Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

by Rachel Reiland

Borderline personality disorder. “What in the hell was that?” raged Rachel Reiland after discovering the term on her discharge papers from the hospital psychiatric ward. As the twenty-nine-year-old accountant, wife, and mother of young children would soon learn, borderline personality disorder (BPD) was the diagnosis that finally explained her explosive anger, manipulative behaviors, and self-destructive bent, including devastating episodes of substance abuse, anorexia, and sexual promiscuity.



With astonishing honesty, Reiland reveals what mental illness feels like and looks like from the inside. Her story is horrifying, but in the end, hopeful—offering living proof that healing from this tenacious psychiatric disorder is possible through intensive therapy and the support of loved ones.

Genres: Psychology, Mental Health, Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Illness, Biography, Self Help

10 pages, Audio CD

First published June 1, 2002

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 4 out of 5]

I keep revising this review. I didn't realise the book had such an affect on me. How can you tell if someone has borderline personality disorder or they are just plain nasty, as I read in A Concise Guide to Personality Disorders? Or perhaps it is that everyone manipulative and nasty does have it?

This is why I love the author, she did have it as a disorder, she lays it all out from the journals she kept, not from selective memories. The book is enlightening, I'm sure she came out the other side permanently she was so willing to work to change themselves, which is great strength of character I'm going to up the rating to 4 star.

The author wrote the book from the 1,000 page journal she kept of her progress through therapy and it is only on reflection you see through the madness to the woman suffering terribly from Borderline Personality Disorder. She wavered between pyschosis and neurosis. Between floridly mad and uncontrollably moody. Did she come through? Yes. She's a sweetheart and I love her for not attempting to show herself in a good light, but a rather a true one. Since her disorder made her very nasty, that took some guts. 4 stars.

Notes on Reading This is self-indulgent and harsh. It is repetitive, full of cursing, nastiness and rage. Rachel Reiland was a mess. I'm not sure of her motives for writing the book. Was it because she could write and writing about her mental illness was a good project, might even make money. Did she write it altruistically so that we could all know just how awful it is to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder? Or was it part of the illness - all the rage and vileness on a page rather than in a person's face?

Rewritten April 21st 2020
Read Nov 6-10, 2015

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought about not putting this on my reviews, because my penchant for mental health recovery memoirs is getting embarrassing, but -- this one was really good. Not falling into the fallacy of the "moment I was saved" nor falling into the "but I was a victim of my bad brain chemistry/ abusive childhood," Reiland narrates rather unemotionally what it takes to get from crazy to sane. In her case what it took was a loving, patient partner, a committed, ethical therapist who didn't buy into the health insurance industry's "20 sessions and then you're sane" rule, a community of people around her (sympathetic priests, a church choir, and a softball team all make contributions to Reiland's recovery). And most importantly, as Reiland stresses again and again, it takes commitment from the crazy person herself. She's very clear-eyed in distinguishing between the moments when she wanted to wallow in her sickness, and the decision she had to make every day that she was going to get better. Not one time, but the same decision every single day for four or five years.

This is perhaps the best memoir of this genre I have read for demonstrating that discipline is needed for full recovery from mental illness -- but also for carefully pointing out that what most people think of as "discipline" -- pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, "behaving," punishing yourself for misdeeds -- is actually a part of mental illness. In this book, real and healthy discipline always emerges as a part of one's membership in a community that really loves and values you.

[Doan Huong · Rating 5 out of 5]

“What is it like to have Borderline Personality Disorder?” It is like having a different person inside you whom you have subconsciously neglected for a long time.

It is true that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It is true that I have been gone through what Rachel had suffered: self-destructive thoughts and actions, depression, abuse, manipulation, black and white thinking, hatred, and disintegrated personality. Tiredness, emptiness, chaos, and intense passion, I’ve had them all.

However, I am not fortunate like Rachel. She has her own loving husband and beautiful children; she also had a caring psychiatrist. Meanwhile, I only have her book as my own therapy.

I’ve realized so many meaningful lessons through the book. I’ve learned to accept myself, learned to forgive people who never apologize, learned to feel calm and peaceful. I cannot love myself totally right now, yet I know I will keep trying.

There is one more thing I’ve learned through the book. Borderline Personality Disorder or any other Personality Disorder should not define you. You are much more than that. You are a precious, independent human being. So, don’t let your mental illness label you, ok?

[tee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I guess this is why there aren't many memoirs written on Borderline Personality Disorder. This book was hard to read; Reiland being entirely unlikeable and frustrating for the majority of it. However, it was written fairly well and it did end on an uplifting and inspiring note.

Besides Reiland constantly pissing me off which began in the first quarter of the book when her therapist "threatened" to send her to a state psych ward and she in turn wrote a horrid little paragraph of how rotten that would be; to be locked up with the real crazies; the junkies and homeless people. Ew! So there's a lot of upper middle class privilege, a decent amount of homophobic slurring - she likes to call her therapist a faggot and a pansy (and every variation thereof, which granted is based on issues relating to her father, but still, it's grating and lady, you have BPD not fucking tourettes) and some frustrating shit relating to gender social constructs (so much confusion relating to her own childhood and then her children's).

So, thoroughly self-indulgent and her petulant, stroppy tantrums almost got the better of me but I thought I'd persevere. I'm not sure whether it's Reiland herself, or her being someone with BPD (though I loathe labels) but it simply wasn't the easiest book to read. I'm not sure if it could have been cut down, it felt long and tedious - theres a hell of a lot of therapy talk (and not much back history whatsoever). In hindsight, I guess most of it was necessary to give a complete picture of BPD. Complex, just like BPD itself.

[Kristi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dreadful. Don't read this if you have BPD or know someone who does. The author sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder as well as BPD and her behaviour is extreme - not like the 'average' borderline. The so called therapy she describes as well is very old fashioned and dated so I feel this could be dangerous to people trying to get help with the disorder. It also perpetuates the myth that BOD sufferers are awful people which is very harmful, I wish this book could be taken off the market. I threw mine in the bin so no one else would read it.

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Among the ideas from this book that are likely to stay with me:

"For all these years, you’ve lived under the illusion that, somehow, you made it because you were tough enough to overpower the abuse, the hatred, the hard knocks of life. But really you made it because love is so powerful that tiny little doses of it are enough to overcome the pain of the worst things life can dish out. Toughness was a faulty coping mechanism you devised to get by. But, in reality, it has been your ability to never give up, to keep seeking love, and your resourcefulness to make that love last long enough to sustain you. That’s what has gotten you by.” From Chapter 11.

"You survived by seizing every tiny drop of love your could find anywhere and milking it, relishing it, for all it was worth. Your parents weren't all hate or all abuse. There were tender moments, whether or not you choose to remember them now. There were those moments, however brief, when you felt safe. You felt loved, and you savored every minute of it and held it closest to your heart. And as you grew up, you sought love anywhere you could find it, whether it was a teacher or a coach or a friend or a friend's parents. You sought those tiny droplets of love, basking in them when you found them. They are what sustained you." From Chapter 11.

[Erica · Rating 2 out of 5]

This memoir is less about BPD than it is the narrator's weird obsessive relationship with her therapist. Not recommended.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was probably the best book I have ever read on Borderline Personality Disorder. Told from the perspective of someone diagnosed with it, it did not pull any punches and gave a very honest, revealing look at what the disorder is like for the sufferer and for those around him/her. Best of all, it went into great detail about the relationship between therapist and patient that eventually led to the CURE. BPD is commonly called the "garbage ground" of psychiatric disorders - professionals do not want sufferers as patients because of their all-consumingness and recovery seems like a pipedream. This book goes a long way in reassuring both camps that BPD can be erradicated. It's not easy or pretty but it can happen.

[Kylie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I might like this book better if I didn't think it was a completely made-up piece of propaganda written by a psychiatrist shilling for his particular brand of treatment for borderline personality disorder.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book having been recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder myself. To begin with, I was honestly unsure whether I wanted to read it, incase it made me feel worse about my diagnosis. However, since it was about someone's "recovery", I thought that it would be worth reading, in the hope it may inspire me.

For the first 300 pages or so, I didn't like it. It was one of those books that I didn't want to continue reading, but I couldn't put down. I couldn't bear to think that this could possibly be my future, or that I currently behave in ways that Rachel did. It really depressed me.

However, things began to turn around for Rachel, and this gave me so much inspiration. Her situation was worse than mine, and she managed to make a life for herself. She made it out the other side. If she can do it, so can I.

I think that this book gives a very accurate, and explicit insight into the complicated world of someone with BPD. If a loved one suffers from it, I would recommend you read this - it really lets you see what they are dealing with, and that may make it easier to deal with. If you suffer from BPD, I also think that it's a good read, however, be careful. It could potentially be triggering, and at the beginning, you'll probably wonder why you're reading it, but please, persevere. It will give you hope, I promise.

This is probably one of the favourite books I've ever read.

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can't believe why there isn't too much criticism to this book, as having BPD myself, this is painful to read.

First of all, the title, "My RECOVERY from BPD"? I'm pretty damn sure people with BPD can't possibly "recover" from it, it's part of who we are and we somehow learn to live with it.

It is a memoir, but an awful one, through the entire book, it described how she coped her mental "problems" by going to mental hospital, talk to therapist and finally 'recover' from it, sorry this just seems like a bullshit to me.

Don't take me wrong, I don't doubt the authenticity of this book, I just think it was just a useless book which speak highly of therapist's effect. I personally don't believe in treatment like having meds and talk to therapist.

People without BPD might find this book intriguing because they don't really understand but as having a BPD myself, this book is a useless read.

[Jumanah · Rating 5 out of 5]

سيرة ذاتية لمصابة مسبقًا بإضطراب الشخصية الحدية، يُعد اضطراب الشخصية الحدية اضطرابًا في الصحة العقلية يؤثر في طريقة تفكيرك في نفسك وشعورك بها وبالآخرين؛ مما يؤدي إلى مشاكل في مهام الحياة اليومية. ويتضمن مشاكل في نظرة الشخص لنفسه، وصعوبة في السيطرة على المشاعر والسلوك، واضطراب العلاقات بشكل متكرر (Mayo Clinic)، ورحلة علاجها مع طبيبها النفسي.
السيرة مكتوبة بشفافية عاطفية ودقة من حيث تحليل الطبيب وربما هذا افضل مافي الكتاب: تحليل طبيبها لحالتها مما يؤكد على القارئ أهمية التربية المرنة والحب الغير مشروط.
تربيتها كانت القاسية، المدرسة الكاثوليكية التي درست فيها كانت شديدة، إضافةً إلى أفكار والدها الذكورية أدى إلى خلط مفاهيم القوة وكراهية الأنوثة وتجزئة شخصيتها .. كل هذه الأمور كونت بيئة خصبة لنمو إضطراب الشخصية.
أهم ما يستنتجه القارئ أن تخطي احداث الطفولة القاسية صعبة جدًا، أمراض النفس ليست أقل حدة من امراض الجسد ويجب على من يعاني نفسيًا أن يراجع طبيب، سند الآخرين لك ليس عيبًا، تحمل المرض دون علاج عذاب وليس قوة، والمريض الواعي بنفسه لا يكرر أخطاء والديه على أبنائه.

[Cindy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Having completed this book, I am convinced that it was partially or wholly fabricated. Rachel Reiland lacks a personality and drive and comes across as a wooden vehicle for showcasing every symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder and the medications she tries. She is a vehicle to try to convince mentally ill people that they either don't need medication or that medication is an easy step to take. She is a tool meant to assuage families that their loved one won't be a burden forever. She tells people with BPD that their illness is practically psychosomatic and can be cured if they just open their eyes and look around them. This is offensive, and I can't believe it was published.

[Kellie Korte · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love memoirs about mental illness.. just not this one. I found it repetitive and predictable. Painful to get through- unfortunately, this book was not at all what I expected. If I wasn't so determined to end what I start, I would have put this book down days ago.

[TJL · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF ~25%

I... Am weirdly uncomfortable with this book.

It's an autobiography and therefore is someone recounting intensely personal events, so I hesitate to suggest that any of it is fabricated or misrepresented, but that is a hazard of this writing type: You can't always rely on the narrator to be objective or truthful.

The relationship with her therapist, in this book, is kind of weird. There's some things the therapist says in this recount that seem weirdly inappropriate (like, when he's first assessing her he does this big speech telling her exactly what's wrong with her, and one of those things is that she's "trying to be a man" or something similar) and I can't tell if that's simply the standard of BPD treatment was back in the day (the book was published in 2002, so I'm assuming her "recovery" took place in the 1990s) or if perhaps the author was misremembering or misrepresenting what was said.

Like... The bit with her being a diamond in the dirt during one of her first therapy - again, there's that kind of uncomfortable feeling of like, "I feel this is not the way a therapist speaks (or SHOULD be speaking) to a patient". Or the fact that, again, the first two or so times that he met her, he gives this huge speech that basically says "I know EXACTLY what's wrong with you". It sounds idealized. It sounds like something people WANT a therapist to say to them rather than something a lot of therapists would actually just go ahead and say, because of professionalism and boundaries and such.

IDK. I honestly can't tell if this was something with the author misquoting/misremembering, or if the psychiatrist maybe occasionally did/said things that perhaps tested the boundaries of what's appropriate between a patient and doctor.

Apart from that, the writing is... Not great. Very repetitive. I feel like this book could have been slimmed down by a hundred pages or more and not suffered for it.

[Phoenix Perpetuale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Get Me Out Of Here by Rachel Reiland, an Audible release narrated by Mazhar Marno is an excellent novel. It gives an awareness of emotions that occur in a person living with Borderline personality disorder. Rage, anger overwhelm such a person.
As a GP, I have come across BPD patients during my practice. Unfortunately, that person was unable to work or do any general duties. Regardless of my experience, I am grateful for this book as it gave me an insight into a personal journey from a critical BPD state to recovery. An excellent psychiatrist was a key to recovery, with a three-time counselling session a week for a couple of years. The sessions were gradually lessened to once a week and later on a final goodbye.
There is no instant cure, but there is hope. Hope for recovery. Sadly, not everyone can afford this treatment.

[Janet Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Get Me Out of Here is a brilliantly written book about Rachel Reiland's struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. Reiland does a great job of verbally expressing the pain and anger that this disorder caused her, as well as helping to explain why she developed the disorder (her childhood experiences). Some may be shocked by the intensity of her anger and outbursts, but one must keep in mind that these outbursts are just a sign of her problems with BPD. She was lucky that she had an understanding husband and a very patient psychiatrist. A lot of patients with this disorder aren't as lucky as she and end up being dumped by either their family or their therapist or both.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have so many mixed feelings about this book. Of course I found it hard to read because I suffer from BPD myself and this book was written from the perspective of a person that had a lot of anger issues and suffered a lot of trauma in her childhood. There was a lot of similar content for me and that is why it took a little bit longer to read, but I did come out with this gleaming bit of wisdom : IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO HELP A PERSON WHEN THEY ARE DOWN AND IN NEED, ESPECIALLY WHEN SUFFERING FROM MENTAL ILLNESS. Reiland was super lucky to have the amount of support and the support systems that she had. Most people have half of what she had or much less. Her husband stuck by her through thick and thin, she had people in her church that didn't judge her but just helped her with her kids or sent home care package meals, her pastor was an ear in times of need, and most importantly she had a very devoted psychiatrist that was very dedicated to helping her with her recovery and her treatment. He made it clear that it was going to be a long hard process and that it was going to take a lot of work, and more importantly, that he would not give up on her. The fact that Reiland's psychiatrist was so invested really meant a lot to me because I know what it feels like to have doctors and people on your 'team' that feel once you have a diagnosis of bpd that you are lost cause. I have been with my therapist for over 5 years now and she has been a life line like no other. She has helped me through many of my addictions, she has helped me overcome violent tendencies and we are currently working on positive relationships and boundaries as well as other skills within the dbt realm. I wasn't the most keen on the fact that religion ended up helping Reiland a lot but that is not my choice, I do not believe in God. If it worked for her than I am happy that she was able to get some comfort from that.

I will say that the major disappointment of the book is that after you have read it you find out that Rachel Reiland is a pseudonym. I realize that she probably had to use a false name because some of the things she wrote about could have gotten her in big trouble but it's almost like she has duped the reader. She has told you all these dark and deep secrets about her life, some of them crushing and probably hard to even put down on paper and then she hides behind a fake name. That to me is the ultimate deception. When writing a memoir like this you need to be able to own the shit that you have been through, and one of the ways that I see someone doing that is by putting their name on their work. So even though "Rachel Reiland" didn't own her dirty laundry there is some great one liners that can be taken from reading this book. It may be a painful or informative read, depending what perspective you are reading it from but it sure is an eye opener on BPD, and there is not enough accounts of what BPD is like so it is great to see more people telling their stories.

[Christine Olson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Realistic, hopeful, compassionate, and validating....Good read for anyone who has loved and/or lived with someone who struggles with Borderline PD inclinations or anybody who has BPD. Its autobiographical nature prompted me to feel more empathic for (and forgiving of) those with BPD, but alsomade me more keenly aware of the need for establishing clear limits or boundaries as a means of establishing healthy, enduring connections with family members, friends and co-workers who have BPD tendencies. The book is long (440+ pages), but hard to put down.

P.S. The 5-star rating is intended for readers who have either suffered with BPD or people who have known loved ones with BPB--just because is is so validating. These readers will really "get" the irrational nature--and all of the associated frustration, confusion, and anguish--- of the disorder. I would probably give a 4-star rating for readers who have, to date, only an abstract or "book-learning" appreciation of BPD--just because it may seem rather lengthy and drawn out to these readers. Nonetheless, I believe this is an extremely valuable resource to obtain a "first-hand" understanding of BPD---a way to understand it in a personal vs. DSM category way.

[Empress · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 | No Spoilers

The following quote is from the epilogue of the book and it speaks about it in general terms.

            Tempting as it may be to draw one conclusion or another from my story and universalize it to apply to another's experience, it is not my intention for my book to be seen as some sort of cookie-cutter approach and explanation of mental illness, It is not ab advocacy of any particular form of therapy over another. Nor is it meant to take sides in the legitimate and necessary debate within the mental health profession if which treatments are most effective for this or any other mental illness.
            What it is, I hope, is a way for readers to get a true feel for what it's like to be in the grips of mental illness and what it's like to strive for recovery.

How I reacted to the book: I laughed out loud and cried a lot, often on the same page.

What this books is about: It's a personal journey. This is THE most honest books I've ever read. The authors reveals her inner life, thoughts and feelings to us COMPLETELY. Some people would prefer to get naked before share the things she did.

In the beginning of the book, she tells about the turmoil she experiences not knowing she has a mental problem. She reveals the childish and ugly side of her. While for me it is very easy to understand why she reacts the way she does and what she actually feels, I wonder if people that are not familiar with mental health issues can understand this part of the book, or they would just think: "Why is she acting like that? She doesn't have an excuse!"

The only part that was TOO much for me was at the end, her endless expression of love and gratitude toward her Therapist.

I recently watched a BRILLIANT documentary on BPD on Youtube, and in this video clip they said:

            Manipulation is when you consciously try to get someone to do something for you, without them knowing that you actually got them to do it. These individuals very rarely have the end of personal skills to figure out how to get you to do things in an non-obtrusive way.

I think BPD people are highly misunderstood, because of their emotional underdevelopment.

EDIT: This is an experiment how abused children bond with their parents more. It's from this book:

Some scientists were conducting an experiment, he said, trying to gauge the impact of abuse on children. Ducks, like people, develop bonds between mother and young. They call it imprinting. So the scientists set out to test how that imprint bond would be affected by abuse.

The control group was a real mother duck and her ducklings. For the experimental group, the scientist used a mechanical duck they had created - feathers, sound, and all - which would, at timed intervals, peck the ducklings with its mechanical beak. A painful peck, one a real duck would not give.

They varied these groups. Each group was pecked with a different level of frequency. And then they watched the ducklings grow and imprint bond with their mother.

Over time, he went on, the ducklings in the control group would waddle along behind their mother. But as they grew, there would be more distance between them. They'd wander and explore.

The ducklings with the pecking mechanical mother, though, followed much more closely. Even the scientists were stunned to discover that the group that bonded and followed most closely was the one that had been pecked repeatedly with the greatest frequency. The more the ducklings were pecked and abused, the more closely they followed. The scientist repeated the experiment and got the same results.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't really know how to put my thoughts into words for this review.

So I'll just start by saying that this is an Autobiography that is obviously about Rachel Reiland however, it isn't just about her life. It is about her being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is about her journey as she dealt with the disorder and managed to get help for the disorder and move past it.

I picked this up purely for my Abnormal Psychology course because I need to write a paper on an autobiography and I just happened to take up an interest in BPD recently and that is how I stumbled upon her story. I couldn't be more grateful.

I have never read an autobiography, and I was not expecting to be so moved and touched by everything that happened in this book. I was though and I can't really describe it. Just I could relate to a lot of the things that Rachel struggled with, it's not that I have BPD myself I just have some similar experiences in my own life so it was easy to relate to her on some levels.

I was also just in general touched by the love she has for her family and for her husband and children and Dr. Padgett. It made me cry several times because it was just so genuine and having gone through this book, through this four-year journey with her... I felt and understood how deep some of her emotions ran and it just sincerely moved me.

I will say that though this book is very clearly about BPD it also deals with themes of abuse and eating disorders and depression as well. It dealt with suicidal thoughts and so many heavy topics; it was hard to go through this story, HER story and not relate in some way. It was hard to not get attached, it was hard to not be affected. I got so deep into her story and her life that I mourned the ending of this book...I really find it indescribable. I mean I can't summarize her life or speak on it...you'll just have to trust me when I say this book has impacted me and I admire Rachel so much.

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this to be a very compelling memoir by a woman who had successful therapy for borderline personality disorder, a disorder that is frequently stigmatized and thought to be "untreatable." As someone training to be a clinical psychologist--but largely unfamilar with BPD--I found this a very good book from which to learn more about the disorder in general and about a particularly powerful therapeutic relationship between Rachel and her therapist.

[Meno · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating story about the years long struggle to overcome Borderline Personality Disorder. A case study for the validity of Attachment Theory.

[Sara Tran · Rating 1 out of 5]

Extremely repetitive and very boring. I couldnt even get halfway through the book before I quit. I love reading books of mental illnesses and this one has to be one of the worst Ive ever read.

[Scot Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent, nuanced presentation of one person's experience with borderline personality disorder and her long recovery with the help of a skilled psychiatrist. If you are at all interested in mental disorders or have a friend, family member, coworker, or acquaintance who has borderline personality disorder, I highly recommend reading this book to gain a more nuanced understanding of the disorder and hopefully greater empathy for those who suffer from it.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately there was a gap between my reading this on a long, half-focused plane ride and my managing to find the time to sit down and write a review. Also regrettably, there was an even longer gap between my reading of this book and my reading of The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating, which would have been a great compare-and-contrast. Like Kiera Van Gelder, Rachel Reiland writes a raw account of her gradually transformed inner world as a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) who begins to reinvent herself and her ways of relating to others through therapy. Whereas Kiera Van Gelder received Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a structured, research-supported program specifically designed to address BPD's particular constellation of difficulties, Reiland spent years working with a psychoanalytic therapist who saw her three times a week and spent a great deal of time delving into her past and working through transference issues. To my understanding psychoanalytic psychotherapy is considered by many to be passe and lacking in empirical support, but it seems to have worked for Rachel. It was a long and arduous process, though, and reading this book often felt long as well.

It's always difficult to know with memoirists how accurately they're recalling events, especially when it comes to detailed dialogues. And of course, memoirists by definition are telling the story from their own perspective and are unreliable narrators. I was curious how the book would have read if it had been written by her incredibly supportive husband or her therapist. Or by any of her family members, who are depicted as supremely dysfunctional. Sufferers of BPD by definition often have skewed views of their relationships and of those around them, which casts another layer of doubt, although Reiland did a decent job of showing the reader the way that her mind often twisted her perceptions of those around her.

Although this book wasn't exactly enjoyable to read, it was certainly informative to spend time in the head of a sufferer of BPD and experience, together with her, the intense emotional roller coaster that divided her from those around her. It was also interesting to contemplate her relationship with her therapist, who sometimes seemed to be feeding into her dependence on him but ultimately seems to have been effective in helping her tame her demons. This book would be great to discuss with a group of mental health professionals with experience treating BPD, especially in comparison with The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating.

[Hannah W · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mental health memoirs have been one of my favourite (sub?) genres for at least a decade now, but this is only the second I have read that specifically addresses Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’ve always been more than a little cynical about whether mental health diag-nonsenses (to paraphrase Girl, Interrupted, which is of course the other book I have read on BPD) are nothing but a label for a set of symptoms – after all, unless you can pinpoint a condition as having one underlying cause, how do you know which aspects are due to that “malady” and which are separate? BPD seems particularly problematic in this regard, as even a large UK mental health charity describe it on their page as “one of many personality disorders listed in the manuals used by doctors when they are giving someone a psychiatric diagnosis”, which seems like a polite way of saying “it’s the title of a checklist someone wrote”. I don’t doubt for a moment that the symptoms that come under the heading of BPD are very real and distressing for those who experience them, and that some find comfort in putting a name to their patterns of thinking and emoting (which could in turn lead to people feeling less isolated in those feelings, and/or to accessing treatment), but I do wonder if such labels are both too broad and too narrow to helpfully represent the spectrum of human behaviour and emotions. One of the reasons I find mental health so interesting is that it is such a difficult concept to define (Thomas Szasz explains this better than me); and if defining it itself is difficult, then what about treatment, how does one even begin to tackle that (nevermind the question of whether “treatment” or “cure” are even appropriate terms to use in this scenario)? Talking therapies and drugs are what (most Western) people put their faith in when seeking a “cure”, and are what Rachel Reiland focuses on in Get Me Out Of Here.

Read my full review on my book blog, here.

[Diane Yannick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir, written under an alias, is a great account of living with Borderline Personality Disorder. The narrative flows smoothly and the honesty of the author is commendable. She does not shy away from her suicidal ideations, bed-wetting episodes, sexual struggles, anorexia, or her personally shame-inducing behaviors as a mother, wife and daughter. She gives us insight into how she tore down her life in order to rebuild it.

Growing up with abusive family members contributed to her feelings of abandonment and her very poor self image. Her behaviors were destructive to herself and those who loved her--especially her supportive husband Tim and her two children. (She does have another child once her treatment concludes.)

Although she does not mean this as a template for BPD recovery, her four years of intense psychiatric counseling with Dr. Padgett has allowed her to function as a well-adjusted lady for the past 8 years. Her 'obstinate agnosticism' seems to have flowed into a strong belief in God's goodness. She can now shift her focus from self back to her family, job and community.

She had some benefits that many people with BPD (or any other mental illness)
don't have. Tim was amazingly loving and forgiving. He picked up the financial and child care loads with barely a hiccup, or so it seemed. Her therapist was also amazing, always ready to help her find her own inner strength regardless of how much she lashed out at him. His guidance was patient, accepting and so very wise. At one point he said to 'Rachel' ..."you made it because love is so powerful that tiny doses of it are powerful enough to overcome the pain of the worst things life can dish out. Toughness was a faulty coping mechanism you devised to get by." That said, most people can't afford to pay $360/week for psychiatric care, no matter how great it is.

Most importantly, Rachel had the will power to keep going back to work on herself. She didn't quit, ever. Although the statistics for recovery from BPD are grim, this articulate account of one woman's struggles and success should bring hope.

[Gabriel Avocado · Rating 5 out of 5]

if you have borderline personality disorder, pick this book up now. you need this. this is the book youve been looking for. this is it. the journey from start to definitive finish. not all of us will have a happy ending like rachel. but reading this now has given me some fresh hope, knowing that it IS possible, that this is not a death sentence, that this is not a cancer in remission, that it has a beginning and that there can be an actual end to it all.

this book is emotional. it doesnt hold back, not at all. rachel exposes the deepest corners of her psyche, her fears, her desires, her wants, her erratic and even abusive behavior--everything is in this book. and while it was at times comforting to read about someone like me, i have to admit that most of the time it was quite chilling.

rachel doesnt talk about her positive qualities in the beginning of the book but as you go on you realize that she isnt an entirely evil individual (something that she herself, thankfully, discovers years later). its truly comforting to see how she progressed and her mental setbacks, her victories, her passions.

maybe, to a non borderline, it seems like rachel was really exaggerating, that no one on earth could be this acerbic and cruel and lack total self awareness. but i assure you that it isnt an act.

[Jeannie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very heartfelt and deeply personally written book. I struggled through the middle of it though, it felt like she wasn't making any progress and I found that painful. This is probably the best book I've ever read on Borderline Personality Disorder. I found it fascinating, scary and enlightening all at the same time.