Yasunari Kawabata's Palm-of-the-Hand Stories could be my key to my own heart. Palmists! Why didn't I think of that? They are short, like echoes inside that sound fainter as time passes, but are important enough to leave its footprint (handprint?) behind. Fucking haunting me kinda faint. "Oh." Much later: "Oh!" Yeah, he's got me. The eyes as windows to the souls thing that I like no matter how cliched it is (staring! you can't look away 'ship WRECKS), the Mona Lisa secret smiles, millions of tiny little taste buds on the tip of the tongue, heart three sizes bigger, the echoes like a bell going off... In the palm of the hand (hence the "palmist" as poet)... If I had had a poetic soul it would've been this. I just wanna touch. I don't want to own everything. That's too big. This is touching for the unpossessive, the alone who aren't lonely when they can remember how to listen to this. If it's in there for me to ever reach any of it... That whole key thing is that, really.
I kinda got this idea that if I'd know myself better I'd have a larger wingspan (for me) and armspan (for others). I should've been poetic. I should have been a dancer. I could've been a contender, ma! What Kawabata has that I really, really need (and why I'm thinking he might be my favorite writer ever) is the sitting in the palms of the hands, not grasping, just being... touched. Yeah, that thing. I think that's it. It's more than that, though. Kawabata is fucking huge, to me. If I don't say that these stories are painful, horny, funny, shocking, sweet, tender, moving.... My vocabulary of relating is limited. I just wanna touch. I don't own those words. That's not what went through my mind as I read and said "Well, damn!". I laughed! I sighed. I love Kawabata. Okay, I'm moved. It just feels like there's more to that, underneath, that I'll get later, when (ahem if) I'm a better person.
One thing I've been thinking about a bit these days is that a long time ago I'd probably have been "Oh, wow!" with my mouth hung open like some kind of struck dumb dumbass by something like "Wow, Kawabata died in 1972. I wasn't even born until the end of 1979! And he was Japanese and an orphan and totally lived differently than I do!" That kinda thing is commonplace when you've been reading a lot of books for a long time. It's hardly the point. It's not by far the most amazing thing. The differences really aren't the amazing thing, are they? (How would you know it?) (More on that later, if I remember what I'm half thinking.) It's easy to take for granted these things that seem to be every day, like someone was living and breathing and touched on people he met, people he didn't meet (outside of his own head), things we might all miss maybe just a little, sometimes, like autumn, and our hometowns, first loves, parents... It IS special, to me, that all these years later someone like me can read these translated versions by these guys trying to know themselves better by Kawabata's reaching out (maybe trying to know someone he knew). That's the only chance I'll ever get, either. He's gone. Now I'll probably go back to taking it for granted all of these lives that are gone and mine that can't be too far behind. There's nothing commonplace about making someone remember not to think so much is commonplace. (Duh, that's what's great about palmists, artists, poets...) I hate it if I ever take it for granted.
What was I saying about the echoes? Have you ever laid up close with someone underneath a blanket? Face to face? And the contours of their face looks different, sometimes more beautiful, or scary, definitely a lot bigger. The rest of the world falls away and for a time it is a lot warmer just the two of you underneath that blanket. That's why these are palm sized. If you stay under that blanket for too long it gets too hot and harder to breath. I don't know how Kawabata does it. His novels really read like you knew that blanket partner that well all the time and then it ends because maybe the arm span was too painful to keep up that long. I don't know what it says about me that I can't get enough of that feeling Kawabata gives me. Maybe I'm greedy. I want to remember the world is bigger and smaller than I forget it really is.
Kawabata's translators love to quote his protege Mishima. Mishima said that Kawabata was the "eternal traveller". Nooooo, stop quoting Mishima! He's a grounded angel. (That was cheeeeese! Don't quote me either.) Call him a traveller if you wanna but you gotta listen to the echo before you move on, guys. It happened. These are not interludes with no intestinal strings attached. (I should say that these are "short" stories just like his novels are "novels". Life with godamned strings attached! Life is stories.)
My insta favorites: (Like when you have "first favorites" the first time you listened to The Smiths. This Charming Man might be the favorite first and then you move on to Hand in Glove and The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. Meaning: my list can change!)
A Sunny Place
The Grasshopper and the Bell Cricket
Canaries
Harbor Town
Photograph
The White Flower
Glass
The Sliding Rock
Thank You
The Silverberry Thief
Summer Shoes
The Maiden's Prayers
One Person's Happiness
There is a God
Goldfish on the Roof
The Young Lady of Suruga
A Smile Outside the Night Stall
The Blind Man and the Girl
Household
The Man Who Did Not Smile
Samurai Descendent
The Rooster and the Dancing Girl
The Bound Husband
Sleeping Habit
Umbrella
Death Mask
Faces
A Pet Dog's Safe Birthing
The Silver Fifty-Sen Pieces
Bamboo-leaf Boats
Gleanings from Snow Country
I am going to write a bit about some of my favorite stories. As I said, sometimes songs on a favorite album will tug at me later as I've changed, or the stories have grown on me. It is possible that on rereads my favorites will change and I will add to or change this list. I don't expect that anyone will care about that? It's a personal thing, changing favorite songs. The "our song" thing doesn't really happen that often, does it? (It is probably forced by couples who try too hard. Or sing-a-longs in mainstream comedies. That really happens! Santana feat Rob Thomas "Smooth" comes on the radio, without fail, every time I'm in the car with my big sister. I'm a cliched movie style buffoon, what can I say?) Sometimes, though, if I "get into" a band someone I knew a long time ago really liked I'll wonder if they still listen to it, or which they had liked. I want to start nosing through favorites like medicine cabinets. "Which will save your life?" Anyway, if some such goodreads people love the Palm-of-the-Hand stories and want to share some thoughts or comfortable silences (or creeped out silences. Some of these are "Well, fuck" type of stories")... I'm here! (It's probably better to go talk to one of the normal and smart reviewers. But they seemed to have moved on and are not a listening on repeat kinda listener...)
A Sunny Place:
Kawabata could've been holding my hand. I have a staring problem too. I trace back how I got into habits and try to feel "okay" about these things. Trying to feel okay and making these relating into some feeling of intimacy... I loved this. Also, my two favorite actors in the world are Samantha Morton and John Turturro (okay, when I like something I can really like it). Both have said that they learned how to act because they had to watch other people to know what is up, how to anticipate when to get the hell out, or play it cool, whatever. I'm sure that a lot of my own staring problems came from growing up in my own when to get the hell out situations. The boy in this was an orphan and tried to trace his adapting/staring skills for the same reason. I wonder if the trying to trace back is also something people (Kawabata was sort of an orphan himself) who were put into different environments as a kid a lot had. It's a way of feeling less orphan? "I can remember that." Like that? I like to build contexts out of fiction too much, maybe...
The Grasshopper and the Bell Cricket:
"Even if you have the wit to look by yourself in a bush away from the other children, there are not many bell crickets in the world. Probably you will find a girl like a grasshopper whom you think is a bell cricket.
And finally, to your clouded, wounded heart, even a true bell cricket will seem like a grasshopper. Should that day come, when it seems to you that the world is only full of grasshoppers, I will think it a pity that you have no way to remember tonight's play of light, when your name was written in green by your beautiful lantern on a girl's breast."
I wish there was a way of remembering because this is the truth.
Canaries:
I don't know how to say how this story made all of those half thoughts and mixed up feelings about jealousy and possessiveness rise up. I mean, this is a "theme" in Kawabata's novels... But... It's different. They make me glad that I don't have any grasshoppers or bell crickets. The wife, the mistress... Fuck it. It's like that song by The Cure 'In between days'. That's how I'd say it to myself if I were telling me about it. Or New Order's 'Bizarre Love Triangle'. Or any song about love triangles that I listened to when I was very young and had never been in a relationship. Now that I'm not in a relationship I'd rather see it from that make believe distance and glad it's not me. The canaries had to die. What the fuck? The mistress gives them to him so he'll remember her. The wife takes care of the birds. He remembers the mistress because the wife kept the birds alive. When the wife dies, he won't do for them himself. Bye bye both memories. Maybe I'm the memory killing husband myself. It's easy to do the make believe in a short lived song and then move on to another song. (Love is hard to sustain so long. We're not all Mariah Carey and her high ass notes.) Okay, it's the winning and the losing thing. Wife versus mistress. What the hell do they win? The birds definitely didn't win. It's over when the canaries stop singing.
Harbor Town:
The unlonely kinda make believe. Kinda lonely, pretending to be husband and wife for a time. The Sweet November movie never should've happened. Harbor Town is like when you're a kid and you don't care who sends you a letter, so long as you get one. It's just nice to be thought of.
Photograph:
Photograph is one of my very, very, VERY favorites. Very! "But, I wonder, if the newspaper were to carry that picture of the two of us together, as it was taken, would she come running back to me thinking what a fine man I was?"
Love is blind. Love is a leap and the eyes flashing before your eyes when you jump is, well, blind. Funny I loved this story so much when I do not want to look at old relationship photos. Would the past still be in there?
The White Flower:
"If some man would woo me with one word...," she felt like nodding. And she smiled.
I may be in a mood... It was hilarious how the doctor and the artist completely ruin things with their big mouths while the girl is feeling quite desperate. Nods!
Glass:
"But this was odd. The man had never once in all these years felt the loveliness and freshness in his wife that he perceived in the girl in the story.
How could that bent-backed, pale, sick urchin have this kind of power?"
The power comes from touching everything with your eyes. Like walking along a fence and touching every post with the tips of your fingers. It's an impulse.
The Sliding Rock:
I liked this because the ghostly quality of the rock is something I feel all of the time when I stare at things so long they look monstrous and powerful and I start making things "talk" to me (half talking to myself). It comes from working yourself up over stuff. I wouldn't have gone swimming where there was a rock that made women get pregnant, though. I always had a morbid fear of that kind of thing. My grandmother would demand of me if I was pregnant if I were to so much as complain of a headache when I was a child of ten. The sliding rock? No freaking way. I wouldn't have gone anywhere near it. (Could've slipped and hit my head.)
Thank You:
The introduction says that there was a film based on this story. I must get it!
Thank you to the planes, trains, automobiles, rickshaws, horses, buggies, buses... When something cannot be faced and so the world becomes the yellow sleeve of the bus driver in its place. They all talk back. Thank you.
The Silverberry Thief:
What a con artist! I liked this because the lady was such a con artist. It also reminded me of picking berries as a kid in Alabama. I know, it is meant to evoke autumn in rural Japan and the woman thinks of her own home (where none of her family are left)... It made me feel the same. Some for her, some for me. It was nice.
Summer Shoes:
I tried to tell my twin sister about this story and how much I liked it. I don't think I did a very good job because she wasn't too interested in my ramblings. I'll try again here, just in case. I liked the little girl chasing after the carriage and the driver not wanting to look like a fool. I liked how she was free running outside and caged when inside the carriage (or the reform school?). I hate to wear shoes too! I know how she feels.
Goldfish on the Roof:
I am haunted by Chiyoko's goldfish fascination and her freedom from her so-called parents. If only it hadn't come at the expense (was it?) of the goldfish... I was wanting that to happen all the time and then when it did I just missed the fish. Maybe I'm weird.
The Young Lady of Suruga:
I would've watched the schoolgirl and the factory girl saying their goodbyes (only for now?) in the pouring rain and felt desperate for them not to be apart. I did, though, in my head while reading this story. I feel sad thinking about it. It reminds me of Kawabata's The Old Capital and maybe that's why I think they don't get to be friends anymore. Damnit.
A Smile Outside the Night Stall:
Did I include this in my favorites list? If I didn't I'm adding it now! I loved the smile that was not meant for him. I feel like that all of the time, reading my books with these smiles that are not meant for me.
The Blind Man and the Girl:
This story is one of the most romantic I've ever read, for some reason. Romantic as I'd see it. Not the overuse of the word where it has no meaning anymore, as Orwell would see it. Maybe not anyone else's romantic. That's the word I've got, unfortunately. I wanted to sigh. That's it. The little girl with the blind mama who takes her two sighted daughters into an association of only the blind. Young O-Kayo has the job of escorting her sister's blind lover to his train. Every day they hold hands on the walk and he asks her if everything ahead is still as it was. It was the hand holding! It has to be. They go... they go hand in hand! Damnit, that is it. I felt it and I believed it. Sigh. (I don't care about love connections. That's never said. It's the touching!)
Household:
I've always liked stories about going into other people's houses. Magnetic Field(s), or the film Chunking Express... This is different 'cause it's just feeling home where it's not your home. Like everywhere could be home for you, not the strange strangers strangeland feeling of other things I've read or seen. It was really nice feeling.
The Man Who Did Not Smile:
How would it be if you couldn't stand to be your real self after the illusion of pure happiness of a mask?
Samurai Descendant:
I hope the little girl grows up to be exactly like her supposed samurai ancestor and does something nasty to the perverted artist neighbor.
A Pet Dog's Safe Birthing:
This reminded me of the story in The House of Sleeping Beauties collection if the man was not interested in only playing god. They are all his family, those dogs. Sooooo sweet. I need to look up the Iwata obi breed. I've never heard of them.
The Silver Fifty-sen Pieces:
I wanted to hug young Yoshiko when she saves her allowance and goes back again and again to visit the paper weight that takes her fancy (her first ever impulse buy). I guess this story could be either taken as a creepy consumerism story or just the opposite. Years later, her mama is dead and there are no umbrellas in her Tokyo street after the war. There aren't even any dogs, except for the one on her surviving paperweight. Live while you've got it... I really wanted to give her a hug. That's what I wanted.
Gleanings from Snow Country:
This is a palm-sized version of Snow Country the novel. I read Snow Country the novel twice and this so I guess I've read it three times, in a sense. This time I had the... I don't know if I want to say this? Convoluted female reasoning? Like Komako. When she's so changeable on the outside towards Shimamura. Like trying to protect yourself from what is happening. Sometimes you think you can, other times there is nothing you can do. She seems nuts, railing at him for "laughing at her" (or in the future, as she says). Then she's fine with it... How can you be fine with what you don't know what means to you, yet? It's hard to listen to what's happening when you're trying to listen to that damned future echo. (hide spoiler)]
I love Kawabata sooooooooooo much. I'm going to go back to these. I've already read nine that have been translated into English. What will I do now? I like it too much under the blankets with Kawabata, pining for and fearing the future. Me too, Komako. Sorry this review is so nuts. I don't expect anyone is gonna use this as their reading guide anyhow. I'm more than happy to discuss any of the stories with anyone who so wishes to sing along with me. We'll make it "our song".