Before War: On Marriage, Hierarchy, and Our Matriarchal Origins

by Elisha Daeva

The book Before War will change how its readers look at the world — by exposing the female roots of Western civilization. It draws on the evidence from anthropology, archaeology, linguistics, primatology, and the shocking new genetics data, to tell the story of Western civilization.

For readers of Sapiens and The Dawn of Everything, this is about another way that our European ancestors lived, without violence, sexual shame, or social inequality. It’s the story of a story that was buried and re-discovered again and again, and is once again being told, thanks to the new science of genetics. It’s the story of the first rape, genocide and colonization in 3500 BCE, and of the peaceful, egalitarian people who lived before. It’s about the most controversial academic debate of all time, which has raged for 250 years. It’s a funny, sexy take on some heavy topics.

It’s not about blaming men. It’s about standing together against an institution that harms us all.

Are you interested in your Eurasian ancestors, in the truth about our ancient past, or in the origins of social inequality? Do you want practical solutions for how we can save the world, or how you can heal from harmful belief systems? It’s time for a paradigm shift!

Genres: History, Feminism, Nonfiction

376 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 26, 2023

Reviews

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

Once upon a time, before there was war, men and women had equal importance. Civilization arose under these conditions and flourished for longer periods than our Western culture has existed. Our civilization is built upon the foundation of these earlier cultures. It sounds like a fairy tale. But the evidence is undeniable.

Before War is a fascinatingly multidisciplinary exploration of the early origins of human society. Looking at the compelling evidence from archeology, linguistics, and genetics — blended with further hints found in primatology, oral histories, and mythology — author Elisha Daeva makes a convincing argument against the inevitability of violence and other correlates of the patriarchy that so many claim is our human birthright. Early on, Daeva explains that she left her postgrad studies in neuropsychology at UCLA due to the “bias and politics in academia” — allowing her to spend the next twenty years reading broadly and studying with alternative mentors — and while that frees her to speak uncomfortable truths that go against the orthodoxy, it also sees her quoting often from Wikipedia and using casual language that smacks a bit of amateurism. Still: I was intrigued and persuaded by the evidence that Daeva has assembled here and would love to see it shared and discussed widely. (Note: I read an ARC through NetGalley and passages quoted may not be in their final form.)

It is no longer a matter of debate in academia (though Wikipedia has yet to catch up) that a small gaggle of cowherds known as the Yamnaya, Kurgans, or steppe nomads swept through Europe and replaced 75% of the existing human gene pool. The scientific papers politely pretend that this may have been a peaceful migration. But the archaeological record is full of burned villages. The genetics tell us that the indigenous males were replaced by the Yamnaya males…This total re-write of the genetic map of Europe, as well as a new system of family and property, happened over a mere few hundred years.

The brief version: Although patrist societies popped up a few times in human history (notably in Central America and China), Daeva argues that most human settlements were peacefully matrist (with free sex, communal sharing of resources, and names and property passed down the matrilineal line), surviving for thousands of years free of rape, war, or poverty. But six thousand years ago, rapid climate change (the desertification of formerly arable land) in the steppe region of Eastern Europe and Russia forced the peoples there to switch to pastoralism and then to invade the farming communities around them: killing the men, raping the women, and adopting (but weakening) their more advanced cultures. Further waves of invading “Kurgans” established themselves as strongmen leaders, which demoted the previous wave into a middle class — leaving any surviving indigenous people as an impoverished underclass — and initiating the patriarchal “package” of marriage, monogamy, sexism, and war that has dominated into our day. The evidence for this (and especially what is being learned today through genetics) seems incontrovertible.

Before War is filled with fascinating facts, but I was especially intrigued to learn of Marija Gimbutas — an anthropologist and archeologist who first proposed the idea of our peaceful matrist past and the invasion of the Kurgans — and the way that she had been dismissed by mainstream academia (due to her promotion by feminists and goddess-worshippers in the 70s); and especially the way that evidence from genetics has since proven her theories right. I was intrigued to learn that the famous ancient cave art of France and Spain is now thought to have been made by women; that women likely made as many early tools as men; that it was probably women who first planted seeds and initiated agriculture: so much of the work of the patriarchy involves erasing the contributions of women (*Daeva also explains the pressures that the patriarchy imposes on men — leading often to loneliness, homelessness, and suicide — and easily makes the case that it’s an unhealthy system for all of us.) This book is filled with citations and includes an extensive bibliography, but Daeva resists using an academic tone, to varying success. She often writes colloquially, as in:

• These female figurines and images were found in shrines, making it clear that they were religious objects. That is, they were probably not, as some modern dudes have suggested, porn dolls.

• This was a landmark moment in the psychology of the Western world: men steal the power from the Great Mother, who had for so long been the ultimate source of power in the universe. This was the turning point where history began. It’s been a shitshow ever since.

• Of course, there are a minority of douchebags, the Andrew Tates of the world…

And when Daeva concludes by envisioning what could come next — “after war” as it were — it all felt a little kumbaya:

Imagine children conceived in hot Tantric intentional rituals broadcast live as positive porn! Professional porn will go out of business with all the amateurs lovingly acting out the whole Kama Sutra. When a child is born, let’s greet her singing in a beautiful place, not in an antiseptic, anti-mammal room with bright lights. She will be breastfed and carried on the body whenever possible. She'll be given gentle discipline, and plenty of love and physical affection. Her boundaries will be respected. Her gifts will be nurtured. If she shows signs of mental illness or neurological difference, she will be taught how to manage it. If she exhibits antisocial behavior like bullying or selfishness, her friends and family will stage an innovation to gently but firmly let her know it’s not okay. Physical punishment and shaming will never be used.

Daeva imagines that families will become intentional units — couples or nonsexual companions will create contracts for childcare and support that will replace marriage and monogamy (unless a couple specifically opts for a traditional nuclear family) — and that mutual support and cooperation will be the norm at the level of clan, community, and nation. We’ll take most of the money back from billionaires, invest in education and health, and outlaw war between nations. I am willing to be convinced that we all lived peacefully together once upon a time, but beyond wishing it to be true again, it’s hard to see how we could get there again. On the other hand: if we allow authors like Steven Pinker, Yuval Noah Harari, and Jared Diamond (all of whom Daeva accuses of cherry-picking facts to support their theories of the inherent violence of humanity) to dominate the popular conversation, then we might never imagine even the possibility of a future without war. A worthwhile read that I hope gets some traction.

[Natash · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good introduction to various forms of evidence that patriarchy is not inevitable or inherently natural. I was initially sceptical about this book because of the informal tone and author's position outside of academia (calling herself an "academic heretic"). I ended up appreciating the straightforward language style and the fact that she is not afraid to bring up controversial topics and have an opinion. It was interesting to learn how theories about past matrilineal societies have been ignored and silenced in academic discourse (this is not difficult to imagine though).

The last chapter is a great read by itself, outlining how our modern life and especially romantic and parenting relationships could look like post-patriarchy.

[Lynda Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to describe Elisha Daeva?

That she is not your average academic comes out strongly in the colloquial language she often uses. Where there is particular contempt for someone she doesn't like there is no hesitation in calling them an a***ole, for example.

This of course will make her a lot more approachable to non-academics. It also points to the freedom Daeva feels in not having to spare the tender sentiments of those who have the most power in deciding whose views shall be viewed as legit.

In short, Daeva seeks to rattle the cages of the accepted received opjnion, and to hell with the consequences, as she has nothing to lose!

The world of academia is indeed cliquey, with heresy not being tolerated. Politics and ego do indeed, all-too often come before science. The purveyors of unpopular opinions may not be threatened with the Inquisition these days, for to be ridiculed as an atavist or eccentric can work just as well.

This book supports the work of one of these ridiculed atavist eccentrics: Marija Gimbutas, who was originally lauded for her research into ancient matrilineal societies worshipping a goddess. Her findings were challenged for being biased until genetic research began to agree with her: repeated Kurgan invasions did indeed change the world, and not necessarily for the better.

The book goes into quite painstaking detail on how and why this was the case. A warning for the unwary: this is quite a hefty tome, with a good deal of detail. Homework and further research my be required from the reader, whether or not the aim is to either prove or disprove Daeva's assertions, these being that on the whole, the rise of patrilineal societies and patriarchy are not good news. They come in the wake of trauma brought on by natural disasters such as famine, climate change and volcanic eruptions. Want breeds fear that there won't be enough to go round. Hierarchies begin. between haves and have-nots. Women become chattel to powerful men, and sex shamed from one generation to the next. And war brings genocides and massacres. This book supports the assertions of Daeva that Marx and Engels, That matrineal societies were by their nature, far more egalitarian.

Another of Daeva's gurus is Riane Eisler, who also was influenced heavily by Gimbutas. Riane Eisler is particularly intrigued my Minoan culture, suspecting that this was an idyllic, peaceful world, until the eruption of Thera changed things, again for the worse.

In the case of the Minoans, it still remaims true that there are no written recods of what they truly believed, though if the Linear A alphabet does get decoded, there might be yet another 'she was right after all' moment.

This is a timely book, coming as it does in the wake of the destructive effects of mysogynist influencers and the murderous hate they foment, such as Andrew Tate or online incel groups. Women have more equality currently, yet Gilead still, always threatens to return, as it did rapidly recently in Afghanistan.

It is worth emphasising that this book is *not* anti-male. Its message is rather that there may be better ways to live than within the social structures we do at the moment. There might be things Daeva has generalised about, but that will involve doing a little homework, to check that out.

As a species, we don't really see ourselves too clearly from a long-term historical perspective, and therefore to get a sense of what is likely to cause is to take a wrong - and oppressive - direction. This book may be one of those that will help us begin to do that - if we can in time.

[S. Antoni-Sparks · Rating 4 out of 5]

The candor in this book is refreshing, but does make it seem less of academia. I gather that is the point to some degree here: if you're not directly in academia, then you can call 'em how you see 'em, no matter the politics involved. While i am generally not a fan of exclamation points in any communications, I found this author's style to be really enjoyable and appreciated the no nonsense approach.

• Each point was made multiple times, which led the book to be slighlty repetitive.
• Sources were marked well and you could see clearly that the author did her research.
• Unfortunately, there were a couple spelling errors that made it through the editing process, but they were minimal. I recall 4 total for 300+ pages.
• Would reccomend for a light read on pre history cultures, especially to those who are not interested in weighty (wordy) tomes.

[Kelly Hodgkins · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am passionate about women’s rights and changing perceptions about matriarchy and patriarchy. However, this book makes leaps in logic that I can’t believe are accurate and large sweeping statements that are solidified in fact. I made it to 7% be for deciding I could go no further.

[Seven Crow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book and recommend it to everyone. Seriously. I would say this is one of the best herstory /history books of our time with extraordinary depth and research. If you have read Chalice and the Blade by Rhaine Eilser, then this is the follow up continuation of your education. The author makes it readable and easy to understand, and as someone who enjoys dense books I found this refreshing, hence my suggestion that EVERYONE read it. Times are revealing a necessary change and this book is the way. An absolute must for anyone seeking TRUTH.

[Verity Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Archeology, linguistics, and DNA

This is a fascinating look at matriarchal prehistory, revealed by archeology, linguistics, and DNA. And groups centered around mothers and their kin are logical, given the inherent powers women have. The connection between harsh climate and the growth of patriarchal systems is an obvious example of "bad times make strong men." And while I share the author's wish for a different approach to society, societies evolve according to the pressures placed on them, not according to wishes. I'm not sure it's possible to go back, as desirable as that might be.

I wanted to give this book 4 stars, but two things troubled me: the single biggest was the author confusing Cain and Abel. The point being made was an interesting one, but mixing up the names in such a famous story makes me instinctively distrust the author's accuracy about anything else. Then there's the fact that this book is not, in fact, over 1000 pages long; the notes are formatted to take up one page each. Perhaps it's just a formatting error, but it feels like a serious one, given the resulting page count.

[Rina Di Raimo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can say, without an inch of doubt, that I have never read a book like this in my entire life. It is startling in its honesty, unflinching in its bravery, and willing to tell the truth in ways most history books are far too timid to attempt. Before War feels like the story beneath all other stories, the world as it was, the world as it might have been, the world patriarchy has tried again and again to silence.
The depth of research here is staggering. You can feel the years of excavation, of anthropology, genetic evidence, archaeology, woven together with a clarity that refuses to let you look away. Her explanations of how patriarchy harms everyone, men included, should be required reading in every school.Elisha Daeva shows her work, and she shows us ourselves.
I wish I had read this book sooner. I finished it two days ago and still find myself flipping back to passages that demand to be remembered, that insist on being carried forward. My gosh, this book. It’s astonishing. I will never stop saying it.

Thanks to BooksGoSocial for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Joriah Wade · Rating 5 out of 5]

When reading a history book there are a few factors I always consider when deciding if the book is "digestible". First, is their truly any new information, followed by is the book biased towards the authors perspective, and finally is it the epitome of boredom. For starters the sheer amount of new information I learned is quite staggerring. The initial reactionis almost crippling, showing once again how history has been doctored. Yet once you rise above those thoughts you understand why. Secondly I love how the author is constantly cross referencing and including a multitude of informational sources. It is impossible to detect any bias because there is none. And as far as boredom, well this book is like Indian Jones meets a summer intensive at MIT. Well done indeed. Ive rambled enough read the book, and remember its a real book not a facebook post. Prepare to read and be educated.

[Andrea Wenger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Using evidence from anthropology, archaeology, linguistics, primatology, and genetics, this book explores the matrilineal, egalitarian roots of civilization before the Indo-European expansion spread patriarchy throughout the world. In an entertaining and persuasive style, the author argues that in matrilineal societies, paternity was irrelevant, leading to less violence and repression, and more equal sharing of resources. In such societies, she suggests, both men and women enjoyed happier, less stressful lives.

The author draws from a variety of sources, some reliable (like "The Dawn of Everything" by David Graeber and David Wengrow) and some less so (like Wikipedia). Read it with a critical eye, but definitely read it.

Thanks, NetGalley, for the ARC I received. This is my honest and voluntary review.

[Kathleen Schwab · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compelling analysis of the last 6 thousand years of history, and a map forward.

[R · Rating 3 out of 5]

I buy the premise and it gets an A for effort, but this is a hot mess full of basic mistakes…there’s a typo right there on the back cover??

[Louise Hewett · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a good chapter or so to get used to Elisha Daeva's writing and presentation style in Before War, simply because I'd never come across anything written about this particular subject in such a conversational way. For that reason, it's very accessible, especially when presenting the information about linguistics and archaeology. As a sweeping introduction to the subject of patriarchal society, how it may have developed, how it emerges in the behaviour of men and women, and in the various parts of society, Before War is a great book to have around.

Just as important as learning to analyse the heart-breaking subject of the dominator mind in order to understand and spot the dangers and the warning signs with a view to change, is risking the what-ifs: taking a guess, no matter how outlandish-sounding, at imagining something healthier, something nurturing, and something creative for humans beings around which to build our lives personally, as well as in communities of all kinds, including our Earth-community. Daeva's inclusion of chapters on sex, mythology, and "conclusions and solutions" are refreshing, although as with this subject in general, only so much can be offered in a book of this nature.

I recommend Before War as introduction, resource, as a valuable declaration of a journey, a vision which can encourage us all to join in. The more the merrier on the way to eliminating patriarchy, saving ourselves from self-destruction, and learning once more to love Earth and all our kindred as Home.