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Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships
Have you felt 'left out' of the traditional relationship self-help books because you derive great pleasure from following your partner's requests and direction on many things in your life? Or do you respond to the natural inclination to guide, direct and protect your partner? Are your friends and family having difficulty understanding that your relationship works more like a captain and first mate on a boat?
If so, this innovative book, Leading and Supportive Love, the Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships, can help with new and clearer understanding of yourself, your relationship and acceptance with those that you love and care for.
The Dominant and Submissive Relationship is an ancient and contemporary harmonious dance that has become mysterious, magnetic, powerful, and controversial in modern day society. It may not be what you think, and some of the truth may surprise you!
It's a law of nature for socialized animals and humans to have hierarchical relationships. There are those who answer that call in a more literal, thorough way. The couple has a 'pack leader'; or a dominant leader; and a submissive member. Through history to modern day, both roles have been held by both men and/or women...Oh and yes, this is a relationship where both partners are equals.
Read about case illustrations, research insights, relationship help, and surprising details that may make you look at this type of long-term, committed relationship in a whole different way, no matter what gender you are!
If so, this innovative book, Leading and Supportive Love, the Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships, can help with new and clearer understanding of yourself, your relationship and acceptance with those that you love and care for.
The Dominant and Submissive Relationship is an ancient and contemporary harmonious dance that has become mysterious, magnetic, powerful, and controversial in modern day society. It may not be what you think, and some of the truth may surprise you!
It's a law of nature for socialized animals and humans to have hierarchical relationships. There are those who answer that call in a more literal, thorough way. The couple has a 'pack leader'; or a dominant leader; and a submissive member. Through history to modern day, both roles have been held by both men and/or women...Oh and yes, this is a relationship where both partners are equals.
Read about case illustrations, research insights, relationship help, and surprising details that may make you look at this type of long-term, committed relationship in a whole different way, no matter what gender you are!
176 pages, Paperback
First published October 13, 2012
94 people are currently reading
271 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
April 15, 2013
This is an extremely valuable book all of us who are trying to improve relationships with our partners. Beyond "extremely valuable," this book offers a guiding path to those of us who actually live in power-based (hierarchical) relationships.
Chris Lyon has managed to capture the essential qualities of those who are the leaders and those who are the followers in successful long-term relationships and translates relationship theory into pragmatic suggestions for improving them. Because I, myself, have lived in dominant/submissive relationships for over a decade -- and because I also write books about hierarchical, structured relationships, I am familiar with the works of others who have approached this topic. Without reservation, I'll say that Chris has done the best job of all with this book. Her writing is clean, clear, and crisp I've spent many hours reading and re-reading sections and feel sure that everyone who is interested in this topic will find this book both easy to read and understand.
Because Chris is a Life Coach, she has packed this book with good and practical advice about ways that the leader in the relationship can care for and support the follower even as the follower supports and cares for the leader.
Really quite a remarkable book. I recommend it without reservation.
Robert J. Rubel, Ph.D
author and educator
Chris Lyon has managed to capture the essential qualities of those who are the leaders and those who are the followers in successful long-term relationships and translates relationship theory into pragmatic suggestions for improving them. Because I, myself, have lived in dominant/submissive relationships for over a decade -- and because I also write books about hierarchical, structured relationships, I am familiar with the works of others who have approached this topic. Without reservation, I'll say that Chris has done the best job of all with this book. Her writing is clean, clear, and crisp I've spent many hours reading and re-reading sections and feel sure that everyone who is interested in this topic will find this book both easy to read and understand.
Because Chris is a Life Coach, she has packed this book with good and practical advice about ways that the leader in the relationship can care for and support the follower even as the follower supports and cares for the leader.
Really quite a remarkable book. I recommend it without reservation.
Robert J. Rubel, Ph.D
author and educator
December 1, 2020
Ironically, for something that talks about being outside of ‘traditional’ relationship structures, this is a rigid, inflexible, heteronormative book largely aimed at straight monogamous couples. I like the L/S concept, but otherwise is completely unrelatable and reads like it was penned in the 1980s.
December 29, 2012
I finished this book just yesterday and am on a re-read already. Chris Lyon got to the heart of the L/S relationship in a way that was both real and completely understandable.
I found during my experience with the BDSM culture, that I was over sexualizing the culture. I should have read this prior to my investigations. Because Leading and Supportive Love really covered my 3 E's when I'm reading. Explain, Expound and Elaborate.
This book is a fantastic read for anyone & everyone as we all have people in our lives that we may not understand their relationships. This handy dandy book can help those of us seeking, dealing with and looking at L/S type relations.
This is a fabulous non-fiction self-help type writing, it is engaging and extremely helpful as she really applies a perspective of experience. I found myself relating to the very grounded L/S personality profiles.
All in all, a wonderful read and good for everyone to take a step outside themselves and get a better understanding that other kinds of relationships work just as well!
I found during my experience with the BDSM culture, that I was over sexualizing the culture. I should have read this prior to my investigations. Because Leading and Supportive Love really covered my 3 E's when I'm reading. Explain, Expound and Elaborate.
This book is a fantastic read for anyone & everyone as we all have people in our lives that we may not understand their relationships. This handy dandy book can help those of us seeking, dealing with and looking at L/S type relations.
This is a fabulous non-fiction self-help type writing, it is engaging and extremely helpful as she really applies a perspective of experience. I found myself relating to the very grounded L/S personality profiles.
All in all, a wonderful read and good for everyone to take a step outside themselves and get a better understanding that other kinds of relationships work just as well!
February 27, 2019
All relationships are hierarchical; make it work for your couple! I agree with the author that any type of relationship is somewhat hierarchical. In a long-term loving relationship, then it could be useful to recognize one's profile and to better know what it might bring into the relationship. The author refers to the «leading partner» or the «supportive partner» preventing to make it a gender related role and also showing that the power shift is not bdsm related. The book list the profile for both roles and what they mean within the relationship. Useful tools and characteristics defining needs for each role are great references. A precious book to improve any relationship
August 23, 2024
Not about D/s
In spite of how this is marketed, this has nothing to do with kink. It is I stezd a tedious, preachy, repetitive essay about vanilla relationships defending the idea that normal relationships have a leader and a follower. It normalizes the 'traditional' family structure, relying on debunked ideas of interpersonal relationships (A/B/O is fun in fiction but is in fact not reflective of real groups, either lupine or human)
And really, what else would you expect from someone who relies on a Christian preacher as a resource about family?
If I could give this zero stars I would.
In spite of how this is marketed, this has nothing to do with kink. It is I stezd a tedious, preachy, repetitive essay about vanilla relationships defending the idea that normal relationships have a leader and a follower. It normalizes the 'traditional' family structure, relying on debunked ideas of interpersonal relationships (A/B/O is fun in fiction but is in fact not reflective of real groups, either lupine or human)
And really, what else would you expect from someone who relies on a Christian preacher as a resource about family?
If I could give this zero stars I would.
September 1, 2024
Excellent! Chris is very wise and understands the essential dynamics of D/s (or L/s as she terms it) relationships. I wish I had read this book way, way back when I was a young man navigating my way through the world of love and dating. But, the ideas and suggestions in Chris’s book work for couples at any stage in their loving journey.
September 26, 2016
A really insightful, interesting read for anyone who's interested in a Dom/sub relationship. A great discussion with relatable examples. Good read!
July 6, 2017
Elementary for me, personally, but this is a great introduction for people without experience with D/s or L/s style relationships.
January 16, 2025
I know something about Power Dynamics. And this book… um… weird.
They use the terms “leading” and “supporting” instead of “dominant” and “submissive”. I don’t know anyone in my local or fet community who does that.
This book also cites “alpha wolves” in the wild which, has been recently debunked.
It references “giving up control” when the modern way of describing this dynamic is “giving up authority” and “authority transfer”.
Outside f that, this book is for people curious about the lifestyle, not in it already. There is a long list of “traits” dominant and submissive people have, which again, this is controversial. Because Doms and subs all come with different personality traits. The list is suppose to help you decide if you are one or the other. Perhaps I don’t appreciate this enough because I am dominant, always have been, and never doubted it. I didn’t need a list.
Oh! This book also gives many justifications for power dynamics, incase you have to justify it to yourself or others. Again, I didn’t. I have been confident in my role and my lifestyle.
But if you need this type of support, or if you do need a checklist to figure out if this is for you, OR if you are curious, you could use this short book for some quick info.
They use the terms “leading” and “supporting” instead of “dominant” and “submissive”. I don’t know anyone in my local or fet community who does that.
This book also cites “alpha wolves” in the wild which, has been recently debunked.
It references “giving up control” when the modern way of describing this dynamic is “giving up authority” and “authority transfer”.
Outside f that, this book is for people curious about the lifestyle, not in it already. There is a long list of “traits” dominant and submissive people have, which again, this is controversial. Because Doms and subs all come with different personality traits. The list is suppose to help you decide if you are one or the other. Perhaps I don’t appreciate this enough because I am dominant, always have been, and never doubted it. I didn’t need a list.
Oh! This book also gives many justifications for power dynamics, incase you have to justify it to yourself or others. Again, I didn’t. I have been confident in my role and my lifestyle.
But if you need this type of support, or if you do need a checklist to figure out if this is for you, OR if you are curious, you could use this short book for some quick info.
October 4, 2023
This book was the perfect length for its message. I identified with a lot of the L/S descriptions but many others were generalized and somewhat obvious. If you're looking to introduce someone to D/s dynamics who knows absolutely nothing about them (and is also a bit squeamish at the idea), then this is the book for you. Its accessible message is that hierarchical power exchange is inherent in many otherwise vanilla relationships, and that accepting those roles could be freeing and constructive. However, what Lyon does not mention is that the BDSM community is not vanilla. It's pansexual and--wonderfully--perverse. L/S relationships within a D/s|BDSM model include many components that are shied away from in this text.
January 3, 2025
Helpful for a unique relationship type
I am learning a lot about our relationship and the challenges we’ve faced. Deep down I’ve always known that we have a leading and supporting relationship but I found it difficult to step into that. This book helps to make it ok.
It does it in a way that isn’t typical Christian misogyny (I say this as a strong Christian) and it also is far from the “trad” movements. It helps to make this type of relationship as one of the many options available as to how a relationship should look.
I am learning a lot about our relationship and the challenges we’ve faced. Deep down I’ve always known that we have a leading and supporting relationship but I found it difficult to step into that. This book helps to make it ok.
It does it in a way that isn’t typical Christian misogyny (I say this as a strong Christian) and it also is far from the “trad” movements. It helps to make this type of relationship as one of the many options available as to how a relationship should look.
February 12, 2021
My husband and I had searched for a book to help our marriage. We read many books and were suggested many books. I found Chris Lyons on tiktok and finally found what we were looking for. This book was straight forward, informative, and easy for us to understand and implement - which is exactly what we needed to move forward with our new lifestyle together.
October 15, 2025
I feel like this book was written from a very cis-hetro, man in charge and dumb woman follow perspective. I feel it overgeneralized people's personalities, wants and dislikes on each side of the slash. If your family and friends are concerned over your relationship to the point you have to defend yourself as an s-type over your D(L)-types actions....the power exchange is probably not the problem.
March 23, 2024
Insightful, informative and inspiring:-)
April 27, 2016
Not worth the money
An exhaustive rehash of the obvious. Skip to the final chapter and cut your losses. Few books on this subject are so overrated.
An exhaustive rehash of the obvious. Skip to the final chapter and cut your losses. Few books on this subject are so overrated.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews