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Lies Women Believe
Lies Women Believe/Companion Guide for Lies Women Believe- 2 Book Set
The lies Christian women believe are at the root of their struggles. In "Lies Women Believe," Nancy Leigh DeMoss exposes areas of deception common to many Christian women -- lies about God, sin, priorities, marriage and family, emotions, and more. She deals honestly with women's delusions and illusions and then gently leads them to the truth of God's word that leads to true freedom."Walking in Truth," the companion study to "Lies Women Believe" will help women go deeper into God's Word, walk more fully in His grace, and experience the joy of the abundant life Christ promised.
416 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 1, 2002
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119 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Leigh DeMoss
127 books445 followersNancy DeMoss Wolgemuth also known as Nancy Leigh DeMoss is the host and teacher for Revive Our Hearts and Seeking Him, two nationally-syndicated programs heard each weekday on over 1,000 radio stations. She is a mentor and spiritual mother to thousands of women and a leader of the True Woman movement.
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January 15, 2017
PART 1:
Recently my women’s small group at church decided to go through this book (along with the DVD and workbooks that correspond with the book study). I frequently had very strong negative emotions while reading the book and differed with the author and sometimes with my small group in discussing the topics weekly. This post will be my book review, as well as pointing out my areas of disagreement, but I hope to keep things polite and gracious.
I have listened to Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Revive Our Hearts radio program in the past and have never considered her to be a deviant bible teacher. I know she has helped many women develop their spiritual lives and I believe she has done much good. Yet I was shocked with some of her comments in the book which I will relate in quotes below. Much of what rubs against the grain of my spirit has to do with her simplistic blanket statements she often makes, as well as many implied themes and misleading comments, even some Scripture taken out of context. What makes it sort of difficult on my part to state a disagreement with a comment she has made is that she often goes on to the next paragraph to say that she doesn’t mean exactly what she just implied/said previously!
Perusing the table of contents, we see 40 statements Nancy has labeled “Lies”. Most of them are. Some, like I said are too general a statement to call a lie. She does say somewhere toward the beginning that not all of these are complete lies, as all lies have a grain of truth in them, but yet I take issue with the “shock and awe” approach she takes in heading each section up with these broad statements nonetheless.
On the DVD, Nancy also states a disclaimer that some of these that she names as lies are controversial in today’s world (too true) and that we don’t need to agree with her on all of them. But that leaves me puzzled as to why she bothers to write a book and call them Satan’s lies if we don’t necessarily need to believe that they are lies. ?
#6- God should fix my problems.
“God is more concerned about glorifying Himself and changing me than about solving all my problems.”
I agree with her to a point, but the way it’s worded leaves you hanging and anxious that God doesn’t care about your problems. I’ve learned that God cares about my problems more than I do. Because God glorifies Himself, He is actively involved in my life, cares about the things I care about, and is working for my best interest because of His glory.
#8- I Need to Learn to Love Myself.
“’Low self-esteem’… ‘You need to learn to love yourself’ is the world’s prescription for those who are plagued with a sense of worthlessness. It has become a popular mantra of pop psychology and of a culture filled with people obsessed with finding ways to feel better about themselves.”
Nancy knocks self-esteem, as I often hear other bible teachers do today. What they don’t seem to realize (or fail to mention), is that there is such a thing as godly self-esteem. It’s called self-respect.
Nancy then quotes a poem with a critical eye:
“Let go of the shoulds in your life.
Open up to the miracle of you.
Value your uniqueness.
Explore your dreams and passions.
Yield to life—go with the flow,
Obey the voice of your spirit.
Unwind—get cozy and comfy.
Renew yourself—body and soul.
Surround yourself with caring people.
Express yourself—be true to you.
Linger longer at what you enjoy.
Feel God’s special love for you.”
What, pray, is necessarily wrong with most of this acrostic? She seems to be scared of the word ‘you’ because it may indicate selfishness. I agree with avoiding undue focus on self, but that doesn’t mean that loving the person God made (yourself) is wrong.
“As with much deception, the lies represented… are not polar opposites of the Truth; rather, they are distortions of it.”
Agreed. But I don’t know why she’s lumping everything under the same category. Why title the section “I Need to Learn to Love Myself” as a lie? It is only a lie when it is the world’s focus on self.
“According to God’s Word, the Truth is that we were created in the image of God, that He loves us, and that we are precious to Him. However, we do not bestow that worth on ourselves. Nor do we experience the fullness of God’s love by telling ourselves how lovable we are.”
And “I Need to Learn to Love Myself” is antithetical to this? No—the world would see this different (that’s where the lie comes in), but as Christians, it is important to learn to love ourselves AS GOD LOVES US. This is not dangerous!
“To the contrary, Jesus taught that it is in losing our lives that we find our lives. The message of self-love puts people on a lonely, one-way path to misery.”
She’s equating self-love with self-centeredness. Again, the world mistakenly equates the two, and Nancy mistakenly equates the two.
“According to the Scripture, the Truth is that we do love ourselves—immensely. When Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, the point is not so that we can love others. Jesus is saying we need to give others the same attention and care we naturally give ourselves.”
I think this verse means both. We all have problems loving ourselves as God loves us. Some are too self-focused. Some do not care for themselves (mind, body, emotions) as God intends. That’s when we become burnt out, codependent, etc. There really are folks who do not love themselves. I’ve been there.
“We are constantly looking out for ourselves, deeply sensitive to our own feelings and needs, always conscious of how things and people affect us.”
One way of not loving ourselves is when we ignore our feelings and needs when we should be sensitive to them, and Nancy seems to encourage this, as I will later discuss.
“The reason some of us get hurt so easily is not because we hate ourselves but because we love ourselves!”
Again, she is misleading in equating love with selfishness. Agreed, we humans are self-centered by nature. But this is not the same thing as truly loving ourselves.
“Our malady is not ‘low self-esteem’ nor is it how we view ourselves: rather it is our low view of God.”
How we view ourselves has a tremendous impact on how we interact with God and others (just as how we view God impacts how we view ourselves). To esteem something or someone is to hold them with value and respect. If we don’t esteem ourselves with a healthy love, we are more apt to enter into bad relationships, accept bad treatment from others (abuse), etc.
#9- I Can’t Help the Way I Am
“Rather than accept responsibility for our own choices, attitudes, and behavior, we have 101 reasons for why we are the way we are:
-‘Our house is so tiny, everything gets on my nerves.’
-‘My job is so stressful, I can’t help being irritable with my kids when I get home.’
-‘It's that time of the month.’
-‘I’m so exhausted; I just can’t function.’
-‘My family never dealt with problems; we just stuffed everything inside and pretended like nothing is wrong. To this day, I can’t really confront issues.’
-‘I’ve had an abusive childhood; I’ve never been able to trust people.’
The implication of all these statements is that others have made us the way we are—that we are merely victims, reacting to wounds inflicted on us by others.”
I agree we mustn’t stay at these statements as ultimate excuses. But recognizing the things that affect us and why is the first step to trying to do something about it. The healthy thing to do is to use them as alarms to correct a problem—not staying stuck in an excuse or ignoring it and pasting a happy face over it.
#10- I Have My Rights-
What sort of rights are we talking about? Nancy doesn’t really clearly say, and throughout this section, she seems to be lumping everything together; she lumps ‘demanding my own way’ in the same pot with basic human dignities:
“The fact is, successful relationships and healthy cultures are not built on the claiming of rights but on the yielding of rights.”
Oooh. Really? Slavery, Soviet Union, totalitarian governments, Britain’s actions leading up to the American War for Independence… These all make for healthy cultures? “We are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights.” This comes from the Declaration of Independence, not Scripture, but it is still based on Scriptural principles. We can give them up, but we’re not being responsible, and it won’t be healthy and successful.
“Even our traffic laws reflect this principle. You’ll never see a sign that says, ‘You have the right of way.’ Instead, the signs instruct us to ‘Yield’ the right of way.’
Good grief! Signs say this because there is the assumption that we know that someone has the right of way!!
“When God acted differently from the way Jonah thought He should, ‘Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry’ (Jonah 4:1)… When the Lord responded to Jonah, He didn’t sympathize with Jonah’s wounded feelings; He didn’t try to stroke Jonah’s ego. Instead, He confronted the pouting prophet with the issue of rights: The Lord replied, ‘Have you any right to be angry?’”
Nancy’s interpretation seems to imply that we do not have rights to emotions. Jonah should not have acted the way he did. But rather than read this as God blasting from Heaven saying “How dare you be angry?!”, I wonder if it was more like this: God says, “Alright, you feel this way, Jonah. Let’s process through this together… Do you have a right to be angry?...” This is more like the God of the Bible I know. Someone who doesn’t lambast us for emotions, but will help us come around to where He wants us to be if we cooperate.
“A decision someone makes at the office, a rude driver on the freeway, a long line at the checkout counter, a thoughtless word spoken by a family member, a minor offense (real or perceived) by a friend, someone who fails to come through on a commitment, a phone call that wakes me when I have just fallen off to sleep—if I am staking out my rights, even the smallest violation of those rights can leave me feeling and acting moody, uptight, and angry. The only way to get off that kind of spiritual and emotional roller coaster to is to yield all my rights to the One who ultimately holds all rights.”
I can see her making the point of letting the Spirit control our responses to these annoyances. But I feel she’s implying we cut off all negative emotions and ignore how things affect us. I think God wants us to honestly process through them like real human beings, not just ‘quit feeling them because it’s selfish.’ The Psalmist didn’t do this. He was honest about the way he was feeling. Many Christians are quick to point out that 99% of the Psalms end with the poet giving praise to God, and this is true. But each psalm was a *process* before the author gets to that point.
#21- “A Career Outside the Home is More Valuable and Fulfilling than Being a Wife and Mother.”
Nancy quotes Gen. 2:18 where God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Says Nancy:
“There you have it—God created the woman to be a helper to the man—to complete him, to be suited to his needs. Her life was to center on his, not his on hers. She was made from the man, made for the man, and given as God’s gift to the man.”
God created woman to reflect His glory, a different aspect of His glory than Adam’s. Together they created a fuller picture of God’s glory. I disagree with the idea that the woman is to center her life on a man. No one should center their life on someone else. Despite the popular patriarchal-theology out there, men are not mini-gods to be worshipped. We, as women, are to be helpers, but not slaves or doormats, or yes-women. Women have needs, too. Husbands and wives are to serve each other. Husbands are to serve their wives and love them as Christ loved the church. Wives and their needs are not unimportant. Our identity should not be in men.
I think Nancy’s statements can lead to many harmful ways of thinking. I’m not saying that Nancy supports misogyny (I’m sure she doesn’t), but there are some couples who are so extreme in this type mindset.
“According to 1 Cor. 7:32-35, women who are unmarried are still called to be ‘homemakers,’ though in a different sense. They are to devote their energies and efforts to building the household of faith; they are to live selfless lives that revolve not around their own interests and aspirations, but around Christ and His kingdom.”
[from ch. 11, The Truth That Sets Us Free:]
“…God’s calling for the married woman centers on her roles in the home.
“…to deny oneself and lay down one’s life on behalf of others—there is no higher calling and no greater joy.”
Time and again throughout this book, Nancy makes it sound sinful to have interests and aspirations. Or at least, she makes such a broad blanket statement about it that one would think so. And she makes it sound holy to ignore personal desires, which may very well be the desires that God has put in us. I’m not making a case for selfishness, but to explore and test and try for what we believe God put in our hearts. These desires are not unimportant. Not any less important than the desires God gives to men. So why is it not sinful for men, and sinful for women? Women are human beings God has created, too.
#23- “My Husband Is Supposed to Serve Me.”
“… the ‘virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is so utterly selfless… she seems virtually unconcerned about her own interests and needs, choosing instead to focus on how she can meet the practical needs of her husband and children, as well as other in her community.”
Here it is again. We need to be careful here, lest we be led into codependency. It may sound spiritual to neglect your own well-being, but that is being irresponsible with what God has entrusted to us. We should be good stewards of our own well-being. If we are dry physically, emotionally, spiritually, then we have nothing to give to others.
I also believe in boundaries in marriage. Being a helping wife is not the same as being your husband’s mother.
#24- “If I Submit to My Husband I’ll Be Miserable.”
“God intended that authority should be a means of providing spiritual covering and protection… This is not to suggest that if a wife stays under authority, she will automatically be protected from all suffering or abuse;… According to Scripture, it is possible for a righteous, submissive person to suffer persecution, which may come in the form of abuse. The book of 1 Peter gives practical insight into God’s purposes in suffering and how to respond when we are called to suffer for righteousness’ sake.”
Probably this statement, out of all the others I disagreed with in the book had me choking. Major issue here! Marital abuse CANNOT be equated with religious persecution! I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where we are called to suffer abuse or that God wants us to. In fact, in Malachi 2:16 it says God hates it when husbands abuse their wives.
In the DVD version of “Lies Women Believe,” Nancy goes through a list of excuses why women can’t submit to their husbands and stay in a bad marriage. One of them is of a woman saying, “I can’t bear up under any more verbal attacks!” And Nancy says God says to that woman, “I know, by my grace is sufficient for you.” I think God is pained when someone thinks He calls women to submit themselves to any kind of abuse. That’s not how He treated women in the New Testament. The way Jesus treated women was revolutionary: appropriate & respectful conversation, touch, and attention.
“Submission is not about logic; it is about love. Jesus loved us so much that He voluntarily submitted to death on a cross. His command is that wives are to submit to their husbands.”
Yes—but not as Jesus loved the church and gave Himself up for it. That's the husband’s role in submission. Women are to submit as the church does to Christ. Beyond this, I think it’s up to each couple to decide for themselves how that submission looks like in their marriage.
Our husbands are not to be our highest authority.
#25- “If My Husband is Passive, I’ve Got to Take the Initiative, Or Nothing Will Get Done.”
“The couple is together in the Garden. The Serpent approaches them, ignores the man, and strikes up a conversation with the woman, fully aware that God has placed her under the authority of her husband and that both of them are under God’s authority. (Notice Satan’s strategy to subvert God’s authority structure by going directly to the woman.)… At this point, notice what the woman does not do. She does not acknowledge her husband, who is standing by her side. She does not say to the Serpent, ‘I’d like for you to meet my husband.’ She does not turn to her husband and ask, ‘Honey, how do you think we should respond?’ or ‘Adam, why don’t you tell him what God said to you.’ She carries on the entire conversation with the Serpent as if her husband is not there. Further, when it comes time to make a choice, she takes matters into her own hands. She does not consult with her husband on the matter; she does not ask his input or direction; she simply acts…”
When exactly did Eve sin? As she made the choice to eat the fruit, or before? My understanding has always been that it was as she made the choice. Yes, it would have been good if she had consulted with her husband about making such a big (and foolish) decision to disobey God. Who knows if Adam’s response would have been any different from Eve’s? He certainly didn’t try to stop her. But all this nitpicking about her consulting her husband over everything here isn’t spelled out in the Bible as sin. Frankly, I think that’s just our man-made rules. Wives are not to interact with their husbands as though they were little girls needing a parent. That’s not what submission is about.
“Over the years, women have insisted to me that their husbands’ passivitiy has ‘forced’ them to take over:
• “’My husband won’t work. If I didn’t go out and get a job, we would starve to death!’
• “’ If I let my husband take the lead in financial matters, he would drive us into bankruptcy.’
• “’ He just won’t get involved in the children’s lives. If I didn’t discipline them and make them do right, they would be out of control.’
“… At times I have asked women who are frustrated by the inactivity of their husbands, ‘What would happen if you didn’t jump in to handle the situation?’ You think you have to go to work because he won’t get a job? If he gets hungry, he will probably work! You feel you have to take charge of the finances because he is irresponsible with money? He may go bankrupt. But that may be exactly what it takes for God to get his attention and change his character. You must be willing to let him fail—believing that ultimately, your security is not in your husband but in a sovereign God who is not going to fail you.”
Seriously? These are the examples of excuses she comes up with? The Bible says that a man who does not provide for his family has denied the faith and is worse than unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8). She acts like it’s the worst sin in the world if a woman gets a job. She thinks bankruptcy will get a foolish husband’s attention? Not necessarily. Notice she doesn’t respond to the example of discipline of the kids. Are you’re supposed to let your kids get away with murder because you’re a woman and the virtue of not stepping on your passive husband’s toes is more important than raising your kids in the way they should go? What if the man is at work and not at home at the time?
Instead of letting all these things go to extremes, there is such a thing as boundaries in marriage. God gave us (yes, even us women) brains to think with and He expects us to use them. I have learned that when I use what God gave me to care for myself, I have a better sense of God watching over me.
Recently my women’s small group at church decided to go through this book (along with the DVD and workbooks that correspond with the book study). I frequently had very strong negative emotions while reading the book and differed with the author and sometimes with my small group in discussing the topics weekly. This post will be my book review, as well as pointing out my areas of disagreement, but I hope to keep things polite and gracious.
I have listened to Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Revive Our Hearts radio program in the past and have never considered her to be a deviant bible teacher. I know she has helped many women develop their spiritual lives and I believe she has done much good. Yet I was shocked with some of her comments in the book which I will relate in quotes below. Much of what rubs against the grain of my spirit has to do with her simplistic blanket statements she often makes, as well as many implied themes and misleading comments, even some Scripture taken out of context. What makes it sort of difficult on my part to state a disagreement with a comment she has made is that she often goes on to the next paragraph to say that she doesn’t mean exactly what she just implied/said previously!
Perusing the table of contents, we see 40 statements Nancy has labeled “Lies”. Most of them are. Some, like I said are too general a statement to call a lie. She does say somewhere toward the beginning that not all of these are complete lies, as all lies have a grain of truth in them, but yet I take issue with the “shock and awe” approach she takes in heading each section up with these broad statements nonetheless.
On the DVD, Nancy also states a disclaimer that some of these that she names as lies are controversial in today’s world (too true) and that we don’t need to agree with her on all of them. But that leaves me puzzled as to why she bothers to write a book and call them Satan’s lies if we don’t necessarily need to believe that they are lies. ?
#6- God should fix my problems.
“God is more concerned about glorifying Himself and changing me than about solving all my problems.”
I agree with her to a point, but the way it’s worded leaves you hanging and anxious that God doesn’t care about your problems. I’ve learned that God cares about my problems more than I do. Because God glorifies Himself, He is actively involved in my life, cares about the things I care about, and is working for my best interest because of His glory.
#8- I Need to Learn to Love Myself.
“’Low self-esteem’… ‘You need to learn to love yourself’ is the world’s prescription for those who are plagued with a sense of worthlessness. It has become a popular mantra of pop psychology and of a culture filled with people obsessed with finding ways to feel better about themselves.”
Nancy knocks self-esteem, as I often hear other bible teachers do today. What they don’t seem to realize (or fail to mention), is that there is such a thing as godly self-esteem. It’s called self-respect.
Nancy then quotes a poem with a critical eye:
“Let go of the shoulds in your life.
Open up to the miracle of you.
Value your uniqueness.
Explore your dreams and passions.
Yield to life—go with the flow,
Obey the voice of your spirit.
Unwind—get cozy and comfy.
Renew yourself—body and soul.
Surround yourself with caring people.
Express yourself—be true to you.
Linger longer at what you enjoy.
Feel God’s special love for you.”
What, pray, is necessarily wrong with most of this acrostic? She seems to be scared of the word ‘you’ because it may indicate selfishness. I agree with avoiding undue focus on self, but that doesn’t mean that loving the person God made (yourself) is wrong.
“As with much deception, the lies represented… are not polar opposites of the Truth; rather, they are distortions of it.”
Agreed. But I don’t know why she’s lumping everything under the same category. Why title the section “I Need to Learn to Love Myself” as a lie? It is only a lie when it is the world’s focus on self.
“According to God’s Word, the Truth is that we were created in the image of God, that He loves us, and that we are precious to Him. However, we do not bestow that worth on ourselves. Nor do we experience the fullness of God’s love by telling ourselves how lovable we are.”
And “I Need to Learn to Love Myself” is antithetical to this? No—the world would see this different (that’s where the lie comes in), but as Christians, it is important to learn to love ourselves AS GOD LOVES US. This is not dangerous!
“To the contrary, Jesus taught that it is in losing our lives that we find our lives. The message of self-love puts people on a lonely, one-way path to misery.”
She’s equating self-love with self-centeredness. Again, the world mistakenly equates the two, and Nancy mistakenly equates the two.
“According to the Scripture, the Truth is that we do love ourselves—immensely. When Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, the point is not so that we can love others. Jesus is saying we need to give others the same attention and care we naturally give ourselves.”
I think this verse means both. We all have problems loving ourselves as God loves us. Some are too self-focused. Some do not care for themselves (mind, body, emotions) as God intends. That’s when we become burnt out, codependent, etc. There really are folks who do not love themselves. I’ve been there.
“We are constantly looking out for ourselves, deeply sensitive to our own feelings and needs, always conscious of how things and people affect us.”
One way of not loving ourselves is when we ignore our feelings and needs when we should be sensitive to them, and Nancy seems to encourage this, as I will later discuss.
“The reason some of us get hurt so easily is not because we hate ourselves but because we love ourselves!”
Again, she is misleading in equating love with selfishness. Agreed, we humans are self-centered by nature. But this is not the same thing as truly loving ourselves.
“Our malady is not ‘low self-esteem’ nor is it how we view ourselves: rather it is our low view of God.”
How we view ourselves has a tremendous impact on how we interact with God and others (just as how we view God impacts how we view ourselves). To esteem something or someone is to hold them with value and respect. If we don’t esteem ourselves with a healthy love, we are more apt to enter into bad relationships, accept bad treatment from others (abuse), etc.
#9- I Can’t Help the Way I Am
“Rather than accept responsibility for our own choices, attitudes, and behavior, we have 101 reasons for why we are the way we are:
-‘Our house is so tiny, everything gets on my nerves.’
-‘My job is so stressful, I can’t help being irritable with my kids when I get home.’
-‘It's that time of the month.’
-‘I’m so exhausted; I just can’t function.’
-‘My family never dealt with problems; we just stuffed everything inside and pretended like nothing is wrong. To this day, I can’t really confront issues.’
-‘I’ve had an abusive childhood; I’ve never been able to trust people.’
The implication of all these statements is that others have made us the way we are—that we are merely victims, reacting to wounds inflicted on us by others.”
I agree we mustn’t stay at these statements as ultimate excuses. But recognizing the things that affect us and why is the first step to trying to do something about it. The healthy thing to do is to use them as alarms to correct a problem—not staying stuck in an excuse or ignoring it and pasting a happy face over it.
#10- I Have My Rights-
What sort of rights are we talking about? Nancy doesn’t really clearly say, and throughout this section, she seems to be lumping everything together; she lumps ‘demanding my own way’ in the same pot with basic human dignities:
“The fact is, successful relationships and healthy cultures are not built on the claiming of rights but on the yielding of rights.”
Oooh. Really? Slavery, Soviet Union, totalitarian governments, Britain’s actions leading up to the American War for Independence… These all make for healthy cultures? “We are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights.” This comes from the Declaration of Independence, not Scripture, but it is still based on Scriptural principles. We can give them up, but we’re not being responsible, and it won’t be healthy and successful.
“Even our traffic laws reflect this principle. You’ll never see a sign that says, ‘You have the right of way.’ Instead, the signs instruct us to ‘Yield’ the right of way.’
Good grief! Signs say this because there is the assumption that we know that someone has the right of way!!
“When God acted differently from the way Jonah thought He should, ‘Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry’ (Jonah 4:1)… When the Lord responded to Jonah, He didn’t sympathize with Jonah’s wounded feelings; He didn’t try to stroke Jonah’s ego. Instead, He confronted the pouting prophet with the issue of rights: The Lord replied, ‘Have you any right to be angry?’”
Nancy’s interpretation seems to imply that we do not have rights to emotions. Jonah should not have acted the way he did. But rather than read this as God blasting from Heaven saying “How dare you be angry?!”, I wonder if it was more like this: God says, “Alright, you feel this way, Jonah. Let’s process through this together… Do you have a right to be angry?...” This is more like the God of the Bible I know. Someone who doesn’t lambast us for emotions, but will help us come around to where He wants us to be if we cooperate.
“A decision someone makes at the office, a rude driver on the freeway, a long line at the checkout counter, a thoughtless word spoken by a family member, a minor offense (real or perceived) by a friend, someone who fails to come through on a commitment, a phone call that wakes me when I have just fallen off to sleep—if I am staking out my rights, even the smallest violation of those rights can leave me feeling and acting moody, uptight, and angry. The only way to get off that kind of spiritual and emotional roller coaster to is to yield all my rights to the One who ultimately holds all rights.”
I can see her making the point of letting the Spirit control our responses to these annoyances. But I feel she’s implying we cut off all negative emotions and ignore how things affect us. I think God wants us to honestly process through them like real human beings, not just ‘quit feeling them because it’s selfish.’ The Psalmist didn’t do this. He was honest about the way he was feeling. Many Christians are quick to point out that 99% of the Psalms end with the poet giving praise to God, and this is true. But each psalm was a *process* before the author gets to that point.
#21- “A Career Outside the Home is More Valuable and Fulfilling than Being a Wife and Mother.”
Nancy quotes Gen. 2:18 where God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Says Nancy:
“There you have it—God created the woman to be a helper to the man—to complete him, to be suited to his needs. Her life was to center on his, not his on hers. She was made from the man, made for the man, and given as God’s gift to the man.”
God created woman to reflect His glory, a different aspect of His glory than Adam’s. Together they created a fuller picture of God’s glory. I disagree with the idea that the woman is to center her life on a man. No one should center their life on someone else. Despite the popular patriarchal-theology out there, men are not mini-gods to be worshipped. We, as women, are to be helpers, but not slaves or doormats, or yes-women. Women have needs, too. Husbands and wives are to serve each other. Husbands are to serve their wives and love them as Christ loved the church. Wives and their needs are not unimportant. Our identity should not be in men.
I think Nancy’s statements can lead to many harmful ways of thinking. I’m not saying that Nancy supports misogyny (I’m sure she doesn’t), but there are some couples who are so extreme in this type mindset.
“According to 1 Cor. 7:32-35, women who are unmarried are still called to be ‘homemakers,’ though in a different sense. They are to devote their energies and efforts to building the household of faith; they are to live selfless lives that revolve not around their own interests and aspirations, but around Christ and His kingdom.”
[from ch. 11, The Truth That Sets Us Free:]
“…God’s calling for the married woman centers on her roles in the home.
“…to deny oneself and lay down one’s life on behalf of others—there is no higher calling and no greater joy.”
Time and again throughout this book, Nancy makes it sound sinful to have interests and aspirations. Or at least, she makes such a broad blanket statement about it that one would think so. And she makes it sound holy to ignore personal desires, which may very well be the desires that God has put in us. I’m not making a case for selfishness, but to explore and test and try for what we believe God put in our hearts. These desires are not unimportant. Not any less important than the desires God gives to men. So why is it not sinful for men, and sinful for women? Women are human beings God has created, too.
#23- “My Husband Is Supposed to Serve Me.”
“… the ‘virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is so utterly selfless… she seems virtually unconcerned about her own interests and needs, choosing instead to focus on how she can meet the practical needs of her husband and children, as well as other in her community.”
Here it is again. We need to be careful here, lest we be led into codependency. It may sound spiritual to neglect your own well-being, but that is being irresponsible with what God has entrusted to us. We should be good stewards of our own well-being. If we are dry physically, emotionally, spiritually, then we have nothing to give to others.
I also believe in boundaries in marriage. Being a helping wife is not the same as being your husband’s mother.
#24- “If I Submit to My Husband I’ll Be Miserable.”
“God intended that authority should be a means of providing spiritual covering and protection… This is not to suggest that if a wife stays under authority, she will automatically be protected from all suffering or abuse;… According to Scripture, it is possible for a righteous, submissive person to suffer persecution, which may come in the form of abuse. The book of 1 Peter gives practical insight into God’s purposes in suffering and how to respond when we are called to suffer for righteousness’ sake.”
Probably this statement, out of all the others I disagreed with in the book had me choking. Major issue here! Marital abuse CANNOT be equated with religious persecution! I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where we are called to suffer abuse or that God wants us to. In fact, in Malachi 2:16 it says God hates it when husbands abuse their wives.
In the DVD version of “Lies Women Believe,” Nancy goes through a list of excuses why women can’t submit to their husbands and stay in a bad marriage. One of them is of a woman saying, “I can’t bear up under any more verbal attacks!” And Nancy says God says to that woman, “I know, by my grace is sufficient for you.” I think God is pained when someone thinks He calls women to submit themselves to any kind of abuse. That’s not how He treated women in the New Testament. The way Jesus treated women was revolutionary: appropriate & respectful conversation, touch, and attention.
“Submission is not about logic; it is about love. Jesus loved us so much that He voluntarily submitted to death on a cross. His command is that wives are to submit to their husbands.”
Yes—but not as Jesus loved the church and gave Himself up for it. That's the husband’s role in submission. Women are to submit as the church does to Christ. Beyond this, I think it’s up to each couple to decide for themselves how that submission looks like in their marriage.
Our husbands are not to be our highest authority.
#25- “If My Husband is Passive, I’ve Got to Take the Initiative, Or Nothing Will Get Done.”
“The couple is together in the Garden. The Serpent approaches them, ignores the man, and strikes up a conversation with the woman, fully aware that God has placed her under the authority of her husband and that both of them are under God’s authority. (Notice Satan’s strategy to subvert God’s authority structure by going directly to the woman.)… At this point, notice what the woman does not do. She does not acknowledge her husband, who is standing by her side. She does not say to the Serpent, ‘I’d like for you to meet my husband.’ She does not turn to her husband and ask, ‘Honey, how do you think we should respond?’ or ‘Adam, why don’t you tell him what God said to you.’ She carries on the entire conversation with the Serpent as if her husband is not there. Further, when it comes time to make a choice, she takes matters into her own hands. She does not consult with her husband on the matter; she does not ask his input or direction; she simply acts…”
When exactly did Eve sin? As she made the choice to eat the fruit, or before? My understanding has always been that it was as she made the choice. Yes, it would have been good if she had consulted with her husband about making such a big (and foolish) decision to disobey God. Who knows if Adam’s response would have been any different from Eve’s? He certainly didn’t try to stop her. But all this nitpicking about her consulting her husband over everything here isn’t spelled out in the Bible as sin. Frankly, I think that’s just our man-made rules. Wives are not to interact with their husbands as though they were little girls needing a parent. That’s not what submission is about.
“Over the years, women have insisted to me that their husbands’ passivitiy has ‘forced’ them to take over:
• “’My husband won’t work. If I didn’t go out and get a job, we would starve to death!’
• “’ If I let my husband take the lead in financial matters, he would drive us into bankruptcy.’
• “’ He just won’t get involved in the children’s lives. If I didn’t discipline them and make them do right, they would be out of control.’
“… At times I have asked women who are frustrated by the inactivity of their husbands, ‘What would happen if you didn’t jump in to handle the situation?’ You think you have to go to work because he won’t get a job? If he gets hungry, he will probably work! You feel you have to take charge of the finances because he is irresponsible with money? He may go bankrupt. But that may be exactly what it takes for God to get his attention and change his character. You must be willing to let him fail—believing that ultimately, your security is not in your husband but in a sovereign God who is not going to fail you.”
Seriously? These are the examples of excuses she comes up with? The Bible says that a man who does not provide for his family has denied the faith and is worse than unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8). She acts like it’s the worst sin in the world if a woman gets a job. She thinks bankruptcy will get a foolish husband’s attention? Not necessarily. Notice she doesn’t respond to the example of discipline of the kids. Are you’re supposed to let your kids get away with murder because you’re a woman and the virtue of not stepping on your passive husband’s toes is more important than raising your kids in the way they should go? What if the man is at work and not at home at the time?
Instead of letting all these things go to extremes, there is such a thing as boundaries in marriage. God gave us (yes, even us women) brains to think with and He expects us to use them. I have learned that when I use what God gave me to care for myself, I have a better sense of God watching over me.
April 27, 2019
Some pieces are just golden. Some take truthful elements and take gigantic leaps that go beyond what is supported by scripture.
January 23, 2016
This is an amazing read that encouraged my soul and helped me point my eyes God's kingdom and an eternal perspective! As women, it is so easy to be caught up in the things we need to do, the ways we wish people loved us, and the way we feel about ourselves and our circumstances. Nancy Leigh DeMoss cuts through all of that and proclaims the truth: that Jesus is enough. I recommend this to any woman in any stage of life who wants to deepen her faith and trust in the Lord and find her purpose in Him!
September 8, 2019
This book is a right wing, conservative, evangelical backlash against the third wave of feminism in the guise of self help. If you don't believe it, read a first edition copy of this book. The offensive labeling and language was toned down and made to sound a lot more palatable to women in later editions. But make no mistake, this is exactly what the book is. This is a book, no doubt, that patriarchal men would love their Angel in the House to read. I got it for a women's book group but could not stomach it. I would rate it zero stars if I could. I am paraphrasing this example but Your husband won't work? Don't get on him or go to work yourself...you'll emasculate the poor man- and he will work when he gets hungry enough. And did you know that women have poisonous souls that need to be routed out? You will find that exact language in the first edition of the book in the first few pages. It is reworded in later editions, but the author is just being sneaky about how she feels. I will NEVER read another work by this author. Women have worked too hard and too long to get to where we are. This kind of book should be a thing of the distant past. Do some research on this author. You will see she is anti-feminist.
April 28, 2018
Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free Study Guide is the perfect addition to the book. This workbook is full of scripture, self-help, and reflection that goes hand in hand while you read each chapter in Lies Women Believe (book). A study guide that will make you stop and think before answering. I enjoyed reading along and working in the workbook. The perfect set for any study group.
May 8, 2018
Lies Women Believe is a truthful and very open book written by Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth. A book that will open your mind to what God wants for us versus what society says we need. Wolgemuth writes with a loving hand and the honest truth about many of the struggles that women today face daily. This book is full of scripture and reflection that is sure to stay with you. Overall, a very inspiring read that will open your eyes and help you to better understand scripture.
June 13, 2018
This book and study were just what I needed at the moment I needed them. A great way to get yourself out of the lies from the enemy, to fight back, to show him we will not let him have strongholds in our minds! I only wish I would've read and went through the study earlier in life so I could've demolished the lies from the enemy sooner. I highly recommend this book and study for everyone at any time.
I received this book free in exchange for my honest opinion.
I received this book free in exchange for my honest opinion.
May 10, 2024
This book is by fundamentalist Christians for fundamentalist christians. Woven throughout the book you will find endless amounts of homophobia, transphobia, and internalised misogyny. Inexplicably ever chapter starts with a journal written from the perspective of "Eve" that have very little, if anything, to do with the actual contents of the Bible itself. Not worth the read but kind of fun as a hate read if you're into that kind of thing (I think you can tell from my history that I sure am)
March 28, 2019
Can’t say i totally agreed 100% with everything, but overall was blessed and challenged. I am now a woman that asks the question, “what is the truth in this situation?” God has worked in my heart and life as I worked through this book with a group of ladies from church. I am changed in a positive way from this study. Praise be to God!
July 16, 2019
Read and discussed with a group of women from church. Good resource for bible study and independent reading.
August 8, 2019
There is so much truth packed in these pages. It's definitely worth the time to read if you're willing to let God guide you through and show you the lies you're believing.
March 18, 2020
Split into 5 day reading schedules, it helps go through each lesson for leader and participant.
May 27, 2019
I would suggest that this book is an excellent resource to debunk Satan's (and Society's) lies.
Nancy wrote the first edition of this book ten years ago. But things have changed a lot and she wanted to speak on those changes and in some cases more clearly share her thoughts based on Biblical precepts.
Lies about trusting God
Seeing Myself as God Sees Me
Understanding Sin
Setting Priorities
Understanding God's Design for Sexuality (a completely new section written with the help of author Dannah 0resh)
Lies about Honoring God in My Marriage
Raising Children
Handling Emotions
Dealing With Circumstances
Walking in Freedom
As you can see, Nancy has covered it all rather extensively. And I would submit that the first topic of trusting God probably gets right to the basic problem. We don't trust God with our lives. Do we REALLY believe that God is Good and that He loves us implicitly? Can we REALLY be complete in God?
Nancy will take you through the scriptures and prove point by point that Satan is a liar and the author of confusion. She will present to you the TRUTH and back it all up with God's Word.
It's likely that there is a chapter or two here for you. You may be surprised at which lies you have swallowed whole. I would encourage you to pick up this updated and expanded version of her book and start reading it soon.
Oh, and be sure to purchase the workbook along with it. This will help you go deep into The Word and Find the "Truth That Sets You Free".
Nancy wrote the first edition of this book ten years ago. But things have changed a lot and she wanted to speak on those changes and in some cases more clearly share her thoughts based on Biblical precepts.
Lies about trusting God
Seeing Myself as God Sees Me
Understanding Sin
Setting Priorities
Understanding God's Design for Sexuality (a completely new section written with the help of author Dannah 0resh)
Lies about Honoring God in My Marriage
Raising Children
Handling Emotions
Dealing With Circumstances
Walking in Freedom
As you can see, Nancy has covered it all rather extensively. And I would submit that the first topic of trusting God probably gets right to the basic problem. We don't trust God with our lives. Do we REALLY believe that God is Good and that He loves us implicitly? Can we REALLY be complete in God?
Nancy will take you through the scriptures and prove point by point that Satan is a liar and the author of confusion. She will present to you the TRUTH and back it all up with God's Word.
It's likely that there is a chapter or two here for you. You may be surprised at which lies you have swallowed whole. I would encourage you to pick up this updated and expanded version of her book and start reading it soon.
Oh, and be sure to purchase the workbook along with it. This will help you go deep into The Word and Find the "Truth That Sets You Free".
July 13, 2022
Great Book
Read
December 8, 2017g ood insights
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