Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families

by Karen M. Pavlicin

As part of today's active duty or reserve forces, your loved one may be called to war, peacekeeping missions, anti-terrorism campaigns, field exercises, disaster relief, and many other duties far from home--and you.

Surviving Deployment is your personal guide to turning an otherwise lonely and challenging situation into a positive experience.

Learn what to expect, how to prepare, and how to personally grow as individuals and families. Your survival gear will range from a sturdy toilet plunger to the fine art of letter writing. You'll manage financial changes, help children express their feelings, and discover a renewed appreciation for everyday life.

Solid information. Practical checklists. Personal stories from hundreds of families.

Genres: Military Fiction

320 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2003

About the author

also published under the name Karen Pavlicin

Reviews

[Keri · Rating 3 out of 5]

I imagine that this book was probably more helpful to people when it came out than it is today. I benefited from reading about all of the emotional stages, but a lot of the practical advice was less helpful (for example, they suggested setting up an email account so your spouse can get email from you at the unit's account... Hmm.) I had already gleaned a lot of the info in here from blogs and Pinterest but it was still worth a brief perusal. Just maybe not the only thing a spouse should have in their arsenal.

[Christina Kelsch · Rating 2 out of 5]

As others have reviewed, this book is pretty dated in terms of available technology and resources. But for a first time spouse it contains good information. Seasoned spouses need not read.

[Mommy Joe Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is fantastic and the only one out there like it! I loved the studies! They were so good!

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, I wouldn't put this book on the very top of your "to read" list if you're about to experience a deployment, but it is free from militaryonesource.com, and it wasn't a TOTAL waste of time. Mostly I suggest reading it if you've already ordered it (for free), otherwise I would pick different free books from the website.

It's supposed to be an all in one, prep/survival guide for the spouses of deployed military members. However, I didn't love it for these reasons:

1. Only on rare occasions in the book did the author ever reference a deployment longer than 6 months. My husband was gone for about 17 months total last time, and will be away about 14 months this time. So hearing the stories about how hard it is when you hit that "hump day" 3 months in, knowing you still have 3 MONTHS LEFT, really sounded dumb.

Also, I used to say that this will be Dale's second deployment (since he will be in Iraq all of next year,) and would shake my head in awe of the women who reported to me that their husbands had deployed 8 times during their 12 years of marriage (or whatever). Then one recently said something like that to me, adding, "But his longest deployment was only 3 months, so I can't imagine him being gone for over a year at a time." WHAT? Apparently people count short 1-6 month activations as deployments. I was only counting it as a DEPLOYMENT if they were gone over a year. So actually, my reservist husband is about to leave on his 7th deployment. Tomorrow is our 8 year anniversary. So there, Snooty Air Force Wives.

Maybe I am grumpy today. But I also read a Facebook post yesterday where a wife typed "We only have a few more weeks together as a family before my husband leaves.." What is he doing, you ask? He's going to a training school for 3 months. Three months? In my mind, three months gone is barely worth mentioning. What is three months? You would have thought he was dying from the posts. Yeesh.

Okay, where was I? Why did I not love this book? Oh, yeah.

2. It's sort of out of date. It was published in 2003, and most of her experiences were from the 90's. Now we have email, Facebook, blogs, websites, better phone connections, digital cameras, etc... It did make me happy to be a military wife today, I suppose.

3. There was too much information about EVERYTHING that could possible humanly go wrong during a deployment. Like, a section on what to do during tornadoes, contact info for Runaway kids, lists of plumbing supplies you should purchase to have on hand, credit counseling, the food pyramid, disciplinary techniques, and information about each and every program offered in every branch of the military, ever. (Which I think is all out of date now, anyway.) If it were my first deployment (when I was a panicked nutcase) I would have bought $2,000 worth of unnecessary supplies, worried about tornadoes striking, and lived in terror that someone would most certainly break into my house if I didn't properly secure the doors one night. And that my newborn baby would run away from home because he felt abandoned by a dad he didn't even know existed.

4. What were my other reasons for not loving the book? I can't remember. But here is what I have to say to anyone experiencing their first deployment - you will think you're dying, but you'll live. You'll come out of it way tougher, and think lots of people around you are big babies. Just keep those thoughts to yourself (well, you can tell OTHER military wives). By the time the second deployment rolls around, you won't look forward to it but you'll be much, much saner.

Also, there is nothing wrong with asking for military discounts every where you go, like restaurants, plumbers, rodeos, whatever. Always ask.

[Neligh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been searching for books about deployment that could spin me up on how they have changed since my spouse was last in the military (2002) and, if I'm really lucky, not just tell me the nuts and bolts of what to expect but maybe share some wisdom on how best to cope. This has been less than easy for two reasons. One: most of the literature is still pre-9/11. Second, no NEX or MCX seem to carry any books beyond romance novels and Christian texts. Nothing wrong with either of those, but I think they're missing an obvious need.

I came across this particular book on Amazon a year ago but put off buying it until recently; the cover was just too grim and gloomy (with that color scheme, I expect the title to actually be "Barely Surviving Deployment" or "Surviving Deployment only to Drop Dead of Exhaustion Immediately Afterwards"). If I had been able to flip through it in some way or another, I would have known then what I know now: of the handful of current books on this subject that I've come across, this one is far and away the best.

It's crammed with both practical information and anecdotes from a number of families; it has answered a lot of my questions and concerns. The tone is encouraging and just having it I feel like something is Within My Control (no trivial thing to achieve in this lifestyle).

I recommend it to every military spouse I know and would like to see it in every base library, every LINKS office, and every last NEX/MCX.

Now if I could just find a current book about a spouse's life in the aviation community (or the pilot equivalent of One Bullet Away)...

update 9/5/09: Found it! It is Standing By The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

While not nearly as engaging as Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman's Guide to Raising a Military Family, this book still offers valuable tips and descriptions of the various phases of deployment. However, there is only so much reading I can take right now about the different pre-, during, and post-deployment emotional cycles and all the thousands of lists to create and complete. This is another book I just received yesterday in the mail, and I believe we will be fine just finishing the already fairly extensive lists we created based on the readiness briefings and Heroes at Home: Help and Hope for America's Military Families. But I do plan to continually refer to this book through the entire deployment, and I think it will be even more helpful if/when we ever have deployments with small children.

[Lindsay · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book to be lacking. I have experience as an Army wife and Army National Guard wife and I'm always looking for resources to suggest or gift to new military wives or wives going through their first deployment. This book is not geared toward Army or Army National Guard where deployments are sometimes 9 months to a year, or even longer. Additionaly, some of the terms used are not "Army" terms and could be confusing to a new Army/Army National Guard spouse. This may be a good tool for someone who just moved out of their parents house and is a brand new military wife, or someone who is not use to taking care of things at home. Some of the information is extrememly basic. That being said there are a few pieces of information in some of the chapters that may be helpful. It is not the worst military spouse book I've read but this is not high on my list of recommendations to military wives. Also, some of the contact information listed in this book (like who to contact in an emergecny, Red Cross, etc.) is often available for free at Yellow Ribbon events or through your FRG leader.

[Madelyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I would have survived my husband's two deployments without this book, but it's always good to have a reminder that you're not alone.

[Sarah R · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of the information is outdated or is stuff I already knew, but the chapter on the stages of a deployment made the whole book worth reading.

[Teresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gave great insight on what to expect from a deployment before, during, and after. A great read for first-timers!

[Katie Colvin]

Just starting it, hope it is good and makes me feel better!