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Hidden Away
Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “No man and no force can abolish memory.” John Oakes and Kurt Fournier are living proof of the truth behind those words. Since the horrors of the Second World War, John and Kurt have been trudging through existence, bleeding from wounds that have never healed. Now they’re at the crossroads of the 1950s: the war may be over, but the battle to find lasting peace has just begun.
John, a PhD student at UC Berkeley and a battle-hardened veteran, floats through his postwar life until he catches the mysterious Kurt secretly playing a university piano. John thinks he may find comfort in Kurt’s company but doesn’t know how to connect with a man who lives a life of such careful solitude. Guilt and regret threaten to cripple their hopes for a normal life. No man is an island, so John and Kurt must risk their hearts to find happiness. Unfortunately, memories and enduring fears can paralyze even the strongest man.
John, a PhD student at UC Berkeley and a battle-hardened veteran, floats through his postwar life until he catches the mysterious Kurt secretly playing a university piano. John thinks he may find comfort in Kurt’s company but doesn’t know how to connect with a man who lives a life of such careful solitude. Guilt and regret threaten to cripple their hopes for a normal life. No man is an island, so John and Kurt must risk their hearts to find happiness. Unfortunately, memories and enduring fears can paralyze even the strongest man.
340 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 30, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
March 3, 2013
This historical novel tackles a difficult subject - the concentration camps of WWII loom large in the past of both MCs. For John, because he saw and did horrible things when he liberated a camp as part of the American military, and for Kurt, because he wore the pink triangle in a camp and lived through years of hell there. In my opinion, the author did a good job of neither softening nor exploiting that painful part of history. The flashbacks set in the camps are very dark and painful, hard to read, and verge on too much. Yet, I imagine the author was determined to remind an increasingly distanced audience that homosexuals were among the victims of the Nazis, and that they suffered even more than some other groups due to the disdain with which they were viewed. In the hellish world of the concentration camps, those men were often on the lowest rung and faced the worst treatment.
In addition, some of the plot was no doubt intended to give the MC a reason for having survived that long, when life expectancy for gay men in the camps was measured in a few months. The brutality had more of a "lest we forget" feel than an exploitative one or an attempt at shock value. Although, perhaps in an effort not to be too explicit, it sometimes also did not seem to carry enough emotional weight. No doubt numbness was necessary to Kurt for survival, but for me the result was a couple of occasions which felt slightly repetitive and superficial when in fact it was horrific.
This is a book about PTSD, when it was called "shell shock". A book of hope and recovery. I liked the fact that John was imperfect, that he started out on the wrong foot, suspecting Kurt of being a Nazi, and made the wrong move more than once in trying to get closer to Kurt later. At the same time, I think in the last quarter of the book he seemed a bit insensitive and oblivious. This book also has one of my personal pet peeves in it, so take the loss of a star with that in mind.
This book will no doubt be controversial, as any book that uses abuse of any kind as a motivator for its characters can be. When rape and torture are involved in fiction, appropriate description walks a fine line, in between excessively banal and exploitative. In this case, particularly, because the sheer magnitude of suffering of Holocaust victims demands respectful treatment. It is my opinion that this book for the most part succeeds in both illuminating a part of history that is becoming forgotten, and in doing so in a way that is appropriate. If you don't know what the pink triangle meant, before it was appropriated as a more positive statement of gay sexual orientation, and you can handle a blunt exposure of man's historical inhumanity, read this one.
In addition, some of the plot was no doubt intended to give the MC a reason for having survived that long, when life expectancy for gay men in the camps was measured in a few months. The brutality had more of a "lest we forget" feel than an exploitative one or an attempt at shock value. Although, perhaps in an effort not to be too explicit, it sometimes also did not seem to carry enough emotional weight. No doubt numbness was necessary to Kurt for survival, but for me the result was a couple of occasions which felt slightly repetitive and superficial when in fact it was horrific.
This is a book about PTSD, when it was called "shell shock". A book of hope and recovery. I liked the fact that John was imperfect, that he started out on the wrong foot, suspecting Kurt of being a Nazi, and made the wrong move more than once in trying to get closer to Kurt later. At the same time, I think in the last quarter of the book he seemed a bit insensitive and oblivious. This book also has one of my personal pet peeves in it, so take the loss of a star with that in mind.
This book will no doubt be controversial, as any book that uses abuse of any kind as a motivator for its characters can be. When rape and torture are involved in fiction, appropriate description walks a fine line, in between excessively banal and exploitative. In this case, particularly, because the sheer magnitude of suffering of Holocaust victims demands respectful treatment. It is my opinion that this book for the most part succeeds in both illuminating a part of history that is becoming forgotten, and in doing so in a way that is appropriate. If you don't know what the pink triangle meant, before it was appropriated as a more positive statement of gay sexual orientation, and you can handle a blunt exposure of man's historical inhumanity, read this one.
March 14, 2015
**Note: This is by far the hardest review I have written yet. Forgive the haphazardness of it please. I am still quite a mess.**
I consider my self a pretty smart gal. I am not saying that to be conceded. I have this OCD tendency to NEED to know everything. If I am interested in it, I just have to know. Having this need, I love it when I am challenged with what I do NOT know. A new piece of information that gets into my head, bounces around until I quiet it with research. Why do I say this? I learned something new with this book. Something I am truly ashamed I was unaware of and feel very naïve about that fact. I plan to remedy that soon.
The title of this book has so many meanings to me. The relationships of gay men being hidden, the reality of homosexuals in concentration camps “the pink triangle men” and the horrors, the secrets the both John and Kurt have deep inside that will tear them apart if they keep them Hidden Away.
Told between dual POV’s of John and Kurt we learn their pasts and how it will shape their relationship today. John was a soldier in the war and ordered to do unspeakable things that haunt his days and nights which begin to blend in a frightening way. He drinks himself into a state of mind to try to forget, wrestling with the guilt for lives he took, forget for the lives he cannot save and all he wants is a quiet life.
Kurt, I have to say his back story tore my heart out. From a promising young pianist finding his first love with the violinist Peter Waldenheim to being arrested and thrown Mauthausen, a concentration camp and marked with a pink triangle for being homosexual…I ached for him. The sweet yearning he felt with Peter; every tentative, careful word that came from his mouth to the freedom he finally felt by falling in love was torn from him. The horrific treatment inside the camp was endured with the hope of release from the hell he was in but with a few words whispered in his ear, You are my sanity. You do what’s needed to survive, he will endure for his love.
Hidden Away is a very emotional read and to be honest I am having a difficult time writing this. I cannot stop the tears as I go over this story. I am not sure this review is even coherent. Not only is this a story about two men trying to figure out their role in a decade where Leave it to Beaver was the norm but they are dealing with the after math, the “shell-shock” of being involved in a war. Both men have secrets from their role on the front lines of horror during the Nazi regime.
This book has stirred so many emotions in me. It hits upon issues that are relevant today and ones I cannot let go of the horror the Pink Triangle Men faced in the camps. It horrifies me, it breaks my heart and there is no way I will forget it. The story is not easy to read, it is a difficult subject matter but the author delivers in a beautiful and amazing way. Nothing is shoved down your throat; nothing is glossed over or made to look like it is something it is not. This book is honest. The story is real and it makes you feel. I dare you to read this, even if it’s not your normal genre and not feel anything. It would be impossible.
I am thankful I read this though it was tough and still hurts to think about it. The story in the camps was awful but the story of Kurt and John finding each other is so sweet, so tender and so full of hope. The struggle the both have to find the peace they need, to let one help the other pulls at my deepest emotions. I cannot get them out of my head or let them go.
I consider my self a pretty smart gal. I am not saying that to be conceded. I have this OCD tendency to NEED to know everything. If I am interested in it, I just have to know. Having this need, I love it when I am challenged with what I do NOT know. A new piece of information that gets into my head, bounces around until I quiet it with research. Why do I say this? I learned something new with this book. Something I am truly ashamed I was unaware of and feel very naïve about that fact. I plan to remedy that soon.
The title of this book has so many meanings to me. The relationships of gay men being hidden, the reality of homosexuals in concentration camps “the pink triangle men” and the horrors, the secrets the both John and Kurt have deep inside that will tear them apart if they keep them Hidden Away.
What’s the point of living if we can never feel love?
Told between dual POV’s of John and Kurt we learn their pasts and how it will shape their relationship today. John was a soldier in the war and ordered to do unspeakable things that haunt his days and nights which begin to blend in a frightening way. He drinks himself into a state of mind to try to forget, wrestling with the guilt for lives he took, forget for the lives he cannot save and all he wants is a quiet life.
I need a quiet man. One who can understand simple human emotions. One who does not try to overpower or lesson those emotions by talking loudly or by use of physical bravado. If I let myself – if he pushes me to – I would spill my guts and let him help me.
Kurt, I have to say his back story tore my heart out. From a promising young pianist finding his first love with the violinist Peter Waldenheim to being arrested and thrown Mauthausen, a concentration camp and marked with a pink triangle for being homosexual…I ached for him. The sweet yearning he felt with Peter; every tentative, careful word that came from his mouth to the freedom he finally felt by falling in love was torn from him. The horrific treatment inside the camp was endured with the hope of release from the hell he was in but with a few words whispered in his ear, You are my sanity. You do what’s needed to survive, he will endure for his love.
Hidden Away is a very emotional read and to be honest I am having a difficult time writing this. I cannot stop the tears as I go over this story. I am not sure this review is even coherent. Not only is this a story about two men trying to figure out their role in a decade where Leave it to Beaver was the norm but they are dealing with the after math, the “shell-shock” of being involved in a war. Both men have secrets from their role on the front lines of horror during the Nazi regime.
This book has stirred so many emotions in me. It hits upon issues that are relevant today and ones I cannot let go of the horror the Pink Triangle Men faced in the camps. It horrifies me, it breaks my heart and there is no way I will forget it. The story is not easy to read, it is a difficult subject matter but the author delivers in a beautiful and amazing way. Nothing is shoved down your throat; nothing is glossed over or made to look like it is something it is not. This book is honest. The story is real and it makes you feel. I dare you to read this, even if it’s not your normal genre and not feel anything. It would be impossible.
I am thankful I read this though it was tough and still hurts to think about it. The story in the camps was awful but the story of Kurt and John finding each other is so sweet, so tender and so full of hope. The struggle the both have to find the peace they need, to let one help the other pulls at my deepest emotions. I cannot get them out of my head or let them go.
All forbidden things will be accepted. Goodness and rightness will always win; we just need to be patient and smile at the beauty that is present.
January 29, 2023
I think this is the first book I rate five stars that I regret reading. I’m not cut out for this kind of painful reading. I went to bed at 6 in the morning and my husband said I was sobbing in my sleep. Kurt, dear Kurt, I love him so much . So so much. I didn’t really connect with John nor did I see the point of their forced love story. Kurt loved Peter with everything he had and I don’t really think he could love John or anybody else for that matter . John sort of bullied him into a relationship and Kurt (who in my opinion wasn’t ready or inclined) went with it because he felt numb and why not. I really don’t know why they got together .I didn’t believe in their “happy ending” and for me the real love story here was Kurt’s love for Peter . Funny, I felt the same for the main characters in “The tin box” (another book that made me sob for days) - the main love story there was also meh
Honestly, I wasn’t expecting this from the blurb and I think some warning should be issued -this book is not for everybody -the main story here , in my opinion, is Pete and Kurt’s hell in the nazi camp. It’s hard to read and traumatic. So be aware.
Honestly, I wasn’t expecting this from the blurb and I think some warning should be issued -this book is not for everybody -the main story here , in my opinion, is Pete and Kurt’s hell in the nazi camp. It’s hard to read and traumatic. So be aware.
January 5, 2013
This is a really confronting book. It's the story of John, a WW2 vet who is suffering from severe PTSD particularly related to his involvement in the liberation of the concentration camp, Dachau. The constant nightmares, flashbacks, heavy drinking and suicidal ideation seem to be getting worse instead of better. One day John sees a German man playing piano in the university he attends and swiftly becomes obsessed with him.
The story is told in alternate POV's. John's is set in 1951 and follows his relationship with the very introverted and damaged Kurt. The other POV's is Kurt's and follows his musical career in Berlin, the young love he forms with his fellow musician Peter, and their journey into total horror and despair as they are sent to Mauthausen concentration camp for being homosexual.
I knew practically nothing of the 'pink triangle' prisoners in the concentration camps. It's important that such a terrible episode in history is never forgotten and the author should be commended for it. It's wonderful that she was able to tell this story in the form of a beautiful love story. I hope it gets some recognition in the Lambda Literary awards.
Having said that, this was a hard book to read. As Kurt's story neared it's climax in Mauthausen I was really tempted to skim past it. I didn't want to read what happened to Peter. John's struggle was almost as bad as Kurt's and I probably identified more with his shellshock (having nursed many Vietnam vets when I was young and worked in war zones myself) than with the concentration camp experience. I've cried literally buckets reading this novel. BUCKETS! But it was worth it. These characters and their story will stay with me forever.
The story is told in alternate POV's. John's is set in 1951 and follows his relationship with the very introverted and damaged Kurt. The other POV's is Kurt's and follows his musical career in Berlin, the young love he forms with his fellow musician Peter, and their journey into total horror and despair as they are sent to Mauthausen concentration camp for being homosexual.
I knew practically nothing of the 'pink triangle' prisoners in the concentration camps. It's important that such a terrible episode in history is never forgotten and the author should be commended for it. It's wonderful that she was able to tell this story in the form of a beautiful love story. I hope it gets some recognition in the Lambda Literary awards.
Having said that, this was a hard book to read. As Kurt's story neared it's climax in Mauthausen I was really tempted to skim past it. I didn't want to read what happened to Peter. John's struggle was almost as bad as Kurt's and I probably identified more with his shellshock (having nursed many Vietnam vets when I was young and worked in war zones myself) than with the concentration camp experience. I've cried literally buckets reading this novel. BUCKETS! But it was worth it. These characters and their story will stay with me forever.
January 8, 2013
Wow.
Just. Wow.
This was one amazing story. I have such mad respect for this author. Easiest 5 star rating I've ever given. This was beautiful and haunting and so damned authentic and respectful of the subject matter. I truly am just trying to catch my breath after finishing this.
This is not an easy read, emotionally. But the writing is fantastic. First POV John is told in 1951. He is suffering from terrible PTSD after his part in the American Army's liberation of the camps. He's spiraling out of control, moreso after he hears the beautiful Kurt playing piano. Kurt's POV is told from the time of WWII, chronicling Kurt and his beloved Peter's love story that ends with them in a Nazi internment camp, locked up with their pink star for being homosexuals.
I am so pleased, because I'm always baffled by people's underwhelming knowledge of this period in LGBT history; some not even knowing that a significant amount of gay men (as many as 50,000 interred, up to 15,000 perishing) were victims of the 3rd Reich. I have a huge love of history (studied it extensively in college, even getting fortunate enough to take a flagship LGBT studies course) so when I saw what this book was about I was nervous as to the author's ability to sell me on something that I myself have done papers and research on. Well, I've never been so thoroughly impressed.
This is not just an amazing M/M but an amazing fiction. The sex was never graphic enough that you'd be uncomfortable letting a friend who may not read M/M read, and I recommend it, honestly.
GAH! But I cried through the entire final half of the book. Ugh, the BREAD! And the south of France. I honestly don't think I've EVER cried so hard as I did for Peter. Beautiful, full of life, free bird Peter. He was so open and he had such a love of life. It was horrible to see the life he found so beautiful turned to something so fucking ugly.
I'm sorry. I've just never found any book that I wanted to gush over quite this much (and we all know how I go on and on and on over Amy Lane. #fangirl)
Read this one, but be prepared for some serious tears, man. Awesome AWESOME work JW Kilhey. Definitely can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeves.
Just. Wow.
This was one amazing story. I have such mad respect for this author. Easiest 5 star rating I've ever given. This was beautiful and haunting and so damned authentic and respectful of the subject matter. I truly am just trying to catch my breath after finishing this.
This is not an easy read, emotionally. But the writing is fantastic. First POV John is told in 1951. He is suffering from terrible PTSD after his part in the American Army's liberation of the camps. He's spiraling out of control, moreso after he hears the beautiful Kurt playing piano. Kurt's POV is told from the time of WWII, chronicling Kurt and his beloved Peter's love story that ends with them in a Nazi internment camp, locked up with their pink star for being homosexuals.
I am so pleased, because I'm always baffled by people's underwhelming knowledge of this period in LGBT history; some not even knowing that a significant amount of gay men (as many as 50,000 interred, up to 15,000 perishing) were victims of the 3rd Reich. I have a huge love of history (studied it extensively in college, even getting fortunate enough to take a flagship LGBT studies course) so when I saw what this book was about I was nervous as to the author's ability to sell me on something that I myself have done papers and research on. Well, I've never been so thoroughly impressed.
This is not just an amazing M/M but an amazing fiction. The sex was never graphic enough that you'd be uncomfortable letting a friend who may not read M/M read, and I recommend it, honestly.
GAH! But I cried through the entire final half of the book. Ugh, the BREAD! And the south of France. I honestly don't think I've EVER cried so hard as I did for Peter. Beautiful, full of life, free bird Peter. He was so open and he had such a love of life. It was horrible to see the life he found so beautiful turned to something so fucking ugly.
I'm sorry. I've just never found any book that I wanted to gush over quite this much (and we all know how I go on and on and on over Amy Lane. #fangirl)
Read this one, but be prepared for some serious tears, man. Awesome AWESOME work JW Kilhey. Definitely can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeves.
November 9, 2021
Troppo riduttivo definire questo libro un romance M/M.
Un romanzo straziante che ti stringe il cuore in una morsa e te lo fa a brandelli.
Fa male, è vero, ma nello stesso tempo, dona un messaggio importante.
Un libro che consiglio a tutti, perché "tutti" siano consapevoli. Tutti devono sapere, perché "la conoscenza rende liberi".
Un romanzo straziante che ti stringe il cuore in una morsa e te lo fa a brandelli.
Fa male, è vero, ma nello stesso tempo, dona un messaggio importante.
Un libro che consiglio a tutti, perché "tutti" siano consapevoli. Tutti devono sapere, perché "la conoscenza rende liberi".
June 3, 2013
It took me a few days to write this review because I had to find a way to put into words the soul-deep effect this book had on me.
Amazing, beautiful, ugly, moving, engaging, fascinating, terrifying, nauseating, emotionally charged, passionate, educational, eye-opening. These are some of the adjectives that came to me while trying to describe this work of art. I can't believe that this is only J.W. Kilhey's second published novel. The professional quality (aside from monor editing errors which I have found common with every e-book publisher except Riptide) was as impressive as the thoroughly researched history.
The novel follows two parallel story lines. It begins in 1941 where we find a gay Kurt in Austria. Kurt is an amazingly gifted pianist in love with an equally gifted violinist. At first, it isn't clear how this plotline will intersect with the second one, which shows us John in Berkley in 1951. Then the magic happens. Ms. Kilhey weaves a story that not only brings these two men together, but brings them together in a way that had me going through an entire box of tissues.
In almost all romance novels, one or both of the main characters is "damaged". Hidden Away will teach you a new defininition of the word. John suffers from an extremely severe case of PTSD (called shell shock at that point) and I believe that Kurt does also.
We see John and Kurt come together with the aid of Jules, a professor at Berkely and close (only) friend to Kurt. These two men who seemingly should be enemies take two steps forward and one (sometimes five!) step back again and again in their budding friendship. They eventually realize that though their experiences were on opposite sides of the suffering spectrum, they both struggle immensely to make sense of what they were a part of and to live again. They learn to trust one another. Kurt opens up to John in ways he hasn't to anyone else before. John realizes that Kurt is able to help him through his flashbacks and nightmares and (stereotypically, but no less moving because of it) finds dreamless, peaceful sleep in Kurt's arms.
This doesn't even begin to cover the depth of this book. John and Kurt eventually develop a loving, committed relationship. It is far from perfect, but no relationship is perfect. They love and respect each other. They each understand the dramatic effect WWII had on the other and work within the parameters of their scars.
I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. It is not a light read. At times, it is difficult to read. Ms. Kilhey handles the events of the time as delicately as possible. Some things that humans do to one another just cannot be made palatable. Hidden Away is, however, a personal look at one of the most shameful times in human history from both sides of events.
I have ordered one of the reference books Ms. Kilhey noted in her afterward. I am ashamed that American historians, while writing heavily about the deaths of over 6 million Jews at the hands of the Nazis, seem to virtually gloss over the death of an estimated 5 million others, including homosexual men and a small number of lesbians.
Please buy this book (and a box of tissues) and read it.
Amazing, beautiful, ugly, moving, engaging, fascinating, terrifying, nauseating, emotionally charged, passionate, educational, eye-opening. These are some of the adjectives that came to me while trying to describe this work of art. I can't believe that this is only J.W. Kilhey's second published novel. The professional quality (aside from monor editing errors which I have found common with every e-book publisher except Riptide) was as impressive as the thoroughly researched history.
The novel follows two parallel story lines. It begins in 1941 where we find a gay Kurt in Austria. Kurt is an amazingly gifted pianist in love with an equally gifted violinist. At first, it isn't clear how this plotline will intersect with the second one, which shows us John in Berkley in 1951. Then the magic happens. Ms. Kilhey weaves a story that not only brings these two men together, but brings them together in a way that had me going through an entire box of tissues.
In almost all romance novels, one or both of the main characters is "damaged". Hidden Away will teach you a new defininition of the word. John suffers from an extremely severe case of PTSD (called shell shock at that point) and I believe that Kurt does also.
We see John and Kurt come together with the aid of Jules, a professor at Berkely and close (only) friend to Kurt. These two men who seemingly should be enemies take two steps forward and one (sometimes five!) step back again and again in their budding friendship. They eventually realize that though their experiences were on opposite sides of the suffering spectrum, they both struggle immensely to make sense of what they were a part of and to live again. They learn to trust one another. Kurt opens up to John in ways he hasn't to anyone else before. John realizes that Kurt is able to help him through his flashbacks and nightmares and (stereotypically, but no less moving because of it) finds dreamless, peaceful sleep in Kurt's arms.
This doesn't even begin to cover the depth of this book. John and Kurt eventually develop a loving, committed relationship. It is far from perfect, but no relationship is perfect. They love and respect each other. They each understand the dramatic effect WWII had on the other and work within the parameters of their scars.
I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. It is not a light read. At times, it is difficult to read. Ms. Kilhey handles the events of the time as delicately as possible. Some things that humans do to one another just cannot be made palatable. Hidden Away is, however, a personal look at one of the most shameful times in human history from both sides of events.
I have ordered one of the reference books Ms. Kilhey noted in her afterward. I am ashamed that American historians, while writing heavily about the deaths of over 6 million Jews at the hands of the Nazis, seem to virtually gloss over the death of an estimated 5 million others, including homosexual men and a small number of lesbians.
Please buy this book (and a box of tissues) and read it.
January 18, 2013
Is it possible to give more than 5 stars? I wish I could this book deserves it.
How to write this review totally eludes me. I will try to do my best to put some thoughts down about this amazing story but I'm sure I can't come close to doing this book justice and I know nothing I write will make me happy.
It was especially hard for me to read, as I’m sure it was for others because I had family members that lived through WWII and ones that didn’t. I grew up hearing very little about what happened, my Dad didn’t or couldn’t talk about it much but what he did tell us always broke my heart for him and anyone that was there. It’s always been so hard to believe that people could be that cruel to others that did nothing to them personally but were a part of a some “group” that were unacceptable in there world. J.W. Kilhey has done an amazing job with this historical story recounting things that I think a lot of people don’t know happened and it’s a good reminder to the ones that do know not to forget. If it weren’t for family members personal accounts of what they went through I wouldn’t know, this was something that wasn’t written about in the history books I learned from in school and it should be.
This story was gut wrenching for me to read I think I cried through most of it and bawled through the rest, I don’t recall any book that has been able to do that to me. The story of what John, Kurt and Peter go through is horrendous and a lot of time stomach churning, I had to put it down many times to recoup before I could go on. I don’t want to tell any of the story I would rather people just read it without outside influence to get the full effect. This is one of those stories that needs to be read. (sorry I know I’m repeating myself)
Even though this is a story with hate and violence that will make you cringe and scream it is also a beautiful story of love and forgiveness and of two incredible people that work to get back some of what was lost to them.
You will fall in love with John, Kurt and Peter it’s just not possible not to. These guys and their story will stay with me for a very long time, as difficult as it was to read I’m so very glad I did.
This is not insta-love nor is it erotic so if that is what you are looking for you will not find it but this is a book I highly recommend!
Thank you J.W. Kilhey for writing an absolutely brilliant story.
March 14, 2014
*This review contains spoilers*
10 POWERFUL UNPUTDOWNABLE STARS
There are no words that I have that can give this book justice. NONE.
This book was just so POWERFUL.
I felt like I got hit by a Mac Truck.. Like I was watching the collision course. I was watching that Mac Truck barrel towards me and there was nothing I could do to alter its path.
J.W. Kilhey tackled a really tough subject and did so in such a poetic way.
It was rough and brutal and so freaking raw.
AND
It was beautiful.
This book was so eye opening for me. It's fiction yes, but it could totally be a biography for some. And that makes me so freaking sad. So so sad.
There were points where I had no breathe left. Where I felt every punch, every kick, every uncalled for assault.
There were points where I had no breathe left. I felt every touch, every whisper, every caress.
" I wish I could write poetry because I could fill books with the rush I feel at the simple touch."
There were points where I wept, but most of all I just felt numb all over.
J.W. Kilhey wrote this in a way that you FELT like you were there. Right there. Feeling every single moment in time.
Kurt Fournier: German decent, a musician, shy, quiet, awkward, and a homosexual in a time when Hitler thought he could rule the world.
God. I felt EVERYTHING for Kurt and with Kurt. His strength and perseverance could make a grown man weep. The things that were done to him, made me sick, made my blood boil and made my heart hurt in so many ways that I didn't know what to do with myself. Do I cry? Do I scream? Do I throw my e-reader against a wall?
And then he made me breathless. Peter and Kurt's love was so special.
" There are still beaches where the waves crash and the little colourful creatures burrow in the sand. Water still flows and creates the music of nature. Grass still grows. It still feels the same way beneath your feet. People still touch. Still connect. Still kiss. The whole world is something to smile about. Just open yourself up to it."
They were over before they even really started. But their love would be eternal. Bright, golden and shining in such bleak and dim conditions. The author portrayed the concentration camps in ways that movies I have watched could not. It was all so vivid and heartbreaking. The coloured triangles. This broke me.
Peter's demise. OH GOD. Still can't even think about it without chocking up.
Kurt survived.
"I am lonely. In the camp I was surrounded by people. Thousands of them. Five or six men to a bunk near the end. But I was alone."
"Being alone in a crowd is harder than isolation," I say.
John Oakes~ American, Army, PTSD, bold, charismatic, smart and a homosexual fighting against a tyrant
When John meets Kurt the ray of emotions that he goes through will give you whiplash. Is he a Nazi? Did I almost kill him? Kurt brought John right back to Dachau. Its just as heart wrenching to watch John get eaten by guilt. Guilt for killing soldiers that were thrown into the camp while all the wrong party (SS) are gone running scared. My thoughts are that he saved lives that day. But I wasn't there to witness all the dead bodies and the skeletons of men. I can't even wrap my mind around the mistreatment of woman and men because they "didn't fit" an image of a tyrant.
I also had so much grief for John because I didn't know if he would ever measure up to a Ghost.
Cause essentially Peter was a ghost in his relationship with Kurt, and it hurt him.
"What would I say to him anyway? What did I think would happen? He isn't ready for any of this. He isn't willing to be a part of any of this. He is a broken man, and I can't fix him. As I get lost in alcohol and cigarettes, I realize I can't even fix myself."
The story is told between alternate POV's. Kurt's is the past while John's is in the present with disturbing dreams that brings his past to light. It is absolutely heart breaking 90% of the time. The beauty I found in this book was in the love. So blessed was my Kurt to find such love not once but twice. And for me, who needs to know that everyone in this world gets a HEA, my heart just nearly burst from my chest. The sentences ate my heart out.
"Good? The fact that I- that we- have to live by a silent rule book should infuriate him, It infuriates me that he is so quick to accept that our lots in life are the be hidden away, never allowed to express love openly. I know the way of the world quite well. I know I can never hold his hand as Jules holds Flori's, but that doesn't mean I am content to accept it."
I have to say that the "world" has taken great strides to become a better place since Hitler tried to rule it. Slavery, segregation, women voting, Interracial marriages/relationships, GAY MARRIAGE have become a norm for us and I have to say that I'm so happy to have grown up with a generation that has so much love in their hearts for EVERYONE. Yes we still have racism, and bullies, and bigots but they are getting to be few and far between. And when my 10 year old daughter tells someone " what does being gay have to do with you anything" we have done something right. Because no one should ever be treated so brutally just because they love.
The ending was so good. Soo good. I don't think I would have wanted it to end any other way.
Kurt and John are still slightly damaged, they always will be. You don't survive stuff like WWII and concentration camps, seeing that much death and so much fucking WRONG and come out completely healed. You just don't. But you can lay some demons and start a healing portion and start living the rest of your life, somewhat less scared and more open.
"As we step through the doorway, so close our shoulders are pressed together. I get the sense that we both understand this brief sojourn into the past is the only avenue into the future. We move to the side, letting anyone behind us pass. After a minute, I feel him take my left hand in his right. Although I am still not comfortable with these types of public affection, I accept it. There are other vetrans here, clutching the hands of other men, family members, war brothers, sons. Nothing about us sets us apart today. Soon we will embark on our exploration, and I hope that in confronting that day, it brings John the freedom he needs, but for now-for this moment- we are content to stand together, hands linked, no longer hidden."
Mare~Slitsread
10 POWERFUL UNPUTDOWNABLE STARS
There are no words that I have that can give this book justice. NONE.
This book was just so POWERFUL.
I felt like I got hit by a Mac Truck.. Like I was watching the collision course. I was watching that Mac Truck barrel towards me and there was nothing I could do to alter its path.
J.W. Kilhey tackled a really tough subject and did so in such a poetic way.
It was rough and brutal and so freaking raw.
AND
It was beautiful.
This book was so eye opening for me. It's fiction yes, but it could totally be a biography for some. And that makes me so freaking sad. So so sad.
There were points where I had no breathe left. Where I felt every punch, every kick, every uncalled for assault.
There were points where I had no breathe left. I felt every touch, every whisper, every caress.
" I wish I could write poetry because I could fill books with the rush I feel at the simple touch."
There were points where I wept, but most of all I just felt numb all over.
J.W. Kilhey wrote this in a way that you FELT like you were there. Right there. Feeling every single moment in time.
Kurt Fournier: German decent, a musician, shy, quiet, awkward, and a homosexual in a time when Hitler thought he could rule the world.
God. I felt EVERYTHING for Kurt and with Kurt. His strength and perseverance could make a grown man weep. The things that were done to him, made me sick, made my blood boil and made my heart hurt in so many ways that I didn't know what to do with myself. Do I cry? Do I scream? Do I throw my e-reader against a wall?
And then he made me breathless. Peter and Kurt's love was so special.
" There are still beaches where the waves crash and the little colourful creatures burrow in the sand. Water still flows and creates the music of nature. Grass still grows. It still feels the same way beneath your feet. People still touch. Still connect. Still kiss. The whole world is something to smile about. Just open yourself up to it."
They were over before they even really started. But their love would be eternal. Bright, golden and shining in such bleak and dim conditions. The author portrayed the concentration camps in ways that movies I have watched could not. It was all so vivid and heartbreaking. The coloured triangles. This broke me.
Peter's demise. OH GOD. Still can't even think about it without chocking up.
Kurt survived.
"I am lonely. In the camp I was surrounded by people. Thousands of them. Five or six men to a bunk near the end. But I was alone."
"Being alone in a crowd is harder than isolation," I say.
John Oakes~ American, Army, PTSD, bold, charismatic, smart and a homosexual fighting against a tyrant
When John meets Kurt the ray of emotions that he goes through will give you whiplash. Is he a Nazi? Did I almost kill him? Kurt brought John right back to Dachau. Its just as heart wrenching to watch John get eaten by guilt. Guilt for killing soldiers that were thrown into the camp while all the wrong party (SS) are gone running scared. My thoughts are that he saved lives that day. But I wasn't there to witness all the dead bodies and the skeletons of men. I can't even wrap my mind around the mistreatment of woman and men because they "didn't fit" an image of a tyrant.
I also had so much grief for John because I didn't know if he would ever measure up to a Ghost.
Cause essentially Peter was a ghost in his relationship with Kurt, and it hurt him.
"What would I say to him anyway? What did I think would happen? He isn't ready for any of this. He isn't willing to be a part of any of this. He is a broken man, and I can't fix him. As I get lost in alcohol and cigarettes, I realize I can't even fix myself."
The story is told between alternate POV's. Kurt's is the past while John's is in the present with disturbing dreams that brings his past to light. It is absolutely heart breaking 90% of the time. The beauty I found in this book was in the love. So blessed was my Kurt to find such love not once but twice. And for me, who needs to know that everyone in this world gets a HEA, my heart just nearly burst from my chest. The sentences ate my heart out.
"Good? The fact that I- that we- have to live by a silent rule book should infuriate him, It infuriates me that he is so quick to accept that our lots in life are the be hidden away, never allowed to express love openly. I know the way of the world quite well. I know I can never hold his hand as Jules holds Flori's, but that doesn't mean I am content to accept it."
I have to say that the "world" has taken great strides to become a better place since Hitler tried to rule it. Slavery, segregation, women voting, Interracial marriages/relationships, GAY MARRIAGE have become a norm for us and I have to say that I'm so happy to have grown up with a generation that has so much love in their hearts for EVERYONE. Yes we still have racism, and bullies, and bigots but they are getting to be few and far between. And when my 10 year old daughter tells someone " what does being gay have to do with you anything" we have done something right. Because no one should ever be treated so brutally just because they love.
The ending was so good. Soo good. I don't think I would have wanted it to end any other way.
Kurt and John are still slightly damaged, they always will be. You don't survive stuff like WWII and concentration camps, seeing that much death and so much fucking WRONG and come out completely healed. You just don't. But you can lay some demons and start a healing portion and start living the rest of your life, somewhat less scared and more open.
"As we step through the doorway, so close our shoulders are pressed together. I get the sense that we both understand this brief sojourn into the past is the only avenue into the future. We move to the side, letting anyone behind us pass. After a minute, I feel him take my left hand in his right. Although I am still not comfortable with these types of public affection, I accept it. There are other vetrans here, clutching the hands of other men, family members, war brothers, sons. Nothing about us sets us apart today. Soon we will embark on our exploration, and I hope that in confronting that day, it brings John the freedom he needs, but for now-for this moment- we are content to stand together, hands linked, no longer hidden."
Mare~Slitsread
January 29, 2020
Ho cominciato a leggere questo libro il 27 gennaio, un modo mio personale di onorare il giorno della memoria e l'ho scelto proprio per il suo essere "unico" del genere, un mm ambientato nei campi di concentramento. Ci ho messo due giorni per finirlo perché spesso mi sono dovuta fermare e respirare.
Essere un omosessuale è già arduo ai giorni di nostri, essere un omosessuale durante gli anni '50 era proibitivo, essere un tedesco omosessuale durante la seconda guerra mondiale è da "suicidio". Un romanzo narrato con delicatezza anche nella sua crudezza, l'autrice non ha usato espressioni gravi, ma ha dato modo lo stesso di percepire il marcio del mondo sulla propria pelle. Mi dispiace solo che è un romanzo poco conosciuto perché una realtà come quella dei triangoli rosa va raccontata per forza.
Essere un omosessuale è già arduo ai giorni di nostri, essere un omosessuale durante gli anni '50 era proibitivo, essere un tedesco omosessuale durante la seconda guerra mondiale è da "suicidio". Un romanzo narrato con delicatezza anche nella sua crudezza, l'autrice non ha usato espressioni gravi, ma ha dato modo lo stesso di percepire il marcio del mondo sulla propria pelle. Mi dispiace solo che è un romanzo poco conosciuto perché una realtà come quella dei triangoli rosa va raccontata per forza.
February 10, 2020
Ho avuto bisogno di qualche giorno per metabolizzare tutte le emozioni che questo romanzo mi ha suscitato, non è stato facile leggerlo, perché veramente non è possibile che siano esistiti mostri simili... E dopo aver sentito tante testimonianze di sopravvissuti, aver visto tanti film, e letto tanti libri sull'olocausto, mi accorgo sempre più di quanto sia vera la frase di Primo Levi : " Se comprendere è impossibile, conoscere è necessario".
Più leggo, più conosco e più mi chiedo, come sia stato possibile tanta aberrazione e cattiveria? È una domanda a cui non avrò mai una risposta!!!
E questo libro mi ha fatto conoscere un altro tassello orribile, la sorte degli omosessuali nei campi, brutale e insensata, quanto la sorte degli ebrei... Si questo è un romanzo, ma l'autrice si è ampiamente documentata...Per non dimenticare mai, perché non avvenga più un orrore simile, leggiamo, la conoscenza ci renderà liberi, come ci dice l'autrice ❤️❤️
Più leggo, più conosco e più mi chiedo, come sia stato possibile tanta aberrazione e cattiveria? È una domanda a cui non avrò mai una risposta!!!
E questo libro mi ha fatto conoscere un altro tassello orribile, la sorte degli omosessuali nei campi, brutale e insensata, quanto la sorte degli ebrei... Si questo è un romanzo, ma l'autrice si è ampiamente documentata...Per non dimenticare mai, perché non avvenga più un orrore simile, leggiamo, la conoscenza ci renderà liberi, come ci dice l'autrice ❤️❤️
April 23, 2016
Once I heard in a movie that it’s not a good idea to put together a sad boy with a sad girl. I think there is some truth in that, like Peter Bruegel’s picture “If a blind man leads a blind man both will fall into a pit”.
Too much pain together can’t be good. But then we meet John’s thoughts: Kurt understands him, there is not need of words. I don’t know yet which is the winning belief, maybe it depends on the person, rather than the generalization to the human being at a whole.
This book has been a vain attempt. I admit I’ve cried in one chapter (what’s not to cry for, anyway?) because the topic is sad, and that’s why it’s difficult for me to separate the feeling the Holocaust itself has grown in me and the feeling this book tries to portray. I’ve read some books about concentration camps, and seen even more movies. I rebel against the topic because I believe only Jews are remembered and I don’t think it fair. It seems only Jews exist in the movies, but the Gulag is nonexistent. It seems religion is Hitler’s main reason and the rest of “degenerates” are less.
Russians are forgotten, gypsies are forgotten, political prisoners are forgotten, foreigners are forgotten, dwarfs and sick people are forgotten, old people are forgotten.
Homosexuals are forgotten.
And, lastly, the raw cruelty of this theme repels me to the opposite direction. I didn’t know exactly what this book was about, I expected a different perspective when I read it was about concentration camps, I thought there would be a post-war story with some isolated flashbacks but that was not the case. There are two parallel plots here, each one of them from the pov of each MC.
John’s story is set the 50s. He and his unit liberated Dachau in the spring of 1945. He never overcame the war with its suffering and pain. He has bad dreams that haunt him. He forgets periods of his actual life with the resulting loss of memory gaps. He can’t forgive himself and the past. But it all gets worse when one day he catches a college’s janitor playing the piano. There is something in his looks and accent that awakens something in him and chases his sanity. In the end, he has to get to know this man, and pursues him. But knowledge is not easy and light, it brings even more pain and suffering. And mixed with it all, he begins to fall for something he didn’t know he would find.
Kurt’s tale is set in the 40s, he is an Austrian pianist who moves to Munich and joins the orchestra where he meets Peter, a violinist.
This story is beautiful and sad, pure and ugly. They fall in love and manage to be happy for a short while, but betrayal brings him to Mathausen, next to his beloved, and hell on Earth releases on them both. This is the tale I liked most. It’s awful and poetic, I wanted cover my face with my hands, reading between my fingers.
Because it’s absolutely heartrending, on one part due to the situation, on the other part due to what people who love are forced to do for those they love.
I liked this book and ignited some sentiments within me, but my issue is that, in spite of getting the MC’s emotions, they were sensed far away, like deafened, like the sound thought water. I could feel close to the characters in certain moments, but in others it seemed like the first time I meet them. I could feel close to Kurt in this pov, but I couldn’t feel the same with John, or with Kurt in John’s pov. Even more, I couldn't understand why do they fall for each other.
It’s like there are missing small pieces, but they are important to make the bigger ones shine. It looks like a tarnished picture that had lived better times, or like I had skipped pages, or like some sentences were erased accidentally. It frustrated me because it could have been a wonderful novel, but sometimes I find a pea that annoys me while sleeping on fifty mattresses and there is nothing to do.
July 8, 2022
Dolore ecco cosa si prova a leggere questo libro. Due uomini distrutti dalla stessa guerra, da atrocità che altri uomini hanno combattuto. Oggi c'è "forse" più libertà per l'amore di quanto ce ne fosse nei decenni e successivi alla guerra , ma c'è ancora chi è costretto a nascondersi, e non dovrebbe essere così. Ognuno dovrebbe poter amare chi vuole. Perché Love is Love ❤️
January 13, 2013
REVIEW WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED AT REVIEWS BY JESSEWAVE WHERE I RECEIVED THE BOOK AS FREE REVIEWING COPY
Warning: book contains explicit physical and sexual violence.
“The older inmates told us the average life expectancy of a queer or a Jew in Mauthausen was only a few months. Six at most.
“Yet you survived three years. How did you do it?”
He lifts his head slowly, training his eyes on me, and finally he answers in a quiet voice, “Any way I could”.
I am sure many readers have subjects, themes, topics which are important to them for one reason or another. As different as those subjects may be for each of us, when we encounter them in mm literature (any genre, really, I am just specifically talking about stories that include romantic storylines now), we may be especially sensitive to how the writer portrays those themes. The Second World War is one of those subjects for me. Not because of a very in depth knowledge I have of it (although I would not call myself ignorant on that topic either), but because of family members surviving (and a lot of them not surviving) throughout the war. What I am trying to say is that I am usually very very nervous and worried when I pick up the book about the horrors of that war. I feel like that if you choose to write about romance during that time, you still have to treat the subject with respect and sensitivity and not swipe the pain, the suffering away because it is a romance.
I think this writer succeeded and admirably in doing that. She says in the afterword of the book that she tried very hard not to sensationalise the sufferings the men went through in the camps, but she needed to show the horror of the situation as well. Obviously it is up for everybody to decide whether they agree with me, but I felt that the violence and horror of what these men went through on a regular basis was dealt with in a matter of fact way and the message which I took from this book was “lets never forget and try to make sure that this would never happen again” rather than “that writer just wrote the violence for the sake of it.” Having said it, be warned, there is enough in this story for you to be upset over and if you feel you may have problems with that, stay away.
And of course the violence was not the only thing that happened in this story . There was a beautiful love story destroyed by war and there was a love story, or more like the story of healing slowly, oh so very slowly built by two survivors. John and Kurt as the blurb tells you both deal with the different sides of those horrors, but at the same time it is all connected. Have I mentioned yet that their story is dark? Let me say it one more time – not only what happened in the concentration camp is painful, but dealing with their wounds is no less painful for both of them.
I really really liked how slowly and carefully the author built the connection between these men. There is no Insta!Love as it would have looked incredibly silly and offensive even for these guys’ situation. Despite their PTSD, despite one step forward, two steps back, they mostly manage to be slow, patient, careful with each other and I really liked it.
It is NOT an erotic romance and again, based on what one of them went through in the camp and how hard it was for him to allow himself a real intimacy, I would have wanted to throw the book against the wall if we were treated to them jumping to bed right away and doing it many times. There are few not very explicit scenes, but even most of those relate to the love destroyed by war (no, I will not say more for the fear of spoilers). But those few times I saw John and Kurt together were for me incredibly rewarding.
I just get really frustrated with “love magically cures everything” stories, so I also really enjoyed that there was no such thing for John and Kurt after they acknowledged their love and they had to deal with their demons for the years to come – it is just they could now do it together (and yes, therapy was mentioned too).
Highly recommended.
Warning: book contains explicit physical and sexual violence.
“The older inmates told us the average life expectancy of a queer or a Jew in Mauthausen was only a few months. Six at most.
“Yet you survived three years. How did you do it?”
He lifts his head slowly, training his eyes on me, and finally he answers in a quiet voice, “Any way I could”.
I am sure many readers have subjects, themes, topics which are important to them for one reason or another. As different as those subjects may be for each of us, when we encounter them in mm literature (any genre, really, I am just specifically talking about stories that include romantic storylines now), we may be especially sensitive to how the writer portrays those themes. The Second World War is one of those subjects for me. Not because of a very in depth knowledge I have of it (although I would not call myself ignorant on that topic either), but because of family members surviving (and a lot of them not surviving) throughout the war. What I am trying to say is that I am usually very very nervous and worried when I pick up the book about the horrors of that war. I feel like that if you choose to write about romance during that time, you still have to treat the subject with respect and sensitivity and not swipe the pain, the suffering away because it is a romance.
I think this writer succeeded and admirably in doing that. She says in the afterword of the book that she tried very hard not to sensationalise the sufferings the men went through in the camps, but she needed to show the horror of the situation as well. Obviously it is up for everybody to decide whether they agree with me, but I felt that the violence and horror of what these men went through on a regular basis was dealt with in a matter of fact way and the message which I took from this book was “lets never forget and try to make sure that this would never happen again” rather than “that writer just wrote the violence for the sake of it.” Having said it, be warned, there is enough in this story for you to be upset over and if you feel you may have problems with that, stay away.
And of course the violence was not the only thing that happened in this story . There was a beautiful love story destroyed by war and there was a love story, or more like the story of healing slowly, oh so very slowly built by two survivors. John and Kurt as the blurb tells you both deal with the different sides of those horrors, but at the same time it is all connected. Have I mentioned yet that their story is dark? Let me say it one more time – not only what happened in the concentration camp is painful, but dealing with their wounds is no less painful for both of them.
I really really liked how slowly and carefully the author built the connection between these men. There is no Insta!Love as it would have looked incredibly silly and offensive even for these guys’ situation. Despite their PTSD, despite one step forward, two steps back, they mostly manage to be slow, patient, careful with each other and I really liked it.
It is NOT an erotic romance and again, based on what one of them went through in the camp and how hard it was for him to allow himself a real intimacy, I would have wanted to throw the book against the wall if we were treated to them jumping to bed right away and doing it many times. There are few not very explicit scenes, but even most of those relate to the love destroyed by war (no, I will not say more for the fear of spoilers). But those few times I saw John and Kurt together were for me incredibly rewarding.
I just get really frustrated with “love magically cures everything” stories, so I also really enjoyed that there was no such thing for John and Kurt after they acknowledged their love and they had to deal with their demons for the years to come – it is just they could now do it together (and yes, therapy was mentioned too).
Highly recommended.
October 21, 2019
Hidden Away by J.W. Kilhey deals with the dramatic and very sensitive topic of gay persecution during the Nazi regime.
Told in two separate POVs and from two different points in time (1941-onwards and 1951-52), the novel follows the heartbreaking stories of Kurt, a young German musician living in Vienna before being deported to the Mauthausen concentration camp, and John, a war veteran suffering from PTSD and haunted by nightmares triggered by his experience of liberating the Dachau camp in April 1945.
Their stories cross paths in 1950s' California and bring to the surface all the trauma and drama of their past and present lives.
Writing about such a sensitive topic - full of physical and emotional violence, non-con, and inhuman cruelty - without falling into the trap of Nazi porn or exploitation narrative, is certainly no easy feat but J.W. Kilhey succeeds in doing that.
Her control and restraint - her respect - towards the stories of her troubled and deeply damaged protagonists are remarkable and the novel is deeply moving and profound. The awareness that none of the episodes recounted in the book are far-fetched inventions but are instead an account of things that really happened to the thousands of queer men and women imprisoned in concentration camps can only make the novel even more poignant and affecting.
Hidden Away is certainly not an easy read. It's raw and uncomfortable, with no facile happy ending - both Kurt and John have a difficult, at times, even unlovable, personality - but I think it's an important novel that can open up further investigation into a very dark page in humanity's history.
One last thing, and I know it might sound petty or superfluous, but a book can indeed be judged by its cover and the current cover image for Hidden Away is, in my opinion, inadequate and misleading.
*** Updated on 20th October 2019
At a second read, the novel didn't lose any of its dramatic impact and power. I've noticed, however, a number of editing issues, especially after Chapter 16, that didn't attract my attention the first time around. I suppose I was too engrossed in the story to notice certain structural problems that could have been solved by means of a more accurate editing process. Thanks, Moony, for being willing to discuss these issues with me!
What didn't change was the emotional involvement in the story and the abyss of horror that the novel manages to open for its readers.
As I said in my original review, this is an important book that would deserve to become once more available to a wider public.
Trigger warnings! sexual violence, torture, homophobia, racial persecution, murder, non-con, racism... Please, approach this novel with the due caution.
Told in two separate POVs and from two different points in time (1941-onwards and 1951-52), the novel follows the heartbreaking stories of Kurt, a young German musician living in Vienna before being deported to the Mauthausen concentration camp, and John, a war veteran suffering from PTSD and haunted by nightmares triggered by his experience of liberating the Dachau camp in April 1945.
Their stories cross paths in 1950s' California and bring to the surface all the trauma and drama of their past and present lives.
Writing about such a sensitive topic - full of physical and emotional violence, non-con, and inhuman cruelty - without falling into the trap of Nazi porn or exploitation narrative, is certainly no easy feat but J.W. Kilhey succeeds in doing that.
Her control and restraint - her respect - towards the stories of her troubled and deeply damaged protagonists are remarkable and the novel is deeply moving and profound. The awareness that none of the episodes recounted in the book are far-fetched inventions but are instead an account of things that really happened to the thousands of queer men and women imprisoned in concentration camps can only make the novel even more poignant and affecting.
Hidden Away is certainly not an easy read. It's raw and uncomfortable, with no facile happy ending - both Kurt and John have a difficult, at times, even unlovable, personality - but I think it's an important novel that can open up further investigation into a very dark page in humanity's history.
One last thing, and I know it might sound petty or superfluous, but a book can indeed be judged by its cover and the current cover image for Hidden Away is, in my opinion, inadequate and misleading.
*** Updated on 20th October 2019
At a second read, the novel didn't lose any of its dramatic impact and power. I've noticed, however, a number of editing issues, especially after Chapter 16, that didn't attract my attention the first time around. I suppose I was too engrossed in the story to notice certain structural problems that could have been solved by means of a more accurate editing process. Thanks, Moony, for being willing to discuss these issues with me!
What didn't change was the emotional involvement in the story and the abyss of horror that the novel manages to open for its readers.
As I said in my original review, this is an important book that would deserve to become once more available to a wider public.
Trigger warnings! sexual violence, torture, homophobia, racial persecution, murder, non-con, racism... Please, approach this novel with the due caution.
December 6, 2021
Avevo questo libro nel kindle da più di 2 anni, e pensavo che ne sarebbero trascorsi altrettanti prima di leggerlo. Invece lui, il libro, ha deciso diversamente. Ha deciso che questo era il momento perfetto e che ero pronta per ascoltare la sua storia. Io sono convinta che sono i libri che decidono quando devono essere letti, loro ci chiamano quando siamo pronti – per quanto si possa essere pronti quando si affrontanto certi temi… – a immergerci nelle loro storie, in particolare quando queste storie sono dolorose, quando già sappiamo che ci spezzeranno il cuore.
Questo libro è ambientato durante il periodo più buio attraversato dall’umanità, la seconda guerra mondiale,e il nazismo. Periodo nel quale l’uomo ha perso se stesso e ha smarrito la sua umanità, la sua empatia. Quando l’umanità ha lasciato che la follia dilagasse e diventasse reale, e si impregnasse nei mattoni usati per costruire i campi di concentramento.
Tutti abbiamo sentito parlare degli orrori che accadevano in quei campi, e solitamente quando si parla di essi il pensiero va subito agli ebrei, ma non furono solo loro le vittime. Ci furono tanti altri tra le vittime della follia nazista tra cui minoranze etniche, prigionieri politici, disabili e omosessuali. In particolare questi ultimi assieme agli ebrei erano i bersagli prediletti, coloro che venivano torturati e maltrattati più di altri.
Una storia che ci mostra due punti di vista di due vittime, seppur in modi differenti, di una guerra che ha tolto tanto a tante persone. Un prigioniero Kurt, e un soldato americano John, due vite che verranno unite dallo stesso orrore.
Kurt, un giovane e talentuoso musicista tedesco, non disabile, non ebreo, non osteggiava il partito nazista, ma colpevole di amare un altro uomo. Imprigionato, abusato, torturato giorno dopo giorno, mese dopo mese, anno dopo anno. Sopravvive a tutto anche alla morte di Peter il suo grande amore, prigioniero con lui nello stesso campo fino all’arrivo degli alleati. Fino alla liberazione, fino alla fine della guerra. Ci viene offerto uno sguardo tra il suo presente e il suo passato, negli orrori subiti durante la prigionia, le conseguenze degli abusi e delle torture. La guerra e i nazisti lo hanno privato di tutto, della libertà, dell’amore, della dignità Ma soprattutto lo hanno privato della sua umanità, trattato alla stregua di un oggetto.
“«Non si possono calcolare i costi della guerra serviti a dare la libertà. Non sarai mai in grado di conteggiare quanto hai pagato, ma le vite dei prigionieri che hai salvato non avevano valore finché tu non gliel’hai restituito. Hai dato tutto ciò che avevi, non potevi fare di più.» “
Vittime di quell’assurda guerra, sono anche i soldati che hanno combattuto per liberare il mondo dal giogo nazista, soldati che hanno dovuto mettere da parte la loro umanità per sopravvivere e sopportare il peso delle loro azioni. Il peso delle uccisioni.
John soldato americano ha vissuto in prima persona la follia e l’orrore derivante dai campi di battaglia, dove si combatteva senza sosta unico scopo uccidere più nemici e successivamente dei campi di concentramento quando entrati a liberare. Rendersi conto che se fosse nato in quei luoghi, in quanto gay sarebbe potuto essere uno dei tanti corpi abusati e torturati che ha contribuito a liberare. John è vittima di quello che oggi viene definito “Disturbo post traumatico da stress”. Nella sua mente gli orrori visti e vissuti e perpetrati sono talmente vividi e lucidi da risucchiarlo nelle loro soffocanti spire. La sua mente vacilla, e va alla deriva senza qualcosa che la ancori al presente e alla sanità.
“Ho fiducia che tutto andrà bene, ma la fede non rende il cammino meno difficile. Mi chiedo, dopo tutti questi anni, in che mondo vivo se produce pensieri alterati come quelli che hanno creato ciò che ho visto oltreoceano. Questo mondo ha valore quando ci sono uomini pazzi a ogni angolo, che attendono di infliggere sofferenza agli altri?”
Per entrambi i protagonisti Kurt e John, la realtà e gli incubi si sovrappongono, la mente sembra incapace di accettare quanto visto, quanto vissuto e quanto fatto per sopravvivere. Due anime spezzate, un incontro il loro destinato a portare un raggio di luce nell’oscurità delle loro vite, che porterà ad aprire nuovi spiragli su possibilità future. La speranza di poter tornare a vivere, ad amare torna a fare capolino, come un raggio di sole dopo una tempesta.
Leggere questo libro è stato straziante, ho pianto, provato un senso di impotenza. Ho provato anche un senso di vergogna. Vergogna al pensiero che uomini e donne, come me, abbiano potuto, chiudere gli occhi e lasciare che succedessero certe cose. È un libro che a mio parere andrebbe fatto leggere ai giovani, perché è giusto che conoscano tutti i volti della storia. Sui campi di concentramento campeggiava la scritta “Arbeit macht frei – Il lavoro rende liberi” non è il lavoro che rende liberi, è la conoscenza.
Non chiudiamo gli occhi, non chiudiamo la mente, manteniamo occhi e mente aperti e attenti perché la follia è sempre in agguato, e conoscere il passato aiuta a non ripeterne gli errori.
Questo libro è ambientato durante il periodo più buio attraversato dall’umanità, la seconda guerra mondiale,e il nazismo. Periodo nel quale l’uomo ha perso se stesso e ha smarrito la sua umanità, la sua empatia. Quando l’umanità ha lasciato che la follia dilagasse e diventasse reale, e si impregnasse nei mattoni usati per costruire i campi di concentramento.
Tutti abbiamo sentito parlare degli orrori che accadevano in quei campi, e solitamente quando si parla di essi il pensiero va subito agli ebrei, ma non furono solo loro le vittime. Ci furono tanti altri tra le vittime della follia nazista tra cui minoranze etniche, prigionieri politici, disabili e omosessuali. In particolare questi ultimi assieme agli ebrei erano i bersagli prediletti, coloro che venivano torturati e maltrattati più di altri.
Una storia che ci mostra due punti di vista di due vittime, seppur in modi differenti, di una guerra che ha tolto tanto a tante persone. Un prigioniero Kurt, e un soldato americano John, due vite che verranno unite dallo stesso orrore.
Kurt, un giovane e talentuoso musicista tedesco, non disabile, non ebreo, non osteggiava il partito nazista, ma colpevole di amare un altro uomo. Imprigionato, abusato, torturato giorno dopo giorno, mese dopo mese, anno dopo anno. Sopravvive a tutto anche alla morte di Peter il suo grande amore, prigioniero con lui nello stesso campo fino all’arrivo degli alleati. Fino alla liberazione, fino alla fine della guerra. Ci viene offerto uno sguardo tra il suo presente e il suo passato, negli orrori subiti durante la prigionia, le conseguenze degli abusi e delle torture. La guerra e i nazisti lo hanno privato di tutto, della libertà, dell’amore, della dignità Ma soprattutto lo hanno privato della sua umanità, trattato alla stregua di un oggetto.
“«Non si possono calcolare i costi della guerra serviti a dare la libertà. Non sarai mai in grado di conteggiare quanto hai pagato, ma le vite dei prigionieri che hai salvato non avevano valore finché tu non gliel’hai restituito. Hai dato tutto ciò che avevi, non potevi fare di più.» “
Vittime di quell’assurda guerra, sono anche i soldati che hanno combattuto per liberare il mondo dal giogo nazista, soldati che hanno dovuto mettere da parte la loro umanità per sopravvivere e sopportare il peso delle loro azioni. Il peso delle uccisioni.
John soldato americano ha vissuto in prima persona la follia e l’orrore derivante dai campi di battaglia, dove si combatteva senza sosta unico scopo uccidere più nemici e successivamente dei campi di concentramento quando entrati a liberare. Rendersi conto che se fosse nato in quei luoghi, in quanto gay sarebbe potuto essere uno dei tanti corpi abusati e torturati che ha contribuito a liberare. John è vittima di quello che oggi viene definito “Disturbo post traumatico da stress”. Nella sua mente gli orrori visti e vissuti e perpetrati sono talmente vividi e lucidi da risucchiarlo nelle loro soffocanti spire. La sua mente vacilla, e va alla deriva senza qualcosa che la ancori al presente e alla sanità.
“Ho fiducia che tutto andrà bene, ma la fede non rende il cammino meno difficile. Mi chiedo, dopo tutti questi anni, in che mondo vivo se produce pensieri alterati come quelli che hanno creato ciò che ho visto oltreoceano. Questo mondo ha valore quando ci sono uomini pazzi a ogni angolo, che attendono di infliggere sofferenza agli altri?”
Per entrambi i protagonisti Kurt e John, la realtà e gli incubi si sovrappongono, la mente sembra incapace di accettare quanto visto, quanto vissuto e quanto fatto per sopravvivere. Due anime spezzate, un incontro il loro destinato a portare un raggio di luce nell’oscurità delle loro vite, che porterà ad aprire nuovi spiragli su possibilità future. La speranza di poter tornare a vivere, ad amare torna a fare capolino, come un raggio di sole dopo una tempesta.
Leggere questo libro è stato straziante, ho pianto, provato un senso di impotenza. Ho provato anche un senso di vergogna. Vergogna al pensiero che uomini e donne, come me, abbiano potuto, chiudere gli occhi e lasciare che succedessero certe cose. È un libro che a mio parere andrebbe fatto leggere ai giovani, perché è giusto che conoscano tutti i volti della storia. Sui campi di concentramento campeggiava la scritta “Arbeit macht frei – Il lavoro rende liberi” non è il lavoro che rende liberi, è la conoscenza.
Non chiudiamo gli occhi, non chiudiamo la mente, manteniamo occhi e mente aperti e attenti perché la follia è sempre in agguato, e conoscere il passato aiuta a non ripeterne gli errori.
January 27, 2024
RECENSIONE A CURA DI SLANIF
Ho deciso di scrivere questa recensione proprio per oggi, 27 Gennaio, Giorno Della Memoria.
Sono sempre stata convinta che “ricordare” – soprattutto un fatto così orribile come l’Olocausto – sia importantissimo. Tenere a mente il passato è fondamentale per impedire che anche in futuro succedano le stesse cose, che si ripresentino le stesse dinamiche. Che gli adulti del futuro crescano consapevoli e capaci di capire cosa sono davvero il Bene e il Male.
Questo libro è un mezzo sensazionale per poterlo fare.
Uno strumento struggente e toccante per poter ricordare sempre quanto l’essere umano possa essere crudele, ma al contempo regalare la speranza per un futuro migliore e la straordinaria capacità degli uomini di rialzarsi sempre.
Venite a leggerla sul nostro blog!
Ho deciso di scrivere questa recensione proprio per oggi, 27 Gennaio, Giorno Della Memoria.
Sono sempre stata convinta che “ricordare” – soprattutto un fatto così orribile come l’Olocausto – sia importantissimo. Tenere a mente il passato è fondamentale per impedire che anche in futuro succedano le stesse cose, che si ripresentino le stesse dinamiche. Che gli adulti del futuro crescano consapevoli e capaci di capire cosa sono davvero il Bene e il Male.
Questo libro è un mezzo sensazionale per poterlo fare.
Uno strumento struggente e toccante per poter ricordare sempre quanto l’essere umano possa essere crudele, ma al contempo regalare la speranza per un futuro migliore e la straordinaria capacità degli uomini di rialzarsi sempre.
Venite a leggerla sul nostro blog!
June 6, 2013
THIS book is the reason I read books. Stunning. Thought provoking. Beautifully written. Read this book. Read it now.
April 14, 2014
Oh. Just -- Oh.
I didn't like the blunt, inelegant prose at first, but taken altogether there is no way I could give this any less than 5 stars.
Don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you that this is "concentration camp porn." You might as well apply the same label to Sophie's Choice or Schindler's List or The Pianist. In reality, this book doesn't trivialize or exploit the suffering of anyone. Instead, it tries to bring to life the horrors these groups of men experienced -- and I mean both the prisoners in the camps and their liberators -- and how some of them did or did not survive those horrors, and how long-lasting the effects could be, so that today's generation of same-sex marriage and Rainbow Pride will remember that things were not always this way.
It's a tough book. Although it doesn't tell us every single detail of camp or army life, it lets us feel what the prisoners and soldiers went through and how those experiences could shape their lives for years after. Both of our MCs are broken men, and we see their struggles and their halting progress towards some semblance of a life, with both their achievements and their failures depicted without excess soft-focusing or sentiment.
No, it isn't a perfect book. For one thing, I agree with Kaje's review that . And there are other problems here and there, including the prose I mentioned at the top. But taken as a whole, this is a much more profound and moving book than the vast majority of mm romances. So, despite its flaws, it gets the full 5 stars from me.
I didn't like the blunt, inelegant prose at first, but taken altogether there is no way I could give this any less than 5 stars.
Don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you that this is "concentration camp porn." You might as well apply the same label to Sophie's Choice or Schindler's List or The Pianist. In reality, this book doesn't trivialize or exploit the suffering of anyone. Instead, it tries to bring to life the horrors these groups of men experienced -- and I mean both the prisoners in the camps and their liberators -- and how some of them did or did not survive those horrors, and how long-lasting the effects could be, so that today's generation of same-sex marriage and Rainbow Pride will remember that things were not always this way.
It's a tough book. Although it doesn't tell us every single detail of camp or army life, it lets us feel what the prisoners and soldiers went through and how those experiences could shape their lives for years after. Both of our MCs are broken men, and we see their struggles and their halting progress towards some semblance of a life, with both their achievements and their failures depicted without excess soft-focusing or sentiment.
No, it isn't a perfect book. For one thing, I agree with Kaje's review that . And there are other problems here and there, including the prose I mentioned at the top. But taken as a whole, this is a much more profound and moving book than the vast majority of mm romances. So, despite its flaws, it gets the full 5 stars from me.
January 10, 2013
Dear God, this story is terribly tragic, I'm speechless and truly deeply sad. I can only state of being glad, that I never lived in the time of World War I and II. I can't talk about John and Kurt, because it's hard to think about them both. This is really hard book to stomach. J.W. Kilhey work here is exceptional, even if deeply difficult.
February 4, 2021
Seguiteci sul nostro blog https://coccolelibri.blogspot.com
Recensione a cura di Saluinadia
«Non le piace parlare.»
Solleva lo sguardo e io cerco una conferma.
«Vero?»
Con un’espressione che è quasi un sorriso, ma non proprio, guarda il cielo e dice: «A volte c’è
molto più da dire tacendo che con le parole.»
Seguendo il suo sguardo, osservo le nuvole muoversi in silenzio.
Dalla sinossi si evince di cosa andiamo a leggere in questo romanzo, un romanzo che sa tanto di testimonianza per dare voce ad accadimenti avvenuti durante la seconda guerra mondiale.
Di solito quando parliamo di olocausto il nostro pensiero corre a quell’ebraico, ma pur se a volte è sembrato solo sussurrato, ci è giunta voce di cosa non tollerava il Reich, di come la sua razza ariana doveva essere libera da tutto ciò che causava imbarazzo e intolleranza, tra questi c’erano gli omosessuali che dovevano essere cacciati perché il loro essere era reato quindi condannabile.
Però è anche vero che di questi uomini non si sa nulla o quasi, ecco perché ho amato profondamente questo libro, senza ombra di dubbio l’autrice si è documentata con certosina perizia su questi dati, per cui non ho dubbi che le atrocità siano vere tanto quanto atroci e crudeli.
Leggere la storia di Kurt è stato devastante, mi ha dilaniato il cuore e ho sentito sulla pelle il suo dolore, la sua angoscia, la sua disperazione.
Ma Nascosti dal mondo non ci regala uno scorcio di tragedia solo su Kurt, entra in scena anche l’angoscia, il senso di colpa di John, il suo non riuscire a dimenticare ciò che ha visto e ciò che ha fatto.
Questo fa la guerra, questo fa l’inumanità dell’uomo, questo fa la crudeltà di molti di essi.
Allora ci si chiede: cosa rende l’uomo diverso da una belva? Forse l’aver compreso le atrocità e cercare di non commetterne più? Verrà mai un giorno in cui atrocità del genere non saranno più perpetrate?
Non so se in futuro sarà possibile, ma a distanza di 70 anni e più dall’orrore della guerra, ancora sentiamo notizie di situazioni che non sono cambiate, ci si è solo spostati verso altro, verso nuovi modi di essere crudeli, ma l’uomo continua a essere cattivo.
Buona lettura, alla prossima
CAPOLAVORO
Recensione a cura di Saluinadia
«Non le piace parlare.»
Solleva lo sguardo e io cerco una conferma.
«Vero?»
Con un’espressione che è quasi un sorriso, ma non proprio, guarda il cielo e dice: «A volte c’è
molto più da dire tacendo che con le parole.»
Seguendo il suo sguardo, osservo le nuvole muoversi in silenzio.
Dalla sinossi si evince di cosa andiamo a leggere in questo romanzo, un romanzo che sa tanto di testimonianza per dare voce ad accadimenti avvenuti durante la seconda guerra mondiale.
Di solito quando parliamo di olocausto il nostro pensiero corre a quell’ebraico, ma pur se a volte è sembrato solo sussurrato, ci è giunta voce di cosa non tollerava il Reich, di come la sua razza ariana doveva essere libera da tutto ciò che causava imbarazzo e intolleranza, tra questi c’erano gli omosessuali che dovevano essere cacciati perché il loro essere era reato quindi condannabile.
Però è anche vero che di questi uomini non si sa nulla o quasi, ecco perché ho amato profondamente questo libro, senza ombra di dubbio l’autrice si è documentata con certosina perizia su questi dati, per cui non ho dubbi che le atrocità siano vere tanto quanto atroci e crudeli.
Leggere la storia di Kurt è stato devastante, mi ha dilaniato il cuore e ho sentito sulla pelle il suo dolore, la sua angoscia, la sua disperazione.
Ma Nascosti dal mondo non ci regala uno scorcio di tragedia solo su Kurt, entra in scena anche l’angoscia, il senso di colpa di John, il suo non riuscire a dimenticare ciò che ha visto e ciò che ha fatto.
Questo fa la guerra, questo fa l’inumanità dell’uomo, questo fa la crudeltà di molti di essi.
Allora ci si chiede: cosa rende l’uomo diverso da una belva? Forse l’aver compreso le atrocità e cercare di non commetterne più? Verrà mai un giorno in cui atrocità del genere non saranno più perpetrate?
Non so se in futuro sarà possibile, ma a distanza di 70 anni e più dall’orrore della guerra, ancora sentiamo notizie di situazioni che non sono cambiate, ci si è solo spostati verso altro, verso nuovi modi di essere crudeli, ma l’uomo continua a essere cattivo.
Buona lettura, alla prossima
CAPOLAVORO
January 26, 2020
Non è il lavoro che ci rende liberi. È la conoscenza.
💔
💔
October 3, 2013
Wow. So having hundreds of books on my TBR list right now, I decided to sort by rating and read the highest rated ones. That's how I decided to buy and start reading THIS magnificent gem of a story. So glad I did!
This reminds me a little of a few other books I've read recently like "Billy's Bones" and "Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela" in that it's so much more than just a m/m romance book--it is a deep story that deals with serious issues and is well-written and impeccably researched.
In "Hidden Away" the issue is the imprisonment of homosexuals in concentration camps during WWII. While I'm not that attracted to historical stories of this WWII era, this one was just brilliant. It's clear the author did a lot of research, and both of the MCs, and their stories, felt painfully real.
The story alternates between the first person POV of one MC, John, an American vet who is haunted by what he saw when he was part of the force that liberated Dachau. The other MC, Kurt, was a young gay musician in Vienna who was imprisoned in a concentration camp for three years for being homosexual. The author tells a lot of Kurt's story through flashback scenes of what happened to him as he found his first lover in Vienna and then later was arrested and sent to the camp with him. The story of what happens to the two of them in the camp is heartbreaking but never angst for the sake of angst. The love they share always bleeds through. It felt like an important story to read as well as keeping me glued to the page.
The other part of the story is the slow building of a relationship between Kurt and John, who meet in Berkeley after the war where Kurt is working as a janitor at the university where John is a student. Both these men are deeply traumatized, yet John is drawn to Kurt and is compelled to try to get to know him. These two can understand each other because of their shared experiences and provide some amount of mutual healing, though the author never goes so far as to imply the things they went through can ever be erased. This romance is a fine hurt/comfort story.
5 big stars from me and highly recommended!
This reminds me a little of a few other books I've read recently like "Billy's Bones" and "Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela" in that it's so much more than just a m/m romance book--it is a deep story that deals with serious issues and is well-written and impeccably researched.
In "Hidden Away" the issue is the imprisonment of homosexuals in concentration camps during WWII. While I'm not that attracted to historical stories of this WWII era, this one was just brilliant. It's clear the author did a lot of research, and both of the MCs, and their stories, felt painfully real.
The story alternates between the first person POV of one MC, John, an American vet who is haunted by what he saw when he was part of the force that liberated Dachau. The other MC, Kurt, was a young gay musician in Vienna who was imprisoned in a concentration camp for three years for being homosexual. The author tells a lot of Kurt's story through flashback scenes of what happened to him as he found his first lover in Vienna and then later was arrested and sent to the camp with him. The story of what happens to the two of them in the camp is heartbreaking but never angst for the sake of angst. The love they share always bleeds through. It felt like an important story to read as well as keeping me glued to the page.
The other part of the story is the slow building of a relationship between Kurt and John, who meet in Berkeley after the war where Kurt is working as a janitor at the university where John is a student. Both these men are deeply traumatized, yet John is drawn to Kurt and is compelled to try to get to know him. These two can understand each other because of their shared experiences and provide some amount of mutual healing, though the author never goes so far as to imply the things they went through can ever be erased. This romance is a fine hurt/comfort story.
5 big stars from me and highly recommended!
January 23, 2020
Raffaella - per RFS
Togli il cappello, metti il cappello…
Questa non è una recensione, è una mia necessità.
Un mio bisogno di scrivere quattro righe su questo libro che merita un posto tra i classici, tra gli storici, tra i libri che fanno leggere a scuola.
Ho finito questo romanzo più di una settimana fa, e ancora adesso non riesco a esprimere bene quello che ho provato durante la lettura, quello che proverò a vita.
Si a vita, perché questo libro mi ha lasciato un segno indelebile nell’anima. Un dolore, una consapevolezza e una voglia di cambiare il mondo che mi accompagnerà per sempre.
“Nascosti dal mondo” è struggente e delicato assieme, un connubio che lacera. O almeno ha lacerato me. Leggi questa storia e sai che è vero. Che è successo. Certo, magari non esattamente così, ma è successo. E probabilmente anche peggio.
Oh… avrei voluto tanto, ma proprio tanto, piangere per alleviare almeno un po’ tutta la sofferenza che avevo dentro; ma dolore, rabbia, paura e tristezza erano talmente “troppo” che non ci sono riuscita, se non quando l’ho finito. Solo allora le lacrime hanno iniziato a scorrere, e ho pianto per John, per Kurt, per Peter, e per tutti gli “altri” – me compresa. Ho pianto per ieri, per oggi e per domani, perché il mondo è cambiato, ma non abbastanza. Non ancora.
Felice di averlo letto? Molto. Devastata per averlo fatto? Tantissimo.
A chi lo consiglio? A tutti, ma non con leggerezza. Non me la sento di dire: “Si! Leggilo, vai!” No, non posso farlo. Vorrei poter dire “Leggilo quando sarai pronto”, ma nemmeno questo sarebbe giusto. Perché non si può essere pronti a vedere quanto bestia può essere l’uomo.
Chi vorrei lo leggesse? Tutti coloro che hanno un atteggiamento superficiale nei confronti dell’omosessualità. Quelli che dicono “non mi riguarda”, quelli che sono indifferenti, quelli che forse, se aprissero un po’ i loro cuori e le loro menti, potrebbero capire e cambiare.
Grazie alla Triskell Edizioni che l’ha portato in Italia, grazie a Barbara Cinelli che l’ha tradotto (non deve esser stato facile), e grazie a J.W. Kilhey per avermi fatto conoscere questa storia, questa verità.
L’odio e l’intolleranza non sono opinioni *Raffaella.P*
Togli il cappello, metti il cappello…
Questa non è una recensione, è una mia necessità.
Un mio bisogno di scrivere quattro righe su questo libro che merita un posto tra i classici, tra gli storici, tra i libri che fanno leggere a scuola.
Ho finito questo romanzo più di una settimana fa, e ancora adesso non riesco a esprimere bene quello che ho provato durante la lettura, quello che proverò a vita.
Si a vita, perché questo libro mi ha lasciato un segno indelebile nell’anima. Un dolore, una consapevolezza e una voglia di cambiare il mondo che mi accompagnerà per sempre.
“Nascosti dal mondo” è struggente e delicato assieme, un connubio che lacera. O almeno ha lacerato me. Leggi questa storia e sai che è vero. Che è successo. Certo, magari non esattamente così, ma è successo. E probabilmente anche peggio.
Oh… avrei voluto tanto, ma proprio tanto, piangere per alleviare almeno un po’ tutta la sofferenza che avevo dentro; ma dolore, rabbia, paura e tristezza erano talmente “troppo” che non ci sono riuscita, se non quando l’ho finito. Solo allora le lacrime hanno iniziato a scorrere, e ho pianto per John, per Kurt, per Peter, e per tutti gli “altri” – me compresa. Ho pianto per ieri, per oggi e per domani, perché il mondo è cambiato, ma non abbastanza. Non ancora.
Felice di averlo letto? Molto. Devastata per averlo fatto? Tantissimo.
A chi lo consiglio? A tutti, ma non con leggerezza. Non me la sento di dire: “Si! Leggilo, vai!” No, non posso farlo. Vorrei poter dire “Leggilo quando sarai pronto”, ma nemmeno questo sarebbe giusto. Perché non si può essere pronti a vedere quanto bestia può essere l’uomo.
Chi vorrei lo leggesse? Tutti coloro che hanno un atteggiamento superficiale nei confronti dell’omosessualità. Quelli che dicono “non mi riguarda”, quelli che sono indifferenti, quelli che forse, se aprissero un po’ i loro cuori e le loro menti, potrebbero capire e cambiare.
Grazie alla Triskell Edizioni che l’ha portato in Italia, grazie a Barbara Cinelli che l’ha tradotto (non deve esser stato facile), e grazie a J.W. Kilhey per avermi fatto conoscere questa storia, questa verità.
L’odio e l’intolleranza non sono opinioni *Raffaella.P*
January 14, 2013
First of all, the author is a wonderful friend of mine and this story holds a very special place in my heart. Saying that, I will do my very best to be as objective as possible, but it is going to be difficult - because I loved this book so very much. For many reasons.
The historical details (as far as I can tell, I am no expert) are amazing. At times, it is *very* difficult to read this book. However, as heartbreaking as it is, the author never sensationalizes what happened to these men that history, for the most part, has forgotten about. Last year, I read "The Men With the Pink Triangle" by Heinsz Heger - just horrifying. I feel this very difficult subject matter has been handled with sensitivity and respect by the author.
But that does not mean that reading this book is like taking medicine. It is a beautiful love story. Stories, really. I don't really want to give too much of the story away, but this is a story of first love, unspeakable evil and fathomless loss. And about the healing power of love and its power to bring someone back from the brink of despair. The road back is never easy, nor does it move quickly - but if you don't give up, it can lead you home.
I will always remember Kurt, Peter and John.
"O Come O Come Emmanuel" Violin and piano:
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=roy3Ft...
The historical details (as far as I can tell, I am no expert) are amazing. At times, it is *very* difficult to read this book. However, as heartbreaking as it is, the author never sensationalizes what happened to these men that history, for the most part, has forgotten about. Last year, I read "The Men With the Pink Triangle" by Heinsz Heger - just horrifying. I feel this very difficult subject matter has been handled with sensitivity and respect by the author.
But that does not mean that reading this book is like taking medicine. It is a beautiful love story. Stories, really. I don't really want to give too much of the story away, but this is a story of first love, unspeakable evil and fathomless loss. And about the healing power of love and its power to bring someone back from the brink of despair. The road back is never easy, nor does it move quickly - but if you don't give up, it can lead you home.
I will always remember Kurt, Peter and John.
"O Come O Come Emmanuel" Violin and piano:
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=roy3Ft...
January 12, 2013
This book is amazing. I absolutely loved it. I was completely pulled in the story. The author did a great job with the alternating point of views, building strong characters and painting a realistic picture of John's PTSD and being gay in Mauthausen concentration camp. The secondary characters were also great, especially Jules and he is very protective Kurt. The writing was beautiful and haunting at the same time. The second half of the book was really hard. My heart just bled for Kurt and Peter at the camp and I cried so much for both of them, for Peter and his dreams of being naked in the South of France with Kurt, and Peter's death. There's so much more I could say about this book. I highly recommend this one!! and keep a box of tissue handy.
January 31, 2013
Holy crap! This story is terribly disturbing in many ways, but what an amazing story. I totally felt like I was living in this story with them. It sucked me in and kept me up until the wee hours of the morning to finish it. Then I was so distraught from reading it that I had to find something really fluffy to read before sleeping because I was worried I have bad dreams about it. Wow. I never knew the camps were for more than just the Jewish. I might not read this one again because of the subject matter (Nazis, war, holocaust) but the author deserves huge credit for this one... it's definitely a work of art.
January 20, 2013
What a heartbreaking, achingly well written story. Kurt Klein is what the Nazis considered the perfect German but with a secret, John is a WWII veteran dealing with PTS. Both men are broken by their pasts, but John cannot let go of Kurt since spotting him around his school. Both have a long and trying road ahead of them....how on earth can two seemingly broken men get over their fears to find love and trust again? The death camp internment flashbacks are very hard to read but bring to light the treatment of a different type of prisoner of war, homosexuals.
January 25, 2015
Powerful, intense. I feel the need to thank the author for writing this book and DSP for publishing it. At the moment I'm too overwhelmed to say more. 5 magnificent stars.
November 6, 2013
I don't know if there's anything I can say about this one that could do it justice. In fact, I had to give it a couple days to sink in so I could even try - and I'm still pretty sure I'll fail. This is a powerful read and it made me feel a range of emotions from angry to sad, rage, relief, amazement, and just plain heartbreak. It made me forget that I don't even like historical reads.
I should probably have prefaced this by stating that i didn't choose this book, it was chosen for me as part of a reading challenge - otherwise I probably never would have picked it up. I'm so glad I did though. This novel has two parallel storylines, flipping back and forth between 1941 & 1951, which is a difficult feat to pull off effectively, but Kilney does it flawlessly.
It starts in 1951, where we meet John Oakes, a seasoned war veteran plagued with severe PTSD (known as shellshock in this time period.) He's a simple man whose only desires are to find someone to share his life with and to quiet his nightmares. He's a student at UC - Berkley, studying Political Science and pursing his PhD when he first meets Kurt, a janitor at Berkley, who tries very hard to remain invisible in order to survive each day - trapped in nightmares of his own. They run into each other when John discovers beautiful piano music as he's walking the halls to avoid going home to restless sleep; and are eventually brought together with the help of Kurt's only friend, Jules.
As the story unfolds, we're transported back to 1941 in Austria, where a gay Kurt is 20 years old, and just finding himself. He's always been a gifted pianist and begins rehearsing for a concert where he meets his first love, Peter. The relationship they begin is forbidden, but also so very addictive. Peter is vibrant and full of love, things Kurt has never been exposed to in his sheltered life and he can't help but cling to them and Peter with everything he has.
There is so much depth and breadth to this story that I couldn't possibly be able to cover it all in this review and including any spoilers would dampen the powerful impact on how the events of the past influence those of the future. Both men are traumatized by their pasts. But with great effort, together they are able to put those ghosts to rest and find the peace they so desperately crave. This is one of those novels where you truly feel that the ending is deserved and earned.
I can't say enough about this book. It is not a pleasant read, nor should it be. Some things can never, and will never be acceptable. Looking through Kurt and John's eyes, we get an up close and personal look at one of the worst times in human history. And while it may be fiction, it both felt and affected me as if it were real. Big, fat, ugly tears at times. I'm not a history buff, so I can't really comment on the veracity of the events, but it does appear that it was heavily researched and handled with a deft and delicate hand.
I have always loved romances with damaged characters, I'm sure I've said that once or twice. I think you will find though, that this book will give you new meaning to those words. Even if you don't like historical fiction/romance, I highly recommend you give it a try.
Painfully beautiful.
I should probably have prefaced this by stating that i didn't choose this book, it was chosen for me as part of a reading challenge - otherwise I probably never would have picked it up. I'm so glad I did though. This novel has two parallel storylines, flipping back and forth between 1941 & 1951, which is a difficult feat to pull off effectively, but Kilney does it flawlessly.
It starts in 1951, where we meet John Oakes, a seasoned war veteran plagued with severe PTSD (known as shellshock in this time period.) He's a simple man whose only desires are to find someone to share his life with and to quiet his nightmares. He's a student at UC - Berkley, studying Political Science and pursing his PhD when he first meets Kurt, a janitor at Berkley, who tries very hard to remain invisible in order to survive each day - trapped in nightmares of his own. They run into each other when John discovers beautiful piano music as he's walking the halls to avoid going home to restless sleep; and are eventually brought together with the help of Kurt's only friend, Jules.
As the story unfolds, we're transported back to 1941 in Austria, where a gay Kurt is 20 years old, and just finding himself. He's always been a gifted pianist and begins rehearsing for a concert where he meets his first love, Peter. The relationship they begin is forbidden, but also so very addictive. Peter is vibrant and full of love, things Kurt has never been exposed to in his sheltered life and he can't help but cling to them and Peter with everything he has.
There is so much depth and breadth to this story that I couldn't possibly be able to cover it all in this review and including any spoilers would dampen the powerful impact on how the events of the past influence those of the future. Both men are traumatized by their pasts. But with great effort, together they are able to put those ghosts to rest and find the peace they so desperately crave. This is one of those novels where you truly feel that the ending is deserved and earned.
I can't say enough about this book. It is not a pleasant read, nor should it be. Some things can never, and will never be acceptable. Looking through Kurt and John's eyes, we get an up close and personal look at one of the worst times in human history. And while it may be fiction, it both felt and affected me as if it were real. Big, fat, ugly tears at times. I'm not a history buff, so I can't really comment on the veracity of the events, but it does appear that it was heavily researched and handled with a deft and delicate hand.
I have always loved romances with damaged characters, I'm sure I've said that once or twice. I think you will find though, that this book will give you new meaning to those words. Even if you don't like historical fiction/romance, I highly recommend you give it a try.
Painfully beautiful.
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