Have a New Teenager by Friday: From Mouthy and Moody to Respectful and Responsible in 5 Days

by Kevin Leman

Parents may survive the terrible twos and the first years of school all right, but the teenage years bring entirely new and alien creatures. So, parents have a either send that teenager to boarding school and visit him when he reaches normalcy again (in about ten years) or choose to experience the best, most fun years of life--together! The secret is in how the parental cards are played.

With his signature wit and commonsense psychology, internationally recognized family expert and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman helps parents

communicate with the "whatever" generation
establish healthy boundaries and workable guidelines
gain respect--even admiration--from their teenager
turn selfish behavior around
navigate the critical years with confidence
pack their teenager's bags with what they need for life now and in the future
become the major difference maker in their teenager's life

Teenagers can successfully face the many temptations of adolescence and grow up to be great adults. And parents, Dr. Leman says, are the ones who can make all the difference, because they count far more in their teenager's life than they'll ever know . . . even if their teenager won't admit it (at least until she's in college and wants to know how to do the laundry).

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Christian, Relationships, Christian Living

320 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2011

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter

Reviews

[JoNel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was OK. I disagree with the author's stereotypical gender roles. I also didn't care for the old "girls must protect boys from their raging hormones" schtick. I'm tired of men blaming men's bad behavior on women. In all other areas the author advocates for holding the teenager accountable for his/her actions. Why not here?

[Tina Klinesmith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not entirely sure why I bought this book because, hey, my kids are perfect. RIGHT! I love my children and they are “good kids” but I would never, ever call them “perfect.” With three kids from 12-16, it’s never quiet and we have plenty of teen angst to go around. In fact, the only reason I picked up this book and bumped it to the top of my “To-Read” list was due to issues I couldn’t stand any longer with my 13 yr old son.

The promise of taking a moody, mouthy, disrespectful boy to a winning charmer in only 5 days seemed too good to be true. Dr. Leman is making a pretty hefty promise there. Don’t worry, he does clarify within the pages that it might take a bit longer than 5 days for some. In his usual, common sense, no-wasted-words chatter, writing style, he lays out a plan of action for parents to take in 5 days to earning your child’s (TEEN’S) cooperation. I wasn’t nearly as optimistic.
I was actually able to read the first half of the book over a 2 hr span. Dr. Leman did a great job splitting the book between the directional action steps for parents (the first half of the book) and specific, reader topics (the second half.) After reading the first section (the instructions for the first 5 days), I was jolted by seeing many of the things I was doing wrong with my teens. I could definitely see myself in one of the parenting styles and my husband in another. The next morning, I immediately took action. AND IT WORKED! A fluke, maybe, but more was to come.

I was able to read the second half of the book very quickly and went through all of the topics, even those that may not be of concern right now. Dr. Leman gives advice that may fly in the face of what we have been taught in society to do. For example, the morning ritual of getting kids off to school on time is always a challenge. They draw out what should take 20 minutes into a 2 hr long battle. According to Dr. Leman, we should let them be late and call the school to let them know there is no good reason and to discipline my child as they see fit. As he says, “let the chips fall where they may.” I know that they school would be calling me, pressuring me to make sure my child is on time, yet doing so would fly in the face of teaching my child to be responsible for themselves. Dr. Leman also instructs that you should not push your child to do homework (it’s their grades after all), hold a child back if they are unmotivated to do well in school (giving them a do-over) and to not set curfew times (because you shouldn’t have to at that point). All of these involve a lot of trust and respect between parent and teen; however, by following the instructions in the first half of the book, you will find this relinquishment of control easier and more productive to everyone.

It’s been about 5 days (almost) since I read it and put it into action and I must say, I’ve been very pleasantly surprised. I don’t nag or yell at the kids (which saves my sanity) and they are shaping up as well. I even had a very nice (read: calm and rational) discussion with my daughter about some very sensitive topics that would usually have us yelling at each other. Neither of us felt attacked and for the first time in a very long time, she opened up to me and gave me a precious glimpse of what she is dealing with daily. That alone was worth the price of the book.

I HIGHLY recommend this book to parents, especially those with kids just entering the teen years. It will definitely benefit parents of older teens as well (since it talks A LOT about taking car keys, driving as a privilege, etc) but it will prepare parents of younger teens (and teens to be) so they don’t hit some of the more severe trials. But be warned, you won’t always like what Dr. Leman has to say. There are quite a few times I was slapped in the face with my own poor parenting skills and how that has translated to the problems with me teens. But, because I am willing to change myself first, I am seeing my teens meet me halfway (whether they realize it or not).

[Lisa Harvey · Rating 2 out of 5]

To borrow a phrase from across the pond: what a load of bullocks. Dr. Leman’s insistence on promoting traditional gender roles read like something out of the 30s for me. Gals, those tank tops are going to get you into trouble! Also, it’s interesting how some transgressions are a big deal in Leman’s view, and others aren’t. Fine. But good luck finding a pattern. Messy room, junk food, and interrupting mom on the phone? Big deal. Messy hair and missing school? No big deal. The author writes as though there’s some secret code to parenting that we, mere mortals, have yet to figure out. My favorite line, though, was in the author’s instruction on how to deal with your son watching porn. You are to begin by saying, “I am glad to see you’re interested in the other sex.” There are no gay teens in Leman’s world. Only heterosexual boys being taunted by the bare shoulders of heterosexual girls.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am not really a fan of Kevin Leman. He is cocky and proud.
I liked some of his ideas.
It was good food for thought...but I hate the "tone" of his writing.

[Roy · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful book! Very insightful! I was surprised by some of the negative reviews here on Goodreads, so let me try to answer a few of those. Does it give some old fashioned ideas about gender roles? I don't think so. By my understanding, the traditional role was for the parent of the gender of the child to give the talk, but the author suggests that the parent of the opposite gender gives that talk. He does suggest telling girls to dress modestly because boys tend to think immorally then, but he also suggests that the girls also do not think of themselves as highly as they should when dressing immodestly.

Does it suggest giving the silent treatment when the child acts up? I wouldn't call it that. The author is more suggesting to give everyone time to be able to calm down so that all can communicate intelligently with each other. Talking in the heat of the moment really doesn't help, especially with teenagers.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the advice in this book was very good. I appreciated the christian perspective. However, it felt dated (there was a reference to the, "warmth of Bill Cosby" which...no.) The advice on what your kids should say to people who offer them drugs is pointless and unworkable.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. So practical that I put it to use on the first day and one week later I can honestly say the principles work and my home and life are much more peaceful and balanced!

[Stephanie Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, I must disclose I was a recipient of this book via Giveaways! Thank you very much, it couldn't have come at a better time!
Yes, I am one of those parents who woke up one day and didn't recognize the 15 year old, seldom-speaking, cave-dwelling, food-inhaling giant who replaced the adorable child who used to hang on my every word. At this point, our conversations (what few we do have) are not productive, nor enjoyable. Requests to do chores are met with arguments; actually, requests to do anything usually turn into a high-stress negotiation process with lots of frustration (me) and door-slamming (him).
I was eager to see what Dr. Leman had to say about this situation. I've talked to friends, who usually sympathize and prescribe boarding-school. I've read articles on the web about how to talk to your teenager, understand your teenager, like your teenager, etc., but nothing has hit the spot.
The book is divided into days of the week and also gives a section entitled: "Ask Dr. Leman", where he address 75 topics that he has been asked about the most. Each day of the week gives you a focus point to think about and work on. A good deal of examples and descriptions are given for each of the days, so you have a real understanding of what he is suggesting. For example, Monday focuses on beginning with the end in mind (what do you want your child to be like) and working on becoming a better parent, or, (to put it a different way), the kind of parent your child needs. Let's face it, we can always do better.
Even though each chapter is divided by days, I'm assuming you don't really have to take it literally. It took me some time to think about what Dr. Leman had written, digest it, work on it, and then practice it with my son.
Although I have read the entire book, I haven't yet practiced all of it with my son. I will say that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have helped me put things into perspective. I have read other reviews where people say that the advice is "common sense". Well, it may be, but there are times that I know I am so busy and overwhelmed that I forget "common sense" when dealing with my son. This book was a great reminder of those things we should be doing, but don't always remember to do. In addition, Dr. Leman did give me some things to consider that I don't think I have put much thought into. For example, maybe my son isn't doing much talking because he's worried I'll criticize him. Never thought of it that way-am I too critical? I just thought he was being moody, rebellious, depressed, angry, 15, etc. Maybe he isn't being unsocial when he comes home from school and goes straight to his room, maybe that's his de-stressing time. Some good things to consider.
The 75 topics at the end of the book are arranged in A to Z order and cover acne to withdrawing. I found the advice practical and positive, which is something I enjoyed about this book throughout; how positive Dr. Leman is that we will succeed with our children. That being said, I think the book is best suited for parents who have teens who are being "teens" (you know what I mean). I don't think the book is suited for parents who have a child with a serious behavioral or psychological disorder; that requires professional help.

[Vivi Vieira · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really, really, really liked this book. I think this was the first book I read on the subject of psychology, but from the beginning it was a good read. The humor that Dr. Kevin Leman has, made a subject that (for me particularly) was boring, very enjoyable and fun to read.

This book is about parents changing the "bad ways" of their teenagers from Monday to Friday. He doesn't impose anything on you, he gives parents the freedom to not agree with what he says and to act in the way that feels right to them. He just tells you a good way for you to educate your teenager without him and the parents fighting and drifting further apart. He gives some tips (which at first may seem a little strange and nonsensical) but then the parents see that it works. The coolest thing is that people send him messages saying that they did what he said and that it really worked, and the doctor makes a point of putting these stories in his book. He also gives examples from his life (when he was a teenager) and examples of him with his 5 children, which certainly gave him a lot of experience in how to raise responsible teenagers who love their parents and live in love with their families.

*Have a New Teenager by Friday: From Mouthy and Moody to Respectful and Responsible in 5 Days* is a book that I think every parent should read in order to have good teenagers.

[Ashley G. · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is awful. Underneath all the sexist tones and the seeming understanding that children as young as three years old are some bits of advice that could be helpful. However, there are plenty of books with the same advice delivered without the contempt of permissive parents, and children trying to navigate the world at age three. In these books, you don't have to dig through sexism, narcissism, and several other isms to get to the good advice. Conscious Parenting, The Whole Brain Child, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen.
As a parent I am not in crisis mode. I do not need to doll out tough love, and maybe if I had a child who was in danger of failing out of high school or fighting addiction I might be interested in the severe ill conceived notions of this book, like threatening that you are going to send your child to the local orphanage if they 'sass' you, this book is filled with advice that many studies have proven isn't helpful. Skip it.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

A more appropriate title for this book would be Parenting for Dummies. I think it would be helpful for people who are completely clueless. It's mostly all common sense. Apparently, if you have problems with your kid it all boils down to being your fault for being too authoritarian or too permissive.

The solution is to stop being that and just tell your kid you're disappointed in them when they screw up. Or better yet, remember and keep all of their transgressions top of mind so that when they ask you for stuff you can say no, even though they'll remember the said transgression completely differently than you do and the consequence won't make sense to them. if you can even remember it yourself.

I'm pretty sure four of his five children were girls and they were all easy kids. It's not all bad advice, I just didn't find it helpful for my situation. I did like the way it was organized, at least. It needs to be updated for a post-Covid world.

[Cindy Rollins · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is NOT the kind of book I normally would read. I found it while browsing my library's audio selections on my phone. I would not even have taken a second look but I happened to be having a problem with one of my children and decided to put the book on my listen list.

Turns out I found the book helpful. Have I mentioned my amazing abilities in enabling? This book helped me visualize ways of being courageous in my relationships.

Of course, I did not like everything and found some of it as trite as I expected to find it with such a title. It was especially annoying to hear about how perfect the author's family was. But in spite of those annoyances I found the book quite helpful. I am even passing it along to my husband to read.

[Delia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is mainly for parents who have worked, or are willing to work, on their relationship with their kids. It has everything to do with how easy your children can talk to you and how easy you are willing to listen.

I don't read over promising titled books, but having read the boring titled, yet awesome, The Birth Order Book, I decided to give it a try.

Loved it!

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed Kevin Leman’s “Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours” and since I have my first teenager in the house, I thought it was time to read this one.

This book has the same style as “Making Children Mind ...” with Dr. Leman’s no nonsense, tough love style of parenting advice. I think some of his principles are tough but in the mindset of “have a new teenager by Friday”, it will get the job done! However, I’m not sure if I could do some of the things he suggests. BUT - I do agree with 90% of his advice. The thing I like about Dr. Leman is that in some points he even says that it is okay not to agree with him and to just cross off what we do not like. Don’t misunderstand, Dr. Leman does not adhere to strict military leadership nor does he convey a pushover type of leadership but a more of a mutual respect and talking through issues and problems with real life consequences.

So, what do I love about the book? Dr. Leman really helps us to understand how to train our teenagers for the real world. He explains when to diffuse the situation with humor, when to save our breath, and when not to give in. Dr. Leman is a proponent of natural consequences - which I agree with 100% and I love how he gets concrete examples of how to apply this! See important points (and quotes) noted below to see why I loved this book.

Some important points I wanted to note:
-Don’t take things personally.
-Stay calm.
-Listen, but don’t fight your teenagers battles.
-Offer helpful suggestions only when asked.
-Don’t tell yourself teenager what to do.
-If you treat kids the way you expect them to behave, a miracle occurs. They really try to live up to that!
-Always have a healthy sense of humor - and use it often to diffuse a situation.
-The point of being a parent is not to control your children; rather, it’s to encourage and partner with them. Respect is a two way street.
-Self control is a great attribute. For your kids to get it, you must have it.
-The best way to teach self control is by staying in control yourself and revealing the consequences of being out of control.
-Kids who feel strongly about their home turf-who feel respected and listened to there - are less likely to look for acceptance in their peer group.
-Run a home, not a hotel.





As far as the structure of this book, half of the book is written with the days of the week format. Each day has basic principles to use to help train and change the attitude of your teenager. Also included in this section are readers/listeners from his radio program who took that advice and are giving testimonies of how it worked. I found that to be helpful - it added to the examples that he used. At the end of the chapter he has “The Winning Play” quotes to summarize the most important principle of the chapter.

*Time flies. Don’t waste these moments.
*Let reality do the work so you don’t have to.
*It’s all about the relationship.
*Capture your teenagers heart.

The second half of this book is an “Ask Dr. Leman” section full of topics including acne, bulimia and all kinds of issues that teenagers face. He also includes real life examples of parents who took his advice on each topic that he calls, “It worked for me”.

[Maryann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good ideas, and I liked the explanations/examples of authoritarian vs permissive vs authoritative parenting. It helped me understand why my kids’ dad behaves the way he does. I did NOT like the outdated gender stereotypes. Especially now, when the vast majority of families can’t survive, let alone thrive on one income. Women work, and saying the mom is the “main point person” in the family just adds to our emotional labor burden.

Your teenaged daughter does NOT need to change the way she dresses because of the way men think. That’s not her burden. Men should be taught that women are not objects and be given responsibility for controlling their own thoughts and actions.

You should NOT tell your kids that you’re “helping mom” by doing the dishes. You’re being a contributing member of the family by doing the dishes.

Two other opinions I took issue with - not all moms are pushovers, and not all of us are drawn to “manly” men who have toxic masculinity. I would recommend that the author consult a female when writing about co-parenting and marriage and try to avoid these unhelpful generalizations and stereotypes.

[Allegra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'll start with the negatives:
1. Some of this advice felt a bit like the parent was asking a lot of teachers, police, bosses, etc to do the parenting rather than themselves.
2. A little Bible heavy for this agnostic (but not TOO bad)
3. A little gender stereotyped and conservative

The positives:
1. The advice, in general, seems sound. I started taking the advice immediately and my daughter and I already have a more respectful relationship, so I have to say some of this really works.
2. The advice is repeated several times so you can apply it to different contexts. The philosophy is simple, but sometimes it's hard to picture how it can be applied until that situation is addressed. So I appreciated that.

Overall, it was ok. This is not my favorite kind of book, but I suppose the advice was needed in my situation.

[Sarah Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The point of being a parent is not to control your children; rather, it’s to encourage and partner with them, seeing the long view and the big picture.”

Are you a parent having difficulties with a preteen or teenager? If so, you’ll find some great tips to help you in Have a New Teenager by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. The book starts with an overview of the goals parents should have in raising their children. He reviews the three types of parents: permissive, authoritative and authoritarian. Permissive parents allow their children to be in charge or they tend to give in a lot. Authoritarian parents are always telling their children what to do with little regard for what they children want or feel. Authoritative parents are the ones who stay in charge, but let their children’s be participants so the children feel heard and loved (which doesn’t always mean happy.)

I listened to a podcast with Dr. Leman as a guest about birth order and it mentioned he had written other books. When I went to check out what he had written, I saw Have a New Teenager by Friday. While I’m not having a lot of trouble with our older children, I’m always looking for good parenting books to put more tools in my parenting toolbox. It was available to checkout as an ebook through Libby right away.

The rest of Have a New Teenager by Friday goes over specific topics broken down as a Monday-Friday list. Monday covers changes teenagers face and how to cope with them. Tuesday deals with how to open up conversations with teenagers. Wednesday covers how teens want to feel like they belong. Thursday is about creating consequences that help teens. Friday is all about the good parts of teens. The book also includes a topic list of problems parents can encounter.

I found the book very helpful by offering very concrete steps and tips to help parents of teens. By focusing on raising them to be adults and finding natural consequences to actions, teens will step up and be responsible for their own lives in the areas that are appropriate. I would encourage parents of any teen, preteen or tween to read Have a New Teenager by Friday.

Read more here: https://sarahannecarter.com/have-a-ne...

[Rebeccanew · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I purchased it when I noticed an increase in sneaky behavior from my 13-year-old son and wanted to get a handle on things. I like how Mr. Leman writes his book from a Christian perspective, but it is not "in your face" about Christianity if you are not a Christian. I also like that a great deal of this book is an alphabetical listing of topics to read as they arise -- everything from eye-rolling to drugs. This book is appropriate for people with teens who have small problems all the way up to the major ones.

I did not give this book five stars, because I felt like the actual chapters were too short and did not go into as much detail as I expected. Still, a good read for an involved parent!

[Sandy Schleich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good

I mostly reed this book because the title sounded interesting. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it or even get anything useful from it. Well, it turned out to be a good book. There were some things in this book that I didn’t agree with, some things I didn’t even think of, and a lot of things I did agree with. I liked that there were good examples of how the things the author talked about. I liked that the author explained that if you want to change your teens behavior the parent also needs to change themselves. Some of the things that were talked about I skipped over because they did not apply, but I read the whole book. I wish I had read this book before my oldest was a teen. This book had some religious undertones but that did not change how I thought about this book. I would definitely recommend this book to parents.

[Vicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was great. Dr. Leman is a psychologist who also had 5 children of his own. He covers topics from hormones, to dating, to sassy teens, to trust, and how to work with your teen to be his parent and trusted partner in navigating the teenage years. I wish I had read it before I even had children. Great advice. I would have been a better parent for sure if I had this information. Dr. Leman talks about strengthening parent/teen relationships and navigating through the hormonal teen years. I learned a lot. I will use his advice as I work with my teenaged grandchildren. I recommend this book to any parent.

[Casey · Rating 2 out of 5]

He makes lots of good points. There are good reminders. A basic overview of parenting with love and respect. He is more conservative. Definitely sees relationships in the Christian religious perspective. When he speaks of faith, he means if you are Christian or not. Does not acknowledge any faith of any other religion. He is sexist at times. Uses old-fashioned gender roles examples. Again, basic parenting points are made and can be appreciated, but someone with a different worldview than a heterosexual Christian may look to another book.

[Dana · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my favorite parenting book. Granted, A lot of the situations in the book didn’t really apply to me so I skipped those sections. There are some good common-sense ideas in this book, but I didn’t agree with his recommendation of giving your child the silent treatment. I feel that’s not a healthy way to handle issues and rather immature. I’d rather model healthy dialogue. Overall 2.5 stars. Take the good and apply it and leave the rest. I much preferred his book “Have a new kid by Friday” to this one.

[Marisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author brings up some good points that made me reevaluate how I deal with my family. I had some difficulty with his definition of old school gender roles and not embracing different family structures (like single families, grandparents raising grandchildren or same sex marriages). I had to skip portions of his podium standing small minded notions. Overall I got some new techniques and ideas, but some of his narrow religious zeal was abrasive.

[Michal Crum · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this book to get my head in the game for the teen years. It was really level advice, mostly common sense stuff... but as he says, parents lack common sense these days. It was helpful to me to remember what is going on internally during these years, with all the raging hormones, and to be steady when I feel like reacting to every little thing with irritation or disappointment. Steady on, Michal. Steady on.

[Shawn Persinger · Rating 2 out of 5]

While there is plenty of good advice in this book, I couldn't figure out why it rubbed me the wrong way. Then it hit me: The writing is subtly smug. As if the all the advice was a failsafe. As if to say, "All teenagers are the same, so follow these quick fixes [and far too may are just that] and you'll do great." It's pretentious. A little more modesty would go a long way in a book like this.

This book also tries to solve every issue possible in 1000 words or less. Life is not this easy.

[Alene · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some practical advice which are useful. I've tried a few, and they do work. However, on the flip side, not all the advice is applicable to every parent/situation. So, readers should take the gems that shine best for them. Half of the book is dedicated to scenarios and testimonials, which are helpful, too.

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous! The advice is applicable, fair, and he GETS the almost-teenager living in our home. Now, I just have to own my part of this
parenting challenge. Easier said than done. The topics are relevant. The ideas are doable. The limitations are fair. I’m going to check out his other books. This book is a game changer.

[Angela Victorio · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too simple. The introduction made me having a high expectation but then got disappointed. Didn’t find anything new. I just finished reading Positive Discipline for teens. Many of the concepts have been explained very well in that book. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t find much interesting things with this book. The introduction part was good though and the author is humorous.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous. Respect for parents and teens through simple communication, consequences, respect, and responsibility. Straightforward with the author's acknowledgement that you don't have to use everything he shares, just what works for you and your family.

I still have much to learn as a parent so this was super helpful.

[Eren Granger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't have kids but I am a teenager so I decided to read this to see how I could improve my life and maybe relate more with my parents idk see more of their perspective and according to this book we are doing pretty darn good. We could probably implement a few more family activities but otherwise my family is on the right track 👍