that I would be willing to buy it so that I can actually work with the exercises. The writing was straightforward and easy to understand without making the reader feel uneducated or dumb. Baer has clearly done her research, and her sources are well documented. A good read for anyone who would like to add mindfulness practices to her therapy or daily routine.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads. This book was a little dry for my liking, but I enjoyed the examples and practical exercises. I find that I am good at dealing with stress and anxiety but I plan on gifting this book to a family member who I feel would benefit more from this and learn some more material. This is also a good book to keep as reference and look back on - I especially enjoyed the meditation parts.

[Bailey Olfert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not especially keen on mindfulness, but this book has so many good ways to think about what's going on in your mind; the analogies alone make reading this worthwhile.
My biggest beef is with the cover - pink and flowered?? That's too extreme for me and I'm female! How could I get any male friends or family to even look at this with its packaging?

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a First Reads Goodreads contest winner.

I love this workbook. I suffer from some anxiety issues, and the exercises and suggestions in this workbook help me to be more mindful. Highly recommend to anyone.

[Lynette Monteiro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewed this book among others here:

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