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I Would Have Loved Him, If I Had Not Killed Him
In Brasilia, Fernando, a film director, and Andrea, an antiques dealer, sift through emphemeral clues from the past to substantiate Andrea's story that her aunt Guilhermina had murdered her husband.
199 pages, Paperback
First published July 15, 1994
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About the author
Edgard Telles Ribeiro
20 books12 followersEscritor e diplomata, Edgard Telles Ribeiro foi tambem jornalista, cineasta e professor de cinema. Seu romance de estreia, O criado-mudo, foi publicado nos Estados Unidos, Alemanha, Holanda e Espanha. Um de seus contos (do livro No coracao da floresta) foi incluido em antologia sobre literatura latino-americana contemporanea lancada nos EUA pela Plume/Penguin Books. O romance Olho de rei (Record, 2005) recebeu o Premio da Academia Brasileira de Letras para Melhor Obra de Ficcao 2006 (categoria romance, teatro e contos). Seu livro de contos, Historias mirabolantes de amores clandestinos (Record, 2004), ficou em segundo lugar no Premio Jabuti.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
April 29, 2013
Don't be fooled by the summary of the book posted on its GR page. It oversimplifies this novel, which isn't so much about an attempt to prove a decades-old murder, as it is an exploration of the tapestry of memories, stories, speculations, and images that make up the narratives of our lives. Ribeiro wisely pays equal attention to the silences in these stories, the shadows that obscure our motivations from ourselves as well as from others.
As a historian, I am drawn to novels that are built on a framework of fragmented clues from the past, so this novel was perfect for me. It opens in Brazil as Fernando, our first narrator, meets Andrea, whom he knew years before in LA when Andrea was appearing in Fernando's only film. He was captivated by her during the filming, so he is surprised and delighted to find her at her antiques store, the Night Stand. As he and Andrea rekindle their relationship, they are drawn together by Andrea's stories of her great-aunt Guilhermina, who provided the funding for the store. Andrea, surprising herself, begins to tell Fernando a haunting story of Guilhermina's great secret: she killed her much-older husband by locking him in a wine cellar until he died of starvation. Guilhermina explains that she was motivated by a desire for retribution for her husband's raping her on their wedding night when she was 14 years old.
These aspects of Guilhermina's past are not spoilers, but instead provide the framework for the novel. Fernando becomes captivated by Guilhermina's story, and urges Andrea to share with him all the details of Guilhermina's life that she can remember. The two visit the farm where Guilhermina died, and pore over a hatbox containing letters, photographs, and other clues to Guilhermina's past. In the second part of the novel, Andrea tells her side of the story, including her uneasy reactions to Fernando's stated desire to write a screenplay based on Guilhermina's life. She doubts Fernando's ability to do Guilhermina's story justice. As I read further, I could understand her position. Guilhermina's story could easily be simplified as a Brazilian Gothic tale, but that would do an injustice to Guilhermina, who emerges from the pages of this novel as a vibrant, sensual woman, captivating men and women with her long red hair, her brilliant eyes, and especially her open-armed approach to life. Much of the novel focuses on Guilhermina's travels in pre-WWII Europe as a young widow, where she made an indelible impression of a wide-ranging group of characters, from an aristocratic Italian family, to a procuress and nightclub owner, to a Parisian pianist, to a Danish balloonist.
The novel concludes in a final section that shows Fernando, in Paris for six weeks, seeking out people who can help him uncover more secrets of Guilhermina's life. In this section, as he does throughout the novel, Ribeiro presents a complex mosaic of memories and stories that cannot present a simplistic, unified image of Guilhermina. In death as in life, she would not be pinned down. And to me, that's one of the joys of this novel -- Ribeiro's willingness to present Guilhermina in all her complexity, not as evil or as innocent, but as a woman who refused to be limited by her birth and circumstances. Ribeiro also presents a complex view of memories and time and identity, in which Guilhermina emerges not as a portrait but as a kaleidoscope, with colors and light refracting from different people's views of her -- as well as of her own views of herself.
As a historian, I am drawn to novels that are built on a framework of fragmented clues from the past, so this novel was perfect for me. It opens in Brazil as Fernando, our first narrator, meets Andrea, whom he knew years before in LA when Andrea was appearing in Fernando's only film. He was captivated by her during the filming, so he is surprised and delighted to find her at her antiques store, the Night Stand. As he and Andrea rekindle their relationship, they are drawn together by Andrea's stories of her great-aunt Guilhermina, who provided the funding for the store. Andrea, surprising herself, begins to tell Fernando a haunting story of Guilhermina's great secret: she killed her much-older husband by locking him in a wine cellar until he died of starvation. Guilhermina explains that she was motivated by a desire for retribution for her husband's raping her on their wedding night when she was 14 years old.
These aspects of Guilhermina's past are not spoilers, but instead provide the framework for the novel. Fernando becomes captivated by Guilhermina's story, and urges Andrea to share with him all the details of Guilhermina's life that she can remember. The two visit the farm where Guilhermina died, and pore over a hatbox containing letters, photographs, and other clues to Guilhermina's past. In the second part of the novel, Andrea tells her side of the story, including her uneasy reactions to Fernando's stated desire to write a screenplay based on Guilhermina's life. She doubts Fernando's ability to do Guilhermina's story justice. As I read further, I could understand her position. Guilhermina's story could easily be simplified as a Brazilian Gothic tale, but that would do an injustice to Guilhermina, who emerges from the pages of this novel as a vibrant, sensual woman, captivating men and women with her long red hair, her brilliant eyes, and especially her open-armed approach to life. Much of the novel focuses on Guilhermina's travels in pre-WWII Europe as a young widow, where she made an indelible impression of a wide-ranging group of characters, from an aristocratic Italian family, to a procuress and nightclub owner, to a Parisian pianist, to a Danish balloonist.
The novel concludes in a final section that shows Fernando, in Paris for six weeks, seeking out people who can help him uncover more secrets of Guilhermina's life. In this section, as he does throughout the novel, Ribeiro presents a complex mosaic of memories and stories that cannot present a simplistic, unified image of Guilhermina. In death as in life, she would not be pinned down. And to me, that's one of the joys of this novel -- Ribeiro's willingness to present Guilhermina in all her complexity, not as evil or as innocent, but as a woman who refused to be limited by her birth and circumstances. Ribeiro also presents a complex view of memories and time and identity, in which Guilhermina emerges not as a portrait but as a kaleidoscope, with colors and light refracting from different people's views of her -- as well as of her own views of herself.
October 7, 2025
“ Tem o poder, que exerceu, de se recusar a abrir determinadas portas para mim. Mas não o de impedir que eu busque outras saídas. “
A história é meio sem nexo, trás personagens confusos , a escrita é confusa. Muitas vezes fala em outra língua sem tradução, o que dificulta compreender a história.
Por que não traduz tudo???
E no fim, a obsessão pela vida de Guilhermina levou a que ? Era para que ? No fim não foi nada com nada.
Eu acredito que o Henri era filho dela, acredito muito mas o livro não demonstra isso evidente.
Perderam um baita de um plot twist 😂
Enfimm: Não 🤡😞
- Referências: França | elefantes | circo | anãs verdes | balões | guerra | adega | Brasil | Rio de Janeiro | Boneca | Goiás.
• Romance: 2/5
• HOT: 1/5
• Insights: 2/5
• Drama: 2/5
• Chocante: 1/5
• Facilidade na leitura: 0/10
• Plot: -
• Personagens: 4/10
• Leitura no geral: 1/10
- Classificação indicativa: +16
A história é meio sem nexo, trás personagens confusos , a escrita é confusa. Muitas vezes fala em outra língua sem tradução, o que dificulta compreender a história.
Por que não traduz tudo???
E no fim, a obsessão pela vida de Guilhermina levou a que ? Era para que ? No fim não foi nada com nada.
Eu acredito que o Henri era filho dela, acredito muito mas o livro não demonstra isso evidente.
Perderam um baita de um plot twist 😂
Enfimm: Não 🤡😞
- Referências: França | elefantes | circo | anãs verdes | balões | guerra | adega | Brasil | Rio de Janeiro | Boneca | Goiás.
• Romance: 2/5
• HOT: 1/5
• Insights: 2/5
• Drama: 2/5
• Chocante: 1/5
• Facilidade na leitura: 0/10
• Plot: -
• Personagens: 4/10
• Leitura no geral: 1/10
- Classificação indicativa: +16
June 9, 2023
Novela desigual que relata la historia aparente del reencuentro entre dos amantes, Fernando y Andrea.
Andrea recibe de una tía abuela, Guilhermina, una herencia entre las que se encuentran una mesilla que contiene cartas, datos, documentos y fotos de la fallecida.
Y esa historia del reencuentro se pierde por la obsesión de Fernando de saber la historia de Guilhermina.
No está del todo mal, pero los personajes iniciales son relegados a nada, ni siquiera como mero pretexto para contar esta otra historia funciona del todo.
Algunos capítulos están bien escritos, con una narración que fluye en una historia llena de lujuria y venganza, pero se vuelve tan repetitivo que cansa.
October 25, 2010
good idea for a story. about a woman, who as a 14 year old is married off to a rich, old, fat coffee farmer who rapes her. then she plots for 9 years on how to kill him.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews