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Joy of Self-Pleasuring: Why Feel Guilty About Feeling Good?
Psychiatrist and sex therapist Edward L. Rowan, M.D., has written this unique book to encourage us all to come out of the closet. Masturbation is surely one of the most common human activities, and yet most of us react to the subject with embarrassment. Americans are generally so uncomfortable with the topic that former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders was fired for indiscreetly suggesting in public that high school kids masturbate as a way of avoiding HIV infection.Dr. Rowan points to the Elders incident as evidence that we are still victims of a negative cultural attitude spawned by the sin and sickness models of early Church fathers and medical practitioners who did not know any better. Unfortunately, they established a pattern of shame and guilt that is difficult to overcome in spite of our current knowledge.Although masturbation is now recognized as a therapeutic tool in addressing sexual dysfunction and problematic arousal patterns, Rowan argues that it can be much more. Good orgasms, whether alone or with a partner, provide a sense of well-being and personal autonomy. Relationships are better when one does not have to depend solely on a partner to make them whole. Masturbation is also the safest form of safe sex.While masturbation is a universal behavior, there are differences in motivation, frequency, technique, and fantasy patterns between men and women. Rowan discusses these differences while emphasizing that masturbation can be good sex and should be experienced for pleasure not just as a tension release.Our attitudes are due for a change, says Dr. Rowan, and The Joy of Self-Pleasuring is designed to promote that change while offering the reader information, insight, and humor as well.
226 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2000
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
June 27, 2015
Excellent
Incredible book on a very important, and sensitive subject, I found myself relieved and well informed. The joys of self pleasuring
Incredible book on a very important, and sensitive subject, I found myself relieved and well informed. The joys of self pleasuring
June 25, 2026
(The English review is placed beneath the Russian one)
Прямой аналог книг Human Autoerotic Practices и The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self. Удивительно, что книга была издана в 2000 году, т.к. я думал, что из-за взятой темы, которая была актуальна лишь для 70-ых и 80-ых, она именно этими годами и датируется. В любом случаи эта книга является сборником разных тем написанных разными авторами, которых объединяет тема «мастурбация». Чего-то нового, и культурно значимого в книге нет. Для сегодняшнего дня выводы авторов являются самоочевидными. Хотя это примечательно, что такая книга вообще появилась.
In summary then, sexual arousal is pleasurable and it can lead to the even more pleasurable sensation of orgasm. However, internalized societal rules place limits on the expression of that pleasure, and they create shame and guilt when the rules are broken. Sex feels physically good but it feels emotionally bad.
Attitudes about masturbation have come to symbolize the societal prohibition of sexuality. If pleasure can be experienced alone, then denial and control of that pleasure become models for the authoritarian imposition of self-discipline in the pursuit of larger societal goals.
<…>
The grant was awarded to the University of North Carolina. In 1991 it was cancelled. Both studies fell victim to "family values" and the wholly invalid perception that learning about sexuality promotes sexual experimentation. In reality, sex education promotes responsible sexual behavior. We may have lost a statistical update, but some kids have lost their lives because of this incorrect bias.
<…>
Like its counterpart in the United States, the study of sexual behavior in Britain failed to receive government funding as it had been halted by Margaret Thatcher. It was eventually supported by a private foundation. Questions about masturbation had met with "distaste and embarrassment" during the design phase, so the subject was not part of the interview survey.
Примечательно, что политиков больше беспокоит не проблема СПИДа или ранняя беременность, а именно сексуальное просвещение, что ещё раз подтверждает тезис, что политиков больше заботит собственный рейтинг, а не благополучие народа.
Some men do not want to talk about masturbation because they are ashamed. Their image of themselves as "real men" requires that they get their sexual satisfaction exclusively from real women.
<…>
He might also be seen as unable to control his sexual urges or to express them appropriately. Old associations that "sex is dirty" might be reinforced by having to clean up the ejaculate.
Тема мастурбации как культурного феномена довольно интересна, но мало кто из учёных смог провести всестороннее и комплексное исследование как мне кажется в силу табуированности данной темы, а эта табуированность берёт корни из культурного нашего прошлого. Впрочем, я думаю это лишь один из факторов, и под этим запретом (табу) скрывается множество причин, а возможно также и человеческих комплексов.
The more authoritarian and controlling the society, the more masturbation is punished.
<…>
From the Muslim world, girls in Bahrain are taught to wash their genitals "with finger and thumb closed" in order to avoid reaching and feeling. In Iran the only reference to self-pleasuring "appears to be within the context of preprayer ablutions requirements on the male after voluntary ejaculation." From the Ukraine, attitudes "reflect the [former] Soviet view that sex is shameful and not a useful human activity for the socialist society." Finally, one Japanese survey that did include women found only 30 percent to have masturbated: "A good Japanese woman should always be modest in any sexual activity."
Я пришёл к точно такому же выводу, наблюдая за просто фанатичной борьбой авторитарных властей во всём мире, только не конкретно с мастурбацией, а с сексуальностью как таковой, включая известную борьбу российских властей с ЛГБТ.
While that may be as good as it gets in the real world, there is still an undercurrent of shame that a precocious child would recognize. The open promotion of masturbation is still a liberal utopian concept and not part of a religiously conservative utopia at all. Sociologist John Gagnon found that fewer than half of the parents surveyed about sex education wanted their children to have a positive attitude toward masturbation although a large majority knew that their children were masturbating. Not only does this complicate future adult communications, but, it also makes it extremely difficult to counsel someone that they ought to be masturbating.
Как итог мы имеем абсолютно не искреннюю, но циничную цивилизацию.
A direct counterpart to the books "Human Autoerotic Practices" and "The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century, Volume I: Sex and the Self". It’s surprising that the book was published in 2000, since I thought that, given its subject matter—which was relevant only in the ’70s and ’80s—it would date from those very years. In any case, this book is a collection of various essays written by different authors, all united by the theme of “masturbation.” There is nothing new or culturally significant in the book. From today’s perspective, the authors’ conclusions are self-evident. Still, it is noteworthy that such a book was published at all.
In summary then, sexual arousal is pleasurable and it can lead to the even more pleasurable sensation of orgasm. However, internalized societal rules place limits on the expression of that pleasure, and they create shame and guilt when the rules are broken. Sex feels physically good but it feels emotionally bad.
Attitudes about masturbation have come to symbolize the societal prohibition of sexuality. If pleasure can be experienced alone, then denial and control of that pleasure become models for the authoritarian imposition of self-discipline in the pursuit of larger societal goals.
<…>
The grant was awarded to the University of North Carolina. In 1991 it was cancelled. Both studies fell victim to "family values" and the wholly invalid perception that learning about sexuality promotes sexual experimentation. In reality, sex education promotes responsible sexual behavior. We may have lost a statistical update, but some kids have lost their lives because of this incorrect bias.
<…>
Like its counterpart in the United States, the study of sexual behavior in Britain failed to receive government funding as it had been halted by Margaret Thatcher. It was eventually supported by a private foundation. Questions about masturbation had met with "distaste and embarrassment" during the design phase, so the subject was not part of the interview survey.
It is noteworthy that politicians are more concerned not with the problem of AIDS or teenage pregnancy, but specifically with sex education, which once again confirms the argument that politicians care more about their own approval ratings than about the well-being of the people.
Some men do not want to talk about masturbation because they are ashamed. Their image of themselves as "real men" requires that they get their sexual satisfaction exclusively from real women.
<…>
He might also be seen as unable to control his sexual urges or to express them appropriately. Old associations that "sex is dirty" might be reinforced by having to clean up the ejaculate.
The topic of masturbation as a cultural phenomenon is quite interesting, but few scholars have been able to conduct a comprehensive and in-depth study—in my opinion, because of the taboo surrounding this topic, a taboo that has its roots in our cultural past. However, I think this is just one of the factors, and behind this prohibition (taboo) lie many reasons, and perhaps also human complexes.
The more authoritarian and controlling the society, the more masturbation is punished.
<…>
From the Muslim world, girls in Bahrain are taught to wash their genitals "with finger and thumb closed" in order to avoid reaching and feeling. In Iran the only reference to self-pleasuring "appears to be within the context of preprayer ablutions requirements on the male after voluntary ejaculation." From the Ukraine, attitudes "reflect the [former] Soviet view that sex is shameful and not a useful human activity for the socialist society." Finally, one Japanese survey that did include women found only 30 percent to have masturbated: "A good Japanese woman should always be modest in any sexual activity."
I came to exactly the same conclusion while observing the downright fanatical crackdown by authoritarian governments around the world—not specifically against masturbation, but against sexuality as such, including the well-known crackdown by Russian authorities on the LGBT community.
While that may be as good as it gets in the real world, there is still an undercurrent of shame that a precocious child would recognize. The open promotion of masturbation is still a liberal utopian concept and not part of a religiously conservative utopia at all. Sociologist John Gagnon found that fewer than half of the parents surveyed about sex education wanted their children to have a positive attitude toward masturbation although a large majority knew that their children were masturbating. Not only does this complicate future adult communications, but, it also makes it extremely difficult to counsel someone that they ought to be masturbating.
The result is a civilization that is not at all sincere, but rather cynical.
Прямой аналог книг Human Autoerotic Practices и The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self. Удивительно, что книга была издана в 2000 году, т.к. я думал, что из-за взятой темы, которая была актуальна лишь для 70-ых и 80-ых, она именно этими годами и датируется. В любом случаи эта книга является сборником разных тем написанных разными авторами, которых объединяет тема «мастурбация». Чего-то нового, и культурно значимого в книге нет. Для сегодняшнего дня выводы авторов являются самоочевидными. Хотя это примечательно, что такая книга вообще появилась.
In summary then, sexual arousal is pleasurable and it can lead to the even more pleasurable sensation of orgasm. However, internalized societal rules place limits on the expression of that pleasure, and they create shame and guilt when the rules are broken. Sex feels physically good but it feels emotionally bad.
Attitudes about masturbation have come to symbolize the societal prohibition of sexuality. If pleasure can be experienced alone, then denial and control of that pleasure become models for the authoritarian imposition of self-discipline in the pursuit of larger societal goals.
<…>
The grant was awarded to the University of North Carolina. In 1991 it was cancelled. Both studies fell victim to "family values" and the wholly invalid perception that learning about sexuality promotes sexual experimentation. In reality, sex education promotes responsible sexual behavior. We may have lost a statistical update, but some kids have lost their lives because of this incorrect bias.
<…>
Like its counterpart in the United States, the study of sexual behavior in Britain failed to receive government funding as it had been halted by Margaret Thatcher. It was eventually supported by a private foundation. Questions about masturbation had met with "distaste and embarrassment" during the design phase, so the subject was not part of the interview survey.
Примечательно, что политиков больше беспокоит не проблема СПИДа или ранняя беременность, а именно сексуальное просвещение, что ещё раз подтверждает тезис, что политиков больше заботит собственный рейтинг, а не благополучие народа.
Some men do not want to talk about masturbation because they are ashamed. Their image of themselves as "real men" requires that they get their sexual satisfaction exclusively from real women.
<…>
He might also be seen as unable to control his sexual urges or to express them appropriately. Old associations that "sex is dirty" might be reinforced by having to clean up the ejaculate.
Тема мастурбации как культурного феномена довольно интересна, но мало кто из учёных смог провести всестороннее и комплексное исследование как мне кажется в силу табуированности данной темы, а эта табуированность берёт корни из культурного нашего прошлого. Впрочем, я думаю это лишь один из факторов, и под этим запретом (табу) скрывается множество причин, а возможно также и человеческих комплексов.
The more authoritarian and controlling the society, the more masturbation is punished.
<…>
From the Muslim world, girls in Bahrain are taught to wash their genitals "with finger and thumb closed" in order to avoid reaching and feeling. In Iran the only reference to self-pleasuring "appears to be within the context of preprayer ablutions requirements on the male after voluntary ejaculation." From the Ukraine, attitudes "reflect the [former] Soviet view that sex is shameful and not a useful human activity for the socialist society." Finally, one Japanese survey that did include women found only 30 percent to have masturbated: "A good Japanese woman should always be modest in any sexual activity."
Я пришёл к точно такому же выводу, наблюдая за просто фанатичной борьбой авторитарных властей во всём мире, только не конкретно с мастурбацией, а с сексуальностью как таковой, включая известную борьбу российских властей с ЛГБТ.
While that may be as good as it gets in the real world, there is still an undercurrent of shame that a precocious child would recognize. The open promotion of masturbation is still a liberal utopian concept and not part of a religiously conservative utopia at all. Sociologist John Gagnon found that fewer than half of the parents surveyed about sex education wanted their children to have a positive attitude toward masturbation although a large majority knew that their children were masturbating. Not only does this complicate future adult communications, but, it also makes it extremely difficult to counsel someone that they ought to be masturbating.
Как итог мы имеем абсолютно не искреннюю, но циничную цивилизацию.
A direct counterpart to the books "Human Autoerotic Practices" and "The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century, Volume I: Sex and the Self". It’s surprising that the book was published in 2000, since I thought that, given its subject matter—which was relevant only in the ’70s and ’80s—it would date from those very years. In any case, this book is a collection of various essays written by different authors, all united by the theme of “masturbation.” There is nothing new or culturally significant in the book. From today’s perspective, the authors’ conclusions are self-evident. Still, it is noteworthy that such a book was published at all.
In summary then, sexual arousal is pleasurable and it can lead to the even more pleasurable sensation of orgasm. However, internalized societal rules place limits on the expression of that pleasure, and they create shame and guilt when the rules are broken. Sex feels physically good but it feels emotionally bad.
Attitudes about masturbation have come to symbolize the societal prohibition of sexuality. If pleasure can be experienced alone, then denial and control of that pleasure become models for the authoritarian imposition of self-discipline in the pursuit of larger societal goals.
<…>
The grant was awarded to the University of North Carolina. In 1991 it was cancelled. Both studies fell victim to "family values" and the wholly invalid perception that learning about sexuality promotes sexual experimentation. In reality, sex education promotes responsible sexual behavior. We may have lost a statistical update, but some kids have lost their lives because of this incorrect bias.
<…>
Like its counterpart in the United States, the study of sexual behavior in Britain failed to receive government funding as it had been halted by Margaret Thatcher. It was eventually supported by a private foundation. Questions about masturbation had met with "distaste and embarrassment" during the design phase, so the subject was not part of the interview survey.
It is noteworthy that politicians are more concerned not with the problem of AIDS or teenage pregnancy, but specifically with sex education, which once again confirms the argument that politicians care more about their own approval ratings than about the well-being of the people.
Some men do not want to talk about masturbation because they are ashamed. Their image of themselves as "real men" requires that they get their sexual satisfaction exclusively from real women.
<…>
He might also be seen as unable to control his sexual urges or to express them appropriately. Old associations that "sex is dirty" might be reinforced by having to clean up the ejaculate.
The topic of masturbation as a cultural phenomenon is quite interesting, but few scholars have been able to conduct a comprehensive and in-depth study—in my opinion, because of the taboo surrounding this topic, a taboo that has its roots in our cultural past. However, I think this is just one of the factors, and behind this prohibition (taboo) lie many reasons, and perhaps also human complexes.
The more authoritarian and controlling the society, the more masturbation is punished.
<…>
From the Muslim world, girls in Bahrain are taught to wash their genitals "with finger and thumb closed" in order to avoid reaching and feeling. In Iran the only reference to self-pleasuring "appears to be within the context of preprayer ablutions requirements on the male after voluntary ejaculation." From the Ukraine, attitudes "reflect the [former] Soviet view that sex is shameful and not a useful human activity for the socialist society." Finally, one Japanese survey that did include women found only 30 percent to have masturbated: "A good Japanese woman should always be modest in any sexual activity."
I came to exactly the same conclusion while observing the downright fanatical crackdown by authoritarian governments around the world—not specifically against masturbation, but against sexuality as such, including the well-known crackdown by Russian authorities on the LGBT community.
While that may be as good as it gets in the real world, there is still an undercurrent of shame that a precocious child would recognize. The open promotion of masturbation is still a liberal utopian concept and not part of a religiously conservative utopia at all. Sociologist John Gagnon found that fewer than half of the parents surveyed about sex education wanted their children to have a positive attitude toward masturbation although a large majority knew that their children were masturbating. Not only does this complicate future adult communications, but, it also makes it extremely difficult to counsel someone that they ought to be masturbating.
The result is a civilization that is not at all sincere, but rather cynical.
May 3, 2023
An excellent book on giving many of us who grew up in homes where sex and masturbation were never discussed the permission to leave our guilt behind and enjoy the gift of self pleasure without reservation.
March 21, 2024
I came across this book over 20 years ago when my 3 sons were in their early teens and pre-teens. The boys mother and I were divorced, and she wanted no part of this normal human practice, so I sought out resources that would help support the talks I had with each of them.
The boys each had their own bedrooms at my house and I placed a copy of this book in my oldest son's room when he was about 15 (when I discovered the book) and then in my younger son's rooms when they were about 12-13 years old when they came to visit me in the summers for 8 weeks.
I didn't think much of it for years, but recently my oldest, who is now 37, and has a 12 year old of his own, asked me if I remembered this book. I was pleased to hear how much it meant to him as a teen and how he was trying to see if he could find it still.
While its long since out of print, I consider it still to be an excellent book for teens
The boys each had their own bedrooms at my house and I placed a copy of this book in my oldest son's room when he was about 15 (when I discovered the book) and then in my younger son's rooms when they were about 12-13 years old when they came to visit me in the summers for 8 weeks.
I didn't think much of it for years, but recently my oldest, who is now 37, and has a 12 year old of his own, asked me if I remembered this book. I was pleased to hear how much it meant to him as a teen and how he was trying to see if he could find it still.
While its long since out of print, I consider it still to be an excellent book for teens
November 30, 2019
Is it ethical to bust a nut?
Yes.
Yes.
July 20, 2023
Very helpful and common sense approach to an issue that many of us struggled with for years. What a relief to be free of the guilt that I experienced for decades!
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews