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Why Dads Leave: Insights & Resources for When Partners Become Parents
When John W. Travis, MD, lauded as one of the founding fathers of the wellness movement, became a parent, he was shocked to discover how unprepared he was for coping with the emotional challenges of parenthood. Here his wife and colleague, Meryn Callander, shares the story of their confident plunge into parenthood and the subsequent unraveling of that confidence, as they discovered themselves floundering, exhausted and struggling to deal with the challenges confronting them. Why Dads Leave reveals the cultural and generational forces that are colluding to create an unac- knowledged epidemic of disappearing dads--fathers leaving their families, physically or emotionally, soon after the birth of a child. Nearly twenty years in the making, this book provides insights and practical ways of preventing and healing the insidious and devastating impact of this dynamic. Beautifully written, compassionate, and unflinchingly honest, Why Dads Leave offers understanding and hope for men and the women who love them.
- GenresParentingPsychology
354 pages, Paperback
First published July 20, 2011
7 people are currently reading
484 people want to read
About the author
Meryn G. Callander
4 books11 followersMeryn Callander was born in Portland, Australia, in 1952. She graduated from Monash University, Melbourne, with degrees in both economics and social work. At 25, she quit her position working with children in crisis, feeling she was doing little but applying Band-Aids to gaping wounds. Searching for that illusive something more, she headed to Europe, and then the U.S.
It was there she met John W. Travis, M.D., known to many as the founding father of wellness. Their marriage and professional partnership spanned almost three decades, during which time they pushed the leading edges of wellness—going well beyond the popular focus on nutrition and physical fitness, into the mental and emotional, interpersonal and spiritual dimensions of wellbeing. They co-authored several pioneering books on wellness, and facilitated seminars and retreats in the U.S. and internationally.
In 1993, Meryn became a mother. After decades of working in adult wellness, she gleaned a whole new appreciation of how profoundly our early years impact the wellbeing of the adults we become. In 1999 she co-founded, and served for several years as president of, the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children. The Alliance emerged from a core group of interdisciplinary experts dedicated to supporting caregivers, professionals, and policymakers in practicing the art and science of nurturing children.
Why Dads Leave: Insights and Resources for When Partners Become Parents (whydadsleave.com) grew out of their journey through the early years of parenting. While John stayed well beyond the challenges of those early years, their experiences compelled her to identify the dynamics underlying the epidemic of men leaving their families—physically or emotionally—soon after the birth of a child, and how couples can grow together rather than apart. The book offers insights and practical ways of preventing the devastating impact of this dynamic.
Her latest book, After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity is a reflection of her concern at the escalating rates of infidelity and the devastation that is left in its wake. How can we, as women, make good of our heartbreak? And how might we avoid—or heal from—the trauma of infidelity?
Meryn is a counselor, spiritual intuitive, and akashic reader.
It was there she met John W. Travis, M.D., known to many as the founding father of wellness. Their marriage and professional partnership spanned almost three decades, during which time they pushed the leading edges of wellness—going well beyond the popular focus on nutrition and physical fitness, into the mental and emotional, interpersonal and spiritual dimensions of wellbeing. They co-authored several pioneering books on wellness, and facilitated seminars and retreats in the U.S. and internationally.
In 1993, Meryn became a mother. After decades of working in adult wellness, she gleaned a whole new appreciation of how profoundly our early years impact the wellbeing of the adults we become. In 1999 she co-founded, and served for several years as president of, the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children. The Alliance emerged from a core group of interdisciplinary experts dedicated to supporting caregivers, professionals, and policymakers in practicing the art and science of nurturing children.
Why Dads Leave: Insights and Resources for When Partners Become Parents (whydadsleave.com) grew out of their journey through the early years of parenting. While John stayed well beyond the challenges of those early years, their experiences compelled her to identify the dynamics underlying the epidemic of men leaving their families—physically or emotionally—soon after the birth of a child, and how couples can grow together rather than apart. The book offers insights and practical ways of preventing the devastating impact of this dynamic.
Her latest book, After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity is a reflection of her concern at the escalating rates of infidelity and the devastation that is left in its wake. How can we, as women, make good of our heartbreak? And how might we avoid—or heal from—the trauma of infidelity?
Meryn is a counselor, spiritual intuitive, and akashic reader.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
November 25, 2014
As a relationship counsellor, one of my first questions to a couple is "when did things start to change between you?" Inevitably, and usually only discovered in hindsight, it will be after the birth of their first child.
This is why we need relationship preparation in antenatal classes: much disconnection between couples (and potentially family breakdown) can be prevented this way.
Why Dad's Leave is, in my opinion, essential reading for therapists and professionals working with perinatal clients. It gives insight into a new father's perspectives, giving words to what too often remains out of awareness and therefore unspoken between a couple. Whatever remains unspoken can erode the foundations of a family.
According to the book, 30% of fathers in the U.S. leave in their baby's first three years. With more understanding of the issues that may lead them to, we can reduce this statistic and create families that meet each member's needs for support, understanding and connection.
Highly recommended. Elly Taylor, Becoming Us.
This is why we need relationship preparation in antenatal classes: much disconnection between couples (and potentially family breakdown) can be prevented this way.
Why Dad's Leave is, in my opinion, essential reading for therapists and professionals working with perinatal clients. It gives insight into a new father's perspectives, giving words to what too often remains out of awareness and therefore unspoken between a couple. Whatever remains unspoken can erode the foundations of a family.
According to the book, 30% of fathers in the U.S. leave in their baby's first three years. With more understanding of the issues that may lead them to, we can reduce this statistic and create families that meet each member's needs for support, understanding and connection.
Highly recommended. Elly Taylor, Becoming Us.
April 14, 2015
Incredibly insightful book! Reading this was like having a looking glass into the inner workings of my husband and the subsequent effect on myself and our marriage since our daughter was born. The occurrence of the syndrome of Male Postpartum Attachment Disorder (MPAD) was defined and described clearly and then backed up with great amounts of research and complementary material. The circumstances of how it occurs were also defined in great detail.
Honestly - reading the book was like having the light switch turned on. I had been so confused about why my husband seemed to be deeply and unconsciously depressed despite the fact that everything external in his/our life was seemingly going great. The book illuminated the reasons and I knew with a deep inner resonance that "this" was what was happening for us - MPAD.
I feel great appreciation for the work of Meryn Callander and John Travis in dedicating so much time to collating this substantial body of work for the benefit of families.
Honestly - reading the book was like having the light switch turned on. I had been so confused about why my husband seemed to be deeply and unconsciously depressed despite the fact that everything external in his/our life was seemingly going great. The book illuminated the reasons and I knew with a deep inner resonance that "this" was what was happening for us - MPAD.
I feel great appreciation for the work of Meryn Callander and John Travis in dedicating so much time to collating this substantial body of work for the benefit of families.
April 7, 2015
Meryn Callander's ability, willingness, and courage to unravel what our society has been in denial of for centuries is uncanny. She has shown many well-documented reasons why "Dads" end up "running away" mentally, emotionally, even physically when their baby enters the picture. We can only wonder why this sad phenomenon has not previously been recognized. This book urges us to have a deeper look, not only at men when they become Dads, but also at men's life journeys, and what is often missing even before they become dads. I hope that because of this astounding work, many many other readers' curiosity and interest in this subject will come alive so that culturally, we begin to help heal what has been lurking beneath our awareness for far too long. For some odd reason, my own father stayed fully present. He was clearly an exception to the rule. I feel blessed . . .
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews