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They Were Still Born: Personal Stories About Stillbirth by Janel C. Atlas (Editor) (10-Jun-2014) Paperback
Stillbirth, defined as the death of an infant between 20 weeks' gestation and birth, is a tragedy repeated thirty thousand times every year in the United States. That means more than eighty mothers a day feel their babies slip silently from their bodies, the only sound in the delivery room their own sobs. Eighty stillborn babies a day means heartbroken families mourn the death of children who will never breathe, gurgle, learn to walk, or go to school. In 2006, Janel Atlas became one of those mothers who left the hospital with empty arms; her second daughter, Beatrice Dianne, was stillborn at 36 weeks. Reaching out for comfort, she realized a dire need shared by so many others like her, and so was born a collection of new essays by writers each sharing their firsthand experiences with stillbirth. Atlas includes selections not only from mothers but also fathers and grandparents, all of whom have intimate stories to share with readers. In addition, there are selections that answer many of the medical questions families have in the wake of a stillbirth and that offer the latest research on this devastating loss and how it might be prevented. Grieving parents will find in these pages the comfort of knowing they are not alone on this painful path, validation of their babies' lives, and guidance from those who have suffered this tragedy. In addition, They Were Still Born both inspires and shows readers how to honor and remember their own babies and stories of loss. No parent- or grandparent-to-be sets out planning to purchase They Were Still Born. Unfortunately, there will always be readers-devastated, grieving, and searching for voices to help them through-who need it.
- GenresGriefNonfiction
Paperback
First published December 16, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
January 14, 2019
Stillbirth is a hard subject to write about, and I am so glad that there are more books out there on the topic. After I lost my son to stillbirth eight years ago, I consumed everything I could find about it, but somehow I missed this one. As with all compilations, some will speak to you more than others. A few I just couldn’t relate to at all, and a few made me want to weep with recognition. This is the only book I’ve found that dealt with a loss on Christmas, and as my son was stillborn on Christmas Eve, that particularly touched me.
August 4, 2011
Such an awesome narrative on a 'taboo' subject. As a L&D nurse it is the most heart wrenching care to give. This book should be read by all healthcare providers who will come into contact with these families. Knowing what not to say and do is more important than anything else. We have come a long way on the subject of stillbirth management but gave a very long way to go!
September 7, 2011
I inhaled this book. Wonderful! If you are one of the unfortunates who have lost a child due to stillbirth you will find this book so captivating and you will inhale it like I did. Reading the accounts of 25 different people who had stillborn children was like meeting 25 new confidants who know exactly what my life has been like for the past 21 months. It's given me so much to think about and consider in regards to remembering my daughter in creative and meaningful ways as well as lists many, many resources for advocacy groups, healing and next steps. As far as I am concerned, this is the book I looked for and couldn't find in November 2009. There isn't a resource like it. I am so thankful Janel Atlas pulled this together. I borrowed this from the library this weekend and just bought my own copy online because I need to have this information available whenever I want to review.
January 16, 2011
My sister-in-law was a contributor to this book. It is an excellent resource for anyone touched by stillbirth. There are too few books on the subject. This one is exceptionally well done.
November 14, 2010
Full disclosure: I am proud to share that I am a contributor.
Janel Atlas, bereaved mother and editor, has put together a stellar collection. Stillbirth is a taboo topic in our death-fearing society. There are few resources dealing exclusively with stillbirth. The mothers, fathers, and grandmother whose essays appear in They Were Still Born honor the memory of their babies through their writing and other artistic endeavors. While the stories in this book are not easy to read, the enduring love of these families for their stillborn babies is beautiful. The writers speak the truth about the profound, lasting impact of stillbirth. They share their most intimate thoughts and feelings in order to increase awareness, and pay tribute to a member of their family who never drew a breath, yet was still born. The parents who contributed essays to this collection have opened their hearts for the world to see. What a wonderful, moving tribute to our babies.
Seeing my essay in the midst of so many others is one of the few times I have not felt isolated in my grief. Thank you, Janel, for having the fortitude to open your wound again and again during the planning and editing of this book. And a most special thanks to the publisher for being willing to take on an issue that is neither openly nor easily discussed. The cover design is magnificent.
Janel Atlas, bereaved mother and editor, has put together a stellar collection. Stillbirth is a taboo topic in our death-fearing society. There are few resources dealing exclusively with stillbirth. The mothers, fathers, and grandmother whose essays appear in They Were Still Born honor the memory of their babies through their writing and other artistic endeavors. While the stories in this book are not easy to read, the enduring love of these families for their stillborn babies is beautiful. The writers speak the truth about the profound, lasting impact of stillbirth. They share their most intimate thoughts and feelings in order to increase awareness, and pay tribute to a member of their family who never drew a breath, yet was still born. The parents who contributed essays to this collection have opened their hearts for the world to see. What a wonderful, moving tribute to our babies.
Seeing my essay in the midst of so many others is one of the few times I have not felt isolated in my grief. Thank you, Janel, for having the fortitude to open your wound again and again during the planning and editing of this book. And a most special thanks to the publisher for being willing to take on an issue that is neither openly nor easily discussed. The cover design is magnificent.
December 1, 2010
Stories are what make an impact...giving truth and life and understanding to an experience. I found this book incredibly encouraging...I felt connections with the contributers because of a shared experience of having a stillborn child. But I also gained a better understanding of the varying degrees of dealing with grief and death and pain. I would recommend this to anyone who has dealt with a stillbirth, and for family members or friends of those who want to understand and learn more. I am thankful for the contributing writers being willing to share their stories with the world.
December 11, 2011
If you or someone you know suffers a stillbirth, I am so sorry. I've been reading lots of books and blogs after we lost our son Theodore on November 23, 2011. This is the best one I've come across. It has very well written personal accounts, resources and some helpful medical information. I'm going to make sure that the local libraries get a copy. This would have been a good inclusion in the bereavement bags they gave at our hospital and I will talk to the organization that makes them as well.
July 10, 2011
I read this nearly 3 years after my daughter was born still. It was difficult to read, but a cathartic way to recognize her birthday.
May 1, 2011
I will start out this review with full disclosure: Janel Atlas, the editor of this book, is a friend of mine.
As the title indicates, They Were Still Born is a collection of personal stories about stillbirth. In the chapter, “What We Know about Stillbirth,” Dr. Ruth Fretts acknowledges that “what is called a stillbirth has been subject to much national and international debate” but it is currently defined, in clinical terms, as fetal death after 20 weeks of gestation.
They Were Still Born starts with a foreword by Elizabeth McCracken and an introduction by Janel Atlas. What follows are twenty-one stories of loss. Most stories are written by the mothers of stillborn children, but there are also stories by fathers, and one by a grandmother. These stories are understandably similar due to the nature of the loss: hopeful pregnancies ending with devastating, unexpected stillbirth. But the details and the ways that the writers capture the loss are varied.
The second part of the book includes the chapters: “Honoring and Remembering Your Baby”; “Creative Expressions of Grief”; “What We Know about Stillbirth” by Dr. Ruth Fretts, an obstetrician-gynecologist and an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School; and “Emerging Research”. The book concludes with a list of resources and organizations.
I am not quite the reader for whom this book is intended, so I looked for insights on how one can support a family who suffers such a loss. Something I already knew: don’t offer platitudes, even if they are well-intentioned. Saying things like “You’re young and can have more” and “It must not have been meant to be” cause pain rather than comfort.
From the stories shared in this book, one of the main desires of parents is for their baby to be remembered. So, one can support by remembering their baby, by remembering their grief.
While reading this book, I was struck by how much grief is another country. The world is completely different for these grieving parents: triggers for pain are everywhere. There’s a story in the collection by Monica Murphy LeMoine that comes to mind called “A Plan Gone Awry”. Some months after losing their baby Zachary, Monica and her husband go on a weekend getaway to a hotel. On the elevator ride up to their hotel room, Monica runs into a group of women from the Expecting Parents Meet-up Group that she had founded two years before. A new, unaware member asks about Monica’s child, and Monica replies “Oh, it didn’t work out” and shortly thereafter the couple exit the elevator. Monica tries to keep to the original romantic plans, but it’s been thrown off now.
Janel Atlas’ story about the loss of her daughter, Beatrice, is very frank about the path of her grief. I think I’ll conclude my post with a quote from near the end of that story:
"My desire to define my loss as completely unique has been sated, and in its place yawns the need to be supported, surrounded, and understood by a community of families who have endured the loss of a child, whatever the details surrounding that baby’s death." p. 140
As the title indicates, They Were Still Born is a collection of personal stories about stillbirth. In the chapter, “What We Know about Stillbirth,” Dr. Ruth Fretts acknowledges that “what is called a stillbirth has been subject to much national and international debate” but it is currently defined, in clinical terms, as fetal death after 20 weeks of gestation.
They Were Still Born starts with a foreword by Elizabeth McCracken and an introduction by Janel Atlas. What follows are twenty-one stories of loss. Most stories are written by the mothers of stillborn children, but there are also stories by fathers, and one by a grandmother. These stories are understandably similar due to the nature of the loss: hopeful pregnancies ending with devastating, unexpected stillbirth. But the details and the ways that the writers capture the loss are varied.
The second part of the book includes the chapters: “Honoring and Remembering Your Baby”; “Creative Expressions of Grief”; “What We Know about Stillbirth” by Dr. Ruth Fretts, an obstetrician-gynecologist and an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School; and “Emerging Research”. The book concludes with a list of resources and organizations.
I am not quite the reader for whom this book is intended, so I looked for insights on how one can support a family who suffers such a loss. Something I already knew: don’t offer platitudes, even if they are well-intentioned. Saying things like “You’re young and can have more” and “It must not have been meant to be” cause pain rather than comfort.
From the stories shared in this book, one of the main desires of parents is for their baby to be remembered. So, one can support by remembering their baby, by remembering their grief.
While reading this book, I was struck by how much grief is another country. The world is completely different for these grieving parents: triggers for pain are everywhere. There’s a story in the collection by Monica Murphy LeMoine that comes to mind called “A Plan Gone Awry”. Some months after losing their baby Zachary, Monica and her husband go on a weekend getaway to a hotel. On the elevator ride up to their hotel room, Monica runs into a group of women from the Expecting Parents Meet-up Group that she had founded two years before. A new, unaware member asks about Monica’s child, and Monica replies “Oh, it didn’t work out” and shortly thereafter the couple exit the elevator. Monica tries to keep to the original romantic plans, but it’s been thrown off now.
Janel Atlas’ story about the loss of her daughter, Beatrice, is very frank about the path of her grief. I think I’ll conclude my post with a quote from near the end of that story:
"My desire to define my loss as completely unique has been sated, and in its place yawns the need to be supported, surrounded, and understood by a community of families who have endured the loss of a child, whatever the details surrounding that baby’s death." p. 140
January 9, 2012
I wish that this book did not need to be published. I wish that parents did not need to grieve dead babies. I wish that my world was not turned upside down by the loss of three babies, our twins at 24 weeks in April 2008 and our missed miscarriage at 7 weeks in December 2011. While I wish it were not true, reality is different - - one reason why this book is so needed.
Though I have not faced the deep sorrow of still birth, I have faced the deep sorrow of mourning the loss of my children. The collected stories in this book resonated with me, parents who have shared my pain, my loss. Certain words and phrases lept off the pages, as if they were taken right from my heart. I devoured this book. I know that others in similar situations will do the same.
Though I have not faced the deep sorrow of still birth, I have faced the deep sorrow of mourning the loss of my children. The collected stories in this book resonated with me, parents who have shared my pain, my loss. Certain words and phrases lept off the pages, as if they were taken right from my heart. I devoured this book. I know that others in similar situations will do the same.
May 7, 2013
I was completely enveloped by the words in this book. The stories are as varied as the people experiencing them, yet the thread that weaves them together into a beautiful tapestry of loss and hope is the tragedy of stillbirth. I was moved by each account and as I went through the book, I felt my broken heart being stitched slowly together. I've read several books since we lost our third child, a baby girl, and this was one of the most comforting to me. I highly recommend it for those that have suffered a loss as well as the loved ones that surround them.
May 11, 2011
For anyone that has lost a child at birth or shortly after this is a MUST read!!! I could totally see myself in the parents as they told their stories. I didn't want to put it down because you can so readily identify with each story!!! I made myself put the book down because the essays were so incredibly raw with emotion. So glad that someone took a chance a published a book of these kinds of stories!!!
October 2, 2014
Heartbreaking stories, for heartbroken mothers like myself. Very touching! The type of book where you know, YOU'RE not the ONLY ONE!
December 4, 2012
A must read for anyone who has experienced the tragedy of stillbirth.
October 21, 2023
Unfortunately I could have written this myself. So many stories like ours. Grief is a bitch.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews