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113 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 12, 2013


It had seemed simple, at the time. No, she couldn’t go to the Bahamas, or anywhere else for that matter. But she could still take a vacation of sorts—a vacation from herself.
She’d raided her petty cash jar and gone shopping at someplace other than Target for once. Standing in front of the dressing room mirror, dolled up in clothes she would never have been caught dead in normally, she’d seen a flash of fire in her own eyes. All the resentment and stress had boiled over, and with it, her resolve had been set in place.
For one week—one blessed week—she’d be someone else. With no one around to watch her flail or to remark on her strange behavior, she could do anything, be whoever she pleased. The confident woman who took what she wanted.
The first time he’d seen Ellen, she’d been sitting on the edge of the fountain outside the lecture hall. It had been late spring, their freshman year. And she’d been so beautiful. So sexy and yet so removed from what was going on around her.
He’d hardly spoken a dozen words to her in the years since, but his first impressions had held true. She was serious and quiet, studious and demurring. Last night, though…last night she’d been a succubus in a short skirt, and with her brazenness, she’d brought out a side of him he barely recognized in himself. Just thinking about lifting her up onto her knees and taking her from behind like that…
….He found his contacts case exactly where he’d left it the night before, and with the same carefulness he’d used the first time, he got the clear circles into his eyes. He stared at himself again. His vision was sharper than it had ever been in glasses, but he still felt like he wasn’t really seeing himself—or the situation—clearly.
He still didn’t know what Ellen was doing.
All he knew was that he wanted to do it again. And again. And again.
God, but she’d almost killed him, clinging to him the way she had. A hundred times on the way home, he’d cursed himself for not taking them to her apartment and carrying her upstairs, driving into her right there on her entryway floor. She’d cleaved to him so tightly, pressed those hot hands to his abdomen in a way that made his skin scream out for more, more, more.
But three times was a pattern, and he’d seen a future he didn’t like spread out before him. If he’d given in and just taken her again, without ceremony or discussion, it would have doomed them. And wanting more wasn’t just about wanting her body.
He wanted the seductress in the high heels and short skirts, all right, the one that oozed sex and confidence. But he wanted the girl in the plain sweaters with the loose waves that fell over her face, too. The one that hid in the last row of the lecture hall but who always knew the answers. The one that dissected a pig all by herself, looking kissable even in a rubber apron and goggles and gloves.
He wanted her to want more than a fuck from him. He wanted her to remember him. To know him.
And this was his chance—his chance to prove to her that he was worth more.
He picked up his butter knife and seesawed it back and forth across his knuckles. “I majored in chemistry. It’s a good choice for pre-med anyway, and I just…like it. One of the professors kind of took me under his wing and stuff, and I’ve been working in his lab. It’s…nice. Less memorizing, more math. No patients or worrying about who you’re going to kill that day. More my speed, you know?”
“So why don’t you do that?”
And in that moment, he honestly didn’t know.
He forced the shutters back down, though, and gave a tight-lipped smile. “It’s complicated. Anyway.” Josh flipped the knife over to catch it in his palm. “That’s my what and my why. Why do you want to be a doctor?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve just always wanted to help people, and science always came easy for me. The money would be nice, too.”
The way her forehead crinkled, he guessed the money wasn’t a small part of the equation. Sticking to her story, he asked, “Is that why you’re at the diner? To save up for school?”
“Pretty much.”