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America, But Better: The Canada Party Manifesto
As the American election increasingly resembles a production of CATS performed by actual cats, U.S. citizens are looking for a new leader. That leader is Canada, and they want your vote for president of the United States. Since launching their viral video campaign in January, the Canada Party has been covered around the world, including CNN, BBC, the Huffington Post, and German State Television. America, but the Canada Party Manifesto, balances the doctrine of American exceptionalism with a dose of Canadian humility and common sense to secure Canada as the new leader of the free world, by proxy. Their One gay couple will be allowed to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced. The phrase "job creators" will be changed to "job creationists," and they will be given seven days to actually create some.Corporations will still be people, but if they can't provide a birth certificate they will be legally obligated to care for your lawn. Corners will be installed in the Oval Office, and timeouts given to congressmen who can't play nice. Devoted to restoring America to its former glory, the Canada Party will soon have the whole world chanting, "Yes We Canada."
161 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2012
13 people are currently reading
120 people want to read
About the author
Chris Cannon
27 books18 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
September 25, 2012
Surely you saw the Canada Party's YouTube video! If not, go watch it now! It was released in January 2012, and little did I realize that it was actually a book trailer for the upcoming America, But Better: The Canada Party Manifesto. How exciting! The basic premise of the book is, the US is doing a poor job of governing itself so our "continental BFF" to the north is going to help us out. This book outlines a new approach to US politics provided by our Canuck cousins.
Of course, the manifesto is great. Canada has the answers to most of our social ills: environmental policy, overcrowded prisons, sex education, and more. Readers are instructed on the finer points of hockey, and an appendix featuring a glossary of Canadian terms ("The CBC found a toonie in its pocket, doubling the number of shows it can produce this year.") The Canada Party was even fortunate enough to secure a foreword by "penny aficionado" Abraham Lincoln, who laments, "I can't help wonder if I might have survived that night if my government had free health care, a more reasonable policy of gun control, a mastery of the apology, or even a national hockey program to help the North and the South settle their differences on the ice." The book features some very educational maps as a preface, including How America Sees Canada; How Canada Sees America; and the best of the three, How Mexico Sees Both of Us. Pull outs include the Canada Party's campaign promises ("Corporations will still be people, but if they can't provide a birth certificate they will be legally obligated to care for your lawn.") and Canafacts ("Canada's Radio Act forbids lying on broadcast news. Coincidentally, there are no Fox affiliates in Canada."). The book even features a few recipes, such as Soylent Seth Green!
As the book draws to a close, the tone gets a little more serious. The Canada Party reminds us of how "over time, media organizations (formerly known as 'the news') discovered there was ratings gold in giving airtime to the chronically obtuse." The writers note how comedy television shows have become some of the most trustworthy sources of information: "Imagine if our grandparents had considered Laugh-In a reliable source of information because they just couldn't trust that Cronkite fellow."
After reading their manifesto, I'm definitely tempted to vote for Canada for President. Yes We CANADA!
Of course, the manifesto is great. Canada has the answers to most of our social ills: environmental policy, overcrowded prisons, sex education, and more. Readers are instructed on the finer points of hockey, and an appendix featuring a glossary of Canadian terms ("The CBC found a toonie in its pocket, doubling the number of shows it can produce this year.") The Canada Party was even fortunate enough to secure a foreword by "penny aficionado" Abraham Lincoln, who laments, "I can't help wonder if I might have survived that night if my government had free health care, a more reasonable policy of gun control, a mastery of the apology, or even a national hockey program to help the North and the South settle their differences on the ice." The book features some very educational maps as a preface, including How America Sees Canada; How Canada Sees America; and the best of the three, How Mexico Sees Both of Us. Pull outs include the Canada Party's campaign promises ("Corporations will still be people, but if they can't provide a birth certificate they will be legally obligated to care for your lawn.") and Canafacts ("Canada's Radio Act forbids lying on broadcast news. Coincidentally, there are no Fox affiliates in Canada."). The book even features a few recipes, such as Soylent Seth Green!
As the book draws to a close, the tone gets a little more serious. The Canada Party reminds us of how "over time, media organizations (formerly known as 'the news') discovered there was ratings gold in giving airtime to the chronically obtuse." The writers note how comedy television shows have become some of the most trustworthy sources of information: "Imagine if our grandparents had considered Laugh-In a reliable source of information because they just couldn't trust that Cronkite fellow."
After reading their manifesto, I'm definitely tempted to vote for Canada for President. Yes We CANADA!
December 10, 2012
The Canada Party had a brilliant idea - with America looking for a new leader, why not elect CANADA?
Some great ideas for change in the manifesto as well - like one gay couple gets to marry for every straight couple that divorces. Or America can continue to consider corporations as people, but if it can't provide a birth certificate, it'll be considered an illegal immigrant.
At times biting, but always on the money, the manifesto was a good chuckle and a think. Probably a great way to see some differences between Canada & the US if you're from neither.
Some great ideas for change in the manifesto as well - like one gay couple gets to marry for every straight couple that divorces. Or America can continue to consider corporations as people, but if it can't provide a birth certificate, it'll be considered an illegal immigrant.
At times biting, but always on the money, the manifesto was a good chuckle and a think. Probably a great way to see some differences between Canada & the US if you're from neither.
August 22, 2012
I enjoyed this light read because it helped me laugh in the face of all the political mudslinging going on right now. Some points I agreed with, others not so much. But that wasn't really the point. It was refreshing to read something from an international point of view that kept me from taking myself too seriously.
October 4, 2012
America, But Better offers serious political criticism wrapped in a cloak of humor (to take the edge off). After watching the first presidential debate last night I wish I could really vote for these guys! This is definitely worth a read, especially if you enjoy tongue-in-cheek humor like Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert.
August 4, 2012
This book was as hilarious as it was accurate in its portrayals of both Canada and the United States; it poked fun at our shortcomings and stereotypes while providing a useful (albeit simplified) look into the countries' politics and relationship.
September 30, 2012
This book is funny - laugh out loud in some places - and yet it has a number of kernels of truth to it. It's a fast read and the right time for a lot of their points, of course, but I'm afraid they are probably mostly preaching to the converted.
August 14, 2012
This book was very well written and positively HILARIOUS. The funny thing is, even though it's technically a parody-type book, I would totally vote for a candidate if this was his platform! LOL!
November 18, 2012
This is an absolutely hilarious book! Everyone in both American AND Canada should read it it you like to laugh.
The book is a light-hearted, tongue-firmly-in-cheek offer for Canada to take on the Presidency of the United States to save America from itself. The bonus of this book is that the authors make at least as much - if not more! - fun of the stupid stuff in Canada, as they do of the U.S.
A couple of my fave passages:
"Making English the offical language for native English speakers"
Every American will be required to pas our EPL (English as a primary language) course. Sample lessons:
"Let's eat, people" - How commas can prevent a Zombie Apocalypse
"Using "Like" as an Adverb: Why People, Like, Want to Kill you when you do that
"Irregardless, Orientate, and other words that reflect on your value as a Human Being
In addition to written quizzes, all citizens will be required to pass oral exams to demonstrate a basic grasp of diction and pronunciation. For instance, when you utter the phrase: "We will use nukes to fight terrorism", the audience should not be hearing the word "tourism". It confuses the terrorists, and frightens the tourists.
We will build special reeducation facilities for people who pronounce "America" as if it has only two syllables. The United States is a proud country, with proud vowels. It doesn't need a nickname.
"Understanding Hockey, from the country that gave you Football & Basketball"
The concept of sports as a metaphor for war goes back as far as sports, metaphors and war. Early athletic competitions were little more that wars with sidelines . . .
As Canadians find actual wars costly and inconvenient, we've become purists in the realm of sports, choosing to honor our athletic forebears by conducting all our murder, rape and pillaging in controlled sixty-minute sessions on Saturday afternoons.
Because we also prize our dry sense of humor, we hold this sport on a sheet of ice, combining the grace of carefee skating with the brutality of beating your colleagues with large wooden sticks. Fights are encouraged. Helmets are worn for show. Teeth are a luxury. We call it "hockey" and it is Canada's theatre of war.
On Education
Students will also benefit from our plan to provide teachers - America's most underappreciated cat-herders - some well deserved rest. First, we will transfer Guantanamo detainees to Thule Air Base, near the arctic circle . . . we'll see how desert-born terrorists react to snowboarding instead of waterboarding.
The dentention facilities will be converted into a special holiday resort big enough to provide every teacher in the U.S. an annual vacation, where they will be pampered with sunny beaches, spa treatments, and personal valets whose main function will be to tell them they are doing a good job. The length of these vacations will be directly proportional to the difficulty of the teachers' work. Inner city teachers will get three weeks every year. The art teacher at New York's Dalton school will be allowed to press her face against the airplane window as it flies over the island.
The entire book is just as funny as these passages and if you have a sense of humour, this will be a hugely entertaining read for either Canadians or Americans. Highly recommended.
The book is a light-hearted, tongue-firmly-in-cheek offer for Canada to take on the Presidency of the United States to save America from itself. The bonus of this book is that the authors make at least as much - if not more! - fun of the stupid stuff in Canada, as they do of the U.S.
A couple of my fave passages:
"Making English the offical language for native English speakers"
Every American will be required to pas our EPL (English as a primary language) course. Sample lessons:
"Let's eat, people" - How commas can prevent a Zombie Apocalypse
"Using "Like" as an Adverb: Why People, Like, Want to Kill you when you do that
"Irregardless, Orientate, and other words that reflect on your value as a Human Being
In addition to written quizzes, all citizens will be required to pass oral exams to demonstrate a basic grasp of diction and pronunciation. For instance, when you utter the phrase: "We will use nukes to fight terrorism", the audience should not be hearing the word "tourism". It confuses the terrorists, and frightens the tourists.
We will build special reeducation facilities for people who pronounce "America" as if it has only two syllables. The United States is a proud country, with proud vowels. It doesn't need a nickname.
"Understanding Hockey, from the country that gave you Football & Basketball"
The concept of sports as a metaphor for war goes back as far as sports, metaphors and war. Early athletic competitions were little more that wars with sidelines . . .
As Canadians find actual wars costly and inconvenient, we've become purists in the realm of sports, choosing to honor our athletic forebears by conducting all our murder, rape and pillaging in controlled sixty-minute sessions on Saturday afternoons.
Because we also prize our dry sense of humor, we hold this sport on a sheet of ice, combining the grace of carefee skating with the brutality of beating your colleagues with large wooden sticks. Fights are encouraged. Helmets are worn for show. Teeth are a luxury. We call it "hockey" and it is Canada's theatre of war.
On Education
Students will also benefit from our plan to provide teachers - America's most underappreciated cat-herders - some well deserved rest. First, we will transfer Guantanamo detainees to Thule Air Base, near the arctic circle . . . we'll see how desert-born terrorists react to snowboarding instead of waterboarding.
The dentention facilities will be converted into a special holiday resort big enough to provide every teacher in the U.S. an annual vacation, where they will be pampered with sunny beaches, spa treatments, and personal valets whose main function will be to tell them they are doing a good job. The length of these vacations will be directly proportional to the difficulty of the teachers' work. Inner city teachers will get three weeks every year. The art teacher at New York's Dalton school will be allowed to press her face against the airplane window as it flies over the island.
The entire book is just as funny as these passages and if you have a sense of humour, this will be a hugely entertaining read for either Canadians or Americans. Highly recommended.
August 12, 2016
Rating: 4 Stars
I picked this book up, because I was in the mood for something light, and a change from my fictional narratives. I’ve also been an avid follower of the Canada Party on youtube, and they’re just great. It’s fun, and frivolous, and as a Canadian, it makes you feel a little bit smug.
It keeps things rather simplified, but that is appropriate for the purpose of the piece. It’s well written, and thoroughly enjoyable.
I’d have liked it to be a little bit longer. It was a bit too short and it just left me wanting so much more. There were some great ideas that were brought up, and it gave me quite a good chuckle.
I picked this book up, because I was in the mood for something light, and a change from my fictional narratives. I’ve also been an avid follower of the Canada Party on youtube, and they’re just great. It’s fun, and frivolous, and as a Canadian, it makes you feel a little bit smug.
It keeps things rather simplified, but that is appropriate for the purpose of the piece. It’s well written, and thoroughly enjoyable.
I’d have liked it to be a little bit longer. It was a bit too short and it just left me wanting so much more. There were some great ideas that were brought up, and it gave me quite a good chuckle.
October 29, 2012
It gets a 3 for premise but a 1 for execution, resulting in the 2 star rating. Humour is so hard to judge and while this book tries to make the argument that the Canada Party would be great for America, I think the writing and rationale behind some of the themes are a little too satirical to follow. Instead of using the standard tropes or commonly-held perceptions about Canada, it might be nice to focus on some of Canada's lesser know facts or so-called "advantages" (if we had any!). Sometimes I think Canadians are a little too funny and too smart for its good when it comes to writing...
June 28, 2014
The wonderful thing about this book, is that in addition to having some incredible satire, it paints a picture of what the U.S. might look like if it was ruled by common sense instead of lust for power. It's an incredibly hilarious and thought provoking little piece.
The chapter the made me laugh at loud as soon as I saw it was probably Weed. Sweet, sweet weed. Is that enough incentive for you to read this?
The chapter the made me laugh at loud as soon as I saw it was probably Weed. Sweet, sweet weed. Is that enough incentive for you to read this?
May 6, 2013
Bitingly sarcastic, hilarious, and accurate. Some of my favorite suggestions from the Canada Party (that's right, the whole country is running for US President) include allowing one gay marriage per traditional marriage divorce, pundits can't call themselves "journalists", and if a corporation is a person, they must provide a birth certificate or be deported/work on your lawn.
August 26, 2016
Surprisingly observant of both America's and Canada's shortcomings, it is able to avoid devolving into simple America bashing. The book works best when it doesn't overdue the comedy, a balance it seldom masters, leaving it only funny at times.
December 29, 2012
5 stars and only halfway through!
August 1, 2012
Quite funny.
August 16, 2012
Bless this book. Hilarious and yet gave amazing insights at the same time!
September 10, 2012
a quick read that posits canada as our president and covers about every cliche concerning our two countries that exist. worth the effort if you need some humor. some coarse language.
September 11, 2012
Funny! A unique look at the United States from the civilized side of the 49th Parallel.
September 13, 2012
highly recommended for anyone with a sense of humor!
February 20, 2013
Hilarious and quick. Wished that I had read this last fall when the campaigning was becoming more painful by the day. I wanna be a member of The Canada Party!
September 25, 2012
hilarious! and quite clever.
November 11, 2012
funny quick read
November 10, 2012
A hilarious book, with truth scattered throughout. Well worth a read if you enjoy humour like Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart.
January 11, 2013
Better, indeed, eh?
May 19, 2014
Much of the book is generic America-bashing instead of humor about the positives that could be brought to the US by adopting Canadian principles.
December 16, 2013
Very funny but also dead on in its description of the problems confronting the good old USA.
February 6, 2014
Funny ideas on how Canada could run USA best
July 12, 2014
A humorous and light read over a quick road trip. Loved the jokes!
September 3, 2014
It was okay. It's hard to read anything that's written sarcastically for long stretches but overall the book was funny with some fair points.
March 8, 2016
A parody of the excesses of the U.S. that also takes shots at the strange habits of Canadians. Quite funny.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews