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Who We Are in Real Life

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Fans of Rainbow Rowell and Casey McQuiston will fall for this story of tabletop gaming, romance and epic campaigns — both in game and IRL.

IRL, Darcy has just moved to the small prairie town of Unity Creek with her two moms. It feels like she left everything good behind in the city. She misses her tabletop gaming friends and her boyfriend — and is horrified by the homophobia her family faces in their new home. Then she meets kind, quiet Art, who invites her to join his Dungeons & Dragons game.

Art is mostly happy fading into the background at school and only really coming alive during his friends’ weekly D&D game — until meeting Darcy pulls his life off-course in wonderful and alarming ways. Suddenly he has something worth fighting for. But what if that something puts him in conflict with his father, an influential and conservative figure in their town? Can Art stand up against his father’s efforts to prevent Darcy and her friends from starting a queer-straight alliance at school?

Meanwhile, in game, Darcy’s and Art’s D&D characters join forces to fight corruption as they grow closer in the homebrew world of Durgeon’s Keep — as fantasy and reality collide.

 

Key Text Features

chapters

dialogue

281 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 6, 2024

18 people are currently reading
3705 people want to read

About the author

Victoria Koops

1 book28 followers

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 111 reviews
Profile Image for Bethany (Beautifully Bookish Bethany).
2,778 reviews4,683 followers
January 23, 2024
4.5 stars rounded up

Geeky YA romance with Dungeons & Dragons, tackling small town homophobia and leaving abusive relationships! This was really great and it grew on me more and more as I read. Darcy has two moms and has just moved with them from the city to a small town where they face homophobic backlash. Darcy is prickly, misses the city, is into D&D, and has a questionable long distance boyfriend. Art is a gangly teen boy who is very involved in a local gaming group. When the two are put together for an English project, there is clear chemistry. But things get complicated, especially when Darcy wants to start a Queer Straight Alliance at their high school.

There's a lot going on here but I think it's handled pretty well. Like the validity of being bisexual even if you date men (i.e. Darcy), the difficulty of leaving an abusive relationship, and way homophobic parents might be hurting their own kids. There are parts of the story written in the D&D game which was fun. I wasn't quite as invested in those as in the main narrative but they're still pretty engaging and add something different. There seems to be a lot of discourse about Darcy's decisions and whether she's likable. Here's the thing, I don't need my protagonists to be likable or make great decisions. Especially when we're talking about teenagers. Darcy and Art equally do some stupid things and are hurtful to people in their lives. Darcy is prickly- an angry, emotional teen girl and personally I think that's pretty relatable. This may not work for everyone, but I liked it.

I think this is a very solid debut novel and worth a read if it sounds up your ally. I received a copy of this book for review via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.
Profile Image for Jaquie Moreau.
89 reviews
February 20, 2024
Thank you to Netgalley, Victoria Koops, and the publisher for the digital ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

I was very excited when I saw this book and then read the description of what it was going to be about. As a queer person, as well as someone who has a deep love for D&D, this seemed right up my alley. Unfortunately, it really ended up lacking in most departments. If it weren't for its redeeming qualites and good writing in certain parts, I would have given it a 1/5, but I'll give it a 2.5/5 for the things I did enjoy.

And I'll start off with the good stuff. The writing when it came to the D&D campaign was amazing. It was very easy to read as well as get invested in. Koops does fantasy very well, and while there were times where I wish we could have learned more about the other characters that weren't Roman, it was understandable as to why, and I still really enjoyed the story. I loved the lore, and how things tied together, and it really came off as a beautiful game I would have loved to be a part in. I wonder if this was actually a story Koops got to play in, or if it was straight up made for this book.

Then I was taken out of that world and had to deal with the "shitty teen" trope in the form of Darcy.

Darcy really got on my nerves almost the moment we are introduced to her. It's understandable to be upset about a move, especially in these times when a teenager thinks the world really sucks. However, the way that she interacted with people, even The Moms, was just so unlikeable and cynical. The way that she treated her mom's and always called them by their names made it seem like they weren't a real family, like she was adopted instead of having spent all her life with them. And a lot of time when she get's in trouble with them is for something silly, so they don't really have a right to be angry with her, but when they are, it was over bad communication which is one of my pet peeves when it comes to books.

The way that Darcy treats Art, our other protagonist, is even worse and they are so terrible together. Darcy is Art's greatest bully, and he just puts up with it because... she's really pretty? Darcy gets offended by him easily, calls him a homophobe because he's not as educated as her when it comes to the queer community, and demands that he educates himself on a matter that has nothing to do with him when they're not even friends. This boy jumps through hoops to make her happy, and the only time that she IS happy is when she gets to talk about her own interests. Art doesn't get anything out of their relationship, (friend or romantic) and simply puts up with her because she's pretty and they're both nerds.

I wish this book had focused on just the D&D aspect, rather than getting justice for the minority of the queer community, because the book really failed to fix that in a satisfying way. Darcy is so passionate about the QSA club when it comes to defending it to Art, but otherwise it just seems like a "sidequest", as the two main character's would say in one of their less cringey lines. Darcy is constantly angry over the fact Art isn't as dedicated to the club's success as she is, even when he was very angry and wanted to do the right thing when his not-girlfriend got a death threat that no one does anything about. He's called a coward for not putting in the work, or defending at the very least his girlfriend, but no one else is standing their ground.

When it comes to the bad guy, Art's father Marcus, no one stands up to him. But it's only a bad thing because Art doesn't do it? His sister, Dawn, isn't persecuted when she doesn't stand up to him, and she has more reason to since she has doubts about her own sexuality. Even when the group that would make up the QSA comes forwards to try and appeal to the community, they only state facts and don't fight back and show that they mean business. LGBTQ+ rights have never been granted without a fight, and the group backs down and cries that they didn't get their way.

Then comes the big fight between Darcy and Art when he finds out some of her secrets, and even though Darcy lied to him and didn't apologize for it, he's STILL the bad guy. No one is there to comfort him after she's betrayed him, but because Darcy was also a vicitm, he gets pushed to the side. Apparently Darcy can do no wrong.

Should he have defended Darcy against his dad at dinner if he loved her like he said? Yes. But the end of this book got me so heated when everyone is calling Art a POS for not standing up to his father when no one else wants to. And then in the end, even when he does, it didn't even help. The Mom's were the ones that ended up helping, Art's relationship with his father is strained even further (not that big of a deal), and the fact that they can have the QSA isn't even celebrated, maybe because they didn't really do much to earn it.

Again, I honestly wish this has just focused on the D&D aspect, or had made the homophobic plot a little less sporatic and die hard. If so, this book could have easily been a 4/5.
Profile Image for Rowan's Bookshelf (Carleigh).
679 reviews58 followers
February 16, 2024
Pretty cute! Loved all the chapters within the DnD campaign, though the parallels to real life aren't even trying to be subtle. The writing is a little dated already (I almost gagged when Art was actually called a precious cinnamon roll), and the chapters sometimes just. end in the middle of a scene. There's a lot that gets resolved off screen, and the QSA plot gets really lost at times. Darcy also takes a good while to warm up to, in the beginning she is a BRAT and sooo standoffish, but luckily she opens up and stops being so much of an angsty teenager lol. Has some problems, but still enjoyable.
Profile Image for Rachel Ashera Rosen.
Author 5 books56 followers
January 29, 2025
This is a cute afterschool special of a book. I think, had you shown it to me as a teenager, I'd have felt very seen and validated by it. I was, in fact, craving this kind of representation as a kid. So I'm glad it exists and I think it'll be good for at least some part of its audience.

As an adult, responsible for teenagers, I have mixed feelings. There was a lot I liked—the cute romance and friend groups, the D&D scenes and references, but it feels like an instruction manual for how to be a Good Ally, which left me wondering who this was for, exactly. At the end of it, I got the impression that to be a Good Ally you just needed to read the right books and say the right things, rather than the grand fight against injustice that the D&D plotline alluded to. If I were a straight male teenager meant to relate to Art, I'd come away feeling like I just needed to stand there and be nice, and my reward would be a hot goth geek girl. Which, I'm fairly certain isn't the intended message.
Profile Image for Salina.
80 reviews
February 21, 2024
ARC provided by Netgalley and House of Anansi Press Inc., Groundwood Books, thank you!!
Rating 4.5
I am not a big YA reader, as someone still actively trying to suppress my own high school experience more than a decade later, but as a fellow Saskatchewanian I couldn't resist giving this a shot, and I'm thrilled I did!
I'm a big ol nerd currently obsessed with Baldur's Gate 3 and this was a nice way to get more RPG in my life. I will also say that the fantasy breaking up the high school IRL life was great and made the high school stuff more effective to me. It's an important story about LGBTQIA+ acceptance that could have easily been bogged down with the minutiae of high school drama but it was more adult and with the parallels between the IRL story and the RPG story it provided a nice balance. I also liked the ending with the "Don't ask, don't tell" line because people are complex and it wouldn't have made sense for complete change of heart, even if we wish that were the case more often.
Profile Image for Amy (I'd Rather Be Sleeping).
1,044 reviews8 followers
January 14, 2024
Cross-posted to Netgalley

I want to give a big thank you to Netgalley and the publisher (Groundwood Books) for this free ARC in exchange for my honest opinion. (And oh boy is this opinion honest and honestly mine.)

I have so much to say about this book. I have over three pages of notes on Word - at least half of it covering the same subject: the romance.

Okay, first, what worked for me. The gaming. That's why I was interested in this book. And it is lovely. The sections of novelizing their campaign were well written, polished and descriptive. The irl gaming talk and segments were obviously drawing on the author's own enthusiasm and experience. If I could have stayed here, the book would have been four stars for me.

But, the 'real life' I did not find as polished or as well written, and then the drama started and just grew and grew until it took over the whole story.

This book deals with sexual assault, bullying, death threats, threats of suicide, cheating, abusive relationships, homophobia, ect. It all got to be just too much for me.

Then came the tent-peg romance. Darcy and Art. Our co-leads.

I did not like or support their relationship. I could have, but there were events that - due to Netgalley's spoiler policy - I will not get into here. Let's just say Darcy's actions were waved away without her having to take any responsibility for them. There were extenuating circumstances, but that did not negate her poor choices - and I did not like the way the book seemed to push the idea that she made no mistakes and did nothing wrong.

All in all, I am literally heartbroken that this book didn't turn out better for me.


There be light relationship spoilers beyond this point


Profile Image for Bronwen.
60 reviews6 followers
February 5, 2024
This feels like a book I would have absolutely adored when I was a teenager and I would have really loved to have the representation that this book brings. I think there were a lot of really important topics in this book and I would highly recommend it to teens and people in the YA age range, but as an adult in my 30's, some of it just made me tired.

Darcy is moved to a small rural town when one of her mom's is hired as the local doctor. However, this is rural Canadian prairies and if you have any experience there, it's usually very conservative. I grew up in southern Alberta so I can tell you what happens to the queer people in this story is very realistic. Although it was just as likely bricks would be thrown through windows for liking a rival hockey team as being queer. Fun times (not).

Back to the review! Darcy quickly makes a friend, Art, in English class where they are partners in a project about storytelling. Both love D&D and any tabletop roleplaying, so they become fast friends and build their project around that mutual interest. There is teen romance, teen angst and drama. There is an abusive and emotional manipulative relationship and there is homophobia experienced by characters. All of this challenged and a lot of the book is about fighting those issues and finding family and friends who will stand with Darcy. The book is a huge advocate of Queer Straight Alliances in schools and I think it shows the real things that teens come up against when trying to be who they are, safely.

All of this is happening while our characters also take part in a Thursday night (it's Thursday night, IYKYK) and the story switches from IRL (in real life) to story write ups from game night. These fantasy bits were good, but the back and forth meant that I didn't ever feel invested in either the real life side, or the game side. Neither had quite enough time and exploration for me to be super connected. There's a lot of pop culture references, especially around D&D so if you're not in that world, you might not understand.

While I think that this is completely in line with real teenage behaviour, I just felt too old to connect with the main characters. But I am so happy to see books like this becoming more and more common because my teens years seriously lacked good representation of what it was actually like to be a teenager and be part of the LGBT community.

Thanks to Netgalley for a digital copy of the book to review!
Profile Image for Cassandra.
1,339 reviews101 followers
June 16, 2024
i'm conflicted. I didn't dislike this but reading two stories that felt very disconnected between one chapter to the next pulled me out of the story completely. I liked the story overall and the conversation that this will bring forward should not go unnoticed but I thought that separately, the D&D portion was great and creative but woven into a pretty important conversation didn't feel like it made much sense.

Darcy just kinda bothered me right from the start. She was so mean to her moms but then got over it without any acknowledgement of her attitude. Her relationship with James was terrible and I understand the fear of leaving him however that doesn't excuse how we treated Art either. Also the fact of the matter is, there was still cheating involved and that was pretty much the last nail in the coffin here. The IRL chapters honestly just read messier than the campaign chapters and maybe this should've just been a simpler story because in the end, it felt like we were doing a lot of things halfway.
Profile Image for Ren.
797 reviews9 followers
December 29, 2024
Okay, you got me. It didn't take much, given that I'm a sucker for a good YA romance, but Koops hit exactly what being in the nerd circles in rural areas and in the city can be like somewhere like the prairies; both good and bad. I hate that I know the exact situations Darcy was dealing with, due to how prevalent guys like James are in that community. However, for every James there are thirty Arts and Michelles, people who want to share the things they love with others, no strings attached. That being said, the plot did feel a little cluttered. I wish that Koops had chosen either the QSA plotline or the romance side to run with. Neither were done badly, it just felt like a lot to tackle. All in all, a great book, and I'm happy to put forward writers from the prairies any day!
Profile Image for Vemiline.
22 reviews
February 8, 2024
4.0 stars

TW: Emotional abuse, homophobia

Wow, okay there was so much to unpack here.

I’d like to thank NetGalley and House of Anansi Press Inc. for giving me the opportunity to read this novel!

“Such an awkward cinnamon roll.”

Again, wow. That novel blew me away! I had so much fun reading this novel as a Dungeons and Dragons newbie myself. There were so many impactful scenes, but with the typical teenager angst, you’d get annoyed with the characters possibly, but I guess I was annoyed in a good way. I feel it properly displayed things a teenager might think, so good job, Victoria Koops. You did well.

“I mutter an Elvish curse under my breath.”

I actually laughed out loud at some of the scenes and the cute little does he/she like me thoughts were adorable. Haaa, to be young again… I say as a younger adult myself haha

“I giggle. The halt, horrified. I don’t giggle.”

I don’t normally talk about the quotes, but the quotes here aren’t necessarily “deep” and “thought-provoking”. Let me say that that’s more than alright with me. With the quote above I wrote in my annotation journal: “You do now bbygirl.” It really felt like I was in a teenager’s head.

“If life were an RPG, with experience points and levels, I just failed my personal quest.”

Okay now. Let’s talk a little about the Dungeons and Dragons aspect of it. The campaign? Very well written as it actually gave me scenes I could picture in my head. The provision of character stats that both Darcy and Art would give to other people was really cool! I feel though that maybe (I could be wrong) it would translate better to more advanced Dungeons and Dragons players as they would be able to perceive the characters better than a newer player (like me) would. I do think that if you are going into this blind without ANY DnD experience, you will be confused out of your minds.

“Sorry, but they’re just books, kid. A little bump won’t hurt them.” -> (THE AUDACITY)

All jokes aside, there were times I didn’t like the Darcy because of some the decisions she made -though let me say I love that she spoke up to the guys who were walking and talking in the hallway about her. I can’t be too harsh of her immaturity though because this is a teenage girl we are talking about here. The way she handled James wasn’t the greatest, but what could she do? She barely has any experience, and she’s being emotionally abused by James. I’m the beginning, I felt for James because I could see from his perspective, and he did nothing wrong………until he did what he did and said what he said. Never tell someone you will harm yourself if they leave you.

“They made a curious pair, but for some reason, he couldn’t imagine one without the other.”

I loved the diversity in this novel. One of the protagonists has 2 moms, is “bigger” than your typical “slender but not TOO slender” MC, is a person of colour, and is bisexual. The LBGTQ2S+ community plays a big role in this book. I love that Darcy finds home within the school’s small LGBTQ2S+ community, and chose to make the journey of making it so the school has a QSA. I also love that Art is then told about his privilege as a white cisgendered heterosexual and that speaking up to his homophobic dad does a lot more than he thought it did.

“I like the way you talk nerdy to me.”

As a fun book, there are obviously going to be cringeworthy quotes and I had to throw this little tidbit there. This book was a great read, and I hope to see more from this world. ALSO I think this takes place in Ontario, Canada? I was very confused to be seeing the names of cities I know and it made me question. I hope others had a good time reading this book as I had, and yea! It was a cute, but impactful novel with the amazingly cool addition of DnD in there.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Tara.
567 reviews1 follower
December 23, 2024
This book was EVERYTHING! The character development, the plot, the side characters, the expertly woven DnD references in both the IRL chapters and the Game chapters. I just loved it. This is what a YA book needs to be like. Quirky, fun, and tackling big issues in this skilful way.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5
Profile Image for DesanaRose.
273 reviews16 followers
December 28, 2023
This book is a fun read for DnD fans! Koops weaves gaming into real life, following Darcy and Art's journey. It tackles tough stuff—homophobia, hate crimes, and abusive relationships—but empowers and shows serious growth. Moving to Unity Creek shakes up Darcy's world, but her connection with Art, both big nerds, is heartwarming. Characters feel real, with biases and all. Despite some loose ends, it's a fun ride, celebrating DnD, personal strength, and growth.
Thank you Victoria Koops and NetGalley for letting me read this book.
3,502 reviews16 followers
January 22, 2024
i was so hyped. the idea was awesome and the game world never faltered. the irl world did at points, though. i found Darcy's character to be understandable and sympathetic, and i felt the chemistry at points, but throughout I just kept thinking a few things: 1) the swaps into IRL especially were too sudden at a lot of points.. 2) i didn't really... feel that they worked amazingly together, nor did i really feel too compelled by Art (his sisterDawn was honestly a stronger character despite being a side one). thanks for the arc! 3.5
Profile Image for Starr ❇✌❇.
1,745 reviews163 followers
February 5, 2024
I received an ARC from Edelweiss
TW: homophobia & fatphobia, abuse & threats of suicide, homophobic hate crime
3

D&D and GSAs do seem to have a pretty broad overlap, and this book plays into that. Honestly, I think that's the best thing about this story, and it could have played into it even more. I liked seeing the queerness and research into queerness alongside the nerdy aspects.
I also liked how the campaign reflected the actual story and, in particular, Art' personal struggle.

However, this wasn't written in a very deft way. There are a lot things here that felt like they could have been unpacked, and a lot that seems to disappear when it is convenient. Nothing is tied together very well, there isn't much of a flow.
In fact, the main problem is a feeling of flatness. The story, for one, but especially the characters. The characters are not 3 dimensional and don't seem to have that much emotion to them. For those reasons, and some plot reasons, the romance also really just doesn't work. It is built on close to nothing, and gives the reader little to care about.
Profile Image for Lisa.
38 reviews
September 21, 2024
A sweet and easy book. Nothing ground breaking or deep, but a nice story nonetheless. It was obviously a young adult, not written for someone 25+ y/o.
I liked the way the characters are developed, they were not just the love interest or just the diversity character, they all had so much more to them.
The Dungeons and dragons part was fun, and quite unique.
There were a few flaws in the writing, and a few characters I wish we saw more of, like Dawn or the ex.
But all in all, a satisfying story
Profile Image for Kristy.
139 reviews17 followers
February 8, 2024
I really enjoyed this, I wasn’t sure how old it would read based on other reviews but after reading it I actually think this is the perfect teen book. I’m not the target audience and although this book tries to do a lot in terms of exploring difficult topics I think it was good. Especially for what it is
Profile Image for Morgan.
189 reviews6 followers
February 14, 2024
4.1 rounded down to 4/5.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

"Who We Are in Real Life" by Victoria Koops is a journey that seamlessly blends the worlds of tabletop gaming and real-life struggles. With a captivating plot and characters that feel authentic, this novel explores themes of romance, friendship, and the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community.

The cover of the book immediately draws attention, setting the tone for a story that promises both adventure and emotion. The narrative follows Darcy, who has recently moved to Unity Creek, and Art, a quiet individual who finds solace in Dungeons & Dragons (D&D). As their lives intertwine, the story explores the complexities of relationships, identity, and standing up against adversity.

One of the strengths of the novel lies in its ability to weave gaming seamlessly into real life. Koops skillfully uses the Dungeons & Dragons game to parallel the characters' experiences, creating a unique and engaging narrative. Fans of Rainbow Rowell and Casey McQuiston will appreciate the exploration of romance within the gaming world.

The book tackles important and relevant issues such as homophobia, hate crimes, and the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community. The portrayal of Darcy's struggles in a new town and Art's internal conflict with his conservative father adds depth to the story. The inclusion of a queer-straight alliance (QSA) at school is a commendable aspect, shedding light on the importance of such organizations in fostering inclusivity and safety.

However, the novel does have its shortcomings. The depiction of emotional abuse and manipulative relationships, particularly with James, feels somewhat lacking. The glossing over of threats and abuse raises questions about the depth of exploration into these dark themes. Additionally, the resolution of the storyline with James appears rushed and incomplete, leaving readers craving a more comprehensive conclusion.

The game narrative, while intriguing, could become monotonous at times. Some readers may find themselves wishing for a quicker pace in certain sections of the book. Despite these minor drawbacks, the overall experience is a fun and enjoyable read, especially for those who appreciate stories centered around bonding over D&D.

In conclusion, "Who We Are in Real Life" offers a compelling blend of fantasy and reality, tackling important issues while providing a unique perspective on the power of friendship and love. Despite its flaws, the novel successfully captures the essence of the gaming community and the challenges faced by individuals navigating both the fictional world of Durgeon's Keep and the complexities of real life.
Profile Image for Kristie Wagner.
951 reviews37 followers
February 26, 2024
This was highly unexpected and wonderful. It was heartwarming, real, and just so relevant to what it's like to be in the position of these main characters. Darcy has moved to a very small town with her two moms for one of their jobs, and the difference between here and the city is stark. Art is a geeky kid, totally into Dungeons & Dragons and content with his friend group. Until he meets Darcy...

There are a lot of hard topics discussed in this book, but I feel like the author did an excellent job of addressing them in a real world situation. Abusive relationships, sexuality, safety in school, attacks and damage to property because of sexual inclination, and standing up for what's right, despite the possible and very personal barriers.

I loved this. It was sweet and romantic, creative, and really hit some bigotry head on. The dangers of not supporting students with something like a SQA or SGA, and the importance of educating allies and helping people learn about how they can become an ally.

If you're in need of resources, The Trevor project website is a great place to start.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/reso...

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
Profile Image for Madison.
46 reviews1 follower
January 26, 2024
I really liked the premise of this book. As someone who grew up a gamer and likes nerdy stuff like D&D as well as queer, I thought this book would be perfect. And there were a lot of cute moments shared throughout between the main characters Darcy and Art. I also liked how we got the story through both their POVs.

However, I was not able to immerse myself into the story very much. I honestly did not like Darcy and Art regarding their characters and the decisions they both make throughout the story. If anything I was more interested in Art's sister, Dawn, the most as she seemed the most level headed and likeable. I felt there wasn't a lot of background information to get me into the book. A lot of things were vaguely named so we don't know the name of the town Darcy moved to, the city she used to live in, the school she goes to, even the term D&D isn't really used and referred to as the "Game". It doesn't make the story feel very real. There were also moments that occurred in the story that were worded weirdly or just didn't make sense especially since there were times that a day would go by within the next sentence.

I thought I was going to enjoy the back and forth between "real life" and what was taking place during the "Game", but honestly I wasn't too interested in it. I understood the parallels between it and the real world, but they were very obvious and I felt like the in game "villain" being Roman's father was bland. These portions of the book were written very well though.

Thank you NetGalley and House of Anansi Press for an ARC copy!
Profile Image for Stacey.
417 reviews1 follower
February 4, 2024
Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

This book was adorable! I loved it so much. Every time the two main characters would be cute and adorable with each other, I would giggle. They were so cute together. The story itself was fantastic. I liked how Darcy never gave up for what she knew was right and that she and the rest of the queer kids in that school were able to find love and acceptance with each other.

Art was so sweet and I am glad he was willing to stand up for Darcy and the other queer people in the town even though he was scared at first. His and Darcy's love for role playing games like dungeons and dragons was so much fun! I liked that we got to read their characters campaign adventures throughout the book.

The best parts of this book though was all of the queer rep, found family trope, and the importance conversation about standing up to homophobia and how straight people can properly be allies to the queer community.
Profile Image for Andrew.
119 reviews3 followers
January 16, 2024
Thanks to Netgalley, Victoria Koops, and the publisher for the digital ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

Solid 4 stars.

This was a really cute geeky romance more than anything else. While I wasn't as much a fan of the in-game chapters, I think they added a lot of appeal for table-top RPG players and fantasy readers.

Who we Are in Real Life covers a lot of themes including homophobia, abusive relationships, and the "forbidden lovers" trope without feeling heavy-handed. Art and Darcy have great chemistry, and after the first few chapters, I really enjoyed reading from their perspectives. Most of the other characters felt reasonably well-constructed too, with a handful of exceptions that got minimal page time.

Also, the cover is great. I kind of wish it had been presented as a graphic novel with the same style, though I know that probably wasn't the author's intention.

I'll definitely recommend this to my teens, it's an easy sell to my current group of patrons.
115 reviews2 followers
December 27, 2023
This was a really fun read. As a DnD player, I loved the way Koops interwove DnD into Darcy and Art's mentalities, mirroring their DnD quest with real life. The book embraces some challenging topics, and does have some intense homophobia and hate crimes, as well as abusive relationships and sexual violence, but is empowering and showcases a lot of vulnerability and growth.

Darcy and her two moms are moving to the small town of Unity Creek. Darcy has to leave behind her school, her friends, her boyfriend, and her DnD group - in short everything that makes life worth living. Art has lived in Unity Creek his whole life, and when he gets paired up with Darcy in English class is intimidated by her - until he learns that she is just as big a nerd as he is and is into tabletop RPGs and DnD.

I really liked both of these characters. I think Koops has done a good job of capturing and creating fully fleshed out characters with lots of complex feelings and emotions. Art comes replete with a set of biases from his upbringing and Darcy has her own. Watching these two grow throughout the book was a lot of fun, and they are very sweet together.

As mentioned above, the book does tackle some very big topics. The hate crime is scary, and as we hear time and time again is a reality in lots of places in North America. The book doesn't really give much resolution for the crime, it's more hinted that the family gradually adapts to living in Unity Creek. I wanted to see a bit more of the family coming together and supporting each other through that.

The other one is the abusive relationship. I won't go into much detail for the sake of spoilers, but the conclusion of that felt somewhat rushed and without a proper resolution in my mind. I get that the book can only be so long, and leaving it where it did made sense to a degree, but it felt sort of like it was left hanging.

All that being said, I adored the book, loved the bonding and mutual love of DnD, and the strength of individuals found through playing games and allowing that confidence to bleed over into IRL.

Highly recommend you check this one out!
Profile Image for lily-rose marrello.
42 reviews
September 4, 2024
I don’t even know what to say. This was a crack read. I’m so confused. Ending was so rushed. Uninteresting, underdeveloped characters. Horrible structure. And why did all the gay characters introduce themselves with their name and sexual identity? It feels like this book is rage bait. I’d hate to play in this authors DnD game.
Profile Image for Lillian.
1,167 reviews9 followers
June 5, 2025
4.5

I really liked this book! it was well written. the D&D storyline felt sort of cumbersome at the beginning and I wanted to get to the IRL stuff, but the payoff on the D&D storyline was worth wading through it.

This book tackled a lot of tough stuff but the game narrative kept it lighter and broke up the heavy.

Took me longer to read it because my loan lapsed and had holds.
Profile Image for Kate.
574 reviews19 followers
February 14, 2024
A big thanks to NetGalley and Groundwood Books for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

I got Fangirls vibes, but it just wasn't all there.

Who We Are in Real Life by Victoria Koops is a YA contemporary novel about Darcy who has just moved to the small prairie town of Unity Creek with her two moms. It feels like she left everything good behind in the city. She misses her tabletop gaming friends and her boyfriend ― and is horrified by the homophobia her family faces in their new home. Then she meets kind, quiet Art, who invites her to join his Dungeons & Dragons game. Art is mostly happy fading into the background at school and only really coming alive during his friends’ weekly D&D game ― until meeting Darcy pulls his life off-course in wonderful and alarming ways. Suddenly he has something worth fighting for. But what if that something puts him in conflict with his father, an influential and conservative figure in their town? Can Art stand up against his father’s efforts to prevent Darcy and her friends from starting a queer-straight alliance at school? Meanwhile, in game, Darcy’s and Art’s D&D characters join forces to fight corruption as they grow closer in the homebrew world of Durgeon’s Keep ― as fantasy and reality collide.

This was a decent read. I think I'm getting exhausted reading so many contemporaries based on the nerd side of life. Like hello, I don't need DND to be romanticized. I just want to pummel goblins and be chaos in peace. But overall this was still a good book, but I just need some time away from contemporary reads.
Profile Image for ally.
1,032 reviews56 followers
March 14, 2024
2024 reads:56/124
no offense Darcy was a bit annoying and seemed selfish
BUT art was an absolute cinnamon roll that I loved
lowkey makes me want to start playing d&d again!
also I love the cover art :)
Profile Image for Rae.
166 reviews2 followers
January 19, 2025
I am 100% the target audience for this book. Fandom romantacy, with settings jumping between real life and in-game adventures. Very fun, feel good read. I’d recommend this to every single person who falls in the venn diagram overlap of loving TTRPGs and being 2SLGBTQIA+ (or allied).
Profile Image for Jerry Summers.
831 reviews3 followers
March 29, 2024
The lines of real life are blurred in this high school romance between a city girl and town boy that find support in RPG. How we change behaviors starts by speaking out and up to hierarchy.
Profile Image for Lydia.
715 reviews
April 14, 2024
Queer, nerdy, YA romance - this was so sweet!
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