[But Then Something Happened: A Story of Everyday Dementia] [Author: Carling, Chris] [July, 2012]

by Chris Carling

'But Then Something A Story of Everyday Dementia' is a moving and highly topical memoir dealing with a subject never far from the news, the increase in dementia in families. It tells the story of one family hit by a double dose of dementia, as Dad, Fred, develops vascular dementia at the same time as Mum, Mary, is struck by Alzheimer's. Fred and Mary are a quirky long-married couple with a relationship that's unique, as all marriages are. The focus of the story is on what happens to their couple, their long love story, as both gradually lose their minds. And on what happens to their relationship with their daughter, Chris, the narrator, who falls into an 'amateur carer' role, groping her way uncertainly around 'the system', learning at first hand how dementia changes everything in ordinary and extraordinary ways. The memoir is in two in Part One Chris tells the dramatic family story, with both warmth and humour. The writing is direct and honest, exploring the medical side of Alzheimer's and vascular dementia yet keeping the focus firmly on relationships and emotions. One highly original chapter includes 'Ten scenes of joy and sadness', written as mini-dramas to illustrate the way dementia sufferers still have a rich emotional life, a facet frequently ignored in the focus on dementia as loss of mind. Part Two is more reflective, a chance to stand back and ask questions such as why did we not see all this coming? It also provides an opportunity to examine what we can learn from dementia, the losses and (a very few) gains that dementia brings. A final Resources section lists organisations offering help and support.

Paperback

First published July 30, 2012

Reviews

[Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short but engrossing read about a writer who finds both of her similarly-aged parents suffering from different types of dementia at the same time. The book hits the ground running and soon moves the action into a care home, where it becomes a saga of failing physicality and memory and everyday life. It's simply written but extremely true to life because of that, and I soon found myself warming to Chris and the plight of both her and her parents. I did think that the last couple of chapters should have been at the beginning as they feel a bit plonked on at the end, but other than that this is a very good read.

[Wilde Sky · Rating 5 out of 5]

A woman describes the decline of her parents due to dementia.

I found this book very moving / thought provoking - anyone with elderly parents in care homes and / or reaching the end of their lives will probably recognise much of what is recounted in this book.

If you want to read one book on end of life / dementia I would recommend this one (above the others I’ve read).