What do you think?
Rate this book
Carried in Our Hearts: The Gift of Adoption: Inspiring Stories of Families Created Across Continents
"My mommy didn't carry me in her tummy, she carried me in her heart." Bailey, a 5-years old who was adopted from China. Her story is included in this book.
According to People magazine, parents from all over the country seek adoption expert and Worldwide Orphans Foundation founder Dr. Jane Aronson’s help “as if consulting a master detective.” Angelina Jolie praised Dr. Aronson’s “drive and ambition to help children dream” (Elle). Indeed, over the course of the past three decades, Dr. Aronson has touched the lives of thousands of adopted children from around the world and in this inspiring book she presents moving first-person testimonies from parents (and a few children themselves) whose lives have been blessed by adoption.
Divided into thematic sections—such as "The Decision," "The Journey," and "The Moment We Met")—each prefaced by Dr. Aronson, this book introduces readers to Claude Knobler, a writer from Los Angeles whose journey to Ethiopia to adopt his son led to an unexpectedly moving encounter with the boy’s courageous birthmother; actor Mary Louise-Parker whose older adopted son’s bond with her newly adopted baby daughter was deep and unwavering from the instant the two children met; and Lynn Danzker, an entrepreneur who set off alone to adopt her son, Cole, and in the process, met and married her husband. The authors of these testimonies range from doctors to filmmakers, from financial consultants to celebrities—all of them bound by their moving and transformative experience as adoptive parents.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published April 18, 2013
9 people are currently reading
386 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
June 27, 2013
Rah rah rah, and not much else. These stories gloss over so many of the challenges involved in adoption and in being adopted, internationally or otherwise--many of which crop up years after the thrilling 'shopping for a country' and match process are over with.
Low on analysis or critical thought, high on what I suppose the author considers to be heartwarming, Carried in Our Hearts reads like an advertisement for international adoption, without any social or political commentary on the practice of wealthy Americans waiting until they are too old to produce biological children and then checking out the alternatives made available to them by the poverty of the third world.
As country after country shut down their adoption markets to the US due to corruption on both first and third-world sides of the trade in children, it is remarkable to me that anyone can think the countries open to US adopters today are any more invested in or able to enforce ethical adoptions than the now-closed countries whose corrupt practices everyone acknowledges as shameful. Aronson's book pays no more than lip service to these issues and therefore I can't recommend it.
September 20, 2022
I read the book and was not surprised we were not included. None of these stories reveal the real challenges involved in adoption. Before my husband and I adopted our daughter from Russia, we hired Jane Aronson to determine if she had any potential physical or mental disabilities. Jane Aronson said she did not have ANY traits for serious disabilities. As a result, we adopted our daughter only to learn a few months later than she has cerebral palsy. When we told Jane Aronson about it, she basically shrugged it off and did not even offer a refund to the very high consulting fee she charged us. “I put in the hours” was her response. It did not matter that she was completely wrong. Five years later we also learned our daughter also has serious mental and emotional disabilities including a 70 IQ, Autism and ADHD. Her psychiatrist believes she also is manic depressive based on her extreme verbal abuse and temper tantrums she has for anything that she does not want to do which today includes going to school, eating her vegetables and doing her homework. We have spent the past 13 years in and out of hospitals being drained emotionally and financially. Jane Aronson was either lazy, incompetent or simply did not care as she administered her completely wrong assessment about our daughter’s physical and mental health. But God turned that evil to good. Because of the constant stress of our family and daughter’s physical and mental health, I have found great comfort through Jesus. As a born again Christian, I can today turn my pain into joy and am grateful for the opportunity to share God’s love and mercy to our daughter and community. Even though Jane Aronson never apologized for so obviously being so wrong, I forgive her.
May 3, 2013
My oldest daughter was thrilled to have a short essay included in this book. It's a piece she wrote when she was in 6th grade, describing her memories about going to China to adopt her sister, a trip she took when she was five years old. In her essay you can see how some of the things that were going on during that trip seemed scary, boring, or confusing to her, but you also see how she cut through all that to the heart of the matter--"meeting" her sister, feeling her way to understanding this new person, slowly and gently.
The whole book is like a set of snapshots in time--one person may have written a recollection of the day they met their child for the first time, another person discusses an early challenge they faced as an adoptive family, and so on...the book takes you down the road to parenting an adopted child from a hundred different angles. You don't spend a lot of time with any one single writer, but instead see a broad range of attitudes and situations.
The book focuses on the positives of adoption, and some of the stories are indeed inspiring. But adoption is always the result of pain and loss, and it is not always the best or only path for an orphaned child. I hope anyone who is interested in that statement investigates the incredible work being done by Dr. Aronson's foundation, Worldwide Orphans.
The whole book is like a set of snapshots in time--one person may have written a recollection of the day they met their child for the first time, another person discusses an early challenge they faced as an adoptive family, and so on...the book takes you down the road to parenting an adopted child from a hundred different angles. You don't spend a lot of time with any one single writer, but instead see a broad range of attitudes and situations.
The book focuses on the positives of adoption, and some of the stories are indeed inspiring. But adoption is always the result of pain and loss, and it is not always the best or only path for an orphaned child. I hope anyone who is interested in that statement investigates the incredible work being done by Dr. Aronson's foundation, Worldwide Orphans.
March 28, 2013
This is a 300+ page book of short stories. And I do mean short stories. I thought the book would be about 2-3 families and their struggle to conceive and adopt. Instead, it's about multiple families who I don't feel like I ever got to know. Good book idea; poorly executed.
I won this book through a goodreads giveway
I won this book through a goodreads giveway
July 3, 2014
I'd actually give it 2.5 stars, as some of the contributions are excellent. Overall, though, I wasn't sure what Dr. Aronson wanted this book to be. I suppose it does live up to its title, as the stories are of the inspirational, touching variety. For the most part, it is very adoptive parent-centric, and I wanted a more balanced representation of adult adoptees and birthparents, but now I'm reviewing the book I think she should have written rather than what she presented. There are some very thoughtful and articulate pieces in here, but only a few really give a sense of the larger challenges of adoption - it feeds into a perception of adoption akin to viewing marriage as a wedding rather than an ongoing commitment to another person. Those key moments are indeed moving (I have plenty of those myself), so the book fulfills the emotional promise of the title.
But I still question the intention of the book. Did Dr. Aronson just feel the need to be a scribe compiling stories she found compelling? It may be that simple. Or did she want to "inspire" more people to adopt? (And given the number of international adoptive families, and the global focus of her foundation, to adopt internationally?) If so, she pulls the rug out from under that notion in the epilogue by acknowledging that international adoption is waning, and it barely scratches the surface of finding solutions for the survival of the 153 million orphans in the world (per UNICEF).
My other quibble is that most the contributors were affluent and highly educated adoptive parents, mostly living in the New York metropolitan area, which makes sense since it seems she solicited contributions from patients in her NYC practice. That's okay if one recognizes the bias, but it adds to the sense of unbalanced perspective. For my money, the best piece in the book is by Terry Baugh, the founder of KidSave - unsentimental yet hopeful, and openly acknowledging the dark side of adoption.
But I still question the intention of the book. Did Dr. Aronson just feel the need to be a scribe compiling stories she found compelling? It may be that simple. Or did she want to "inspire" more people to adopt? (And given the number of international adoptive families, and the global focus of her foundation, to adopt internationally?) If so, she pulls the rug out from under that notion in the epilogue by acknowledging that international adoption is waning, and it barely scratches the surface of finding solutions for the survival of the 153 million orphans in the world (per UNICEF).
My other quibble is that most the contributors were affluent and highly educated adoptive parents, mostly living in the New York metropolitan area, which makes sense since it seems she solicited contributions from patients in her NYC practice. That's okay if one recognizes the bias, but it adds to the sense of unbalanced perspective. For my money, the best piece in the book is by Terry Baugh, the founder of KidSave - unsentimental yet hopeful, and openly acknowledging the dark side of adoption.
September 29, 2014
It has become very trendy lately to criticize those who adopt internationally, or even those who have a positive word to say about the subject. Those of us who have experienced both the pitfalls and sadness, (as well as the joys) of adding such a child to our families, know what these kids have to look forward to in their own countries if they are not adopted. We know, and many of us have tried to get in between those sad fates and these faultless, beautiful children. (And not for ourselves, but for them.) In many cases, it has cost us more than the cynic appreciates. This book will be a welcome read for those who understand the subject personally, and want to revel in the joys that belong to those who risk their hearts.
November 9, 2013
This book by Dr. Jane Aronson, a well known pediatrician, who specializes in the medical issues of adopted children, is basically a compilation of short (maximum of about 6 pages) essays written primarily by parents who went through the adoption process. The essays are grouped in chapters by different topics like "The Decision", "The Journey" etc. Unfortunately the format was very unsatisfying as it only presents very tiny snippets of the families' experiences and lives. In addition, the upbeat nature of most of the pieces made the book feel like a sales presentation for adoption rather than an honest look at the issues and journey. I was severely disappointed that Dr. Jane Aronson did not present a more honest and direct book about adoption.
June 29, 2013
I actually like Jane Aronson and would probably give this book 2.5 stars if I had the chance. but the book was a letdown, and I truly thought it was just "OK", as the rating suggests. The vignettes in the book are very brief, and I think that providing such tiny glimpses into the world of adoption leaves a lot to be desired. There is very little emotional impact, you don't learn much about the families' personal experiences, etc. I'd much rather read a book by or about each of these families than a few brief paragraphs here and there. This is sad because I waited a long time for my library to purchase this book, then I had to wait for others to read it before me....it was disappointing.
August 6, 2013
A collection of very short vignettes about adoption, chiefly international adoption. The stories are mostly happy ones although there is from time to time mention of struggles and heartbreak. At the end there is some discussion about the problems associated with international adoption today as more and more countries are closing the door because of a few dishonest people. A good book, but perhaps longer sections would have painted a more complete picture.
August 13, 2013
I was really looking forward to this, but it's really just edited by Aronson and is a collection of short, rather shallow essays with a few good ones and a lot of bad ones thrown in. A quick, not that compelling read. Maybe my expectations were too high. The best part was the end piece written by Dr. Aronson about the closing of adoption fields, which did inspire and make you want to do something.
February 2, 2013
I was very disappointed with how short each story was and honestly even though there may have been several stories for one person in different chapters I was still left wanting more. I needed more than 2 pages to be fully introduced to a family/person's story then jump to the next person. It felt like a book version of speed dating. Great stories, just too short.
February 5, 2019
This book brought so much insight into the world of international adoption. Beautiful stories from REAL people! First of many adoption books I plan on reading. I could read this a million times over.
May 23, 2014
I had really requested this book b/c this author is a very well-known adoption doctor and so I kind of thought it was more about her (I thought the entire title was just Carried in Our Hearts), but once I got the book itself, I realized it’s just a compilation of adoption stories. Oh well, it was still interesting.
It is a compilation of stories from many international adoptive families, divided and organized into about 6 categories such as: waiting, meeting each other, coming home and getting acclimated, etc. The tales are heartwarming indeed and you walk away thinking, “Gee, this is really a book of how ordinary people can do extraordinary things.” Really. And I am including the adoptive children in this assessment. These kids do completely extraordinary things in being uprooted, in many cases, multiple times (first from birth family, then to an orphanage or foster family, sometimes another transition or two in there even before being adopted, then adopted into [hopefully] a forever family). Kids are so brave and your heart really breaks when you start to think about what these kids go through.
On the other hand, I do think the book has some weaknesses. Not surprisingly, the book draws heavily from Dr. Aronson’s patient lists, so that means the families skew heavily Northeastern/New Yorkers, WEALTHY (if not wealthy, certainly not lacking in financial means), and (in many cases) Jewish. So it’s not really a representative sample of what American international adoption looks like. It is just one snapshot of what SOME adoptive families look like. Nothing wrong with this, just something to keep in mind while reading, I believe.
It also does not focus on long-term acclimation, attachment, etc. Therefore, I think it in some ways paints adoption superficially as “feel-good.”
Lastly, I think the main strength (or the most salient “take-away” for me personally) was only touched upon a bit in Dr. Aronson’s summary at the end. In it, she talks about how the face of international adoption in the US has changed so radically since its height in 2004. Since then, many countries have closed and the entire “operation” has contracted severely. She even has had to reduce her patient days from 5 to 3, b/c the demand is just not there anymore. The effect of the Hague Convention on Adoption cannot be underestimated and, though well-meaning, to introduce transparency, reduce fraud, it had the unintended effect of dampening adoption so heavily that some agencies had to close, some countries had to withdraw from adoptions entirely b/c they were not Hague-compliant, etc. The result? There are still orphans, but they just cannot be adopted. Where are they? Living in group homes, foster homes, orphanages, etc. in their home countires. Adoption people can and do argue and discuss the benefits and downsides of Hague until the cows come home, but Aronson comes down on the side of it being too heavily restrictive. Currently, the only countries that have systemic adoption to the US are China, South Korea, Taiwan, Ethiopia, one more I am forgetting (Colombia?), and the rest are just a few random smatterings, probably arranged privately.
It is a compilation of stories from many international adoptive families, divided and organized into about 6 categories such as: waiting, meeting each other, coming home and getting acclimated, etc. The tales are heartwarming indeed and you walk away thinking, “Gee, this is really a book of how ordinary people can do extraordinary things.” Really. And I am including the adoptive children in this assessment. These kids do completely extraordinary things in being uprooted, in many cases, multiple times (first from birth family, then to an orphanage or foster family, sometimes another transition or two in there even before being adopted, then adopted into [hopefully] a forever family). Kids are so brave and your heart really breaks when you start to think about what these kids go through.
On the other hand, I do think the book has some weaknesses. Not surprisingly, the book draws heavily from Dr. Aronson’s patient lists, so that means the families skew heavily Northeastern/New Yorkers, WEALTHY (if not wealthy, certainly not lacking in financial means), and (in many cases) Jewish. So it’s not really a representative sample of what American international adoption looks like. It is just one snapshot of what SOME adoptive families look like. Nothing wrong with this, just something to keep in mind while reading, I believe.
It also does not focus on long-term acclimation, attachment, etc. Therefore, I think it in some ways paints adoption superficially as “feel-good.”
Lastly, I think the main strength (or the most salient “take-away” for me personally) was only touched upon a bit in Dr. Aronson’s summary at the end. In it, she talks about how the face of international adoption in the US has changed so radically since its height in 2004. Since then, many countries have closed and the entire “operation” has contracted severely. She even has had to reduce her patient days from 5 to 3, b/c the demand is just not there anymore. The effect of the Hague Convention on Adoption cannot be underestimated and, though well-meaning, to introduce transparency, reduce fraud, it had the unintended effect of dampening adoption so heavily that some agencies had to close, some countries had to withdraw from adoptions entirely b/c they were not Hague-compliant, etc. The result? There are still orphans, but they just cannot be adopted. Where are they? Living in group homes, foster homes, orphanages, etc. in their home countires. Adoption people can and do argue and discuss the benefits and downsides of Hague until the cows come home, but Aronson comes down on the side of it being too heavily restrictive. Currently, the only countries that have systemic adoption to the US are China, South Korea, Taiwan, Ethiopia, one more I am forgetting (Colombia?), and the rest are just a few random smatterings, probably arranged privately.
September 28, 2015
I was rather impressed with this book that once I completed it, I mailed the book to a friend who is seriously pursuing adoption in Ethiopia. Along her journey of adopting two boys from Ethiopia, she ran into quite a dead end as only one child in the last 5 months has been adopted from that country. It has been put at almost a standstill since October (which is when I mailed the book to her). Her adoption process has taken off in a completely different direction and different country, and she has been given a renewed vision of hope - and I'd like to think that I helped in that process somehow.
Regardless, I liked this book because I don't think that we truly understand the depth, emotions, and trials that go into adoption. It can be a lengthier, more costly, more emotional process than pregnancy. And while each family has their own reasons for choosing to adopt - this book really helped me to become more open-minded about those families who chose to adopt in different countries than the United States. It didn't necessarily give me the burning desire to apply and expand our family to include another baby/toddler from abroad (I believe that it's all about timing - right place, right time - and when you are meant to adopt, you will just "know"). But it did give me an added respect for those who chose this path and give children a rich opportunity to grow up with means that they never would have experienced in their homelands.
(Side note: If you want to hear an absolutely amazing story about adoption look up Jessica Long - the Paralympics Swimmer who was adopted from Russia. During the 2014 Sochi Olympics they did a special on her story that just brought tears to my eyes, and this story seriously almost convinced me to go to Russia and adopt a baby of my own from there).
Regardless, I liked this book because I don't think that we truly understand the depth, emotions, and trials that go into adoption. It can be a lengthier, more costly, more emotional process than pregnancy. And while each family has their own reasons for choosing to adopt - this book really helped me to become more open-minded about those families who chose to adopt in different countries than the United States. It didn't necessarily give me the burning desire to apply and expand our family to include another baby/toddler from abroad (I believe that it's all about timing - right place, right time - and when you are meant to adopt, you will just "know"). But it did give me an added respect for those who chose this path and give children a rich opportunity to grow up with means that they never would have experienced in their homelands.
(Side note: If you want to hear an absolutely amazing story about adoption look up Jessica Long - the Paralympics Swimmer who was adopted from Russia. During the 2014 Sochi Olympics they did a special on her story that just brought tears to my eyes, and this story seriously almost convinced me to go to Russia and adopt a baby of my own from there).
February 13, 2017
This was one of my most favorite adoption related books I have ever read. The pieces were short and many of them were entertaining and informative. Also, most of the pieces were free from cliches (something that similar books are prone to). I enjoyed the occasional comments by the editor and the bright and beautifully written epilogue. By the way, I was amazed by how many of the pieces have humor in the narrations, something that is missing in many of the similar books. I strongly recommend this book to waiting parents, as it brings hope and helps them keep moving.
June 14, 2013
Having a friend who has adopted three children and has went through one bad adoption (agency they thought was credible was in fact false), this book hit home for me. I have always thought about adopting, with so many children out there already who deserve to be loved.
This book pulls the heart string of every parent, and would-be parent. With it's poignant reminders that adoption is hard; not just on the parents and children, but everyone involved. Good or bad, happy and sad, this book shows the ins and outs of adopting a child.
Showing it's not "done" even after the adoption is finished is another heart tugging aspect of this book. There are check-ups and such that must be done over a period of time. Once again the beauty and devastation are depicted wonderfully with each story told.
I love that this book has stories from different perspectives, as it really allows the reader to grasp that just like children, not every adoption is the same. It's not a cut and dry process all the time, there is so much more than most people realize.
Two thumbs up for this book (5 stars)! I am thrilled to have read this book and honored that I could read something so raw and heartfelt.
***Complimentary product received in exchange for an honest review-Review written by Steph for New Age Mama***
July 7, 2013
I greatly appreciated this book because it forced me to think about the reality that my child might come from a truly miserable place. I’m not even a parent yet, and I don’t like to think of my kids suffering, especially when I’m not there to comfort and love them. At the same time, hearing the stories of children who were condemned to certain diseases by doctors in their country making full recoveries when their parents fetch them is truly inspiring. Aronson often told parents not to be afraid to take the child they were referred because of a diagnosis—you never know what the true state of it is until you get there, and often the children recovered just fine.
These stories really run the gamut of parents who had wonderfully, miraculously easy adoptions to those who struggled through every inch of the paperwork pile and jumped through every hoop. Some stories also addressed an issue I personally worry about: attachment. What happens if my child and I just don’t like each other? What if we drive each other crazy? What if I don’t know what to say? How does an introvert like me cross the bridge from stranger to family? I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has these fears. And sometimes that happens, but it is possible to love each other despite attachment issues.
These stories really run the gamut of parents who had wonderfully, miraculously easy adoptions to those who struggled through every inch of the paperwork pile and jumped through every hoop. Some stories also addressed an issue I personally worry about: attachment. What happens if my child and I just don’t like each other? What if we drive each other crazy? What if I don’t know what to say? How does an introvert like me cross the bridge from stranger to family? I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has these fears. And sometimes that happens, but it is possible to love each other despite attachment issues.
May 30, 2013
I really liked this book. It never gets old hearing about how others came to the decision to adopt and fell in love with their children. It always draws me back to those moments in my life, both as the adoptive mom but also as a birthmom.
While the main focus is international adoption, there are a few essays with domestic. The only drawback would be that there aren't any essays by birth parents. I realize that the focus is on the areas of adoption that adoptive parents face, but it would have been a nice addition, especially since there were essays by the adoptees as well as moms and dads. The essays that mentioned birthmoms did so with grace, love, and respect which was very nice.
While the main focus is international adoption, there are a few essays with domestic. The only drawback would be that there aren't any essays by birth parents. I realize that the focus is on the areas of adoption that adoptive parents face, but it would have been a nice addition, especially since there were essays by the adoptees as well as moms and dads. The essays that mentioned birthmoms did so with grace, love, and respect which was very nice.
April 21, 2016
Highly enjoyable, and I hope Dr. Aronson _does_ edit a book of adoptees speaking about their journeys as well! Wonderfully diverse stories from all walks of life and with all kinds of motivations. Fantastic! Aronson does a great job of relating these poignant stories, and also points out that the ultimate, long-term answer is not individual adoptions. Very good at raising awareness and a reader's consciousness!
I had to check out this book 3 different times over the course of 3 years to finally finish it (my life got in the way, it's not an intimidating read), but it was well worth the effort and wait!
I had to check out this book 3 different times over the course of 3 years to finally finish it (my life got in the way, it's not an intimidating read), but it was well worth the effort and wait!
May 15, 2013
I enjoyed reading the family stories of the forever families in this book.
I did not realize so many children have been adopted from Ethiopia in recent years, so I enjoyed learning all about that.
As a nurse I wanted to read about the health and emotional issues involved in international adoptons, and it was somewhat covered in some of the stories.
I especially liked Melissa Faye Greene's beautiful essay about one of her sons and now am going to read some of her books.
I did not realize so many children have been adopted from Ethiopia in recent years, so I enjoyed learning all about that.
As a nurse I wanted to read about the health and emotional issues involved in international adoptons, and it was somewhat covered in some of the stories.
I especially liked Melissa Faye Greene's beautiful essay about one of her sons and now am going to read some of her books.
May 26, 2013
As someone who hopes to adopt a little girl internationally someday I loved reading these short snippets into others adoption experiences. They are each short but shared so much about the excitement and joy, frustration and heartache that can come with adoption. I love the idea of being carried in the heart and not in the tummy!
February 23, 2016
The book is divided into sections: 1) The Decision; 2) The Journey; 3) The Moment We Met; 4) Early Challenges; 5) Becoming a Family; 6) A New Life; 7) Reflections - Children Tell Their Own Adoption Stories; and 8) The Children Left Behind.
There were two passages that were especially meaningful to me and I've copied them into my journal entries and sent copies to Mary.
There were two passages that were especially meaningful to me and I've copied them into my journal entries and sent copies to Mary.
June 10, 2013
Wonderful, heartwarming insight into the lives of the people who have the courage and conviction to adopt children from other countries and cultures. The author is an adoptive pediatrician with much personal and professional experience in this area.
July 30, 2013
Touching, honest stories of adoption from the search to the growing up to the ones left behind. It needs to be read in small doses to truly process each story, but I'm richer for having read it.
Read
May 26, 2013This is very highly recommended. Just be prepared to have your heart ripped out a few times, but also to laugh unexpectedly and loudly.
June 27, 2013
Interesting stories but not enough included about each family
September 28, 2013
It gave me an insight to how adoption really is. How it changes life. I like how the individual stories are compiled together. It's heart warming. It's touching and sweet.
March 9, 2015
Loving glimpses into families' international adoption experiences.
Want to read
October 5, 2014Per Adoptive Families magazine
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews