Life Preservers: Good Advice When You Need It Most

by Harriet Lerner

With wit, wisdom and uncommon sense, Dr. Harriet Lerner gives readers the tools to solve problems and create joy, meaning and integrity in their relationships. Women will find Life Preservers (more than 40,000 copies sold in hardcover) to be an invaluable motivational guide that covers the landscape of work and creativity, anger and intimacy, friendship and marriage, children and parents, loss and betrayal, sexuality and health and much more. With new insights and a results-oriented approach, Dr. Lerner answers women’s most frequently asked questions and offers the best advice for problems women face today: I always pick the wrong guys.
Should I move in with him?
I can’t stand my boss.
Should I leave my marriage?
How can I recover from his affair?
Is my fantasy abnormal?
Is my therapy working?
I miss my mother.
I can’t believe I was fired.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Feminism, Audiobook

372 pages, Paperback

First published November 22, 1996

About the author

Dr. Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology, City University of New York; M.A. Educational Psychology, Columbia University Teachers College), was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, the second of two daughters. Her parents, Archie and Rose Goldhor, were both children of Russian-Jewish immigrant parents. They were high school graduates who wanted their daughters to "be someone" at a time when women were only supposed to "find someone."

"Achievement was next to Godliness for my sister, Susan, and me." Harriet notes. "My father would talk about ‘My daughters the doctors’ while we were still in our strollers."

Growing up, Harriet and Susan spent weekends at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, the Brooklyn Public Library and the Brooklyn Museum. "These places were free and just a subway token away."

Lerner's mother had an unwavering belief in her daughters and strong principles about how to raise children. In Harriet's words:

"Even during the hardest economic times my mother, Rose, made sure that Susan and I had four things that she believed were essential to our later success:

1. Good shoes (I don't mean stylish)
2. A firm, quality mattress
3. A top pediatrician (none other than Doctor Benjamin Spock);
4. A therapist

Unlike other parents of the day who considered therapy to be a last resort of the mentally ill, my mother thought it was a learning experience. She put me in therapy before I was three, after obtaining a health insurance policy that provided weekly therapy sessions for one dollar. I later joked that my mother would send me to a therapist if I came home from school with anything less than a B plus. I was exaggerating, but only a little bit. "

Her mother's belief in therapy undoubtedly contributed to Lerner's career choice. She decided to become a clinical psychologist before finishing kindergarten - a decision she never veered from.

EDUCATION AND CAREER
Lerner attended local public schools in Brooklyn including Midwood High School. She did her undergraduate work at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, where she majored in psychology and Indian studies. She spent her junior year studying and doing research in Delhi, India. Lerner received an M.A. in educational psychology from Teachers' College of Columbia University and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the City University of New York. It was there that she met and later married Steve Lerner, also a clinical psychologist.

Harriet and Steve did a pre-doctoral internship at Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco and moved to Topeka, Kansas in 1972 for a two-year postdoctoral training program at the Menninger Foundation, where they subsequently joined the staff.

"We always planned to move back to Berkeley or New York,” says Lerner. “But two years in Topeka turned into two decades - and then some.” She now identifies herself as a Kansan and claims to have overcome her coastal arrogance. She has grown to love the simple life (meaning she has never had to learn to parallel park) and the big open skies. After Menninger closed shop in Topeka and moved to Houston, Lerner and her husband moved to Lawrence, Kansas where they currently have a private practice. They have two sons, Matt and Ben.

Lerner is best known for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships, and for her many best-selling books. Feminism and family systems theory continue to inform her writing. She has dedicated her writing life to translating complex theory into accessible and useful prose, and has become one of our nation's most trusted and respected relationship experts.

Lerner's books have been published in more than thirty-five foreign editions. Her latest book (January 2012) is Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up.



HONORS AND AWARDS (PARTIAL LISTING)
New York Distinguished Honor, National Anger Management Association
Kansas Distinguished Award for Literature
William Allen

Reviews

[Gwen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoy this author and the advice she gives. I've had this book for a long time and have read it in parts previously, however, it was nice to read it through fully.

[Raluca Anton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Întrebări simple și răspunsuri clare și concise. În continuare susțin ca I❤️Harriet Lerner

[Jennifer Heise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Classic Harriet Lerner therapy in short q&a letter form. The clear bottom line for oneself, the making of changes for and in oneself if necessary and looking into one's family of origin, while backing off the focus on others....all here.

[Pia Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helps a lot to me.
it has an advice to any problem that anyone is facing now.


You also have to try reading this.
if you want , I can let you borrow it from me :))

[Salahuddin Hourani]

ملاحظة لي - لم اقرا الكتاب بعد

that most people seek a partner in the same way they seek a product to be purchased (car, house, appliances, ...) while the capability and ability for this partner to provide love is usually overlooked and not counted neither considered while actually we need to check with ourselves what we personally need, and if this prospect partner can match with us

[Cindyanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Suggested because it contained discussions on issues I'm dealing with at the moment, I found it insightful. Not sure if I would read any other books by this author.

[Jenny Chin · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of my favorite books of Harriet Lerner
Love q and a
Particularly love the last chapter

[Tammy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like some of her other books better, but this one was helpful

[ciera · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like Harriet Lerner and her philosophies but I fear I read her best book first.

[Arun Narayanaswamy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Real stories real impactful messages.
Well researched and sensible approach by the author.

[Caroline · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is quite dated and the advice is very generic.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book to finish on a fast day -- short segments that didn't demand too much from my attention span. In fact, I've been picking this book up and putting it down periodically whenever I got tired of whatever else I was reading. It was good for that as well.

I really like Harriet Lerner, even if her material can be a bit repetitive if you've read as many of her books as I have. I don't agree with everything she says, but I do find her intelligent and provocative, and worth thinking about.

I also like advice columns, and considering whether or not I agree with the columnist's suggestions. This book was also interesting for me because Harriet works with Bowen Family Systems theory (the theory I've been working with all year) and it was interesting to see it translated into the practical suggestions and sound bytes of an advice column.

I would have given this four stars, but I was a little turned off by the section at the end, which focused mostly on politics and seemed like a mouthpiece for her personal views rather than a source of wisdom for people struggling with various personal/interpersonal difficulties.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anecdotal Ann Lander's style collection that supports Lerner's amazing theories. After reading many of her books, I could guess most of what she was going to say, but it was enjoyable to read about the people writing in, and anticipate the life-changing epiphany they must have gotten by reading her response.

[Elyssa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't like this Harrier Lerner book as much as the others. At first the Q&A format seemed ideal, but evenutally I felt that it lacked the depth and complexity of her other writings.

[Fatima · Rating 3 out of 5]

It just didn't help me or get me that much. I mean the problems are ordinary and not that complicated. Maybe because of my age donno

[Lynn Sherrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Harriet Lerner is the best of the popular psychologists. Lately she speaks more of her own life, and mistakes which is helpful. No one is perfect, even the expert.