The Adoptive Parent Toolbox by Mike Berry

by Mike Berry

Sharing insights and real-life stories from the adoption journey, The Adoptive Parent Toolbox is designed to be a guide to any stage of the journey, whether you are thinking about adoption, just starting the process, or thinking about starting all over again. Each chapter delivers real-life perspectives from the Berry’s 14-year journey as well as the advice and wisdom of hundreds of other families who have adopted both internationally and domestically. Everything from what to expect when you first begin the process, to handling difficult adoptions, the different costs involved, to post adoption advice when it comes to trauma or attachment issues. The Adoptive Parent Toolbox is a comprehensive guide to just about any aspect on the adoption journey.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting

Paperback

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Michele Reynolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful

Very helpful and heart felt. Like that different chapters written from wife and husband's pov. A good read for anyone adopting. Inspirational.

[Rachel P · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short, empathetic... but not a lot of tools

Hmm this is a hard one to review as I don't think we're quite the target audience. Except we are.

We have a kinship guardianship of an older child with a background of trauma and special needs. I often feel alone and helpless, like I'm figuring this out as I go. Most parenting books just don't quite apply because they lack the foster/trauma side.

But a parenting group (hilariously... a parenting group, not any of the many therapists we've seen) recommended Dancing with a Porcupine and it was like a hallelujah choir of light bulbs going off. A book that actually *got* the experience ups and downs. I realized I needed to switch where my toolkit was being purchased. This isn't a Home Depot of normally dysfunctional families. I needed the specialty store that buys and crafts handmade goods about Trauma Parenting, foster parenting, and special needs.

This book was acquired as part of that toolkit. Except the book doesn't actually offer a lot of tools for the day to day life. The struggles. Where to turn or learn for the daily ups and downs. It definitely *gets* the experience, and it offers a warm hug and hope.... but it doesn't offer much more. It shares anecdotes of struggles, and their responses but it's all surface and applies just to that anecdotes. Not the overarching issues. I.e. how do you build trust with a child who is afraid and having outbursts of anger? Not just getting in that moment that the kid is afraid, but learning to be a *parent* now that you recognize that as part of your child.

And... it sometimes says some really out of touch stuff ("needing" a spanking and ASD as a "designer" disorder.... wtf) that just make you question them entirely. Successful anecdotes are so shallow you arent quite sure what to take away. So the overall the actual parenting toolkit side is just kind of empty.

For those doing more "traditional" foster, this book may be useful in tools related to the procedural side of becoming a foster/adoptive parent. But it fell short on what I was hoping to find for connecting, building trust, building attachment, addressing trauma, etc. You know, the parenting side.

[Rigby Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fine, and honestly if I hadn’t read a few of Kristen Berry’s other books and liked them so much better, I probably would have enjoyed this one a little more. I appreciated this book for some of the practical tips that were shared, especially at the beginning. I’m generally not vibing with Mike’s style and felt that even more strongly at certain sections of this book.

Three stars
👌👌👌

[E.M. Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. It was short but insightful. My husband and I are beginning the adoption process and it was nice to hear about a couples' first hand experience.

[Sarah Poling · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent resource for parenting kids through adoption (or in my case through guardianship). It gives real life perspective, is short, and easy to navigate. You can read just a chapter, or the whole book. It does not sugar coat life with trauma and loss as children adjust to life with a new family, but it does offer real life ideas, strategies, and expectations with the lens that you can do this.

It's an easy read that really does live up to the title's sub-title- 'insights and stories for the journey.' The insights offer hope and perspective even though parts of the journey are tough, they share hope, and their choice to not give up, and let their son be a statistic. This perspective is so needed, as others who hear about the struggles, often make parents "saints" or suggest we send a child on to a home or the 'system.' That's not helpful to parents willing to surrender and choose to fight for a child to grow, gain skills, and experience love and connection from adults who choose to raise the child.

I love that it includes both Mike and Kristin sharing their stories from the mom and dad perspective, as we do interpret life very differently, and we need both perspectives! I was blessed to get a copy to review this book, but genuinely think it's worthy of purchasing!