[Two More Pints] [By: Doyle, Roddy] [October, 2014]

by Roddy Doyle

Two men meet for a pint in a Dublin pub. They chew the fat, set the world to rights, take the piss… They talk about their wives, their kids, their kids’ pets, their football teams and – this being Ireland in 2011–12 –about the euro, the crash, the presidential election, the Queen’s visit. But these men are not parochial or small-minded; one of them knows where to find the missing Colonel Gaddafi (he’s working as a cleaner at Dublin Airport); they worry about Greek debt, the IMF and the bondholders ( whatever they might be); in their fashion, they mourn the deaths of Whitney Houston, Donna Summer, Davy Jones and Robin Gibb; and they ask each other the really important questions like ‘Would you ever let yourself be digitally enhanced?’Inspired by a year’s worth of news, Two Pints distils the essence of Roddy Doyle’s comic genius. This book shares the concision of a collection of poems, and the timing of a virtuoso comedian.

Genres: Fiction, Irish Literature, Humor, Short Stories, Ireland, Comedy, Ebooks

Hardcover

First published November 1, 2012

About the author

Roddy Doyle (Irish: Ruaidhrí Ó Dúill) is an Irish novelist, dramatist and screenwriter. Several of his books have been made into successful films, beginning with The Commitments in 1991. He won the Booker Prize in 1993.

Doyle grew up in Kilbarrack, Dublin. He graduated with a Bachelor of Arts from University College, Dublin. He spent several years as an English and geography teacher before becoming a full-time writer in 1993.

Reviews

[Fionnuala]

April 2013


-Some fukkers make their money easy, that’s for sure.

-You're not on about the bankers again. Ah Jaysus, man, give it a rest.

-Not that shower, no, those writer fellas.

-Yeh mean book writin’ is it? Sure everyone knows there’s no money in book writin'.

-Hah! That’s wha’ you think. I heard yer man Doyle talkin’ on the radio about a book he's after writin'.

-Ger out of it, you’re not tellin’ me that footballer fella is writin' books!

-Jaysus, not him. Nah, the Commitments guy, do yeh not remember him?

-Ride, Sally, Ride. God, that was some fuckin’ song!

-Well looka, hasn’t he gone an’ wrote another book, d’ya see.

-I can’t stan the rain ‘gainst mah window, yeah!

-Give over, will yeh, the fuckin’ karaoke is in the upstairs lounge.

-Try a little tenderness, man. Give us another pint there, Jim.

-So hasn’t fuckin’ Doyle gone an’ made a book outa Facebook.

-An’ there was I thinkin’ it was a book already. Face Book, geddit!

-Ah, fuck off. So, an anyway, this book is makin’ a mint for the Doyler, d'ya see.

-Wha’s in it then? Young'uns posting pictures of therselves langers?

-Nah, it’s jus' about two auld fellas, like. Havin’ a couple of pints.

-Ger out of it, he never wrote a book abou’ two fuckin’auld fellas havin’ a pint!

-I’m tellin’ ya, two auld fellas chattin' like.

-Jaysus, what next?

-Talkin’ about politics, if yeh don’ mind, and the EU and stuff.

-Must be boring bloody shite.

-Football an’ elections, and the economy, like.

-Hold on, that Doyler fella, tell us, what's he look like?

-Baldy little cunt with glasses.

-There’s a baldy foureyes down the bar there, scribblin’ in a fuckin' jotter.

-Ah, for Jaysus bloody sake!

[Tony · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a lot to be said for having one really good friend and, on a regular basis, sitting stool-by-stool, and sharing the events of the day. Ah, I once had such a routine. A running dialogue where you don't have to explain obscure references and where your mate can reliably finish your sentence. Enough beer and one might fancy the thought that it'd be a shame if these conversations were not recorded.

So Vladimir and Estragon pause in their absurdity. They look around. And instead of waiting, they change scenery. A couple of pints, good man. Roddy Doyle. Ha Ha Ha.

Some snippets:

--See the Queen's goin' to mention Ireland in her Christmas speech.
--Ah, great. I might mention her in mine.
--It's a big deal.
--Not really. I just say a few words to the family.
--The Queen's one, I meant.


Lamenting that passing of Davy Jones, the British singer in the Pop group The Monkees:

--What was their one really good song?
--Jaysis. Hey hey we're the--
--No.
--Cheer up sleepy--
--No.
--Then I saw her face.
--Exactly. 'I'm a Believer'. But he didn't sing it.
--Did he not?
--No. Mickey Dolenz, the drummer - he sang it.
--So you're saying - wha'? We shouldn't give much of a shite tha' poor oul' Davy's after dyin'?
--No.
--Just because he didn't sing 'I'm, a Believer' an' he happens to be English?
--No, I'm not....I only said he didn't sing 'I'm a Believer.'
--An' I didn't sing '24 Hours from Tulsa'. Will you be as fuckin' blase when I die?
- - - -
--Well?


It is an especially sad day when Whitney Houston died.

--The wife. She felt a special - I don't know - a link, I suppose. Our youngest, Kevin, yeh know - he was conceived after we saw The Bodyguard.
--In the fuckin' cinema?
--No, we made it home. Well - the front garden.


Read this if you can understand the joy of sitting with an old friend, a regular friend, with beers in front of you, and one of you asks Would you let yourself be digitally enhanced?


This was laugh out loud funny.

[Sam Quixote · Rating 2 out of 5]

- So I read this book called Two Pints by Roddy Doyle.
- Doyle, sounds Irish.
- He is, won a book prize back in the `90s for a novel.
- Two Pints is fiction then.
- Yes and no.
- Oo, sounds arty!
- It's two ordinary old Irish fellas in a Dublin pub, shooting the breeze about what's in the news, and it's all about actual stuff that happened from May 2011 to September 2012.
- Right.
- But they're not real - they're just figments of the writer's imagination.
- Go on.
- It's also entirely dialogue based.
- Like a play?
- Yeah - minus the stage directions.
- Ok, so, any good?
- It's realistic-sounding - the two old fellas sounded like real people, I guess.
- Is it full of Irish dialect and stuff, like the Scottish heroin writer's stuff?
- It is, but not as thick, you know, more accessible.
- That doesn't sound like a glowing recommendation - "it sounds realistic"!
- No, but that's tough to pull off, isn't it?
- Is it?
- I suppose so. I'm not a writer.
- No, me either. But I'd hope if I were reading a book about two guys nattering the whole time, I'd want to be interested in what they were nattering about.
- They are interesting, kind of. You get their views on the recession, the euro crisis, various celebrity deaths, sports results.
- Eh, sounds nothing more than mildly interesting gossip. Do they have any insights into any of that?
- Not really, they just comment on it. Bit like those two old muppet guys at the theatre?
- Alright. Can't remember their names.
- No. Doesn't matter anyway.
- It sounds like if you read this stuff a couple years after it'd happened, it wouldn't have as much an impact - it sounds like they take it as read that the reader already knows the background.
- And you're right - the dialogues don't really date that well.
- Is this the book?
- It is - I couldn't find a coaster so I improvised.
- I see what you mean - there's a page of dialogue and then it's onto the next topic. Sometimes not even the whole page is used.
- But sometimes it bleeds over onto two or three pages.
- Oh, yeah I see. Still, short isn't it? 89 pages. Doesn't look like it'd take long to read.
- It doesn't, and it's written in this easy to read, flowing style, so you fly through it in no time. There's also some fiction parts too, like one of the fellas' grandkids - they're both grandpas - called Damien gets some exotic pets like hyenas and whatnot and they die.
- That's a bit of a weird detail to lob in amongst the non-fiction.
- Yeah but see that blurb about it being "funny" - I think that's where the humour comes from. A bit of quirky surrealism here and there to tickle you.
- And did it?
- Nah. Seemed like a strange misstep more than anything. Maybe it's just me though, humour being subjective and all.
- You know what this whole thing sounds like? The literary version of a daily newspaper cartoon.
- It really is, except you couldn't fit it into three panels or whatever, but it's basically the same thing, tonally and whatnot.
- Maybe they were writing exercises or cut dialogue from his other books? Are his other books this heavy on the dialogue?
- They are. Maybe. Who knows? Anyway, it's not the worst thing ever but it's pretty forgettable stuff.
- Feels that way. You know, I don't think this stuff is all as difficult to write as it seems.
- What, writing dialogue about stuff between two guys having a couple pints?
- Yeah, seems like any idiot with a keyboard who knows how people he knows speak and can type pretty quick, could whip up this kinda crap in no time. You know, taking as long to write as it does to read.
- I don't know about that. I'm not a writer.
- Nah. Me either. Another pint?
- Cheers.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fuckin' brilliant.

This hilarious slim book started life as a series of Facebook posts. Doyle wanted to figure out how to use FB so he played around with creating posts as if they were daily conversations between a couple of buddies in a pub.
The book is written entirely as dialogue. It's coarse, it's rude, it's LOL funny.
Bracing and invigorating.

************************************************
(On his grandson learning poetry)
“An’ he asks me to, yeh know, look at the poem. So I get the oven gloves on an’ I give it a dekko. ‘The Road Not Taken’ – some bollix called Robert Frost. Have yeh read it, yourself?
— I won’t even say no.
— Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. Stay where yeh are; I’m just givin’ yeh a flavour o’ the thing.
— And – wha’?
— Well, this cunt – Robert Frost, like – he’s makin’ his mind up abou’ which road to take an’ he knows he’ll regret not takin’ one o’ them. An’ that’s basically it.
— He doesn’t need a fuckin’ poem for tha’. That’s life. It’s common fuckin’ sense.
— Exactly. I go for the cod, I regret the burger.
— I married the woman but I wish I could be married to her sister.
— Is tha’ true?
— Not really – no.
— Annyway. Yeh sure?
— Go on.
— So annyway, the poor little bollix – Damien, like – the grandson. He has to answer questions about it. An’ the last one – it’s really stupid now. What road do you think you should never take? An’, like, I tell him, The road to Limerick.
— Did he write tha’?
— He fuckin’ did. “An’ guess where the fuckin’ teacher comes from? An’ guess who’s been called up to the fuckin’ school, to explain himself to the fuckin’ headmaster?
— Brilliant.
— Tomorrow mornin’.
— Serves yeh righ’ for readin’ poetry.”

Excerpt From: Doyle, Roddy. “Two Pints: A Collection.”

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the ebook version of this, and it might just be one of those rare books I buy a hard copy of just to have it on my shelf to lend to the right person. I laughed so hard during parts of this -- what a perfect way to start off my 2013 reading. I know these two guys in a pub -- I know them as Scottish and not Irish -- but I know them, twenty times over. They take on world politics, pop culture and even poetry ("some bollix called Robert Frost") and dispense a lot of "truths" on their bar stools. "It's Magnums or nothing, I told her. If we can't afford Magnums for the grandkids, we might as well turn on the gas." "Yeh posh c**ts.* (Language warning throughout)

[Vesna · Rating 4 out of 5]

The events in 2011/12 across the globe as seen by two middle-age guys over a pint (or 2, 3, 4…) of beer in a bar. No limits to the range of their topics, from the events in Lybia to disco stars or the London Olympics. Even if not familiar with some events or personalities, it’s funny all the way. The review by Fionnuala is a must read to complete the fun.

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two men sitting in an Irish pub and just jawing away. One of the most entertaining. irreverent, politically incorrect novels I have read this year and I loved it. Can't remember the last time I laughed out loud, while I was cataloging this at work I was reading it out loud to my co=workers. There are some things that I think you live in Ireland to understand but there was still plenty of amusement for those of us who do not. Of course, since they are Irish, they firmly believe that a pint or two wil fix almost anything. Loved it!

[Allie Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very, very funny. I imagine this would be even better as an audio book. It has been turned into a play, too, I gather. I hope they put it on TV, because I can see it working very well in that format. A swift read with many genuine laugh out loud moments. Recommended.

[Angus McKeogh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written in 2011 & 2012. Format: conversation between two friends at a pub while having a pint. Great craic. Funny stuff. Much funnier than a lot of the other “supposedly rip-roaringly” funny stuff I’ve read recently.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

#ReadIreland18
It took me 1,5 hrs and 2 Heinekens to read this play.
Two Irish barflys...just shootin' the breeze.

I haven't laughed this much in years!
The last chapter 25-6-14 was on of the best
...but all the chapters are terrific!

"Yeh have to admire Suarez, all the same.
-Go on -- why?
-Well, if yeh were goin' to bite an Italian--
[...] but He bit a f##kin' Serb.
--a f##kin warlord!"

#MustRead

[Ryan · Rating 2 out of 5]

One sketch repeated remorselessly for 89 pages.

[Noeleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Roddy Doyle, one of my favourite Irish authors, never ever lets me down when it comes to humour. With his sharp wit, skilful writing and keen observations, he always manages to create many laugh out loud moments in his books. His latest book, Two Pints, does not disappoint. Two Pints most certainly delivered in fulfilling my high expectations. Reading this book is equivalent to downing a pint of Guinness, it is smooth, slick and highly satisfying. It’s a short read which can easily be read in an hour, but for that hour, I laughed out loud so much.

This book is about two fellas in the pub putting the world to rights and their observations on the political, social, economic and cultural events that have affected Ireland in the past twelve months. I have witnessed some variances of these conversations myself in real life, by overhearing conversations in the local pub, conversations within my workplace and even within my own home on certain topics. Roddy Doyle managed to capture them expertly. I particularly loved the references to the grandson, Damien, and his ‘science’ experiments, these sections of the book were hilarious.

In my opinion, this book may not work for you if you are:

a) not Irish
b) not familiar with many of the political, social, economic and cultural events which have affected Ireland in the past twelve months (although some conversations refer to worldwide events, the majority relate to Ireland)
c) opposed to swear words in books. If you are hostile to swear words, do not even consider reading this book. But this book wouldn’t work without the swear words, a trademark of Roddy Doyle's writing. As a Dublin Northsider like Roddy Doyle, this is how we roll, these are the conversations we have, especially with a few pints, and Doyle, as usual, has managed to capture these conversations superbly.

I loved this book. My only complaint is that it wasn’t long enough by far. I wanted more, much more. I would imagine that this little gem of a book is going to fill a lot of Irish Christmas stockings this year.

[MisterHobgoblin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Look, the test of Two Pints will come in ten or twenty years when people look back on it and decide whether or not it evokes the spirit of 2011-12.

Reading like an occasional newspaper column, we have short (generally one page long) snippets of conversation between two men in a Dublin bar. They discuss the day's headlines, politics, sport, deaths of famous people and the collapse of the Irish economy. There's a lot packed in, from Martin McGuinness's handshake with the Queen, the 2012 Olympics, Somali pirates and the hunt for Colonel Gadaffi. Most merit a single line of banter, occasionally two or three. The question is whether Roddy Doyle has captured a moment in time and space or whether it is just ephemeral fluff. And only time will tell.

Two Pints is very short - it is unlikely to trouble most readers for more than an hour. Some of the jokes are funny, but tend to be done to death. Most centre around a short statement by one drinker that is misunderstood - often implausibly - by the other. Are they really misunderstanding or is it part of the banter? And that's often the way in Irish pubs, never quite sure whether your drinking buddy is being genuine or acting out a cultural expectation of what constitutes banter. Two men trying successfully to appear ignorant despite obviously taking a degree of interest in the world.

Many will welcome Roddy Doyle's return to vernacular Dublin after forays into historical novels. It certainly feels more comfortable. But there's just this nagging doubt that there should be more personal engagement; more of a feel for the drinkers and less of an imperative to namecheck every headline from the past year and a bit.

[A. Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Roddy Doyle is just brilliant. This book made me laugh out loud more than once. It's so smart, so snappy. The book is structured as a kind of diary, spanning about eighteen months, with sporadic entries. Each one is about a page, and it's entirely dialogue. The two characters meet on their stools at their local and chat about current events and personal lives. As eavesdropper, the reader has a blast. The one disappointment is the series of pets that one man buys for his grandson. That device didn't work for me, but I accepted that the book isn't perfect and read on. The speech is consistently deadly.

[beentsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ridiculously funny, especially if you hear it in your head as being read by various characters from The Commitments. Oh, and for those offended by foul language, you may want to take a pass on this one. ;)

I do feel guilty having this count towards my books for this year though as it is such a wee book. I'll make sure I read a fat book to balance it out.

[Daniel Kukwa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A slim slip of a novella -- it's more two-handed dialogue or play than full blown story. It will go a bit above the heads of anyone not familiar with certain elements of modern-day Irish society, but it's full of ridiculous banter that should put an easy smile on your face. It's a pleasant little diversion.

[Tom O'Brien · Rating 4 out of 5]

This feels too light and slight to give 5 stars but that is the deception in what Roddy Doyle has achieved. There is social commentary if you want it, a treatise on growing old and on friendship, love, family and memory. Or it's just a series of jokes between two old Dubs meeting in their regular pub for a few pints. Above all, it's funny. Genuinely funny.

[Michael Sanderson-green · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is two requirements in order to enjoy this book they are 1 read it in an Irish accent and 2 read it with a pint of guiness in the other hand . Some of it went over my head but on the whole it got funnier and funnier as this short book progress . If you don't read just fuck off

[Katy Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, witty, to the point. I am ignorant of a lot of Irish current affairs (and football!) so some of this passed over my head.
Loved little Damian and his pets though - could see a spin-off book resulting!

[Andreea Ratiu · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was quite interesting reading this book, it was like eavesdropping to a conversation in a pub. Reading Irish English was interesting and yes, that's how people talk around here :) One thing I did not understand: what's the deal with the animals?...

[Greg · Rating 5 out of 5]

MORE OF THIS. Was reading this in bed and was laughing so hard I had to bite my hand to keep from waking the wife.

The only flaw is that it's too short. C'mon Doyle, write more of these guys!!!

[Trevor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant, loved it.

Two guys in a Dublin pub, talking about stuff, what more do you need when the conversation is short, sharp and funny?

[Tim Hodge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh out loud funny. First class dialogue and wit.

[Julian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing little read - good for a delayed flight and short haul! Brightened my day from the normal stresses and strains with Doyle's, as usual, excellent observation.

[Brad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somewhat entertaining. Written as a conversation between two men at a pub. A lot of nothing happens.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's 2011, going into 2012, a tumultuous year or so in Europe affecting everyone from the great and the good down to the two old soaks in a Dublin bar. The Eurozone crisis, a succession of deaths in the pop world, visits to Ireland by the Queen and Barack Obama, the London Olympics, other sporting events, tribal loyalties---they're all up for discussion by these worldly-wise observers meeting up for the odd jar or two.

Nameless, though with individual voices, this middle-aged pair come together to chew the fat on family, fame, news and other miscellanea in short conversational vignettes. In some ways they are a modern equivalent of Beckett's Vladimir and Estragon: the spotlight is totally on them and their inconsequential chat full of what might or might not be of meaningful significance: always humorous, sometimes poignant and for us now, at a few years' remove, it's even somewhat nostalgic.

I did so enjoy these dialogues, each one headed by date and yet not dated, if you see what I mean: often they referred to that day's happenings, as reported by news outlets---the death of one of the Bee Gees, how does Facebook make its money back, the candidates for the Irish presidential election, for example---but they also might mention something personal such as the crazy exploits of a grandson or a wife raiding savings to travel to a celebrity funeral. I could hear the asides, liberally sprinkled with colourful language, almost as if I was eavesdropping at the bar or at an adjacent table. At times the scenarios became surreal (a hyena? a polar bear?!), even metafictional (Sydney, Australia, where the writer happened to be on that self-same day).

But in many ways this is a cross between a journal and an exercise in nostalgia. Why else do we record daily thoughts except to revisit them at some future date and consider Is that really what happened then? Is that how I thought at the time? In the dialogues (how I'd love to hear them as a recording or a broadcast) there is a looking back to past popular culture and received opinions, musings on current trends like tweeting or digital enhancement, all of which suggest to me the reflections of a couple of men at some notional crossroads, one that they're not quite consciously aware of but somehow know is there.

It's a state that many of us recognise right now, and no doubt will continue to recognise. Dare we hope? Can we laugh in the face of a looming disaster? Can we take refuge in bar room banter and a beverage in the faint expectation that when we leave the pub the weather will not be as bad as we feared?

Do yourself a favour when you're feeling low: pick up a copy of this slim volume and rejoice in the homespun wisdom and incidental humour of a 21st-century Estragon and Vladimir.

[Andrea Maino · Rating 3 out of 5]

Due amici si ritrovano ogni settimana nello stesso pub davanti a una pinta di birra a chiacchierare e confrontarsi su vari argomenti di attualità che spaziano dalla politica, allo spettacolo, allo sport, ai cittadini inglesi fino a giungere a questioni più personali.
Una quotidianità scandita da incontri in cui si dialoga con leggerezza utilizzando toni dissacranti in un’atmosfera rilassata, in cui si vorrebbero lasciare fuori i pensieri più profondi. Doyle ricrea perfettamente l’ambientazione del pub irlandese e l’amicizia semplice e ordinaria dei due protagonisti.
Una lettura piacevole e veloce che intrattiene con le tipiche conversazioni da birreria in cui viene delineata con precisazione la personalità tipica irlandese, un po’ pessimista e fatalista.

[Lucie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice and short and very funny. Love this author, he was recommended by JK Rowling and I read it slightly early for the March challenge for the ONTD reading group (still haven't finished the February one but I needed some light relief!). It is very easy to dip in and out of and the bits about the kid Damien and his unfortunate animals were hilarious. The Irish accent is also included in the spelling and missed letters which adds to the comic effect. Recommend!

[Stef Smulders · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny enough.

[Ioan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed it. Very amusing. Shows the real value of one good friend with whom you can have unguarded conversations. I know it doesn't follow a traditional storyline, but I feel it could have benefited from a vague one just to give the ending a sense of finality, but that's just a personal view.