Tiger Babies Strike Back: How I Was Raised by a Tiger Mom but Could Not Be Turned to the Dark Side – A Forthright Autobiographical Response on Race and Modern Womanhood.

by Kim Wong Keltner

An answer to Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother , author Kim Wong Keltner’s Tiger Babies Strike Back takes the control-freak beast by the tail with a humorous and honest look at the issues facing women today—Chinese-American and otherwise. Keltner, the author of the novels Buddha Baby and I Want Candy , mines her own past in an attempt to dispel the myth that all Chinese women are Tiger Mothers. Keltner strikes back at Chua’s argument through topics, including “East Meets West in the Board Room and the Bedroom,” and “I Was Raised by a Tiger Mom and All I Got Was this Lousy A Rebuttal to Chua.” Through personal anecdotes and tough-love advice, Keltner’s witty and forthright opinions evoke an Asian-American Sex and the City, while showing how our families shape our personal worlds.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Memoir, China, Humor, Biography, American

272 pages, Paperback

First published April 30, 2013

Reviews

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, I was so eager to get this book! Mommy wars fascinate me, and the Tiger Mother controversy was a particularly fierce-fought battle. Kim Wong Keltner has A LOT to say about the whole thing, and her perspective (raised by a Tiger Mother, raising her own small daughter very differently) was bound to be intriguing.

And it is. But I think I would have been more interested if she had figured out where she wanted to go with this book before publishing it. The short chapters often seem written by different Kims: little Kim wondering why her mother cannot give her some crumbs of tenderness; older, wiser Kim recognizing the painful pressures her own mother was trying to cope with; mother Kim, trying to heal her own heart by cherishing her little daughter's spirit. Reading Kim's messy memoir, I found myself visualizing a faceless Chinese-American woman trying to stretch her own body and spirit across an un-spannable distance between generations, trying to make peace between polar opposites. Which maybe is the point? (Can't be done, Kim! Make your own peace where you can, and stop reaching for the unattainable.)

(I liked Kim. I like her voice, and actually really sympathize with her project. It is heartfelt and often genuinely touching, but overall the book often feels disorganized - jumping from one Kim to the other and back again too quickly for the reader to figure out if there is an overarching message.)

Also, I am intrigued by the author's apparent belief that so many of the family problems she was wrestling with were somehow uniquely Asian-American: the tension between high achievement and a rich emotional life, the sense of possibilities being lost - perhaps forever - because parents have interpreted the child's self for him/her in limiting ways. Because I am pretty sure that those things are actually pretty universal, if perhaps somewhat more pervasive in Asian-American households.

Thanks to the LibraryThing Early Reviewer Program for my copy of this book!

[Emily Markulis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure why this book is rated so low. I personally loved it. Skimming the reviews, I actually disagree that it was overly angry and vindictive - and that's a reason I liked it so much. I was pleasantly surprised that, while she describes what she feels was harmful about her "tiger parent" upbringing, she humanizes rather than demonizes her mother herself. I found the insights to be fascinating as a Caucasian-America. While I cannot relate to her Chinese culture specifically, there are certain things about her upbringing and personality that I DID relate to...the perfectionism, focus on achievement to the determent of personal relationships. And I like that (to me) she acknowledged her mother's well-meaningness while simultaneously explaining why she herself would not be a tiger mom.

I also loved her humor and down-to-earth quality, and the compassion that rang through in her description of relatives like her great-uncle (I think it was, I read it a little while ago). The only thing that was a SLIGHT disappointment is that the book does not focus on mothering specifically but delves into culture, the author's thoughts about various things from her marriage to moving from San Francisco. It seemed a bit disjointed, with chapters not really tied together well. But I loved her writing style, her sentiments, and ultimately, the universality of some of her experiences, as well as the insights about Chinese-American culture specifically.

[Penny Luo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Based on the title, I thought this book was a response to Amy Chua's "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom" but it was more so a memoir that the author talks about her struggles and reflections on her experience with her family growing up as a Chinese-American. Yes, the organization of the book might be a little messy but I thought the overall message she wants to bring to her readers in parenting was clear. Parenting with affectionate love and care over the stereotypical "tiger mom" way provides better tools for children to grow with confidence and yield better familial relationships.

Personally I thought the author's voice was spunky and genuine. I thought it was very relatable and I found most of her thoughts about the hurt her family caused her, a mirror reflection of the emotional trauma I've experienced growing up.

I can see this being a controversial book given how readers might already have a biased preconception of what good parenting is depending on their childhood experience or their cultural background. But I think it's hard to deny the fact that all children should feel loved by their parents no matter where they're from - Asian or not. And I think the author hear successfully convey that message in her book.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

loved this book. It did drag a little bit here and there, but the message was very clear to me. My husband is Chinese and the conflict between Tiger parenting and Western parenting is something we deal with a lot.

Keltner's writing style may not appeal to everyone. It is folksy, almost conversational at times. But what she write about Chinese parenting is spot on. I laughed when she talked about how strung out she feels after visiting her family (this is my husband to a t) and how Chinese families deal with saving face within the Chinese community is very accurate and something my husband despises.

I don't think she is intentionally bashing the author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom (or whatever the exact title is.) She is just showing how many Chinese face a struggle to overcome their parent's tiger parenting techniques. I know a lot of Chinese families and I see the younger generations trying to break free, yet feeling the pull back to the parenting that was imposed upon them. She manages to do this in a thoughtful, positive manner. Yes, she is negative toward her mom, yet as she grows as a mother, she comes to understand why her mother was the way she was.

Great book overall.

[Ngan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kim Wong Keltner disjointedly and often humorously describes what it was/is like for her to be a "Tiger Baby," a second generation Chinese-American raised by an overwhelming, practical, and emotionless "Tiger Mom." The author is blatantly honest and self-deprecating at times and filled her book with anecdotes that confirms the harsh stereotypes of a Tiger Mom while also making light of the subject.

However, there is no "striking back." If you think this book is a direct challenge to Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, it's not. This book is a memoir that meanders between personal and actual history, and individual and cultural observances. What I understood from reading this book was that the author is and wants to be a loving mother because her own mother was not so loving towards her. Because the author is Chinese-American, the issue was framed within that cultural context, but I feel like this message (love your babies, don't suffocate them with your pressures to be better) really resides in all cultures.

Overall, this book was ok. I got a few good laughs while reading in a few short hours.

[Harvee Lau · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read and understood everything! A strict culture filters down inexorably though it may dissipate somewhat on the way down. I am anxious to see what others think about Kim's memoir, those who weren't raised within such a strict culture. There is a lot in the book for general readers, to understand the interior of a traditional though what could seem a somewhat stereotypical Chinese family.

[Betsy Hover · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was delighted to receive this book from Goodreads Giveaways!

This author Kim Wong Keltner, exposes the underbelly of Tiger-Parenting, the high expectation put on Chinese-American children to excel and to be overachievers due to the demands of their parents.
Children are a reflection of their parents and this takes on a whole new meaning for Tiger Parents.

I would highly recommend this book for anyone that is interested in learning and reading about other cultures.

[Michelle J · Rating 4 out of 5]

Had me laughing and held my absolute full attention the whole time. Great rebuttal to Amy Chau's book on being a Tiger Mother. I could so relate to the author Kim Wong Keltner. I have a new term that I have come up for Mexican American mothers out there that are conflicted with being in two worlds (the old and new) and trying to come to terms with merging the two together cohesively without conflict or misunderstandings and I will personally coin it, "Latina Paradox Mother".

[Tori · Rating 1 out of 5]

The epilogue is sufficient for knowing the author's views on being raised by a Tiger Mom. Stop competing. Who are you trying to impress? No one is keeping score except your kid. The rest is a self-indulgent autobiography that reads like a diary. Feelings. 'I' statements. Contradictions. A history of Chinese people in America. Travel guide to San Francisco. Motherhood in today's culture. I don't recommend this one.

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book started very strong. The author's discussion of a distant family member who had been pushed to the side and ignored his whole life for being unexceptional was very poignant, and successfully highlighted a sad consequence of seeking 'perfection' at any cost. However, near the end of the book it felt like there was some loss of focus.

[saudarilee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mad love.

If you've read Amy Chua's, you've got to read this.

Resonates with what i've been debating within me. The IG post i saw the other day, the talk i had with a friend today and ending it with this book, it's like He has handed me keys to the many locks that i have.

[kristy · Rating 2 out of 5]

i liked hearing her perspective and am glad she is providing a public counter to amy chua. but the connections to chinese history in america felt forced and awkward, and i just don't love her style.

[Isaiah · Rating 2 out of 5]

To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.

I was really interested in this book because I had read Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother and LOVED IT. I though this would be the side of the story from a child that was raised by a tiger mom. Instead I got random, uninteresting stories from a woman who had an emotionally distant mother who thought she had a great deal of literary strength to pull off her great many wander metaphors and descriptions. The book read like a petulant child trying to get people to look at her by being smart.

I asked myself every dozen pages or so why I was still reading the book. The answer was always “she may actually talk about what her mother was like and how that has directly shaped her mothering”. That concept alone kept me reading. I love watching how interactions as a child can drastically change have an impact on someone. There was little that was about parenting either from the author’s mother or the author to her daughter. The few stories of the author being a mother were interesting and I enjoyed them, but they were few and far between.

This book is not what it advertises. It instead is a much broader look at tiger moms through family history (though a very patchy history that the author admits she knows little to nothing about). If I was interested in generalizations then this book would have been great. Instead the book advertised as a case study which is much more fascinating to me.

The book is not one that is badly written, but there is little to no plot. Many memoirs rely on telling shorter stories to show a point, but the author was unable to handle that format so the point of the memoir did not go through well at all. She writes with a great number of unneeded details that are very pretty, but that wasn’t what I was looking for and is not what I enjoy. So while the author has the skill to pull off pretty, she does not have the skill to pull off the memoir style she attempted. I may still give her other books a try, because my issues with her writing are not issues with fiction novels.

[Gold Dust · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, well written. Kind of boring at the end. Despite the title which implies multiple Asian children speaking out against their parents, it’s really only one Chinese woman who is speaking out against her mother. There’s not much of anything said about her father’s role in her upbringing.

I like how that even though the author had plenty of negative things to say about her mother, she still tried to be objective and admitted that her mom’s life was hard, and maybe there was a good reason behind the things she did and how she got to be the way she was (32, 35) and that there were some benefits to being a tiger mom (248).

“The idea is to trick evil spirits into thinking that the precious baby is actually just a common piglet or other such lowly creature, hardly worth stealing away. It makes me wonder if Chinese parents’ constant putting down of their children is related to this custom. Thus, no matter how good-looking or smart your children are, it’s always best not to call attention to them. Maybe that’s why, even if you are highly accomplished, your parent will always treat you like a humble worm” (202-203). This theory is also backed up in “The Good Earth,” a movie about a Chinese family.

The author also talks about how grandmothers treat their grandkids better than their kids, and she wonders why (204). I think this explains it best: “A grandmother feels like she has to vie for the attention of the grandchild” (208). The grandmother wants the kid to like her—to like her better than her mother and to like her better than her other grandmother. The grandmother doesn’t have to put up with the kid 24/7 like the mother does, and she doesn’t have to discipline either. So the grandmother can be a source of 100% fun and treats.

The author hated how loveless her relationship with her mother was, so she tries to make up for it by showering her daughter in love and patience and devoting all her time and energy to her. I don’t agree with the author’s permissive parenting. The extreme of anything isn’t good. Moderation is the best.

[Danielle T · Rating 5 out of 5]

Warning, this review turned into a personal essay, whoops.

Loved it, but the (main) title is incredibly misleading in my opinion- from the bits and pieces I heard on the web, I thought perhaps this was a rebuttal to the 'Tiger parenting' meme floating around. Instead, Keltner gives us essays that collectively make up a memoir, a collage between parts of her childhood and raising her own daughter, and Chinese American identity. I think some of the other reviewers were expecting the former and were therefore disappointed, but to me it was like listening to the older sister I never had, who's been through similar head space. The subtitle's a better guide for what the book actually is.

Disclaimer in case family finds it (because they check on my web presence periodically): I know, Mom isn't a 'Tiger mother'. She's of Keltner's generation, kind of (when I say that, I mean first gen born on American soil, though Mom is definitely a Baby Boomer while I think Keltner falls into the early part of X)... but as far as I know never bickered with her own mom or anything. I don't know. It's largely a black box to me because Pau-Pau and Gong Gong passed away before I was born, and what I do know is that mom followed the quintessential Chinese path of looking after your parents, never leaving home because the other siblings got married. Many times there's things I wonder and want to ask (and maybe will eventually), but likely will miss some answers because they're of a sensitive nature and unlike Keltner's mom, mine expresses feelings instead of indifference and I'd feel super guilty about digging up potential old wounds. (If you do get around to reading this, I love you, Mom, even if we butt heads on a lot of things. I was going to write something more pithy and accurate in this parenthetical, but it'd probably be more exposed than I want to be in a Google cache [ask alex to explain that])

I wrote a paragraph and deleted it because I'm still trying to put my finger on what makes this different from the other books, both fictional and non, about the Chinese American experience. It has what I think we can consider tropes by now found in the genre- San Francisco, Catholic schooling, having Chinese school on weekends instead of girl scouts, music lessons and comparisons to everyone else's child, etc. I can relate to nearly none of these things because I'm a 4th gen who grew up in a predominantly white town where the other Asian people were a) immigrants via the nearby National Lab or service industry, b) adopted by white families, or c) Japanese Americans who I'm going to assume might be a holdover from the internment period but I could be entirely wrong on that because there really weren't too terribly many Asians around when I grew up (though there's enough for a JACL in town). My parents encouraged my brother and I to excel, but they weren't the insane High Expectations Parent that lives on in image macros and memes. Because there aren't many other Chinese American families there, I haven't been pushed at all to date so-and-so's son or nephew or whomever, and likewise there's no push for grandkids (quite the opposite but that's a story for another time).

It wasn't the parenting bits that resonated with me, no. But relevant parts of being a Chinese American (yes, I know there's some who live in this post racial society who wonder at my adjective, but c'mon. It would be disingenuous to assume being American instantly sheds cultural baggage. It's probably the most American thing, actually, cultural baggage*) do. In one essay, Keltner reflects on Iris Chang's suicide because there were so many similarities in their lives (female Chinese American writers about the same age with a young child), writing

I'm not sure how to feel about Iris Chang, her accomplishments, and her death. There's the sickness I feel over her tragic end, and then there are the details we had in common that add a macabre quality. Mostly, though, what pained me and troubles me still about her death is that she was someone I looked up to, who gave me hope and a little bit more courage. I had considered her a better, more respectable version of myself. When someone whom you've admired can't stand the heat in the kitchen and decides to off herself, what are you supposed to do?
[...]
Sometimes when I want to give up everything and not get out of bed, I think of Iris. Not because she would've definitely gotten out of bed, but because I can. I have the chance to write about all these things that happen to me, and somewhere there's someone whom I may never meet and she is reading my books. Maybe my words can make her feel better, or inspire her to be the next writer who makes a difference. We all keep passing the baton to the next person who can tell the truth, and that humble continuity is what we'll need to break apart the abstract wall of Chinese silence that keeps us separate, each alone within ourselves.

Or in another essay towards the end of the book (that spawned my thoughts re: family mentioned in the disclaimer above), visiting relatives in the house her father grew up in, thinking about how pursuing the life she wants is a privilege, built on the backs of family experience. "We Chinese Americans are walking around in our modern lives, but who and what are we carrying around, invisibly, inside us?" I also want to quote the last page but I'd rather encourage people (especially other CAs) to read it for themselves. I also want to write more words on why I thought this was so great, but I realize at this point of the week I'm running on low sleep and have gotten a bit rambly and less articulate, so apologies.

*I realized towards the end of writing this that I'm kind of hypocritical here- gotten peeved at people calling me "Chinese" before insisting that I'm pretty much straight up just American instead of defining me by my race. Then again, Chinese American here is more of a cultural distinction rather than a (false) nationality assumption, so idk.

[Deanna Dickerson · Rating 2 out of 5]

After reading Battle hymn of the Tiger Mother, I was intrigued by this title, which was definitely a response to the former book. But Keltner just didn't have the writing skills to pull it off the way Chua did. She didn't have an overarching theme, it was just kinda all over the place with her narrative. Honestly I think Keltner just saw an opportunity to make money by using Chua's book as a springboard. Good for her. But it just wasn't worth reading, imo.

Keltner was raised by a Tiger mom and refuses to raise her daughter in the same way. But by the end of the book she can acknowledge that being a mom in general is not as easy as it seems and maybe her mom didn't do such a bad job after all.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved a fiction book by the same author. It was nice to see the same finesse applied to these words as she told her story of family and of herself... The thing I like about books like these are that they are often so very true, so intimate to the knowledge of the person you're reading about, and it's like peering into a window of who they are. We were friends until the end of the book and having read it, I felt its loss like a friend that moved away-- without her words present with me.

[Miranda Patel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not care for this at all. The premise was promising, and perhaps I just expected too much of a rebuttal to to Chua's 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother'. It felt more like a public airing of grievances, a letter to the author's mother for (by her own complaint) the author not receiving enough hugs or sparkly words as a child.

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

The writing was not my style, and the book really wasn't about tiger parenting so much as a memoir of being an adult Asian American. Like most memoirs, it's fast/easy reading, but this one is not what it claims to be.

[Lindsey · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was just a book of essays, with no narrative and nothing that makes you think her mom is a Tiger Mom.

[Sonia · Rating 3 out of 5]

In five keywords:
Humorous. Relatable. Honest. Familiar. Personal.

[Elizabeth McDonald · Rating 2 out of 5]

From the title, I expected this book to be more of a response to Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother - a broad reflection on parenting and culture. Instead, it's a much narrower focus: a memoir of the author's own life. While I sometimes enjoy memoirs, this one didn't really grab me, and I put it down after reading a few chapters and skimming a few more from the middle of the book. What put me off it most was Keltner's penchant for scattering catchphrases from pop culture throughout her writing. For example, an early chapter ends with, "To paraphrase Philip Larkin, 'They f*** you up, your [Chinese] mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do.' Tiger babies, let's strike back. After all, The Chinese Kids Are All Right." Too much.

[Elizabeth Tai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surprisingly, Tiger Babies Strike Back was rated lowly by some folks on Goodreads, and I think it's unfair. And I suspect that it is because they have imposed their expectations on this book. This book is not a rebuttal to Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. There won't be long treatises on why HER version of parenting would be better than Chua's.

Instead, this is a book that de-glamourises the Tiger Mom form of parenting. Think that you should be a drill sergeant mum in order to ensure that your kid becomes a success? Read this book before flicking out that whip. You may not like what you see here. Also, this book speaks best to Tiger Babies - people who were children of Tiger parents. They will be affirmed and validated with this book.

Tiger Babies Strike Back is best read as a memoir of a woman's experience as Tiger Baby, and how Tiger Mom parenting has affected her. In many ways I am amazed at how the author's experiences echoed mine - down to the ritual fat shaming by the relatives during the holidays!

For one, Kim's book has helped me deconstruct and understand so many things - Chinese family dynamics that had frustrated me for ages (and that I now realise is shared by many in the Chinese community) and best of all - the root of my Drive.

It's the Drive that makes so many Chinese kids star students. By many standards I was a star student. I had a scholarship to study in university, was a straight-A student in college, became a freelance writer for the No.1 newspaper in Malaysia when I was 18. Yet, the Tiger parenting that enabled me to be a 'success' warped me in ways that surprise me till this day.

Being a Tiger baby is both good and bad. Good if you happen to thrive on competition. Bad if you happen not to. Good if you revel in the pedestal the family puts you onto if you happen to be No.1. Bad if you're can't meet the sky-high Expectations.

What resonated most with me is Kim's discussion about stoicism, and how many Chinese people valued that characteristic and try to pummel a kid so that they have this "quality". Again, good if you happen to be naturally stoic. VERY BAD if you are a passionate and sensitive person.

Basically, traditional Chinese parenting only favours a certain type of personality. But even that personality may buckle under the stress. The author writes poignantly about the suicide of super-successful-by-anyone's-standards Iris Chang, and how she suspects that the constant Drive to be No.1 played a part in her undoing.

Because, after a while, you get really, really, really exhausted trying to run that up never-ending mountain, and you just want to QUIT. Unfortunately, in a culture where it's all about "face" and external success, quitting isn't desirable.

Back to the memoir - she does ramble in the last 1/4 of the book, and I found myself skimming the pages. But she comes back with a blast with the epilogue, where she tells Tiger Babies how to "turn to the dark light" like she did. That epilogue alone is worth the price of the book.

An amazing book that has been unfairly judged by folks who wanted it to be something else.

[Lara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Original review found here
A couple of years ago I reviewed Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua (You can read my review here). There was (and still is) much controversy surrounding this book, but I found it a fascinating memoir of someone who was doing the best she knew how with her children. I did not agree with every choice she made as a mother, but I learned a lot about myself and, I believe, became a better mother because of her book. And maybe not in the way you might think. I mostly admired her absolute dedication to helping her children succeed. I didn't always think her methods were the best, but I was inspired by her work ethic and devotion to her job as a mother.

That said, I never once believed that Chua's book was some sort of parenting manual or treatise on why Chinese parenting is superior. That is what the media portrayed it to be, but it was a memoir. A memoir written by a mother who might have different ideas about parenting than you or I. A mother who, in the end, realized that perhaps some of her methods weren't working so well--that her children were not the same person and she couldn't parent them identically and achieve identical results.

Tiger Babies Strike Back by Kim Wong Keltner is billed as a rebuttal to Chua's memoir. It is a memoir itself, though written in a much different style. Keltner is quite humorous, and uses her humor to draw the reader in. I'm not really sure it's much of a rebuttal, either. To me, it showed that Keltner had a different sort of personality--more sensitive, soft, and gentle--than her stoic Chinese mother did. I don't think this sort of situation is necessarily unique to Chinese American families. I think as parents, if we are not careful, we can parent in a way that does not honor our children and their unique personalities.

I do find it exhausting sometimes that I need to be more gentle and sensitive with one child, more fun for another, and more active with the other one. It's easier to just parent how I want to, without regard to my children, but the results aren't usually what I hope for. The author of this memoir just wanted a mother who understood her, and didn't feel she had that sort of a mother.

And really, this memoir doesn't harp on the whole Tiger Mom vs. Tiger Baby point too much. It is funny and insightful as she writes about her life after marriage and the parenting of her own child. The book is written in short, always comedic, chapters and is a quick read. I don't think you need to have read the Tiger Mother book to find good insights and a lot of entertainment reading in the Tiger Babies book.

************
I received a copy of this book from the publisher via TLC Book Tours in exchange for my review.

[Bookworm · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well, I really wanted to give this book a chance. As a "response" of sorts to Amy Chua's "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" (which I also hated) I thought we'd get something that would discuss the problems of Chua's work, a breaking of stereotypes (or at least better explanations!) and hopefully a better book.

The book talks about Keltner's childhood, through college and beyond. In between various things that reflect the cultural divide between her Chinese parents and her upbringing in San Francisco. There's a little discussion of the history of the Chinese in the US (not a whole lot, so you won't get bored if that's not for you) as well.

I could very much identify with early parts of her book: the Chinese school on the weekends, the comparison to other Chinese children (cousins, friends, take your pick), the weight obsession, etc. This might not be the experience of others, but don't diminish Keltner's history.

Then it goes downhill from there. Strangely enough, Keltner's work actually mirrors Chua's in that it's really not all that much about parenting. It's really about the author trying to expunge their own personal demons. I had hoped the author would discuss parenting differences (her own vs. that of her parents) but...not really.

Instead, we are treated to things like why she left San Francisco (because the police shot a tiger). If it is the incident I think it is (and I suspect it is because it was Christmas), the author should have added that the tiger had somehow gotten loose from its enclosure and killed someone, as well as basically terrorizing the staff. She goes on to describe being felt up on the bus, being called racist epithets and how dangerous it is to walk in the city.

None of this is surprising to anyone who has lived or works in San Francisco, but it just came across as unbelievably whiny. With the exception of the tiger incident, all of the things she described could happen almost anywhere else.

I was really interested in the premise, but see I really wasted my time with it. If you're looking for a response to Amy Chua, this isn't it. It might be of mild interest to Chinese-Americans. Others who are familiar with cross-cultural differences *might* find it interesting, but I don't recommend it. When I first found this book I wondered why I had never heard of it after Chua's book. Now I know why.

Library if you're really that interested.

[Luna · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's been a long time since I've read and reviewed anything. I miss doing both of these things, and I've been so utterly stressed recently that I think it's time that I got back into things that make me happy. Namely, reading and reviewing things.

So here goes!

This isn't a bad book. I've given it a low review, but it's not bad, so don't let that put you off. The thing here is that I'm clearly not the target market. I'm 25, I'm white, I'm Australian, and although I'm married, I don't have any kids. I'm not a Tiger Baby, and while my mother was clearly lacking, she wasn't a Tiger Mom. This book isn't going to teach me how to break out of that hold.

However, this book is interesting in how it shows the cultural upbringing of first generation children- something I'm a part of. And although I'm from a German family and 'blended in' so to speak with the rest of my class, I did feel that schism.

Keltner's personal essays in this book a little disjointed and didn't have a particular flow, which contributed to my low rating. There was some jumping around from topic to topic, and I think it could have been tidied up more. This is her first non-fiction work, which is apparent, but her style of writing is quite reflective of her fiction topics (not that I've read them, but there's a very youthful sense to her style).

I'd be interested in reading reviews of this book by Chinese-Americans and how they responded to it.

[Arlie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book would be a fast and interesting read - there was so much hype about Amy Chua's Tiger Mother book (which I never read), and I've worked in Asia, so I was interested to read from someone who was a bit more removed from the emphasis on achievement and success. However - it took me forever to get through it. Parts were funny, parts were sweet, parts were insightful (Keltner has perspectives on her mother as an adult that she couldn't see as a child) - and parts just went on and on. There was a lot of meandering into feelings about San Francisco (don't care). And her assumption that all of her family issues were a direct result of being Chinese-American got a little annoying. Certainly, there are cultures in Asia that emphasize success/achievement/scholastic perfection more than others - China is one of them. But the tension between pushing your children to succeed and letting them grow and develop at their own pace is universal, I think. And there are many families that don't talk about the past, that sweep unpleasantness under the rug. There are many parents who are not great at showing vulnerability to their children.
I liked Keltner - I appreciated her dedication to giving her daughter a loving, play-filled childhood. I want the same for my children. I would have enjoyed her memoir more if it had been a little more organized and about half the length.

[Bernadette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kim Wong Keltner has some thoughtful and interesting things to say about her experience being raised by a Tiger Mom, a traditional Chinese parent who pushes a child to be the best using extreme discipline methods. The book is worthwhile because Keltner provides the cultural and social context which surrounds this typically Chinese obsession to be the best, while trying to understand the personal reasons her mother raised her as she did. As the book progresses, the author seems to mature and comes to understand her mother's value and sacrifices when she too becomes a mother. Keltner vows, however, never to raise her daughter as a Tiger Baby because she wants to give the love and affection that she felt were missing from her childhood in order to raise a more well-rounded, emotionally healthy individual. I particularly enjoyed Keltner's wonderfully rich and vivid descriptions of San Francisco, especially the Chinese neighborhood where she grew up. In spite of Keltner's sometimes foul language, I appreciate her honest telling of an experience she says too many Chinese families try to hide.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A series of personal essays on parenting, unconditional love, growing up American with immigrant Asian parents and more. If you are looking for a 'mommy dearest' memoir (which the title and subtitle promise), you will not find much here to interest you. Keltner recalls bits and pieces of her own Tiger Mother's behavior but nothing on the scale of the Amy Chua Tiger Mother method. However, Keltner's bottom line is that children need to know that their parents love them, pure and simple. That 'pushing' a child, supposedly for her or his own future benefit is nothing more than the parent's narcissism: 'my child played in Carnegie Hall before she was 12! my child is taking college level calculus at 13!' is not about the child but about the parent's own need to be best in everything. A child labelled 'disgusting' or called 'garbage' is a future adult, self esteem damaged, relationships threatened, and less than what a human should be.

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not find this book to be a fast read. The writing is vividly descriptive as the author, Kim, tells her story of growing up in San Fransisco as a second generation Chinese daughter of a "tiger mom". Her mother's parenting style was one that pushed her children to succeed by comparing them negatively to other people's children, and one that lacked physical affection. Kim felt unloved and decided not to raise her daughter the way she was raised. Eventually, she moved away from San Fransisco in order to get away from her controlling family.
I am not Chinese, but have many friends who are and I have seen both the tiger mom style of parenting and the more relaxed style of parenting that Kim advocates among my Chinese friends and acquaintances.
I think that moms - Chinese and not - will enjoy this memoir and the author's views of parenting.