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Half Moon Chambers
A cop and a recovering addict – no chance for romance there.
Yet Vince, a street-hardened narcotics officer, is having to reassess his life. Six months ago, he hit rock-bottom. A bullet brought him down, and his beloved partner Jack betrayed him. Badly disabled and in constant pain, Vince is flying a desk these days, and it doesn't suit him at all. His world is looking grim when he meets Rowan Clyde, sole surviving witness to a vicious drugs-related killing.
Rowan doesn't want to talk. He's vulnerable, trying to hold his own life together in the wake of a crippling addiction. Vince should have no time for him, and Rowan certainly shouldn't trust a cop with an agenda to get him onto the witness stand at any cost.
Yet despite their differences, there's an instant pull of attraction between these two damaged men. Their new bond is put to the ultimate test on the tough streets of Newcastle during a dark northern winter, as each turns out to hold the keys to the other's survival – and to his destruction.
Yet Vince, a street-hardened narcotics officer, is having to reassess his life. Six months ago, he hit rock-bottom. A bullet brought him down, and his beloved partner Jack betrayed him. Badly disabled and in constant pain, Vince is flying a desk these days, and it doesn't suit him at all. His world is looking grim when he meets Rowan Clyde, sole surviving witness to a vicious drugs-related killing.
Rowan doesn't want to talk. He's vulnerable, trying to hold his own life together in the wake of a crippling addiction. Vince should have no time for him, and Rowan certainly shouldn't trust a cop with an agenda to get him onto the witness stand at any cost.
Yet despite their differences, there's an instant pull of attraction between these two damaged men. Their new bond is put to the ultimate test on the tough streets of Newcastle during a dark northern winter, as each turns out to hold the keys to the other's survival – and to his destruction.
176 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 8, 2012
28 people are currently reading
1007 people want to read
About the author
Harper Fox
58 books1,177 followersHarper Fox is an M/M author with a mission. She’s produced six critically acclaimed novels in a year and is trying to dispel rumours that she has a clone/twin sister locked away in a study in her basement. In fact she simply continues working on what she loves best– creating worlds and stories for the huge cast of lovely gay men queuing up inside her head. She lives in rural Northumberland in northern England and does most of her writing at a pensioned-off kitchen table in her back garden, often with blanket and hot water bottle.
She lives with her SO Jane, who has somehow put up with her for a quarter of a century now, and three enigmatic cats, chief among whom is Lucy, who knows the secret of the universe but isn't letting on. When not writing, she either despairs or makes bread, specialities foccacia and her amazing seven-strand challah. If she has any other skills, she's yet to discover them.
She lives with her SO Jane, who has somehow put up with her for a quarter of a century now, and three enigmatic cats, chief among whom is Lucy, who knows the secret of the universe but isn't letting on. When not writing, she either despairs or makes bread, specialities foccacia and her amazing seven-strand challah. If she has any other skills, she's yet to discover them.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 225 reviews
May 30, 2014
lovely, as usual.
but books aren't just lovely prose. they're made of ideas, and the feelings those ideas engender.
when a book gets something wrong—something i know intimately, like the workings of gay butthole, or something i know intellectually, like the workings of crack-cocaine—that wrongness undermines my ability to put faith in all the rest.
in honeyed sunsets, and exes that are sorry they walked away from you, and father figures who don't suck.
people tell me i don't read books like they do, which is true. i do not.
but my problem lately isn't how i read.
it's how i live.
the parts of this i enjoyed, i enjoyed very much. the parts of this i did not enjoy hurt my guts.
two stars, but still: recommended.
hope you enjoy it more than i did.
but books aren't just lovely prose. they're made of ideas, and the feelings those ideas engender.
when a book gets something wrong—something i know intimately, like the workings of gay butthole, or something i know intellectually, like the workings of crack-cocaine—that wrongness undermines my ability to put faith in all the rest.
in honeyed sunsets, and exes that are sorry they walked away from you, and father figures who don't suck.
people tell me i don't read books like they do, which is true. i do not.
but my problem lately isn't how i read.
it's how i live.
the parts of this i enjoyed, i enjoyed very much. the parts of this i did not enjoy hurt my guts.
two stars, but still: recommended.
hope you enjoy it more than i did.
July 31, 2018
Audio 5 stars
Story 4.5 stars
My first Harper Fox book, and I think I need to go on a shopping spree for lots more. Damn that's some beautiful writing!!
I was so ready to complain about the amount of time the MCs spend apart, about how it’s a single POV and we get too much of Vince’s inner thoughts. But I can’t do that, because I fell in love with how Vince and Rowan fell in love. They were an unlikely couple, but perfect for one another. I loved them together.
I will not hold back in complaining on wanting an epilogue though.
Story 4.5 stars
My first Harper Fox book, and I think I need to go on a shopping spree for lots more. Damn that's some beautiful writing!!
I was so ready to complain about the amount of time the MCs spend apart, about how it’s a single POV and we get too much of Vince’s inner thoughts. But I can’t do that, because I fell in love with how Vince and Rowan fell in love. They were an unlikely couple, but perfect for one another. I loved them together.
I will not hold back in complaining on wanting an epilogue though.
September 15, 2017
Wow! i am blown away. What a wonderful book .
This book gets all the stars just for the writing.
I love me some good writing and this is excellent writing. The characters are flawed and well developed, the story is amazing and i was engaged from start to finish.
The fiery drink on an empty stomach was blurring the edges of my world. I allowed myself to picture it--so much of my old life returned to me. Jack's humour and companionship, all that great sex, this time served up with love... It made for a hell of a picture, the cover of a glossy gay lifestyle magazine. We'd be emerging from the registry office, laughing for the cameras, the ink still wet on our civil union paperwork, white roses fresh in our buttonholes
Harper fox...
When not set on self-destruct, his survival instincts were as good as mine: we'd recognised each other, two half-drowned cats in a barrel, caught between sink and swim.
September 27, 2019
I often listen to a great story by an ok narrator. I also often listen to an ok story by a great narrator. Seldom do I get the pleasure of listening to a great story by a great narrator.
Tim Gilbert does a great narration of this wonderful story of real life, real struggles and a real HEA.
Harper Fox created beautifully flawed characters. So real you'll want to reach out and hug them.
Lots of hearts and stars for this one. 💖
Tim Gilbert does a great narration of this wonderful story of real life, real struggles and a real HEA.
Harper Fox created beautifully flawed characters. So real you'll want to reach out and hug them.
Lots of hearts and stars for this one. 💖
December 2, 2012
Among my friends this is an even split between DNF and five stars: for me this was a 4. I really, really, liked it.
Yes, it's formulaic; yes, there's two broken MCs; yes, Fox puts more effort into describing the quality of light in the sky than in her actual characters: don't care. Lovely.
Yes, it's formulaic; yes, there's two broken MCs; yes, Fox puts more effort into describing the quality of light in the sky than in her actual characters: don't care. Lovely.
September 19, 2013
Well, Half Moon Chambers is a former DNF - I deleted my negative review and now I`m trying to figure out what the Hell happened to completely change my mind.
The culprits are two previously read books - My Cowboy Heart by Z.A. and Brothers Of The Wild North Sea by Harper - and my back!
The couple in Chambers reminded me of Malloy and Crispin from My Cowboy Heart - a big plus, and I really liked Harpers prose in North Sea, it fit there to a T. In comparison to that book the prose in Chambers was toned down and there went my complaint about it being purplish. From annoying to appealing...
And most important - my back did hurt as I read the book (It still does, just sayin`...).
Vince - first person POV - has a bullet lodged in his back and lives in constant pain. On top of that he`s kind of an accident prone and has a knack for making it worse all the time - what made me feel better.
How he managed to fall in love, have passionate sex, and solve a case in that condition was ENVIABLE! I didn`t find him annoying like the first time I read this - he whined and moaned and complained, well, yes, of course he did, that HURTS damnit!! Means - I could relate and just wanted to hug him - or smack him for pulling stunts that just made me shake my head...MEN!!
There is a certain testosterone level required for climbing twenty storys up (with the help of Rowan who could show Vince on that occasion that he`s not so frail as he looks...tseh...romance authors!) to your flat in the clouds when you had a shitty day, hurt like hell and the elevator`s broken. The other half of the human population (those with the oestrogenes) would call a taxi, spend the night in a nice hotel and send the bill to the landlord.
Cutting this short now - I had a great time reading this story, even the chemistry between Vince and Rowan was suddenly there.
Sometimes it really just depends on a reader`s mood (or health*g*) if they like/feel a story or not.
The culprits are two previously read books - My Cowboy Heart by Z.A. and Brothers Of The Wild North Sea by Harper - and my back!
The couple in Chambers reminded me of Malloy and Crispin from My Cowboy Heart - a big plus, and I really liked Harpers prose in North Sea, it fit there to a T. In comparison to that book the prose in Chambers was toned down and there went my complaint about it being purplish. From annoying to appealing...
And most important - my back did hurt as I read the book (It still does, just sayin`...).
Vince - first person POV - has a bullet lodged in his back and lives in constant pain. On top of that he`s kind of an accident prone and has a knack for making it worse all the time - what made me feel better.
How he managed to fall in love, have passionate sex, and solve a case in that condition was ENVIABLE! I didn`t find him annoying like the first time I read this - he whined and moaned and complained, well, yes, of course he did, that HURTS damnit!! Means - I could relate and just wanted to hug him - or smack him for pulling stunts that just made me shake my head...MEN!!
There is a certain testosterone level required for climbing twenty storys up (with the help of Rowan who could show Vince on that occasion that he`s not so frail as he looks...tseh...romance authors!) to your flat in the clouds when you had a shitty day, hurt like hell and the elevator`s broken. The other half of the human population (those with the oestrogenes) would call a taxi, spend the night in a nice hotel and send the bill to the landlord.
Cutting this short now - I had a great time reading this story, even the chemistry between Vince and Rowan was suddenly there.
Sometimes it really just depends on a reader`s mood (or health*g*) if they like/feel a story or not.
January 12, 2013
Harper Fox has a way about her writing: she can make anything beautiful…and she seems to choose broken people, mired in hopelessness, intertwines these depressing situations with her lyrical prose and makes something…LOVELY.
What I like best about her books: her couples LOVE desperately and deeply.
In all honesty, Half Moon Chambers is essentially the same book as Scrap Metal: broken MC1 meets broken MC2 (this one w/ a secret), fall in love (gorgeously), exquisite descriptions of everything around them, handsome ex-boyfriend comes into the mix, a little danger, a little intrigue, and a love that conquers all…strong in character and setting, weaker in story and plot.
But, I loved it. It works…the way Harper Fox writes It, it works fabulously…
Vince and Rowan…their lives were so sad…but they found a way to bring healing to one another. Two imperfect people forging a beautiful bond…
I don’t think her style is for everyone. Some may find her overly verbose. Some may find the lyrical style cheesy. Some may not be able to look past the holes in her story. But as for me…I’m a fan.
August 20, 2022
Re-read May 2018 - audiobook
Still awesome and a really great narration by Tim Gilbert.
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Re-read March 2017 with Christelle, Natalie, and Daphne
I still love this book as much as the first time!!!
Thank you, ladies, for reading this with me and thank you, Karen, for providing very yummy visuals :)
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A get-well gift from the best cyber-momma ever! Thank you so much, Karen :)
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I loved this so much!! Great book and highly recommended!
This was my first book by Harper Fox and the writing is beautiful and exceptional! It had me captivated from beginning to end.
Thank you, momma Karen ~hugs~
Still awesome and a really great narration by Tim Gilbert.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Re-read March 2017 with Christelle, Natalie, and Daphne
I still love this book as much as the first time!!!
Thank you, ladies, for reading this with me and thank you, Karen, for providing very yummy visuals :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A get-well gift from the best cyber-momma ever! Thank you so much, Karen :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I loved this so much!! Great book and highly recommended!
This was my first book by Harper Fox and the writing is beautiful and exceptional! It had me captivated from beginning to end.
Thank you, momma Karen ~hugs~
October 24, 2021
This book is short, so I read it because it fits my time now. 🥲🥲
That's the reasom why I picked it up but the story gave me a punch that I wasn't expecting. THIS SHIT IS DEEP!!!!! 😲😲
Vince was so thoroughly hurt, physically and mentally, that it was pure agony to read him sometimes, at the beginning when shit went down I felt that he couldn't deal with anything because it was all too much, the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, the fear.
Then we skip to several months later and he is a little better, but his life changed so much that he was never gonna be the same, EVERRRR!!! And that's when he meets Rowan, such a lovely soul he is. The love was a little insta but it's a short book so it didn't bother me and the crime aspect was done slower, so I think at the end it was well balanced.
Spoilers in the paragraph ahead:
I wish he had stayed with his issues though, I think that the fact that he had a surgery and bum, he can do everything again, was too Disney for my tastes.
But the rest? GOLD!!! 🥰🥰
That's the reasom why I picked it up but the story gave me a punch that I wasn't expecting. THIS SHIT IS DEEP!!!!! 😲😲
Vince was so thoroughly hurt, physically and mentally, that it was pure agony to read him sometimes, at the beginning when shit went down I felt that he couldn't deal with anything because it was all too much, the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, the fear.
Then we skip to several months later and he is a little better, but his life changed so much that he was never gonna be the same, EVERRRR!!! And that's when he meets Rowan, such a lovely soul he is. The love was a little insta but it's a short book so it didn't bother me and the crime aspect was done slower, so I think at the end it was well balanced.
Spoilers in the paragraph ahead:
I wish he had stayed with his issues though, I think that the fact that he had a surgery and bum, he can do everything again, was too Disney for my tastes.
But the rest? GOLD!!! 🥰🥰
Read
November 10, 2012Oh no why does ones expectations seem to get crushed when they least expect it? Mine were dashed almost immediately, the writing style oddly not what I thought it would turn out to be, different, maybe trying too hard? I don't know, at times it was flat and nothing like the author's previous works which I loved and are always fascinating and moved me emotionally. I wanted more grit and lots more chemistry, the MC's didn't grab me and I couldn't see what they saw in each other, it wasn't engaging or interesting enough, and the sex was uninspiring. Plus all the other peeves that got in the way of my enjoyment. I so wanted to love it but I couldn't, this is the first book by the author that I haven't liked. I am so disappointed......
December 13, 2012
Harper Fox is an auto-buy author for me, although not all her books necessarily hit five stars. This one did - I think because I felt completely immersed in the narrator, Vince. I saw what he saw, felt the pain, was bemused and distracted by the memories, and enchanted by the visions of Rowan, painting as he danced. There were lines of description that struck me hard with the very rightness of the phrasing, and the MCs were imperfect men with hurts and reservations, doing their best. The plot was workable, and I have a soft spot for cops and mysteries, and hurt-comfort. This is a book I read in one fell swoop, start to finish, and will reread the same way someday.
April 9, 2018
Review updated on 9th April 2018 after rereading the novel
I stumbled upon this novel at the end of the summer after reading Harper Fox's Seven Summer Nights and I was curious to read another of her books. When I read the synopsis for Half Moon Chambers, I thought it was just perfect. The story is set in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne and that was exactly where I was going to spend a few days. The stars were aligned!
What can I say about this book? It's just gorgeous - the writing is so carefully done, involving and interesting that I found it hard to put it down. Although it may appear to be a bit tropey - with two broken and complex MCs looking for redemption and salvation in each other - Half Moon Chambers never feels fake or cheap and there's a sense of sensuality and comfort attached to the story of Rowan and Vince that really dragged me into the book. I really wanted them to be okay by the end of the novel and, although there's no unnecessary or excessive cheerfulness in the conclusion, my wish was amply met.
The setting also is just amazing. I love Newcastle and I'm getting to know it quite well (my partner is a Geordie 'bonny lad' and we go visit his family regularly). The town is so fascinating and intriguing. I love the razor-sharp winds, the smell of salt in the air, its look that is at the same time grand and dilapidated, tough and welcoming. These contrasting aspects are perfectly reflected in the complex painting that Harper Fox creates for her characters and their inner struggles.
I've taken some pictures of the Half Moon Chambers as it looks now (run down but still attractively atmospheric and it's so easy to imagine Rowan living in one of the turrets surrounded by his astonishing mural paintings...). If you're curious to see them, you can check them out on my Flickr account: here and here's one of them:
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Another beautiful read by this excellent author!
I stumbled upon this novel at the end of the summer after reading Harper Fox's Seven Summer Nights and I was curious to read another of her books. When I read the synopsis for Half Moon Chambers, I thought it was just perfect. The story is set in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne and that was exactly where I was going to spend a few days. The stars were aligned!
What can I say about this book? It's just gorgeous - the writing is so carefully done, involving and interesting that I found it hard to put it down. Although it may appear to be a bit tropey - with two broken and complex MCs looking for redemption and salvation in each other - Half Moon Chambers never feels fake or cheap and there's a sense of sensuality and comfort attached to the story of Rowan and Vince that really dragged me into the book. I really wanted them to be okay by the end of the novel and, although there's no unnecessary or excessive cheerfulness in the conclusion, my wish was amply met.
The setting also is just amazing. I love Newcastle and I'm getting to know it quite well (my partner is a Geordie 'bonny lad' and we go visit his family regularly). The town is so fascinating and intriguing. I love the razor-sharp winds, the smell of salt in the air, its look that is at the same time grand and dilapidated, tough and welcoming. These contrasting aspects are perfectly reflected in the complex painting that Harper Fox creates for her characters and their inner struggles.
I've taken some pictures of the Half Moon Chambers as it looks now (run down but still attractively atmospheric and it's so easy to imagine Rowan living in one of the turrets surrounded by his astonishing mural paintings...). If you're curious to see them, you can check them out on my Flickr account: here and here's one of them:
[image error]
">Another beautiful read by this excellent author!
January 5, 2022
I am years late to this party since I have recently begun reading Harper Fox and was not aware of this ongoing discussion over her writing style. Some MM readers think it has a class of its own; others call it too lyrical.
But, I don't care If...
a.Her flawed MCs always have insta connection.
b.She writes paragraphs detailing the atmospheric setting And beauty of a place.
c.If sometimes some of her characters/plots feel too unreal.
See, I believe we read different authors for different reasons. We don't want these authors to keep writing the same stuff but we still want the sense of comfort from their writing. So, I don't have any issue if most of Harper Fox's books are about two lost MCs finding each other after an angst-filled story.
As for this one, I was halfway through the 175-pages when I decided to give it 4+ stars. No, not for the romance but I was too invested in the story of Vince, the narcotic officer who lost everything within a few hours. I liked that we got to meet Vince before and after the accident. I feel more connected with him after seeing this ambitious, arrogant man turn into someone too broken to live.
Within two months, this is my 4th successful read by the author and I am already halfway through her next book. So, it seems I like reading Harper Fox's proxy writing(is it even a word🤔🤔)
But, I don't care If...
a.Her flawed MCs always have insta connection.
b.She writes paragraphs detailing the atmospheric setting And beauty of a place.
c.If sometimes some of her characters/plots feel too unreal.
See, I believe we read different authors for different reasons. We don't want these authors to keep writing the same stuff but we still want the sense of comfort from their writing. So, I don't have any issue if most of Harper Fox's books are about two lost MCs finding each other after an angst-filled story.
As for this one, I was halfway through the 175-pages when I decided to give it 4+ stars. No, not for the romance but I was too invested in the story of Vince, the narcotic officer who lost everything within a few hours. I liked that we got to meet Vince before and after the accident. I feel more connected with him after seeing this ambitious, arrogant man turn into someone too broken to live.
Within two months, this is my 4th successful read by the author and I am already halfway through her next book. So, it seems I like reading Harper Fox's proxy writing(is it even a word🤔🤔)
September 13, 2020
It's a good book, but it left me a little confused.
My confusion is primarily due to the conflicting emotions experienced by the heroes of this story. On the one hand, Vince and Rowan are drawn to each other right from the start. They also very quickly start talking about much deeper feelings, even about love. As for me a bit too quickly, I haven't found such deep feelings in their relationship yet. On the other hand, they both act a bit weird. It's not even like they fight this feeling, which would be understandable. I don't think I can properly define what is happening in their relationship. But there's this pushing and pulling that leaves me confused about what Vince and Rowan actually want and expect.
It's a pity, because Vince and Rowan are very interesting and multi-dimensional characters that I read about with real pleasure. I have a great weakness for tortured heroes with a tragic past, and here we have two of them. I like the way Vince's disability is presented and his path to overcoming chronic pain. And I like the way Rowan cares for him and helps him face his demons. In general, Rowan is also a character that I really liked. I really wish their emotions were less confusing to the reader, even if they are not clear to them.
The whole story is fine. Nothing very surprising, but it's a solid story that kept me interested. Maybe I even regret a little that this is a stand-alone book. Because now, after a few days, I would like to see Vince and Rowan again, as side characters this time.
My confusion is primarily due to the conflicting emotions experienced by the heroes of this story. On the one hand, Vince and Rowan are drawn to each other right from the start. They also very quickly start talking about much deeper feelings, even about love. As for me a bit too quickly, I haven't found such deep feelings in their relationship yet. On the other hand, they both act a bit weird. It's not even like they fight this feeling, which would be understandable. I don't think I can properly define what is happening in their relationship. But there's this pushing and pulling that leaves me confused about what Vince and Rowan actually want and expect.
It's a pity, because Vince and Rowan are very interesting and multi-dimensional characters that I read about with real pleasure. I have a great weakness for tortured heroes with a tragic past, and here we have two of them. I like the way Vince's disability is presented and his path to overcoming chronic pain. And I like the way Rowan cares for him and helps him face his demons. In general, Rowan is also a character that I really liked. I really wish their emotions were less confusing to the reader, even if they are not clear to them.
The whole story is fine. Nothing very surprising, but it's a solid story that kept me interested. Maybe I even regret a little that this is a stand-alone book. Because now, after a few days, I would like to see Vince and Rowan again, as side characters this time.
November 29, 2012
British and Brilliant.
Simply put, I loved this story. Cop Vince narrates the story with a cool, blunt efficiency and a twist of color that makes him a unique character. He’s tough, he’s hardened, yet, after getting shot in a failed drugs bust, he shows us he’s vulnerable too – and somehow, seeing him cope and overcome his pain made him an even tougher character, in my opinion.
Artist and recovering addict Rowan Clyde is deep in the shitter – though this only comes out gradually as the story rises to the climax – yet he manages to be such a beacon of light in this story, and I found his attraction to Vince compelling and, like his works of art, beautiful and erotic.
I love the flawed characters and the mystery elements of this story, and, gah, I was so swept up in the characters that I barely put the book down—and when I did, I did so with reluctance.
Do I really have to wait months for the next Harper Fox release? I’m going to be quite impatient about it, in fact, like Rowan, I seem to have become deeply addicted and I don’t think it’s something I’ll recover from.
I recommend this story to those who like a gritty, well-written story with a crime-suspense flavor to it.
Hurry on up with the writing, Mrs. Fox, I need my next story fix.
Simply put, I loved this story. Cop Vince narrates the story with a cool, blunt efficiency and a twist of color that makes him a unique character. He’s tough, he’s hardened, yet, after getting shot in a failed drugs bust, he shows us he’s vulnerable too – and somehow, seeing him cope and overcome his pain made him an even tougher character, in my opinion.
Artist and recovering addict Rowan Clyde is deep in the shitter – though this only comes out gradually as the story rises to the climax – yet he manages to be such a beacon of light in this story, and I found his attraction to Vince compelling and, like his works of art, beautiful and erotic.
I love the flawed characters and the mystery elements of this story, and, gah, I was so swept up in the characters that I barely put the book down—and when I did, I did so with reluctance.
Do I really have to wait months for the next Harper Fox release? I’m going to be quite impatient about it, in fact, like Rowan, I seem to have become deeply addicted and I don’t think it’s something I’ll recover from.
I recommend this story to those who like a gritty, well-written story with a crime-suspense flavor to it.
Hurry on up with the writing, Mrs. Fox, I need my next story fix.
November 11, 2012
Well, I love Harper Fox’s writing style- yes, it did seem strangely clunky at first and took me a while to make a connection with the narrator, Vince, who seemed distant and cool. But at the 40% mark the pace picked up. As Vince’s controlled, well ordered life starts to unravel and well, fall to pieces actually, he becomes more vulnerable and touchingly human. I have always had a soft spot for broken, wounded MC’s and loved the way he is utterly overwhelmed by Rowan’s warmth and vitality and quiet strength. Their slow burn relationship is cautious and tentatively hopeful and seemed very real. Both are so messed up, but perfect for each other.
Fox’s lyrical style wove wonderful imagery of the city of Newcastle a place teeming with history, where beauty can still be found, and made, in and amongst the squalor and crime. A lot of boxes ticked… hurt/comfort, broken and scarred MCs, themes of redemption and courage and hope, not to mention a cracking crime plot. ;-P
Just what I was in the mood for.
Loved it!
Fox’s lyrical style wove wonderful imagery of the city of Newcastle a place teeming with history, where beauty can still be found, and made, in and amongst the squalor and crime. A lot of boxes ticked… hurt/comfort, broken and scarred MCs, themes of redemption and courage and hope, not to mention a cracking crime plot. ;-P
Just what I was in the mood for.
Loved it!
February 7, 2017
My emotions!
October 23, 2015
3.5 stars
Harper Fox has this way of writing dark books. The characters are troubled, but not without hope.
Vince, a narcotic officer, is in love with his partner on the force, Jack. But he knows it’s just sex for Jack.
When a bust goes wrong and Vince gets shot, Jack runs away instead of helping Vince.
Vince has to learn how to walk again and there is still a bullet in his back. To operate could mean he can never walk again, or he could fully recover. He hasn’t decided yet and lives with the constant pain until he can make a decision.
He is sent out to question a witness of a shooting. The witness, Rowan, doesn’t want to talk and refuses to testify. But Vince and Rowan keep running into each other and it is obvious there is a strong attraction.
They start a tentative relationship, but Rowan has some secrets and Vince has enough to deal with on his own.
This book felt dark and could not be called fluffy for a second. The romance is not a sweet one, but I wouldn’t call it an angsty one either. It just is what it is, two broken souls trying to find comfort and eventually love with each other.
Harper Fox has this way of writing dark books. The characters are troubled, but not without hope.
Vince, a narcotic officer, is in love with his partner on the force, Jack. But he knows it’s just sex for Jack.
When a bust goes wrong and Vince gets shot, Jack runs away instead of helping Vince.
Vince has to learn how to walk again and there is still a bullet in his back. To operate could mean he can never walk again, or he could fully recover. He hasn’t decided yet and lives with the constant pain until he can make a decision.
He is sent out to question a witness of a shooting. The witness, Rowan, doesn’t want to talk and refuses to testify. But Vince and Rowan keep running into each other and it is obvious there is a strong attraction.
They start a tentative relationship, but Rowan has some secrets and Vince has enough to deal with on his own.
This book felt dark and could not be called fluffy for a second. The romance is not a sweet one, but I wouldn’t call it an angsty one either. It just is what it is, two broken souls trying to find comfort and eventually love with each other.
April 10, 2021
My first re-read. And I am happy I re-read this one.
4 stars audio
4 stars story, because ,,,single POV.
4 stars audio
4 stars story, because ,,,single POV.
February 12, 2021
Really enjoyed this one. Excellent characters, amazing writing and edge of your seat action all made it a complete winner for me. The reader, Tim Gilbert, was new to me but his voice performance was the icing on a fabulously rich cake. ❤
July 12, 2020
I enjoyed the emotion in this one, and I thought the plot was pretty creative. There were no huge surprises, but there were lots of exciting bits.
Audio performed by Tim Gilbert who's voices I always like, and he even does a really fine "American" accent.
Audio performed by Tim Gilbert who's voices I always like, and he even does a really fine "American" accent.
September 15, 2013
What a gorgeous book.
Okay, so, I'll be the first to admit, I am not sure why I bought this book. Lawd knows cop stories ain't my thing. BUT... Harper Fox? She is so my thing. So I probably bought this because I've always loved her voice. But since I downloaded it in epub???? it got opened in ibooks instead of kindle and I completely forgot about it. I found it this weekend, so yay! Book!
Harper Fox's voice is not for everyone. Unlike much of the popular M/M market, she has a much more literary style, even when chasing baddies and drug dealers etc. etc. So she took a storyline which would honestly not usually appeal to me, and she made it bleak and beautiful and full of all this existential (and yes, y'all, I'm talking in the Sartrian sense here) observation.
The sartrian stuff: Okay, so here's a quote from old Jean-Paul himself "...man first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world – and defines himself afterwards." THIS is Vince's story. Right there. He exists (and is injured), encounters himself through Rowan's eyes and art, surges up in the world (NO SPOILERS) and defines himself afterward.
There is a scene in this book where Vince finds Rowan's sketches and sees himself through the eyes of someone who loves him. And it's a shocking moment for him because he's sort of detached from his own sense of worth since he was shot, and now he is seeing his worth sketched out by the man he loves. And it's beautiful.
The suspense plot was pretty good, and I really didn't get how either of our guys were going to be heroes until they both were and it was great!
(And the sexy stuff was pretty hot.)
I would recommend for fans of rom-suspense, anyone who likes more dense, literary writing, and those who don't mind a bit of philosophy slipped in between the pages of their sexy reads.
Okay, so, I'll be the first to admit, I am not sure why I bought this book. Lawd knows cop stories ain't my thing. BUT... Harper Fox? She is so my thing. So I probably bought this because I've always loved her voice. But since I downloaded it in epub???? it got opened in ibooks instead of kindle and I completely forgot about it. I found it this weekend, so yay! Book!
Harper Fox's voice is not for everyone. Unlike much of the popular M/M market, she has a much more literary style, even when chasing baddies and drug dealers etc. etc. So she took a storyline which would honestly not usually appeal to me, and she made it bleak and beautiful and full of all this existential (and yes, y'all, I'm talking in the Sartrian sense here) observation.
The sartrian stuff: Okay, so here's a quote from old Jean-Paul himself "...man first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world – and defines himself afterwards." THIS is Vince's story. Right there. He exists (and is injured), encounters himself through Rowan's eyes and art, surges up in the world (NO SPOILERS) and defines himself afterward.
There is a scene in this book where Vince finds Rowan's sketches and sees himself through the eyes of someone who loves him. And it's a shocking moment for him because he's sort of detached from his own sense of worth since he was shot, and now he is seeing his worth sketched out by the man he loves. And it's beautiful.
The suspense plot was pretty good, and I really didn't get how either of our guys were going to be heroes until they both were and it was great!
(And the sexy stuff was pretty hot.)
I would recommend for fans of rom-suspense, anyone who likes more dense, literary writing, and those who don't mind a bit of philosophy slipped in between the pages of their sexy reads.
November 27, 2012
Man, I love Harper Fox's lyrical, soulful writing. She also always manages to surprise me. Because of the title I was expecting something entirely different — something close to the In Search of Saints, maybe? But what I got was a beautiful, painful journey through an asphalt jungle. An adventure equal to climbing a mountain.
The thing I deeply admire about Harper Fox's writing is her ability to portray surroundings in such a vivid and emotional way. In Scrap Metal it was the gorgeously rough Scottish landscape and weather, but she does it as beautifully with the city view, the pavement and the buildings! I find myself reading her poetical sentences over and over again and enjoying their pure beauty. Her sentences are like powerful brush strokes that leave colorful, vibrant lines on the canvas. If this book was a painting I would hang it above my bed and lose myself in it every night.
I recommend this book also because of its characters. They are put through struggle, they learn from their mistakes and they have their hearts in the right place. These men sound, look, taste and smell like real life, but when they are together inside the walls of the Half Moon Chambers, those moments appear to be almost magical.
Five shining stars.
The thing I deeply admire about Harper Fox's writing is her ability to portray surroundings in such a vivid and emotional way. In Scrap Metal it was the gorgeously rough Scottish landscape and weather, but she does it as beautifully with the city view, the pavement and the buildings! I find myself reading her poetical sentences over and over again and enjoying their pure beauty. Her sentences are like powerful brush strokes that leave colorful, vibrant lines on the canvas. If this book was a painting I would hang it above my bed and lose myself in it every night.
I recommend this book also because of its characters. They are put through struggle, they learn from their mistakes and they have their hearts in the right place. These men sound, look, taste and smell like real life, but when they are together inside the walls of the Half Moon Chambers, those moments appear to be almost magical.
Five shining stars.
August 12, 2013
Exquisite atmosphere and sense of place wrought from lyrical prose.
All authors have their strengths, but Fox's ability to wrap the reader within the folds of the setting to make the the prosaic and extraordinary shine equally bright is a gift. I was once again drawn in a laid down gently as this story of binaries played out before me, safe in a cocoon as I watched it unravel.
Vincent, he works hard and plays harder until that moment when failure occurs--he's left broken. How does one move forward when everything you've come to know and expect is taken away. He finds succor in an unlikely place, mercy where he never would have thought and himself when he thought all was lost.
The balance between hope and hopelessness flips back and forth. The sides of strength and weakness exploited. The connection between loathing and compassion followed. All in this desolate post-industrial hell that no matter how much you want to hate you can't because even beneath all the grime and ugliness are glimpses of forgotten beauty. They peek out to you and it is all due to the language. Luscious and entrancing.
In the end, beneath all the seductive whispering of the words is a message of hope and love. Gorgeous.
Favorite quote (perhaps):
All authors have their strengths, but Fox's ability to wrap the reader within the folds of the setting to make the the prosaic and extraordinary shine equally bright is a gift. I was once again drawn in a laid down gently as this story of binaries played out before me, safe in a cocoon as I watched it unravel.
Vincent, he works hard and plays harder until that moment when failure occurs--he's left broken. How does one move forward when everything you've come to know and expect is taken away. He finds succor in an unlikely place, mercy where he never would have thought and himself when he thought all was lost.
The balance between hope and hopelessness flips back and forth. The sides of strength and weakness exploited. The connection between loathing and compassion followed. All in this desolate post-industrial hell that no matter how much you want to hate you can't because even beneath all the grime and ugliness are glimpses of forgotten beauty. They peek out to you and it is all due to the language. Luscious and entrancing.
In the end, beneath all the seductive whispering of the words is a message of hope and love. Gorgeous.
Favorite quote (perhaps):
"He wasn't unleashed—he was the most trapped thing on earth, just like Phil, just like anyone who got into the barbed-wire thickets of uncontrolled human desire."
January 2, 2014
I really enjoyed the book!
What a gripping tale. The story was made of feelings. I really felt for Vince and Rowan. However, ultimately, I sided more with Rowan than I did with Vince despite the story being told from Vincent's point of view.
I gulped this down. I enjoyed every shadow that hinted at enemies, every loaded glance or heartfelt touch that passed between the 2 MCs. The intimate scenes between them was scorching hot while still keeping to the plot line (Vince's injury). The imagery was beautifully described to complement the action and fill in the background. Not strong enough to make me 5 star rate this but a very satisfying read.
What a gripping tale. The story was made of feelings. I really felt for Vince and Rowan. However, ultimately, I sided more with Rowan than I did with Vince despite the story being told from Vincent's point of view.
I gulped this down. I enjoyed every shadow that hinted at enemies, every loaded glance or heartfelt touch that passed between the 2 MCs. The intimate scenes between them was scorching hot while still keeping to the plot line (Vince's injury). The imagery was beautifully described to complement the action and fill in the background. Not strong enough to make me 5 star rate this but a very satisfying read.
April 17, 2015
4.5 stars
Love makes no judgements. And even ex junkies and bitter, disabled cops can climb out of the gutter and find it. Loved how this all came together. Once again, it’s a delight to read this author’s work.
”I couldn’t bear the sweetness of it. Not that much, not that perfect bestial divinity, flesh and soul forged into one, and no idea where I ended and he began, barriers as old as my life crashing down…”
Want to read
December 12, 2019Thank you for the gift, Peaches McJingles!!
September 27, 2013
I’m going to restrain myself and give a proper review, then at the end, I’ll go all Harper Fucking Fantastic Fox on yo asses, ok? Ok, let’s go -
One of the best things about her writing is that she definitely knows her characters and, lucky for us, she knows how to help us know them, too. She uses a strategy that some other authors either forget or ignore: let other characters be the tool to expose your mains. It’s not all about the inner dialogue or self-exposition given aloud. Those surrounding Vince and his life provide us as much info about his personality and physicality as his own actions and words. It’s like seeing someone in a in a multi-paned mirror, we get to see so many sides, some of which the character isn’t even aware of themselves. Insider trading, yeah. This always sucks me in.
A small personal note: Elsie, a name used for a character only mentioned a couple of times and who is never seen. This is the name of my great aunt who lived to be 100 years old before passing away about a year ago. She was FAWESOME. So that bit made me smile.
Fox uses color a lot in descriptions, not just of physical spaces or objects, but for feelings and thoughts, reactions to surroundings. I react to this. Color is important and the more the better.
Back to the characters, Rowan and Vince, the focus in this smallish metro land. Rowan seems to be the one who can, and does, reach Vince – he reaches for him, not just to him. Willing. And Vince, he realizes the effect Rowan has on him but he tries to work against it. How successful he is in that endeavor is debatable, at least in his mind. Rowan is the place where Vince can show what he really feels. His tears, anger, sadness, need and want burst to the surface and he’s unable to keep the lid on them. Things do take a turn, trading places, Vince taking on Rowan’s role as director. Rowan… hmmmmm.
This is one of the more intense of Fox’s stories. If there should be blood, then show me blood. If there should be piss, then have them piss. If the goal is a realistic story then don’t avoid it. This juxtaposition, between almost dreamlike passages filled with very real breaths, is something I slurp up about her stuff. Just because there be piss and blood doesn’t mean there aren’t foggy dreams of violet, green and blue. This plays right into the connection Rowan and Vince skid into. One is broken and knows it, he can’t decide if he has to stay that way or end it, by scalpel or darkness. The other is running from fear, of both incredibly strong internal and external forces. I could go on with this (like I haven’t already) but I don’t want to shade into the empty spaces just waiting for you to grab your own colored pencils and have at it.
Small, romantic gestures, acidically tense, sexy, hollow and messy. This is the dancing life described within these pages. Surprises ring true, disappointments and loves feel right. Slipping between the warm blankets of one of her worlds, this world, to be curled up with words that have been caressed, jabbed, tricked, coerced and smoothly lulled into such fine service, for our pleasure, it makes me happy.
I know, I need to take a breath after that one, too. Run on sentence anyone? I’ll take just one.
I will say that there were probably some opportunities for expansion in some parts. They would have been welcome additions and not detractions. A couple of examples are, of course, the time Rowan and Vince spend together, but also Rowan’s world. We don’t meet too many people in his other than those who would treat him badly and not in enjoyable ways. It makes it a little more difficult to know Rowan as well as Vince but we do get insights through other means.
This is a story of two men helping each other find their worth again. I was going to add a quote as a spoiler, but I’ll not even tempt and you can discover that for yourself. Dance away, my friends, dance away. Harper Fox knows how to fucking play the music I love to hear when reading her books. Her style is consistent but each book is different in story and tone and remains in my memory like a favorite meal to be replayed over and over. I recommend this one, whether you've read other books of hers or this being your first amble through the deftly wooded hills of her brain. This is a good place to start.
Lastly, I debated about adding this bit but I’m going to. If anyone objects, wellllllllll…. too bad, I guess? ;)
Shhhhhhhhhh *whispering* For our favorite one and only Resident Master of all things Faptastic, I’d venture a guess that there are at least a couple of fap-worthy moments contained within.
Oh, and the term “faptastic” was coined by someone else, tis not my creation, lest there be any concerns about pilfering. ;)
One of the best things about her writing is that she definitely knows her characters and, lucky for us, she knows how to help us know them, too. She uses a strategy that some other authors either forget or ignore: let other characters be the tool to expose your mains. It’s not all about the inner dialogue or self-exposition given aloud. Those surrounding Vince and his life provide us as much info about his personality and physicality as his own actions and words. It’s like seeing someone in a in a multi-paned mirror, we get to see so many sides, some of which the character isn’t even aware of themselves. Insider trading, yeah. This always sucks me in.
A small personal note: Elsie, a name used for a character only mentioned a couple of times and who is never seen. This is the name of my great aunt who lived to be 100 years old before passing away about a year ago. She was FAWESOME. So that bit made me smile.
Fox uses color a lot in descriptions, not just of physical spaces or objects, but for feelings and thoughts, reactions to surroundings. I react to this. Color is important and the more the better.
Back to the characters, Rowan and Vince, the focus in this smallish metro land. Rowan seems to be the one who can, and does, reach Vince – he reaches for him, not just to him. Willing. And Vince, he realizes the effect Rowan has on him but he tries to work against it. How successful he is in that endeavor is debatable, at least in his mind. Rowan is the place where Vince can show what he really feels. His tears, anger, sadness, need and want burst to the surface and he’s unable to keep the lid on them. Things do take a turn, trading places, Vince taking on Rowan’s role as director. Rowan… hmmmmm.
This is one of the more intense of Fox’s stories. If there should be blood, then show me blood. If there should be piss, then have them piss. If the goal is a realistic story then don’t avoid it. This juxtaposition, between almost dreamlike passages filled with very real breaths, is something I slurp up about her stuff. Just because there be piss and blood doesn’t mean there aren’t foggy dreams of violet, green and blue. This plays right into the connection Rowan and Vince skid into. One is broken and knows it, he can’t decide if he has to stay that way or end it, by scalpel or darkness. The other is running from fear, of both incredibly strong internal and external forces. I could go on with this (like I haven’t already) but I don’t want to shade into the empty spaces just waiting for you to grab your own colored pencils and have at it.
Small, romantic gestures, acidically tense, sexy, hollow and messy. This is the dancing life described within these pages. Surprises ring true, disappointments and loves feel right. Slipping between the warm blankets of one of her worlds, this world, to be curled up with words that have been caressed, jabbed, tricked, coerced and smoothly lulled into such fine service, for our pleasure, it makes me happy.
I know, I need to take a breath after that one, too. Run on sentence anyone? I’ll take just one.
I will say that there were probably some opportunities for expansion in some parts. They would have been welcome additions and not detractions. A couple of examples are, of course, the time Rowan and Vince spend together, but also Rowan’s world. We don’t meet too many people in his other than those who would treat him badly and not in enjoyable ways. It makes it a little more difficult to know Rowan as well as Vince but we do get insights through other means.
This is a story of two men helping each other find their worth again. I was going to add a quote as a spoiler, but I’ll not even tempt and you can discover that for yourself. Dance away, my friends, dance away. Harper Fox knows how to fucking play the music I love to hear when reading her books. Her style is consistent but each book is different in story and tone and remains in my memory like a favorite meal to be replayed over and over. I recommend this one, whether you've read other books of hers or this being your first amble through the deftly wooded hills of her brain. This is a good place to start.
Lastly, I debated about adding this bit but I’m going to. If anyone objects, wellllllllll…. too bad, I guess? ;)
Shhhhhhhhhh *whispering* For our favorite one and only Resident Master of all things Faptastic, I’d venture a guess that there are at least a couple of fap-worthy moments contained within.
Oh, and the term “faptastic” was coined by someone else, tis not my creation, lest there be any concerns about pilfering. ;)
October 3, 2015
I really enjoyed this. There was a lot of angst but it made sense. I'm a sucker for people at rock bottom, particularly addicts. I like real people who've made really poor decisions but who are basically good. I love characters who have had something awful happen to them and they are trying to cope. This has that in spades.
The characterization is excellent. I love these two men and I believe in them both. I love their issues and suffering and how they're trying to make it work. I love that the police captain is real and deals with what's happening as best he can. I love that Jack isn't evil, he's just a man who made some major mistakes.
The romantic pieces were a little unusual and fit well with the addiction/angst/messed up-ness of the characters. It might not make sense for some people, but it really worked for me.
The pacing is very good, too. There's suspense and intrigue, danger and mayhem, romance and angst, and intense emotion that's played out in actions more than words. I really love that.
One big issue I had was that throughout, Vince is vilified by his family because
There was some beautiful imagery. One character reflects back on a sexual encounter with "a smiling golden-eyed man" who had "...taken me into his body and rocked with me until sunlight exploded in my spine."
Nit picks: "Anymore" was written as "any more" a couple of times where it was referring to time. Methadone is not used as a treatment for a crack addict because crack is not an opiate. Methadone is used for heroin and is only used if absolutely necessary because it is more addictive then heroin and almost impossible to get off of. Maybe things are different in the UK but here, if someone goes to inpatient rehab, they aren't out and back at work after two weeks. After surgery
This is a silly thing to like but I was really tickled that when someone says, "I don't care if you're xxx," they use "the Dalai bloody Lama" instead of the usual "Queen of England," or some other typical answer.
Overall, I really loved this book and look forward to reading something else by the author.
The characterization is excellent. I love these two men and I believe in them both. I love their issues and suffering and how they're trying to make it work. I love that the police captain is real and deals with what's happening as best he can. I love that Jack isn't evil, he's just a man who made some major mistakes.
The romantic pieces were a little unusual and fit well with the addiction/angst/messed up-ness of the characters. It might not make sense for some people, but it really worked for me.
The pacing is very good, too. There's suspense and intrigue, danger and mayhem, romance and angst, and intense emotion that's played out in actions more than words. I really love that.
One big issue I had was that throughout, Vince is vilified by his family because
There was some beautiful imagery. One character reflects back on a sexual encounter with "a smiling golden-eyed man" who had "...taken me into his body and rocked with me until sunlight exploded in my spine."
Nit picks: "Anymore" was written as "any more" a couple of times where it was referring to time. Methadone is not used as a treatment for a crack addict because crack is not an opiate. Methadone is used for heroin and is only used if absolutely necessary because it is more addictive then heroin and almost impossible to get off of. Maybe things are different in the UK but here, if someone goes to inpatient rehab, they aren't out and back at work after two weeks. After surgery
This is a silly thing to like but I was really tickled that when someone says, "I don't care if you're xxx," they use "the Dalai bloody Lama" instead of the usual "Queen of England," or some other typical answer.
Overall, I really loved this book and look forward to reading something else by the author.
September 1, 2020
I never would have guessed I could find a Harper Fox that rated less than three stars, but it's been that kind of week!
It's hurt-comfort that's about 80% hurt. And that's literal, physical hurt surrounded by such shitty circumstances you cannot begrudge the MC one second of his bleak outlook. Life sucks, and they won't let you die.
😂😂😂
Probably not funny if you haven't been there yourself, and maybe I would have gotten more out of it if I hadn't gone through a similar mental journey after my own medical shitstorm? But I did, and it wasn't pleasant then or while reading about someone else's version, but maybe it's not as bleak if you don't have that memory right on the surface?
The focus isn't really on the romance OR the action plot. It's on the aches and pains and exactly how much every facet of the MC's life has changed for the worse in the aftermath of this incident. And it's not even up for interpretation really. It's an absolute shit hand, and now he's just got to get on with it. Because what's the other option.
I did like the romance, but there are a few beats that add an unexpected and unnecessary insta- aspect to it that just doesn't mesh with the character, and considering it's the best part of the book, there's way too little of it.
I just had a hard time getting into a flow with this one and don't know that I ever succeeded for more than a scene at a time. I actually hesitated to pick it back up every time I took a break from reading -- and I took a LOT of breaks.
HF was effective as always at immersing the reader in the MC's headspace, I just don't know why anyone would actually want to be in this MC's headspace in these particular moments for this long at a time. It felt like we were wallowing in a way that the MC wasn't.
I don't know. It was strange, and I didn't like it, except for the scenes that I did because it was still Harper Fox so there were still a moments of magic even in the mess. Which, of course, is the feeling that keeps drawing the MCs toward each other, so... Still wouldn't recommend it :(
It's hurt-comfort that's about 80% hurt. And that's literal, physical hurt surrounded by such shitty circumstances you cannot begrudge the MC one second of his bleak outlook. Life sucks, and they won't let you die.
😂😂😂
Probably not funny if you haven't been there yourself, and maybe I would have gotten more out of it if I hadn't gone through a similar mental journey after my own medical shitstorm? But I did, and it wasn't pleasant then or while reading about someone else's version, but maybe it's not as bleak if you don't have that memory right on the surface?
The focus isn't really on the romance OR the action plot. It's on the aches and pains and exactly how much every facet of the MC's life has changed for the worse in the aftermath of this incident. And it's not even up for interpretation really. It's an absolute shit hand, and now he's just got to get on with it. Because what's the other option.
I did like the romance, but there are a few beats that add an unexpected and unnecessary insta- aspect to it that just doesn't mesh with the character, and considering it's the best part of the book, there's way too little of it.
I just had a hard time getting into a flow with this one and don't know that I ever succeeded for more than a scene at a time. I actually hesitated to pick it back up every time I took a break from reading -- and I took a LOT of breaks.
HF was effective as always at immersing the reader in the MC's headspace, I just don't know why anyone would actually want to be in this MC's headspace in these particular moments for this long at a time. It felt like we were wallowing in a way that the MC wasn't.
I don't know. It was strange, and I didn't like it, except for the scenes that I did because it was still Harper Fox so there were still a moments of magic even in the mess. Which, of course, is the feeling that keeps drawing the MCs toward each other, so... Still wouldn't recommend it :(
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