Santa Responds: He's Had Enough...and He's Writing Back!

by Santa Claus

Ever wonder what Santa does with all those letters? (And all those cookies?) After a particularly long, cold night staring at nine smelly reindeer butts, the old man lets loose with the real answers to those stupid, whiny, hard-to-read letters from kids. Turns out, we really do get what we deserve. Dear Billy, I know you honestly believe that the good deeds you rattled off represent your behavior for the entire past year rather than the activities that occurred during the two hours leading up to the writing of this letter. Two hours of good behavior hardly justifies a new Playstation, let alone a trip to Disney World!! Your pal, Santa

Genres: Humor, Christmas, Fiction, Comedy, Adult, Fantasy, Holiday

300 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Santa Claus, the personification of the spirit of Christmas, usually represented as a jolly fat old man with a white beard and a red suit, brings gifts to good children on Christmas Eve.

confer Saint Nicholas of Myra

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_C...

Reviews

[harlequin {Stephanie} · Rating 1 out of 5]

Interesting premise, but I didn't find it the slightest bit funny.

[Jessica Kuznicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

so funny! best santa book ever!

[Samantha · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ah. The end of the year. That magical time of chugging through short humor books to try to finish my Goodreads goal. This one was misogynist, ageist, homophobic, AND toxic! Not worth even a last ditch effort slot on my reading goal.

[Phoebe Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was interesting at first but Santa's letters soon become extremely repetitive and boring. I only finished it to add another book to my Goodreads challenge.

[Sisuhukka · Rating 1 out of 5]

Repetitive and parts crossed over to the side of poor taste and insults instead of humour I could enjoy.

[Alex · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was mildly amusing at first, but it became quite repetitive (and increasingly more nasty in tone) as the book went on.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

No specific setting. 130 pp. Most of the Santa replies are quite funny; a small few are troubling ply racist, sexist, or otherwise problematic. It’s a good concept that falls flat for me because of its overall mean spiritedness (but I guess that tone was the whole point?). 🤷🏼‍♀️

Santa Responds: He's Had Enough...and He's Writing Back! by Santa Claus

[ProxyGecko · Rating 2 out of 5]

As many other readers have said the idea behind this book was good and its formatting was well done. However, it was incredibly cynical, sexist and homophobic. It comes across as being written by a disgruntled old man who really doesn’t like children and wants them to know it. Voice wise it comes across as more Scrooge than Santa and doesn’t hold back in its spite and contempt. Some of the letters and responses were quite good but they only amount to maybe 3% of the book. This was an extremely disappointing read.

[Amanda]

Last read of 2021, kinda. Ended up bailing at 55% because this Santa is a real douche. I liked the premise of a snarky Santa replying to letters from kids. This one started off funny but as you go you realize this Santa is downright cruel and needs to chill out. Preferably with a therapist over cocoa.

[Heather Noelle Trahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious book with crudely honest responses that some of us would love to give to the "spoiled brats of this material world" we live in. Quite a few curse words throughout, more of an adult book that give you a good laugh!

[Rebecca Timberlake · Rating 2 out of 5]

This could have been a really funny, cute idea, but instead it came across as a bitter, tired adult dressing up cynicism as humor. The only reason I'm still giving it two stars is because it was formatted well, and the idea behind was intriguing.

[Natasha Penney · Rating 2 out of 5]

Horrifically sarcastic and petty but not in an entertaining way.

[Christina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Santa is harsh. lol.

[Diane Sugars · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh, this book was a fast read, no substance at all, just a grouchy Santa responding to kids letters in a snarky, mean spirited way.

[Amy Koslowski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a short and cute read. I laughed out loud a few times but also cringed once or twice!

[Jenica · Rating 1 out of 5]

Had to force myself to finish, and it's only 130 pages.
There were a few funny ones that did make me laugh. Otherwise it was just crude humor that I didn't personally care for.

[Kristi Urmy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a Childrens book.

[Jen Hohl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent must read. So funny. Plus throw back political humor.

[Wendi · Rating 5 out of 5]

(I gave it 5 stars because it kept everyone at a family dinner laughing the whole time!)

Perfect for : Personal reading, great host/hostess gift (for the right person!)

In a nutshell: I don't know if my family has laughed this much in quite a while - at least not because of a book! We had relatives over for dinner this evening, and I decided to pull this book out to see what they thought. What I thought would be a quick five minute browse through the book ended up lasting over an hour as we passed the book back and forth, reading the children's letters and how Santa responded to them out loud. I've never had a better time during dinner! This is the perfect gift for someone with a great sense of humor, or someone who needs one! It would also be great after a long day of work, or holiday shopping - just grab a cocktail and start reading - your day will instantly get better! As I learned this evening, this book is also a perfect ice breaker for a gathering - just make sure there are no kids who still believe in Santa, because just like the picture on the cover - this Santa isn't your normal "ho, ho, ho" jolly old Saint Nick, but rather a blunt pot-bellied, tattooed, cigar-smoking, drinking, cursing (not too bad) Santa who is finally telling kids exactly what he thinks!

Extended Review:
You've simply got to get this book this holiday season! If for some reason it offends you - I apologize, but I don't expect it to offend anyone. My parents were here when we read it out loud, and if anyone would have been offended, it would have been my Mom, who took everything in stride and laughed as much as the rest of us! While you are at it, pick up a copy for someone else who deserves a good laugh!

Characters: Santa is hilarious! He's pulling out all the stops and telling kids what the reality of the situation is!

Story-Line: This book is full of letters written by children to Santa, and his responses. Please note that it is NOT a book I would read to a child who still believes in Santa, or any child at all, as it is certainly filled with adult humor.

Readability: I found the book easy to read. One note here is that the kid's letters are in different fonts, and some really look like kids handwriting, which can get a bit tricky in some situations (think of the suggested cocktail above).

Overall: A holiday MUST HAVE this year, especially with the economic fears - everyone needs to laugh about something!

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

The snark and sarcasm gets kind of repetitive without much of a redeeming value.

[☼Bookish in Virginia☼ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Looking for a book that runs a little contrary to the Holiday mood?

Been out shopping?

...Have you REALLY been enjoying the hustle and bustle of the crowds in the Mall? Trying to get that "in" doll or electronic game?

Or contrarily, are you already fed up with the endless ads that your children have absorbed and repeat-- robot like-- over and over. **We want .... We need ....**

If that's you, or someone you know, let me suggest "Santa Responds". It's a glib little book that will have you snickering with glee at what's naughty, not nice.

The format is one of letters and responses. The children's acquisitive letters are on the left, with the man in red's snarky responses on the right. The children's requests are on lined paper and in various goofy kid-like fonts, while Santa's glib responses appear typed on the right, on official North Pole stationary.

And example of which follows:

Dear Marisol,

You had me all the way through your letter, but then you went and blew it at the very end by ratting out your sister. What kind of a traitor are you? I know full well what your sister is capable of, but up until now I never suspected how small and petty you could be. It saddens me that the lovely Wedgewood Tiny Tea Service I had set aside for you, and the giant-size stuffed Simba we've been working to complete for months, will now be going to someone far more deserving.

Perhaps your sister.

Cheers!

Santa


This is a funny book for adults who need a little break from the Holiday spirit. It's not a book to read all in one sitting. (There's not enough variation for that.) But instead, a book to be savored a tableau at a time, here and there, for Holidays to come. A nice gift idea the Scrooges in your life.

Pam T
mom and reviewer-at-large

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Every once in a while, a little book comes along that you just can't resist. Santa Responds is just such a book. For decades, this jolly old Elf has been receiving letters from children throughout the world. Nice children, naughty children, snotty children and greedy children. This year, something happened to the nice old Claus, something just snapped inside. This year, Santa is going to write back, and wow....is he pissed!

This book is filled with "letters" to Santa and Santa's hysterical replies. If Santa's responses don't make you laugh out loud, then you are a Grinch, or maybe an anti-Grinch. Some of Santa's responses include:

Dear Paige,
When did you turn into such a little bitch?
Your friend,
Santa

This was the response to a two and half page demand letter sent by a particularly rotten little girl. Succinct and straightforward, Santa cuts through the conventions of society and really "tells it like it is". Which makes this reader respond..."Go Santa!!"

Funny book....but keep it out of the hands of your youthful believers. It's waaaay to hard to explain this type of humor to them!!

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a collection of letters to Santa with Santa's not-so-nice but very funny responses. For example, when Annabel (age 5) asks Santa why the Easter Bunny gives candy but she has to leave Santa cookies, Santa responds in part:

It's not very well publicized, but the Easter Bunny is fully subsidized by the American Egg Producers Association. I make and deliver toys to millions of children every year, free of charge. If you don't think it's fair that I enjoy a few cookies for my efforts, then screw you.

I hope you're getting something good from the Easter Bunny this year, 'cause you're not getting jack from me.

Santa

[Grisel Santos · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was a quick read. it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. the first half of the book makes Santa sound like a bitter old man totally fed up with his job and he is rather insulting. I almost stopped reading but morbid curiosity compelled me to continue. the second half wasn't as bad, although he's still bitter, some of the answers were a tad bit humorous and even one letter/response was touching. makes you wonder if Santa were real why would he bother answering letters. thankfully I borrowed this book (digital) through the library because i wouldn't actively buy it. do I recommend it? I'd say approach with caution for it's not for everyone and definitely not kids!

[Andrew Galvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

My mom bout this book thinking it was a children's book, but it definitely wasn't! She mailed it to me when I was out of town over the summer, and little did she know that it was an adult book.

In the book, Santa reads letters from children and decides that he's had enough of their whining. When he responds, he is very rude! He even curses sometimes!

One of my favorites is when a girl writes in and lies about her brother hitting her. He tells her to shut up because everybody knows she's lying.

This books was very funny and Mom and I are still laughing about it.

[Renee Ruple · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book it reminds me of the politically correct bedtime stories. I laughed and both sets of letter the kids questions and how they ask for stuff reminds me of kids I have seen at the mall. Santa's responses is what I can imagine so many parents and other adults in kids lives want to answer their questions. Some yes are harsh but put your self in the big guys shoes, you would snap too after all those years of letters, toy making and delivery.
Not a book for everyone I know many people who would not enjoy this book after the first set of letters.

[Kathy (Bermudaonion) · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of Santa Responds by Santa Claus is that Santa has had enough and he’s answering children’s letters. Please note that this book is not politically correct and is not for the easily offended. It is the kind of book that you can pick up any time and read a couple of pages. I have to admit that I got some chuckles from the first few letters in the book. However, I was tired of the concept before the book was over.

[Rich · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book you have to be careful with. It is best taken in small doses. Santa sits down and starts writing back to whiny children all over the world. Some of those answers are over the top, and some are drop dead funny. It can get cynical and mean at times, and if you read it all in one sitting you'll probably go sour on Christmas. It's best taken in small doses to relieve Christmas frustrations, and for heaven's sake, don't let the kids see this book.

[Tiphani Abbott · Rating 1 out of 5]

I will confess to only reading half the book. I did not find this book as funny as it could have been, in fact some of it was uncomfortably insulting, and the entire thing became predictable, repetitive and boring. There is a fine line between humor and just being mean and offensive. If you want a truly humorous "tell it as it is" approach to what is wrong with today's world, I suggest reading Adam Carolla.

[Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I love to take a humorous look at the holidays now and again (think - Santaland Diaries) this book felt a little forced as time went on. I found myself getting bored with harsh words and repeating bitterness. I could see this might be fun as a party-time read-a-loud -- or perhaps even turned into a stage production -- with a little more thought and energy it might have more to offer.