Thank you Hachette Books Ireland and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. IYKYK, my reviews are always honest.
2.5 rounded down
Writing: 2.5/5 | Plot: 2.5/5 | Ending: you're trolling/5
SYNOPSIS
James and Bella seem to live a charmed life. But when the high-flying lawyer makes a connection with Charlotte, the IT help desk employee tasked with retrieving his lost files, and Bella returns to her PhD thesis, things get reaaaalllll ugly.
MY OPINION
This book was very much MEH. It's one of those times I really wish Goodreads would toss us those .5 ratings. A 2 is kinda harsh but a 3 is way too generous. Tbh I considered this a 2.5 rounded up for most of the book until the ending said hold my beer and tanked harder than the NASDAQ in 2008.
The plot relies solely on the unwillingness of any of characters to properly communicate. If they could just sit down and have an adult conversation, the whole ting would've been a wrap in about 30 minutes. And lastly, before I get into some spoilies, nothing really pops off until about 50%. It's a lot of conversational monologuing and setting the scene and then BAM! sh!t starts going sideways and comes to a very abrupt, jarring ending. The book could've been about 100 pages shorter.
SPOILERS SCROLL AHEAD
I'm actually going to kick things off by talking about the end. What in the flying fk was THAT?????? Is this a joke??? The ending was so Scooby Doo, it's actually an insult to Scooby himself. It made Scooby look like Raymond Reddington from Blacklist. In true Scooby Doo fashion, the whole gang is rounded up for the big reveal and subsequent walkthrough of events. After the final showdown, the detective asks — without cautioning nor arresting anyone — "Was that your plan all along then?" and "How were you involved?" and "What did you decide to do?" in the middle of the living room with a de@d body on the floor. At one point, the baddie says "that pretty much sums it up." You actually can't be serious??? Was this really the best you could do????
Ok so moving on from that asstastic ending, we have the next bane of my existence: Bella. JFC. Write a more unlikable character, I dare you. And at the end, I still wasn't clear what role she was meant to play. Protagonist? Antihero? Nah. Just a super twat. She is completely insufferable and irrational. So she sends a soul-baring email to her husband, which is deleted by his jealous side ting, and when he doesn't acknowledge it because he never even saw it, she decides the rational move is to sleep with the supply teacher at her school???????
You couldn't even light his phone up with some angry texts demanding an explanation? They've been married for quite some time, too. This isn't early days in a relationship where you're still pretending you aren't crazy enough to double-text. Nah, us married homies will double, triple, quadruple text your ass until we get an answer. The first resort should not be to blow up your entire marriage with an affair. And then when he confronts her, she's like "yeah and I LIKED IT!! Should've slobbed on his knob too!!!!" bro what??? Aren't you supposed to be getting your PhD in PSYCHOLOGY??? You have the emotional maturity of my dog Nobu's wet farts. Stop it. Stop it right now.
Now, if she was intentionally unlikeable... ok I guess? But we still didn't get any background into WHY she's such an annoying, selfish, emotionally immature whacko. Yeah her parents showed up to the wedding and were like oh btw she cray cray, but it never went farther than that. WHY was she cray cray??? Give me a lil abusive childhood or something. I can't accept this LOL.
I thought after the confession ting, James would finally locate his scrotum and leave her ass and her funky ass seasonal furniture, but nope. Bella went full delusional and was like "ok so we both cheated. and yes I did throw a bottle at you and break a wine glass over your head. but, I forgive you and let's move on." and james is like "omg tysm!!!" WHAT??? There was literally NO ONE to cheer for. I guess Charlotte but she was very weird. How do you not remember your dad yet do the most to avenge his death? Why was she such a stalker to begin with??? Who forgives their BFF for shebanging their dad's murderer??? Jail. All of them.
PROS AND CONS
Pros: the premise was interesting, James' pov was funny at times
Cons: plot relied on miscommunication, characters sucked ass, ending was basically a hate crime against my eyes and brain, too long... too much time spent on setting the scene