Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns

by Brenda Smith Myles, Jack Southwick

Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments offers both parents and professionals tried-and-true solutions to minimize the often frightening circumstances that surround the rage cycle - not only for the child with Asperger Syndrome but others in the environment as well. With a major section on interventions, this highly practical resource also focuses on the reactions of the adults around the child. The book takes the reader through the stages of the rage cycle and emphasizes the importance of utilizing the teachable moments before and after a rage episode.

Genres: Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Parenting, Self Help, Psychology, Reference

176 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could recommend only one book for parents and teachers of children with autism, it would be Difficult Moments.

This book changed our lives. I read it shortly after my oldest child was diagnosed at age 8. At the time I was confused about how handle meltdowns. The (often unsolicited) advice I received was critical of my gentle, accommodating style of parenting, implying this was WHY my child was having negative behaviors. He was, they said, "manipulating" me so I needed to "not give into him" and "show him who's boss." However, when I was more firm and less flexible, it only served to increase the frequency and duration of meltdowns. Just as importantly, this less-than compassionate view of my child didn't FEEL right. When I looked at my sweet son as he endured an obviously painful meltdown, what I saw was genuine distress. He wasn't choosing to misbehave, he needed HELP. Many times as I held my crying son I cried too because I didn't know what to do to help him.

Difficult Moments HELPS. It breaks meltdowns into easily identified, understandable components: Rumble, Rage and Recovery. It provides concrete examples of supports & interventions to prevent many (if not most) meltdowns, strategies for supporting individuals through meltdowns when they occur and steps to avoid re-escalation afterward. It's tone is practical and matter-of-fact: here's what to do. It's customizable to meet the needs of each individual and provides the tools to develop an easy-to-follow plan, allowing parents and teachers to be calmer and support children more effectively when emotions are running high for all.

Eventually all three of my children were diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. They are now 14, (nearly) 19 and 22 years old. I've been utilizing the strategies in the first edition of this book for almost 14 years. As a result, meltdowns are extremely rare in our home and I can't recall the last one that occurred when we were out in the community together. Viewing and responding to their behavior with compassion and support, rather than inflexibility and threats of punitive measures during the "rumbling" that signals mounting distress, the "rage" of meltdowns and allowing time for "recovery" has helped my children and I build trust. Over time this has helped them stretch more during challenging situations because they KNOW I've got their back. We've also experienced many other benefits from using the strategies in Difficult Moments:

--As my kids have grown, so has their understanding of their own triggers and the supports they need at each level. This has helped them become increasingly better self-advocates.
--Occasionally biological causes, such as illness or medication changes can trigger meltdowns. However, by providing supports and addressing the rumble stage appropriately, together we manage to get through countless extremely challenging medical situations not only without meltdowns, but with my kids' cooperation and active participation.
--In school, my children's meltdowns have waxed and waned over the years; diminishing in frequency and intensity in direct response to the staff's awareness and willingness to follow the strategies and interventions in this book. After staff have received training on the Rage Cycle there is a noticeable shift in the more positive way they view and respond to my children's challenging behavior.

Difficult Moments gave me permission to be the kind of mom I needed to be to these three wonderful human beings who face so many challenges on a daily basis. If you experience your own difficult moments and you don't know what to do, buy this book and follow these strategies. It has never failed me yet!

I also highly recommend the DVD of the same title, particularly for staff because it's short and to the point with useful visuals throughout.

[SHR · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a great book for explaining why meltdowns happen and for trying to change people’s understanding of motivations for the AS child, but it fails to offer any real solutions.

It is full of forms that can be used by teachers to assess what happens in the pre-rage stage and the rage stage and offers forms for strategic plans to be mapped out, so that all of the people dealing with the child can be consistent, which would be helpful to teachers, but there is no real practical advice on how to deal with rage and meltdowns for parents of an AS child, which made it of limited use to me.
Parents at the beginning of the journey might find it more useful.

[Corinne Yee · Rating 2 out of 5]

First, the language was outdated and very ableist. It is clear they have never talked with autistic people about how they perceive the world. That being said, there were a few tips that seemed they may be helpful to me as a parent.

[Valerie R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good description of reactions, but not as much practical help for older teens and young adults as one would like.

[Tutsy Asmus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not just for ASD at all, lots of intervention ideas for all challenging behavior.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book was not very informative to me at my point in the walk of raising two teens with Aspergers. I would recommend to a family that is new to the diagnosis though.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book for resources. There are a lot of books used to piece together this book, it was a bit overwhelming for me jumping from one subject to the next and mixing different theories (mindsets) together like this. I did find some helpful information, but I also found some things I did not agree with. There are definitely some great strategies here, but also the one size fits all overall tone of the book was a book offputting for me. It also seemed more geared toward making Autistics more "normal" or less autistic and I have an issue with that approach. I do recommend it for useful materials inside, especially the chapter on the Rage Cycle, but be aware some of the language and data is outdated, and you can tell that mostly Academics were involved in writing this book.

[Virginia · Rating 5 out of 5]

My child does not have Asperger, but I wish I had read this book years ago!! This book is so helpful for ANY parent dealing with difficult moments that ordinary parenting books just don't seem to cover. If you know your child shows rage, meltdowns, etc. that are atypical and all the usual parenting solutions just DON"T work, give this book a try. I feel like my eyes have been opened. It is not an easy fix, but at least I feel like I have a road to travel down.

I rarely buy books, but I will this one because I can tell I will need to reference it often. A lot of the book is geared towards educators, but I still found those parts helpful as well.

[Mrs. Missive · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the first books I've read on Aspergers specifically. It's a short book, so it's not really intimidating to try and conquer. The definitions are to the point, it has ideas on how to deal with your day-to-day issues, and really puts some tools in your hands.

I borrowed this from the library, but I have a feeling I will be visiting my local bookstore to have this bad boy for my shelf.

5 stars.

[Arlene Lauper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, excellent, excellent book. Every parent, teacher, caregiver or family member should take the time to read this book. Incredibly valuable information and resources compiled in one place. Life changing and eye opening for me. Raising an exceptionally special child with AS (love that lingo) is a daunting task, but this book provides real solutions and concrete intervention sources to assist the child's wraparound support team. I can't recommend this book enough!

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't actually have much to add to the reviews that were on Amazon. The book does seem to be full of real practical ideas for evaluating the issues (getting a handle on why things happen) and suggestions for helping allay the issues. It is largely focused on school interventions, which isn't appropriate for us right now, and I am not entirely sure which interventions to try. It might be a starting place, though.

[Su · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to admit that I was a little disappointed in this book. I was looking for concrete strategies on handling melt downs. While this book held a few helpful tips, it seemed more theoretical. Every chapter suggested more books to read. I read THIS book to learn how to help my son. Not to learn which books I should have read instead. The book was also written more for teachers or professionals.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome little book (100 pages) packed with information. Easy-to-read format for people who are learning about Asperger's Syndrome for the first time, or just need a "refresher". I give this to teachers I work with regularly to learn about Aspergers and gather some useful tools to use as well.

[Jo * Smut-Dickted * · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are looking for a book to assist with handling a child with behavior issues this is YOUR BOOK. Solid practical advice from a variety of viewpoints (you'll see stuff in here that looks like ABA, RDI, etc). Great suggestions and plans. This is a MUST buy!

[Annette Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know what I would have done without this book. This was so great for helping me understand "neurological storms" and the techniques have helped me learn how to recongize the signs of a melt down and avoid them.

[Nancy (Colorado) · Rating 3 out of 5]

For school

[Briana]

“Miles' Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments is more approriate to school aged children”