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Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection
Our parents look at us, and they wonder, what's wrong? Our happily married friends try to introduce us to appropriate mates, even while they are wondering, what's wrong? We spend evenings with equally unattached single friends, and together we wonder, what's wrong? They write sitcoms about people like us, but it looks like it's a lot more fun on the small screen than it feels like in real life.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1998
61 people are currently reading
272 people want to read
About the author
Steven Carter
15 books18 followersSteven A. Carter is an American author of non-fiction, self-help and humor.
A distinguished graduate of Cornell University, member of the Quill and Dagger society, and winner of the William K. Kennedy Dean's Prize for extraordinary academic achievement, Steven A. Carter also holds a Master's Degree in Education and a Master's Degree in Psychology.
Steven Carter was born in New York City and raised in New Hyde Park, New York. He is the author of twenty-seven books, including the New York Times bestseller "Men Who Can't Love" (with co-author Julia Sokol), "What Smart Women Know", and seven other National Bestsellers. Carter coined the phrase "Commitmentphobia" in 1987. He and Sokol are recognized as two of the foremost authorities on the subjects of commitment, fear of commitment, attachment disorders, and narcissistic personality disorder.
In the winter of 2007 "What Smart Women Know" was released in Brazil by Editora Sextante, the publishing company founded by brothers Marcos and Tomas Pereira. "What Smart Women Know" spent 110 weeks on Brazil's top-ten bestseller lists, at one point being the #2 selling book in all of Brazil. "Men Like Women Who Like Themselves" was released in mid-2008 and spent 45 weeks on Brazil's bestseller lists. The Brazilian edition of Men Who Can't Love" was released by Editora Sextante in late 2009, followed by "The Secrets of Self-Esteem" in May 2010 and "This Is How Love Works" in September 2011.
Editora Sextante has sold over two million copies of these Carter/Sokol titles in Brazil since the first release. Editora Sextante is most well known in Brazil for their books by the Dalai Lama, Augusto Cury, and, most recently, Paulo Coehlo.
Prior to beginning his career as an author, Steven Carter was the Director of Tennis at the world-renowned Little Dix Bay Hotel in the British Virgin Islands and Head Tennis Pro at the Dorado Beach Resort in Dorado Beach, Puerto Rico. It has been suggested that some of his Carter's early insights into relationships were formulated during those years. He has also written extensively about the stages of healing he experienced through almost twenty years of his own deeply personal work.
A distinguished graduate of Cornell University, member of the Quill and Dagger society, and winner of the William K. Kennedy Dean's Prize for extraordinary academic achievement, Steven A. Carter also holds a Master's Degree in Education and a Master's Degree in Psychology.
Steven Carter was born in New York City and raised in New Hyde Park, New York. He is the author of twenty-seven books, including the New York Times bestseller "Men Who Can't Love" (with co-author Julia Sokol), "What Smart Women Know", and seven other National Bestsellers. Carter coined the phrase "Commitmentphobia" in 1987. He and Sokol are recognized as two of the foremost authorities on the subjects of commitment, fear of commitment, attachment disorders, and narcissistic personality disorder.
In the winter of 2007 "What Smart Women Know" was released in Brazil by Editora Sextante, the publishing company founded by brothers Marcos and Tomas Pereira. "What Smart Women Know" spent 110 weeks on Brazil's top-ten bestseller lists, at one point being the #2 selling book in all of Brazil. "Men Like Women Who Like Themselves" was released in mid-2008 and spent 45 weeks on Brazil's bestseller lists. The Brazilian edition of Men Who Can't Love" was released by Editora Sextante in late 2009, followed by "The Secrets of Self-Esteem" in May 2010 and "This Is How Love Works" in September 2011.
Editora Sextante has sold over two million copies of these Carter/Sokol titles in Brazil since the first release. Editora Sextante is most well known in Brazil for their books by the Dalai Lama, Augusto Cury, and, most recently, Paulo Coehlo.
Prior to beginning his career as an author, Steven Carter was the Director of Tennis at the world-renowned Little Dix Bay Hotel in the British Virgin Islands and Head Tennis Pro at the Dorado Beach Resort in Dorado Beach, Puerto Rico. It has been suggested that some of his Carter's early insights into relationships were formulated during those years. He has also written extensively about the stages of healing he experienced through almost twenty years of his own deeply personal work.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
March 30, 2016
Great book on telling you in every single way you've fucked up your relationship and are a complete failure in that side. The most valuable part is looking at your actions, your patterns, rather than your intentions and words. I had 3 out of the 7 traits... so that is something. I wish I read this before I did any committed relationships. It really does show that exclusive monogamous relationships are about a particular ideology and framework - one that the author unfortunately never questions, mentions of alternative structures are never raised - however that is the thing, long-term exclusive monogamous relationships are one strict ideology that this books outlines how to implement well.
January 3, 2018
Like mini-relationship therapy wrapped up in a warm, conversational tone. I read this sporadically throughout the year. Sometimes, I would pick the book up, and I could not relate at all to the examples- and other times, I felt like someone was narrating the darkest corners of my fears and doubts *____*...It was all at once embarrassing but comforting to recognize that our worst commitment fears are common but never a barrier we aren’t able to work through. Its hard to find that same level of honesty in real life when people portray their relationships - so this was a refreshing, down-to-earth read.
February 18, 2022
Literacy is taught in school as it is vital to our existence. Companionship is also a vital part of ones life, but we are expected to navigate that word based on personal experiences and understands.
Previously, people learned about and sought advise about relationships from religion. Schools taught reading, religions taught you about life. It defined the framework for relationships based on a set of morals and understandings at the time. With the world becoming more secular, a void has been left as these frameworks are no longer relevant/applicable.
Having never formally learned about relationships, this book provided me with a plethora of knowlage on how to navigate this crazy world, a whole new perspective on connection and a framework to follow for achieving a loving relationship.
"Real commitment is magical. It will transform you. Making a life with someone you love who loves you back can only bring out the best in you . The wonderful thing about commitment - the truly amazing thing - is that it gives back so much. more than it takes."
Previously, people learned about and sought advise about relationships from religion. Schools taught reading, religions taught you about life. It defined the framework for relationships based on a set of morals and understandings at the time. With the world becoming more secular, a void has been left as these frameworks are no longer relevant/applicable.
Having never formally learned about relationships, this book provided me with a plethora of knowlage on how to navigate this crazy world, a whole new perspective on connection and a framework to follow for achieving a loving relationship.
"Real commitment is magical. It will transform you. Making a life with someone you love who loves you back can only bring out the best in you . The wonderful thing about commitment - the truly amazing thing - is that it gives back so much. more than it takes."
June 28, 2008
Pretty easy to read and gets to the point with concise chapters about dilemmas akin to many relationships. Not surprisingly, I 'suffered' from many of the points brought up. Funny thing is, most of this stuff should be something I'd already known, but sometimes it has to be read and seen to confirm what is allegedly already known. Either way, I need a break and this book confirms it.
October 6, 2015
At times the author goes on and on about things that could be said in a few sentences. But there are things worth reading in this book, especially if committing or getting someone to commit to you seems like the quest for the holy grail. It has definitely increased my understanding.
February 26, 2008
this book helped me at a time when I was about to lose my proverbial sh!t. Even though its very very written for straight men, I could see past that to some hilariously typical patterns that I had dig my heels into. it opened my eyes enough to where I could get myself out of the hole that I was digging.
June 2, 2013
Well written, with lots of no-nonsense advice ...from a guy who has been there.
September 1, 2021
Not sure if it’s because I haven’t read many pop-psych-ish self-help books, but some of the content was presented really strongly — not recommended if you tend to accept fuck-ups, traits or potentially non-constructive labels as inherent parts of yourself.
But otherwise, this was an entertaining listen from the Audible Plus catalogue, and though I mostly completed the listen out of morbid curiosity, it uncovered potentially negative patterns that could be extrapolated for both platonic and romantic relationships.
But otherwise, this was an entertaining listen from the Audible Plus catalogue, and though I mostly completed the listen out of morbid curiosity, it uncovered potentially negative patterns that could be extrapolated for both platonic and romantic relationships.
February 9, 2021
I went into reading this book to understand men I have dated, not expecting to see all the ways I run away from commitment myself. I’m really grateful for this book because it helped me to understand my own self destructive patterns and hopefully brought me closer to really being ready for love.
January 5, 2023
Incredible book. Really changed my perspective on relationships. I wish I had read this sooner!
July 1, 2019
A widower in his early 50's insisted that I read this book since it changed his choices after his partner passed on. I was intrigued, amazed and curious.
The book re-emphasises the beauty of committing to ones own happiness - everything else quickly falls into place. Loved the discussions that led to the book. Loved the idea that there are endless number of ways that commitment can be cherished, with children, with patients, family and colleagues!
The book re-emphasises the beauty of committing to ones own happiness - everything else quickly falls into place. Loved the discussions that led to the book. Loved the idea that there are endless number of ways that commitment can be cherished, with children, with patients, family and colleagues!
June 2, 2015
This book does a decent job of helping you see when a person has commitment issues, and how to work through those issues.
June 14, 2015
Research/got exactly what I wanted to out of it.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews