Good Grief: Healing Through the Shadow of Loss

by Deborah Morris Coryell

A compassionate guide to the experience of loss as an essential growth process

• Explores the nature of loss as a profound mystery shared by all human beings

• Offers sensitive and practical advice for experiencing grief and preparing for the healing journey that follows

• Includes CD of the author reading selections from the text

We grieve only for that which we have loved, and the transient nature of life makes love and loss intimate companions. In Good Grief professional grief educator Deborah Morris Coryell describes grief as the experience of not having anywhere to place our love, of losing a connection, an outlet for our emotion. To heal grief we have to learn how to continue to love in the face of loss.

In this compassionate guide, Coryell gives inspiring examples of how embracing our losses allows us to awaken our most profound connections to other people. Though our society tends to rank losses in a “hierarchy of grief,” she reminds us that all losses must be grieved in their own right and on their own terms, and that we must honor the “small” losses as well as the “big” ones. Paying attention to even the most minute experiences of loss can help us to be more in tune with our responses to the greater ones, allowing us to once again become part of the rhythm of life from which we have become disconnected. This 10th anniversary edition includes a 60-minute CD of the author reading select passages from the text.

Genres: Grief

160 pages, Paperback

First published October 17, 1997

Reviews

[Wendi]

This book comes highly recommended by Dr. Andrew Weil, one of my favorites. When I skimmed through the book at the store, some paragraphs jumped out at me, enough to convince me to buy it.

However, after a couple weeks of carrying it around and feeling a bit reluctant (without cause) to read, I finally got through the first (short) couple of chapters. On the whole what she said appealed to me but then in two or three different references, the author likened losing a beloved one to being expelled from the mother's womb. Actually, writing likened is a bit of an under-comparison, she really pretty much said that losing a beloved is exactly like being expelled from the mother's womb and losing that connection forever.

Since I essentially couldn't get away from my own mother (later in life, of course, not at the point of the womb) with enough expediency, this analogy just really repelled me from her further explanations and analogies. Now, yes, this is a highly personal reason to turn away from a book and because of that I'm choosing not to rate the book any stars, which is the first time I've done this. I've always forced myself to choose a star, no matter the reason for walking away but this time it just doesn't seem fair, since the rest of the book (and perhaps even the womb analogy) could very well help others.

It is also possible that I am at a point in which my current state of grief seems so overwhelmingly monumental that I believe that no self-help book could possibly console me.

In any case, I just couldn't continue.

[Michelle Devine-Traxler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was half-vested in the book, and still half-vested in my own thoughts on how I feel about grief, so this book is definitely a re-read.

A passage from the book which stuck with me:

"Sometimes we want to sit down a write a letter to someone or something we are missing. Writing letters - letters that we might just write and mail in our imagination or literally write and mail to some "dead letter" department - can be an exercise in not only creativity but in healing the empty places in our lives, especially if we allow ourselves to imagine what response we might get from the addressee.
Special days - birthdays, anniversaries, holidays - cry out for attention.."

I suppose I should start composing.
An excellent book for anyone who suffered a loss, and can't quite make peace with their grief.

I'll be re-reading again in a month or so.



You cannot discover new oceans
unless you have the courage
to lose sight of the shore.

TIBETAN PROVERB

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This will probably be a good book to revisit when I'm experiencing loss in my life in the future. I was led to believe that this book would address issues like leaving a city or how to deal with others who are dealing with loss, or even small every day losses. It did give me some good ideas and thoughts about loss and grief, but it was mostly about when people die.

The writing was not very good. The author used a lot of anemic personal anecdotes. In terms of structure, it was really all over the place. It had a lot of good ideas and concepts,so I think I'll hang on to it, and pull it out when I need some guidance in grieving someday.

[Amanda Mathis · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a quick read and some parts really touched me and helped me with my feelings of grief. Some parts, however, were not so helpful as I caught myself having to reread them after my brained glazed over in boredom. This may be because of my own personal emotions at the time or it may be because the book is boring. I cannot say for certain one way or another. It does make a lot of good points about the grief journey..I just feel like they may have been said more succinctly at times.

[Jenny Cassidy Olsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book. It really transformed the way I think about grief. I would recommend it to anyone who is grieving--for whatever reason. One idea I will always remember is that when we are grieving we are heart-broken and a broken heart can grow back stronger and larger. I've felt this in my life recently. So much more love and compassion for people.

[Adrian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not know what to expect in reading a book about grief. I was surprised to find words of wisdom not from a researcher or scientist but from lived experience. I appreciated the notions of breath, silence, and rituals around death like shiva. It expanded my knowledge and sparked my desire to explore being a grief counselor.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this on my Kindle and found myself using the highlight function on nearly every page. I don't know what to say about the book really except that I feel more capable and more human than I did before I read it.

[Leela Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book after my mother died and found it immensely wise and helpful in making sense of it all. I recommend it to everyone I meet who is dancing with loss of a loved one.
Leela Francis
www.VividlyWoman.com

[Victor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been very helpful to me in grieving a recent loss. I don't know what I would've done without it.