My Foreign Cities

by Elizabeth Scarboro

Growing out of a spellbinding “Modern Love” column in the New York Times, a fresh, wrenching story of young love and mortality.

As a teenager, Elizabeth Scarboro imagined an adventurous future for herself in which she would live all over the world, and settling down was out of the question. But then she fell in love with Stephen: brilliant, infuriating, living with cystic fibrosis. With Stephen's life expectancy hovering around thirty years, Scarboro embraced another sort of adventure--simultaneously joyous and heartrending--choosing to stay with Stephen and live an entire marriage in the ten years they had.

A memoir in the tradition of Gail Caldwell's Let's Take the Long Way Home and Francisco Goldman's Say Her Name, Scarboro's story, told in intimate prose, reveals the ephemerality of her tender marriage. My Foreign Cities is a modern Love Story, a portrait of a young couple approaching mortality with reckless abandon, gleefully outrunning it for as long as they can.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Biography, Medical, Romance, Relationships

296 pages, Hardcover

First published April 8, 2013

About the author

Elizabeth Scarboro is the author of two children’s novels and a winner of the Olga and Paul Menn Foundation Prize for fiction. She lives in Berkeley, California, with her husband and two children.

Reviews

[Jo Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

You would think, since I knew the author's husband died of cystic fibrosis after their marriage of 10 years, that my heart would have been more prepared. Not so. My heart hurts...and the only thing I can relate the feeling to is that of a balloon, gently blown up with tenderness and empathy, but expanded by that tenderness to the point of breaking. Elizabeth Scarboro took me on a journey of love and understanding and surprise as she wrote of the sometimes bumpy, sometimes exquisite, times she and her friend, lover, husband, Stephen experienced over the years they traveled together, and with, CF. I can only hope that her honesty and sharing will help me be a more empathetic and caring person in the face of health challenges with loved ones. Applause, Elizabeth.

[Sydna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having CF, this book hit very close to home for me. It was poignant, sad, funny and insightful. In some ways it was like reading my life story, and in others a foreshadowing of things to come. And yet in other ways I thought "wow, I'm so very very thankful and so very very lucky to have the lungs I have and to have made it this far in life with CF." I have no idea what comes next in this journey with CF, but it was an endearing read and I enjoyed getting the perspective of someone who lives with and is married to a CFer. People always say that we are the strong ones -- I contend that those who choose us willingly as their spouse are even stronger because the road of palliative care is long, never-ending and often a losing battle. Highly recommended if you have CF or if you're the loved one of a CFer.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore memoirs and this one was beautifully written, not overdone, and completely heartfelt.

[erin_su_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Foreign Cities is a memoir written by Elizabeth Scarboro. The book is about a couple dealing with cystic fibrosis and how it affects their relationship. What is interesting is how the book is not written from the patient's point of view, but the patient's loved ones. I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys reading.

[Joanne De Luca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I fell in love with this book, and with Liz and Stephen. It was a life changing read, really puts things into perspective about life and love. It's one of those books you end up missing when you're done. It was just so beautifully written, and I came to care about Liz and Stephen so much that I miss them now that I've finished reading the book.
I had no clue about this book, it was just a random find while browsing aisles at the library, but I am so grateful for this book!

[Lauren Meiss · Rating 5 out of 5]

The emotion in this memoir is just right- pulls you in before you even notice the tears streaming down your face, but doesn't drown you in forced sentiment. Wow. If you want some insight into a life touched by CF, a must read. Simply stunning.

[Roxane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moving, intelligent, beautifully controlled emotion in one of the more interesting memoirs I've read.

[j. · Rating 5 out of 5]

absolutely heartbreaking, but somehow in a soft, tender way.

[Elizabeth Severance · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the week to read this book for me. Coming up to the one year anniversary of becoming a 29 year old "widow" myself. Most of it is writing about her experience with him and CF and hospitals, but it's the last 100 pages or so that was for me. I spent the evening reading and sobbing. And while part of me could just keep crying and crying, part of me feels a little more at peace, (though thinking that makes me tear up all over again). There were parts that were good for me to read and good for me to realize other people thought too. Grief is so unique and every loss is different. Her loss was still sudden but also expected in a way that Bubba's never was. But I think she helped me and I thank her for sharing and writing her story. Here are a couple of my favorite parts- "I was half glad and half disappointed that my body could just keep going." And this one- "though I carry where I've been with me in the deep way we all do, so deeply that carrying is the wrong word- it implies too much separation, the possibility that you can see the shape of it, like a suitcase, set it down. It runs through me, unnoticed until someone points it out." The book also reminds me of how thankful I am for all the people who took care of me and how my students took care of me like hers did as well.

[Karyl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a whim from the new books section of my local library. I love memoirs, especially when they're written by what I call "normal" people, ie, not someone famous or well-known. So I was drawn to this book, but it languished on my library book shelf while I caught up on things due more quickly.

I delved into this book this morning with my coffee -- and hours later, I have finished it. I was able to put it down just long enough to feed myself and to prepare something for an upcoming party, but part of me was willing to forgo the party if I hadn't finished the book in time. I was sucked so completely and utterly into this book; it was as though I was a fly on the wall of Liz and Stephen's lives, watching everything unfold, the joys, the arguments, the ultimate heartbreak. She opens up completely to her readers and lets it all out. And that's what makes this book so incredible. From the first few pages, she grabs onto your soul and doesn't let go.

This will be a book that will remain with me for quite a while. I knew a boy when I was in middle school that had cystic fibrosis; my parents warned me he wouldn't live as long as I would. I'm 35 now, and it makes me wonder if he is still with us.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finished this book during a bout of insomnia the night after my computer crashed. I was already in the loss arena so reading Scarboro's frank description of her brief marriage to man who had cystic fibrosis drenched me in sensations of grief. Don't get me wrong. This couple knew how to play and have a good time despite a debilitating illness. I especially enjoyed the scenes that revealed them at play or joking in the hospital. I also appreciated that fact that Scarboro posited typical marriage differences in the midst of the distinct challenges the couple faced. This is a thought provoking book, one that certainly encourages seizing the moment but without sentimentality. It's OK to be sad, deliriously happy, goofy, and utterly confused all at the same time. Oh and Liz and Stephen's reliance on friends and family is beautifully underlined. The only reason I gave this book a 4 is because there are places where the writing fails to be fluid. Seems like a good editor might have shined it up a bit more.

[Kelsey Weatherford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elizabeth Scarboro’s memoir My Foreign Cities is an impressively open view into her fascinating and heart wrenching marriage. Stephen and Elizabeth met as teenagers and their friendship eventually turned into a relationship that they would relish for years to come. The only problem is that Stephen has cystic fibrosis, a chronic illness that means he is only expected to live to about thirty. The book explores all the typical ups and downs of a marriage but also focuses on the underlying struggle with CF. Elizabeth’s honest memoir illustrates broad themes like enjoying the people in your life and appreciating every minute all while still including the little details that make memoirs so intriguing. This book is an excellent choice for anyone who is, or knows someone, going through a similar situation because it offers an understanding, almost joyous outlook on the situation. Also, anyone who enjoys the reality, honesty and detail of a memoir will appreciate its clear, beautiful view at all the facets of life.

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Once again I would not have picked this had it not been recommended by the Chautauqua Literary Society. It was an interesting memoir and I was happy that I read it. Would I have chosen it on my own? Probably not. I am not a big fan of memoirs per se but this one kept my interest and even brought me to tears. I do recommend it…especially if you know someone with CF.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

It takes guts to write a book like this. She did a good job.

[Michaela Evanow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Superb writing. Couldn't put it down. She is a gifted writer with a story to tell. The ending did not disappoint. Left me feeling full, blue and still.

[Janeil Whitworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story was of interest to me because it’s a true story of a couple living through cystic fibrosis told from the partner’s perspective. Stephen has CF and he marries LIz, a woman he’s know since high school. Through Stephen’s decline, lung transplant, issues with dependency, and ultimate death, Liz details how she feels as CF slowly steals her husband and comes to terms with that. It was an emotional read for me, as I have CF and I put my husband and family in her shoes while reading. It’s a beautiful, raw, and honest story of how Stephen’s disease will leave a lasting impact on Liz and any life she chooses to live.

[Betty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose this book for its title rather than its content. As I began I realised the content was very relevant to my life, having lost a brother to CF ten years ago. The story was very emotional and well written and reflected on short life spans and how it affects people around you. I cried a lot reading it and feel it has helped heal yet another wound in the process of loss as well as help me empathise with other family members. Thanks E Scarboro

[Taylor Coleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

beautiful memoir about being with someone who has a chronic and debilitating illness. really beautifully tragic and written in a way that just tugs at your heart. this book did an excellent job of helping the reader see hospitalization and illnesses through the patient’s eyes and those who love them the most.

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely book about love and death. The author's experiences of both with her husband as they live with his cystic fibrosis are richly explored. Her writing style is fluid and thoughtful. I could easily relate her situation to my own and appreciated her wisdom.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Exceptionally well written memoir, very human—funny, sad, honest.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely amazing!!! I couldn't put it down!

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book ripped my heart out. It was absolutely beautiful.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

very sensitive memoir of a young woman married to a man with cystic fibrosis.

[Andrea Trenary · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Quick read.

[Sabeeha Rehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartwrenching and beautifully told.

[Tosha Sisler · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 - I'm not usually drawn to tragic books or books about illness. I am living with chronic illness myself and therefore get enough of these things in my own life. However, this book, and more specifically, this author, are being awarded a literary award at Chautauqua Institute this week and I wanted to read the book before I heard the author speak.

As someone with chronic illness, I am glad that I read the book. As Scarboro briefly mentions in the book, my experience with this illness and my husband's experience with this illness are uniquely ours and we cannot truly know how the other person is thinking or feeling. However, reading this life written by the "well-spouse" allows me a small window into that perspective.

As I quickly read the book in order to finish it before the award presentation, I had this strange feeling of rushing through Elizabeth's and Stephen's lives. However, I don't think this was just to do with my few-day-read. Elizabeth's and Stephen's lives were short together (and his in general). They rushed from one moment and one adventure to the next. Acutely aware that their lives were time-limited, they didn't want to let a moment pass unfilled. Elizabeth's prose were often clipped, jumping between people and places, immersing the reader in this feeling that there isn't time for full sentences and unnecessary words. As much as it's possible to share her experience with the readers, she has done so. When she emerges on the other side, she has to discover herself without Stephen and how this experience will shape her. The reader, is likewise, left to reflect on what this glimpse into Elizabeth's and Stephen's lives will mean to him/her.

[Catalina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book through Goodreads and when I received it I sort of just put it on my shelf and paid no mind to it. Not because the book didn't appeal to me, but because I wasn't ready to read something I couldn't relate to. I have never had to deal with a serious disease or a death and I wasn't ready to follow the story of a character who I couldn't pretend to be while I read. The thing about writing a review about a memoir is that you can't really judge it based on whether or not you liked the characters or the pace of the story. This story happened to someone in real life and it doesn't matter if Stephen seemed a little annoying or Liz seemed a little insensitive because we didn't even get the full effect like they did.

As far as the writing, it was phenomenal! I tend to have the need to fully immerse myself in a book and be able to relate and even without having a personal experience in the CF or even death area I felt all the baggage of emotions. In the moments of joy I smiled, at times I cried, I got angry for Liz's sake and felt the stress. Just when I thought things were looking up, I remembered this is a true story and realize that the ending will not be a happy one. It was expected when things turned for the worst or the best and yet you never saw it coming.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

The beginning of this book was a little light in content and made me wonder why it was chosen to receive the Chautauqua Prize 2014 - in fact I forced myself to keep reading. But it seems that the beginning of the book was just "setting the table" for the complexity of events and twists and turns that occur later. I have a much better understanding of cystic fibrosis and the impact on the life of the CF patient and the people who love him. But beyond that basic take-away, I appreciated the reflections and musing of the author as she experiences loving a CF patient and how she views life, death, grief. and relationships (both family and friends).n I cried through several chapters of the book although the writing was not really emotional or maudlin - it was just factual and brutally raw which triggered a strong reaction on my part.

[Kay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Scarboro writes of her teen years when she first loved her husband Stephen, deciding whether to commit herself to him and his struggle with cystic fibrosis (which they know will inevitably end in an early death), or take another path. They had ten years together, which included a lung transplant in his late twenties, before he died at thirty.

Several sentences from the front flap that especially capture the content are, "As time goes on and trouble looms, the dangers of Stephen's illness consume her, just as they will consume readers who will feel they have come to know this extraordinary couple. Scarboro tells her story of fierce love and its limitations with humor and remarkable bravery. My Foreign Cities is a portrait of a young couple approaching mortality with reckless abandon, gleefully outrunning it for as long as they can."

[Frank · Rating 3 out of 5]

At times, it was hard to follow exactly where it was taking place, when, and who the assorted cast of characters were. At one point, I had to look up the book she was reading just to get a sense of what year it was. Although it was an interesting look into living with this disease, I felt it could have used a little more structure. At some points, the chapter ends abruptly in what seemed like the middle of a conversation, or she would hop from one location to the next jarringly, with little or no transition. I did find her dealings with grief and loss heart wrenching and intriguing. It's a strange sensation, when you've been reading a book and you feel as if you've climbed into this other person's life, and when it's over, you feel almost like you miss them a little, like you've come out of a fog of someone else's existence and now have to resume your own life.