The Monitors

by Keith Laumer

A Voice From the Sky

Even after the set had been turned off, the T.V. blared the announcement: "Citizens of Earth, I am Tersh Jetterax. It is my pleasure to announce to you that a new government has now taken over the conduct of all public affairs."

And thus the U.S. was in the hands of the Monitors, the strangely polite yellow clad bings whose powers were such that they could render everyone helpless -- without shedding one drop of blood. Who were they? The Russians? An alien race from another planet?

Genres: Science Fiction, Science Fiction Fantasy

160 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1966

About the author

John Keith Laumer was an American science fiction author. Prior to becoming a full-time writer, he was an officer in the U.S. Air Force and a U.S. diplomat. His brother March Laumer was also a writer, known for his adult reinterpretations of the Land of Oz (also mentioned in Keith's The Other Side of Time).

Keith Laumer (aka J.K Laumer, J. Keith Laumer) is best known for his Bolo stories and his satirical Retief series. The former chronicles the evolution of juggernaut-sized tanks that eventually become self-aware through the constant improvement resulting from centuries of intermittent warfare against various alien races. The latter deals with the adventures of a cynical spacefaring diplomat who constantly has to overcome the red-tape-infused failures of people with names like Ambassador Grossblunder. The Retief stories were greatly influenced by Laumer's earlier career in the United States Foreign Service. In an interview with Paul Walker of Luna Monthly, Laumer states "I had no shortage of iniquitous memories of the Foreign Service."

Four of his shorter works received Hugo or Nebula Award nominations (one of them, "In the Queue", received nominations for both) and his novel A Plague of Demons was nominated for the Nebula Award for Best Novel in 1966.

During the peak years of 1959–1971, Laumer was a prolific science fiction writer, with his novels tending to follow one of two patterns: fast-paced, straight adventures in time and space, with an emphasis on lone-wolf, latent superman protagonists, self-sacrifice and transcendence or, broad comedies, sometimes of the over-the-top variety.

In 1971, Laumer suffered a stroke while working on the novel The Ultimax Man. As a result, he was unable to write for a few years. As he explained in an interview with Charles Platt published in The Dream Makers (1987), he refused to accept the doctors' diagnosis. He came up with an alternative explanation and developed an alternative (and very painful) treatment program. Although he was unable to write in the early 1970s, he had a number of books which were in the pipeline at the time of the stroke published during that time.

In the mid-1970s, Laumer partially recovered from the stroke and resumed writing. However, the quality of his work suffered and his career declined (Piers Anthony, How Precious Was That While, 2002). In later years Laumer also reused scenarios and characters from his earlier works to create "new" books, which some critics felt was to their detriment:

Alas, Retief to the Rescue doesn't seem so much like a new Retief novel, but a kind of Cuisnart mélange of past books.

-- Somtow Sucharitkul (Washington Post, Mar 27, 1983. p. BW11)

His Bolo creations were popular enough that other authors have written standalone science-fiction novels about them.

Laumer was also a model airplane enthusiast, and published two dozen designs between 1956 and 1962 in the U.S. magazines Air Trails, Model Airplane News and Flying Models, as well as the British magazine Aero Modeler. He published one book on the subject, How to Design and Build Flying Models in 1960. His later designs were mostly gas-powered free flight planes, and had a whimsical charm with names to match, like the "Twin Lizzie" and the "Lulla-Bi". His designs are still being revisited, reinvented and built today.

Reviews

[Tentatively, Convenience · Rating 4 out of 5]

review of
Keith Laumer's The Monitors
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - June 26, 2013

How many people start off their day w/ the intention of writing 3 reviews of SF novels written in the '60s by one author? Knowing that there's no pay involved, knowing that money is going to be very scarce in their life very soon. & listening to the music of Arthur Berger & Edward Burlingame Hill on a CBS Special Service Records Collectors', Modern American Music, Series. Only a fool, someone might say. Only a scholar, someone else might say. Whatevs, as my friend etta cetera might say.

The Monitors main character starts off pretty ambiguous as far as heroic qualities or clarity of thinking goes. That seems to characterize all the Laumer heros I've read stories of so far - I reckon this is Laumer's 'realism'. Nonetheless, Blondel manages to be a sympathetic character for me immediately: ""Just squeeze me one out of the bar rag, Harry." Blondel slid onto a stool as far as possible from the sound of the telly. "That's all the budget allows for at the moment."" (p 6) Broke & hating TV - my kinda guy. Alas, today's a day when the TV will keep on keepin' on.. no matter whether it's turned off or not:

""Attention, a strong he-man voice said from the TV. "Your attention, please! An announcement of vital importance will be made in five minutes. All persons are requested to go at once to a radio or television set and stand by. Attention! An announcement of vital importance . . ."

"There were echoes from outside; the voice was coming in strongly on a distant PA system. harry reached for the volume, turned it down—but the voice continued loud and clear. harry flipped the set off; there was a click. But the Voice kept: ". . . stand by! An announcement of vital importance . . ." - p 7

The stage is set for the way people's biases will influence their perception of an invasion from another planet. The main character might just be annoyed by the initial manifestation as more shit-from-the-tv. Later characters might not even notice it or might think of it as the commies or the republicans. The invaders, "The Monitors", question Blondel's kneejerk rejection of the invaders' replacement of existing government, etc..:

""Be candid, Mr. Blondel. Can you in conscience support a system which levies arrest quotas on uneducated and underpaid factota who busy themselves by subjecting you to embarrassment, inconvenience, discourtesy, detention and twenty-dollar fines for merely slowing to two miles per hour instead of coming to a full stop when crossing a deserted intersection—an intersection built with your tax money—while the theft of your bicycle or the rifling of your home by burglars goes uncorrected, nine times out of ten?"" - p 32

Blondel accuses the invaders of planning to enforce labor:

""Slave labor camps, eh?"

"Frokinil tsked impatiently. "Mr. Blondel, can't you rid your mind of these grotesque stereotypes? Surely you're too rational a man to be governed by mystical allegiances to symbols that are violated daily, publicly, without so much as a blush!" - p 36

&, indeed, the invaders are very persuasive & use examples that resonate w/ my own personal experience. Stereotypes being a pet peeve of mine that've lowered the quality of my life throughout it. & then there's the mindless worship of symbols:

"[..] obviously an elementary school room, with cut-outs of witches and pumpkins pasted on the windows, and rows of children with faces as bright as toy lanterns sitting with their hands folded, chanting raggedly together:

"". . . one-nation-inavisable-with-liberty-and-justice-for-all."

""All right, you, Walter. I got my eye on you," a lumpy-bodied little woman with an untidy bun of gray hair said in a voice like a shutter on a haunted house. "You just set quiet today, or you'll be back down to Mr. Funder's office quicker'n a nigger'll steal whiskey." - p 36

Ah.. I'm reminded of my own childhood when I started refusing, aged 9 or so, to stand & recite the pledge-of-allegiance anymore. Was I really that precocious of an anti-authoritarian? Probably - but I might've also been influenced by my parents's Republican distaste for JFK's presidency. & that tab of racism that's thrown in was meant to make Blondel wake up to the realities. But, still, persuasive as the invaders are about the dysfunctionality of the society that Blondel tries to defend, the invaders reference the "new order" (p 37) wch hearkens back to Hitler's lesser-know sequel to Mein Kamof, My New Order, & hearkens forward to President Reagan's "New World Order". As such, the reader is till uncertain whether the invaders are beneficial or bullshitting.

""Your institutions for these unfortunates are little more than zoos," Frokinil stated. "Those few capable of absorbing the skills of table waiting or fruit picking are released on society to make their own way, to breed freely, reinfecting the stock with their defective genes. Under the new system, they will receive appropriate training, and will carefully-controlled and supervised lives—without the opportunity of propagating their tragedies."

""Kind of tough on the free idiots of the world," Blondel noted." - pp 37-38

Yep, seems more than a little nazi to me. "Defective" is in the mind of the beholder. Frokinil of the invaders represents a position of justified hierarchy. Don't think I'll ever agree w/ that. Still, he makes his case very well otherwise:

"". . . owe the hospital for the last confinement, Mr. Orosco," the sharp-faced woman was saying. "If you can't make advance payment, you'll have to take her elsewhere."

""You goddam crazy, woman!" the man yelled. "Rachel's gonna have the baby right now, maybe in one minute! Where's a doctor?"" - p 38

Seem unrealistic to some of you? You probably have health insurance or live in a country w/ socialized health care. when I was in high school, there was a substitute teacher for one of my classes, an older German immigrant. She explained that her husband had died in the Emergency Room Waiting Room in an American hospital b/c the medical personnel refused to attend to him, despite his being in the midst of a heart attack, b/c e didn't have health insurance. & that was around the time this novel was written.

[Time to change the music to the CD version of Bonzo Dog Band's "Tadpoles"]

The Monitors cd be sd to be a satire.. but I'm inclined to think not.. satires usually have clear targets. The back cover of this edition calls this "even funnier than DR. STRANGELOVE" & that's a fair comparison except that STRANGELOVE is a clear parody of cold war paranoia while The Monitors covers a broader & vaguer spectrum of human behavior. There IS a tangential poke at US aid programs (perhaps à là what we'd now know as the World Bank or the IMF):

""What about our allies—Britain, Liberia, Tierra del Fuego?"

""You forgot Lebanon." Maxwell looked grave. "All occupied, it appears. None of them have cashed their first-of-the-month aid checks."

""This is really serious!" Blondel exclaimed." - p 53

As I pointed out in my review of The Great Time Machine Hoax ( http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15... ), "Crmblznski, by the by, is a recurring figure in Laumer's fiction - at least he's referred to on p 69 of The Monitors": "The physical actuality of their mutual attraction / repulsion syndrome—the death and rebirth cycle, as Crmblnsky put it". (p 69) &, yes, one spells the name w/ a "z" & an "i" & one w/ a "y" but I think the names are meant to be inter-referential, if not 'identical'.

The bks that I've read by Laumer so far have tended toward the sexual fantasies of straight boys. CHAPTER SIX here exemplifies this w/ its naked girl appearing in the hero's bed for immediate fornication. Few boys wd be likely to've ever believed in such a fantasy but, no doubt, many have probably enjoyed it.

It's common practice for Sf writers's works to be appraised in terms of how well the future is predicted. In The Monitors, the invaders bring exciting consumer goods: ""Perhaps you'd like to try one of our personalized earplug tape players," the clerk suggested. "Weighs two grams and plays nine hours of your favorite music without changing settings." (p 97) Well, not quite an iPod but close enuf for 1966.

In the end, what The Monitors scrutinizes more than anything else is the way humans hold onto old & bad habits regardless of how painfree the alternatives to them are offered:

""Doesn't the prospect of a spacious new apartment, comfortable and attractive clothing, improved health, greater intellectual vigor, and a meaningful role in the world's affairs attract you?"

""Nope."" - p 111

I even see shades of myself in these negative characterizations. Lesson learned?

[Gary Holt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This novel was not what I was expecting given the jacket summary or the cover. It's pure, hilarious, laugh-out-loud satire--reminiscent of his Retief stories, but in my opinion more funny throughout. (The Retief stories were often funny satire at the beginning, then turned into so-so action-adventures, then back into great satire.) Also unlike the Retief stories, The Monitors is about the United States--slightly dated, now, since it was written in 1966, but most of the stuff he's making fun of is still quite recognizable today. It's not Cold War satire, by any means; all the attitudes here are still abundant today, and there's hardly anything about the particular political situation of that time (unlike, say, Dr. Strangelove).

It's pretty much equal-opportunity satire--just about every group gets its comeuppance. Democrat, Republican, lowbrow worker, hippie, professor, postmodern academic (yes, in a book written in 1966), militaristic conservative, do-gooder social worker, 12-step program, evangelist, even organized criminal. All the types are there (and some stereotypes, too--it does feel a lot like classic SF literature in that respect).

It's a great premise: somebody bloodlessly takes over the entire world, begins fixing everything that is unjust and wrong, and we just can't tolerate it, but for a whole variety of inconsistent and venial reasons. The Monitors begin to realize they don't quite understand what humans really are like.

All the action is pretty much spoof, not serious drama (even more so than a James Bond movie or the Retief novels; it's closer to Get Smart, but satirical). The main character is not a super-spy or a typical action hero, just an alert out-of-work, ornery ordinary guy who's trying to help save the human race, but is repeatedly thwarted by the comical foibles of the various resistance movements he encounters, or else just the preposterousness of the situation. For example, in one episode, he is running all day from various Monitor patrols, trying to ferry secret documents to the resistance. The ever noble Monitors finally catch up to him, and in good-neighborly fashion hand him the papers which he accidentally dropped hours ago, saying they've been trying for hours to find him to give them back.

So this is not a novel where the plot is supposed to be taken at all seriously. It will not keep you on the edge of your seat with suspense. But it might make you fall out of your seat laughing.

[Jack Deighton · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh dear. The past really is a different country. This book has not worn at all well. I can see that in its day it was intended to be humorous but its humour is aimed at easy targets. It also displays just about every “ism” you could list. Racism, anti-semitism, sexism - as well as jibes about the Irish and Italians, while Hispanics are routinely dubbed “wetbacks” by the characters, many of whom are themselves out of central casting. It also panders to the “humanity is uniquely gifted” school (if in an outrageously obtuse way.) This is a pity because I had remembered the author’s “Retief” and “Worlds of the Imperium” stories with some nostalgia.

As to the plot: everyday life is interrupted one day by the television on a pub wall demanding attention for an “announcement of vital importance.” This is from “the Tersh Jetterax” to the citizens of Earth announcing a new regime has taken over. An indication of these invaders’ superior powers is that their broadcast is not prevented even when the television is turned off and then unplugged from the wall. The announcement is immediately followed by men in yellow uniforms disgorging from huge airship-like ships. These are the Monitors of the title, who from now on will regulate daily life and are able somehow to control humans’ behaviour if it is threatening or unco-operative. Among the other sour notes is one where viewpoint character Ace Blondel, under (totally non-violent) persuasion to accept the Monitors’ rule, is shown a classroom recording. During this scene a teacher warns a pupil, “you’ll be back down to Mr Funder’s office quicker’n a nigger’ll steal whiskey.”

Blondel manages to get himself away from the city but never fully from the Monitors. Every human he meets (most of whom are thick as mince) gets the wrong end of the stick of his conversational gambits, representations which rapidly become tedious, but Laumer has some fun with the typical bone-headed right-wing type response, as exemplified by self-styled General Blackwish, of attributing the invasion to “borscht-and-vodka-swilling” Reds. Some idea of the level of humour is given by organisations whose acronyms read as SCRAG and CHANCRE, while the introduction of Nelda Monroe seems included solely to provide a one-dimensional (and illustrative of sexist wish fulfillment) representation of insatiable womanhood. If this is humanity then the Monitors are profoundly better. At least Blondel seems to recognise this as - on behalf of humanity as a whole - he comes to an accomodation with them.

File under: well past its sell-by date.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was a teenager, years before cable TV, the local TV channels would play old movies all day during the weekend. Those "Flint' movies with James Coburn would show up now and then, old Hammer horror films, Doris Day - Rock Hudson movies, Jerry Lewis movies, Elvis movies, Godzilla, Westerns. All sorts of B movies. Every now and then they would play 'The Monitors', based on this book. I remember it as a very odd movie, though often very funny. I don't think I was old enough to really understand some of the humor and satire of the movie though, so I had been meaning to track down a copy of this book for some time.

Well 40 or so years later, I finally get around to reading the book that the movie was based on. It's a very funny book, as long as you read it as kind of a time capsule of the 60's. Lots of social commentary, lots of stereotyping, lots of slang of the time. If you know some history it would help with the enjoyment of the book. There's a hilarious scene involving some mafia characters towards the end that makes it worthwhile.

[Ian · Rating 3 out of 5]

I remember thinking Laumer's novels were pretty funny back when I was in high school, but even then I was aware that the Cold War politics that formed the basis for most of his satire might date them a bit upon revisiting. Well, the bad news is that, yeah, they do come off as rather dated, but on the other hand that gives them a sort of period charm that's hard to resist. This novel in particular (adapted into a cult film by a bunch of Second City vets in the 70s) fares better than most, and even seems accidentally prescient given the recent ubiquity of superhero movies, detailing as it does an invasion of the Earth by a race of Superman-like aliens who are just doing it for our own good.

[Al "Tank" · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another of Laumer's "everyone is dumber than a rock" books. It's his usual style, so if you're a Laumer fan, you won't be disappointed. The end is a surprise which was satisfying for me.

Worth a read if you can get hold of a copy.

[Muhammad Gibran Alfaro · Rating 4 out of 5]

THIS is the most awesome, yet hilarious, yet satirical, alien invasion novels I've ever read, from the creator of the kinda-popular Bolo and Retief series. (I haven't read both series unfortunately)

Here's the synopsis: Benevolent aliens appearing as handsome yellow-clad humans, called the "Monitors," come to Earth, led by the "Tersh" Jetterax, and takes over gov't, fixing what's wrong and begin to remodel cities; and our protag Ace Blondel doesn't like it. So after some times one of the Monitors (called Frokinil) indoctrinate Blondel he stumbles upon a hawkish rebel force; and yet he explores—with a Monitor and one of the rebels—a city once called Chicago, now remodeled and renamed into "Sapphire" by the Monitors... but after a public Monitorial campaign (where the attendees demanded "Where's my food?" "We need cars!!"; they did ban cars), he finds out that the Monitors are human looking because they implement an artificial disguise... (They look like some sort of seals) and decides to overthrow them, with the said group of rebels (and another rebel group)... And the ending surprised me. I thought the rebellion would succeed, but... read on, there's more behind the failure!

It's an awesome alien invasion story! Not only the aliens are indeed kind (but a bit paternalistic; they banned cars and seems to give humans some strange food), they are also altruistic: even though cities are rebuilt by them, and some other things... I really like this kind of alien invasion (not the mainstream apocalyptic one) and if it's real I would like to work with them.

I've almost given this novel 2 or 3 stars because of the hawkish rebels scenes. (I took them kinda seriously) But after reading the ending, I give it 4 stars.

Now I need to watch the late 60s movie based on this...

[Edward Fenner · Rating 2 out of 5]

The blurb at the back claims this is a "brilliant" new novel (for 1966). Nope. It also says it is "even funnier than DR. STRANGELOVE". It's not. Not even close. That said, it's an okay and somewhat amusing benevolent alien invasion story. The dialogue is often cornball - even for a farce or satire - but I'll let that slide. All in all, I'd rather read one of his Retief stories. Those were pretty good, as I recall. Apparently, it was made into a movie at some point. Who knew?

Note: I bought this 1966 paperback at a shop in Duncans Mills, California for $5.00.

[Mark Edlund · Rating 3 out of 5]

Science Fiction - OK, so this book was written in the 1960's so I tried to give it some leeway in the misogyny, the cardboard characters and the bizarre plot twists. However, having read Laumer before I give him the benefit of the doubt and say he is being sarcastic. The yellow-jacketed monitors land on Earth. Are they invading or saving. The general impression is that they are saving us from ourselves but an interesting turn is taken.
No Canadian or pharmacy references.

[James]

Even after the set had been turned off, the T. V. blared the announcement: ' Citizens of Earth, I am Tersh Jetterax. It is my pleasure to announce to you that a new government has now taken over the conduct of all public affairs.' And thus the US was in the hands of the Monitors, the strangely polite yellow clad beings whose powers were such that they could render everyone helpless -- without shedding one drop of blood! Who were they? The Russkies? An alien race from another planet?

[Nick · Rating 2 out of 5]

An attempt at humour and satire that’s more irritating than it is funny. Dripped in lazy writing, it's a borderline interesting relic of another time but one better left as pulp.

But it does make you appreciate good science fiction.

[Ethan.Levine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is definitely not about the Cold War!!! It’s all right, though it has some fun little moments. It kinda loses me near the middle end of the book. Along with the ending being kind of whatever but interesting idea I guess.

[Иосеф · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.75.
I liked it.

[Matthew Smonskey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Annoying and not funny throughout.

[Traummachine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was fairly typical for Laumer, but a little different. He wrote what you'd expect from 1960s action sci-fi -- lots of fight and chase scenes, stereotyping that is still occasionally funny, and an ever moving plot. Laumer wasn't big on character development, instead focusing on commentary on governments and the general population.

What was different this time around was the overlap in style with his Retief stories -- the "friends" of the good guys are as bad as the baddies. Aliens have invaded the Earth without a fight, but the forces of resistance are too busy double-crossing and agenda-pushing to be effective. As the book progresses, the aliens look better and better and the humans look worse and worse.

Overall, I think this would have been better as a short story. I wish that the wry sense of humor shown in the novel's finale would have been more obvious throughout. His old school stereotyping of feminism and his ugly portrayal of the human race grew tiring. The alien gadgets were cool, the ending was great, and it had its moments. I liked this, but not nearly as much as Galactic Odyssey or his Imperium series.

[Craig · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Monitors is a novel typical of Laumer in the '60s; humorous and opinionated observations of society and politics. It's a very non-serious tale of alien invasion. It hasn't aged as well as much of his other work, and many people would now find some of his race and gender beliefs offensive.

[Pep · Rating 4 out of 5]

Old fashioned and lightweight, but still relevant, since the humour focuses on unchanging stereotypes and human stupidity, as exhibited daily in news sources and entertainment media.

It would have been better suited to a short story format than 150+ pages (long novella?) and I am not sure that Harlan Ellison was overly-delighted at it being dedicated to him; Philip K Dick might have beenmore appropriate, in my view.

[Hmmm, I just noticed that a movie was made of this, and is available online - I am off to watch it now]

[Keira F. Adams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Strange. It held my interest, though was very (very) shallow. Follows around a guy who is (sort of) spying on super-humans (sort of on the human part) who just want everyone to get along. Has a few laughs. Dated writing style. Quick read.

[SciFiOne · Rating 3 out of 5]

1983 grade C

[Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

In spite of the excellently surreal cover, the book itself was a largely dated and unfunny alien invasion comedy and a slow read. If you like Laumer's Bolo stories, this isn't like those at all.

[Marko]

I have the german edition: Invasion der Monitoren