Chemistry

by Lewis DeSimone

How much does biology have to do with who a person is? Chemistry is the emotionally charged story of Neal and Zach, passionate gay lovers torn apart by mental illness. At first meeting they discover a sexual and emotional chemistry that cannot be denied. Then, as illness consumes one, each must grow, repair himself, and work to become stronger and more independent to ultimately conquer the life-crushing consequences wrought by mental illness and emotional dependency. This touching, introspective story will move you—and have you thinking about the motivations and events in your own life. Neal Bauer is an intellectual and rather controlled gay man, in love with the idea of being in love. His past holds an unhealthy relationship which he struggles to come to grips with. Now he is faced with another relationship with a man in which he can lose himself, a descent of self into the inevitable trap of codependence. Zach Reddison is a free spirit, highly sexual, the product of an unhappy and abusive childhood. Zach has spent much of his life wandering in an attempt to escape his painful past. His swirling descent into clinical depression and serious mental illness is the stuff of nightmares for both him and for his lover. I’d grown used to Zach, to the weight his body lent the other side of the bed. After all this time (back then, three months seemed like a very long time), I began to take for granted his inevitable place in my life. It never occurred to me that he could be temporary, like the others. I didn’t think in terms of temporary or permanent; Zach was simply there, that was all there was to it. He was real to me in a way that no other man had ever been—in a physical sense, as inexorable and undeniable as a mountain range or a sea. Before, I had made fantasies of my lovers, loved them for the most abstract of reasons—the creamy notes of longing that wept from Adam’s cello; the swirl of ideas that excited me whenever Brian opened his mouth—but Zach was different. Unique among them, Zach struck me primarily as a physical, tangible presence—flesh, bone, blood. He was tousled head of chestnut hair, unkempt on the pillow beside me in the morning when I woke early and waited for his eyes to! open. Chemistry is the story of the chemical attraction between lovers, the brain chemistry that determines personality and mood, the medications needed for regaining mental health, and the relationships between people who care for one another. It is an enthralling novel of courage, liberation, and self-realization.

Genres: M M Romance, LGBT, Fiction, Gay

301 pages, Paperback

First published March 31, 2006

About the author

Lewis DeSimone is the author of the novels Exit Wounds, Channeling Morgan, Chemistry, and The Heart's History. His work has also appeared in Christopher Street, James White Review, Harrington Gay Men’s Fiction Quarterly, and the anthologies Charmed Lives: Gay Spirit in Storytelling, Best Gay Love Stories: Summer Flings, I Like It Like That: True Tales of Gay Male Desire, Second Person Queer: Who You Are (So Far), The Mammoth Book of Threesomes and Moresomes, and My Diva: 65 Gay Men on the Women Who Inspire Them. His contribution to the latter was highlighted on Salon.com and reprinted in Ganymede and Best Gay Stories 2010. He lives in Minneapolis, where he is currently at work on his next novel.

Reviews

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finding the right guy is hard enough! What do you do when the guy that you meet and fall for suddenly changes? When Boston transplant Neal meets Zach at a country bar in San Francisco, the last thing that he expects is that Zach will change the way that he does.

If you fall for someone, what obligations do you have if they become someone else? This is just one of the issues in this thought provoking novel. I'm sure that some of the questions that it brought up will be with me long after I've forgotten other books I read.

[Cris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book sucked me in directly from the word go. It’s beautifully written, and beyond that it’s a haunting, sad tale about love, mental illness, and trying to survive both. While this isn’t a light, happy read, it’s certainly interesting. In addition, while this is a novel where a gay relationship takes center stage, I didn’t really feel like it was a “gay novel.” The fact that the two main characters are homosexual takes a backseat to the fact that they are two people in a relationship that are going through this terrible thing. It doesn’t make a big deal out of the gayness- neither of the men involved have an issue with their sexuality. It’s not about that. This is one of the things I love about this book. There are plenty of books that have gay angst in them. What’s less common is finding a book centered around gay people that has angst having NOTHING to do with the sexuality of the characters. Very refreshing. My favorite line is actually in the beginning: “That’s the thing about chemistry. You can’t choose whom you’re going to be attracted to, even when you know that eventually it will all blow up in your face.”

[Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

OK, so why not a little self-promotion? Chemistry was recently reissued by Lethe Press in a new edition. Check out the "perfect paperback" link on Amazon for a peek at the sexy new cover.

[Gale Stanley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished it and loved it! The prose is beautiful and the characters are so real they brought me to tears. It's a book that I will be giving a second read.

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

The main character rebounds after doing a break-up geographic. Ouch.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This m/m novel is not an upbeat read, since mental illness is the main plot element. However DeSimone is a skilled and obviously intelligent writer who does a beautiful job with the difficult subject matter. All the characters are flawed and feel very real; the turns in the plot are believable and propel the story forward.

One downside is that the book started a bit slowly; the initial character-building might have happened more quickly. The only other downside was that the story had some occasional asides (a bit of visual imagery, philosophic waxing, and the like) that ended up being spun out just a little too long. Instead of flowing, the asides sometimes caused the plot to stop and eddy. Tightening those areas just a bit more would have helped.

[Dave1962uk]

A truly fantastic story. Lewis DeSimone portrays Zach's mental health with honesty neither trying to fix the problems or blowing them out of proportion to sensationalise this fantastic story of love and co dependancy.
His prose is beautiful. He describes and illustrates a San Francisco that I could easily visualise without having been there, a place I would like to visit one day.
A character I really liked was Martin and I dare anybody who reads this great novel not to feel a genuine warmth for him. I wish I had a friend like him.
Please do not be put off by the subject of mental health this is a really fantastic novel.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very good book that really puts the main characters (and the reader) through an emotional wringer. Neal and Zach's relationship is so stressful and claustrophobic at times that I just had to put this book aside for a few days before coming back to it. If you've ever dealt with a loved one who is mentally ill (and I have so I know), it's a difficult and delicate process. DeSimone gives a very detailed and vivid account of the ups and downs of falling in love with someone who has mental problems.

[Jim · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Everybody's gotta go through their own private hell." - Brick in Tennessee Williams' 'Cat on the Hot Tin Roof.'

'Chemistry' offers an intimate portrait of a relationship gone awry, when the love interest of the narrator suffers from mental health problems. While inconclusive in its structure, perhaps that's appropriate as a reflection of the two men's attempt to be together, and its inevitable dissolution.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a book that as a kid, I don't think I got into to it too much. I honestly don't remember why I bought this book, I was only 15 at time discovering a new world. Back then, it took me months to get through this book. But after rereading this book now, I see why I bought this book. It is truly a phenomenal book. And will with me forever.

[Cecil · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Loved this book. I loved the love story and all of the psychology involved in the plot.