What do you think?
Rate this book
I Survived: I Married a Charming Man. Then He Tried to Kill Me
A chilling, eye-opening story of marriage and attempted murder, revealing the truth about a case that made headlines around the world.
On Easter Sunday 2015, experienced skydiver Victoria Cilliers undertook a parachute jump, a gift from her husband, British Army Sergeant Emile Cilliers. Her parachutes failed to open, and she plummeted 4,000 feet to the ground, sustaining life-threatening injuries. Miraculously, she survived.
Then the police arrived at her door.
Someone had tampered with her parachute, and they suspected Emile.
In I Survived, Victoria describes how she fell for Emile and how the charming man she thought she knew gradually revealed a darker side, chipping away at her self-worth until she found it impossible to sift truth from lies.
Can she really believe that her husband - the father of their two young children - tried to kill her?
As more shocking revelations come to light and she has to face his trial and relentless media scrutiny, she struggles to come to terms with the past.
Even a guilty verdict does not free her because Emile is not ready to let her go.
Powerful and honest, I Survived is the story of a woman who was put through hell and yet found the strength to forge a new life for herself and her children.
Duration: 7 hours 36 minutes.
On Easter Sunday 2015, experienced skydiver Victoria Cilliers undertook a parachute jump, a gift from her husband, British Army Sergeant Emile Cilliers. Her parachutes failed to open, and she plummeted 4,000 feet to the ground, sustaining life-threatening injuries. Miraculously, she survived.
Then the police arrived at her door.
Someone had tampered with her parachute, and they suspected Emile.
In I Survived, Victoria describes how she fell for Emile and how the charming man she thought she knew gradually revealed a darker side, chipping away at her self-worth until she found it impossible to sift truth from lies.
Can she really believe that her husband - the father of their two young children - tried to kill her?
As more shocking revelations come to light and she has to face his trial and relentless media scrutiny, she struggles to come to terms with the past.
Even a guilty verdict does not free her because Emile is not ready to let her go.
Powerful and honest, I Survived is the story of a woman who was put through hell and yet found the strength to forge a new life for herself and her children.
Duration: 7 hours 36 minutes.
8 pages, Audible Audio
First published August 6, 2020
239 people are currently reading
1632 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 260 reviews
August 6, 2020
A strange book
That it is strange is unsurprising given that the very point of it is that the author was unable to see what a vile, manipulative man her husband was. It is a lesson for other abused wives.
Perhaps inevitably not one of the best written books I’ve read and the temptation to shout “Oh, for goodness sake” every time she made excuses for her husband, was almost overwhelming it comes across as a very truthful book.
I feel bad for giving it only three stars but that is only my judgement.
That it is strange is unsurprising given that the very point of it is that the author was unable to see what a vile, manipulative man her husband was. It is a lesson for other abused wives.
Perhaps inevitably not one of the best written books I’ve read and the temptation to shout “Oh, for goodness sake” every time she made excuses for her husband, was almost overwhelming it comes across as a very truthful book.
I feel bad for giving it only three stars but that is only my judgement.
December 27, 2021
It's terrible what Victoria had to go through, and I'm glad she survived, but as a book, this wasn't the best.
It was hard to connect to her, and it felt like she dismissed her husband's behaviour too easily over and over again.
She says something relating to this in the book, how she didn't fight for her former relationship where she got cheated on so she wanted to make this one work (I'm paraphrasing but that's the gist) and I can understand that, but at the same time, every bad situation her family was in was because of him and some part of her kept refusing to see that and it was so frustrating to read.
The really sad part is that, if there was no trial (and conviction), she'd probably still be in denial (best case scenario). We got to see her thought process during it and even then she wasn't convinced he could've done it, despite being provided proof of every other horrible thing he's done.
As for the audiobook, it wasn't bad. I think the narrator did a good job.
It was hard to connect to her, and it felt like she dismissed her husband's behaviour too easily over and over again.
She says something relating to this in the book, how she didn't fight for her former relationship where she got cheated on so she wanted to make this one work (I'm paraphrasing but that's the gist) and I can understand that, but at the same time, every bad situation her family was in was because of him and some part of her kept refusing to see that and it was so frustrating to read.
The really sad part is that, if there was no trial (and conviction), she'd probably still be in denial (best case scenario). We got to see her thought process during it and even then she wasn't convinced he could've done it, despite being provided proof of every other horrible thing he's done.
As for the audiobook, it wasn't bad. I think the narrator did a good job.
September 4, 2020
3.5 stars. Good story but hard to connect with the author as I just cannot fathom how she can lend him money time and time again without kicking up a fuss or investigate properly why he’s stealing off her. She seems too weak and even though she had a great support system (father and brother), she never uses them! It’s difficult to understand how she can’t see that he’s manipulating her and using her for money....when he has crossed the line so much, why does she feel she needs him?? He doesn’t put a roof over their heads, he doesn’t look after the children, he’s cheating on her........what exactly was she getting out of this relationship?! It actually seemed easier to cut him loose than keep him in her life?!
Anyway maybe it’s easy for me to judge as an outsider but it just felt like she was a single mother anyway, he was barely around......so there was no need for her to be frightened of going it alone. He didn’t bring anything to the table as far as I could see
Anyway maybe it’s easy for me to judge as an outsider but it just felt like she was a single mother anyway, he was barely around......so there was no need for her to be frightened of going it alone. He didn’t bring anything to the table as far as I could see
September 14, 2020
Having already read/listened to this story from various viewpoints (eg the investigating police officers), I was disappointed to find upon reading the victim’s own telling that her version is disingenuous. She fails to tell the reader that during the giving of contradictory evidence in the first trial she was declared a hostile witness, and had her evidence scratched much to dismay of the investigating police officers who’d spent years putting together a strong case.
She is clearly a woman who has survived a coercive relationship and that’s why she (unfortunately) gave conflicting evidence that partly led to the trial collapse...but to not mention this in this book is misleading. Seems to me like she hasn’t really learned anything - she’s still pretending. I find her story one of weakness and dependency - even at the end she says she’s rebuilding her life...but needed another man in her life to do it!
Wish I’d not bothered - she just irritated me the whole way through - the writing is weak, the (audiobook) narration does their best with weak material, and the story is disingenuous! Not really what you want from a book, and certainly not an inspiring read when you read about the facts more widely than from a single viewpoint.
She is clearly a woman who has survived a coercive relationship and that’s why she (unfortunately) gave conflicting evidence that partly led to the trial collapse...but to not mention this in this book is misleading. Seems to me like she hasn’t really learned anything - she’s still pretending. I find her story one of weakness and dependency - even at the end she says she’s rebuilding her life...but needed another man in her life to do it!
Wish I’d not bothered - she just irritated me the whole way through - the writing is weak, the (audiobook) narration does their best with weak material, and the story is disingenuous! Not really what you want from a book, and certainly not an inspiring read when you read about the facts more widely than from a single viewpoint.
January 15, 2021
I listened to this on audiobook format.
This is a difficult book to rate and comment on, as domestic abuse and manipulation is at the heart of it and blaming victim is not good. But it’s very hard to read this and not feel frustrated at all the bad decisions and sheer scale of the authors denial right up to and including the trial.
At the end of the book, she does admit her bad decisions and her disbelief and denial. But she also takes on a very very defensive stance.
I certainly felt conflicted, reading this book. What happened to her was outrageously evil but at the same time, it was hard to sympathise. I think this book could have done with some chapters written by professionals specialising in domestic abuse, focussing on psychology abuse and manipulation by narcissists. ( she often described Her husband flying into very sudden and strong classic narcissistic rage anytime she confronted him or criticised him even mildly.) With such information and insight, I think the reader could have gained valuable understanding of how women find themselves trapped in these sorts of situations.
This is a difficult book to rate and comment on, as domestic abuse and manipulation is at the heart of it and blaming victim is not good. But it’s very hard to read this and not feel frustrated at all the bad decisions and sheer scale of the authors denial right up to and including the trial.
At the end of the book, she does admit her bad decisions and her disbelief and denial. But she also takes on a very very defensive stance.
I certainly felt conflicted, reading this book. What happened to her was outrageously evil but at the same time, it was hard to sympathise. I think this book could have done with some chapters written by professionals specialising in domestic abuse, focussing on psychology abuse and manipulation by narcissists. ( she often described Her husband flying into very sudden and strong classic narcissistic rage anytime she confronted him or criticised him even mildly.) With such information and insight, I think the reader could have gained valuable understanding of how women find themselves trapped in these sorts of situations.
Read
July 26, 2024For anyone who asks of a DV survivor "why doesn't she just leave", THIS is the book for you.
This was a devastating true story of an extraordinary woman who was manipulated by her husband, gaslighted and abused, and who survived his attempt on her life after he tampered with her skydiving parachute.
Would highly recommend this one (check TWs please), as it really shows everyone from the eyes of a survivor. It also shows how dangerous and manipulative some people are and can be.
It was a very emotional book and at times infuriating. For example on the latter, a system is extremely flawed when the accused for attempted murder can travel overseas but the survivor can't even get a passport for their child (or leave). Or when child services is involved when there's been no question of the mother's ability to care for her children. Or when the same mother takes her child to hospital and child services is called and she's interrogated and made to feel like a bad mum/guilty. Let alone where the survivor is treated so badly that she's scared to get her child medical care when needed (she does, though). I can't fathom this mistreatment. Nor from the public and strangers abusing her for being honest during a trial... not perjuring yourself makes you not only a victim of attempted murder and month long injuries and pain, but also from the public and strangers? I can't.
So in summary, what is wrong with the system and people generally?
The ending of this was beautiful. A woman who's recovering and did and has continued to live her life for her children and now (hopefully) also herself. I am not sure I could have been as brave as her doing another jump, but it's inspiring.
I don't rate audiobooks, but if I did it'd be 5 stars.
This was a devastating true story of an extraordinary woman who was manipulated by her husband, gaslighted and abused, and who survived his attempt on her life after he tampered with her skydiving parachute.
Would highly recommend this one (check TWs please), as it really shows everyone from the eyes of a survivor. It also shows how dangerous and manipulative some people are and can be.
It was a very emotional book and at times infuriating. For example on the latter, a system is extremely flawed when the accused for attempted murder can travel overseas but the survivor can't even get a passport for their child (or leave). Or when child services is involved when there's been no question of the mother's ability to care for her children. Or when the same mother takes her child to hospital and child services is called and she's interrogated and made to feel like a bad mum/guilty. Let alone where the survivor is treated so badly that she's scared to get her child medical care when needed (she does, though). I can't fathom this mistreatment. Nor from the public and strangers abusing her for being honest during a trial... not perjuring yourself makes you not only a victim of attempted murder and month long injuries and pain, but also from the public and strangers? I can't.
So in summary, what is wrong with the system and people generally?
The ending of this was beautiful. A woman who's recovering and did and has continued to live her life for her children and now (hopefully) also herself. I am not sure I could have been as brave as her doing another jump, but it's inspiring.
I don't rate audiobooks, but if I did it'd be 5 stars.
May 12, 2024
This story was wild! I first heard this story on a true crime podcast, where I also heard about this book, so it's been on my radar for a while. I already knew a lot of the story going into this book, but I still wanted to read her firsthand account.
The prologue starts with the horrifying jump, then she takes us back to give us some background about how she got interested in skydiving, met her husband, and what their marriage was like. Spoiler alert: this man is a piece of garbage. Seriously, it is so sad and infuriating to read about. From an outsider's perspective, it's easy to wonder how she could not see how good he was at gaslighting her, and I saw a few reviews saying that, too. The fact of the matter is, we truly do not know the magnitude of that type of manipulation until we've experienced it for ourselves.
This book as a whole is organized quite nicely. The first half is before the jump and the second half is after, her survival and the investigation and the trial. I was a little worried that we wouldn't get too much of the aftermath, but we got plenty of it, which I liked.
What a great story and what a brave, courageous person.
The prologue starts with the horrifying jump, then she takes us back to give us some background about how she got interested in skydiving, met her husband, and what their marriage was like. Spoiler alert: this man is a piece of garbage. Seriously, it is so sad and infuriating to read about. From an outsider's perspective, it's easy to wonder how she could not see how good he was at gaslighting her, and I saw a few reviews saying that, too. The fact of the matter is, we truly do not know the magnitude of that type of manipulation until we've experienced it for ourselves.
This book as a whole is organized quite nicely. The first half is before the jump and the second half is after, her survival and the investigation and the trial. I was a little worried that we wouldn't get too much of the aftermath, but we got plenty of it, which I liked.
What a great story and what a brave, courageous person.
January 2, 2023
This is a really harrowing story of a man's betrayal, manipulation, and narcissism. But it's also a story about a woman's resilience and strength. Victoria and her children survived emotional and financial abuse and two murder attempts by Emile Cilliers. I'm really glad Victoria and her children survived Emile's abuse and depravity - so many women and children don't. I'm glad they are safe, and I hope they thrive.
The book itself is written in a really engaging and easy to follow style. I managed to read it in one sitting!
I really struggled with Victoria's reaction to Emile's second murder attempt. She provided two statements to the police. The first one just after Emile had been arrested, and the second one after Victoria was informed of the depth of Emile's misogyny, deceit and lies. In court, Victoria says that she embellished her second statement because she wanted to make Emile's actions look worse than they already were.... To me, there is a difference between 'embellishing the truth' and your understanding and perception broadening/ changing once you have more information as to the context of the events that happened. I don't think Victoria lied and it makes me bristle that that's how she chooses to describe what she did.
Victoria says and does a lot of things that I definitely wouldn't have. But it's easy for me to say that, not being in her position - not surviving what she did. Victoria did what she needed to do to survive and be there for her children. I applaud her resilience and resolve. I wish Victoria and her children all the happiness and safety.
The book itself is written in a really engaging and easy to follow style. I managed to read it in one sitting!
I really struggled with Victoria's reaction to Emile's second murder attempt. She provided two statements to the police. The first one just after Emile had been arrested, and the second one after Victoria was informed of the depth of Emile's misogyny, deceit and lies. In court, Victoria says that she embellished her second statement because she wanted to make Emile's actions look worse than they already were.... To me, there is a difference between 'embellishing the truth' and your understanding and perception broadening/ changing once you have more information as to the context of the events that happened. I don't think Victoria lied and it makes me bristle that that's how she chooses to describe what she did.
Victoria says and does a lot of things that I definitely wouldn't have. But it's easy for me to say that, not being in her position - not surviving what she did. Victoria did what she needed to do to survive and be there for her children. I applaud her resilience and resolve. I wish Victoria and her children all the happiness and safety.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 28, 2022
Compelling, disturbing memoir of coercive control. Horrifying stuff.
September 10, 2021
I think this may possibly be the worst book I have ever read. The blame cannot, however, be solely laid at the door of the author; the editing is truly awful.
Marketed as being “moving and inspirational”, it reads more as cringeworthy and incredulous. Love, they say, is blind and abusive and coercive partners can undoubtedly be controlling and there are many people who will have empathy with and sympathy for Victoria Cilliers, fearful as she was of being left alone with her children, despite all her obvious insecurities. This book, however, singularly fails to provide any message of strength, hope or inspiration to those who might find themselves in a similarly vulnerable situation. Her continual state of denial, even in the face of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary beggars belief. What lessons does this give those looking for help, support or inspiration?
The author’s ability to recognise but continually, and incredibly, choose to ignore all the evidence laid before her that her loving (sic) husband was anything but a pathological liar, a spendthrift, thief and amoral blackguard is simply breathtaking.
She claims not to be a victim but a survivor. I beg to differ. Her survival was pure luck and happen chance. She undoubtedly is a victim of an unscrupulous and devious individual but because she doesn’t recognise this may yet, sadly, continue to be taken advantage of by others. This woman needs help.
It is also interesting that she fails to mention the fact that during both the trial and subsequent retrial she was identified as a hostile witness by the prosecution. Her disbelief that, notwithstanding his serial infidelity, the theft of thousands of pounds from her own account (how does that happen?), his secrecy, plotting with his ex-wife and girlfriend and blatant disregard for her, he could not possibly be a murderer is just mind numbing.
This book had the potential to provide others with warnings about abusive relationships, the dangers of being blind to what is in front of you and not trusting one’s own instinct. The only strength Victoria Cilliers appears to demonstrate is in her remarkable physical recovery from what could have been life changing injuries.
I worry for the children. One can only hope that having put this into print, she rereads it and learns the lessons subsequently that would be so obvious to most readers.
Poor.
Marketed as being “moving and inspirational”, it reads more as cringeworthy and incredulous. Love, they say, is blind and abusive and coercive partners can undoubtedly be controlling and there are many people who will have empathy with and sympathy for Victoria Cilliers, fearful as she was of being left alone with her children, despite all her obvious insecurities. This book, however, singularly fails to provide any message of strength, hope or inspiration to those who might find themselves in a similarly vulnerable situation. Her continual state of denial, even in the face of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary beggars belief. What lessons does this give those looking for help, support or inspiration?
The author’s ability to recognise but continually, and incredibly, choose to ignore all the evidence laid before her that her loving (sic) husband was anything but a pathological liar, a spendthrift, thief and amoral blackguard is simply breathtaking.
She claims not to be a victim but a survivor. I beg to differ. Her survival was pure luck and happen chance. She undoubtedly is a victim of an unscrupulous and devious individual but because she doesn’t recognise this may yet, sadly, continue to be taken advantage of by others. This woman needs help.
It is also interesting that she fails to mention the fact that during both the trial and subsequent retrial she was identified as a hostile witness by the prosecution. Her disbelief that, notwithstanding his serial infidelity, the theft of thousands of pounds from her own account (how does that happen?), his secrecy, plotting with his ex-wife and girlfriend and blatant disregard for her, he could not possibly be a murderer is just mind numbing.
This book had the potential to provide others with warnings about abusive relationships, the dangers of being blind to what is in front of you and not trusting one’s own instinct. The only strength Victoria Cilliers appears to demonstrate is in her remarkable physical recovery from what could have been life changing injuries.
I worry for the children. One can only hope that having put this into print, she rereads it and learns the lessons subsequently that would be so obvious to most readers.
Poor.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 11, 2021
Time taken to read - 1 day
Pages - 288
Publisher - Pan
Source - Bought
Blurb from Goodreads
A chilling, eye-opening story of marriage and attempted murder, revealing the truth about a case that made headlines around the world.
On Easter Sunday 2015, experienced skydiver Victoria Cilliers undertook a parachute jump, a gift from her husband, British army sergeant Emile Cilliers. Her parachutes failed to open and she plummeted 4,000 feet to the ground, sustaining life-threatening injuries. Miraculously, she survived. Then the police arrived at her door. Someone had tampered with her parachute and they suspected Emile.
In I Survived Victoria describes how she fell for Emile, and how the charming man she thought she knew gradually revealed a darker side, chipping away at her self-worth until she found it impossible to sift truth from lies. Can she really believe that her husband – the father of their two young children – tried to kill her? As more shocking revelations come to light, and she has to face his trial and relentless media scrutiny, she struggles to come to terms with the past. Even a guilty verdict does not free her because Emile is not ready to let her go . . .
Powerful and honest, I Survived is the story of a woman who was put through hell and yet found the strength to forge a new life for herself and her children.
My review
I remember seeing this in the news, a husband tried to kill his wife by a rather unusual means AND for her to survive. This is Victoria's story, her life, career choices, her relationship before she met Emile and after the attempted murder.
The book will be very hard going for some readers, the gaslighting is absolutely shocking and even after the attempt it continues and his hole over her. It made for tough going, to see how he controlled, manipulated and hurt her (non physical before the attempt). I got so mad at some of her choices and allowance of behaviours. That said I understand it was because of the control, depending on your background you will experience a range of emotions and reactions to her choices/decisions.
It makes for an interesting and shocking read, survival, abuse, hope, personal journey, 4/5 for me this time.
Pages - 288
Publisher - Pan
Source - Bought
Blurb from Goodreads
A chilling, eye-opening story of marriage and attempted murder, revealing the truth about a case that made headlines around the world.
On Easter Sunday 2015, experienced skydiver Victoria Cilliers undertook a parachute jump, a gift from her husband, British army sergeant Emile Cilliers. Her parachutes failed to open and she plummeted 4,000 feet to the ground, sustaining life-threatening injuries. Miraculously, she survived. Then the police arrived at her door. Someone had tampered with her parachute and they suspected Emile.
In I Survived Victoria describes how she fell for Emile, and how the charming man she thought she knew gradually revealed a darker side, chipping away at her self-worth until she found it impossible to sift truth from lies. Can she really believe that her husband – the father of their two young children – tried to kill her? As more shocking revelations come to light, and she has to face his trial and relentless media scrutiny, she struggles to come to terms with the past. Even a guilty verdict does not free her because Emile is not ready to let her go . . .
Powerful and honest, I Survived is the story of a woman who was put through hell and yet found the strength to forge a new life for herself and her children.
My review
I remember seeing this in the news, a husband tried to kill his wife by a rather unusual means AND for her to survive. This is Victoria's story, her life, career choices, her relationship before she met Emile and after the attempted murder.
The book will be very hard going for some readers, the gaslighting is absolutely shocking and even after the attempt it continues and his hole over her. It made for tough going, to see how he controlled, manipulated and hurt her (non physical before the attempt). I got so mad at some of her choices and allowance of behaviours. That said I understand it was because of the control, depending on your background you will experience a range of emotions and reactions to her choices/decisions.
It makes for an interesting and shocking read, survival, abuse, hope, personal journey, 4/5 for me this time.
October 28, 2020
This was an incredibly raw and heartbreaking true crime book about how Victoria survived being killed by her husband.
If you are looking for a new true crime book to read, I highly recommend this one. What makes this book stand out is that it's actually told from the victims perspective.
I could not comprehend what Victoria went through. The emotional abuse she received was absolutely unthinkable. It made for quite a challenging read especially as you know how their relationship ended.
I think Victoria is incredibly brave for sharing her story. I could not believe the abuse she received from the press and media. As well as the way she was treated by the police when her husband was being investigated. Its horrific what she went through.
This book is incredibly heartbreaking but I definitely recommend it. Victoria's story is definitely one that needs to be heard.
TW: real life descriptions of domestic abuse, gaslighting and attempted murder
If you are looking for a new true crime book to read, I highly recommend this one. What makes this book stand out is that it's actually told from the victims perspective.
I could not comprehend what Victoria went through. The emotional abuse she received was absolutely unthinkable. It made for quite a challenging read especially as you know how their relationship ended.
I think Victoria is incredibly brave for sharing her story. I could not believe the abuse she received from the press and media. As well as the way she was treated by the police when her husband was being investigated. Its horrific what she went through.
This book is incredibly heartbreaking but I definitely recommend it. Victoria's story is definitely one that needs to be heard.
TW: real life descriptions of domestic abuse, gaslighting and attempted murder
November 7, 2020
I listened to the audiobook.
It was fantastic. I found myself understanding everything Vicky went through, having been through domestic abuse myself. Upon reading the reviews below - comments like "why did she not leave, why is she ALWAYS making excuses for him" - until you have been in a situation with the amount of controlling behaviour, you won't understand. It becomes second nature to lie and make excuses for your partner.
What this man did yo Victoria and her children, April and Ben is sick to the core. He is evil and I pray to heavens above he gets everything he deserves on prison and once he is released.
Victoria is strong and amazing and a inspiration to us all. She has my though and prayers.
It was fantastic. I found myself understanding everything Vicky went through, having been through domestic abuse myself. Upon reading the reviews below - comments like "why did she not leave, why is she ALWAYS making excuses for him" - until you have been in a situation with the amount of controlling behaviour, you won't understand. It becomes second nature to lie and make excuses for your partner.
What this man did yo Victoria and her children, April and Ben is sick to the core. He is evil and I pray to heavens above he gets everything he deserves on prison and once he is released.
Victoria is strong and amazing and a inspiration to us all. She has my though and prayers.
August 7, 2020
I Survived is a courageous first-person account of what must be every woman's worst nightmare; becoming involved with a man whose love, charm and plausibilty hide a manipulative and dangerous side. It is a sign of the author's own sense of self-worth that it is initially hard for her to believe the worst of her husband, despite the evidence. I found this to be an inspiring, sensitive story about what happened to her, her eventual acceptance, and how she came through it
November 24, 2020
An extreme example of Resilience!
I came across this despicable man in the Army - The pain & psychological trauma this poor lady went through one can only imagine what it actually feels like! To actually think about, let alone try to carryout the actions of killing your Wife & Kids says no sentence is long enough! A truly gripping read!
I came across this despicable man in the Army - The pain & psychological trauma this poor lady went through one can only imagine what it actually feels like! To actually think about, let alone try to carryout the actions of killing your Wife & Kids says no sentence is long enough! A truly gripping read!
May 17, 2021
I enjoyed the story. But I just kept thinking what r u doing give yourself a shake and kick him out. But, as another reviewer said, it’s easier to say that looking in, living it must be a different story. I’m glad she survived and told her story. I found bits boring. But was a good honest account of her life. I just hope she finds someone who loves her for her and her children
July 6, 2023
Where to start? Vicky suffered years of an abusive and coercive marriage to a truly despicable man, and was gaslit repeatedly. She also survived a horrific murder attempt and subsequently endured her private life being dragged through the courts during two criminal trials.
However, none of that excuses quite how bad this book is. The author is completely unrelatable and utterly unreliable - many a time you wonder how accurate her recollections are given how poor an understanding she has of simple concepts. It's almost impossible to feel any sympathy for her from the beginning, as she narrates possibly the blandest life you could invent. She gets a job, she has a couple of relationships, she goes on a few trips.
I read this book because, as a skydiver for over a decade, I have followed the Cilliers case over the years. It's a fascinating tale of true intrigue with insane twists and turns spanning the gamut of human behaviour. Unfortunately, the retelling in this book is nothing but dull.
All the while the reader is subjected to the sort of writing your primary school kid comes home with as she mindlessly enumerates events in the form of "and then this happened and I felt sad and then this happened and I felt happy", etc.
Here's some actual samples from the book:
Despite constantly complaining about needing to tell her own story about "what really happened", this really would have benefitting from being ghost written as Cilliers is clearly not the sharpest crayon in the box. This is apparent from an early point in her story far before she meets abusive men as she seems to have absolutely zero critical thinking skills. Her decision making for joining the military being a case in point. She also spends fifteen sentences narrating her thought process as empty rocks bounce around her neanderthal brain as she attempts to figure out how to carry a bottle of wine while on crutches.
Her skydiving "career" doesn't make any sense either. She claims to be an AFF-I (Accelerated Freefall Instructor) which is one of the harder qualifications to achieve, requires huge responsibilities and excellent teaching skills. It takes thousands of jumps, a huge commitment and typically requires several years in the sport. However, despite this, she doesn't seem to understand many basics like how an AAD works or currency requirements that are drilled into every student from the first week at a DZ.
Somehow, despite being the main character in her life story, Cilliers still comes across as utterly vacuous. The only thing more irritating than listening to her tedious recounting is her increasingly absurd delusions.
Take this segment for example:
Yes, that's literally what she wrote verbatim. It's hard to imagine a teenager being so basic, simplistic and naive but this is a 30-something woman in her second marriage.
Time and time again we hear about how she discovers her husband is cheating on her with someone. For example a friend finds that he is using Tinder and she finds he's been visiting sex clubs and catches him going to dance lessons with another woman on Valentine's Day while she is home alone pregnant. Later she is surprised and shocked when it's revealed he's been unfaithful and doesn't text her regularly. She finds that he's intercepted her credit card in the post and hidden it in his papers after going on a spending spree then seems astonished when it turns out he's been stealing from her. She repeatedly and wilfully endangers her children to the extent social services need to be involved. When her delusions puts her children in harm's way, there's only so much you can feel sorry for her.
I wasn't expecting literary flourishes or elegant verbiage but this really was one of the worst written books I've ever come across. Even if you're petrified of skydiving you'd prefer to sign up for a jump from 13,000 ft than wade through this painful tedium.
However, none of that excuses quite how bad this book is. The author is completely unrelatable and utterly unreliable - many a time you wonder how accurate her recollections are given how poor an understanding she has of simple concepts. It's almost impossible to feel any sympathy for her from the beginning, as she narrates possibly the blandest life you could invent. She gets a job, she has a couple of relationships, she goes on a few trips.
I read this book because, as a skydiver for over a decade, I have followed the Cilliers case over the years. It's a fascinating tale of true intrigue with insane twists and turns spanning the gamut of human behaviour. Unfortunately, the retelling in this book is nothing but dull.
All the while the reader is subjected to the sort of writing your primary school kid comes home with as she mindlessly enumerates events in the form of "and then this happened and I felt sad and then this happened and I felt happy", etc.
Here's some actual samples from the book:
‘How are you doing, Vicky?’ Jeff asked.
‘I’m good, thanks. Come on in.’ I showed them through to the living room, where Emile joined us.
‘The boss wants to see you, Vicky,’ one of my colleagues told me in the afternoon.
‘Oh, OK,’ I replied, getting up to head towards his office, but when I opened the door, my boss wasn’t alone. Beside him stood two police officers – my heart sank.
‘Hi Vicky,’ one of the officers smiled. ‘Mind if we have a quick chat?’
‘Sure,’ I replied, stepping into the room.
‘Hello Vicky,’ the doctor greeted me, smiling warmly as he took up his place beside my bed. ‘How are you doing?’
‘I’m good,’ I replied, smiling back. ‘Anxious to find out the results.’
‘I bet,’ he commented, flipping through the paperwork in front of him. ‘Well, first of all, it’s good news.’
‘Really?’ I asked, glancing at my key worker in relief.
Despite constantly complaining about needing to tell her own story about "what really happened", this really would have benefitting from being ghost written as Cilliers is clearly not the sharpest crayon in the box. This is apparent from an early point in her story far before she meets abusive men as she seems to have absolutely zero critical thinking skills. Her decision making for joining the military being a case in point. She also spends fifteen sentences narrating her thought process as empty rocks bounce around her neanderthal brain as she attempts to figure out how to carry a bottle of wine while on crutches.
Her skydiving "career" doesn't make any sense either. She claims to be an AFF-I (Accelerated Freefall Instructor) which is one of the harder qualifications to achieve, requires huge responsibilities and excellent teaching skills. It takes thousands of jumps, a huge commitment and typically requires several years in the sport. However, despite this, she doesn't seem to understand many basics like how an AAD works or currency requirements that are drilled into every student from the first week at a DZ.
Somehow, despite being the main character in her life story, Cilliers still comes across as utterly vacuous. The only thing more irritating than listening to her tedious recounting is her increasingly absurd delusions.
Take this segment for example:
I watched the handle on the clock creep its way to midnight. ‘Three, two, one!’ The television blared with Big Ben’s chimes and I glanced over at my phone. He’ll probably text me soon, I thought. After all, he is still my husband. Exhausted from the day, I wanted to go to bed, but instead I stayed up, longing to hear from Emile. Checking my phone periodically, I hoped he would get in touch but each time I looked, a blank screen stared back at me. Am I really not going to hear from him? I began to wonder, my heart sinking as the night wore on. Watching the crowds of people celebrating on the telly, ringing in the New Year with their loved ones, I had never felt lonelier. Eventually, at 2 a.m., I gave up. Teary-eyed, I took myself off to bed. He’ll probably message me in the night, I told myself. I’ll wake up to a message. I knew it wouldn’t really happen but as I fell asleep, I let myself believe Emile would care enough to get in touch. When I awoke the next morning, the first thing I did was grab my phone, but I still hadn’t received any messages and my heart sank again. It wasn’t until the afternoon of New Year’s Day that my phone finally buzzed.
Yes, that's literally what she wrote verbatim. It's hard to imagine a teenager being so basic, simplistic and naive but this is a 30-something woman in her second marriage.
Time and time again we hear about how she discovers her husband is cheating on her with someone. For example a friend finds that he is using Tinder and she finds he's been visiting sex clubs and catches him going to dance lessons with another woman on Valentine's Day while she is home alone pregnant. Later she is surprised and shocked when it's revealed he's been unfaithful and doesn't text her regularly. She finds that he's intercepted her credit card in the post and hidden it in his papers after going on a spending spree then seems astonished when it turns out he's been stealing from her. She repeatedly and wilfully endangers her children to the extent social services need to be involved. When her delusions puts her children in harm's way, there's only so much you can feel sorry for her.
I wasn't expecting literary flourishes or elegant verbiage but this really was one of the worst written books I've ever come across. Even if you're petrified of skydiving you'd prefer to sign up for a jump from 13,000 ft than wade through this painful tedium.
April 23, 2025
I’m a sucker for an autobiography and true crime book, didn’t want to put it down
October 20, 2025
Een bizar waargebeurd verhaal. Wat me bij blijft is hoe je zo in de tang van een giftige relatie kunt zitten, dat je moeite hebt om de waarheid onder ogen te zien. Ik bewonder de openheid van de schrijfster. Een vlot leesbaar boek.
May 21, 2021
Sama w sobie historia nie jest zła. Ba, zaciekawiła mnie na tyle, żeby dokończyć książkę. Bolączką jest jednak to, co zwykle stanowi wadę takich książek - że choć autor(ka) ma do opowiedzenia ciekawą historię, niekoniecznie potrafi ciekawie ją opowiedzieć. Widoczne w komentarzach głosy krytyczne są jak najbardziej uzasadnione, bo autorka samą siebie przedstawia jako takie trochę popychadło.
Można, ale nie trzeba (lektorka na Storytelu dostarcza, więc raczej można :)).
Można, ale nie trzeba (lektorka na Storytelu dostarcza, więc raczej można :)).
August 14, 2025
Op Paaszondag 2015 maakte de ervaren parachutist Victoria Cilliers een sprong, een cadeau van haar echtgenoot, de Britse leger sergeant Emile Cilliers. Haar parachutes weigerden te openen, en ze stortte 1200 meter naar beneden.
Ze liep levensbedreigende verwondingen op, maar overleefde op miraculeuze wijze. Toen stond de politie voor haar deur. Iemand had met haar parachute geknoeid - en hun vermoedens richtten zich op Emile.
In dit waargebeurde verhaal lees je over Victoria Cilliers. In 2015 heeft ze een parachutesprong overleefd die gigantisch misliep. Eerst denkt Victoria dat het een ongeluk is en ze kan dan ook niet geloven dat haar man Emile verdacht wordt.
Voordat je bij deze noodlottige dag aankomt, lees je eerst wat meer over een jongere Victoria. Zo kom je te weten dat ze werkzaam is bij het leger en passeren er een paar liefdes. Victoria is uiteindelijk een zeer ervaren parachutiste en heeft een heleboel sprongen op haar naam staan. En dan leert ze Emile kennen, een man waarmee ze een relatie begint.
Je leest heel veel over de ontwikkelingen van hun relatie en Emile vertoont steeds vreemder gedrag. Zo blijkt hij schulden te hebben en niet trouw te zijn aan Victoria. Maar Victoria blijft in hen geloven en hoopt dat alles uiteindelijk goed komt. En dan komen we aan bij die bewuste dag van de sprong...
Je leest over de periode die Victoria daarna in het ziekenhuis doormaakt en ook dan gaan er allemaal alarmbellen af bij het gedrag van Emile.
De zaak wordt verder onderzocht en er wordt steeds meer duidelijk wat er met de parachute gebeurd is. Maar Victoria gelooft niet dat Emile tot moord in staat is. Zelfs als de bewijzen steeds groter en groter worden.
Het gedrag van Victoria vond ik wel wat naïef en ze kwam voorheen over als een hele sterke en onafhankelijke vrouw. Maar blijkbaar had Emile haar helemaal in zijn macht, met dus hele grote gevolgen...
Dit verhaal vond ik interessant en schokkend om te lezen en ik raad het je dan ook zeker aan als je van true crime verhalen houdt.
Beoordeling: 4,0 ⭐️
Ze liep levensbedreigende verwondingen op, maar overleefde op miraculeuze wijze. Toen stond de politie voor haar deur. Iemand had met haar parachute geknoeid - en hun vermoedens richtten zich op Emile.
In dit waargebeurde verhaal lees je over Victoria Cilliers. In 2015 heeft ze een parachutesprong overleefd die gigantisch misliep. Eerst denkt Victoria dat het een ongeluk is en ze kan dan ook niet geloven dat haar man Emile verdacht wordt.
Voordat je bij deze noodlottige dag aankomt, lees je eerst wat meer over een jongere Victoria. Zo kom je te weten dat ze werkzaam is bij het leger en passeren er een paar liefdes. Victoria is uiteindelijk een zeer ervaren parachutiste en heeft een heleboel sprongen op haar naam staan. En dan leert ze Emile kennen, een man waarmee ze een relatie begint.
Je leest heel veel over de ontwikkelingen van hun relatie en Emile vertoont steeds vreemder gedrag. Zo blijkt hij schulden te hebben en niet trouw te zijn aan Victoria. Maar Victoria blijft in hen geloven en hoopt dat alles uiteindelijk goed komt. En dan komen we aan bij die bewuste dag van de sprong...
Je leest over de periode die Victoria daarna in het ziekenhuis doormaakt en ook dan gaan er allemaal alarmbellen af bij het gedrag van Emile.
De zaak wordt verder onderzocht en er wordt steeds meer duidelijk wat er met de parachute gebeurd is. Maar Victoria gelooft niet dat Emile tot moord in staat is. Zelfs als de bewijzen steeds groter en groter worden.
Het gedrag van Victoria vond ik wel wat naïef en ze kwam voorheen over als een hele sterke en onafhankelijke vrouw. Maar blijkbaar had Emile haar helemaal in zijn macht, met dus hele grote gevolgen...
Dit verhaal vond ik interessant en schokkend om te lezen en ik raad het je dan ook zeker aan als je van true crime verhalen houdt.
Beoordeling: 4,0 ⭐️
September 19, 2020
I found this book hard to review. On the one hard I enjoyed reading it- it kept my interest and I raced through it eager to reach the point where she finally admitted to herself what a thoroughly unpleasant selfish manipulative individuual her husband actually was. The writing was good but not great
and the character herself was a strange mixture of brave and clever in some respects and weak and dependent in others
However what she went through would test anyone to their limits so I do hope she did find her happy ending in life.
and the character herself was a strange mixture of brave and clever in some respects and weak and dependent in others
However what she went through would test anyone to their limits so I do hope she did find her happy ending in life.
October 15, 2020
Exasperated at how naive she is!!!! I couldn’t even finish the book I was that pissed off ........
September 12, 2021
I ordered this book and waited weeks for it to arrive. I had read about this case in the press at the time and was interested to hear Victoria Cillier’s account of the ordeal she suffered at the hands of her husband. I really enjoyed the writing, finding it clear, personable and easy to get into. In fact I was gripped to it throughout. It gave me a sense of who she was; her career, background, the future she envisioned and her fearless approach to life (a sky diving instructor). It also gave an insight in to life with her husband and the many marital problems she faced within their marriage.
The crime itself was completely unfathomable in every sense of the word. I also found her recovery and ordeal in the aftermath just as shocking with everything she had to go through as a new mother recovering from horrific injuries and psychological trauma.
As with some similar accounts of abusive/ coercive relationships such as Stalked by Alison Hewitt and Surviving Dirty John by Deborah Newell, it’s a lot harder for the person close to the abuser to see what’s going on. I think the author, after receiving abuse for not completely condemning her husband at first, articulates this incredibly well towards the end. I felt that throughout the book, particularly around the time of the trial, it gave an insight to her distraught mind and how she was running on empty, struggling, and unable to fully accept what had happened to her. Interestingly, by the end you can feel her passion and strength- almost as though, after some time to heal and recover, a different woman is speaking as she warns about domestic abuse and not realizing that she too was a victim.
I very much enjoyed reading this book and was left with a sense of her renewed hope, dignity, courage and above all else, her love for her children.
5 stars.
The crime itself was completely unfathomable in every sense of the word. I also found her recovery and ordeal in the aftermath just as shocking with everything she had to go through as a new mother recovering from horrific injuries and psychological trauma.
As with some similar accounts of abusive/ coercive relationships such as Stalked by Alison Hewitt and Surviving Dirty John by Deborah Newell, it’s a lot harder for the person close to the abuser to see what’s going on. I think the author, after receiving abuse for not completely condemning her husband at first, articulates this incredibly well towards the end. I felt that throughout the book, particularly around the time of the trial, it gave an insight to her distraught mind and how she was running on empty, struggling, and unable to fully accept what had happened to her. Interestingly, by the end you can feel her passion and strength- almost as though, after some time to heal and recover, a different woman is speaking as she warns about domestic abuse and not realizing that she too was a victim.
I very much enjoyed reading this book and was left with a sense of her renewed hope, dignity, courage and above all else, her love for her children.
5 stars.
November 23, 2023
Trigger warnings: toxic relationship, gaslighting, emotional abuse, medical content, cheating, attempted murder, miscarriage, medical trauma, addiction
3.5 stars
This was an extremely fast-paced and extremely rage-inducing read. Years ago a friend was in a very similar relationship - not the attempted murder aspects, but the disappearing, the cheating, the debts, the gaslighting, the emotional abuse. So reading this made me want to travel back in time to hand this to said friend.
Is it well written? No, not entirely. Does she leave out certain parts of her own story? Yes, but who doesn't in a memoir. I did want a little more of a wrap up than this gave me, but on the whole? A really solid insight into non-violent domestic abuse.
3.5 stars
This was an extremely fast-paced and extremely rage-inducing read. Years ago a friend was in a very similar relationship - not the attempted murder aspects, but the disappearing, the cheating, the debts, the gaslighting, the emotional abuse. So reading this made me want to travel back in time to hand this to said friend.
Is it well written? No, not entirely. Does she leave out certain parts of her own story? Yes, but who doesn't in a memoir. I did want a little more of a wrap up than this gave me, but on the whole? A really solid insight into non-violent domestic abuse.
May 9, 2021
I gave this book 4 stars but that was pushing it. It wasn't the best written book but the lady isn't an author, she is telling us about her experience. I did get somewhat frustrated with her at points thinking what?! Wake up! But know that is easier said than done in a relationship like this and easy for me to say after the fact, reading the book knowing what is going on looking from the outside in. He was manipulative and narcissistic amongst other titles I could give him. I read this for a book club that I didn't make it to which is a shame. I hope this lady has found happiness and peace now after what she has been through.
July 23, 2022
I really felt for this woman trying to hold everything together with the betrayal of her evil conniving and manipulative husband, and two small childen to look after. We ourselves will never know what we would do until we are actually put in certain circumstances, it is alright saying I would not have put up with that and left. At times she was in denial but knew in the back of her mind things wasn't right, but kept going for the sake of the children. I admire her strength and courage to overcome the suffering she endured from the horrific fall and look to the future. Good read.
October 17, 2020
The story of the author who has had the worst luck with men. Infidelity and controlling relationships where she can't seem to realise the danger she is in.
A crazy story overall, making it ever more impressive how far she has come in order to be there for her children. Making you wonder how can you improve the situation of other women to be more open about their relationship issues which may in fact be abusive, and how to escape them.
A crazy story overall, making it ever more impressive how far she has come in order to be there for her children. Making you wonder how can you improve the situation of other women to be more open about their relationship issues which may in fact be abusive, and how to escape them.
May 6, 2022
I really feel sad for this unfortunate women who was stabbed in the back by the closest person in her life: her husband. She went through a lot of deception in her life starting with the betrayal of her first husband, then the miscarriages, ending up with that exploitation and mistreated of her last psycho husband. The story broke my heart but in terms of rating the book, I can't give it more than 3 starts cz unfortunately I couldn't connect with the author
May 3, 2021
I found this book, very raw and heart wrenching at times, that your husband, the father of your children could be so cruel. The abuse Victoria suffered throughout her marriage was inconceivable. Sadly she was very naive and felt things would improve.
It must have taken guts to stand up in court and give evidence against her husband who at that time she still loved.
Victoria came across as slightly weak in character, but an amazing mother to her children. That is shown from the beginning.
It was a true account from a victims perspective, on coercive behaviour. I am pleased she was able to get closure and move on with her life.
It must have taken guts to stand up in court and give evidence against her husband who at that time she still loved.
Victoria came across as slightly weak in character, but an amazing mother to her children. That is shown from the beginning.
It was a true account from a victims perspective, on coercive behaviour. I am pleased she was able to get closure and move on with her life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 260 reviews