The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover

by David Deida

The secret to enlightenment and great sex is revealed to be one and the same in this groundbreaking manual for adventurous lovers. David Deida was trained for decades in the art of spiritual and sexual awakening. Now he presents the ultimate collection of skills for opening to the physical, emotional, and spiritual rewards of intimate embrace. In paperback for the first time, The Enlightened Sex Manual teaches you how to transform simple "skin friction" into the depths and embodiment of ecstasy, how to develop sexual abilities as gifts of heart rapture and bodily surrender, how to achieve the principal types of orgasm-and all their varieties-and much more.

For men and women, singles and couples of every sexual orientation, The Enlightened Sex Manual provides a complete program for sustaining "whole-body recognition of love's light" in the wild play of sexuality.

Contents

Part One: Energy

Use your breath to arouse and relax your genitals
Restrain your nervous system
Use your tongue like a circuit breaker
Use your eyes to direct energy
Part Two: Orgasm

Bypass ejaculations for greater pleasure
Retrain the addiction to ejaculation
Curb fidgets
Good ejaculations liberate energy
Optimize ejaculations to maximize life's depth
Ejaculate when the body needs to
Understand the three types of women's orgasms
Enjoy clitoral orgasms
Delight in vaginal orgasms
Surrender in the bliss of cervical orgasms
Choose when to orgasm
Allow orgasmic variation
Part Three: Variations

Stimulate the sex paths
Bite, slap, and pinch to move sexual energy
Move energy through the lips, nipples, and genitals
Stimulate the anus
Do the feet
Thrust both deep and shallow
Connect the cervix and penis
Vibrate quickly to increase and smooth out energy
Relax your body and breath
Make love for at least forty-five minutes

Part Four: Sexual Energy Exercises

Breathe sexual energy in a circle
Breathe genital energy up
Breathe energy down the front
Seal your pelvic floor
Lock energy in your soft parts



Praise

"David Deida explains the heart and soul of women to men. As a woman, I've never felt so understood and validated. David's work is a key to helping men and women alike take their relationships one step further. Finally, a clear and brilliant guide to unraveling the mystery of relationships."
Marci Shimoff, Co-author of Chicken Soup for a Woman's Soul

"Being able to reach and live integrated sex, relationship, and transcendence is no easy task. It requires immense courage, wisdom, and above all, fearless loving. In Deida, all this gets included in one radical teaching. You'll learn how to open your heart and integrate the need to sleep with every attractive woman you see, deal appropriately with a woman's emotional chaos, give your gift to the word and lover, and finally transcend the whole lot by including it all."
Vijay Rana, The Watkins Review

"Deida brilliantly lays bare the hidden psychology of feminine and masculine and offers clear instructions for tapping into our deepest core and achieving true harmony through sexual intimacy. I feel that Deida has reached a new level of poetic genius in his writing, and his understanding of feminine psychology astounds me."
Miranda Shaw, PhD, Author of Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism

"David Deida's teachings on this central human concern, sexuality, emanate from a deeply trustworthy source. He has undergone his own rigorous training and practice, which manifests in precise, gentle, and thorough teachings. Many spiritual traditions, including Zen, have excluded or marginalized the sexual experience. David's work fills this gap, and gives us a mature approach for bringing the energetic, emotional, and physical experience of sex into our life and practice. And like Zen, the fruition of David's work is openness, compassion, and love."
Genpo Roshi, Author of The Eye Never Sleeps

Genres: Sexuality, Relationships, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Philosophy

192 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2004

About the author

David Deida is an American author who writes about the sexual and spiritual relationship between men and women.[1] His ten books have been published in 25 languages. He conducts spiritual growth and intimacy workshops and is one of the many founding associates at the Integral Institute. He has conducted research and taught classes at the University of California at Santa Cruz, Lexington Institute in Boston, San Jose State University and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris. He is the author of numerous essays, articles, and books on human spirituality including The Way of the Superior Man, Finding God Through Sex and Blue Truth and the autobiographical novel Wild Nights.

Reviews

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

With every book of Deida's I read, life experience mirrors literary word and I'm able to utilize the text and view the effects. In this case, the practices within the book for channeling energy correspond perfectly to self studies in Kundalini yoga and subtle energy.

Great points:
This is a more personal book, dotted with extremely well written personal accounts of love making and consciousness expansion.

The discussion of different orgasms (clitoral, vaginal and cervical) is FAR better written and described than any other text I've read - even female writers. Granted, I am due to reread Diana Richardson's Tantric books again. But, the way Deida describes the method of activating each orgasm is - lack of a better word - awesome.

The work is highly accessible in content, structure and writing style. You either are drawn to it, or you're not. Not that big of a deal. If you don't like Deida, I can list a few other writers to consider (Mantak Chia, Diana Richardson). There are many different writers and paths that will take you to the same destination. As for me, this is a solid book that add more depth to my subtle energy / partnership learning.

[Bart · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are eight useful pages in this book - they concern a breathing and pelvic-contracting exercise - and these pages are embroidered by 120 or so effectively useless pages filled with mythology and love and the author's florid descriptions of things about love's mythology he proves are indescribable by his inability to describe them.

[Pamela Wells · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful book for women who are ready to leap into love while leaving the broken past behind. Even though I already have a wonderful man, this was still for me a very enlightening book on how I could "open myself" to even deeper loving of my beloved. This is a most spiritual book because David understands that union with the other is the most profound thing we can accomplish as human beings and that being in LOVE is the most profound experience of GOD and is GOD. You will learn and understand from this wonderful book, that Love is God, the other is YOU and you and the other are ONE. Highly recommended for all women. For men, David's book "The Way of the Superior Man" is excellent and should be required reading for any man who wants to fall deeply in love with his woman.

[Sophie Lippert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Certainly not something I’d recommend widely, and far from my favorite (or the most useful or compelling) of Deida’s books. But I found the final section (exercises to help strengthen the pelvic floor, and deepen understanding of how to harness and direct our natural energy flows) to provide practical and applicable wisdom—some of which, fascinatingly, had surprising parallels to the recommendations I’ve received from physical therapists over the years (and in particular related to postpartum healing). And there were a few other takeaways hidden within earlier sections that I’m happy to add to my toolbelt (despite the majority of said sections landing somewhere on the spectrum of indulgent, gratuitous, reductionist, unnecessary… and occasionally poetic, passionate and beautiful).

[Said Bouziane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic book.

The spiritual descriptions get a bit woo woo and ungrounded, yet the physical and phenomenological descriptions fully enabled me to experience what he's talking about, both alone and with my lover.

This truly is a manual in every sense, it's the description of my own body that I always wanted as a teenager.

It's about much more than sex, this book is a guide to open heartedness, using sex as the pathway to get there.

Would recommend to anyone interested in present, intentional and conscious love making.

[Andy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Required reading for men interested in deepening their sexuality. Even if it's just for better performance.

Mostly written towards men, but enough for women to give a skim. Especially the exercises about moving energy.

[Peter Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I like about David Deida’s writings is that he invites you to think about ordinary, everyday occurrences in deeper ways. In particular, he invites us to look closely at “sexual arousal” or “sexual energy” and to give it the special attention it lacks in ordinary settings. And he beckons us to figure out how to master it to derive the most pleasure, meaning, and connection from it.

Deida describes sex in the most relatable, accurate, and balanced way I’ve seen. For example, he provides the best perspective that makes the most sense out of why sex is so much more pleasurable than mere masturbation.

Deida describes sex and how to master it in the language of energy and love, and he claims that sex is primarily about channeling sexual energy throughout the body to heal, fulfill, and connect. And so, sex, done skillfully, becomes something that energizes instead of depleting us of energy.

What stands out in this book is how Deida discusses ejaculations and orgasms.

Most people desire orgasms because they have pent-up stresses, excessive energy, and a “libidinal itch” they just want to scratch. And the pleasure they feel after the climax is merely a decrease of energy, which quiets all the stress momentarily - hence, it gives the illusion of liberation.

Deida suggests that orgasms - and sex - can and should be so much more than that. Instead of using ejaculations to cope with “life,” you can use sex to energize the body and free energetic blockages in your body and your woman so that there will ultimately be more energy, creativity, and love in and between you.

He talks in length about how men can have an energetic orgasm up the spine, which shoots up your consciousness up to Jupiter or something… without necessarily ejaculating. This super orgasm is allegedly far more fulfilling, energizing, and pleasurable than just relieving oneself by squirting some semen after a long, stressful day of work and an accumulation of arousal from women on the streets.

The way this super spine orgasm is achieved is by learning how to move sexual energy throughout your body through breathing, visualization, and becoming more sensitive to the subtle energies in your body and your woman. Not to mention deepening your capacity to love and cultivating a relationship that is of the just-mentioned quality.

One of the core elements of this book is that mastering the breath is the key to opening up emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. The breath is the way in which energy flows through us. An inhibited breath means inhibition of our self-expression and also our love.

One exercise that stuck with me is visualizing inhalation going down the stomach and exhalation up the spine in daily life, meditation, and sex. Of course, keep the tongue resting at the top of your mouth (Otherwise, the energy doesn’t circulate properly!)

Deida provides sex advice, all within a framework of “energy” and spiritualitiness. Which was amusing at times, when, for example, he suggested biting, slapping, and pinching the woman to “move stagnant energy.” The funny thing, though, is that there isn’t really any other framework for making sense of these things that are far more compelling than this one.

I mean that there isn’t any real compelling “reason” for why a woman can have an orgasm merely by having her ass slapped.

Something struck me the other day… So let’s say you, as a man, are having sex (Fuck yeah!), and all you’re doing is focusing on your breath. Then… After a minute or two, or three, hopefully, longer, you start to feel a surge coming out of the essence of your being, out of the void of nothingness; the feeling is unmistakable: you’re about to have an orgasm. Now comes the question: what exactly “triggers” this upcoming orgasm? Why exactly on the 1152th rep of stroking caused this sensation, which, if continued, will no doubt result in an ejaculation?

This comes out of nowhere, apparently; I mean, does the body really need a thousand strokes to ejaculate from a physical standpoint?

It’s very interesting to think about these “ordinary” things in more detail. What exactly is sexual arousal, this sexual energy we feel inside of us? What exactly makes us orgasm?

So anyway, Deida is incredibly relatable, both in this book and in The Way of the Superior Man. As someone who has been very interested in the mechanics of the desire to ejaculate, I have “come” to the same conclusions as Deida, namely that the desire to ejaculate has a lot to do with not tolerating high levels of energy.

I believe this requires reiteration: The masses of men cannot tolerate high levels of energy (i.e., the experience of reality - of the body and the world) - the sheer volume, the intensity of “experience” itself is intolerable to people. And so they want to get rid of the energy, and ejaculation is the low-hanging fruit.

Deida even suggests avoiding gnawing teeth, fidgeting (and excessive ejaculations, obviously), etc., to be able to develop your capacity for high levels of energy. I LOVE THIS STYLE OF THINKING. I really adore it. I really do. But I’m not 100% sold on the fidgeting thing. According to Andrew Huberman, fidgeting is an automatic instinct that some people have that gets rid of excessive energy (calories), and therefore contributes to maintaining homeostasis to weight control, as fidgeting can burn up to 1000-1500 calories a day. Nevertheless, controlling fidgeting is a nice way to develop the ego’s control of the body, which is, in my opinion, a masculine pursuit. So, I’m 50/50 on this one.

Anyways. The book is not merely about having intercourse and orgasms. It touches upon what the meaning of being a man really is what it means to live with an open heart. It describes a philosophy of being.

Quoty time!

“If I had ejaculated too frequently, or if my own internal energy was low for other reasons, then the weight of her mood would bend me. I would attempt to figure out what was happening and right myself through mentally muscular means: argument, analysis, and insistence.”

“But if my internal energy was full, then my girlfriend’s moods of push and pull would not sway me. I could relax my mind and stand on one leg of love, feel through her mood into her true need, combine myself with her energies, and dissolve in the openness of our love.”

What do I want from my work, from my sexing, from my friends, from my family? What do I want altogether in my life, more than anything else? An ejaculation is not it. What I really want is a depth of openness far beyond the cycle of tension and release afforded by a genital spurt.”

Deida hits the nail on the head here. At some point or another, you have to question your existence as an internal combustion energy of build-up and release, build-up and release. Is this all that the great treasures of the revered act of sex can offer? It seems like, exactly as Deida put it in words, an infinite loop that goes round and round.

It might be reasonable to try to discard pursuing the whims of sexuality altogether, considering how base you realize it at certain moments of clarity. I think, however, a better approach exists, one which Deida advocates, namely to try to examine what this sexual force is really after, what it truly longs for, and to consider the possibility that the reason why we’re stuck in an infinite loop of desire and release is that we’re going after it unskillfully.

By questioning these topics, we are suddenly thrown into the dungeon of the most fundamental questions of our existence, which is perhaps why these things are so difficult to think about, and we’d rather just discard this pursuit as over-philosophical and geeky.

While some mental models are useful, I would argue that this is not just an “intellectual pursuit,” rather, this type of contemplation is more about developing a deep sense of listening and feeling of what lies at the core of your being, rather than calculating, engineering or figuring out a mental puzzle.

“I woke up in the morning feeling fine. My first thoughts were about what I needed to do that day, my schedule, and responsibilities. I wanted a little extra get-up-and-go, so I had some coffee before heading out the door. The day was OK, but I realized that it had not been the right time for me to ejaculate. I felt the subtle sense of inner ambiguity or lack of depth that I know can be exacerbated by inappropriate ejaculations.”

A subtle sense of inner ambiguity or lack of depth. Deida has a way of describing things! This book is definitely the number #1 resource I’ve “come” (again, the pun) across on having a proper understanding of ejaculations and orgasms. This is not to say that ejaculations are to be avoided for all eternity, but it’s about being in tune with oneself and developing a deeper understanding of what you really want out of life.

The extent to which we can love determines the depth and fulfillment of sex. Sex expresses our special individuality and opens our authentic spontaneity in the union of joy, acceptance, and love.

Sexual techniques are trivial compared to the practice of letting love overcome the securities of fear and ego.

Imagine a baby crying, and you want relief from it annoying you. There are skillful and unskilful ways of handling it. An unskillful way would be to tape the baby’s mouth to stifle the crying. A better way would be to soothe the baby with a pacifier. But to the depth you’re fulfilling, what the baby really wants is to the degree it’s skilful. Maybe you give the baby a bottle of milk, but what it really needs is a deep connection with the mother.

Same with sexual desire. Unskilful ways of handling its “incessant crying” might be being alone, spurting out to the desperate sight of porn, renting an escort, or getting drunk and having one-night stands, etc. The skillful way depends on what you are feeling and needing on a deeper level. Maybe it is unleashing your creativity in art, expressing your emotion in music, doing something that is unambiguously your purpose, or maybe rapture your woman with merciless love,sharing your masculine gifts engrossed in beautiful vulgarity, being renewed and refreshed by the circulation of healing properties of the polarity of energy that’s been flowing throughout and between the bodies.

Let’s talk about food!

“For many people, eggs are a powerful revitalizer after excess ejaculation. In fact, eggs are often considered a normal breakfast food among many people who are addicted to frequent ejaculations. If you eat a vegetarian diet without any meat, eggs, or milk products, then almonds are an excellent post-ejaculative replenisher.”

Funny how my body craves almonds at certain specific times. Again, goes to show why I find this book so loveable and relatable.

Okay, back to talking about orgasms!

In addition to a lengthy commentary on men’s orgasms, Deida also goes into detail of women’s orgasms.

In contrast to most men’s orgasms, Deida states that women increase their levels of energy and openness from orgasms. This goes strictly against the premise of the book “Cupids poisoned arrow.”. However, Deida acknowledges women can have depleting orgasms if they are shallow and unloving.

It does seem to me that Deida is correct. Let’s just say, then, that women, for the vast majority, are more loving and giving when they have nice orgasms - and it also depends, of course, on the quality and depth of the orgasms. There’s no such thing as an “orgasm,” as a comparable unit, I mean, the quality varies so tremendously for men, I cannot imagine how it would be for a woman.

The three types of orgasms for women are #1) Clitoris, #2) Vaginal, and #3) Cervical. Each type typically requires more trust, openness, surrender, and love in their respective order. The vaginal, or G-spot orgasms and cervical orgasms are what typically are necessary for a deep emotional and spiritual reception of love.

Deida puts the “Cupid’s poisoned arrow” book (one which vilifies orgasms) into perspective. A perfectly reasonable explanation would be that the people who report less love and openness from having orgasms are simply not orgasming deeply enough.

The G-spot area, and the cervical area to an even higher degree, is a place of residue of chronic tension from trauma and emotional baggage. And so sex, done patiently, lovefully and with open breathing and feeling, can gradually resolve these traumas and open up the capacity for orgasms. This echoes Reich’s idea that pursuing orgasmic potency is key to solving neuroticism, an idea I believe has a lot of merit.

I would also extend this thought to the rest of the body. We have “character armor” in our muscles, internal “knots” of energy, for example in our hips, stomach, hearts, etc., and the warmth of loving sexual energy flowing through the body would be analogous to how hot water dissolves and breaks up dried up residue in pipes and such.

“No matter how perfect her lover’s technique is, a woman will not relax deeply enough to experience a G-spot orgasm unless she trusts and opens to her own sexual energy as well as her partner’s. If she is afraid of being seen in the midst of profound pleasure, she will close down.”

“Always feel the effects of your foot play. Don’t impose some weird sexual play on your lover just because you think it’s a neat idea.”

Exactly. Same with positions. Don’t just do stuff because you think it will make you “a better lover to please her,” instead, be sensitive to the subtle changes in the sexual current of energy when doing things … experiment and FEEL the effects of what you’re doing.

“If she feels her partner is weak in his masculine direction in life—for instance, his financial or spiritual purpose is unclear—she won’t open to receive him completely.”

This describes perfectly the limitations of reading books about sex. You can have all the perfect knowledge, know all the techniques, etc..… but what really is the bread and butter of sex is to what degree she can open herself up to you from a feminine trust in you.

Man, I can go on and quote Deida forever. This book is worth a read, and a re-read, and a re-re-read.

As with his other book, the Way of the Superior Man, I don’t really disagree with anything.

One thing I’d mention, just for the sake of trying to balance things out a bit, is that Deida puts a lot of emphasis on “awareness of the other,” meaning to be deeply present and sensitive to the subtle energy of the other, oneself and even the room. To communicate about what feels good, etc., and openness and, again, this acute awareness and deep states of consciousness facilitate what we truly want out of sex.

However, I can’t help but think he didn’t mention the polar opposite, which to me is even more liberating when you’re in a state of mind where you don’t even consider what the woman is feeling, there is no “communication,” no feeling of subtle energies, you don’t care about what she’s feeling, you’re in a state where she’s no longer a person, and so talking to her or considering her needs doesn’t even cross your mind.

The irony I’m trying to point out is that there is some “virtue” in not being aware of the feelings of your woman. So the interesting question would be, is this just a sort of “local maximum?” if we set this as the ideal, we move away from what Deida is talking about, which is about deep connection, instead of objectification in an animalistic state of mind, despite the fact that women find this desirable, pleasurable and validating.

As I wrote in my review of The Way of the Superior Man, while these books may light a flashbulb above your head, the real power of these is the alteration of your course by a fraction of a degree so that your ship is an entirely different place in five or ten years. On this journey, Deida leaves us with the following advice: combine stalwart self-discipline with moment-to-moment freshness, delight, and a large dollop of intuitive creativity.

[Axel Flodin vacher]

Practical book that might introduce new ways of thinking about sexual practices. Has a spiritual aspect to it that could be fun to explore.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could have done without some of his personal sharing regarding his adolescent sexual experiences and fantasies, but I appreciated his elaboration on energy, anatomy, and the role of love in ability for the body to "wake up" and for lovers to reach ecstatic bliss (I learned a lot about my body that I'd never known and found very "enlightening"). There are no affiliations with any specific type of spiritual path purported, and the aim of the author seems to be about the lessons of connectivity, receptivity/openness, and how the sharing of love between two lovers; physically and emotionally, can open us to all of life's experiences and to giving love to others and the world.

[joui · Rating 4 out of 5]

Always wondering what was missing in your sex life? David D. has many insightful, inspiring, beautiful ideas surrounding sexuality and spirituality. For both men and women...and even what he says about women shows a deep connection and compassion for the fairer sex.

[Timm]

Tantric practices at their most distilled and most currently refined form. Pre-requisite for the performance of sex magick. Recommended to accompany a regimen of Yoga for the deepest and most liberating effect. This is THE MANUAL for cultivating and navigating an enlightened life of play.

[Daniel Rodriguez Del Villar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too mystical

This book is way to mystical, I don’t think there is any objective way of measuring progress in any way.

As subjective as all this seems to be, I think there no harm in trying out these techniques and philosophy.

[A Rye · Rating 5 out of 5]

How stimulating.


Sorry, couldn't resist.

[Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring, intriguing, a new approach to sex and what it means for two lovers to come together

[Ivano Porpora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Molto interessanti gli esercizi di respirazione.

[Rajat Bansal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing reading - for a detailed reivew, please refer to my my book reviews blogpost

[On the Road · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been a fan of David Deida's work - I really like the way he teaches relationships through a spiritual lens and the yin-yang dichotomy of masculinity and femininity, not least because as a spiritual person, a lot of what he said rings really true to my experience.

It's really lovely to learn we can also approach sex on a spiritual level - aka, enlightened sex - sex not just to reproduce and share pleasure with another, but also a space to feel accepted, to connect as two conscious, to find God. (very advanced concept, I know.)

Something new: the person with a feminine sexual essence - someone who feels the most alive by being the light and offering the range of emotions - prefers to be intimate with someone with a masculine essence who has a more still conscious and directional energy to guide and lead. In the realm of sexuality, she wants her heart and spirit to be penetrated by the depth of his conscious mind, to be taken and led by him. He wants to experience freedom and variety, a range of colourful emotions, to witness lights and textures radiated through her heart.

If she doesn't feel seen by him and understood deeply by the depth of his conscious, she wouldn't be touched. If he couldn't experience the variety of her spirits, he would feel uninspired and dulled.

Wow. mindblowing. the gift of the feminine and the gift of the masculine are so different. they are meant to complement each other.

This really makes me recall that all the experiences I eventually got wary of, were with people who I didn't feel understand me, didn't see me deeply, and were more concerned with being the light and their own self image than to see mine. I always knew something about that dynamic felt a little off to me but I couldn't quite articulate why. Now I know.

[Juan Sanoja · Rating 4 out of 5]

David Deida es un sabio.

En el tema de las relaciones de pareja, no cabe duda, es EL autor.

De prosa sencilla, jocosa y directa, Deida mezcla lo mejor de Oriente y Occidente para explicar todo lo que se esconde detrás de la unión entre lo femenino y lo masculino.

De su gran obra (‘El Camino del Hombre Superior’) aprendí innumerables conceptos (ver review) y con este nuevo libro me topé con unas cuantas perlas más.

Algunas de ellas:

“For many people, being relaxed means being low energy. They feel at ease only when they are depleted of energy, such as after a full meal or an orgasm. They can't handle long periods of high energy without feeling hyper, stressed, or anxious. They can't wait to have a beer, chat with a friend, watch TV, stuff their faces, or masturbate”.

“Their shifting moods - upset, anger, lust, lack of interest -had, in effect, been a kind of test: Would I continue to be an energetically disadvantaged nerd, trying to reduce everything to words and mentalized communication, giving up when their emotional flows didn't fit into my mental boxes? Or would I feel their deep flows of energy-which spoke the heart's true desire - and dance with the push and pull of their moods so we could both relax in love? Usually, because I didn't know any better, I had given up in exasperation.

I realized that I had been using my mental muscles to try to figure out and change my girlfriends' moods. But their emotional flows of energy were much more powerful than my seemingly more
"muscular" mind. My girlfriends bent me every time”.

*(‘Lo femenino siempre parecerá caótico desde el punto de vista masculino’ -> Deida en El Camino del Hombre Superior)*

“Growing up, I was raised to treat boys and girls, men and women, equally. To me, that meant treating them the same. I simply had no idea that in intimacy, sameness is not sexy. It was a while until I learned that magnetic sexual polarity is based on the attractive play between masculine and feminine forces, which are equal in power, but also very different. Sex is the play of their differences, their push and pull, their interpenetration, union, and pleasurable unity. But a mushy soup of neutered sameness is not the basis for sexual play”.

“If you have ever seen a great athlete perform, then you have seen grace in motion. Great athletes remain deeply relaxed, even when they are very active. This combination of relaxed ease and skillful activity is the hallmark of bodily genius. The same quality of graceful fluidity can be found in great musicians, singers, and dancers, as well as basketball, baseball, and football players. Spiritually evolved individuals, such as saints and true mystics, often evidence a uniquely graceful economy of movement.

As your practice of enlightened sex develops, your movements become more and more like those of a great athlete, dancer, or saint. Rather than flail like a worm in a frying pan, you move more like the waves rolling across an ocean-powerful, serene, and vast. Your heart opens through your body and beyond, so every movement is generated by the force of love. Your belly and genitals are full of energy, and all action emanates from your energy-full lower belly. Your tempo of thrust and spine undulates with the rhythm of your inhalations and exhalations”.

“You can look at two people, a conventional lover and a superior lover, and see the difference. Throughout the day, at work as well as in bed, the conventional lover swings between an agitated mode of frantic activity and a collapsed mode of tired depletion. The superior lover, however, steadily acts with great force and creativity - resting when appropriate but not collapsing due to an exhaustive spurt of energy.

To develop this capacity for sustained high energy, practice plugging your energy leaks and circulating the energy as it builds in your body. Don't fidget. Don't eat unnecessary snacks. Don't ejaculate or orgasm too often. Don't talk excessively. Don't watch TV or read newspapers, catalogs, books, and magazines simply due to habit. Don't grind your jaw or tap your pencil unconsciously.

If you stop depleting your energies through these habitual means, you may first notice yourself getting anxious to some degree. This is because your body is being filled with more energy than it is used to handling. In the past, you might telephone a friend or masturbate in the shower to release energy and decrease your internal force. Now, since you have plugged many of these leaks, your internal pressure builds”.

“If you can't smile in the midst of your practice, you are taking it too seriously”.

“You still act, but you are no longer acting in order to become or to get”.

“Most people have become accustomed to kisses and hugs, a few yanks or caresses, perhaps some licks and sucks, several minutes of warm and wet genital friction, and finally a burst of energy that releases into a peaceful, tension-free sense of relaxed depletion. This kind of sex is considered normal, even good. It is unfortunate that our culture leaves most people completely uneducated in the higher enjoyments and deeper blisses of sexuality”.

“A good lover knows how to make the body sing. But a great lover, a superior lover, evokes a vast choir of bliss.

A good orgasm is satisfying, but a great orgasm can be a revelation of your deepest being, unfolding the bright truth of who you are in ecstatic communion with your lover”.

“We eventually learn that emotional closure is our own action. We can be responsible for it. In any moment, we can choose to open or to close.

We hold back the spontaneous and powerful expression of love flowing through our bodies. We do this primarily by suppressing our breath”.

“The way of the superior lover is about practicing being who you truly are. It is not about changing yourself. It is about recognizing who you are, deeply and really - who you already are, who you have always been, and who you will always be. It is about becoming stable in this recognition, so that all of your actions - throughout the day and even during your dreams at night - radiate spontaneously from this relaxed and natural openness of being, rather than from your stressful needs and fears”.

[Artur Jegesi · Rating 5 out of 5]

David Deida once again, along with his Way of the superior man, managed to create a piece of art addressing an often neglected part of our busy life. The principles around polarity, energy and consciousness explored in this book are unparalleled.

3 most impactful ideas from this book:

1. The significance of our energy is far greater than it is perceived to be. We must first learn to feel our life energy in moments of stillness and meditation. Once we become aware of it, we can learn to circulate life energy down the front of our bodies, contract our pelvis and send energy up our spine into our heads. This technique can not only be helpful in our personal lives but also if we are feeling tired or unfulfilled throughout the day.

2. Becoming more present by eliminating every chance to distract ourselves with food, sex or mental stimulation with our phones, we cultivate a higher supply of energy that we must circulate and manage throughout our bodies.

3. You must solve your underlying emotional kinks or else they will negatively absolve you. Kinks are created in our emotional circuit by traumatic experiences, but by staying present and breathing through this areas of trapped energy, we can dissolve our energy kinks.

[Guilherme Zeitounlian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This "sex book" is very atypical for many reasons: it is not a review of what science has found about sex, nor is it a collection of observations of a sex therapist.

Instead, it is a rather personal account of the author's sex life, along with a few instructions in a rather poetic and mystical language.

As good points, the book emphasizes breathing and pelvic floor exercises as important tools for a more deep sexual experience.

In that respect – esoteric as that may sound – thinking/visualizing energy moving through your body might actually help.

Also, it might help your sexing to think about love, connection, openness... and all that imprecise language.

Why? Because sometimes it is better to simply be involved in the mystical experience of sex – than it is to reduce sex to hormones, friction, and neurotransmitters. That we can go beyond the latter in our sex life, I am sure. 4/5

[Joseph Knecht · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatively short and practical read on sex and spirituality. The majority of the texts is written in order to open your mind to the different view on sexuality. The rest is practical advice on how to circulate and increase sexual energy.

Some quotes:
We resist opening without limits because our superficial self wants to feel itself as something - even a tense, unfulfilled some• thing - rather than nothing, sheer openness, love without borders, deep being without end.

Either you are living as love or you are lost in the drama of your own story to one degree or another.

The power of sexual energy flowing between lovers is usually deter• mined by the feminine partner's openness to love and pleasure; the depth with which sexual energy flows between lovers is usu• ally determined by the masculine partner's capacity to circulate energy consciously.

[Aimi Tedresalu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Selle raamatuga toimunu meenutab kunagist juhtumit, kuidas vaatamiseks filmi valisime ja otsustasime treileri põhjal, et see peaks küll natuke naljakas ka olema. Filmi lõppedes selgus, et ainult need paart treileris näidatud kohta olidki naljakad. Raamatu lõin uudiskirjanduse leti ees lahti, lugesin paar katkendit ja mõtlesin, et võiks ju täitsa tutvuda. Ja tegelikkuses peale ühe peatüki ma sealt enda jaoks loetavat ei leidnudki. Jah, ilmselt olen ma ise piisavalt ratsionalist ja skeptik, nii et see kaanel lubatud "intiimsuse pühal maastikul välgunoolena mõjuv autor, mis heidab enda ümber imelist valgust" oma imenoolega minuni ei jõua. Aga kel neid probleeme pole ja huvi on, siis muidugi võib lugeda, ega ta nüüd nii hull ka ei olnud.

[Ben Sandeen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't get past the first page, so I can't review the whole book, but I think the fact that I couldn't stomach reading further is telling enough to warrant a review.

It starts off immediately talking about some woo-woo mumbo jumbo about how inhaling lets you accept energy and exhaling lets you release energy, and then compares inhalation and to birth and death, respectively. That was enough trash to shovel into my brain, and I decided to drop the book immediately. I don't need to waste my time with junk like this. Thankfully, I checked this book out from the library, so I didn't forfeit any money over this, which is probably the only thing approaching a redeeming quality

[Carrie Bashford · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is a great manual for those that want to increase their awareness and have a truly wonderful experience in the bedroom - especially for men to understand what works for women. It also poses questions - Can enlightened sex happen with anyone? Do you need a foundation of emotional intimacy in order to fully open up to another person? Are the feelings yours alone or are you actually feeling the other person’s feelings. ....Is that the point of enlightened sex? To lose yourself, completely, in the other person? Definitely sparks many discussion points...

[Kaberoi Rua · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good artists are skilled, but great artists convey an immense depth of feeling through their expertise. The same goes for the art of sex. A good lover knows how to make the body sing. But a great lover, a superior lover, evokes a vast choir of bliss - David Deida

The Enlightened Sex Manual shows how to transform the often willy-nilly flow of stimulated genital energy into a profound depth of feeling, openness, and embodied ecstasy.

The best part of this book were the breathing and squeezing exercises.

[Anthony Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like Deida. I don't like that we live in an age where any attempt at parsing the feminine and masculine requires a level of constant apology in the writing. It was much the same in The Way of the Superior Man, the first book of Deida's that I read.

The secret is always breathe deeply and be present huh? Sex. Magic. Enlightenment. Stoicism. Breathe and be present.

Now give me my millions.

[Mi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though I already knew that sex and lovemaking are deeply spiritual experiences, this book helped me put words to what I had always felt. I will revisit its chapters often, and I highly recommend that both partners read it so they can grow together into Superior Lovers.

Always remember to keep your heart open and to love, love and love, even when you are hurt.

[Silvio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love, awareness, energy;
Heart, body, breath

Inhaling down the front,
Exhaling up the spine.
x1000

A lot of repetition in this book. It's basically an article sold as a book. Nevertheless very valuable information, and very nice and readable language. But could've been an article.

[Palbachan Sandhu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Magical art of breathing in and out to conserve the energy by making a loop with your tongue connected with your mouth roof is nice know. Further doing everything with love rather than involving in the act is very important with openness. ☺️👍

[Amanda C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I keep reading Deida’s work despite controversy surrounding him and his philosophies around relationships. There’s value in plenty of what he writes-leave the rest. Mid and end chapters I enjoyed more than the first 10.