Off the Menu

by Stacey Ballis

As the executive culinary assistant to celebrity Chicago chef Patrick Conlon, Alana Ostermann works behind the scenes—and that’s just the way she likes it. But with developing recipes for Patrick’s cookbooks, training his sous chefs, picking out the perfect birthday gifts for his ex-mother-in-law, and dealing with the fallout from his romantic escapades, she barely has a personal life, much less time to spend with her combo platter of a mutt, Dumpling.

Then a fluke online connection brings her RJ, a transplant from Tennessee, who adds some Southern spice to her life. Suddenly Alana’s priorities shift, and Patrick—and Dumpling—find themselves facing a rival for her time and affection. With RJ in the mix, and some serious decisions to make about her personal and professional future, Alana must discover the perfect balance of work and play, money and meaning, to bring it all to the table—one delicious dish at a time…

Genres: Chick Lit, Fiction, Romance, Foodie, Food, Contemporary, Humor

Kindle Edition

First published July 3, 2012

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

My first Stacey Ballis book was Out to Lunch which ended up being a 5-star read for me. I loved it! So when I saw one of Ms. Ballis' earlier books at my local library, I was super excited and scooped it up immediately. Off the Menu is a standalone novel that I personally shelved under the genres of chick-lit and foodie fiction. I find this combination extremely fun to read since I immensely enjoy my own time in the kitchen. Plus, foodie fiction books usually come with recipes, and that always makes me happy :)

Overall, I thought Off the Menu was just OK. Although it had several redeeming qualities, it wasn't the greatness I was hoping for. I shall explain...

Why I initially wanted to give it 2 stars:
(considered 1 or 1½ at one point)
It could have been because I just finished a fast-paced thriller, but Off the Menu seemed so slow I felt like banging my head against a wall. I had no idea where this story was going (partly because of several unnecessary chunks of subplot and long-winded memories). My ongoing rhetorical question was "Why are there so many words in the way. Just get on with it!!" Again, I just finished a masterpiece of a thriller yesterday, so...

The romance made me want to gag. The kindness was way over the top and I kept waiting for some type of conflict or at least some extra layering to give it a realistic quality. It never came. Relationships that are unicorns and rainbows 24/7 are horribly dysfunctional...like 'you might be unknowingly dating a secret serial killer' dysfunctional. It's just not realistic. Yes, I want my fiction to carry me away like a Calgon bubble bath but I can do without the frequent stops to Care Bear land.

I came close to shelving it as a DNF around the 85% mark when the heroine listed off 100 reasons why she and her boyfriend should move in together. 100! And not just 100 words...these were individual complete sentences. I'm sure it was meant to be cute and funny, but I literally had to pause the book so I didn't throw my phone out the window I was so annoyed. Over-the-freakin'-top!

Why I gave it 3 stars:
(instead of 2 or below)
What can I say? I'm a sucker for foodie fiction...and a book that is advertised as having an included cookbook companion? Yes, please!

I swoon for fictional pets, especially irresistible pooches you can't help but love. Both Off the Menu and Out to Lunch feature a cutie-pie in this department. Probably Ms. Ballis' other books too but I haven't read them yet.

I liked some of the characters, especially Maria and Patrick. Patrick's character showed some complexity, and the interactions he was involved in were realistic even if they revealed him to be needy, selfish, and annoying. I ended up really liking him!

I always support books that promote giving back to the community by mentoring youth, and our heroine has a heart of gold that will make you want to immediately seek out volunteer opportunities. I would have given this book that extra star just for this element alone.

*Just a reminder that the positives and negatives listed above are based on my personal opinion alone. I have seen plenty of 5-star ratings for this book, and also a few lower ratings in between. Some have loved it and some not so much. Based on the ratings, if you enjoy chick-lit/foodie fiction it's probably worth the gamble. Check it out!

My favorite quote:
"Life is also about balance, just like recipes are about balance. When your recipe isn't balanced, it just doesn't taste right. Too much salt or too little can make all the difference - lack of acid, too much bitter or sweetness. If you don't find the balance, your food will never be all it can be. The same is true of your life. You need it all. Work that makes you happy and fulfilled and supports you financially. Family and friends to lean on and celebrate with. Hopefully someone special to share your life with and a family of your own if you want that. Some way of giving back in honor of your own blessings. A sense of spirituality or something that keeps you grounded. Time to do the things you need for good health, eating right and exercising and managing your stress. If you have too much of one and not enough of another, then your life isn't balanced, and without that balance nothing else will matter.

[Amy Hatvany · Rating 5 out of 5]

10 Reasons Why I devoured OFF THE MENU

#1. The protagonist, Alana, is smart, sassy, and endearingly authentic.

#2. The cover has chocolate cupcakes on it!

#3. Stacey Ballis's writing style is self-assured and wickedly funny, filled with one-line zingers that made coffee shoot out of my nose.

#4. The relationships Alana has with her family and friends are so lovely, so intimately drawn, you feel as though you could walk into any of their houses, take your shoes off, and prop your feet up on their couch.

#5. The glorious descriptions of food will make you drool.

#6. Your heart will ache as you connect with Alana and her desire to find a lasting, meaningful love.

#7. A dog named Dumpling.

#8. Your heart will sing as you watch Alana stumble across an amazing, grown up romantic connection with RJ.

#9. Recipes for all the glorious food descriptions included in the back of the book!

#10. Cat + Fly paper = Hysteria.


I was so enamored with this story! I loved that Alana was fiercely independent, but at the same time vulnerable and sweet. I loved that she wanted to find love, but didn't link her self-esteem to whether or not she did. This is a truly wonderful beach read...Highly recommend!

[Jewel · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a book that caught my eye standing in line at the library. It sounded the perfect combination for me. Foodie meets chick-lit? Sounded like the perfect vacation read for me. Sadly no. Her writing is redundant. I found myself groaning, "You already said that!" The perfect example is in the first few pages where I'm sure she wrote two different descriptions of her dog, couldn't decide on one, so used them...one after the other. When writing for characters with accents, it was a tad overdone, though I could appreciate that a bit.
Also, her writing is not formulaic, but not in the interesting great captivating way. It was boring. There was no excitement, tension, edge. Nothing that really made you want to turn the next page.
Disappointing read in general.

[Hanne · Rating 1 out of 5]

One of the least enjoyable reads of all time for me. There is no plot, nothing of interest happens and the main character is one of the most annoying characters of all time. The plot: 40 something woman with perfect family, job and life finds, in the most undramatic way ever, the perfect boyfriend (who is so unreal I fully expected him to reveal himself as a serial killer) and her perfect life only gets even better. Has a slight panic deciding between 2 perfect jobs but then decides she can do both.

The writing is so pedestrian and clumsy, I assumed this was produced through some vanity publishing arrangement. The milieu in which this is set, the culinary world of food TV and celebrity chefs (an embarrassing number of names are dropped throughout the book), makes me believe it's a cynical attempt by he author to hitch a ride on the foodie bandwagon. I mean, the 'heroine' is supposed go be best friends with and on the level of America's best chefs but describes her perfect scrambled eggs as 'dry' and has pickier tastes than my friends' toddlers. Really?

I read Warm Bodies right after this and what struck me was: a novel from the point of view of a zombie in a post-apocalyptic world was more honest, hopeful and real than this book could ever be. This is the bottom of the barrel of chick lit fiction & is what gives the genre such a bad name. Avoid at all costs

[Anastasia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Alana is a production assistant for Patrick, a famous television chef. He takes up all her time and doesn't understand boundaries. Her job leaves her with little time for herself, friends, family or to find herself a boyfriend.

I can't say I didn't like it, because I finished it. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no conflict or actual story. The romance was unrealistic and irritating. A lot of the book seemed liked a list of famous chefs and pop culture references. I like most of the characters and the talk of food. Because I love food.

I finished it hoping something would happen. Nothing ever did, so I don't recommend it. There are a ton more cute foodie romances to spend your time on.

[Jeanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let me begin by saying that I really wanted to like this novel. Recommended by Jen Lancaster, Off the Menu features a great setting (Chicago), food & foodies, an adorable canine named Dumpling, and a little romance. What’s not to love?

Well, if I weren’t from Chicago, I’d be annoyed by the setting and the author’s constant geographical references (for insiders only). If I weren’t a devotee of Top Chef and all of those food and cooking networks, I would not like this novel. Finally, if I were looking to read a traditional romance, I’d be a little annoyed with this novel.

In a nutshell, Alana works as an executive culinary assistant to celebrity chef Patrick Conlon. This is not a 9-5 job; Alana is working for this guy 24/7. The money’s good, and Alana enjoys working behind the scenes.

But as she closes in on her fortieth birthday, Alana Ostermann wants more. And part of that more means a man. When she meets RJ online, she cannot believe her luck. He’s perfect for her. She’s perfect for him. Now, if only she can find a life/work balance. . .

I guess my beef with this romance is that there’s never any conflict between Alana and RJ. Nothing threatens to come between them. It’s all ooey-gooey fairy tale tripe. Ridiculous. And the celeb chef name-dropping is also quite annoying. That is all.

[Vickie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm glad that I read Off the Menu by Stacey Ballis because I can use it for quite a few reading challenges that I have. If it wasn't for that, I probably would have ended up skimming the book. Here are several reasons why:

1. The plot was extremely slow and what was up with the 100 reasons why Alana Ostermann and RJ should move in together? Think complete sentences, not just one-word reasons.
2. The relationship between Alana and Patrick the chef seemed toxic to me. Yes, the money for Alana was fantastic, but was it worth giving up all her freedom to a self-centered professional who really needs to grow up?
3. RJ was a flat character and too sweet. I was hoping that there might be a great plot twist when Dumpling didn't exactly welcome RJ with tail wags and slobbering kisses. However, that didn't happen.

The ratings on this book are in a huge range, so I don't want my "bleh" reaction to influence anybody who wants to read it. It just didn't completely work for me.

[Carmen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really, really enjoyed this book. It was a fun, easy read with vibrant characters you can't help but root for. I will now immediately go and find the rest of the Ballis catalog and read them all. And there are recipes at the end of the book! Bonus!

My enjoyment of this novel was increased by first reading "Jeneration X" by Jennifer Lancaster (which is totally not necessary, I've just been a Lancaster fan since 2008.) Lancaster writes mostly memoirs and she and Ballis are friends IRL. In "Jeneration X" Lancaster decides to host a Thanksgiving dinner upon advice to "flip the script" and make Thanksgiving a fun holiday with friends and not a stressful family obligation. In "Off the Menu" main character Alana has a friend doing the same thing and even says "flip the script." Like I said, totally unnecessary for the story, but it made me happy.

Secondly, Stacey Ballis follows me on Twitter (@staceyballis) and wrote back when I tweeted that I had picked up her book at the library. (OMG!)

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

First, let me say that chick-lit is not my favorite genre. I seem to read plenty, but I'm mostly disappointed. This book was no exception.

The main character works for a celebrity chef. This is in the description of the book so it's hardly a surprise. Therefore, you would assume that anyone reading this book would probably have an interest in cooking and, most likely, watching cooking shows on The Food Network. (I do.) In the first couple of chapters, the author basically insults most tv hosts of cooking shows on the channel. Of course, she name drops celebrity chefs throughout the entire book, so it was a little strange.

...One good thing about the book is that unlike most other chick-lit entries, the main character does not end up with the guy who is a total asshat. She ends up with the nice guy who treats her right (however unrealistic and over the top he may be).

Not recommended unless you LOVE chick-lit.

[Regina · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you can get past several political jabs, this is a decent book. (Usually I prefer my chick-lit to be politics-free, but a liberal can never resist an opportunity to get in a good jab!) The food angle always fascinates me and that is Ballis' trademark. However, this whole book seemed to kind of rush through a series of events and sometimes became tedious. Definitely not as good as her last book.

[Kallie Spaulding · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ridiculous. I am done with chick lit forever.

[Amy Reichert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book is full of great food! and it's nice to have a love interest who is generally an awesome guy - and that's not where the tension of the story is.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, I love books involving food! :)

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was chick lit with food as a strong main character. Whether it was Russian food or flatbreads, food played a key role in this book.

Alana, a first generation Russian-American, works (too much) for a famous chef, Patrick. She has an ugly-cute dog, Dumpling, and is generally satisfied with her life, but she is *gasp* almost 40, and she's missing romance. Enter RJ, a man she met on a dating site. (I've ruined nothing here, fear not.)

I was worried this would be ridiculously predictable (only at times), and I absolutely hated the dialogue, especially when the author tried to write it phonetically. Oh, and I hated some of the correspondence, too.

Nevertheless, I loved this book, and I want to read more about Ballis. Will it shatter your world while you read it? No. Will you wish you had a decent appetizer tray as you read it? Yup

[Chelsey Wolford · Rating 5 out of 5]

The word for this book is definitely “intimate”. The characters and the settings were so easily relatable and the main character, Alana, was the best of all. She had such a charming disposition and was such an easy going person; I feel like she and I are really good friends. Her life is so organized and even though it got to be a little chaotic at times she was more than capable of keeping her ducks in a row. She had a wonderful career and a huge, loving family; what more could she need? Oh, and not to mention a sweet little dog named Dumpling who completely adored her. But she was missing her Prince!

Alana really had a passion for cooking and she really was devoted to her career. She had high demands and expectations for herself and others around her. Alana had really made a name for herself within the food industry and she was glad to be able to finally take the time to pride herself in that. The way that she talked about food and the dishes she was preparing was quite magical. You know when you can just tell that someone loves what they do? That was Alana! And a huge credit to Stacey’s writing; it is quite brilliant. I was so enticed by every dish that was prepared and when Thanksgiving dinner was prepared and served I am sure that my saliva almost reached the pages of the book.

Alana is very family oriented and she after being about half way through the book I felt like I was a part of it. She had a wonderful relationship with her parents and her siblings and her nieces and nephews admired her to no end. I wanted Alana so badly to be able to fall in love and finishing the puzzle of her life. She wanted it so bad for herself as well and was trying so hard to be patient with life and not to rush anything with any particular man. It is characters like Alana that I begin rooting for. She had her life together and was happy in herself, but like every woman still longed for the company of a soul mate. And who can blame her? Such a loveable character, Stacey!

When RJ came along I was immediately ecstatic for Alana. This sounds like we are best friends! I just loved her story and her character all around. She had fallen in love and it was clear from the pages before she even knew that she was. I won’t spoil the details of their relationship for you. It takes its ups and downs, but then again what relationship doesn’t? Once anyone starts to fall in love it seems that their life begins to twist and twirl like a rampant rollercoaster flying out of control. Alana makes some tough decisions but only comes out to be a stronger person because of it! I was overly pleased with this book. It was such a quiet and quaint read for a hot summer day!

***Thank you to the publishers at Berkley Trade for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review***

[Slickery · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I enjoyed this book and I think Ballis is one of the best writers in "chick lit" today.

But there were some flaws. It's really slow to start, heavy with back story/exposition. It felt like the plot didn't really start going until about 40% into it.

The guy she meets online is far too perfect to be believable in the end. She does a good job of addressing how starry eyed he is over her and how that gets a little dose of reality when he sees a side of her he hadn't. But it doesn't get reversed. (The thing that I think is supposed to be that flaw that makes him human - something he's reluctant to do - just isn't enough because it just feels like Alana is pushing for it too fast and too soon.)

There are multiple characters with accents that are written in an exaggerated style that I found distracting and ultimately cartoonish. The "rrrrrr" in every word containing an r spoken by a Latina character is amusing the first time but becomes distracting and annoying at the end.

The parts other people have reviewed as unbelievable were actually the parts I found easiest to believe. She name drops working with and/or knowing a lot of famous chefs, especially those in Chicago. But she's the right hand a famous tv celebrity chef (who appears to be a amalgamation of the best parts of Anthony Bourdain and Bobby Flay [presuming Bobby Flay has good parts]) and the former personal chef of the Latina Oprah. She's going to know famous people. She has a friend who is a famous chick lit ghost writer that she's known since high school, but as Ballis is BFF with a famous chick lit essayist (Jen Lancaster) it's written believably.

[Mel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not enjoy this book. There are so many peripheral characters I had a hard time keep of track of who was who. At a time when most of the world is suffering from an economic depression a book featuring a woman that is having a hard time fitting in a love life with a wonderful man in to her busy schedule at a very well paid job that she loves and a demanding boss just doesn't seem to click. There is no drama at all. Everyone in the book is successful and doing what they love. Her wealthy circle of friends make sure money will never be a problem for her. There really isn't any conflict in the story, just a woman with a great life and the book ends.

There is - I'm not kidding - a list of 100 reasons why RJ should move in with Alana. Who the hell wants to read that? I'm not a cook and there was far too much detail about cooking that went right over my head - I wish the same detailing would have been given to character development. Too many e-mails back and forth between RJ and Alana made for a boring read. There are recipes at the back of the book, which may be appealing to some readers.

The phonetic spelling the dialogue spoken by Cuban Maria and Alana's Russian parents was distracting. One or the other might have been OK but "and" is not always best, no matter what the book tells you.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is enjoyable and is a good summer/beach/vacation read. I really like this author's voice, and enjoy the food twist she has put into the 'chick-lit' genre. I have to make sure I am not hungry when I sit down to read her books (See 'Good Enough to Eat').. Also, this author knows her subject matter, having at one time been a special correspondant for a brief few episodes on the Racheal Ray show early in the first season. My one criticism though is that everything about this story and Alanna's life is almost too perfect and shiny. Her house is imacuately decorated, her food is always flawless, the parties always come off with perfection, her boyfriend doesn't have one bad habit, she has plenty of money to do whatever she wants, etc, etc. The messiest things that happen, have to do with her dog and even those are minor and always taken care of swiftly. And while I appreciate the of this perfect world, sometimes a little 'messy' and not so perfect makes a good story more relateable.

[Sheri · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first Stacey Ballis book I read was Out To Lunch, which I enjoyed, though there were a few things that annoyed me. I'm not a huge chick-lit fan, but because I am recovering from surgery and I don't have a lot of brain power right now (and lots of time on my hands), I decided to read Off the Menu. I felt even more irritated with this one. I can't stand authors who basically write the same character over and over again. I felt that her political comments that were in both books were gratuitous, I don't particularly care what her political leanings are. I prefer a little more reality in my books, everything falls into place just a little too easily for her characters. Do ALL of her characters have fabulous apartments, fabulous sex, want no children, etc.? I liked the dogs in these books more than the people and they weren't even remotely realistic. I think I'll pass on any more of her books. If I want a light read, I'll stick to Sophie Kinsella and Jane Green, at least they are funny and their characters are so much more relateable.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Is Maria de Costas a real person? As a non-food-tv-watcher, I don't know....but if she is, the portrayal of her as a person who speaks like this: 'e is verrrrrry angrrrrrry' got to be a bit much. Every word with rolling r's in triple digits--or more? A little went a long way. Otherwise, I enjoyed this book. Ballis' novels are laugh-out-loud funny, about quirky, real women who are unapologetic about their wine, food or love lives. Kind of a 'woman empowerment' theme I'm seeing now that I've read several of her books. Enjoyed them and would recommend them!

[Kristin]

I started out really liking this book. Sassy, strong female character making her way in a male dominated world, funny, supportive friends, yummy food, etc. I even liked how Alana and RJ met and developed their relationship. Then it got sappy. No one talks the way RJ does unless you are Brooks from Real Housewives of Orange County giving Vicki her daily affirmations or a love starved teenager high in first love. If you can get past that, really good book!

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was cute and light. The characters were likeable and the plot easy to understand. I enjoyed it. The only issue I had was the more than occasional referral to gastro-intestinal problems of the characters. Really TMI!

[Michelle Lynne]

So, I'm at this point in life where if a book doesn't grip me from the first chapter or two, I will ditch the book. There are just too many books to read to be spending my time on the ones that I can't get into. Oh well!

[Emily Klossner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommended by my favorite author Jen Lancaster and it did not disappoint! A main character who is vulnerable, but not pathetic. Some funny lines and great recipes at the end. So glad I bought this one!

[Darcy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this one more, but the plot lost me. I kept waiting for another shoe to drop or some big dilemma, but there really wasn't any. And then there were 40+ pages of recipes at the end, which made me originally think there was more to the book.

[Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I like that it was about a 40 year old woman falling in love. And that it involved food! The only downside was that it all seemed a little too perfect.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

just ok, Not really sure what the story was. It was just kinda there. No big laughs or excitement

[Virginia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very fun premise and snappy writing. It's easy to like the strong-minded Alanna; but I would have liked more emphasis on her romantic conflict and (dare I say it?) less about her dog.

[Cristina · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a Mary Sue if I ever read one. It was entertaining enough, but the dialogue was terrible.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The romance in this novel is a little saccharine for me, but I enjoyed the main character and I'm definitely a sucker for a novel that comes accompanied by recipes.