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Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years
Mothers and daughters share, and want, a bond for life―one that can remain positive and grow stronger with each passing year. Sil and Eliza Reynolds have designed a set of tools to assist you in nurturing that bond. If you're locked in a clash of wills or fear the prospect of getting into one, with Mothering and Daughtering you can learn how to build the foundation for a deep and lasting relationship that is a source of support, joy, and love throughout your lives.
Offering you two breakthrough guides in one, Mothering and Daughtering was created to help you find and protect the unique treasure that is your relationship. For moms, Sil addresses the central task of stopping the cycle of separation and anxiety that plagues so many, drawing on her clinical expertise to nurture the skills of listening, boundary setting, mirroring, containing, and more. Turn the book over, and Eliza shares empowering advice to teens looking to keep it real with Mom while also finding strength in their own intuition, friendships, and dreams. Packed with practical exercises, activities, and lifesaving insights gleaned from Sil and Eliza's workshops, Mothering and Daughtering explores these essential topics and
Your best friend known as your intuition
• Navigating the treacherous territories of comparison, performance, and perfectionism
• Dispelling the rejection myth
• Sex, positive discipline, and how to prevent a technological take-over
• Winning the body love battle
• Healing your emotional legacy
• Humor, truth, trust, and love―instead of trying to be perfect
• Repairing ruptures and getting to the bottom of misunderstandings
• Locating your fundamental bond that always connects you beneath your daily squabbles
“No one, nowhere, connects just like you,” write Sil and Eliza. Whether you are already thriving in your relationship or merely surviving, Mothering and Daughtering is an indispensable resource to honor and strengthen that one-of-a-kind connection through the years ahead.
Offering you two breakthrough guides in one, Mothering and Daughtering was created to help you find and protect the unique treasure that is your relationship. For moms, Sil addresses the central task of stopping the cycle of separation and anxiety that plagues so many, drawing on her clinical expertise to nurture the skills of listening, boundary setting, mirroring, containing, and more. Turn the book over, and Eliza shares empowering advice to teens looking to keep it real with Mom while also finding strength in their own intuition, friendships, and dreams. Packed with practical exercises, activities, and lifesaving insights gleaned from Sil and Eliza's workshops, Mothering and Daughtering explores these essential topics and
Your best friend known as your intuition
• Navigating the treacherous territories of comparison, performance, and perfectionism
• Dispelling the rejection myth
• Sex, positive discipline, and how to prevent a technological take-over
• Winning the body love battle
• Healing your emotional legacy
• Humor, truth, trust, and love―instead of trying to be perfect
• Repairing ruptures and getting to the bottom of misunderstandings
• Locating your fundamental bond that always connects you beneath your daily squabbles
“No one, nowhere, connects just like you,” write Sil and Eliza. Whether you are already thriving in your relationship or merely surviving, Mothering and Daughtering is an indispensable resource to honor and strengthen that one-of-a-kind connection through the years ahead.
320 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2013
83 people are currently reading
859 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
June 25, 2017
I was disappointed in this book. Save yourself $10 and just check this out from your local library. Yes, it has a lot of useful information. Can I get my teenage daughter to read the daughter-ing part? About as likely as I can get her to up before 9am on a Saturday morning. It took me over six months to finish it as it was just so boring and...perfect. It also made me feel as if I was I missed out and should have prepared better (though, nothing can prepare you for raising a teenage daughter). I was put off on how all knowing vibe that both of the authors. This was a rainbows and unicorns parenting guide. I was hoping for a real guide to help me navigate the ups and lows of this stage of parenting. I need meat and potatoes, no B.S. guide. Like how to navigate dating with my teenage daughter? How to best monitor social media as my teenage daughter grows older? Social media changes on a monthly basis. In depth scarier topics such dealing with eating disorders, failing academics, self harm and suicide (as with the 13 Reason Why Netflix series and book). If you haven't hit the turbulent teenage years yet with your daughter this would be a good read. If you are in the thick of it, I'd pass. I found Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour, Ph. D. to be more helpful for me in my current stage of parenting.
May 21, 2017
Hm. I am getting to a really cynical point with regards to all these advice books.
May 18, 2017
This book is divided into two parts. The first part is written by a mother of a teen daughter for mothers of teen daughters. The second part is written by a teen daughter for teen daughters.
The mother's part was just so-so. It was nice information, but it just repeated a few nuggets over and over again, and none of it was new to me.
The daughter's part, however, was pretty great. My 13 year old daughter has agreed to read it this summer, and I'm really glad. It provides good information in a way that a teen will listen to.
There is a final chapter that is written by both the mother of a teen daughter and her teen daughter. It is really helpful, because it gives actual examples of realistic dialogue between mother and teen daughter on how to communicate in a healthy way. The goal is for the teen to feel understood and to give her the space to grow UP but not AWAY FROM her mom.
The mother's part was just so-so. It was nice information, but it just repeated a few nuggets over and over again, and none of it was new to me.
The daughter's part, however, was pretty great. My 13 year old daughter has agreed to read it this summer, and I'm really glad. It provides good information in a way that a teen will listen to.
There is a final chapter that is written by both the mother of a teen daughter and her teen daughter. It is really helpful, because it gives actual examples of realistic dialogue between mother and teen daughter on how to communicate in a healthy way. The goal is for the teen to feel understood and to give her the space to grow UP but not AWAY FROM her mom.
July 19, 2022
I’ve never been so disappointed in a book before. If you’ve been an avid reader of books on family relationships, you’d be completely disappointed with the mothering section. I’m not sure how the author managed to fill half the book with redundant advice. The daughtering section is mostly (99% of it) about the things a girl going through her teenage years will experience (boys, getting your first period, etc.) and little (less than 1%) about mother-daughter relationships. The daughtering section needs a different title so readers do not feel cheated.
August 26, 2015
I think this is a terrific book. Dare to read what lies ahead before you find yourself dealing defensively with love and specie issues rather than offensively preparing to enjoy the many challenges. Loved this book and the two women who wrote it. And good to know they back up their messages with great workshops. Worth your time. Could even be amazing...
May 7, 2017
Meh. In short, trust your instincts as a mother. The only practical tips are in the joint chapter and even then there's nothing new here. The daughter's half does contain some age-appropriate positive self talk for tweens and teens.
January 11, 2018
For me, it was bit of a slow read. I preferred the "daughter" side and found that more readable. I would have enjoyed it more if I read it before my eldest was 14.
February 9, 2021
So-so. Half the book is written from the mom's perspective, half from the daughter's. I thought parts of the mother's side were insightful, and I liked the way she weaved in mythology and folklore, telling stories throughout. I found the daughter's side somewhat irritating. Though she has good advice to give and I agree with the mother-daughter duo's values, the daughter side read to me like someone trying to be a teenage girl. Lots of gushing, ALL-CAPS, "oh, my gosh!!!" I think reading it would make a lot of teenage girls roll their eyes and tune out the message, no matter how valuable. I discovered another book called Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions of Adulthood. I've started it and think I will like it much better.
October 1, 2018
It's taken me a long to to finish this book. I wanted a book that helped me keep open communication with my teenage daughter.
It's in two parts , one section intended for the mother and one for the daughter.
Most of what I read in the mother part I already knew or was implementing. A few little gems. The daughter section, maybe not intended for mums to read but I thought even my daughter would roll her eyes if she read it. It is quite American, in the use of slang. Too many little bracket bits.
I can imagine if as a mother and daughter you were having terrible issues, it may be useful, but just not really for me.
It's in two parts , one section intended for the mother and one for the daughter.
Most of what I read in the mother part I already knew or was implementing. A few little gems. The daughter section, maybe not intended for mums to read but I thought even my daughter would roll her eyes if she read it. It is quite American, in the use of slang. Too many little bracket bits.
I can imagine if as a mother and daughter you were having terrible issues, it may be useful, but just not really for me.
May 25, 2020
Although sprinkled with a few good nuggets, all in all this book was a bit tedious to complete. Redundant and at times, irritating, I found it difficult to get past some of the feminist undertones. I'm all for a strong woman, I am raising three myself, but let's not underhandedly ridicule, "older white men" or talk about political heroes like Hilary Clinton and "stereotyped" "evil incarnate" Wall Street CEO's. I give it two stars for some of the daughter's pieces of advice that I found helpful. But I wish I had not purchased 4 copies for myself and daughters to read. After one reading, I would have highlighted the good lines and tossed the rest.
August 13, 2021
I wanted to find a book on mothering a teenager that I agreed with and fit my style. This one is pretty close. Basically, it told me to stay calm, trust my gut, and carry on. If I find myself struggling in the future, I will buy it so that my girls can read the the other half on daughtering and we can talk through some of the things together. What I didn't expect is for me to think about my daughtering my mother...although we have a good relationship, I think I can be a better daughter in a few ways.
October 7, 2019
Thought this was a really illuminating book to help guide you through conversations with your teen, and give ideas on how to keep re-engaging with your teen in a healthy and positive way when they are pulling so strongly away from you. Comes at it from both mother and teenagers perspective. Worth a read for sure if you're parenting teenagers!
November 17, 2020
Enjoyed the Daughtering section more than the Mothering section
March 22, 2017
The best part about this book is it is half written by Sil the mother and the other half by Eliza, her daughter. So it holds both perspectives of mothering and daughtering. Also I liked the middle chapter was called meeting in the middle - all about communication.
September 3, 2015
About half of the book is written from the mother's perspective and half from the perspective of the 19 year old daughter's view point. Plus, there are a few shared chapters. I appreciated one particular section in the "Girl Trust" chapter.
Just as there is no perfect body and no perfect girl, there certainly can be no "perfect relationship." It simply doesn't exist. Instead psychologists say that the deepest and best relationships are not hanging out in alleged argument-free paradise; instead they are always evolving. In that evolution and over time, there can be complexities, disagreements, and moments of disconnect. But when you evolve, you grow to the next level of trust and understanding through a bumpy process that psychologists call "rupture and repair." You fight, then you work it out; you have a dumb, frustrating miscommunication, then you clear it up; and so on. The process of rupture and repair builds TRUST. Over time in a relationship, we hope to learn that "no matter what," we will always figure out the conflicts and roadblocks that get in our way. [page 109]
I like that it has two sides to the same story. The authors use allegories and mythical stories to weave together common themes. The resource section at the end is extensive and is, in itself, a very valuable section of the book.
I'm glad I read it, even though I don't yet have a teenager. I still think some of these ideas and thoughts apply to younger mother-daughter (or mother-son ) relationships, as well.
Just as there is no perfect body and no perfect girl, there certainly can be no "perfect relationship." It simply doesn't exist. Instead psychologists say that the deepest and best relationships are not hanging out in alleged argument-free paradise; instead they are always evolving. In that evolution and over time, there can be complexities, disagreements, and moments of disconnect. But when you evolve, you grow to the next level of trust and understanding through a bumpy process that psychologists call "rupture and repair." You fight, then you work it out; you have a dumb, frustrating miscommunication, then you clear it up; and so on. The process of rupture and repair builds TRUST. Over time in a relationship, we hope to learn that "no matter what," we will always figure out the conflicts and roadblocks that get in our way. [page 109]
I like that it has two sides to the same story. The authors use allegories and mythical stories to weave together common themes. The resource section at the end is extensive and is, in itself, a very valuable section of the book.
I'm glad I read it, even though I don't yet have a teenager. I still think some of these ideas and thoughts apply to younger mother-daughter (or mother-son ) relationships, as well.
March 31, 2014
This is a beautiful book that manages to be hopeful, aspirational, and concrete. In my role as mother, Sil's section helped me see how I can parent my 10 year old through adolescence in a way that reflects my values and raise her to be who she is. Both sections of the book gave me great insight into myself as both a mother and as a daughter. Eliza's section for daughters may be too sophisticated for my daughter just yet but I look forward to her being ready to read it and hearing what she has to say about it all.
June 10, 2013
In their double-sided book featuring separate mother and daughter sides, Sil and Eliza Reynolds are a mother-daughter combo who obviously have a beautiful relationship and want others to have one also. On the mothering side, Sil addresses issues such as listening, setting boundaries, mirroring positive behaviors, and nurturing. ...Read full review on my Website
May 28, 2014
This is a great book for any Mom with Teen or pre-Teen daughter. I can't wait to read it with my daughter when she's old enough! IT has a lot of conversation starters and I loved that it has two parts,one to be read by the mother, one for the daughter (written by a Teen daughter)... I did read both parts, just to see what the daughter part was like and I really liked both!
July 21, 2015
Like this book a lot. The premise is great - one half written by a mom for other mothers, the other by her daughter for other daughters. Both halves suitable for everyone (in fact, I recommend that mothers read the daughter side, too). In general, I like the sensibility of both voices, and it's fun to talk about the points they raise with your daughter(s). Worth a peek.
July 10, 2014
Great book for knowing what lies ahead for my middle schooler. Easy to read. The author seems to know exactly what happens to these girls in middle school and dissects all the clicks and ins & outs of it. I think I will be referencing back to this book quite a bit.
June 22, 2016
This is a great book. It's split. One side is for mothers. The other is for daughters. Then there's a chapter in the middle for both. I read both sides and just handed it off to my daughters. I'll read the middle chapter with them.
August 1, 2016
Read both the Mothering and Daughtering aspects of the book. My daughter wants to read the daughtering portion too. Interesting ideas on how to keep the relationship and the lines of communication strong during the teenage years.
October 6, 2013
Highly recommended for anyone with a daughter!
June 12, 2015
Lots of helpful information
January 15, 2015
I liked it. I did find it a little soft and sweet. I found more use out of Love and Logic. You have to know your child and your parenting style.
October 21, 2014
I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to raise a loving confident girl. Who wouldn't want that? These two women are special and have so much to share.
January 20, 2015
Lots of grey observations about life with a teenage daughter, as how to keep your bond strong through those years. Looking forward to reading this with my daughters in a few years.
April 25, 2015
Useful tool for mothers. My daughter isn't quite old enough to grasp everything, but read along much of the book with me and communication is already improved. Recommended for all parents.
June 18, 2015
If you have a tween or teen daughter, read this now.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews