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396 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
…I myself, if I gave, only gave to get, the simulacrum of generosity faithless lovers use only to appease the self and so make, in a charade of mutual need, what is only a parody of reciprocation. I’m certain I wanted to prove my prowess where another man had bungled. And yet there was something sincerely intended between us. She wanted now to tell me what she really felt, I thought, and I wanted to hear it to believe I was allowed to tell her the same. There were words on our lips that in our loneliness alone wanted utterance, and the need by itself virtually created the feeling.
We choose what we shouldn’t. The things we crave aren’t the things we need. We cannot shed our symptoms because we cannot shed ourselves. I was like her myself, often seeing the imaginary world too clearly to play a part in the real, and always selfishly trying to make a virtue of my vice. It’s with ambition as it is with adultery. Her dangers were always mine.
The "realistic" novel and the way one reports to it is to me a locus molesti. The threats of the realistic novel, for which I believe I have a constitutional disinclination, force me into an anti-world with a fantasy and bedevilment all its own which refuses (ready?) to "hold a mirror up to nature." Make nature grovel! Transubstantiate it! Shake your multi-colored dreams out of your black disappointing sleep! Will you shrink from diversion, whimsy, entertainment, wit? (Theroux Metaphrastes: An Essay on Literature 27)