The Shadow Man. a Memoir. a Daughter's Search for Her Father

by Mary Gordon

For a so-called "Catholic novelist," the revelation that her father was born a Jew qualifies as something of a literary bomblet; that his past was a tissue of fabrications, that he became an anti-Semite and reactionary, is a revelation that haunts this unusual book. Gordon's search for her father, who died when she was seven, leads her to libraries and archives, to interviews with his associates, to family birth records and finally to the extraordinary project of disinterring and reburying her father's remains. The search becomes a literary quest in which Gordon transforms herself by transforming her images of her father.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir

Unknown Binding

First published April 30, 1996

About the author

Mary Catherine Gordon is an American writer from Queens and Valley Stream, New York. She is the McIntosh Professor of English at Barnard College. She is best known for her novels, memoirs and literary criticism. In 2008, she was named Official State Author of New York.

Reviews

[Daniel Chaikin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was struggling to find a book after reading Pynchon's Mason & Dixon. I needed something readable, but the books I tried felt too light, and loose, even serious stuff. Then I opened this book, and started the introduction, actually titled "To The Reader". It was so intense, direct, serious. I had found my book.

Gordon had a special and inspirational relationship with her father, who was older and died of a heart attack when she was seven. But he had taught her to read, wrote her poetry and parental love letters, and their relationship would define who she was and tie into what made her into the author she became. "My father died when I was seven years old. I've always thought this was the most important thing anyone could know about me."

She knew he was born Jewish, and later converted to Catholicism and became very devout. It wasn't clear to me whether she realized he had become antisemitic, but she grew up later with insults from her family along the lines of something being "the Jew in her". And yet, "When I was ten, and he'd been dead only three years, I attempted his biography. It began, "My father is the greatest man I have ever known.""

She started writing this book when she was 44, my age now. And what she found was that her father was nothing like what he said he was, or what he appeared to be. Every discovery undermined something else about him. For example, he never worked during her childhood, even as he left the house everyday with a briefcase, and he hadn't gone Harvard, like he said. He hadn't even graduated high school. He was writer, but not a fine one. He published pornography and, during WII, antisemitic articles.

Unfortunately the book as a whole fails to maintain the fascination that the intensity of the early sections conjured up. Gordon is an emotional writer, and she struggles with her Jewish past, which she wants to get in touch with, and her Catholic present which she values deeply but doesn't exactly believe. And she struggles with the relationships with her family, her bitter memories and her mixed discoveries about them later. Yet, somehow the book loses some steam. It's, despite the 37 years or more since her father's death, a book of grief, of finding the man she learns she never really knew...and losing the one she thought she did know. And, I guess that the book just needed to evolve that way. I'm glad I read it, but not in a rush to recommend it on.

Side note: I discovered this book on the radio through Garrison Keillor's Writer's Almanac, on the way to work in December of 2005 (link). It struck me, and I still remember his voice now. I was quite excited when I found a copy at a library book sale 3 plus years later, in 2009. Now I've finally read it, another 8 years later.

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19. The Shadow Man by Mary Gordon
published: 1996
format: 286 page hardcover
acquired: 2009 library book sale at Fondren Library of Rice University.
read: Apr 17-29
rating: 4

[Luanne Castle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary Gordon actually spends a fair amount of time detailing her research in the library and in contacting strangers. The reader gets to participate in the research process. This is like following Nancy Drew’s progress in solving a mystery–albeit without the imprisonment in the cistern, tarantula/black widow spider, etc.

The twist in Gordon’s book is that Mary Gordon was raised Catholic by her parents, although her father was born Jewish. But he had become a (IMO dangerous) anti-Semite and this made Gordon’s search for his past–and really the man himself as he had died while she was so young–a very complicated emotional ordeal.

Let me say that Mary Gordon’s book is gorgeously written. Maybe this heavy reliance on process wouldn’t work in the hands of a lesser writer, but it really works here. Will you enjoy the book? I’m not sure. It depends on the type of books you like. I think someone like me who is curious about family history, 20th century history, family relations, and beautiful, almost lyrical, writing will love it.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read Circling My Mother first, even though it was written later but that was the best order for me. The author is "gob-smacked" by what she discovers about her father. He father died when she was 7 and until she was in her 40s she had a fantasy built up around her memories. Much of the book is her attempt to reconcile what she learns about her father and the great love she has always felt toward his memory. Her grief is palpable and at times almost makes the reader uncomfortable. Sometimes I wanted to tell her to "buck up." But really, no one can fully understand another's emotions especially the parent-child connection. This book might be described as a rather dense in its style and one that has to be plowed through at times but worth the effort especially if you read the book about her mother.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is absorbing and very disturbing. I kept wanting to shake Mary Gordon and remind her that she has a husband and children and that while her relationship to her dead father is important, life does go on. Several times I almost put the book down--but her writing is really engaging and troubling. It did serve the purpose of making me think of the ways in which my parents both brought me into the world and released me to live in it.

[Joban Gill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, Gordon is clearly a talented writer. I really enjoyed her style of prose, even if it wasn’t the easiest to read at times. Having said that, I did find the book to be a bit dull for me. Premise was interesting enough, but it was difficult for me to get through all of Gordon’s ruminations. Perhaps it’s also because I wasn’t raised Catholic, or Jewish - so I didn’t care much about the religious aspects of the book.

[Laurel-Rain · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author Mary Gordon's father died when she was seven years old. For a long time, this fact seemed to be a defining aspect of her life. She was happy to think of him in terms of the man who loved her "more than God" and then disappeared. But thirty years later, she begins a quest to find out who her father really was.

Her search takes her to libraries, archives, and her own memory, but what she learns on this journey begins to test her credulity and her view of the man. Her many discoveries included the fact that he was actually an immigrant, rather than a man born in Ohio; he was a Jew who became an anti-Semite; he was a convert to Catholicism who wrote devout Catholic poetry; he was also a publisher of pornography.

In Ohio, where he grew up, she can find nobody who remembers him, or those who think they do, but have negative reactions to him. She discovers many facts that led to her realization that the man she thought was her father was a fictionalized version of a man. She has to decide what to do with this conflicting information.

Even her own mother is not a reliable source of memories, as she is losing hers. She scarcely can distinguish one event from another.

Throughout "The Shadow Man: A Daughter's Search for Her Father," I felt a connection to Gordon's quest, in that we desperately need to understand who we came from in order to completely know ourselves. Those defining connections can make or break us.

The first part of the story was tedious and not as interesting as the later parts. I especially enjoyed the sections that included her mother and their history together—a piece to the puzzle that completed the whole picture for me.

Because I enjoy this author's work, I was curious to know more about her history. This book filled it in very well, and except for the beginning parts, portrayed a compelling family portrait. Four stars.

[Sally Atwell Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be a little hard to read in places. While Mary Gordon search for her father brought up many things that she did not know about, I found her first section tiring, because of all the references of her love for him, and his for her. Very little attention was given to her mother in this section, and it is only at nearly the end of the book, when Gordon mentions her mother.

I think that Mr. Gordon was too much touted as being a handsome, fun loving, father and person. I found him offensive after his "converso" to becoming a Roman Catholic from being a Jew. I really didn't find anything redeeming about the man, and Gordon's flights of fancy, such as putting him on trial, or becoming him, were hard to understand her motive for doing so.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book traces Gordon's attempt to learn about and understand her father who died when she was 7. A Jew who converted to Catholicism, he is a more elusive character than she ever imagined when she began her search. She discovers that his life was not what she had believed. The most shocking revelation was that he wrote for antisemitic publications in the 1930s. Ultimately she cannot resolve the puzzle of his life. The book is honest about the limitations of understanding another life, even that of a parent, but this lesson leaves the reader unsatisfied, still wanting more resolution to the puzzle of her father's life.

[Sophiebird · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well, I was torn as to how to rate this book. I almost wanted to give it three stars or so only because I got such a laugh at the foolishness of it all. Sure it is traumatic to lose a parent at such a young age, but, if I may be so cruel: Get over it. Move on! Focus on your family and children rather than dedicating your life to the past.

She focuses on such minutia of her life - watching herself perform almost.


More to follow with this review, but alas, I must read through it again to find the examples I want to site.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary Gordon, author of in the Company of Women, lost her beloved father to a heart attack when she was seven years old. Thirty years later she sets out to find out who he was - she got more than she bargained for. All that she knew about her father - only child, Harvard man, pious Christian - were a sham. Her search becomes an obsession and her struggle to reconcile the adoring father she knows with the flawed man she finds makes for a great memoir.

[Laurel Perez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautiful. Gordon does what I would never do (as an adult who also lost her father a before the age of 7), she asks who he really was. She digs and finds answers that she could never have dreamed up, and through each revelation, Gordon has to come to terms with her identity as a result of her findings. Memoir has never been so good, a must read.

[Diana · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the writing is beautiful, I find it disturbing that she can put her father on such a high pedestal. Ultimately, it made the story less enjoyable for me. Also I found chapters toward the end confusing: out of context to the premise of the book and did not add to the story.

[Ploni Almoni · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well written portrait and discovery of disappointing father. Overlong and repetitive however.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I don’t love someone’s writing style, I find it difficult to be engrossed in their story. This story is different — it’s told on the sharp edges of a woman’s pain, and it is a compelling memoir. I don’t begrudge her for a minute for failing to fully let us in to her thinking because she let us into her raw, confused feelings, and doing so is unquestionably brave. But to be sure, this is an intense and challenging read.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author had a unique and loving relationship with her father until he suddenly died when she was seven years old. This book documents her research about 35 years later to learn more about him. She uncovers multiple surprises and lies. She contemplates his life at levels I thought were intriguing.

[Josephine Carroll · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to read a memoir and this one came recommended. I wanted to love this book but I had a hard time. I wanted to be done with it at the end of section 1 of 3. I did like the closure that the author provided at the end. I would not read this book again but I wouldn't say I hated it.

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but a difficult read.

[Rena Mayberry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ambiguity must be very difficult to convey in prose. Gordon manages very well. Worth reading by people who are seeking truth about a parent or other hallowed figure from their past. How to love a parent whose life was not lived honestly; how to consider the reasons a loved one turns out to be not only disappointing as a public person, but full of hate.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last third of the book, about her mother, was vastly more compelling than the first 2/3. A lot of this felt like things you'd say to your therapist--full of significance and insight, but not that interesting to anyone else.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

A memoir of Ms. Gordon trying to discover the secrets of her father. A devout Catholic who converted from Judaism. Very moving and insightful.

[G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gordon tackles her father's story from all angles, some more successful than others, but it is a continually perceptive and probing book.

[Corinne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Gordon is an excellent writer.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

Confusing. Jumps around in time.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gordon's a good writer, but this account of her father gets a little whiney and "poor me."