This is My Daughter

by Roxana Robinson

When Peter and Emma, both refugees from failed first marriages, decide to create a new life together, they do so with an optimistic commitment to creating a union -- and forging a new family from two existing ones -- bonded by love and trust. Their young daughters, however, are not partners in this new venture, but helpless participants. Like all children of divorce, the girls feel sorrow, loss, and a longing for their earlier lives. As the tensions and complexities grow steadily more powerful, This Is My Daughter moves inexorably to a stunning and emotional climax. Roxana Robinson, who has established a reputation as a perceptive chronicler of WASP family life, delivers a beautifully moving and compassionate account of a marriage in peril, proving once more that class and privilege provide no protection from the passion of opposing desires.

Genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Contemporary, Novels, Roman, Family, Relationships

416 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Roxana Robinson is the author of eight works of fiction, including the novels Cost and Sparta. She is also the author of Georgia O’Keeffe: A Life. A former Guggenheim Fellow, she edited The New York Stories of Edith Wharton and wrote the introduction to Elizabeth Taylor’s A View of the Harbour, both published by NYRB Classics. Robinson is currently the president of the Authors Guild.

Reviews

[boogenhagen · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a depressing book, all I can say is that Peter and Emma both were pretty excrement excuses for parents and I hated the way they made Amanda, Peter's daughter the scapegoat for their own inadequacies.

Peter has a moment in the story where he panics that his daughter will grow up and ignore him. Honestly, I couldn't imagine a better outcome - I hated Emma and Peter that much. My hope is that Amanda decides she doesn't want them in her life - Peter can just write her a big check and Amanda can move on - no one needs scum sucking parasite slime like these people as parents or even step parents.

Unfortunately it was hard for me to give a good rating to this book, although it is VERY well written, perhaps too much so, since I despised the hypocritical twat that Emma was and wanted to run Peter over with a car myself. I had tons of empathy for Amanda, she was the real fall out with the most damage in this book, and I really wanted a happier ending for her.

Sadly, it was all too true to life in that the one who earns it least gets the most damage and there wasn't even a decent outcome to soothe my outrage in the end. Though the book is an excellent reason for not EVER granting absent father's ANY type of parental rights or visitation - especially when they take up with utter twats.

[Fredsky · Rating 3 out of 5]

The hazards of marriage, once again. In fact, the hazards of divorce and remarriage with children. Once I was engaged in this book, I did find it compelling. But I didn't like any of the characters very much. Mostly I identified with sullen, horrible Amanda, who did not smile falsely to her stepmother or to her own father, either. This book was a great illustration of the pain of pain and the suffering of suffering.

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love these stories of everyday family life in north-eastern USA. You read between the lines to understand what is really meant and how people are really feeling and Roxana Robinson does it better than anyone. Better than Elizabeth Strout. And this is her best book (in my opinion). Read it - you'll like it.

[Sunni · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was disappointed with this one. I had heard the author talk about it on that A&E Sunday morning book review and thought it was going to be about a woman who goes through the trials and tribulations of being a stepmother only to "discover" a bond with the stepdaughter. Not what it was about. It was pretty dull, the writer superficially overdescribed all the settings and people. Instead of gently "painting a picture" in my mind, I was distracted by her minutia.

[Shawn]

Couldn't put it down...seems like an honest account of how divorcing with children would feel to everyone involved...parents, child, stepparent, etc.

[Margo Littell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A cringe-inducing exploration of the suffocating fact that even the most resentful, hateful ex-spouses are permanently bound to each other when a child is involved. The unfortunate choices of Peter and Emma come fast and furious in this novel, from their decisions to leave their spouses to their fraught attempts to form a new family. But just when readers might tire of these former couples' seething anger and regret, their exasperating arguments and accusations, Robinson turns her attention to the true victims of the two broken marriages--the children, Tess and Amanda. With the exception of young Tess, not one of these characters is easy to like, and when the worst happens, the blame feels universal.

[Cathleen Bell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this a few years ago - what I remember is... so many details. I felt the unfairness of the situation - how ill used everyone felt and my urge was to say: Just stay married!!! And I just loved how in the end it was just that the "bad" daughter needed some attention from her dad and when she got it it was like the waters were calmed. I think that such a generous and true way of seeing the world. It's been a lesson for me in terms of how families should just relax and be with each other. Thank you, Roxana Robinson!

[Di Schelp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not Roxana Robinson's best. An interesting exploration of the aftermath of divorce, custodial and non-custodial children and the blended family. Robinson nails some moments of reality with her incisive prose and insightful eye for detail.

My biggest problem with the book was that it was slow...not as compelling as some of her others.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me forever to get through this book! It had a good story but it was convoluted with uninteresting details that really weren't necessary. I found myself getting frustrated and bored with these long descriptions so I'd put the book down. It's too bad because I liked the story and would have recommended the book to others had it not had so many long descriptive tangents in it.

[Lynn Harpham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another good Roxana Robinson read. Compelling characters and the pace is terrific.

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

Soooo....I discovered Roxana Robinson through a review of her most recent book, Leaving, in The New York Times. It didn't help that I read Leaving just prior to reading this one: there were so many similarities that it felt, in retrospect, that RR simply wrote Leaving as a 21st Century remake of This Is My Daughter. (What is with the name Warren? Both books had a male character with this name, and both were essentially jerks.)

A bunch of unlikeable, or rather inconsistent, characters. I had to wonder why Emma married either Warren or Peter, both of whom pretty much shat on her with regularity. Amanda, the most screwed up one, was both obnoxious and pitiable.

Oddly, the plot line itself was generally fine. The bouncing POVs (I really hate that), Peter's constant rage, and worst of all, the dense, bloated writing. I thought Leaving was more beautifully written, but against the backdrop of this one, I now think that Ms. Robinson must get paid by the word. Say something, say it again, then say what you just said. Throw in an excessive amount of adverbs and adjectives, and voila, here we are. This really could have been much tighter.

[Irma Myers-Donihoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read. While there is a big scene towards the end, this is more of a slice of life style book. Each chapter ends like there will be a payoff, but no the characters just go on. They're fairly likable and we see the 4 main characters in depth, but there's not a lot of meat. Still, an enjoyable read.

[Dean · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think Roxana Robinson is a fine writer. Check out my other reviews of her mostly solid novels, "Cost" (the best of the bunch), "Leaving," "Sweetwater" and "Sparta," in that order.

But this one? I can't even remember the plot, and it wasn't so long ago that I read it. You should find her other books, not this one.

[Allison Malter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Deliberate, intense, expressive, this novel about a couple in their 2nd marriage and their two daughters, seems (as one character describes a book he is reading) to move “irrevocably toward [its] own doom.” Despite that sense of dread, I really enjoyed this book and the characters within it.

[Diana Mack · Rating 2 out of 5]

peter, divorced with child, marries emma, divorced with child. wonderful story of how hard it can be to blend families and how simple misunderstandings can explode.
why only 2 stars? simple...the ending. all sweetly, unrealistically tied up pretty with a bow in less than 10 pages

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can relate all too well to the difficulties of blended families. It does give some good food for thought on the subject, and I would recommend it to anyone thinking of creating a blended family.

[Marilyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

initially engaging but too wordy and meandering. did not feel the ending supported the development of the characters.

[Kate · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. Utterly unredemptive story about a doormat masquerading as a woman, wife, mother.

[Anne Caverhill · Rating 4 out of 5]

No one describes upper east side, WASPY, snobs better and then with a candid charm , does an even better job of dissecting it. In this book, the author again succeeds with her playful, candour but goes even further as she tells the painful story of divorced parents trying to merge two families into one. Although there is some success with loveable Tess, the story bristles with honesty as the older Amanda tries to make her way through her dads new life. Dressing all in blacks and frumpy greys with a green streak through her pitch black dyed hair, the writing makes you feel like you either know Amanda or she’s some dank part of yourself that you don’t trust anyone to love. And that in essence is this story.

[Carrie Cantalupo-Sharp · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this author. She really explores the emotional and mental state of her characters as they grow and learn thru their lives. Her character development is so believable and relatable.

After the accident I was worried if this book would fall apart. All of it was believed but felt like the characters were careening out of control. In conclusion-she was being intellectually honest about what each person must be thinking and feeling.

My only disappointment was in the character Amanda. Her switch at the end was hard to believe. And she should no remorse at any point in the book. She was hard for even me to like.

[Kathleen Hulser · Rating 3 out of 5]

Detailed intricate portrait of relationships. Robinson is unsentimental about children: the daughters of the divorced protagonists constantly frown, shriek and beat their little feet on the floor. The kids wallow in great waves of jealousy, reacting to trouble with fierce possessiveness. Feelings are complicated for the two recent divorcees, Emma and Peter. "All she knew was the small raised spine of that continent [Peter's former marriage], the narrow rocky range of unhappiness Peter had exposed." Emma is more nervous as second time bride, than she was for the first wedding. The landscape is pockmarked with little mounds of anxiety, can you ever really know another person? Emma worries that Peter still loves his ex-wife, although she consoles herself by thinking it would at least prove he could love. I especially appreciate the fine tuning of the emotions, Robinson listens attentively to the human heart.

[SMC · Rating 3 out of 5]

waiting for something to happen…..

The first half of the book is kind of boring…..nothing exciting happens until halfway through. And even then, it’s a LOOOOOOTTTTT of the thoughts of the characters and very repetitive and drawn out. Ok we get it. You feel like a horrible father, a terrible husband, a non-caring wife and stepmom, but can we move on? And then,after all of these deep thoughts and ramblings-IT ENDS. As if the author got sick of her own writing and rambling, she decides to wrap it up in a half of a page! SO FRUSTRATING!

[Laura Moran · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked one of this author's other books very much ("Cost") so thought I'd give this one a try. It was a bit slow. Story focused on a blended family, each parent bringing their own daughter to the marriage and the tensions that result. About 3 quarters of the way through, it gets more interesting with an unfortunate event that serves as a catalyst for introspection and change. Good book, but not a great one.

[Drew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Roxana Robinson is so good at writing the complexity of feelings and the nuance of situations.

I just recently discovered this writer, and first read "Leaving," published in 2024, which I found stellar. "This is My Daughter" is an earlier book (1998), and it feels clunky and bloated. While well written, it could use a great deal of tightening. Still, it's satisfying to see the evolution of an excellent novelist.

[Caroline Igra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Robinson writes exquisitely, placing her readers deep into the characters' minds and creating vivid worlds so close to our own that they are almost painful. This novel explores the fallout of divorce for both the adults and the children. Stretching beyond mother-daughter relationships, it tackles the complicated subject of stepchildren and whether love can be acquired or comes naturally from within.

[Sharon Warner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Because I so enjoyed Robinson's novel, Cost I turned immediately to another of her family stories, This Is My Daughter. I didn't find this novel nearly as compelling, but I did finish it. The plot is unwieldy, the characters a little thin.

[Denise Cote · Rating 5 out of 5]

First book I have read by this author. After 10 pages, I was hooked. The story involves a couple getting married for the second time and each has a daughter. The husband's daughter is older and is determined to cause trouble in her dad's marriage. Highly recommended.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking tale of the effects of divorce on young girls.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very wordy.

[Mairi Byatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, one I had to finish, stayed up all night for this one! Wonderful writing by Roxana Robinson, will look out for her other novels!